Eye Can't/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Eye Can't."

Script[]

The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.

[The scene starts inside the Loud house. The parents, holding breakfast equipment, nod at each other. Rita tosses the bowls onto the table. Lynn Sr. and Rita pour cereal and milk respectively onto the bowls. They clang their mugs of hot drink together.]
Lynn Sr.: "We are getting so good at that."
[Just as they're about to take a sip, Lisa rushes in.]
Lisa: "Good morn--" [Bumps into her pet dog] "When did we put the trash can here?"
Rita: "Honey, that's Charles."
Lisa: [Doffs her glasses and looks at a grumpy-looking Charles.] "Ah, yes, of course. Hm." [The dog walks away] "Ah, here's the orange juice I was looking for." [She takes the orange vase off the table and walks off with it.]
Rita: [To her husband] "Have you noticed Lisa has been acting a little off this week?"
[We see a flashback of Lisa bumping into a side table and becoming dizzy; followed by another flashback of her walking and bumping into the rail at the bottom of the stairway.]
Flashback Lisa: "Pardon me, Father."
[Another highlight shows her sat on the stairs stroking a black and white animal.]
Flashback Lisa: "Good boy, Cliff. Good boy."
[The camera zooms out, revealing that Lisa was stroking a skunk, and Cliff on the opposite side with Lincoln and Leni watching her in horror.]
Flashback Leni: "Uh, Lisa, that's not Cliff."
[The skunk let's off a huge green gas. Everyone screams as the gas covers the screen. The flashbacks end.]
Lynn Sr.: "Yeah, she needs new glasses."
[Lisa returns - with flowers all over her hair and still holding the vase.]
Lisa: "Ah, silly me, I mistook a vase of flowers for orange juice." [Puts the vase back on the table, readjusts her glasses and spots something.] "Ah! Here's the actual orange juice."
[She goes to the Hot coffee machine, but her dad stops her.]
Lynn Sr.: "That's hot coffee!" [Worried] "Sweetie, look, Mom and I think it's time for you to go to the eye doctor."
Lisa: "What? Poppycock! Now if you'll excuse me, I shall be in the living room." [With her parents astonished, she walks out the front door, but falls down the stairs, breaking a cactus.] "Ahh! Augh!" [Shouting off-screen] "I'm okay. Mother's cacti garden broke my fall." [Normally] "Hmm. When did we move all these cacti inside?"

[In the next scene, we see a close up of a cactus thorn being taken out by a pair of tweezers. Lisa is sat at her bed covered in cactus thorns.]
Todd: "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? IT'S JUST THE EYE DOCTOR."
Lisa: [Annoyed] "The problem, Todd, is that I have an irrational phobia of the ophthalmologist."
Todd: "BUT THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE. YOU ARE A GENIUS."
Lisa: "I said it was irrational, Todd. And I've tried to train myself to move past it, but I can't."
[ Lisa imagines herself - without glasses - strapped to a board which pulls back. She whimpers as the eye laser machine closes on her.]
Boris: "Now, just a puff of air." [He starts cackling and pulls the lever.]
Lisa: "No! Not the--ahhhh!" [The eye laser engages and shoots at Lisa, causing her to scream. The screaming carries on after we cut bad to reality, until she stops after another thorn is taken out.]
Todd: "WHY DON'T YOU DO THE EXAM AND MAKE NEW GLASSES YOURSELF?"
Lisa: [Becomes excited] "Todd, you beautiful piece of robotic machinery, that's a great idea."

[Lisa gets to work. She starts drilling a hole in the wood and cutting a metal block. Todd activates the crusher. It crushes and heats something. The crushers open, revealing a new pair of square specs. Lisa tries them on.]
Lisa: "Hmm. Mm...hmm." [Her eyes appear abnormal. She readjusts her new specs one more time. In her view, she sees everything blurred.]
Todd: "HOW IS IT LOOKING?"
Lisa: [Gasps in fright, almost losing her glasses] "Well, it's not perfect, but I'd say it gets the job done." [Doffs her specs and polishes them] "Now can you give me a little space? You're way too close, Todd."
Todd: [Standing a bed's length away; Descending tone.] "RIGHT."
[The duo are at the top of the stairs.]
Lisa: "Now let's show Mother and Father." [Falls down the stairs again - causing Todd to flinch - and lands flat on her face in front of her mother and father. They're both horrified.] "Ugh. Problem solved, parents." [Her parents become suspicious.] "I've forged myself a new pair of glasses, and all is well." [Opens her eyes - still abnormal through her glasses. Lynn Sr. and Rita look at each other.]
Lynn Sr.: "Counterpoint, you did kinda just fall down the stairs."
Lisa: "Eh. You say tomato, I say mildly near-sighted."
Rita: "And I say tomorrow morning you are going to the eye doctor, and, maybe the pediatrician too to see if you have any damage from that fall."
Lisa: [Defeated] "Fine."
THE NEXT MORNING
[The parents walk Lisa - still wearing her own glasses - out the house.]
Lynn Sr.: "Lisa, thank you for being so mature about this."
[Lisa want to turn right, but Rita declines. The parents soon discover the mess that's been left on the driveway - with no van - and gasp.]
Lisa: [Feigning] "Oh dear. Father, this is what happens when you neglect your vehicle." [Facepalm] "Shame." [Lana pops out from behind the house and gives Lisa a thumb up. Lisa turns back to her home.] "Oh well, I guess we can't go." [Lynn Sr. grabs her by her rucksack.] "Oh!" [Lana hides again.]
Lynn Sr.: [Brings out his phone] "So that's how it's gonna be, huh? Well, too bad you didn't think of this, you little genius." [On phone] "Mr. Grouse? Five Lynn-sagnas to borrow your car. Ha-ha-ha." [He gasps in horror while he listens; Becomes annoyed] "Okay, ten, but no extra sauce."

[The three Louds are in Mr. Grouse's car. Lynn Sr. drives over a rock, causing the glove box to open, revealing a heap of leftover bones. Rita picks one up, disgusted.]
Rita: "Ohh. Chicken bones?"
Lynn Sr.: [Disgusted] "Oh, yeah, honey, uh, Grouse said not to mess with those. He chews on 'em at stoplights to get the last of the meat off."
[Rita groans, lets go of the bone and closes the glove box. Lisa retreats back to her seat and picks up a gadget from her rucksack.]
Lisa: "Yeah, thank you Santa, for the nifty satellite set." [Presses some buttons] "Now let's just hack into the Royal Woods transportation grid and create a little traffic, shall we?" [She cackles. The gadget's screen shows Grouse's car, a set of traffic lights and a group of traffic cars. Lisa rearranges the order so that Grouse's car lines up behind the traffic cars at the stoplight. The real traffic lights flash in various colors before they all turn red. Car horn honking sounds are being heard everywhere. The camera zooms out, revealing a complete gridlock of vehicles at a cross junction.]
Lynn Sr.: [Annoyed] "Dang it! Where did all this traffic come from?" [To Rita] "We're never gonna make the appointment now."
Rita: [Nervous] "I know a shortcut. Turn here."
[The car turns right, away from the gridlock.]
Lynn Sr.: "Hang on!"
[Everyone screams as the car goes over a long jump into the field. They are driving along the crops.]
Rita: "See? I go this way all the time."
Lynn Sr.: "Really? 'Cause I don't think that was a road, hon."
[Lisa groans, lifts her glasses and goes back to her gadget.]
Lisa: "Hmm, perhaps some precipitation will slow us down." [She cackles. The gadget's screen shows Grouse's car underneath a storm cloud.] "A little cloud seeding and voila."
[A storm cloud rumbles thunder above the car and pours raindrops over its windshield. As soon as Lisa perches on the front seat, Lynn Sr. presses a button that activates the windshield wipers. Unfortunately they break off, revealing silhouettes of the the Three Louds. Lynn Sr. sticks his head out the window, angry.]
Lynn Sr.: "We are not missing that appointment!"
Lisa: [Annoyed] "Hmm."

[At the Dr. Tran's Optometry, a grumpy Lisa is sat on a seat with her arms crossed. Lynn Sr. is soaked, but still pleased.]
Lisa: "Hmph."
Lynn Sr.: [Punching the air in celebration.] "Ha-ha! We made it." [The camera zooms out, revealing they're talking to the optometrist.] "Heh-heh. I mean, Lisa, we'll wait for you in the lobby."
Rita: "You'll be just fine, sweetie."
Dr. Tran: "That's right, Lisa. This is a completely painless exam."
Lisa: [Still grumpy] "So you say. But I know all about the dreaded puff of air. On an unrelated note, what languages do you speak?"
Dr. Tran: "Uh, Thai, Spanish and English."
Lisa: "Ah. So no French, hmm?" [takes out walkie-talkie and speaks into it in French] "Je suis au troisième étage. Aidez-moi à m'échapper."
Todd: [Over walkie] "UNDERSTOOD."
[Todd's arm stretches through the window, grabs Lisa and pulls her out the building and into the bushes. The optometrist turns around and is all set, holding a file.]
Dr. Tran: "Okay, Lisa." [Realizes she's gone.] "Lisa?" [The seat is vacant. Cut to Todd and Lisa, rising up from the bushes.]
Todd: "WHERE TO NOW, LISA?"
Lisa: "I don't know but we can't stay here." [They jump out onto the road. Lisa checks her watch.] "We've got 4.3 minutes before everyone will be looking for us."
[In the waiting room, the parents are sat on chairs, with Rita reading a magazine. Back to Lisa.]
Lisa: "Thus, we gotta skip town, go on the lam, get the heck outta Dodge." [Walks straight into an object.] "Ugh!" [A train horn toots.] "Did you hear that? We must be near the train station. This way, Todd."
[They head into the Royal Woods Mall.]
Todd: "BUT LISA, I DON'T THINK--"
[They stop in the middle of the doorway.]
Lisa: "Oh, Todd, please. I think I can identify a train whistle when I hear one." [She walks in, leaving her robot putting hands on hips.]
Todd: "YOU NEVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY." [Rolls in and comes with Lisa. She stops as soon as she sees something interesting, gasping and punching the air.]
Lisa: "Aha! This locomotive is our ticket outta here, Todd." [We cut to Lisa's blurred view of what looks like some train carriages. A normal view reveals that it is actually a life-sized train set. They hop in and the train sets off.] "Now based on the wind and angle of the sun we're most definitely heading south-east."
Todd: [Upside down on the following carriage] "I cannot see anything, so I will have to take your word for it."
[He yawns as the train hoots its horn and continues to go around and around the small circuit. The time is getting late. Lisa is seen snoring on the carriage as the train stops.]
Lisa: "Oh, Todd, how long was I out?" [Stretches arms and yawns] "Being on the lam is tiring."
Todd: "BEATS ME. I WAS IN SLEEP MODE AS WELL."
Lisa: [Jumps out] "Come on." [The robot struggles to move. Lisa walks to something that looks like a palm tree; interested] "Oh." [A pink mist sprays onto her. Enjoying this, she spins on an axis and looks at the palm tree, relaxed.] "Ahh, feel that refreshing ocean breeze." [Sniffs the air] "And smell those oranges." [Gasps in excitement] "We must be in Florida."
[It is revealed that the pink mist was coming from a customer testing a perfume at the Summer Scent Sale. The customer looks at Lisa as she walks off, rather puzzled. Meanwhile, Todd appears right side up, still in the train carriage. His hands are on his hips again.]
Todd: "NOW WHERE DID MISS BOSSY-PANTS GO?"
[Lisa walks past the janitor - who is busy cleaning a screen - but not without accidentally hooking the wires of the janitor's vacuum around her waist. The vacuum rolls behind her. The janitor turns around, and notices the vacuum is not in his sight.]
Janitor: "Huh?"
Lisa: [Talking to the vacuum] "Todd, I hear the ocean." [She walks past a fountain while the vacuum falls in, making a splash, and jumps out, rolling behind her again. Flip suddenly appears out of the fountain, in snorkeling equipment and holding a bucket and some treasure.]
Flip: "Whoo whee! Flip hit the big time today." [Puts the treasure in the bucket. Meanwhile, Lisa continues onward.]
Lisa: "Okay, Todd, we need to locate food and shelter." [Stops and sees something interesting] "Ah! A local farmer trading his wares." [She walks to the 'local farmer', which is actually a chicken mannequin holding a plate of nuggets.]
Fake Chicken: "Try a nugget!"
[Lisa tries a nugget.]
Lisa: "Hmm, so generous of you." [Eats it.] "Delicious."
Fake Chicken: "Try a nugget!"
Lisa: "Thank you, but I think one was enough. My robot companion and I need to find lodging." [Walks on by.]
Fake Chicken: "Try a nugget!"
Todd: "LISA? LISA?" [Sees something in the window at Reininger's] "OOOH, ARE THOSE DENIM BUCKET HATS?" [Rolls to the jacket in the window and takes a closer look.] "TODD LIKEY."
[Lisa walks along in front of the screen with her vacuum. Meanwhile, back in the waiting room, her parents are still waiting. Lynn Sr. checks his watch.]
Lisa: "Todd, are you still giving me the silent treatment?" [Sighs] "Take all the time you need." [Sees something ahead and gasps] "A hotel at last!" [Cut to her blurred view of something that looks like a hotel. It is actually a Hot Shoes department store.] "I normally don't say this, Todd, but tonight's room service is on me." [She opens and walks through the green exit door to the waste area outside the building.] "Greetings, bellhop." [The 'bellhop' is actually a bear. It growls at Lisa's face.] "Oh, my bad. You must be the proprietor." [She pats the bear's nose. It leads the way.] "Tell me, good sir, can we get a double room for the evening?"
[The skip opens out, revealing Flip. He holds up his nickel.]
Flip: "Ha! A nickel!" [Puts the nickel in his bucket] "This is a great day."
[Meanwhile, Lisa continue to follow the bear in the woods.]
Lisa: "Keep up, Todd." [Excitedly] "Ooh! Perhaps they have a continental breakfast." [They are heading toward the cave. Inside the cave...] "Hm. A little drafty." [Touches one of the rocks in the cave] "And the mattress is rock hard. Just the way I like it." [A fish falls out of the cave. The bear grabs the fish's tail with his teeth.] "Room service?" [Borrows the fish] "Mmm! Salmon sashimi. Thank you." [The bear leaves. Lisa turns around and serves the fish to her 'companion'.] "Todd, dinner is served." [The bear comes back to Lisa and growls at her again. She remembers something. She brings out some cash from her pocket and offers it to the bear.] "Ah, my good man. I forgot your gratuity. Now don't spend it all in one place." [The camera zooms out, revealing that the bear is with his cub. A moment later, he roars. Lisa feels the bear's paw and claws.] "Soft padded paw, large predatory hook-like claws. This is an Ursus americanus." [She doffs her glasses to check the bear once more. The bear growls again. She realizes what she has done and starts panicking] "Street name bear?! Ahh!" [Quietly] "I've made a grave mistake!" [The bear lets a louder roar that shakes the entire screen and blows Lisa's hair. Lisa hides behind her 'robot'.] "Todd, help!" [The bear roars again and stands up in his combat pose. Lisa suddenly feels the unfamiliar-looking object in front of her.] "Todd?!" [She accidentally turns the switch on. The vacuum lands on her head - vacuum-side up - and activates, blowing air and shaking while she holds it.] "Wait, you're not Todd. You're a T 1600 industrial-strength vacuum." [She lets go of the vacuum and screams while she is chased by the bear out of the cave. The bear stops at the cave's entrance and roars. Lisa is still running] "I swear if I ever make it out of this, I'm going back to Dr. Tran. That puff of air can't be scarier than this." [She runs back to the waste area, where she bumps into Flip's backside and falls on her own. She tremors again and points to who she just bumped into.] "Ahhh! Another bear!" [Flip turns around, still in his snorkeling equipment.]
Flip: "Eh, nope, just me, chief."
Lynn Sr.: "Lisa! There you are."
[Her parents have just rushed out and found her. They are breathing heavily with exhaustion. Lisa can't see her parents but she knows what looks they're giving her.]
Lisa: [Scratching her head; defeated] "I think I'm ready for my eye exam."

[At the room, Lisa puts on her original glasses. She can see through them perfectly.]
Lisa: "Thank you, Dr. Tran. And compliments on your doctoring skills. That was a painless exam. I'll definitely be returning for check-ups now that I've conquered my phobia. It only took a bear attack to set me straight."
Dr. Tran: "Huh?"
Lisa: [Realizes something] "Oh, I need to locate my robot, Todd, and apologize. Hmm, wherever he is." [The camera cuts to a studio with a stage and an audience.]
Leni: "Now sporting the latest in summer fashion, Todd!"
[The robot - wearing a white gown - wheels his way to center stage. He spins on an axis and strikes a pose.]
Todd: "I AM REALLY WORKING IT."