Riddle School/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Riddle School."

Script[]

The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.

[At Royal Woods Middle school, Lincoln is dashing through the empty halls, but stops to take a breath, and address the viewers]
Lincoln: [To the viewers] "It's here... finally." [Points to a sign next to the ringing school bell reading 'SPAGHETTI DAY! FRIDAY'] "Spaghetti day!" [Continues through the hall] "It only happens once a month and everybody goes wild for it, which is why I need to get a good spot in line." [Suddenly crashes in Mr. Bolhofner] "Huh?"
[Realizes the line is already stretched outside the cafeteria and groans]
Mr. Bolhofner: "Relax, Loud. I once waited fourteen hours in a line. In the Sahara desert, for what turned out to be a mirage."
[Has an internal flashback to that day. The line continues and Lincoln sighs, just as his friends arrive to keep him company]
Lincoln: "Dang it, I really thought I had a good jump on the line this time."
Liam: [Also sighs] "Guess we gon' be here a while. Huh?"
Stella: [Not to bummed out, and holding her hands above her head] "I'm glad I signed up for Mindful Waiting as my elective this semester." [Sits on the floor in criss-cross to meditate] "Well, that and a class called EAT."
[The boys start speaking in unison, rather thrilled]
Rusty: "Wait, same."
Liam: "Me, too."
Zach: "Ah, I signed up for EAT too."
Clyde: "Me too."
Lincoln: "Wait, me too."
Clyde: "I'm hoping to get my burning culinary questions answered. To prix fixe or not to prix fixe? It keeps me up at night."
Rusty: "Whatever EAT is, it sounds delicious. The beast and I can't wait."
Zach: [Who knows Rusty very well] "Ugh, don't tell me the beast is…" [In unison] "Your stomach."
Rusty: [In unison] "My stomach." [Zach facepalms] "Yup, I decided a long time ago that all my life decisions would be made by him, he's a genius." [Just then the beast growls] "Like right now the beast says we're…" [It growls again] "thirty minutes from spaghetti." [And the beast is not too happy to wait either] "Soon beasty."

[Eventually it's Mr. Bolhofner's turn. Chef Pat dumps spaghetti on his plate]
Mr. Bolhofner: "I don't need your spaghetti, Patricia. I only eat the things I hunt. But I will take a pudding cup."
[Chef Pat moves the spaghetti aside and gives Mr. Bolhofner the pudding. Just then, Liam, Lincoln and Stella approach her]
Lincoln: "Spaghetti please." [Chef Pat obliges and the gang are ready to dig in. Lincoln takes his first bite, but then notices something's off. He swallows, his face turning red] "Uh, does this marinara sauce taste different to anyone?"
Clyde: [Realizes] "Wait, yeah. Something is off. And that something is… spicy?" [Turns red, as does Rusty] "Ah! Very spicy! Why is it so spicy!?"
Liam: [Face red and steam blasting out of his ears] "Hoowie. I can feel it, y'all."
Rusty: [Lifts his shirt off his growling guru] "The beast is angry!"
[Lincoln, Stella and Zach turn to see the rest of the cafeteria in chaos. Two boys sprawled on the floor, one in the fetal position. Two girls on a table spraying their water bottles at each other. Chloe runs by with her mouth wide open and her tongue out, past two more students and then Emma, who pours a whole carton of milk in her mouth and snorts it out of her nose. Another girl is blowing fire. Rusty jumps on the froyo machine and dunks his entire head in. Lincoln is holding his tongue out while Clyde fans it with a tray]
Lincoln: "Hot, hot, hot." [Notices something on bottom of the tray] "Wait, Clyde, what is that?"
[There is a red envelope on the bottom of the tray. Lincoln takes his very long tongue back as Clyde picks up the envelope]
Clyde: [Gasps, reading who the letter is addressed to] "Action news team?" [For some reason only the letter C in action and E in team are capitalized] "Couple of capitalization errors but I'll let it slide." [Opens it and takes out the letter inside] "Did you like my new spaghetti sauce? That was nothing compared to what's coming. Unless you can stop me. Follow my clues if you want to save your classmates from a fate worse than fiery marinara. Signed the swindler."
[The rest of the action news team are shocked]
Rusty: "Who could that be?"
Clyde: [Noticing some symbols on the bottom of the page] "These symbols on the bottom must be the next clue."
Zach: [Takes a look] "Ah! They're unmistakably alien text!"
Clyde: [Takes it back] "I think they're actually rebus puzzles. Rebus puzzles are phrases made up of symbols. Look, the first icon is a watch, followed by the letter 'A' four times, then a flashlight icon, and a water drop." [Connects the symbols] "Watch… for a… flash… flood? But where?"
[That question is immediately answered by some screams coming from somewhere else]

[In another part of the school the gang sees water flowing down the hall, it's coming from the gymnasium. The door burst open sending scared students riding a tidal wave down the hall]
Stella: [Grabs the door handle to the janitor's closet] "Human chain!"
[She grabs Zach's hand, who then grabs Rusty's, Liam and Lincoln have also grabbed on, but Clyde was too stunned by the rushing water and gets washed away]
Lincoln: "Quick, grab my hand!"
Clyde: [It's too late for him] "Tell my story!"
[Gets swept down the hall. Suddenly a paper boat floats by with another red letter for the action news team, this time only the C is capitalized. Luckily the flood has weakened enough for Stella to let go of the door handle and pick it up]
Stella: [Reading the letter] "If you can't stop a little flood, how are you gonna stop my next prank? I call it… The Big One. It's coming. The Swindler."
Rusty: "The Big One!? What even is that? Stink bombs in the vents? A swarm of bees?"
Zach: [Gasps] "Sharks! Oh it's gotta be sharks, right? It's always sharks."
Clyde: [Offscreen] "Can I see the note again?" [Clyde, who is still alive, doggy paddles up to his friends just as the water finally clears up, which leads to him face planting on the tile floor. Everyone passes him the letter] "There's something on the bottom. It's a number sequence. Six, five, two, point eight, three, two, seven."
Stella: [Gasps] "I recognize that pattern, they're numbers in the dewey decimal system. Come on, guys. To the library!"

[Rusty bursts into the library]
Rusty: "Alright, Dewey! Come out with your hands up!"
[Immediately, Librarian Whetta gets in his face and shushes him, then slips away, Rusty ending up the one with his hands up]
Stella: [Whispering] "Rusty, Dewey Decimal isn't a person, it's a numerical system used to organize library books. Come on, I'll show you." [Takes Rusty's hand and leads him to the technology section of the library, the other boys follow. Stella starts reading numbers out loud] "Six, five, two, point eight, three, two, five. Six, five, two, point eight, three, two, six. Six, five, two, point eight, three, two, seven. There it is." [There's another envelope right there waiting. Takes the envelope addressed to them, this time the N in action is capitalized. The boys cheer for her when suddenly Librarian Whetta pops out from behind some books and shushes them again. Stella opens the envelope, but all that comes out is a green stink cloud] "What? It's empty." [Sniffs and winces] "And it stinks."
[Liam takes the envelope and gives it a better sniff]
Clyde: "What is it boy? What do you smell?"
Liam: "Sweat socks and dodgeballs." [Gasps] "I know where the next clue is."
[The boys cheer for him again, and Librarian Whetta comes out of a compartment in the floor and shushes them right out of the library]

[Later, the team enters the gym, assuming their team pose, only with angry glares instead of their smiling faces]
Lincoln: "Everyone, be on the lookout, the next clue has to be around here somewhere."
Rusty: [Looking way up] "Found it, fools." [The red envelope is on the top of the climbing rope, with the letters I in action and S in news capitalized, and the team is at the bottom of the very long rope. Rusty chuckles] "Feel bad for the chump who has to climb up there."
[Suddenly realizes that he's now the only one standing next to the rope, his friends a few steps away giving him toothy smiles and thumbs ups]
Zach: "Thanks for volunteering."
[Rusty groans and gets to it. He slowly inches up but does manage to reach out and get the letter]
Rusty: "Got it!"
[Suddenly loses his grip and falls, he lands safely on his feet, but the rope sets his hands on fire. Rusty blows on them as Zach takes the envelope out of Rusty's back pocket]
Zach: [Reads the letter] "You're getting warmer."
Rusty: [His swollen hands still throbbing] "What's that supposed to mean?"
Lincoln: [Thinks and gasps] "Warmer! Put your hand over the message, it must be heat-activated." [Rusty does so, and like magic an image of an angry gray fish appears]
Zach: "Ah! Sharks! I knew it!"
Lincoln: [Who knows that fish anywhere] "That's no shark, it's Hank the piranha."

[In Mr. Bolhofner's trailer, inside Hank's tank, a red envelope for the action news team, the E in news capitalized, is being guarded by Hank, who does not look keen on letting the action news team have it]
Zach: "So, who wants to get the letter?"
Rusty: "Thanks for volunteering, dude."
[Liam gives Zach a toothy smile and a thumbs up]
Zach: [Gulps and winces] "Fine, I'll do it." [Rusty lifts Zach to the top of the tank and Zach goes right for it, he feels around and finds the letter] "Got it!" [Unfortunately, Hank finds Zach's hand. Suddenly, Zach gets spun around and flung away. Rusty is shocked and Hank glares at him. Their wet friend walks up with a book on his head and takes out the letter. Zach clears his throat and reads] "Bring the letters together and come find me."
Stella: "Agh! More riddles?"
Zach: [Blows a fuse] "Ah! I'm tired of this!" [Grabs the rest of the envelopes from Clyde] "We're never gonna figure it out!" [Throws the envelopes in the air and drops to the floor]
Clyde: [Suddenly figures it out] "Wait! Bring the letters together. Look, the random capitalization of certain letters wasn't random, they were clues." [Arranges the letters upright] "And when you put those letters together they spell…"
[They think about what the letters C E I E S C N could spell]
Rusty: "Ice scene!" [Realizes that makes no sense] "Is definitely not my guess."
[They try again and come up with a better idea]
Action News Team: "Science!"
Lincoln: [Gasps] "The Big One is in the science room. Come on, I hope we're not too late."
[The race off]

[At the science lab, Lincoln kicks open the door and rolls in]
Lincoln: "We've got you now, Swindler." [The room is empty, though the projector to the white screen seems to be on, suddenly they notice a skeleton's body and scream] "Swindler is a skeleton!" [Remembers they're in the science lab] "Oh, wait, that's always there."
[Sheepishly laughs. Suddenly the door slams behind them and is locked from the outside, then burglar bars slam down on all the windows. Just then a maniacal laugh is heard and the gang sees the projector start showing a video of a silhouette character on a green background]
The Swindler: "Oops, I lied, The Big One isn't here, it's in the auditorium, but you'll never get there unless you can solve my riddles and escape this room. You have ten minutes. Tick-tock."
[The character disappears, leaving the gang with a green countdown on a black screen, which has already started. But the gang has already come too far to give up now]
Lincoln: "Okay, we can totally do this. Let's start looking for clues."
[His friends nod. Liam looks in a cabinet, but only finds a dead rat in formaldehyde. Stella looks around the screen and decides to raise it. And finds a message on the chalkboard under the countdown]
Stella: "Escape the room or it's lights out for you. Haha." [Thinks and realizes what that means. She goes to the light switch] "Lights out!" [Turns out the lights and looks around] "Guys! Look!"
[The boys look at the periodic table poster, which has a message written above]
Clyde: "Desk drawers?"
[Sees some of the elements glowing]
Lincoln: "And only hydrogen, beryllium and nitrogen are lit." [As Stella joins them] "What do you think that means?"
Stella: "I don't know? But maybe we can find an answer in the teacher's desk. I'll turn on the light."
[They all go to do their tasks. The boys reach the desk as Stella gets the light on. Lincoln opens all three drawers but finds nothing]
Lincoln: "Ugh, empty."
Zach: [Notices something] "Wait! What are these numbers?" [The sides of the drawers are lined with numbers. Zach gasps] "I've seen one of these before. It's a combination that opens a secret compartment."
[Suddenly they hear a buzzing, which is just Rusty playing with the van de graaff generator]
Rusty: [Sees his hair frizzed up] Rad."
Lincoln: "How do we figure out the combination?"
Zach: "Well, there's three drawers, so there must be three numbers. Did anyone see anything we could use?"
Clyde: "What about those glowing elements? Isn't there a number associated with each one?"
Stella: [Standing next to the chart] "Yup, hydrogen's atomic number is one."
[Lincoln moves the first drawer so the number one is showing]
Liam: "Beryllium is four and nitrogen is seven."
[Lincoln adjusts the remaining accordingly and a compartment opens up, revealing a sixth red envelope]
Lincoln: "It worked."
[Zach takes the letter and reads]
Zach: "If I'm given the power to speak, you just might win. Simply shake the hand that has less skin. Okay, who has the least amount of skin."
[Lincoln and Rusty check how much skin they have]
Stella: "I think… he does." [Stella is referring to the skeleton model] "Shake the hand. Could it be this easy?" [Shakes the skeleton's hand, and nothing] "No, why would it be that easy?"
[Liam takes a look at the skull and sees something in the mouth]
Liam: [Gasps] "Hey, look at this. There's a little speaker connected to this feller's jawbone."
Lincoln: "We gotta figure this out guys, only five minutes until The Big One."
Zach: "Soon the hallways will be flooded with sharks, and bees, and stink bombs."
Rusty: "Easy, dawg, you're spiraling."
[Puts a hand on his best friend's shoulder, but accidentally electrocutes him]
Lincoln: "Wait, Rusty, touch the skeleton."
[Rusty shrugs and does so. And in doing so the skeleton's eyes glow red and he almost says something]
Zach: "Woah."
Lincoln: "The power to speak. Rusty's static charge was enough to temporarily turn the skeleton on. But if we're gonna make him talk we'll need a lot more power. And I know just how we can get it."
Stella: [Gets an idea of what Lincoln is implying] "Human chain?" [Lincoln gives her a look that she read his mind] "Yes! Human chain!"
[Zach takes Rusty's hand, and Clyde takes Stella's. Stella is holding the skeleton's hand again, down the chain are herself, Clyde, Liam, Lincoln, Zach and Rusty, who's hand is on the generator again]
Lincoln: "Okay, Rusty, go ahead."
[Rusty touches the generator, one by one the electricity passes through each friend, one by one frizzing all their hair, and finally reaches the skeleton which plays The Swindler's voice]
The Swindler: "Congratulations! Action News Team. You've escaped, now come find me."
[The door unlocks]
Zach: "We did it!"
Lincoln: "Alright!"

[Lincoln kicks the door open and runs through the empty halls again, and crashes into Mr. Bolhofner again, who for some reason suddenly has a black t-shirt with red text under his shirt]
Zach: "Mr. Bolhofner, You gotta get out of here, there's a horrible prank about to happen."
Mr. Bolhofner: [With a smug look] "No there's not."
Lincoln: "What!?" [Suddenly notices the alteration in his homeroom teacher's attire and gasps] "You're the swindler!" [Rips Mr. Bolhofner's shirt right off, revealing a t-shirt reading 'THE SWINDLER'. The gang gasps]
Mr. Bolhofner: "Yup! I was the one who slipped you that first note in the cafeteria." [Flashback to that moment. While Clincoln McCloud is conversing among themselves, they don't notice Mr. Bolhofner hiding behind a trash can. Mr. B licks the first letter and plants it under Lincoln's tray. End of flashback the gang is looking at Mr. Bolhofner, stunned] "Congratulations, you just got your first A in my EAT course."
Action News Team: "Your what?"
Stella: "Wait, what do you mean?"
Mr. Bolhofner: [Explains what EAT stands for] "Espionage And Traps. EAT. Thought the name was pretty clear."
Clyde: "So there's no food?"
[Rusty lifts his shirt again]
Rusty: "The beast is not happy."
Lincoln: "Let me get this straight… you set up this whole thing just to test us for an elective class you're teaching?"
Mr. Bolhofner: "Yup."
Clyde: [Sits] "Uh, I think I need to lie down." [Does so]
Mr. Bolhofner: "Buckle up, you have ten more weeks of this. And I've got some doozies planned." [The gang groan and pass out] "Oh, uh, word of advice, don't eat the meatloaf tomorrow."
[The gang groan even louder, and the episode ends.]