Parade Day/Transcript

Big Coffee, interior[]

(Episode title appears on a cluster of balloons outside; Cricket is serving a couple.)

Cricket: Okay, I've got one soy latte for you, and one iced cappuccino over here, aaaand... (scatters...) Parade Day necklaces for everyone! (they cheer with him) Woo! Happy Parade Day, y'all!

(At the counter, a male customer wearing Parade Day merch leaves with his coffee.)

Gloria: Thank you, sir. And have a happy Parade Day! Enjoy it! Some of us can't be there! Even though we really wanna be...! (frowns, dejectedly) Just once...

Cricket: (appears behind her) HAPPY PARADE DAY, GLORIA!

Gloria: AGH!

(He gives her a necklace and slides off the pastry display.)

Cricket: Wheeeee! So, when are we goin' to the parade?

Gloria: A-huh...we can't go to the parade. This is the cafe's busiest day of the year.

Cricket: Well, surely, work allows you to do fun stuff when there's fun stuff to do!

Gloria: Ugh... Look, I wanna see the parade, too, but it's our responsibility to stay here and keep the cafe running.

(Cricket frowns.)

Gloria: So since we're in this together, I suggest you quit whining, and go take out the trash.

Cricket: Fine... but I want my beads back!

Gloria: No. They look good on me.

(The door is heard opening.)

Bill (OS): Hey, Cricket!

(The rest of the Greens are here, Bill wearing Parade Day merch and Tilly holding her camera.)

Bill: We're headed over to the parade! You joinin' us?

Cricket: No, I can't. I gotta stay here and work.

Bill: Ah, that's a shame. We've watched the parade on TV every year. This year, we actually get to see it in person!

(Close-up on a rather devastated Cricket.)

Bill (OS): And it's all happenin' just a block away from here! It's so convenient!

Tilly: Plus, you're gonna miss seein' me on a float.

Bill: Ah...n-no, Tilly. We're just gonna watch the parade, we're not gonna be in it.

Tilly: (shifting eyes, smirks) If you say so...

Bill: (chuckles) Ah, listen to us ramble on and on... we're keepin' you from your work! Have a good day, son! (He and Tilly exit.)

Gramma: It won't be the same without you, but it will still be very, very fun! Byyyyye! (exits)

Cricket: (whimpers, shakes himself) I gotta get to that parade! Stupid job ain't gonna keep me from watching it! Gotta find a way to sneak outta work without Gloria catchin' me. But how...?

Gloria: Cricket! Go take the trash out to the dumpster!

Cricket: (eyes go wide; smiles) Hmm... Sure thing, Gloria...I'll be riiiiight baaaaaack... (slowly walks away)

Gloria: (narrows eyes suspiciously) Hmm...

(Out the window, Cricket drags a trash bag past a customer; he leans it against a fence and whistles nonchalantly, before opening it to reveal a stepladder which he uses to climb over the fence. Gloria saw it all.)

Gloria: HEY! You better not be tryin' to sneak off to watch the parade!

Cricket: Ohhhh...!!!! (tries to get back on the ladder) Mmm... (suddenly stumbles) Whoaaaaaa!!! (falls and hits the customer's table, making it fall with him) Oof.

(Back inside, Cricket approaches an old lady at her table.)

Cricket: Oh! What was that? You desperately need more napkins? I'll go get some right away, sir!

Old lady: I didn't ask for napkins --

Cricket: Okay! Relax! I'm gettin' you all those napkins you asked for! (reverses)

Gloria: (suspiciously) Huh...?

Employee closet[]

Cricket: (snickers) Now where are all those napkins!? (snickers; walks to the roof access ladder) Too easy. (climbs)

Rooftop[]

Cricket: (opens the hatch) Aha! Parade, here I come! (Unfortunately, Gloria is right before him.) Ooooh...

Gloria: BACK INSIDE. NOW.

Cricket: Mmm...!!! (closes hatch; reopens it)

Gloria (OS): NOW.

Cricket: Mmm...!!! (closes hatch)

Interior[]

Gloria: (to a customer) Thank you, and have a happy Parade Day! (to herself) Now where did Cricket go...?

(As the customer approaches the door, Cricket suddenly falls out of his backpack.)

Cricket: Oof. Dang it! I was so close! Maybe if I sneak out through the vents...

Gloria: THAT'S IT! You're on mop duty for the rest of the day!

Employee closet[]

Cricket: (angrily slams door open; grumbles) Stupid Gloria and her responsibilities rainin' on my Parade Day...!

(He grabs the mop away; this suddenly reveals a poster that advertises, "Don't forget your 15 minute break! It's the LAW!".)

Cricket: Hmm? "15 minute break"? (drops the mop) That's it!

Interior[]

Cricket: (kicks the door open) LOOPHOLE! LOOPHOLE, LOOPHOLE, LOOPHOLE! HABEAS CORPUS, I OBJECT!!

Gloria: (annoyed) What now?

Cricket: According to the "law", I get a mandatory 15 minute break. Which I'll be taking riiiight now to go watch the parade.

Gloria: But...the rush is about to start! So, it's not a good time for your break.

Cricket: Sorry, Gloria. (takes a timer from the counter) But who wants laws on my side? I'll watch the parade for a bit and be back before you know it. (sets it for 15 minutes)

Gloria: (sets the timer on her phone) Okay! Okay, fine! but if you're not back in 15 minutes, YOU'RE FIRED!

Cricket: (opens door, throwing apron off) See ya in fifteen!

(Right when he slips out, a huge line of customers swarm into the cafe; Gloria is dumbstruck.)

Gloria: Oh, my gosh.

Sidewalk[]

Cricket: Pfffft! I'll show her! I'll watch the parade and keep my job!

(Up ahead, the Greens stand behind a railing; Tilly is taking pictures, but Gramma's eyes are obsured by the bars.)

Bill: Wow! This is a great spot!

Gramma: It would be if I could see anything!

Cricket: (joins them) Oh, hello, family! (sits on the railing)

Bill: Cricket what are you doin' here? Did Gloria let you take the day off?

Cricket: Pssh. No. Just take my break early. I've got 15 minutes to enjoy as much as the parade as possible. ...Er, well...more like nine minutes. (looks at the timer)

Tilly: Your timin' is impeccable. The parade is about to begin!

(Up the street, the parade is underway; various balloons, particularly a blue genie and a big orange cat, float down the street; the first of these is attached to a float advertising Splish, and someone stands on it.)

Tilly (OS): Here comes the Splish soda float now!

(Close-up of the rider: a princess-dressed woman wearing a banner reading "Miss Splish".)

Tilly (OS): And atop it rides Miss Splish, the queen of all sodas.

Miss Splish: (throws a Splish can) Whoo!

Man: (gets hit) OW!

(The marching band precedes the spectacle; zooms at warp speed to the right until the sounds die out and stops on the Greens.)

Cricket: Oh...!! Look how slow and tiny they are! At this rate, I won't get to see anything before I have to go back! (checks the timer again) If only there was a way to watch the parade from the cafe. Hmm...

(His eyes go wide as before, another idea in head.)

Cricket: Wait a minute... Loophole. Loophole, loophole, double loophole! Tilly, we're gonna reroute the parade so that it marches right past the cafe! You down to help me?

Tilly: Always am. (holds up a giant lollipop) Just gotta finish my giant lollipop, first.

(She licks it, and Cricket grows increasingly impatient. After three licks...)

Cricket: TILLY, I'M ON THE CLOCK!

Intersection, left side[]

(Keys stands next to a barricade which blocks the road so the parade can pass; Cricket and Tilly watch from behind a mailbox.)

Cricket: Okay, Tilly, here's the plan...

(Cuts to a crayon drawing of an overhead shot of the block, as the heads of himself, Tilly, Keys and Gloria show the action.)

Cricket (VO): Officer Keys is guarding those barricades up ahead. I need you to distract him so I can sneak past, adjust the first barricade, then the second barricade, and then head back to the cafe where I can enjoy the parade while working. And Gloria will be all like, "Oh, Cricket, you're so cool! I'm sorry I ever doubted ya!" (giggles)

(Back to reality.)

Cricket: Think you can handle the distraction, Tilly?

Tilly: Hmm... (spots a stand selling Parade Day hats and shirts) Leave it to me.

(Up ahead, Keys hums to himself; Tilly approaches him, wearing a hat and holding her camera in one hand, and a balloon with a poorly-drawn face and shirt in the other.)

Tilly: Happy Parade Day, officer. Would you be a dear and take a photo of me and my sweet fiancé? Ain't he a charmer.

Keys: Aww...! (chuckles; takes the camera) Well, sure thing! You two make a cute couple!

(He starts taking pictures; as they continue, Cricket sneaks past behind them.)

Tilly: Thanks! We're elopin' and can never return home.

Keys: Aww! (chuckles)

(Cricket adjusts the barricade on the right street so that it blocks the street behind Keys.)

Tilly: Oh, we're on our honeymoon right now.

Keys: Wow!

Tilly: Be sure to get my good side! Aha.

(She winks aside, and Cricket gives the thumbs-up.)

Cricket: Ha-ha! (leaves)

Keys: Got it! These are gonna come out great! (sees Tilly has left and the balloon remains) Ma'am? Ma'am! You forgot your camera! Ma -- (looks at the balloon floating away) Sir? Sir! (pauses) Huh. Love is a mystery. (hears the band) Oop! Here comes the parade!

(Indeed here comes the band.)

Keys: All right! Everybody this way, this way!

Other intersection[]

Cricket: (zipping down the road with Tilly) All good so far, Tilly!

(They reach the end of the street and adjust the second barricade so that it blocks the road ahead.)

Cricket: Just gotta move this barricade and then we're home free!

(But right once they do so, a barricade truck comes right out of nowhere and notices the blocked road; it tries to turn around it, but crashes into the lamppost, spilling all the barricades in the trunk, blocking THAT road all together.)

Driver: Oh no! My barricades! The only thing they couldn't stop...was me! WHYYYYYYY!!!??? (breaks down)

Cricket: OH, COME ON!! (hears the band) Huh?

(The parade is coming right up the street to the now-blocked intersection.)

Cricket (OS): Oh, no. (cut to him) This is not good...!

Big Coffee, interior[]

Gloria: (terrified) This is not good.

(Pulls back to show her attaining to a huge mob of customers.)

Woman 1: I've been waiting for so long!

Man 1: Hey! Where's my coffee?!

Man 2: Free coffee, please?

Woman 2: My tea has WATER in it!!

Man 3: (wet and clotheless, covering crotch with a towel) Excuse me? Something happened in the bathroom...!!

Gloria: AAAAAAGH!!!

(She looks at her phone timer; it is at 5:00.)

Gloria: YOU BETTER NOT BE LATE, CRICKET...!!!

Blocked intersection[]

(Cricket's phone is at the same time.)

Cricket: Oh, man! Only five minutes left! Okay, no problem, no problem...

(He looks up; they are right before Hudkins Department Store.)

Cricket: Hmm... (it hits him) New plan!

(Crayon drawing scenario as before.)

Cricket (VO): Due to unforeseen circumstances that were not my fault, we're gonna have to take a little detour through the department store.

Tilly (VO): Another buffo plan cricket.

(Back to reality; the band stops with a halt.)

Drum major: Hmm?

(They see the crashed barricade truck ahead.)

Snare drummer: What should we do?

Drum major: Hmm, well...as the parade leader, I say --

Cricket: (steals the drum major's baton) Bingo-bango! This way, fellas! (marches in the direction of Hudkins)

Drum major: HEY!

Snare drummer: Sorry, Gerald, but parade law states that we must follow whoever wields the baton, no matter what.

Drum Major Gerald: But I --

Snare drummer: NO MATTER WHAT.

(The parade follows on.)

Drum Major Gerald: (sighs) I understand... (sulkingly follows)

(The doors open to let them in.)

Hudkins, interior[]

(He marches past the perfume department.)

Cricket: Make way! Make way! Parade comin' through!

Female customer: Did that little boy say a para -- (looks over) OH MY GOSH!!

(They struggle to get the orange cat balloon inside.)

Female customer 2 (OS): Here comes Crabby Tabby, everyone's favorite finicky feline!

Male customer (OS): Wow, could this day get any better?

(They cheer and applaud; they are suddenly loomed over and scream in fright. One cashier ducks to let it past. One man shrieks and jumps into the arms of the man next to him. A customer is getting stuck underneath.)

Male customer: Tell my wife I love...parades!!!

Female customer 2: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(On the Splish float, Miss Splish gets out from under the genie balloon and waves pensively.)

Miss Splish: Hello...? (giggles nervously) What on earth is going on...?

(Tilly rises behind her with a demented look on her face.)

Tilly: A revolution.

(Cricket is still leading.)

Cricket: (chuckles) I can't believe this is actually working!

Opposite Hudkins entrance[]

Cricket: (runs out) Almost there!

Striving man: (comes forward) ♫ Doo-doo-doo... ♫ Can't beat shoppin' on Parade Day. The stores are so quiet.

(The genie balloon bursts through the doorway and bashes him out of the picture.)

Cricket: (slows down) Ha-ha! All right! I did it! (The band is also out.) The parade's on track! Now I just gotta get back to the cafe in... (looks at the timer; dumbstruck) THIRTY SECONDS!!?? I-I'm never gonna make it!!!

(Big Coffee is several miles away, no way to get there in just that short time.)

Tilly (OS): WORRY NOT, CRICKET!

(Tilly has somehow taken Miss Splish's place, to the point of stealing her costume and makeup.)

Tilly: A queen always provides...FOR HER PEOPLE!

Cricket: Tilly? Where's Miss Splish?

Tilly: Oh, she was unfit to rule. Now grab hold, brother!

Cricket: Okay! (hands Gerald back the baton) Here you go! You can have this back!

Drum Major Gerald: Yes! My life has meaning again!

Cricket: (jumps and grabs onto the strings of the genie balloon) Ah! Ugh...Got it!

(Tilly gets out a sword and pops the balloon, sending Cricket flying down the street at warp speed.)

Cricket: Whoa!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tilly: Go free, genie! You are no longer bound by the whims of man. Well, back to work! (throws a can of Splish)

Offscreen man: OW!

Big Coffee, exterior[]

Cricket: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA MAKE IT!!

(He lands at last.)

Cricket: Agh!! (groans as he flips; finally stops) Ha-CHA! Nothin' broken! (hears whistling) Huh?

(The genie balloon deflates far into the distance.)

Cricket: There he goes... (salutes) Thank you for your service, Genie. (The timer rings in his chest pocket.) Whoa! Gotta go! (goes inside)

Interior[]

Cricket: (walks into the cafe with eyes closed) YEAH! I DID! IT! I made it back in time! I (opens eyes and points ahead) TOLDJA I could do it, Gloriaaaaaa...uh...oh...

(Zoom back to reveal the cafe in complete disarray with the customers rioting and pigeons eating the trash; Gloria is still putting up with their needs.)

Angry female customer: I wanna speak to your manager!

Cricket: (realizing something) Oh, my gosh! This all happened in fifteen minutes!?!

Gloria: (totally tired out) Would you like whipped cream with that...?

Cricket: (runs over to her) Gloria! I-I'm back!

Gloria: (not amused) Oh...hello, Cricket. How was your break?

Cricket: Look, I'm sorry. I'm starting to think it might have been wrong to leave the cafe when I did. (Gloria is confused.) I guess I was a pretty lousy co-worker. Is this what responsibility feels like? BLAH! It's awful!

Gloria: (smiles and chuckles) Yeah, it is. Don't worry, you'll grow into it.

(The customers are still arguing.)

Angry male customer: Um...hello?! Are you just gonna sit there?! Papa needs his macchiato!!

Gloria: Okay, sir...just a minute...

Cricket: No, Gloria. You've done enough. You've pushed yourself too hard!

Gloria: But Cricket, someone has to handle these...monsters!

(Cricket stares at the still rioting customers; he firmly turns his cap back to front.)

Cricket: If you can handle this mess alone then so can I! Take a break Gloria, you deserve it. (heads right for them)

Gloria: Cricket, no!!

Cricket: I've got work to do. (gets up on a stool) If anyone needs anything, come to me! (to Gloria) Better hurry -- the parade will be here any second.

(He closes his eyes and spreads his arms out, as he succumbs to the mob as they close in on him and sink him down. Gloria sits up.)

Gloria: Parade? What are you...?

Exterior[]

Gloria: (comes out the door) Huh?

(And here comes the parade, rerouted to Big Coffee just as Cricket planned. Gloria gasps with delight as it passes the cafe and confetti rains down on her.)

Gloria: My first Parade Day...! IT'S AMAZING!!

Tilly: Happy Parade Day to all! Bow to your queen!

Gloria: Happy Parade Day, Miss Splish! (briefly looking aside) Thanks, Cricket.

Bill: (frantically running behind Gloria) HAS ANYONE SEEN MY DAUGHTER!!?? OH, GOSH! TILLY, WHERE'D YOU GO!!?? TILLLLLYYYYYYYYYY!!!???!!!