Lynn and Order/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Lynn and Order."

Script[]

The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.

[Royal Woods Middle School.]
Lynn: [Stoic voiceover] "Preserving law and order has always been a tough job." [Cut to Lynn driving a golf cart through the halls of middle school.] "But luckily for the students and teachers at Royal Woods Middle School, one person has always had it under control."
[Cut to a closeup shot of Lynn in the driver's seat, her hall monitor badge and sash visible, cop attitude and all. Her sunglasses glint in the hallway's light, and she has a toothpick in her mouth.]
Lynn: [To the viewers] "I'm Lynn Loud," [Lowers her shades] "and this is my story." [She stops the golf cart, gets out of it, removes her toothpick, and sniffs around for any trouble.] "I smell rule breakers."
[The camera pans to the gym. Cut to inside the gym, where six cheerleaders, including Jenna and Margo, are putting up a "GO KANGAROOS!" banner.]
Student: "Higher! Higher!"
[Suddenly, as the cheerleader on top applies the poster, Lynn appears next to her.]
Lynn: "Well, what do we have here?" [Takes out a measuring tape and drops it to the floor] "8 feet and 1/4 inches." [Retracts the tape] "I've got bad news for you, ladies." [Rappels down a rope and starts writing notes] "This banner isn't regulation; needs to be 10.5 feet off the ground according to the rulebook." [She rips the note and shoves it on a cheerleader's face. Now, she's talking to Zach.] "That's a clothing infraction. One demerit for you." [Hands it over] "Your fly is down, Zach." [Zach sheepishly turns around and zips up his fly. Later, Clyde is cooking fish in a microwave. The microwave beeps upon completion, and Clyde opens it, but Lynn zooms over and closes it.] "Ahem. Microwaving a salmon in the cafeteria? Stink infraction!" [She shoves demerit on his face. Now, she's looking at a dent in the floor, right next to Paula's crutches.] "That's a scuff on the floor, Paula. Scuff infraction!" [Shoves demerit on her face]

[Now, Lynn is driving in her golf cart when Meryl chimes in on her radio.]
Meryl: "Lynn, this is Meryl. Principal Ramirez wants to see you, sugar."
Lynn: "Roger that."
[She turns around and zooms to the principal's office, where Mister Bolhofner is leaving with his bobcat, Rocket.]
Mr. Bolhofner: "Thanks for the rhinestone collar, Ramirez. Rocket loves it." [To his bobcat] "You can take that tacky thing off in the car, Rocket."
[Rocket yowls in disgust.]
Lynn: [Having seen it all] "Yeesh." [Enters the office]
Meryl: "You're up next, Lynn, honey."
Lynn: [Finger-guns] "Meryl." [Enters Principal Ramirez's office] "What's up, Principal Ramirez?" [Puts her shades in her pocket]
Principal Ramirez: [Turns around in her seat] "Come in, Loud. I've got some exciting news." [Lynn perks up] "You'll now be working with a partner! I just hired him."
Lynn: [Shocked] "WHAT?! Have you gone mad, Ramirez?!" [Slams the desk] "I work alone." [Principal Ramirez raises an eyebrow, making her sheepish.] "Heh. A partner, huh? That sounds great."
Principal Ramirez: "Come on in, dear."
[Lynn looks to the office door as the new partner shows up. It's Liam.]
Liam: [Salutes] "Liam Hunnicutt, reporting for hall monitor duty!"
Principal Ramirez: "Lynn, you are in charge of showing Liam the ropes."
Liam: "Oh, I already know some ropes. But I don't know hall monitor ropes. I always wanted to though. Just seemed like a job where I could really dig in and do my part. Like my long-winded Pee-Paw used to say: 'He-'"
Lynn: [Shushes him] "Shh. I think we get the point. Just stick with me, kid. I'll teach you everything I know, which is a lot."
[She points finger-guns at him and then tries to lean on the desk, but she's too far away and collapses.]
Meryl: "Lynn! I just got a tip about a kid cutting class in the west hall!"
[Liam grins at the news.]
Lynn: "That's our cue, Hunnicutt." [Dons shades] "Let's ride!"
[They leave.]

[Now, they're riding in the golf cart, though Lynn's violent driving scares Liam, and they nearly hit a student. They pull up to the west hall, where they find the student in question.]
Lynn: "Yup, she's skipping class, alright. Why don't you take this one? Just give this kid a demerit. Then, we'll go see if Chef Pat has any cookies for us."
[Liam salutes and approaches the girl before inaudibly talking to her and scribbling something on the notepad. They then go up to Lynn.]
Liam: "Hey, Lynn, this is Sophia, and she's new. She ain't cutting class, she's lost as a kitten in a corn maze. So, I drew her a map!"
[Sophia nods in agreement, but Lynn just scowls and groans in disappointment, before facepalming on the steering wheel as Liam gives Sophia the map.]
Sophia: "Wow! I was way off. Thanks." [Leaves]
[Liam enters the golf cart.]
Lynn: "Uh, what the heck was that?"
Liam: "Oh, when the sheep are scared on the farm, I find it's best to calm them down instead of sending in a wolf."
Lynn: [Puts finger on his mouth, shushing him again] "Okay, alright. Can we take the farm shtick out to pasture and get back to work?" [They zoom off and find a student with his arm inside a vending machine slot, and a bag of apple-flavored chips is seen stuck.] "Ahem. Trying to steal chips, huh?" [To Liam] "This one's pretty basic. He gets a demerit, and we drive away."
[Liam salutes and takes out the notepad.]
Student #1: "I paid for these chips! I was just trying to get them out, but now, I'm stuck!" [Struggles to pull his arm out]
Liam: "He's not a thief, he just needs help. I know how to get you out of there." [Takes out a stick of butter] "Farm-fresh butter!" [Rubs it on the student's arm and the slot] "This'll have your arm slicker than a pig in a mud puddle. Give it a tug."
Lynn: "Do you always carry butter in your pockets?"
[The student struggles again until he finally breaks free.]
Student #1: "I'm free! Thanks, Liam!"
Liam: "No problem. I reckon you're still hungry, 'cause you didn't get your chips." [Passes the butter to his superior and offers an egg] "Here. A fresh egg from Juanita."
Student #1: "Thanks, Liam." [Takes a bite, but it breaks and splashes on him] "Bleugh! Oh. I assumed it was hard-boiled." [Leaves awkwardly]
Lynn: "Ugh! You're soft, Hunnicutt, just like your egg."
[Another student is stuck in his locker and banging on it.]
Student #2: "Hello?!" [Lynn and Liam drive past the locker in question] "C-C-C-Could someone let me out, please?!"
[They reverse to the locker and open it.]
Liam: "Oh." [The student is shivering]
Lynn: "Who put you in here?"
Student #2: "I-I don't know if I should say."
Lynn: [Deciding to shut the locker] "When you're ready to talk, we'll let you go."
Liam: [Stops her] "He's just scared. You know, nothing calms me down like a fresh glass of milk." [Takes out a glass of milk]
Lynn: "Okay, just how many farm products do you carry in your pockets?"
Liam: [Offers the glass] "Here. Carol Anne just pumped some this morning."
[The student downs the glass.]
Student #2: [Sighs] "It was Chandler who locked me in here. Thanks, Liam."
Lynn: "You know, I could have got him to talk without the milk." [Later, she confronts an older student blowing bubble gum.] "Hey, you! That's a gum infraction!"
[The gum blows up all over his face upon getting scared.]
Student #3: "Oh, it's okay." [Holds up a piece of potato] "Liam gave me a 'Get out of a demerit free' coupon."
Lynn: "This is a potato skin!" [The student eats the potato skin] "Fine." [Spots another student with untied shoes] "You! Untied shoe infraction!" [She holds up a potato skin] "No bouncing basketballs in the hall!!" [Another student with a basketball smugly holds up a potato skin] "No drinking smoothies outside of the cafeteria!!!" [Another student slurping a smoothie holds up a potato skin] "NO BATHROOM BREAKS WITHOUT A HALL PASS!!!!" [Another girl grumpily holds up a potato skin. Lynn looks in disbelief and facepalms before grabbing Liam.] "Liam, how many potato skin coupons did you give out?!"
Liam: [Holds an entire cluster of potato skins] "One to every kid in school! I believe everyone deserves a second chance and this way they got one in their pocket."
[Lynn's mouth is agape at all this...]

[...and she bursts into Principal Ramirez's office, finally fed up with Liam's soft nature.]
Lynn: "Ugh! You have to fire Liam! He's handing out coupons and goat milk instead of demerits! Can you believe that?!"
[Principal Ramirez is drinking a glass of goat milk, before sheepishly putting it down after being seen.]
Principal Ramirez: "Well, those demerits don't lead to anything."
[Lynn is confused, but then, she glares.]
Principal Ramirez: "It was just a way to recycle paper, and you got so excited about the idea."
Lynn: "Still, his loosey-goosey farm methods undoing my whole system of order! I'm trying to enforce the school rules, and he's trying to be everyone's best friend!" [Pounds the desk] "It's gonna lead to chaos!"
Principal Ramirez: "I don't know. Maybe, you should cut him some slack. Liam is a smart kid. And there's more than one way to lead. You might learn something from him." [She takes another sip of her milk, but then, her phone rings.] "Ooh, yikes. I got to go help Meryl. Apparently, her beehive hairdo got caught in the hand dryer in the ladies' room. [Principal Ramirez leaves the office to help Meryl, leaving Lynn to ponder.]
Lynn: "Well, if I'm stuck with Liam, at least I can make sure he stays out of my way."

[Outside the school, Lynn peeks out from behind a tree and tiptoes up to the fence. She uses a pair of hedge clippers to cut a hole in the fence, chuckling as she does so. Once finished, she takes the cut portion of the fence and tosses it away.]
Liam: [Offscreen] "Lynn!" [Lynn whistles nonchalantly as Liam runs up beside her.] "I got your call. What's the emergency? Did a kid fall in Chef Pat's chili again?"
Lynn: "Oh, no-no-no-no-no. I need you to guard this hole in the fence and make sure squirrels don't get in."
Liam: Really? That's the job?"
Lynn: "Oh, yeah! This is one of our most important duties! But I know you're up to it! You're so good with animals!"
Liam: [Salutes] "Yeah! Okay, I'm on it." [A squirrel runs through the fence.] "Hey, wait! Get back here!" [He chases after the squirrel.]
Lynn: "There. That should keep him busy. Time for lunch."
[Later, Lynn is sitting by the tree and eating her lunch. In the parking lot on the other side of the fence, Mister Bolhofner is eating his own lunch in his car while wearing headphones. In the passenger seat, Rocket is also hungry. He tries to swipe his owner's sandwich, but the latter pulls it away.]
Mr. Bolhofner: "Nope! Peanut butter's not good for bobcats. May cause tooth decay." [He pushes Rocket away and takes another bite of his sandwich.]
[Rocket growls and lies down in the seat. Suddenly, he notices something and rolls down the window. He stares out the window at the school, growling hungrily.]
Chef Pat: [She walks out from the back door holding a tray of tuna salad.] "Ugh. Lots of leftover tuna salad today. Must've spiced it wrong."
[Rocket smells the tuna salad and jumps out the window, howling and running through the hole in the fence. Lynn notices this.]
Lynn: "Chef Pat! Run!"
[Before Chef Pat can put the tuna salad in the dumpster, she sees Rocket charging straight for her, making her scream and throw the tray in a panic, spilling the tuna salad over her apron. She runs inside the school and through the hallways with Rocket pursuing her. She runs into the ladies' room and closes the door, with Rocket faceplanting himself against it.]

[Inside the bathroom, Chef Pat sees Rachel and one other female student inside. Rocket pounds on the door and pushes it open, still snarling. He walks inside and corners them. So, Chef Pat grabs the girls and backs against the wall, using them as shields.]
Rachel: [Whimpering fearfully] "He's got us trapped!"
Student #4: "Don't eat me! I just got my braces off!"
Chef Pat: [She releases the girls and raises her arms in surrender.] "It's me he wants! Look at his eyes!"
[Rocket snarls and stares at Chef Pat, but he is interrupted by a whistle. The camera shifts to Lynn, holding a demerit.]
Lynn: "Back up now, or it's a demerit for you, you feline felon!"
[Rocket rips up the demerit, leaving Lynn stunned.]
Chef Pat: "Loud, you are the hall monitor! Do something!"
[Lynn pounces at Rocket and gets into a fight with him, while Chef Pat covers the students' eyes. But Rocket wins and throws Lynn against the bathroom wall, and she falls to the ground, rubbing her head.]
Liam: [Runs into the bathroom] "Lynn, what's goin' on? I heard the commotion."
Lynn: "Bolhofner's bobcat is about to eat Chef Pat for lunch!"
[Rocket raises his claws at his hostages, but then, Liam notices the scent of the tuna salad.]
Liam: "Oh, he wants the tuna apron. Chef Pat, toss it over there."
[Chef Pat takes off her apron and throws it toward a sink. Rocket runs after it and nibbles on it.]
Liam: "Come on, y'all. Quick now!" [Chef Pat frantically carries the girls out of the bathroom as Rocket eats the apron. Liam comes up to him and scratches his head, making Rocket purr.] "Aw, you just needed your lunch." [Lynn walks up from the side, and Rocket snarls at her.] "But he still don't like you, Lynn."
[Which Lynn takes as an insult to injury.]

[Liam carries Rocket out of the bathroom with Lynn following him.]
Mr. Bolhofner: [Runs up] "Rocket! I've been looking all over for you!"
Liam: "Well, he caused quite a ruckus."
Mr. Bolhofner: "That's what I get for teaching him how to roll down the windows." [Picks Rocket up] "I am so sorry. Let's get you home, huh?" [Carries Rocket off]
Lynn: "Liam, there's something I need to tell you: I cut the hole in the fence and sent you on a bogus squirrel hunt."
Liam: [Confused] "Now, why would you do a thing like that?"
Lynn: "'Cause I didn't like how you were doing things. I thought your Mister Nice Guy approach was going to lead to disaster. But now, I can see I was wrong. And... I'm sorry."
Liam: [Smiles] "Shoot, that's okay, Lynn. You're just like a grumpy old stallion. [Elbows Lynn] I knew you'd warm up to me after a while."
Lynn: [Extends her hand] "Partners?
Liam: [Hugs her] "Partners."

[Cut to another day at Royal Woods Middle School as the bell rings.]
Lynn: [Stoic voiceover] "Preserving law and order has always been a tough job." [Cut to Lynn and Liam driving through the halls of middle school.] "But luckily for the students and teachers at Royal Woods Middle School, two people have it under control."
Meryl: [Over the radio] "Lynn, Liam, we got a straggler in the west hallway."
Lynn: "Roger that." [They approach the straggler, who happens to be Lincoln. He looks tired and has dark bags around his eyes.] "Late again, Stink-coln? That's an infraction!"
Liam: [Remove his shades] "Lynn, what did we learn?"
Lynn: "I mean, is there a reason you're late today?"
Lincoln: "Well, I didn't have breakfast this morning. So, I guess I'm dragging a little."
Lynn: "What?! You should never skip breakfast! It's the most important meal of the day!" [To Liam] "I had two this morning."
[Liam narrows his eyes at this.]
Lincoln: "Yeah, the second one was mine." [Glares at her in annoyance]
Lynn: [Sheepishly] "Oh. Oh, yeah. My bad. Yeah, you know, let's forget about this demerit and get you some food instead."
[Liam reaches into his pouch and pulls out an egg and gives it to Lincoln.]
Lincoln: [Smiles] "Wow. Thanks, guys."
Lynn: [Tips her sunglasses at Liam.] "Let's roll, partner."
[The two of them head off. Lincoln takes a bite of the egg, but it breaks and splashes on him.]
Lincoln: "Blech! I assumed it was hard-boiled."
[The end.]