The infamous Brawl in the Family episode. Many of you are wondering why I'm doing this one. Well I thought it would present a very good challenge because my last fanfiction didn't turn out so good. So fasten your seatbelts and get ready to enter SIBLING WAR 1.
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It starts with me and Varie knocking on the Loud House Door. Lincoln answers the door.
Lincoln: Hey guys come on in.
Me: Thanks Lincoln.
Varie: Where are your sisters?
Lincoln: They're around.
Our stomachs growl.
Me: Can we go get a snack?
Lincoln: Sure.
[We walks over to the kitchen, only to find out that Luna is blocking the entrance.]
Luna: Sorry dudes, kitchen's off limits. Lori's in there cooling off. She and Leni had a major throwdown.
Varie: Oh no. How come?
Luna: It's complicated Varie.
Lincoln: Yeah, sad story. But I'm hungry.
Me: Yeah we won't talk to her. We'll just go in, get something to eat and come back out.
Lisa: [As we were about to walk into the kitchen.] Fear not, male sibling and male and female friends. You should be able to satiate your appetite by forging under the couch cushions. [holds out the bagel] See what I scored?
Lincoln: Ooh, an everything bagel. [eats the bagel]
Lisa: [takes the bagel from Lincoln] Mmm...correction, a plain bagel with lint, dog hair, [gasps] Gadzooks! Is that a booger?
Me: I think I'm gonna be sick.
[Lincoln, horrified and disgusted at what he just ate, runs to the bathroom to throw up and me and Varie follow]
Lincoln: [To Lana] Do not eat the couch bagel.
Lana: Sorry, bathroom's off limits. Leni is in there cooling off from the fight. [hand Lincoln a bucket.] Here, use this.
Lincoln: A bucket? [gulps]
Lana: Don't knock it till you try it.
[Lincoln gives a look of discontent]
[In the living room, Lola, Lynn, Laney and Lucy are reading. Me, Varie and Lincoln enters the room with a bowl of popcorn and wearing monster truck fan attire. Varie has a book on fish. Lincoln is about to take the remote. His sisters, minus Laney, after staring at me and Lincoln, beat us up then continue reading.]
Me: OW! What the heck was that for?!
Lynn: Sorry, TV's off limits.
Lincoln: [annoyed] Aw, come on! Why?
Lola: Lori and Leni are on edge. You watching a Monster Truck Rally is not going to help them.
Varie: I don't watch TV, I read books.
Lincoln: This is ridiculous! What are they even fighting about?
Laney: Leni and Lori have the same dress and now they won't speak to each other.
[Flashback: The sisters (except Lori and Leni) are sitting on the couch, doing their usual things. Lori enters the room.]
Lori: Guys! Guys! Guys! [pulls out her dress] Check out this dress I found at the mall. It's literally one of a kind. [squeals]
Lori's sisters: Oooohh...
Leni: [enters the room with her dress] O-M-Gosh, you guys! Look at this dress I found at the mall!
[The sisters gasp due to Lori and Leni having the same dress]
Leni: [walks up to Lori] Ooohh...when did we put a mirror in the living room?
Lori: That's not a mirror, that's me! Now go take your dress back!
Leni: What? No! You take yours back!
Laney: Wait! Can't we just agree to disagree?
Lori: Okay. I agree that this dress is better on me and disagree that it's better on her! [Points to Leni]
Leni: Leni? Well, that dress makes you look like Aunt Ruth!
Lori: Take that back!
Leni: Take that dress back! [The two growl at each other]
Laney: Guys, wait! We shouldn't fight! There's gotta be something I can do to fix this! [Luna grabs Laney]
Luna: Don't get involved in politics, Lanes.
[The other sisters whistle and head upstairs]
[End flashback]
Lincoln: That's it? You gotta be kidding me! Clyde and I wear the same shirt on picture day, and we didn't care. [flashback to where he and Clyde wear the same shirt on a school picture day.
End flashback]
Lucy: It's a sister thing. You wouldn't understand.
Me: Lola, what color was the dress?
Lola: Hmm. I think it was an Ocean Blue but I'm not sure.
Varie: I think they both would look cute wearing the same dress.
Me: I agree.
Laney: I should've said that, but they wouldn't listen.
Lincoln: Well, let's go help them work it out. So we can have our house back. [Lynn stops him with her hockey stick] Oof!
Lynn: Negative. In this family, we have a sister fight protocol. Butt out, and let them resolve it on their own.
Varie: What is a Sister Fight Protocol?
Me: I've heard about this. It's a special family movement that prevents sibling rivalry fights from escalating into violent massacres.
Lisa: Precisely and this is the threat level we're at now: THUNDERSTORM.
I look at Lisa's Threat Level Chart and it had an interesting set up.
Me: Hmm. Interesting setup, Lisa. It shares the same principals as the United States Armed Forces DEFCON System but on a smaller scale. I'm guessing Field of Flowers must be DEFCON 5, The Lowest level. And Exploding Volcano must be DEFCON 1, The Worst level.
Lisa: Correct. Technically it's Field of Daisies as the lowest and Erupting Volcano as the Highest.
Varie: And we're at Thunderstorm so we must be at DEFCON 4.
Lisa: Exactly.
Varie: Wow. You guys prepared for this.
Me: Indeed. But these protocols never work out at 100%. They always make things worse.
Varie: Oh man. This protocol is asking for this family to be torn asunder. We got to stop this.
Laney: Exactly! But I know I can resolve this! This family needs my voice of reason!
Lola: Your heart's in the right place, Laney. But you're playing with fire.
Laney: But someone has to go up there and calm them down!
Lynn: You don't even know what you're doing. Stand down before you have another one of your episodes.
Laney: [Stands up] You'll see! I'm going to stop this silly feud, without the help of your protocol!
Me: No Laney. We all will. Me, Varie, Lincoln and You. Divided we are weak. But United we are strong!
We Walk up to Lori and Leni's room.
Lincoln: I have a protocol, too! Which is I don't like pooping in a bucket!
Me: And also I have a protocol which is I don't like seeing 2 of my best friends fight over something so petty. By the way Lincoln, Did you know about this Sister Fight Protocol before now?
Lincoln: No, I didn't.
Varie: That's weird. Don't you think it's kind of odd that they bothered to tell your younger sisters about it, but not you?
Lincoln: Yeah, a little bit.
Me: Laney, were you told about this?
Laney: Yes, I was. But I always thought it was a bad idea.
Varie: Can't argue with that.
Lincoln: But it doesn't matter, because we're going to fix it.
[Lincoln knocks on Lori and Leni's bedroom door and opens the door as we walk in] Hey guys. Now look, I know you've been having a little problem, so we-
Lori: Guys can you tell Leni that the only way we can work it out is if she takes that dress back to the store?
Me: Come on you two, it's just a dress.
Varie: That I think you both would look really cute in.
Leni: Aw, Thanks Varie but Laney, can you tell Lori that taffeta makes her look fat?
Me: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You guys.
Lori: [angrily] WHAT?! How dare you call me fat!?!
Laney: Uh, Okay! Lets calm down for a moment and think this over. You two have been very close together. Are you gonna break it up because the two of you have the same dress?
Lori & Leni: YES!
Lori: Well if Varie and Laney are on your side, Then Lincoln and J.D. should be on my side!
Me: No. We're not on anyone's side. We're here to help you guys work it out.
Lori: No help needed. I'm just waiting for Leni to apologize to me!
Leni: What?! You should be the one apologizing to me!!!
Varie: How can you fight over something so petty?!
Lori and Leni don't listen to us and continue arguing.
Lori: You know what?! I think blue makes you look washed out.
Leni: [Gasps] Oh Yeah?! Well, I think taffy makes you look like Aunt Ruth!
Lori: [Gasps] I cannot believe you!
Leni: I can't believe you more!
Lori: You're the worst sister in the world!
Leni: You're the worst sister in the Universe!
[She and Lori continue arguing at each other. Me, Varie, Laney, Lincoln looks scared as we get out of their room, and shuts the door. Just then, the other sisters were angry at us for making the fight worse. We fall.]
Lynn: Ugh, nice job guys! We told you to stay out of it!
Me: They didn't even hardly give us a chance to talk, Lynn.
Punching and crashing, screaming and roaring comes from Lori and Leni's room meaning that the fighting has escalated into violence.
Lisa: Based on rising decibel levels, I'm uping the threat level in the house from Thunderstorm to Hissing Cats.
Varie: We're now at DEFCON 3 people.
Lisa: Sisters, to your stations!
Lincoln: Uh, what's going on?
Lola: Let us handle it.
Me: We got to do something guys, Otherwise this whole fight will escalate into World War III.
[The next scene, me, Lincoln, Laney and Varie are in Lincoln's room reading manga. Luna and Luan enter the room, which scares us.]
Luna: Scram, dudes! We need your room!
Lincoln: What? Why?
Luan: Lori's approaching the sector, and we can't risk a run-in with Leni.
[Luna pushes us out of his room as walks back in, as Luan pushes Leni in there.]
Luna: Coast is clear, brah.
Lucy: Copy that. [allows Lori to go upstairs] You may proceed.
[Lori walks upstairs to her bedroom. Luna gets out of Lincoln's room, and Luan pushes Leni out. Lori gets out of her room while texting on her phone.]
Lucy: [voice] Abort, abort. Leni is headed back up. [Luna and Luan pushes Lori into Lincoln's room.]
Lori: Ah!
Lincoln: [As Luna and Luan enter the room with Lori.] Ah!
Luan: Lincoln, J.D., Varie, Laney, make like a drum and beat it! [chuckles] Get it? But seriously, out.
Me: [Laughs] Good one, Luan. But we're going. [We are kicked out of Lincoln's room. Leni walks back upstairs and goes to her room as she slams the door.]
Lincoln: [sighs]
Varie: This is just ridiculus
[Later that night, it is dinner time.]
Lynn Sr.: ...And then Mort realized he was drinking regular, not decaf! [starts laughing]
Me: [Laughing] That's funny Mr. Lynn.
Varie: Mmm. Delicious spaghetti Ms. Rita.
Rita: Thank you, Varie.
Lori: [Rises up from her chair] Dinner was delicious, Mom.
Rita: Thanks, sweetie!
[Lori walks out of the dining room]
Lincoln: Yeah, thanks, Mom. I am stuffed.
Rita: Well, I hope you saved room for dinner.
Lincoln: [confused] Wait, what?
Laney: But didn't we just have dinner?
Me: Sister Fight Protocal, Right?
Lynn Sr.: Yep. Lori and Leni dine separately.
Rita: And we have to eat with them both. So they don't think we're taking sides.
Me: Why not. I love this spaghetti.
Varie: Me too.
Me: I'll have to see if our Chef back at our mansion can give you some good recipes to go with this.
Rita: That's very thoughtful of you J.D. Thank you.
Lola: [From the kiddie table] I didn't know you had your own chef at your house J.D.
Me: He is the best, Lola and he cooks all sorts of really great food.
[In the next scene, they dine with Leni.]
Lynn Sr.: And then Mort realized he was drinking regular, not decaf! [laughs]
Leni: [laughs as well]
Laney sighs
Rita: Laney, you've barely touched your second dinner. What's wrong?
Laney: I'll tell you what's wrong. All this is wrong! Something's got to be done about this!
Lynn Sr.: Honey, you have to respect the protocol. Let Lori and Leni solve this on their own.
Laney: But I'm a sister too! I know I can help! Siblings are supposed to be there for eachother!
Me: Mr. Lynn can I have a word with you? In private?
Lynn Sr.: Sure.
Me and Lynn Sr. go into his bedroom.
Me: I'm sorry to pull you away like this Mr. Lynn
Lynn Sr. That's okay J.D.
Me: I don't think this protocal is working at all Mr. Lynn. Earlier this morning, Lori and Leni were practically tearing eachother apart. They wouldn't let us talk to them to try and reason with them. The threat level was raised to DEFCON 3 because of our so called "INTERFERENCE" and me, Varie, Laney and Lincoln are worried that this fight could explode into a violent massacre.
Lynn Sr.: You maybe right on that J.D.
Me: You and Ms. Rita are the parents and you make the rules in this house right?
Lynn Sr.: Yes.
Me: I respect your authority. But I have a very bad feeling that the fight is going to escalate rapidly into DEFCON 1 and I'm worried that some of the girls if not all of them are going to get hurt and I can never forgive myself if that happened. What's worse is I don't want Lincoln, Varie, Laney or myself to get caught in the crossfire.
Lynn Sr.: You're right. But what can we do?
Me: Tell everyone we're going to destroy everything of the Sister Fight Protocal. I'll explain the situation to Lincoln, Laney and Varie and if the fight begins, Laney will use her plant powers to restrain the girls.
Lynn Sr.: And the rest will be up to the parents meaning me and Rita.
Me: Bingo. We don't want another situation like this happening again like with THE SWEET SPOT FIASCO.
Lynn Sr.: You may have saved this family again J.D.
Me: Thank you Mr. Lynn. Friends always look out for eachother. Also, I have a plan.
I whisper everything into his ear.
Lynn Sr.: That's perfect. Okay it's time to put Operation: Induce More Fighting So That Laney can Use Her Plant Powers and Restrain the Girls So We Can Punish Them and Think of A Shorter Name For This Operation, into Action.
Me: Whoa! That's a mouthful. Now I know who Lincoln got it from. How about Operation: Plant Restraint Punishment?
Lynn Sr: That's perfect.
Me: This'll take 24 hours, but we can pull this off if we all do our part.
Later That night]
I explain the plan to Lincoln, Laney and Varie and it began.
[Lincoln walks to his bedroom, until he realizes that his sheets and blanket are missing. He walks out of his bedroom. Lana whistles while she walks out of the bathroom with her plunger.]
Lincoln: Hey, what gives? What happened to my sheets and blanket?
Lana: Sister fight protocol. We used them to make a divider in Lori and Leni's room.
Lincoln: Well, what am I supposed to sleep under?
[Lana shoves him to his room.]
Lana: Try this. [Dumps all the dirty laundry clothes on Lincoln and laughs]
Lincoln: [Fed up] Alright, that's it!
Lana: Lincoln, what are you doing? [knocks on every door for every sister younger than Lori and Leni] Guys, we have a situation.
Laney: What now?
[Lincoln angrily walks into Lori and Leni's room and takes down the divider. Lori and Leni gasp while the others watch.]
Lincoln: I'm done with this! You guys and your stupid fight have ruined the whole day! It's time to get over it and make up!
Luan: Lincoln, this has to run it's course. Sister fight protocol.
Lincoln: Forget sister fight protocol!
Leni: Well, I'm not sleeping in here with her!
Lori: I'm not sleeping in here with her, either!
Laney: Everybody calm down! I have a solution! Lets sleep in different rooms. Leni, you sleep in Luan and Luna's room and Lori can sleep here.
Lincoln: Great idea, Lanes.
Leni: Works for me!
Lori: Me too!
[Leni grabs her pillow to sleep in Luna and Luan's room.]
Laney looks at me hiding in Lincoln's room and I gave her the thumbs up and winks.
Luna: You're playing with fire! [The other sisters (except Laney) all talk at one
[The other sisters all talk at once in agreement]
Lincoln: Listen. Laney knows how to solve problems in this house. By tomorrow, Lori and Leni will have cooled off, and you'll be thanking me! [He whistles, as Lily babbles at him for the idea.]
Lincoln and Laney returns to Lincoln's room.
11:15 PM
Everyone was asleep except for Me, Varie, Lincoln and Laney.
Lincoln: [Whispering] Everyone asleep?
Me: [Whispering] Yes. Phase 1 complete. [Pulls out a headset] Now for Phase 2. Dark Angel to Night Owl, Do you read me? Over.
Lynn Sr.: [Whispering] Night Owl to Dark Angel. Loud and clear and ready to move in. Over.
Me: Excellent. Proceed with Phase 2. Over.
Lynn Sr. Roger that. Over.
Lynn Sr. was dressed in a black sweater with a black hood and he snuck up the stairs and into Lisa's room and found the files for the Sister Fight Protocal in her closet. He grabbed the box and went to his and Rita's bedroom.
Lynn Sr.: I got the files containing the Sister Fight Protocal. Over.
Me: Is it the right box? Over.
Lynn Sr. opens the box and it is all the stuff for the Sister Fight Protocal.
Lynn Sr.: Affirmative. It is all the stuff. Over.
Me: Copy that. Phase 2 complete. Hold on to the box and await further instructions. Over.
Lynn Sr.: Roger that. Proceed with Phase 3 in the morning and J.D., Good Luck. Over.
Me: Thank you Mr. Lynn. Over and Out.
Laney: [Whispering] Did he get the files.
Me: [Whispering] Yes. Everything is going according to plan. We do Phase 3 in the morning.
[The next day, Lincoln, Me, Varie and Laney wake up.]
Lincoln: Hmmm, peaceful. Sounds like good ol' Lincoln saved the day.
Luan: [voice] Just admit you're wrong!
Luna: [voice] You're wrong, dude!
Lincoln: Or not. [sighs] Wait a minute, that didn't sound like Lori and Leni.
Me: That sounded like Luna and Luan. Phase 3 is a go.
[sees Luna and Luan arguing.]
Luna: Lori had the dress first! She told me the whole story last night!
Luan: Well, Leni told me her side, and she clearly had the dress first!
Luna: Ha! That's funnier than most of your lame jokes!
Luan: Oh I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you! I've gone partially deaf from your horrible guitar playing!
Lincoln: Guys, guys.
[Luna and Luan growl at him. Lori, Lynn, Lisa, Leni, Lana, and Lucy have got out of their rooms.]
Lynn: [on a megaphone] SISTER FIGHT PROTOCOL! DIVIDE AND ISOLATE!
[Lola is on her princess car, in which she gets Luna on.]
Lola: You're paying for new shocks, Lincoln!
[Luan is holding Lincoln by his shirt, getting ready to pummel him]
Lana: [Grabs Luan with her rope, and pulls her to Lincoln's room.] This room is now off limits! [Shuts the door, and the off limits sign is on the doorknob.]
Lincoln: Come on! Why is it always my room?
Lisa: Congratulations, elder brother. Thanks to you, the threat level is now a Stampeding T-Rex.
Varie: We're now at DEFCON 2 People!
Me: (in his head) Just as we had planned.
Lynn Sr.: Stampeding T-Rex?! [Acting with screams and boards up the door to his bedroom] Alright, we'll ride the storm in here.
Rita: [puts Lily down on the drawer] (Acting) Did you remember the bucket?
Lynn Sr.: Dang it!
Lisa: [Is bringing Lori into the bathroom] Commencing T-Rex protocol. I've got Big L, and we're on the move.
Lucy: [coming out of Luna and Luan's room with Leni] Roger that.
Lana: [With Luan] We're headed for the red zone.
Lola: [With Luna] Copy that, we're headed for the green zone.
[Both parties are unknowingly heading into each other's paths, and end up bumping into each other, with Luna and Luan snarling at each other.]
Lana: Lola, what are you doing? This is the red zone. The door is red.
Lola: Uh, hello! The carpet is green.
[Now the twins are also arguing, as the four of them argue, as Lincoln, holding a bowl of cereal, walks into the room, but immediately backs away. Bobby is coming by to deliver pizza, and immediately rushes to the parents' bedroom window, and knocks.]
Bobby: Here you go, Mrs. Loud.
Rita [pays and tips him] Thanks Bobby. Just the large pepperoni for us, you can deliver the rest to the front door.
Bobby: Do I have to? Lori told me the threat level is at Stampeding T-Rex.
The Doorbell rings and I answer it.
Me: Oh hello Bobby. What's up?
Bobby: J.D. what are you doing?! The Threat Level is at Stampeding T-Rex!
Me: I know. It's part of our plan. (I beckon him and explain what we're doing)
Bobby: That's brilliant amigo. I don't want to get caught in the crossfire. Tell Lori I said Hello.
Me: I'll make sure she gets the message. [I hand him a $100 tip.] Here you go.
Bobby: Thanks man. Be safe in there.
Me: No Problem compadre.
I take the pizzas and put them on the table.
Lucy: Okay, first seating will be Leni, Luan, and Lana.
Lisa: [Off screen] Roger! Copy that.
[Lucy walks into the dining room, only to find Lynn slacking off while eating pizza]
Lucy: Gasp! What are you doing? You're supposed to be watching Lori, Luna, and Lola.
Lynn: Can't I have a break? I've been working for nine hours.
Lucy: So have I, and you don't see me complaining.
Lynn: Oh yeah, cause you're always such a ray of sunshine.
Lucy: At least I don't smell like crusty athletic socks.
Lynn: Please! Like Eau De Death is better.
[Lisa walks into the dining room with Leni, Luan, and Lana, as Lucy and Lynn begin to argue]
Lisa: Oh, boy. Here we go. We are now at Erupting Volcano, people!
Lana: ENOUGH WITH YOUR DUMB CHART!!! [Grabs the chart from Lisa, and takes a big bite out of it.]
Lisa: How would you like to eat that hat?!
[The rest of the sisters enter the scene, and all of them are arguing now, which ends up with them fighting.]
Me: Laney, Now!
Laney slams her hands onto the floor and causes vines to grow and they entangle the sisters in them.
Lori: Laney, let me go or I will turn you into a human pretzel!
Laney: I don't think so.
Lynn Sr. and Rita came in and Lynn Sr. whistled.
Lynn Sr.: This has gone on long enough!
Rita: Everyone but Lincoln, J.D., Varie and Laney into the Living room, Now. But untie them first, Laney.
Laney: I've got a better idea.
She had the vines place the girls onto the sofa.
In the Living Room
Rita: Now this fighting is completly unacceptable. Lori and Leni how could you two fight over something so petty as a dress?
Lori: Leni and I had the same dress mom.
Rita: It doesn't matter. Everyone but Lincoln and Laney are grounded for 3 months.
Lynn Sr.: You all should be ashamed of yourselves. J.D. told me what was going to happen last night and he came up with this plan.
I explained the plan down to the last detail.
Me: And then Mr. Lynn and Ms. Rita gave you your punishment.
Laney: That Sister Fight Protocol is a menace to this whole family!
Me: Girls, turn over all the stuff related to that protocal. Mr. Lynn, burn that box.
I give Lynn Sr. a book of matches and everyone turns over the protocal gear and Lynn Sr. goes to burn the box.
Lisa: I should've never made that Protocal to begin with. It just makes things worse.
Leni: It's all my fault! Lori, I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!!! (Crying)
Varie: Don't say that, Leni. Like I said before. You both would look really adorable in that dress.
Me: Girls, that protocal threatened to tear this family apart. It only made things worse for everyone.
Laney: That's what I've been saying.
Lincoln: That's right.
I explained what's been happening with Lincoln in his room and more and everyone felt really guilty.
Luan: Lincoln we're really sorry we kicked you out of your room.
Luna: Yeah. Sorry dude.
Lincoln: It's okay. I've already forgiven you.
Varie: You can let go of them now, Laney.
Laney releases them.
Me: Well guys, thanks to us we won't have to worry about that protocal again.
Lincoln: Yep. Especially when Lynn says she needs-
Laney covers Lincoln's mounth before he could finish that sentence.
Laney: Keep practicing so she can be a sports star some day.
Lynn: Oh yeah! I'm goin' for the gold! [Laney removes her hand from Lincoln's mouth]
Laney: Next time you better let me do the talking. Lincoln.
After everyone but Lincoln and Laney went back to their rooms, Lynn Sr. took me, Lincoln, Varie and Laney out to the backyard and I doused the box with gasoline and we set the box on fire.
Me: Mission Accomplished Mr. Lynn.
Lynn Sr.: Yes indeed.
Laney: Good riddence to bad rubbish.
THE END.
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Whoo! My 9th Fanfiction is completed and this one took a good while.
This was truly a challenge. The infamous episode done my way.
I'm going to do an original episode next time.
Until then this is J.D. signing off.
Laney belongs to Kinghammer Publishing at Fanfiction.net