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Abigail "Misty" Briarton[]
- "Blegh. That makes motor oil taste like champagne!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "That drinks makin' me feel things I don't have the plumbing for!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Hmm, kinda minty...kinda fishy."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Well that went *strained groaning* straight to my nervous system."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Blegh! Well, if I can keep from puking when 'Stupid-ger' ogles me, I can keep this down too."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "That'll put some hair on your chest!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ooo! I can feel it growin' right now!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ahh, that one was actually cold! Not bad."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Well at least the machine doesn't card me."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Yeah! Thats kickin' in right away."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "I don't know if these drinks are habit forming, but staying alive sure is."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
Samuel Stuhlinger[]
- "Am I the only one who thinks this looks like a jukebox?"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Chokes* Ooh ahh...I think my tongue just died."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Woah...hearts beatin' a hundred miles an hour!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ohh---ow! That one singed my mustache."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ohh---*coughs*---oh the things I choke down just to stay alive."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Okay...that one didn't taste like anything at all. It---it didn't even taste wet!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ohh good thing Big Pharma doesn't exist anymore or that thing woulda cost ten times more!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ohhhhh...can I have another drink to cure whatever this one did to my bowels?"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Chuckles* Ooo-hoo! That is like a lightning bolt!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Chokes* Uhh, bartender? Yeah I'm pretty sure I didn't order horse urine."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Agh, okay. *Coughs* That was just straight-up mouthwash...Fine. I can take a hint."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
Marlton Johnson[]
- "*Gulps* Ahh. Shouldn't this act faster on me? Given my bodyweight and---ooo *chuckles* there it is."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Gulps* What if all this were just a soda company taste test... with zombies."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Gulps* Ahh. Strictly for medicinal purposes."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- " Ahh. Ooo!I would love to perform a spectrographic analysis on these beverages sometime!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Gulps* Ahh. I'll never stop wondering who actually bottles these things."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Agh *coughs* well, well! That's one way to stay hydrated."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Agh, what am I getting there hmm coconut and mercury?!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ahh. Ugh, I am 1000% certain this is not FDA-approved!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Gulps* Ahh---woohoohooHOO what a rush! I may have to start calling myself: Marlton the MIGHTY!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Ohh what in Newton's name?! That one tasted exactly like Russman smells."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
Russman[]
- "*Drinking* Feels like a red-hot porcupine crawling through Russman's guts."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Drinking* Ahh. Well, that sure put some pep in my step! Bunyons still hurt, though."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Gags* Thats worse than drinkin' nail polish remover...trust me, I know!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Gags* Were they tryin' to make that one taste like ass? Or was it one of them...happy accidents?"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "That didn't taste like nothin' at all...can I get my money back?"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Woo! Heart's poundin' like a hummingbird now...like a hummingbird with a jackhammer!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "So is there a factory somewhere churnin' this stuff out? Cause I'd like a word with the manager."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "Woah! This stuff makes me feel young and vital! It's like I'm 60 all over again!"
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.
- "*Strained belch* Sorry. This stuff angries up my blood sometimes."
- — After drinking Perk-a-Cola.