The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The Action News Team is watching a horror movie at the Louds' living room] Zach: "No, Sheila! Don't open the door! The zombies are right outside!" [Suddenly a loud thud is heard, causing everyone to yelp in shock. A dove has rammed herself into the window, carrying a piece of paper, and slides down as she lands on the ground.] Lincoln: "It's a dove holding a note?" [A knock is heard at the door] Liam: "That's probably for me. Meemaw's phone broke again." [He opens the door and the now dazed dove flies inside. She drops the note in Lincoln's hands and then collapses on Rusty's head.] Lincoln: "Um..." [unfurls the paper and dust blasts from the paper] "It's for me." [reads it] "No way!" [The others gasp in surprise] "I've been chosen to be the Amazing Brailster's new junior illusionist! I guess he liked my audition tape." [Flashback to Lincoln and Clyde filming the audition tape at the McBride house. Clyde, dressed in a chef's outfit, has several muffins on a plate. Lincoln has a muffin in his right hand, covers it with a cloth, and then removes the cloth to reveal a quarter.] Flashback Lincoln: "You must have used a..." [tosses coin] "...quarter cup of flour." [He takes a bow and accidentally knocks Clyde over in the process. Back to the present.] Lincoln: "I'm gonna get to learn all the Brailster's tricks and perform at the Illusion Chateau!" Clyde: "Awesome!" Zach: "Rad!" [They soon become confused about it] Rusty: "No clue what that is." Zach: "What is that?" Lincoln: "It's this super-exclusive clubhouse where all the greatest magicians perform, and now me! Ah!" [Suddenly the dove lays an egg in Rusty's hair] Rusty: "I think I'm a dad now."
[The others are a little mixed up by this]
[At the Illusion Chateau, Lincoln is taking in the scenery as he climbs up the stairs to the magnificent front door. Lincoln takes a breath and opens the door, only to find a wooden barn door] Lincoln: "Huh?" [He tries again and finds a steel prison door. And then just a brick wall behind that. He closes the whole thing] "Wonder if there's a password or a secret button." [Lincoln looks around one of the golden statues which in a puff of smoke suddenly turns into the Amazing Brailster. Lincoln is so surprised he jumps back and lands in the hedge] Brailster:[Taks a bow] "Tada. Welcome junior illusionist… uh…" [Looks at an index card] "Lincoln Loud." [Lincoln comes out of the hedge and spits out some leaves] Lincoln: "It's you…" [A little unsure] "Mr. The Amazing Brailster. Is Amazing your first name? Or The? Sorry, not important. You have to teach me how you did that." Brailster:[Laughs] "All in good time." [Snaps his finger and the door opens, revealing the hallway. Lincoln gasps and enters, the Brailster follows]
[They enter the grand hallway and Lincoln is amazed] Lincoln: "Woah." Brailster: "Welcome, Lincoln, to the Illusion Chateau." [Lincoln excitedly looks down the hall, which has pictures of famous magicians, magical props and a self-playing stand-up base. Lincoln looks into a crystal ball] Lincoln: "That's Madame Mystery's crystal globe." [Sees the display case across the hall from it containing playing cards and a photo of a female magician] "Ooh, and those are The Great Colajulo's Cards of Chaos." [Looks and walks over to a small box with a series of sound slots below a red button protected by a translucent yellow cover. Lincoln picks it up] "Ooh, what's this?" [Shakes it] "A box of magical wonders?" Brailster:[Takes the box] "Close, it's a smoke alarm." [Lincoln's a little humiliated. The Brailster puts it back] "Please don't touch anything. The chateau is full of trap doors. Rumour has it there are magicians who have gone missing in the chateau and have never been found." Lincoln: "That's awesome." [The Brailster gives him a smirking look] "I mean… not for them. Of course."
[Later, in the prop room, the Brailster opens a pet carrier] Brailster: "And behold… Trixie the Magic Mongoose!" [A mongoose pops out of the carrier, she jumps off Lincoln's head, much to his amusement, and crawls up the Brailster's shoulders] "I met Trixie when I was just a young aspiring magician like yourself." [Opens his sleeve for Trixie to enter] "You see, the pet store was all out of rabbits, but mongooses are definitely just as magical." [Takes off his hat, revealing Trixie inside. She jumps back into the hat] "Oh, she's my best friend I couldn't perform without her." [Lets Trixie back into her cage] "And now to begin your training." Lincoln: "I can't wait! Which trick are we doing first? Teleporting out of a water tank? Teleporting? Or…" [In one flash Lincoln is standing next to a washing machine, holding a full hamper] "..Doing laundry?" Brailster: "Before you can become a great magician you must familiarize yourself with the tools of the trade." [Waves his wand and a bottle of detergent emerges from the hamper, Lincoln is amazed, mostly] "Make sure to run the gentle cycle." [Snaps his fingers and disappears. Lincoln, who already does the laundry at home, groans. He puts the detergent into the machine, drops the bottle in, and starts loading the clothes, but the endless handkerchief chain gets stuck, Lincoln pulls, then the whole hamper smacks him]
[Later, the Brailster is in his office feeding Trixie, when Lincoln returns] Lincoln: "Laundry's finished. So now that that's done I was thinking we could try your sawing a person in half trick. Do you wanna saw me or should I saw you? Or maybe we could saw each other at the same time." Brailster: "Lincoln, you're not ready to perform tricks, you're still in training." [Snaps his fingers and Trixie dives into the hat and pops up with a rolled-up paper, which she gives to Lincoln who gets excited] "These are the things you must master first." [Lincoln opens the scroll with excitement] Lincoln:[Suddenly disappointed] "But this is just a list of chores." Brailster: "Magic chores." [Lincoln just groans]
[Later he is wiping the dove's cage when one of them notices the cage door is open, and all three fly away. Lincoln yelps and goes after them] Lincoln: "Here birdie, birdie." [Accidentally steps in the suds bucket and slips, crashing into something offscreen] Lincoln: "Dang it." [Later he is about to polish one of three cups when a ping pong ball falls out. He simply picks it up and puts it into a hat. Lincoln picks the cup up again only for another ping pong ball to fall out, he puts it away again. Lincoln carefully picks up the cup again, this time nothing falls out, he thinks he's in the clear when suddenly the cup spills out enough ping pong balls to fill the whole room. Later, the three escaped doves are eating seeds off the floor, Lincoln dives and catches them in his hat, but somehow they fly out of an adjacent hat, and Lincoln gets annoyed. Later, Lincoln is polishing inside a magic box with three doors, which suddenly close in on him. The doors are labelled '1', '2', and '3' from the top down. Suddenly the boxes spin and end up in the order 2, 1, 3. The doors open revealing Lincoln's head in between his chest above him and his legs on the bottom. The doors close and spin into the order 3, 2, 1. They open revealing Lincoln's legs on top and his head on the bottom, Lincoln is really freaked out now. The boxes close and spin again, this time landing in the right places, but boxes 1 and 2 fall off the stack. But this time Lincoln pops out from behind number 3, he gets up and feels his body and is relieved that he still has all his pieces in the right places]
[Later, Lincoln is back with the Brailster] Lincoln: "Everything is polished, scrubbed and wrangled. So maybe tomorrow we can do some actual magic. Please?" Brailster: "Sorry, Lincoln. Tomorrow I'm going to need your help with more tasks." [Lincoln is bummed out] "Trust me, there's a reason for all this. Now, see what's inside my hat." [Taps it with his wand. Lincoln gets excited again and reaches in to find… a plunger] "There's a clog in the confetti cannon."
[The next day at school, Lincoln and his friends are having lunch. Rusty is sharing his fries with his new dove friend, much to everyone's confusion and revolt] Stella:[Pushes her soup away] "So, what cool tricks have you learned, Lincoln? Can you make anything disappear yet?" Lincoln:[Distraught] "Only stains. The Brailster won't teach me any of his tricks, he says I'm not ready." Clyde: "That's ridiculous, you're the best magician I know." [Conveying apprehension] "And I'm not just saying that because I actively avoid meeting any other magicians." Lincoln: "He says I need to master the basics before I can do anything cool." Rusty: "This sounds just like something my cousin Derek went through. His boss wouldn't let him be a stunt car driver so one day, Derek took a minivan and jumped it over a dumpster." Stella: "Wait, isn't your cousin Derek a parking attendant?" Rusty: "Your point being?" Zach: "I think what Rusty's trying to say is if you perform an impressive trick for the Brailster, he'll have to let you skip all the boring stuff and let you perform the real magic." Lincoln:[Determined] "You guys are right, I'll show him what I'm capable of." [Just then, Liam cracks a hard-boiled egg] Rusty:[Shocked] "Liam!" [Covers the screaming dove's eyes] "Not in front of Rebecca. Have some tact."
[Back at the chateau, Lincoln is stacking hats in the prop room when the Brailster walks in] Brailster: "Alright, I need to get my moustache groomed before tomorrow's show. No one likes a magician with moustache frizz. Now just clean out Trixie's cage and you're done for the day." [Lincoln gives a thumbs up and the Brailster makes himself disappear, Lincoln coughs on the smoke] Lincoln:[Thinks] "Now, to find something to wow the Brailster." [Takes a wand out of a vase and waves it slowly, turning it into flowers] "Psshh. Too easy." [Finds to interlocked rings] "What am I, an amateur?" [Separates them easily. Then he notices a straight jacket] "Of course, a straight jacket escape. If I master that, he'll have to let me perform with him." [Without another thought, Lincoln is in the jacket] "Feast your eyes as Lincoln the Magnificant performs an incredible escape." [Is revealed to be dangling upside down by a rope. He starts struggling but finds himself unable to escape. He swings harder, shaking the hook at the top of the rope out of the loop mounted above. Lincoln ends up falling on Trixie's cage, opening it. Lincoln sees Trixie peering out] "Stay…" [Trixie just salutes him and leaves, right out of the prop room, Lincoln inches after her] "Trixie, no. Bad mongoose." [Lincoln groans] "I'm gonna need backup." [Shakes his phone out of his pocket and nose dials Clyde] Clyde: "Hello?" Lincoln: "Clyde, I've got a Code: Turquoise." Clyde: "You tried to practice a magic trick, but accidentally let the Brailster's mongoose loose in the chateau? And now you need us to help find her and get you out of a straight jacket? We're on our way." [Lincoln is satisfied]
[Later, Lincoln's friends are following up on that very specific code. Stella gets Lincoln out of the straight jacket easily] Lincoln: "Thanks, Stella. Now we gotta get Trixie back in her cage before the Brailster returns." [Later, Liam is pouring birdseed on a carpet in the chateau den, and Stella is with him] Liam: "Huh… Well, can't say I know much about mongeese, but regular geese go giddy for this stuff." Stella:[Noticing a bookshelf] "Maybe one of these books has something about magic animals." [Picks up a book from the shelf. Suddenly she and Liam hear the sound of a mechanism and then freak out as the shelf spins around, taking them behind the wall] [In the hallway, Clyde and Rusty are searching] Clyde: "Trixie. Come on out." [Gets a little close to an angry bust and shudders] "This magic stuff gives me the creeps." Rusty: "Not me, dawg." [He and Rebecca flexing in a funhouse mirror] "Wow, my weekly pushup is working wonders." [Leans on the bust, which moves backwards, much to Rusty's confusion. Suddenly the floor beneath him and Clyde opens up. They freak out as fall in. The opening closes itself and the bust returns to its upright position. Zach and Lincoln are searching the stage area] Zach: "I don't see anything, Lincoln. You'd think a fancy place like this could afford a nicer stage." [Suddenly he trips and freaks out as he falls into an open sarcophagus, which closes, spins and reopens, revealing itself to be empty now] Lincoln: "Zach? Where's you go?"
[Suddenly the music gets more intense as Lincoln runs through the halls of the chateau, unable to find anyone] Lincoln:[Freaking out] "Zach? Clyde? Stella? Anyone?! Oh no." [Biting his nails] "They've disappeared like those missing magicians." [Noticing the self-playing bass playing the intense music] "Not helping." [Groans] "I gotta call the Brailster." [Suddenly the Brailster appears right before Lincoln's very eyes] Brailster: "I sensed catastrophe." Lincoln:[Sighs] "You sensed right Mr. The Brailster, sir. I messed everything up and lost Trixie." Brailster: "What! What did you do?!" [The music gets sad] Lincoln: "I wanted to show you I was ready to learn spectacular magic tricks but I got way ahead of myself, and then I called my friends to help find her and now they're lost too. I'm sorry, I should have stuck to the tasks you asked me to do. I'll never be a great magician like you." [The self-playing bass gets in Lincoln's face] "Could you not." [Gestures for the bass to get lost] Brailster:[Understanding] "I understand your frustration, when I was a young magician I also wanted to start with flashy tricks. But if I hadn't mastered the basics my own teacher made me learn…" [takes off his hat] "..I would never be able to do… A this!" [Even though the Brailster doesn't even know who Lincoln's friends are or which trap doors they set off, he somehow pulls them all right out of his hat] Liam:[Who like the others has no idea what just happened] "What in tarnation?" Clyde: "This is why I hate magic." Lincoln:[Hugs his friends] "Guys! I'm so glad you're okay." [They return the hug. Meanwhile, The Brailster manages to shake Trixie out of his hat as well] Brailster: "Ah." [They hug too] Lincoln: "I'm really sorry for what I did." [Returns his hat] "I'll have Rebecca return my resignation tomorrow." [Walks away, feeling sad. Suddenly The Brailster puts Lincoln's hat back on Lincoln's head] Brailster: "Resignation not accepted. I still believe you have great potential. You just have to promise not to get ahead of yourself again." Lincoln: "I promise." Brailster: "Spendid. Brailster, out!" [Takes out a smoke bomb and disappears again, only for the smoke alarm to go off. The Brailster returns to fan it out] "These things really know how to ruin an exit."
[The night of the show arrives. The Brailster is looking out at the stage when he turns and sees his junior illusionist] Brailster: "Ah, Lincoln, it's almost showtime. Do you have my…" Lincoln: "Balls and cups? Polished and organized." Brailster: "Well what about my…" Lincoln: "Hankerchiefs?" [Goes to the drawer] "Fluffed and folded." Brailster: "Well, and of course I'll need my…" Lincoln:[Bring out two…] "Straight jackets? Ironed and bleached." Brialster: "Exceptional. And don't worry, you'll be up on that stage someday. Maybe even sooner than you think." [The Brailster goes to the stage. Lincoln doesn't know what that means]
[On stage, The Brailster and Trixie are in the straight jackets, upside down] Brailster: "And now for a daring escape." [In a puff of smoke he and Trixie are right-side up and the jackets are gone, the audience cheers and throws roses. Brailster and Trixie bow] "Thank you. Thank you. You've been a brilliant audience. But I couldn't have performed this show without my junior illusionist, Lincoln Loud." [Lincoln suddenly appears on stage in a puff of smoke. Lincoln seems just as surprised, but takes a bow anyway] Lincoln: "A thank you. Thank you." [His friends are cheering louder than anyone] Zach: "Go Lincoln." Brailster: "He's a promising young magician. And soon he'll be performing his own tricks." [Lincoln steps forward, onto a floorboard than sinks slightly, suddenly another trap door opens below him and he falls] "Just like that!" Lincoln:[In pain] "Ta-da."
