The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[At Tip Top Studios in Hollywood…] Female Tour Guide: "Thanks for taking the Tip Top Studios tour here at glamorous Hollywood, California. On your way out, please be sure to hit the gift shop. It's what pays my salary." [leaves] [The Louds are surprised, as Lily gasps.] Rita: "That tour will be great for my article on Hollywood Hot-spots." Lori: "This was literally my fave part of the tour." [She shows Luan a picture on her phone of Lynn Sr. holding what looks like an umbrella, only for a mechanical shark to bite him in the bottom. On the top, there's a sign that says "Nibble". Lori, Luna, Luan, Lucy, and Lana laugh at their father's misfortune.] Lynn Sr.:[shows them and Rita the back of his trousers.] "Boy, that shark sure was cheeky." [smiles in amusement] Luan:[giggles] "It must have thought you were a rump roast." [She and the rest of her family laugh at the former's pun. Lola, however, is not interested as she walks past them wearing sunglasses.] Lola:[risks being seen right now] "If anyone asks, we're not together." [She then stops and gasps surprisingly at what she sees. There's a poster for "Dakota Rhoda", and on the poster shows Dakota climbing up a mountain and retrieving a gem.] "Look. This is where they filmed the Dakota Rhoda movies! She's a young girl archaeologist with a real flair for adventure and style. [goes inside a studio that films Dakota Rhoda.] "I just gotta get one little peek."
[The studio shows a temple that has a "gem" in it. The camera pans down to show Nora pacing in front of a production assistant.] Nora: "What am I going to do? We start the movie tomorrow and I don't have an actress to play Dakota Rhoda. No Dakota, no movie!" [Lola saw all this through a box called "Props" and gasps happily.] Production Assistant 1: "What happened to the last one?" [Nora shows her a magazine. A 42-year old woman dressed as Dakota Rhoda has been shown as a spotlight shines on her, blinding her left eye. It reads: "Washed Up Weekly for 20 cents. Dakota: Age Scandal!!"] Nora: "She turned 42." Production Assistant 1: "Oh…" Lola: "This is my chance to be a star in a real life movie!" [She has a fantasy of being Dakota Rhoda after she wrestled a snake and also got a blue gem as sunlight shines on her. The fantasy ends and Lola is having the same pose. She then turns off the lights, making Nora and the production assistant confused, then look at Lola surprised. Lola is playing her fanfare on her phone and does a routine that she might have done in one of her pageants. She shines her phone's light and blows kisses, then walks to Nora and the production assistant. The stage lights mysteriously come back on.] Nora:[confused at Lola's sudden appearance.] "Did you just enter with your own fanfare? Also, who are you?" Lola: "Lola Loud, your new star! My card." [She gives out her card to the production assistant. But before she can read it, Nora snatches the card off of her.] Nora:[reads] "Lola Loud: Your New Star!. Never heard of you." Production Assistant 1: "Sorry, Nora Nussbaum does not work with nobodies." Nora: "That's right. I need someone with buzz." Lola:[cringes in disgust after hearing the word buzz.] "Flies are more of my sister Lana's thing, but..." Nora:[chuckles] "No. I mean buzz. That name everyone's talking about. I only hire actors with buzz, hon. It's a buzz kind of biz." [She and the production assistant leave the studio, as the former throws Lola's card back to Lola, who groans in anger. She then gets an idea as it comes to her then laughs evilly. The camera zooms in and the top and bottom parts change to black borders.] Lola: "You'll better believe I'll get the buzz, babe."
[Inside Camperzilla…] Lola: "OK, everybody, listen up. If I can make this director think that everybody's talking about me, I'll be the next Dakota Rhoda!" Leni: "But everybody already talks about you, Lola." Lisa:[snorts] "I think she means in a good way." Rita: "Are you sure you want to do this, sweetie? Stardom can be a lot." Lynn Sr.:[kneels next to Lola and places a hand on her back] "She's right, kiddo. You know, being with the Doo Dads has taught me two things: all cowbell solos should be under 20 minutes, and being a star isn't always what you expect it'll be." Lola:[scoffs] "Please. I've been dreaming of this my whole life." [Cut to a fantasy of Lola dressed in a fancy boa and tiara, riding on top of a limousine surrounded by adoring fans taking photos.] Fan #1:[hands a baby over] "Lola, please, sign my baby!" [Lola signs the baby without looking. Later, Lola is with Madam Nibble, her pet chihuahua (who is wearing a similar boa), and unveils a sign reading LOLAWOOD to much applause. Cut to Lola and Madam Nibble having signed their names in wet cement, and put their hand and pawprints in the cement while still surrounded by fans.] Fan #2: "Lola! Lola!" Fan #3: "Lola, over here!" Lola:[laughs] "Make sure you get my good side." [Fade back to reality, where she's unknowingly smooshing Lori's face while Lily is confused.] "JK, I only have good sides, am I right?" Lori:[angry] "Lola!" Lola:[snaps back to reality and chuckles] "Whoopsie. Sorry, Lori. Uh, in my defense, your face does feel like wet cement. You could use some toner." Lori: "Ugh. Get off me."
[Later, near the Trove...] Nora:[on phone] "What do you mean you don't have a big Hollywood director discount? I never pay full price for socks." [Suddenly, she's interrupted by cheers. She looks over and sees Lola taking selfies while Lily, Lori, and Lisa are dressed as her fangirls, all wearing white shirts that bear Lola's name in pink with Lori holding a sign reading I ♥ U LOLA, and Lincoln is wearing a black suit and shades posing as a bodyguard.] Lily: "I love you, Lola!" Lori: "I'm literally your biggest fan!" Lisa: "Oh-ho, there she is!" [Just then, Lynn shows up, also posing as a bodyguard and wearing a similar suit and shades as Lincoln.] Lynn: "Back it up! Lola Loud deserves some stinkin' space!" [grabs Lola] "You people are vultures!" [She runs off with Lola in tow, right past Nora. Lola snickers, realizing her plan is working.]
[Later, Nora is walking down the Hollywood Walk of Fame and enjoying a smoothie when Camperzilla passes by bearing a sign advertising a sightseeing tour of Lola. Lynn Sr., Lana, and Lily are on top of the RV, sightseeing, while Rita drives around as the tour guide.] Rita:[over PA] "Next on our Lola Loud Sightseeing Tour, the smoothie shop where rumor has it Lola Loud often visits!" Lynn Sr.:[badly acting] "Look, it's her!" [Lana and Lily gasp] "It's Lola Loud! What are the ding-dang odds?" [Lana and Lynn Sr. take pictures of Lola while Lily giggles in excitement. Lola is sitting at a table, enjoying a smoothie and basking in the attention, with Lincoln once again acting as her bodyguard.] Lola:[waves] "Thanks, guys, but no more pictures today." [sighs] "OK, fine, just ten more." [poses for more photos] [Nora can only lower her shades in surprise, yet perplexed.]
[Later, at the Star Diner, Nora is trying to choose an order from the menu when she overhears Lincoln at an adjacent table on his phone, dressed as a director.] Lincoln:[acting] "But don't you understand? I have to have Lola Loud..." [angrily bangs on table] "...in my next movie! It's gotta be Lola!" [Lucy is also dressed as a director, also at another adjacent table and speaking on her phone.] Lucy:[acting] "Egads, how do you expect me to make a film without Lola Loud? My directing career will perish, pass away, cease to exist, babe." [Near several other tables, Lola has signed her name on Ashley Kliment-Baker's menu and is currently in the process of signing a couple's menu and basking in the attention, whilst being talked to by Luan and Mr. Coconuts, both of whom are also dressed as directors.] Luan: "Lola, you've gotta say yes!" Mr. Coconuts:[as Lola blows kisses] "Come on, doll! We don't want anybody but you in our latest talkie!" Lincoln:[gets down on his knees] "Please, please, please! You have to be in my film!" Lucy: "I beseech thee, be in my film." Mr. Coconuts: "Ignore those losers, toots! You and I will make motion picture history!" Nora:[interferes] "You're all out of luck, because she's going to star in my film!" [goes down on her knees to Lola.] "Look, you got more buzz than a beehive." [gets out a contract.] "Will you be the new Dakota Rhoda? Say you'll do it." Lola: "Hmm, I don't know. I need some time to think about it." [starts thinking for a second.] "Done. Where do I sign?" [gets out a candy pen, signing the contract.]
[Stage 9. Inside, Nora is waiting for Lola as the production assistant is still reading what's on the list.] Lola:[comes in with luggage and wears a pair of shades, as she stops next to Ken Mu.] "Hello." [takes her shades off] "Your star has arrived!" [chuckles then puts the shades back on and walks to Nora and the production assistant.] "Nora, angel, I'm thinking I'll start with a deep tissue massage in my trailer, and that should take us through the lunch." [to the production assistant] "I'll have sushi and a mango sparkling water, heavy on the sparkle." [blows kisses to her] "Kisses!" Nora: "There's no time for any of that. You're filming your stunts today." Lola: "Oh, isn't there somebody who does that, darling?" [chuckles enthusiastically] "What do they call it? Oh, okay that's right, a stunt person." Nora: "Sorry, hon. Dakota Rhodas perform their own stunts, but relax. It will be a breeze." [takes Lola to her stunts, leaving the latter's suitcase behind.]
[One of the stunts has Dakota Rhoda stuck on a ledge, and has to use a "vine" to get on the other side. If she fails to jump, she will fall in a muddy puddle. Nora puts Lola, dressed as Dakota Rhoda, on the ledge as the latter sees the puddle. There are cameras and spotlights to show the puddle, while one faces upwards to show Lola. She cringes.] Nora: "You're gonna run, grab the vine, swing across the mud and land on the other side. Any questions?" Lola: "Just one. Still no on the sushi?" Nora:[turns Lola around so that the latter will face the other side of the ledge; to the camera crew] "Okay people, on your marks. And... action!" [Lola walks to the "vine", which is just rope, and then eventually jumps, but fails due to jumping a bit too short. And then she lands on the mud face up annoyed.] Nora: "Cut!" [A few bubbles pop near Lola, as one pops next to her as she groans in disgust.] [Lola then tries again. This time, she runs with sweat on her face and jumps successfully to the "vine", and then makes it to the other part of the ledge, only to fail once again because she didn't jump off the "vine" at the right time as she falls over, by leaning.] Lola: "Whoa!" [Her hat falls over as she falls, only for Lola's suit to land on a stick.] "Phew!" [Too soon. Lola's suit then rips then she lands on the mud again face down.] Nora: "Cut." [Lola tries again. She manages just fine, still having sweat on her face, as she jumps to the "vine" then goes to the other side of the ledge without any problem as she lets go of the "vine" then flips; she gasps for air then sighs for relief.] Nora: "Cut! That was perfect, Lola, hon." [to the camera crew] "Okay everybody, back in five to film Lola's fire eating scene!" Lola: "Huh?" [whines as she has to do another stunt, then slams her face down.]
[The temple where the "gem" might be. Lola goes to the middle of the temple, but her face is bruised and has a bit of steam after slamming her face down in the last stunt. Lola only coughs up smoke and groans in anger.] Nora: "Quiet on the set! And... action!" Lola:[gets her face back to normal; in a worried tone.] "The treasure has to be around here somewhere!" Nora: "Cut! Lola, sweetie, your Dakota Rhoda feels a bit flat. Why don't you try different vocal styles?" [Lola worriedly laughs as she has to try vocal accents. A clipboard comes onscreen and it's the thirteenth take in the tenth scene as it then clips.] Lola:[in a Texas accent] "Why, hush my mouth! I do declare that treasure must be somewhere around these parts!" [Take 22 as the clipboard clips again. In a valley girl accent.] "Like, that rad treasure had to be, like, totally around here!" [Take 43 as the clipboard clips again. Imitating a robot.] "THE TREASURE MUST BE HERE." [Take 99. In a Cockney accent.] "Blimey, guv'nah! I'd wager my tea and crumpets that treasure's right here under me sniffer!" [clears throat and drops the accent] "How's that, Nora darling?" Nora: "Oh, ditch that Cockney accent! That last voice you just used, it was perfect!" Lola: "But, that's my normal voice. The one I was using before." Nora: "Love it! Do that, angel, but better." [Lola facepalms and groans.]
[Lola's trailer at the back of the studio. Lola opens a gate.] Lola:[groans] "Being a star is a lot less glamorous than I thought." Production Assistant 2: "Miss Loud, Nora wants you to practice for the wrestling scene, so she told me to bring your scene partner by." [holds a yellow and orange snake.] "This is Keith." [Lola gasps at Keith as the Production Assistant drops him to her. She manages to get her face free as she looks at Keith, who hisses at her, scaring Lola. She gets out of him and screams, but Keith gets his tail out and Lola nervously shakes it. A telephone rings and Lola answers.] Lola: "Lola Loud speaking." Reporter: "I'm with the Tinseltown Tattler. Is it true you're not a natural blonde?" Lola: "Ugh! How dare you!" Wardrobe Staff:[sighs] "Miss Loud?" Lola: "Keith, be a doll and let him in." [back to the phone] "Now listen here, have you seen my hair?" [The wardrobe staff is holding shopping bags filled with blue dresses, and hands them to Keith.] Wardrobe Staff: "Thanks, Keith." Lola:[cont'd] "It's nature's perfection!" [The wardrobe staff puts the blue dress on Lola, stunning her.] Script Writer: "Miss Loud?" [Keith opens the gate] "Thanks, Keith. Miss Loud, we have some script revisions for you." [The wardrobe staff is busy trying to fit Lola's dress on her.] Wardrobe Staff: "Just hold still..." [accidentally pokes Lola with the needle] Lola: "Ow!" Script Writer:[dumps the script revisions on Lola] "I'll be back with the rest of the pages." [Keith lifts Lola from the script revisions as the wardrobe staff continues to adjust Lola's dress.] Lola: "Yowch!" Reporter: "Next question: Does Lola Loud really buy dresses off the rack?" Lola:[can't take it anymore and growls] "THAT'S IT!!!!" [throws the phone away and rips off her dress. Keith hands over her tiara] "Thanks, Keith." [puts it back on] [Keith hisses in reply.]
[Later, Lola returns to the set as Nora is trying to frame a scene with her fingers.] Nora:[notices Lola] "Lola, sweetie, what's up?" Lola: "Well, it's just, I'm so grateful for the chance to be in your movie." Nora:[takes a seat] "Naturally." Lola: "But I have to quit. I thought being a movie star was gonna be a lot of fun, but it's just a lot of work. I guess I'm not ready for all this." Nora: "Digging the honesty. So refreshing. So I'm gonna be honest with you. You can't quit, hon." [shows the contract Lola has signed earlier] "You signed a contract, which means you're done when I say you're done." Lola:[nervously] "And when will that be?" Nora: "When you turn 42." [Lola's eye twitches as she groans in dismay and leaves. To the production assistant] "Where's Keith? We're filming his closeups next." Production Assistant 1: "He refuses to come on set until he gets a sun lamp in his trailer." Nora: "What?! You tell Keith I can find another classically-trained Burmese python! I won't work with divas!" Lola:[having heard the whole thing] "Hmm. Won't work with divas, huh?" [smiles deviously]
[Back inside Camperzilla...] Lola: "Daddy, you were right about what you said before. I should've listened." Lynn Sr.:[misunderstanding] "Right? Those cowbell solos hit 20 minutes and the crowd really turns on you." Lola:[blinks] "Uh, no. I mean, being a star isn't what I expected, so I need you guys to help me get off this movie." [gets on her knees] "Will you, please?" [gives her best puppy eyes] Lynn: "That's a cinch. Getting kicked off junk is what we Louds do best." [The other siblings smile in agreement.] Rita:[Who's not particularly proud of that; to her husband] "And now they're bragging about it." Lola:[touched] "Aw! Bring it in!" [They all hug] "You guys are the real stars! In a behind-the-scenes kind of way, in case that wasn't clear." [Lily grimaces in confusion.]
[Later, Lola is back on set] Nora: "OK, Lola, let's go for a take." [Suddenly Mr. Coconuts shows up, back in his director getup] Mr. Coconuts:[on megaphone] "And just do whatever the heck you want, Lola, doll, because everything you do is sheer magic!" Nora: "Who or what is this?" Lola: "My personal acting coach. I only take direction from him. He knows how to speak 'Lola'." Mr. Coconuts: "Don't just stand there gawkin'. Get me a cappuchino!" [Nora grabs Mr. Coconuts and throws him onto the temple. Luan can only stare with her eyes wide open in shock as Nora glares at her.] Nora:[angry] "I'm the only director here!" [Luan sheepishly backs off] "Now let's do this for real and--" [Lynn drags Lola's trailer on set] "What do you think you're doing? Lola: "I don't like my trailer in the sun, so she's moving it to a shady spot. I have to protect my delicate complexion." Nora: "All right, whatever. Quiet on the set, and--" Lola: "Wait, wait! Move it back to the sun. I need to work on my tan." [Lynn smiles and drags the trailer out of the set.] Nora: "And--" Lola: "Wait, changed my mind." [Lynn drags it back on set...] "Wait!" [...and then drags it back out] Nora:[even angrier] "If you're finished, I have a movie to shoot!" Lola:[suddenly looks at herself in the mirror] "Oh, no! I'm shiny! MAKEUP!!!" Nora: "Are you kidding me?!" [Lori and Leni show up and apply makeup on Lola, the smoke from the powder causing the staff to start coughing.] Lola: "Ugh, all this powder's making me thirsty!" Rita:[offers an orange juice box] "On it, Miss Loud." [Lola drinks the orange juice and then spits it all over Rita.] Lola: "Bleh! This juice has pulp in it! Where's my personal pulp checker?!" [Lynn Sr. shows up on set with a platter full of pulp-free orange juice, running past Nora and hitting her.] Lynn Sr.: "I'm so sorry for the mix-up, Miss Loud!" [Nora can only growl at what's happening] "Pulp-free, coming right up!" [He then runs into a staff member and spills the orange juice on the lights, short-circuiting the equipment as it catches fire.] Nora: "UGH! YOU... ARE..." [gets out megaphone] "FIRED!!!" Lola:[casually] "Oh! Aw, guess that's showbiz!" [rips off her costume] "I'll show myself out." [dons her tiara] "Come, family. My work here is done." [The Louds (except Luan) leave the set. Nora growls in anger as Mr. Coconuts shows up once more, covered in dirt and mud and holding a script] Mr. Coconuts: "Really quick. I have a script I'd love for you to look over." [Nora grabs him and throws him out of the set] "WE'LL CIRCLE BAAAACK!" [The end.]
