The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Royal Woods' Comic Book Nook. Lincoln, dressed as David Steele, peeks around an aisle, stealthily moves through another, and flips over it.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "It's Allowance Day, which means one thing: I can finally buy another David Steele mystery box." [The store has a stand displaying the mystery boxes] "Each one has a different character inside. I've collected all of them except for the coolest, rarest one: Mr. David Steele himself." [Cut to his imagination, where the highest box opens to reveal a David Steele action figure] "And bonus: He comes with a stain-resistant tux." Kara: "You mean the Stainless Steele?" [Lincoln snaps out of his imagination] Lincoln: "Huh?" Kara: "Good luck with that. My parents own this store, and even I haven't found one." Lincoln:[scoffs] "Kara, please. It's not luck when you've got Steele instincts." [shakes a box, knocks on it, and tosses it] "Hmm, good weight." [sniffs it] "Smells like Steele." [Kara makes a "hand it over" gesture, and he hands it over before paying for it and opening it, revealing...] "Another Lackey Larry?! No!" Kara: "Guess your Steele instincts are a little rusty. Wanna try again?" Lincoln:[puts the figure back] "I can't. I don't have any more money." Kara: "Well, you could do what Lackey Larry did in issue 147." [shows the issue in question, showing Lackey Larry borrowing money from Golden Toe] Lincoln: "Oh. Borrow the money from a kingpin with extra cash like Golden Toe." [takes the issue] "Hmm... Who do I know that's a kingpin?"
[The Loud House, the twins' room. Lola is menacingly stroking Cliff as she hears Lincoln's plea at her tea table.] Lola: "Love the golden part, but don't call me a toe." Lincoln: "No, that's-- sorry. We got off on the wrong foot." [Lola growls] "So, can I borrow the money?" Lola: "Sure, why not?" [lets Cliff off] "I'm always happy to use my pageant earnings to help out a less fortunate family member." [grabs Mr. Sprinkles and reveals a money stash] Lincoln:[gets money symbols in his eyes] "Ooh!" [He tries to reach for the money, but Lola slaps his arm] Lola: "Not so fast. You're not getting a dime until you sign this contract, promising to pay me back." [She grabs a lengthy contract and puts it on her table. Lincoln grabs the first page and starts reading.] Lincoln: "Um, should I read this first?" Lola: "Oh, no, no, just sign." [hands a pen over] "My attorney, Mr. Sprinkles, already reviewed it." [Lincoln looks at Mr. Sprinkles and then eagerly signs. Lola hands over some money.]
[A montage plays. At the comic book store, Lincoln grabs a mystery box and cashes in Lola's money before opening it and finding another Lackey Larry. He groans in disappointment and throws the figure away. Back in Lola's room, Lola opens her closet and grabs her purse, showing Lincoln more money. He gasps in awe as she dumps the money in his hands. Back at the comic book store, he uses it to pay for another box, this time getting a Blowfish as he tosses it aside in disappointment. More money gets cashed in for three mystery boxes. Back in his room, Lincoln opens the boxes to find another Lackey Larry, another Blowfish, and an Odd Bob. He's gathered quite the collection of mystery boxes, enough to form a growing pile. He opens another box to find another Odd Bob.] Lincoln: "Odd Bob? Ugh." [throws it away and opens another to find another Blowfish] "Blowfish? Ugh!" [throws it away and opens another to find a defective Odd Bob] "Odd Bob with Blowfish's dorsal fin? So much for quality control." [throws it away and grabs the last box] "OK, this is my last chance. Lola said no more money. Come on, Stainless Steele..." [opens it and finds another Lackey Larry] "Dang it." [collapses in defeat, only to find another unopened box under one of his polos] "Huh?" [grabs it] "Let me guess, another Lackey Larry." [opens it to finally find a Stainless Steele] "Yes! It's him! It's really him! This is the best day of my life! Woo!" [jumps down from his bed and starts dancing] "♫ Yeah, I got you finally now! David Steele, let's save the world! ♫" [His joy is interrupted when Lola opens his door.] Lola:[angrily] "Hello, Lincoln." Lincoln: "Oh, hey, Lola." Lola:[enters] "Enough pleasantries. This isn't a social visit." [shows the contract] "We had a deal." Lincoln:[rubs his eyes] "Oh, right, the loan. So I, uh, kinda thought that this was more of a pay-when-you're-ready situation..." [chuckles] Lola: "No. Oh, no. It's a pay-when-I'm-ready situation, as it states right here." [points at the contract] "And I'm ready now!" Lincoln:[grabs his wallet] "All right, what's the damage?" [Lola unfurls the bill, which is extremely lengthy. He checks his wallet and finds he's completely broke. Gulps] "Heh. Looks like I'm a little short. But maybe I could give you my, um, wallet instead. It's genuine pleather." Lola: "Ugh, hard pass." [slaps it away] "But, lucky for you, I'm an extremely understanding and generous person. You can work off your debt to me. For starters, you'll be driving me around town while breaking these in for me." [holds up her heels] [Lincoln grimaces with dread]
[Later, Lincoln, now wearing Lola's heels, is driving her around in her jeep. The heels are so small they're painful as he struggles to press the gas pedal.] Lincoln: "How the heck do you drive in these things?" [brakes] Lola: "It's an art. Now step on it! We have errands to run!" [Meanwhile, A. Kidd and his friend are talking when Scoots shows up] A. Kidd's Friend:' "So I told her, forget it." [Scoots drives right past them and straight towards Lincoln and Lola] Scoots: "Outta my way, fancy wheels! Mama's late for a colonoscopy!" [Lincoln panics and swerves past Scoots and right into a fire hydrant, damaging the jeep.] Lola:[writing in her notebook] "Hate to add to your debt, but I have to charge you for the cost of the cosmetic damage." [The hydrant springs a leak and blasts Lincoln away] "And the water damage."
[Later, at Royal Woods Mall, Lola walks past a pink crystal teapot before noticing it] Lola: "I want it, I want it, I want it!" [Lincoln, still wearing the heels, is struggling to walk in them while carrying Lola's merchandise] Lincoln:[in pain] "Ow, ow, ow, ow." [does the splits] "Can we take a break? I think my blisters are starting to blister." Lola: "That means it's working, Lincoln. Now be a dear and go return this dress at Reininger's for me." [hands the dress over] "I have a date with that crystal piece of fabulousness." [giggles and leaves] [Lincoln sighs and makes his way to Reininger's] Lincoln:[still in pain] "Ow. Ow." [Suddenly an employee hands out some food samples] Employee: "Care to try a bacon-wrapped, fried, mini corn dog sample?" Lincoln:[sniffs] "Yes, please. Um, I don't have a free hand, so could you just toss one in my mouth?" [The employee throws a sample in Lincoln's mouth. Lincoln savors the taste] Employee: "Complimentary condiments?" Lincoln: "Mmm... mm-hmm." [The employee fires condiments in Lincoln's mouth, and each time he eats it, he pushes Lola's merchandise out of the way before speaking to the viewers] "Ha! Bet you thought that was going to end badly." [He proceeds to continue on his merry way to Reininger's, but trips on a stray piece of fabric from Lola's merchandise and lands right on a Sauces of the World cart, dropping the goods. He then realizes the sauces have spilled on Lola's dress. Lola comes back with the crystal pot, whistling, when she notices the ruined dress.] Lola:[gasps] "MY DRESS!!!" [picks it up] "I can't return it now!" [to Lincoln] "I'm adding this to your tab!" Lincoln: "What?! No!" [runs past her and knocks the pot out of her hands] "I can fix this!" [He catches the pot, but fumbles due to his heels and drops the pot, causing it to break.] Lola:[angered] "Looks like you'll be working for me for a long, long, long time." [Lincoln fantasizes himself as an old man, still wearing the heels and carrying more of Lola's stuff... except she's now also an old lady] Old Lola: "Hurry up! I hear there's a sale on compression socks!" [Old Lincoln trips on the fountain and lands inside as Old Lola's merchandise lands on him. Back to reality.] Lincoln: "I gotta do something about this."
[Cut to the Loud House living room] Lincoln:[begging on his knees] "Please! You have to lend me the money to pay off Lola. I don't wanna be an 80-year-old man falling into a fountain." [He's begging in front of Leni, Lynn, Lucy, Lisa, and Lily] Lynn: "Dude, I feel for you, but I don't have that kind of cheddar." Lucy, Lisa, and Lily: "Me neither." Leni: "Hmm..." [gets an idea and accidentally shoves Lily off her lap; Lily glares at her in response] "OMGosh, I know! We can combine our money to save Lincoln!" [The other sisters glare at her] Lynn:[to Lincoln] "Sure... as long as you pay us back." [All the sisters turn to Lincoln, Leni looking smug while the others glare at him.] Lincoln: "Of course, it'll be my top priority. You can count on me." [The sisters hand over their money]
ONE WEEK LATER [Lincoln is playing with his David Steele collection, pitting his Stainless Steele figure against the defective Odd Bob figure] Defective Odd Bob: "Sorry, Steele, but you're no match for my surprise dorsal fin." Stainless Steele: "Really? Because I'd say you're fin-ished." [chuckles] [Lincoln has the Stainless Steele figure smack the defective Odd Bob figure, which hits the door. Enter Leni, Lynn, Lucy, Lisa, and Lily, who don't look at all happy.] Lincoln: "Um, hi." Lynn: "We're here to collect, Stinkin'." Leni: "Yeah, you totally haven't paid us back yet, and we're tired of dropping hints." Lincoln:[clueless] "Huh? What hints?" [Cue a series of flashbacks of said sisters dropping obvious hints while Lincoln is distracted playing with his David Steele collection. In the first flashback, Lisa opens the front door, looks around, and then walks outside.] Lisa: "Apologies, Todd, but I cannot afford your oil change this month." [Enter a rusted Todd] "I don't have the money!" [Lincoln is outside, having his Stainless Steele figure beat up a Lackey Larry.] Stainless Steele: "It's over, Lackey Larry." [Lincoln does a backflip] "Woo-pow." Lincoln: "David Steele saves the day again." [Lisa is annoyed that he hasn't gotten the hint. Second flashback to Lincoln in the upstairs hallway removing lint from the Stainless Steele figure] Lincoln: "We can't have lint on your suit when you receive that medal from the president." [In Lynn and Lucy's room, Lucy sees Lincoln incoming and then goes to fake a seance] Lucy: "Crystal ball, the debt is due. When will Lincoln get a clue?" Lincoln: "Oh, wait." [Lucy grins, hoping her hint has gotten to him, but...] "One of your buttons has a scuff." [throws the lint remover away] "Let's buff that out." [leaves] Lucy:[annoyed] "Sigh..." [Third flashback to Lincoln reading a David Steele comic in the living room, holding the Stainless Steele figure] Lincoln: "Agent Steele heard Golden Toe sneaking up behind him and went kapow, kapow, pow." [He throws punches with the Stainless Steele figure. Nearby, Lily is playing with a toy cash register and removes the money holder.] Lily: "Lily is bankrupt!" [throws it at him] [But Lincoln unknowingly deflects it with his fist and the Stainless Steele figure, knocking the holder right back at Lily's head.] Lincoln: "Kachow! David, you've been hit! MALICE must be after us!" [leaves] [Lily is annoyed that he still hasn't gotten the hint. Back to the present.] Lincoln: "I'm so sorry, guys." [facepalms] "I guess I've just been a little distracted lately with my mystery box collection. Here, let's see how much money I got in the old wallet." [checks his wallet and it's completely empty with a fly flying out of it; chuckles] "Looks like I'm a bit short." [The sisters are all glaring at him. He sighs] "I have to work for you all now, don't I?" [The sisters smirk and nod at him.]
[At the Roller Rink, Lynn and her friends are rollerblading. Lynn is completely exhausted as she takes a stop and wipes the sweat off her brow.] Lynn: "Hey, water boy! My electrolytes aren't gonna replenish themselves!" [Lincoln hears that and fills a cup of water. He then gets on the skating rink, dodging Lynn's friends as they skate laps around the rink before making it to Lynn. She takes the cup and drinks it...] Lynn's Friends: "Watch out!" [The other girls run over Lincoln.]
[The backyard; now he's strapped on a device] Lisa: "Commencing turbo speed on human test subject." [She nods at Todd, who pushes a lever and causes the device to spin rapidly. Lincoln screams as the device is so fast it falls off its hinges and goes rolling around the backyard, chopping the tree in half.] Lisa:[taking notes] "Fascinating..."
[Reininger's; Lincoln is dressed in yoga gear (which is on a 50% off sale) and is struggling to hold the same pose as a nearby mannequin.] Leni: "Thanks again for filling in for Tanya. She has a really bad migraine." [She gestures to Tanya, who is lying on a bed that is for sale and has an ice cap on her head. Lincoln loses balance and collapses.]
[Now Lincoln is back in the backyard and lying in a coffin.] Lincoln: "So how long do I have to test your coffin for?" Lucy: "Eight hours, ten tops. Oh, I almost forgot: here's your breathing straw." [She hands over a pink breathing straw and places it in Lincoln's mouth. He's about to close the coffin when the other sisters show up and force the lid open with Lisa removing the straw.] Leni, Lynn, Lisa, and Lily: "Lincoln, we need you!" Lucy: "Apologies, sisters, but Lincoln is already buried in work." [laughs] Lisa: "Tough tungsten. I need a sample of his earwax for science." [grabs his left ear and readies a drilling device] Lynn: "Well, wait in line." [grabs his right arm] "I need a target for archery practice." [begins pulling on him] "Move it, Stinkin'!" [The other sisters grab hold on Lincoln and begin a tug-of-war on him, Lucy on his right leg, Lily on his left leg, and Leni on his right arm.] Lily: "Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!" Lisa: "Give him to me!" Leni: "I forgot what we're doing!" Lincoln: "STOP!" [Everyone lets go] "If I keep this up, I'm going to need a coffin for real." Lynn: "Well, if you're not gonna work for us anymore, we want our money back!" Leni, Lucy and Lisa: "Yeah!" Lily: "Figure it out, Lincoln!" Lincoln:[sighs] "You guys are right. I never should have borrowed money that I couldn't pay back." [takes out his Stainless Steele figure] "I know what I have to do."
[Back at the Royal Woods Comic Book Nook, Lincoln comes in with his David Steele collection in a wheelbarrow.] Lincoln: "So how would you like to buy a complete David Steele mystery box collection plus several dozen henchmen?" Kara:[gasps] "I would like nothing more!" [Lincoln gasps...] "If this were two weeks ago." [Lincoln's smile fades] "The same collection is being reissued tomorrow, so yours are completely worthless." [Lincoln pulls out the puppy eyes] "Save those puppy eyes for someone who cares. Best I can do is twelve dollars for the lot." Lincoln: "Twelve dollars? That's not nearly enough to pay back my sisters." Kara: "Sorry, not everyone is cut out for the high-pressure world of comic memorabilia collecting." Lincoln:[sighs] "Well, I guess twelve bucks is a start. Maybe I can mow lawns or clean the toilets at Flip's." [Kara leaves her desk and begins to wheel the wheelbarrow when the defective Odd Bob figure lands out. She gasps. Meanwhile, Lincoln gets out the Stainless Steele figure] "I guess we've had our last mission together, David." [breaks down sobbing] Kara: "Wait." [grabs the defective Odd Bob figure] "It can't be!" [examines it] Lincoln: "Oh, sorry. I forgot to remove that one. I know it's junk." Kara: "Junk? This is an Odd Bob with Blowfish's dorsal fin. I read about this in the David Steele fan boards. I thought it was just the stuff of legend." Lincoln: "So you're saying it's valuable?" Kara: "It's a factory defect. Those are always worth the most. Let's just say I'm willing to pay this amount for it." [whispers the cost to Lincoln] [Lincoln gasps as dollar signs appear in his eyes.]
[Back at the Loud House, Lincoln pays back his sisters with the cash he'd earned from the defective Odd Bob sale. Lisa takes her money and turns to the still-rusted Todd] Lisa: "Ready your joints, Todd. It's time for your oil change!" Todd: "HOORAY." [They leave] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "So it all worked out in the end. I was able to pay my sisters back and keep almost all of my collection." [takes out his Stainless Steele figure] Stainless Steele: "Now all we need is that new Steele Mobile that we saw in the store." Lincoln: "Nice try, Agent Steele, but I learned my lesson. You have to be careful before you borrow stuff from people." Lola:[off-screen] "LINCOLN! Will you give me back my pageant pumps already?!" [He's indeed still wearing the heels] Lincoln:[chuckles] "Sorry. They're actually pretty comfortable once you break them in." [skips off] [The end.]
