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Cricket and Gloria cringe from the debris "Gotta pay off my destruction debt."
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Remy finishes his denial not as serious "I...think I...don't...want to...go to...lessons?"
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WE HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK! "We have writers' block! We can't come up with anything for our big season finale!"
This transcript is currently blank or incomplete and could do with some additions or improvements. Any user is free to add to the transcript.

Nancy "HOLD IT!" "Hold it!"
This page or section is being written/adjusted/improved by TheRealRustyKelpie. Please be patient as the user does this, and as a courtesy, refrain from editing the page to avoid edit conflicts.

Smalton: Country[]

[The episode opens on the windows of the Kludge, with snow on them reading "DREAM TREE"! We zoom through the text and into the window, where Gramma and Cricket are sleepin' and snorin' at the back. In front are Bill and Tilly, the latter riding shotgun as the former takes the wheel.]

Bill: Merry almost Christmas, sleepy-heads!

Greens' country house[]

Front porch[]

[The Kludge pulls up to the country farm, where Nancy is waiting for them.]

Bill (OS): We made it back to the country.

[Tilly, wearing her winter suit, exits the car!]

Tilly: Mama!

[She runs up to said Mama and gives her a warm hug!]

Nancy: There's my city girl! (to Bill) Hey, Bill, I got the living room all ready for the-

[She gasps - Bill has not brought a tree with him. At all. A sliiight inconvenience...]

Nancy: I thought you were bringin' the Christmas tree.

Bill: Oh, right. (puts his suitcases down nervously) A...bout that...

Tilly: Papa examined a myriad of potential trees, but deemed them all unsuitable.

Bill: Well, we can't just have any tree. This is our first Christmas back in the country! And the kids' first one with Grandpa Nick.

[Nearby, said Grandpa Nick, his tongue out, is waiting to lick that... sharp icicle... WAIT- Nick catches the water droplet and swallows.]

Nancy: Dad...

Nick: What?

[Suddenly, the icicle falls and shatters JUST NEXT TO HIM, and he flinches! Cut back to Bill and Nancy, the latter just confuzzled by her father's shenanigans...]

Bill: I want this holiday to be perfect, so we need the perfect tree! Which is why I asked the Spirit of Christmas... (his eyes start to glimmer) ...for guidance.

Nancy: ("the spirit of wha?") The spirit of Christmas?

Bill: That's right! I just need to wait for the Spirit to send me a sign.

[Alice walks out the Kludge, and everyone else follows.]

Alice: I'm gettin' a sign that my toes are boutta freeze off.

[Then out comes Cricket, yawning.]

Cricket: Wowee! I just had the awesomest dream about a Christmas tree.

[Awesomest? CHRISTMAS TREE? SIGN BILL UP. He stops and slides back to Cricket...]

Bill: What?? Tell Daddy about your dream, son!

Cricket: Well... first, I was eating some frozen fish sticks, and I saw two snowballs roll down the hill.

[Bill's intrigue - and excitement! - grows more and more as he listens on...]

Cricket (OS): Then you and me were on a sled, and I heard some music.

[Cut back to Cricket, who finishes his story.]

Cricket: Then we fleeeew through the air and came to a meadow.

[Bill is GIDDY. I can't blame him!]

Cricket (OS): And THAT's when I saw it... [onscreen] The most amazing Christmas tree!

[Bill GRABS Cricket and shakes him in his utmost excitement!]

Bill: THAT WAS NO ORDINARY DREAM, SON! That was a message from THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS! If we can decipher the clues, then the Spirit shall lead us to the tree of your dreams!

[Got his son, got his adventuring spirit; what else does he need?]

Bill: Are you ready for a holly-jolly journey?!

Cricket: Sure, I'm in!

Bill: Alright, son! Let's go find that tree!

The kitchen[]

[Tilly turns around, wearing a completely new Victorian dress and matching hood, and singing:]

Tilly:

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
 ♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la! ♪

[She slides over to Nancy and Alice.]

Tilly:

 ♪ Then we'll go out to go carol ♪
 ♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la! ♪

Tilly: You jingle bells ready to rock?

Nancy: You BET, Tilly girl.

Alice: Let's boogie.

[Two in agreement... all they need is one mo-]

??? (OS): No one wants to do that.

[Who's Scrooging up the vibes right now? We zoom back to reveal it's Nick, who is doing the knife game with a sharp candy cane.]

Nick: We're all in agreement.

[Tilly walks over to her Grandpa.]

Tilly: Buuuut Grandpa, don'tcha want to spread some Christmas cheer?

Nick: Eh, carolin' just ain't my thing. Sorry, Till.

Tilly: I see. What if I said, there will be...

[She produces a flask of...]

Tilly: ...hot cocoa?

[And opens it! You bet Nick's sold on the idea - he gasps!]

Nick: Hot cocoa?! My only vice.

Nancy: ("is that REALLY his only vice??") So not true.

Alice: You have many, MANY vices.

Nick: ...Not countin' those... Okay, I'll go. But ONLY for the cocoa.

Tilly: There's my herald angel.

Smalton[]

The forest[]

Cricket (OS): So, Dad...

[Meanwhile, Cricket and Bill are still searching for their perfect tree.]

Cricket: How are we supposed to find this one perfect Christmas tree?

Bill: The spirit of Christmas will provide! Tell me again. What happened in your dream?

Cricket: Well, there were some frozen fish sticks, uh... two snowballs, you and me on a sled, some music, we flew through the air, came to a meadow, and that's when I saw the tree.

Bill: Hmm. That first clue was fish sticks.

[The two walk by a frozen pond...]

Bill: Oh, a frozen pond! Fish live in ponds!

[He laughs triumphantly!]

Bill: We're DOIN' it, son! Let's goooo!!!

[He grabs Cricket, and both slide across the frozen pond!]

Cricket: Whoa!

[He comes across a frozen fish.]

Cricket: Look, Dad, there's a fish!

Bill: And there's a stick--

Suddenly, they slip on the stick and launch themselves out of the frozen pond! They're now rolling down the hill... turning into...!]

Bill: The second clue was two snowballs, and it looks like WE'RE the snowballs!!!

[Bill is launched upward, while Cricket rolls downward!]

Bill: Whoa!!!

[Cricket rolls to a stop as Bill is launched right past him! He doesn't stick the landing and has broken a piece of fencing off. Cricket runs to his father.]

Cricket: Dad, are you okay?

Bill: Better than okay, because the Spirit of Christmas doth provide!

[He presents a broken fence. That's no sled.]

Cricket: Uh, it doth provided us a broken fence?

[Bill places the "sled" on the ground, and ties fabric to it to create a sled.]

Bill: No! This is the sled from your dreams! We figured out the first clues. Only a couple more to go, and then we'll find the tree!

Cricket: Maybe it's all that tinsel I ate earlier - but what you're sayin' is starting to make sense!

Bill: [ruffling Cricket's hair] Glad to hear it, son. Wait. Why were you eating tinsel?

[Cricket mounts the sled/fence and slides away, taking Bill with him!]

Cricket: Let's GOOOOOO!!!!

Bill: Whoa!!!

Downtown Smalton[]

[Meanwhile, Tilly and the caroling Greens head downtown. The water tower reads, "We get snow, too."]

Tilly (OS): All right, family...

A curb[]

Tilly: Time to spread Christmas cheer! Now open your songbooks to "Silent Night".

[They all open their songbooks to the requested carol. Tilly takes a deep breath, and the caroling begins! All except one, who buries his face in the book...]

All but Nick:

♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ All is calm, all is-- ♪

[Tilly motions for the caroling to stop!]

Tilly: Grampa Nick? I want to see your beautiful singing face.

[He lowers his songbook...but only his eyes are visible.]

Tilly (OS): A... little lower?

[Only slightly so just his whiskers are visible.]

Tilly: Almost there...

[He lowers it all the way and groans resignedly.]

Tilly (OS): Perfect! Again from the top.

[And the carol starts over... just with Nick lip-synching. This is gonna be more difficult than we think.]

All:

♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy-- ♪

[Unimpressed, she signals for the song to stop again!]

Tilly: Grampa! You must proJECT!

Tilly (OS): I'm losin' ya!

Nick: Hey, worry about yourselves.

Tilly (OS): Again.

[Third time's the charm... Nick is still not budging.]

All:

- ♪ Silent nigh-- ♪

Tilly: More bravado! More gusto! Again!

[Fourth time. She goes down the line signalling for her singers to stop one at a time.]

All:

♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪

[Now the uncooperative member; he is only making mumbling noises with his mouth and not even singing along!]

Tilly (OS): Grampa!? Lip syncing!?! [onscreen] What do you have to say for yourself?!!??

[Suddenly, Nick snaps...]

Nick: [throws down his songbook] I don't sing, okay!? I was pretendin' for the cocoa!

[He rightfully chugs down the thermos.]

Nick: Whoa! That's hot...!!!! And now that we're out, I'M out!

[And he bails on the carol singing.]

Tilly: I sense somethin' deeper is going on with Grandpa's aversion to singin', and I aim to find out what.

The forest[]

[Father and son continue their journey deeper within the forest.]

Bill: Did you hear that?

[Cricket listens out...]

Cricket: No.

Bill: Mmm. Me neither. You heard music in your dream, right? Was it... country music? Hip hop, perhaps? Help me out, son.

Cricket: It was like... horns.

[As he says, "horns," what he says a pair of antlers make themselves present behind. Wait, antlers?]

Cricket and Bill: Horns... Horns...

[Bill cracks the code and points at the horns!]

Bill: [gasps] Horns!

Cricket:Technically, those are antlers.

Bill: Close enough for me!

Another frozen lake[]

[Both run over to the moose. Bill takes off his cap.]

Bill: Excuse me? Oh, wise and majestic moose? The Spirit of Christmas led us to you. [The moose turns its head towards them] Please guide us on our search for the perfect Christmas tree?

[The moose turns around, overlaid in a majestic, golden aura...]

Cricket (OS): Wow... he understood!

[Father and son appreciate the beauty of Mother Nature.]

Cricket: You know, I've always heard that mousses are violent and unpredictable.

[The moose takes a deep breath...]

Cricket (OS): But this one seems so --

[...speaking of aura, the aura is that the moose wants to KILL them instead. Uh-oh.]

Bill: Oh, holy night.

[The moose charges towards them!]

Bill: RUN!!!!!!

[Both mount the sled once more!]

Cricket: Ha-ha! Beat it, moose!

[And they approach a ramp... but they're not fast enough!]

Cricket: Oh, no.

[Both scream a guttural scream as the sled goes BACKWARD, TOWARDS the moose. They're toast! As the moose rushes towards its prey, Bill, not wanting to die, decides that today's not the day, and locks his axe with the moose's antlers! The moose prevails, however, as it launches both over the ramp! YES!]

Cricket: We're gonna make it!

[...or not.]

Cricket: Oh, COME ON!

[The sled, then Cricket and Bill - in that order - fall into a very, very snowy plateau. Once Bill resurfaces, he has the 'stache and beard of jolly ol' Saint Nick, which he shakes off. Father Bill may not be Father Christmas, but he's determined to see this tree!]

Cricket: Our sled flew through the air... just like in my dream! Which means...

[Cricket spies, with his little eyes...]

Cricket: Look!

[Bill gasps... have they found the spot?!]

Bill (OS): There's the meadow up ahead!

Cricket: That must be where the tree is!

[Father and son grin - IT'S SHOWTIME.]

City, somewhere else[]

[Nick attempts to drink the rest of the bottle. Nothing.]

Tilly (OS): Grampa Nick?

[Hereee's Till.]

Tilly: Why don't you want to sing?

Nick: Uh... I lost my singing voice in the war.

[He's a veteran.]

Tilly: [skeptically] WHICH war?

[Nick is sweating buckets right now.]

Nick: The... big secret one, that I'm not supposed to talk about!

[Surely that's classified?]

Tilly: For someone who laughs so much, you sure are bad at it.

[Caught in the act. Nick opens up.]

Nick: Fine! I'll tell ya!

Nick: [sighs] When I was 12, I sang publicly, see? And it didn't go so well. All the other kids laughed at me!

[The background goes a solemn blue, overlaid with many a mouth laughing at him.]

Nick: It was so humiliating, I vowed never to sing again. And I ain't gonna start now!

[He goes on his... while I would say merry, here it's not-merry... way.]

Tilly: Poor Grampa... He must have a severe lack of musical talent.

Gramma: Meh, we can sing without him. No sense in lettin' Scrooge ruin our holiday cheer.

Tilly: Ruin our cheer...? [gasps] I think I know how to help Grampa Nick.

The meadow[]

[Night has fallen. Bill leads Cricket towards the greatest treasure.]

Bill: See, Cricket? I knew the Spirit of Christmas would guide us to the perfect tree!

[Cricket gasps!]

Cricket: And you were right! 'Cause holy sugarplums... there it is!!!

[And off he goes to see it! Bill turns and gasps in surprise. He is looking up at a tall, majestic tree in the middle of the meadow! Could this be the one Cricket dreamed about?]

Bill: Oh, my...

[A tilt up reveals it to be several stories high, its top illuminated by a bright, twinkling star. It reflects into Bill's widened eyes, one of which sheds a single tear.]

Bill: It's more beautiful than I imagined...!

Cricket (OS): No, no, Dad, it's down here!

[He shifts his focus to Cricket, who presents the actual dream tree -- it is very tiny, scraggly, leans to the side, has shed some needles, and barely extends past Cricket's mouth level. Huh?]

Cricket (OS): THIS is the tree from my dream!

[Bill stares dumbstruck, the tear vaccuming back into his eye.]

Bill: Uh... Cricket?

[We get an establishing shot - Bill's is big and pretty, Cricket's is Charlie Brown-like. Did Cricket eat too much tinsel?]

Bill: Are you sure it's not this big, pretty one?

Cricket: Heck yeah, I'm sure! This is the tree the spirit of Christmas chose for us. [He taps the top of it...] Boop!

[...and it instantly topples over, no axe required.]

Cricket: Wow, we didn't even have to chop it down!

[Bill is in utter disbelief.]

Cricket (OS): Another Christmas miracle!

[He hoists the little tree over his shoulder, barely any effort.]

Cricket: I can't wait for the rest of the family to bask in all its glory!

Bill: This can't be right... I thought the Spirit of Christmas would provide! Please send us a sign!

[A familiar growl catches him off-guard...]

Bill: Hmm?

[The Spirit of Christmas doth provide, but it ain't lookin' good. It's that angry moose from earlier! It snorts and charges, ready for round two!]

Bill: NOT THAT KIND OF SIGN!!!!!!

[Bill launches himself out of harm's path, and the big, pretty tree is rammed and it topples over!]

Bill: [through gritted teeth] Get on!!!

[Cricket does so, with the moose right on both's tail!]

City Hall[]

[Nick is heading towards City Hall. Perhaps he could encounter someone like "Old Man" Marley. Tilly approaches.]

Tilly: Grandpa, wait. You know that in order for someone to spread Christmas cheer, they must be feeling cheerful themselves.

Nick: Oh, yeah? Well, I ain't cheerful.

[To prove his point, Nick punches the nearby Santa floatee... which punches him back right in the face. Oof.]

Tilly: Well, Grandpa, I... do believe you could be cheerful if you sang with us.

Nick: What if EVERYONE laughs at me? Then I'd have to slash their tires!

[The other caroling Greens rejoin Tilly and Nick.]

Tilly: We have your back, Grandpa. With the SINGING thing, NOT the tire thing.

Nick: You're not gonna let this go, are ya?

Tilly: I never let ANYTHING go. Never, ever! Ever, ever, ever...

[Cut to a farther shot.]

Tilly: Ever, ever, eve--

Nick: [rising] Fine...

Tilly: Oh, good. 'Cause I could keep this up forEVER and EVER and EVER--

[Nancy places a hand on Tilly's shoulder.]

Nancy: Tilly.

Tilly: Okay.

City[]

Tilly: All right, family, let's take this from the top. And, Grampa? I love your singing no matter how you sound.

Nick: This is going to be a disaster...

Tilly: Follow my count.

[]

Tilly:
♪ Fa la la la, fa la la la ♪

All but Nick:
♪ Joyful are we ♪
♪ When we all see ♪
♪ Christmas is near ♪
♪ Oh, how we cheer ♪

[Nick shuts his eyes for a minute, then opens his mouth...]

♪ Over the yells ♪
♪ We hear the bells ♪
♪ It's signaling ♪

Nick:
[in high-pitched voice]
♪ With jing-a-liiiiiiiiing! ♪

[gasps]


Intercuts: The city/the forest[]

Nick:
♪ Let us convene
♪ It can't be seen ♪
♪ It can't be touched
♪ Faith must be clutched ♪

[]

♪ Hoping for aid ♪
♪ Feeling betrayed ♪
♪ You must believe ♪
[higher pitch] ♪ Or it will leave ♪

[Cricket] Nice work, Dad! I think we're losin' 'im!

Huh?

[]

Cricket: HE'S CLOSER THAN HE APPEARS!!!!!!!!!!!

Nick:
♪ For those who do ♪
♪ Dreams do come true ♪
♪ Joy it will bring ♪
♪ When we all sing ♪

Snow drift! Snow drift! Snow drift!

Nick:
♪ It's the spirit of Christmas ♪
♪ It's the spirit of Christmas ♪

The city[]

♪ It's the spirit of... [in higher-pitched voice] Christmas! ♪

See? I told you that'd be a disaster.

[all cheering and applauding]

-Way to go, Grandpa! -Beautiful.

Greens' country house[]

Exterior[]

[Tilly] Grandpa, you surprised me today.

Interior[]

You have such a beautiful singing voice.

Maybe the other kids were just jealous of you 'cause you have something special.

Something special, huh?

-Yeah, I guess I am pretty great. -[laughs]

The porch[]

[Bill groaning]

Did somebody order a Christmas tree?

-[all inside] Cricket! -[door closes]

[Bill] Spirit of Christmas, I just wanted my family to have the perfect Christmas tree. But now our whole holiday is ruined.

[Or is it? He hears his family's happy laughter from inside.]

-What?

Living room[]

Cricket (OS): And that's how the spirit of Christmas almost killed me and dad and gave us the perfect Christmas tree!

Heck of a tree.

-It is perfect. -Oh, that's great.

Yeah, I fought a moose once.

They all look happy.

[]

Bill (OS): Maybe the perfect tree isn't about how it looks... but how it makes you feel. Huh.

[]

Bill: Who wants to decorate the tree?!!?

[all respond positively]

Maybe a little singing, too. Uh, for the kids or some crud like that.

[And with that, Cricket begins a tree-trimming carol as they give the little tree a little love.]

Cricket:
♪ O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree ♪

All:
♪ How lovely are thy branches ♪
♪ O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree ♪
♪ How lovely are... ♪

Exterior[]

[We PAN OUT of the Greens' house as Nick delivers the final line...]

Nick:
♪ Thyyyyy braaaaaaanchEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!! ♪


ve Episode Transcripts
Season 1 1. Space Chicken/Steak Night • 2. Cricket Versus/Blue Tater • 3. Swimming Fool/Tilly's Goat • 4. Cricketsitter/Backflip Bill • 5. Gramma's License/Bear Trapped • 6. Photo Op/Remy Rescue • 7. Gridlocked/Mama Bird • 8. Welcome Home/Raccooned • 9. Fill Bill/Critterball Crisis • 10. Parade Day/DIY Guys • 11. Gargoyle Gals/Supermarket Scandal • 12. Barry Cuda/Suite Retreat • 13. Family Legacy/Paint Misbehavin' • 14. Rated Cricket/Homeshare Hoedown • 15. Cricket's Shoes/Feud Fight • 16. Breaking News/Cyberbullies • 17. Tilly Tour/Dinner Party • 18. Coffee Quest/Phoenix Rises • 19. Blood Moon • 20. Big Deal/Forbidden Feline • 21. Uncaged • 22. Harvest Dinner/Winner Winner • 23. Night Bill/Cheap Snake • 24. Hiya Henry/People Watching • 25. Valentine's Dance/Green Streets • 26. Hurty Tooth/Sleepover Sisters • 27. Trailer Trouble/Mansion Madness • 28. Park Pandemonium/Cricket's Biscuits • 29. Skunked/Axin' Saxon • 30. Cricket's Place/Volunteer Tilly
Season 2 1. Cricket's Kapowie/Car Trouble • 2. Urban Legend/Wishing Well • 3. Elevator Action/Bad Influencer • 4. Green Christmas • 5. Reckoning Ball/Clubbed • 6. Impopstar/Football Camp • 7. Heat Beaters/Bill-iever • 8. Shark Objects/Dream Weaver • 9. Level Up/Wild Side • 10. Garage Tales/Animal Farm • 11. Desserted/The Gifted • 12. Time Crisis/Gramma Driver • 13. Tilly Style/I, Farmbot • 14. Friend Con/Flimflammed • 15. Greens' Acres/Dolled Up • 16. Gabriella's Fella/Cheap Show • 17. Green Mirror/Cricket's Tickets • 18. Times Circle/Super Gramma! • 19. Present Tense/Hurt Bike • 20. Quiet Please/Chipwrecked • 21. Chipocalypse Now • 22. 'Rent Control/Pool's Gold • 23. Big Resolution/Winter Greens • 24. Mages & Mazes/Okay Karaoke • 25. Date Night/The Room • 26. Bleeped/Sellouts • 27. Fast Foodie/Spaghetti Theory • 28. Ding Dongers/Animation Abomination • 29. The Van/Bat Girl • 30. Cousin Jilly/Gloria's Café
Season 3 1. Squashed! • 2. Boss Life/Papaganda • 3. Little Buddy/Zen Garden • 4. No Service/Takened • 5. Green Greens/Truce Bomb • 6. Trivia Night/Big Trouble • 7. DependaBill/The Delivernator • 8. Listen Up!/Big Picture • 9. Rembo/Dirt Jar • 10. The Move • 11. Country Side/Junk Mountain • 12. Farmer Remy/Homeward Hound • 13. Pie Hard/Rat Tail • 14. Frilly Tilly/Montaged • 15. Pizza Deliverance/Horse Girl • 16. Virtually Christmas • 17. Pen Pals/Study Abroad • 18. Honey Heist/Dog Mayor • 19. Chill Bill/Bunny Farm • 20. Long Goodbye
Season 4 1. • Truck Stopped/Jingled 2. Stand-Up Bill/Green Trial • 3. Bad Dad/Junk Junkie • 4. Handshaken/Coffee Mates • 5. Iced/Chipped Off • 6. Internetted/Guiding Gregly • 7. Family Tree/Unguarded • 8. Concrete Jungle/Starter Pack • 9. Dollar Sense/True Cawing • 10. Fortune Feller/No Escape • 11. Turkey Trouble/Hard Bargain • 12. Dream Tree/Blue Greens
Movie Big City Greens the Movie: Spacecation
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