Making the Case/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Making the Case".

Script[]

The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "The Loud Family trophy case. My sisters have done some pretty impressive stuff to get in here. There are Lynn's soccer trophies, Lola's pageant crowns, Lisa's Junior Nobel Prize, even Lily's won her thumb sucking contests! And then there's me." [shows that such trophies are in their proper spots, but his spot is completely vacant and sighs.] "I've tried everything to get into this trophy case."
[Cut to a flashback montage. In the first flashback, Lincoln is running a marathon, but he arrives at the finish line hours after it had finished. The second flashback sees him at a karate tournament; he tries to karate chop a board but breaks his arm in the process and is being put to the hospital. The third sees him participating in a pageant.]
Judge: "And the winner of the Little Miss Cutie Pie Pageant is...Liiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn-dsay Sweetwater!"
[Lincoln sulks. Back to the present]
Lincoln: "But now, I finally have my chance! The 5th Grade Video Contest. Whoever's video gets the most votes wins this beauty." [points to trophy on display, breathes on the glass, and draws a heart around it, Clyde wipes it off.]
Clyde: "You really think you're going to win, Lincoln?"
Lincoln: "With what I have planned, I'm a shoe-in."
Clyde: "You said the same thing about the Cutie Pie pageant."
Lincoln: [defensively] "I was robbed!" [calmly] "Grab your camera."

[Lincoln's wearing some kind of uniform for a stunt as Clyde films it.]
Lincoln: "Are we rolling?" [in character] "Hey, fifth grade! Lincoln Loud here! Ever wonder what happens when 672 breath mints meet 88 gallons of diet soda? Well, you're about to find out!" [rides on Lana's skateboard off a ramp onto a catapult where he is launched by Charles and Cliff into a swimming pool full of diet soda, causing the soda and mints to shoot out like a geyser.]
Clyde: [drenched in soda] "That was amazing! You're right. Everyone's gonna vote for this."
[However, a while after uploading to the school's website's contest page, the video doesn't have any votes at all.]
Lincoln: "Why isn't anybody voting for this?"
Clyde: "Maybe because they're all voting for this HamstaCam video." [uploads video of what is simply a hamster just running around in his wheel like any other hamster.]
Lincoln: [notices the vote total] "50 votes?! Pssh! What's so great about some dumb hamster?" [Geo overheard that and chitters at him angrily] "Not you, Geo. You're awesome."
Clyde: "Hey! We got a vote! No, wait, it's a comment."
Nice try, U shld go to UR BIG SISTER'S site for some tipzz. Her videos R sick: L.O.L. COMEDY CHANNEL
Clyde: "Sick? Oh, no! Do you think they have a virus!"
Lincoln: "It means awesome, Clyde. Click the link."
[Clyde does so]
LUAN OUT LOUD'S COMEDY CHANNEL
Lincoln: "Cute, but how many people wanna watch Luan-" [notices her fan total] "50,000 followers?! Clyde, do you know what this means?"
Clyde: "People waste a lot of time on the internet?"
Lincoln: "No! It means Luan can help us win the video contest! Come on!"

[Luan is looking over Lincoln's video.]
Luan: "Mm-hmm..."
Lincoln: "Pretty sick, right?"
Clyde: "That means awesome."
Luan: "Yeah, not in this case."
Lincoln: [shocked] "What?!"
Luan: "Sorry, Linc. Stunts are so last year. If you want to win the contest, you have to make funny videos."
Lincoln: "Well, how do I make those?"
Luan: "Easy. You just follow my one simple rule. Keep your camera on at all times, because you never know when you'll strike comedy gold. Ooh! Like this!" [films Clyde picking his nose.]
Clyde: "Aw, come on! Erase that!"
Luan: "Don't worry, Clyde. I would never post it without your permission. Besides, I said comedy gold, not digging for gold." [laughs]

[A few hours have passed]
Lincoln: "We've had the camera on all day! Where exactly is this comedy gold?" [beat] "Clyde? Are you listening to me?"
Clyde: "Sorry, Lincoln. I was just worried that Lynn was going to accidentally step on that rake, resulting in a series of escalating mishaps."
Lincoln: "That's great, Clyde, but-series of escalating mishaps?!" [hides in a bush to film Lynn]
Lynn: [bouncing a Soccer ball off her head] "56...57...58...59..." [steps on the rake and gets hit] "Ouch!"
[The ball bounces off a pole and onto her face, sending her flying onto a trampoline where she bounces off and lands in the soda pool.]
Lincoln: "That was hilarious!"
Clyde: "Let's go upload it! This is gonna get a ton of votes!"
Lincoln: "I don't know, Clyde. Enough votes to beat HamstaCam?"
Clyde: [shakes his fist] "HamstaCam!"
Lincoln: [gets an idea] "If we struck comedy gold with one sister, with ten, we'll have Comedy Fort Knox!"
[They laugh evilly]

[They film Luna next]
Luna: [in a British accent, wearing jeans] "Just like me idol, Mick Swagger. All right!" [splits and rips her jeans, revealing her underwear; in her normal accent] "Oof! Ooh, drafty."
[Lincoln and Clyde zoom-in on her rip and laugh and move onto Lucy who's holding a bust of a vampire.]
Lucy: "Oh, Edwin, I know you're forbidden to love a mortal like me, but I can't resist your piercing gaze, your sparkly skin, your icy lips..." [kisses the bust and gets its wax lips over hers.]
Lincoln: "Hmm...maybe something like this is a little too personal."
Clyde: [checks the school's site's poll] "HamstaCam just got 10 more votes!"
Lincoln: [shakes fist] "HamstaCam! Eh, it's not that personal. Keep rolling."
[They then secretly film Lori who is walking up to the fridge and looks around and thinks she's alone; she lets out what looks like a fart; next, they film Lola who is sleeping with a mud mask, a sleeping mask, hair curlers, and a retainer to make herself beautiful; they move onto Lana who rummages through the trash and finds a piece of gum and chews it; they film Lori again while she's texting and she presumably lets out another fart; they film Lisa who is reading a science book until she walks into the banister; Leni comes in and walks aimlessly into the wall next to the banister; they film Lori yet again while she's getting ready to go out for a drive and she presumably farts again; she notices the stench and rolls down the window.]
Clyde: [intoxicated] "Ah, Lori's toots. It's like music to my ears."
Lincoln: "Now, this is gonna beat HamstaCam! Let's go upload it!"
[Clyde remains under the guise of Lori's flatulence and Lincoln drags him with him.]

[The next day at school, all the kids are talking about Lincoln's video.]
Female Classmate: "Lincoln, your video rocks! You got my vote!"
Lance: "Man. Lucy and that sculpture? What a weirdo!"
Female Classmate: "And how about Lori?"
Lance: "You mean Miss Toots-A-Lot? She should see a doctor about that."
[As the kids laugh, Lincoln starts to look a little worried.]
Female Classmate: "So embarrassing."
Lincoln: [worrying] "Embrrassing?"
Lance: "Yeah! My sisters would pulverize me if I posted a video like that!"
Lincoln: [scared] "Pulverize?"

[Later, Lincoln and Clyde are walking.]
Clyde: "You can't get pulverized, Lincoln! I'd never be able to find another best friend!"
Lincoln: "You won't have to. After I win the trophy on Friday, I'll just delete the video."
Clyde: [hugs his best friend] "Just in case...we had a good run, buddy."
Lincoln: "Don't worry, Clyde. My sisters will never know."
[But just as he opens the door, to his and Clyde's dismay, their luck doesn't go so well, because his sisters are right there, and they are incredibly furious. Lori is holding her cell phone with the video on it.]
Clyde: "They know."
[The sisters rant about Lincoln's video.]
Lincoln: "Wait, wait, wait! Let me explain!"
Lori: [angrily] "You've got exactly three seconds before we pulverize you!"
[Lynn cracks her knuckles, obviously for pulverizing Lincoln and Lisa starts a stopwatch to time Lincoln's very limited time and gives Lincoln a suspicious look.]
Lincoln: "There was this video contest at school and I really wanted to win!"
Lola: "You showed my sleep face for some stupid CONTEST?!"
Lincoln: "I just wanted a trophy to put in the case like you guys!"
Luna: [angrily] "You think you deserve a trophy for that, bro?!"
Lincoln: "No. I don't deserve it. Look! I'll delete the video!"
Lucy: "Too late, Lincoln. The damage has already been done."
Lynn: [upset] "You made me look like a fool!"
Lucy: [also upset] "You made me look like a freak!"
Lori: [incredibly embarrassed] "You made me look like I fart! And for the record, it was these shoes! See?" [tries to make it look like they were making the farting noise but fails] "Of course it's not working now."
Lincoln: "Lori, I'm sorry! Wait!" [chases after his sisters, trying to apologize to them]
[Clyde leaves nervously and closes the door]
Lincoln: "Luna, let me explain!"
Luna: [drowning Lincoln out with heavy metal frustration] "Can't hear ya, bro!" [slams her door]
Lincoln: "Leni! Lori! I'm sorry!"
Lori: "You literally disgust me!"
Leni: "Yeah!" [Stupidly walks into the wall and gets dragged in by Lori.]
Lincoln: "Lola! Lana! Please!"
Lola: "You're uninvited to my birthday party FOREVER!" [slams the door]
[Lincoln sighs and Lana opens it which he thinks she will forgive him.]
Lana: "I wanna slam it, too!" [does so]
Lincoln: [knocks on Lisa's door] "Lisa! Lisa?" [Lisa slides a note under the door.] "Vengeance shall be mine." [turns to Lynn and Lucy] "Guys, come on! I'm your brother!"
[Lynn growls in fury]
Lucy: [coldly] "I have no brother!" [starts to close the door then opens it] "I know I say that a lot, but this time...I mean it." [slams door]
Lincoln: "Luan, you gotta help me! I was only doing what you said!"
Luan: "You broke the unspoken rule: never post a video without the person's permission!"
Lincoln: "Why didn't you tell me that?"
Luan: "Because it's unspoken." [she closes her eyes and angrily and despondently slams door]
Lincoln: [sighs sadly] "How am I going to fix this? Well, goodbye, trophy." [deletes the video]
Computer: "DELETED."
Lincoln: "Well, HamstaCam, looks like you win."
[Extra footage of HamstaCam shows the hamster slipping out of his wheel and getting sprayed by his drinking tube.]
Lincoln: "I guess it's hard for anyone to have the camera on you all the time." [gets an idea] "Camera on you all the time! That's it!" [goes to Luan] "Luan! You said your one simple rule is to always have your camera on, right?"
Luan: "That is correct, Captain Obvious."
Lincoln: "Then I'm going to need to borrow all your footage of me."
Luan: "You mean...Comedy Fort Knox?" [reveals a vault of footage of Lincoln she's filmed over the years.]

[Lincoln is filming a new video about himself.]
Lincoln: "Hey, fifth grade! Lincoln Loud here! Ever wonder what happens when one brother messes up and embarrasses all ten of his sisters? I didn't think you would. But this is how you fix it." [holds up a copyright card] "Oh, and for legal reasons, all videos were provided by Luan Out Loud, LLC. All rights reserved, patent pending. Let 'er rip!"
[The first clip is of Lincoln in his underwear pretending to flex muscles and kissing his arm; the next clip is of him holding a photo of a girl named Cristina, which he's taped on the Edwin bust.]
Lincoln: [suavely] "Well, Cristina, I can't say I'm surprised you asked me out. I've seen the way you look at me in the lunch line."
[The next clip is of him dancing around in some silly outfit; the next clip has him combing his one chest hair and for some reason watering it; the next clip is of him watching a sappy reality show about a man choosing his woman.]
Man: "Bentley, will you accept this rose?"
[Lincoln starts crying; more footage of him admiring Cristina.]
Lincoln: "Oh, this manly thing? Yes, it is a chest hair. The first of many, I'm sure."
[The next clip is of him sleeping with Bun-Bun and sucking his thumb; the next clip is of Lori letting out a fart and Lincoln walking by and falling over from the stench; in the next clip is of him singing in the shower as Luan pulls back the shower curtain.]
Lincoln: "♫ Groomin' the chest hair, I'm groomin' the chest hair, I'm groomin' the- ♫" [slips and falls]
[Even more footage of him and the Cristina photo.]
Lincoln: "Come on, Cristina. I've thought about it, you've thought about it, why are we fighting this?" [puts on breath spray, but the photo slips off the bust he taped the photo on and he kisses the bust instead.]
[The video is over and all of the kids are laughing at it, except a stunned Cristina.]
Female Classmate: "Oh, Lincoln."
Lance: "And just to be clear, we're laughing at you, not with you."
Female Classmate: "I thought your sisters' video was embarrassing, but this takes the cake! And still to lose out to a hamster? Ouch!" [Lincoln sighs in defeat]

[Outside the Loud House, a depressed Lincoln comes back.]
Lincoln: "I sure hope that worked." [opens the door only to find out that his sisters are STILL furious] "It didn't work."
Lori: [sternly] "Lincoln..."
Lincoln: [apologetically] "I know I embarrassed you and I can't undo it, and I'm sorry, but the least I could do was embarrass myself right along with you, that way we'd all be even!"
Lynn: "Even? You think this makes us even?"
Lincoln: "Well, I was trying to-"
Lynn: "Yours was way worse!"
Lori: [cheerfully] "Yeah! That video was hysterical!"
[The girls surround Lincoln and ensure him that they forgive him.]
Lincoln: "So, we're good?"
Lucy: "We're good...brother."
Luan: "Sorry you didn't win the trophy."
Lori: "But we really appreciate what you did and thought you deserved something." [hands him a tiny trophy.]
Lincoln: "Wow. Thanks, guys."
[Lola and Lynn hug him and Luna pats him on the head; he runs to the case and places the trophy in his spot.]
Lincoln: "Most Improved Brother." [to the viewers] "I did it. My sisters no longer despise me, Cristina's switching classes, and I finally made the case."
[Another flatulent sound occurs and the other girls look at Lori suspiciously and in disbelief.]
Lori: "It was my shoe!" [Rock and roll music ends out the episode.]
[The end.]