| Scene opens at Echo Creek Academy. | |
| Jackie Lynn Thomas | [talking to Lynn] Oh, Minnesota, huh? Fancy. |
| Marco Diaz peers at Jackie from behind his locker. He's nervous, and his armpits are sweaty. | |
| Marco | Okay, you got this. [fanning his sweaty pits, whispers to his reflection] Today is the day. |
| Jackie | Hey, Marco. |
| Marco | [gasps] |
| Jackie | Today is the day for what? |
| Marco | Oh, uh... today is the day... I was going to ask you a question. |
| Jackie | Okay. |
| Marco | Jackie, I was wondering if you'd like to go out... and get me some paper towels for Marco's sweaty pits. [gasps] |
| Jackie | Uh... |
| Marco | No, no, no, no! That is not what I meant to say! What I meant to say is the sweat is gushing down Marco's back like a waterfall. |
| Jackie | [laughs nervously] |
| Marco | Now it's crossing the border into Marco's undies. Aaaah! |
| Jackie | Okay, well, Jackie is going to go now and get Marco some paper towels for his wet body. [walks away] |
| Marco | [panics, runs away] |
| Scene cuts to later in the cafeteria. | |
| Marco | [banging head against table] That! Was! So! Stupid! Ugh. |
| Star Butterfly | Hey, hey, now, Marco. It's not that big a deal. |
| Janna Ordonia | I heard what happened. Everyone's talking about it. Welp, looks like you should just give up on dating forever. |
| Marco | Thanks for the vote of confidence. [sighs] I'm not gonna let being tongue-tied stop me. Pen me! |
| Star gives Marco a pen, and he starts writing on a piece of paper. | |
| Marco | "Jackie, will you go out with me Friday night?" [walks up to Jackie] Hey, uh, Jackie? |
| Jackie | Oh, hey, there you are. I got your paper towels. |
| Marco | Oh, uh... [nervous giggle] Here's some paper for you. [hands paper to Jackie] |
| Jackie | [reading letter] "Marco can't grow hair on his chin, but he can on his back"? |
| Janna | Ha! |
| Marco | What?! [grabs the note, reads in a whisper] "Marco can't grow hair on his chin, but he can on his back"?! |
| Marco nervously backs away from Jackie and crashes into Chet, spilling his lunch on his jacket. | |
| Chet | Bro, my jacket. |
| Marco | Oh, uh, sorry, Chet. |
| Chet | No worries. It's just a material possession. |
| Marco | Marco thinks Chet should punch him. |
| Chet | What? |
| Marco | No, no, no! I mean, if-if Marco were Chet, he'd totally punch Marco. |
| Chet | It's just a jacket, dude. |
| Marco | [grabbing Chet's arm] Marco would lose all respect for Chet if Chet didn't punch Marco?! |
| Chet | Don't... Don't make me do this bro. |
| Marco | Ow! |
| Marco blacks out as he pulls Chet's fist into his face. Scene reemerges at a drinking fountain; Marco flushes his black eye with water. | |
| Star | What happened in there? |
| Marco | I don't know what got into me. Every time I'm around Jackie, I keep blurting out the wrong thing. |
| Jackie walks by. | |
| Marco | Every night when Marco goes to sleep, he shapes his pillow in the form of Jackie Lynn Thomas! [gasps, closes mouth] And kisses it goodnight! |
| Jackie | Did you say something? |
| Marco muffles his speech with his hands. After it cuts out, he falls over and starts groaning. Black clouds gather in the sky. | |
| Star | Marco, what's happening? |
| Janna | Wait. Let's see where this goes. |
| Marco continues to scream until a smaller head pops out of his neck. | |
| Naysaya | Hello. |
| Star | [screams] ...Oh, you made a little Marco Junior. |
| Janna | 'Sup, Marco Junior? [shakes hand] |
| Marco | Janna, that's... that's not his hand. That's... |
| Naysaya | Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Marco Diaz covers the mirror when he showers because... because, because Marco is ashamed of his own body! |
| Star | Oh, it's so adorable. |
| Marco | Are you crazy?! How am I ever gonna ask out Jackie like this?! |
| Jackie | Hey, guys. |
| Marco | [gasps, hides behind Janna] |
| Janna | Hey. |
| Jackie | Did any of you get the English homework assignment? |
| Naysaya | Marco thinks... |
| Marco muffles the little head with his hoodie. | |
| Star | Oh, I can show you, Jackie. Come with me. [leads Jackie off-screen] |
| Janna | That's it. I remember where I've seen you before. |
| Scene jumps to Marco's locker as Janna opens it. | |
| Marco | Hey, where'd you get my combination? |
| Janna | From your diary. |
| Janna removes the back panel to reveal a hole in the wall lit by a candle. | |
| Marco | What is that stuff? |
| Janna | Just some of my personal things. |
| Janna pulls out a book entitled "Paranormal Folklore and Witchcraft, 5th Edition". | |
| Janna | I've seen Marco Junior somewhere before. |
| Marco | Stop calling it that! |
| Janna | [flips to a page] Here. "The Naysaya. The Naysaya grows out of the neck of its victim." |
| Naysaya | Yes, that is Naysaya when Naysaya was younger. |
| Janna | "It reveals itself when the afflicted attempts to woo their true love, exposing the victim's deepest, darkest secrets for all to hear." |
| Naysaya | And to judge. |
| Marco | [pointing at figure in background] What the heck is that thing? |
| Janna | Oh, that's a demon. The Naysaya is a total demon curse. |
| Marco | [groans] A demon. |
| Scene changes to Tom's abode, where he is seen playing video games. | |
| Tom | Dude, I'm so sorry. I totally put that curse on you to prevent you from asking out Star. |
| Marco | Why would you do something like that? |
| Tom | That was before we started hanging out. You haven't asked out a girl since the Blood Moon Ball? [laughs] That's way more embarrassing than that thing on your neck. |
| Marco | How do I get rid of it? |
| Tom | Eh, just let it run its course. Once it's shouted all your worst, most shameful secrets, it'll wear off. |
| Marco | And how long will that take? |
| Tom | It depends. How insecure are you? |
| Marco | ...Oh. no. [pulls out dimensional scissors and opens a portal] |
| Tom | Good luck, dude. |
| Scene changes to the Diaz Household; Marco hides under a pile of pillows in his bedroom. Star knocks on Marco's door. | |
| Star | Marco? What did Tom say? |
| Naysaya | Thomas says Marco will have Naysaya for the rest of his life because... because, because Marco is so insecure! |
| Marco | You should get back to school. You're missing class. |
| Star | Well, aren't you coming too? |
| Marco | I won't be going to school anymore. |
| Star | What? |
| Star looks at her finger. She slides it under the door with two hearts, two eyes, and a mouth drawn on it. She rotates the little face towards Marco. | |
| Star | Marco, it's just a demon curse. Don't let Naysaya keep you from what you want. [sighs] Okay. The door is cutting off the circulation to my finger, so I better get going. Ooh, tingly. |
| Naysaya | She's a good friend. |
| Marco | Alright, dude. What do you want to keep your mouth shut? |
| Naysaya | What? |
| Marco | What do you want? |
| Naysaya | M-Marco wants to know what Naysaya wants? But no one has ever asked what Naysaya wants. |
| Marco | Well, dude, it's your lucky day. What do you want? |
| Naysaya | May Naysaya have whatever he pleases? |
| Marco | As long as you let me ask Jackie out, you can have whatever you want. |
| Naysaya | Then Naysaya would like... cereal. |
| Marco | Seriously? You... You can have cereal. |
| Naysaya | But... b-b-but... Naysaya would like to enjoy cereal in Naysaya's own mouth. [sticks out tongue] Ahhhh... |
| Scene jumps to the kitchen. A bowl of cereal is being made. Marco holds up a spoonful to Naysaya. | |
| Naysaya | [panics] Will... will... will it hurt? |
| Marco | Just make sure you chew with your teeth. |
| Naysaya eats the spoonful. | |
| Naysaya | Some more. |
| Marco feeds Naysaya another spoonful. | |
| Naysaya | Some more. |
| Marco feeds Naysaya yet another spoonful; Naysaya's mouth is really getting full now. | |
| Naysaya | Some more! |
| Marco cleans milk off of Naysaya's mouth. | |
| Marco | Okay, so you promise to keep your mouth shut, right? |
| Naysaya | [swallows, sighs] Naysaya is in your corner. |
| The scene changes to Echo Creek Academy. Marco watches Jackie from a distance. | |
| Jackie | [talking to Hope Hadley and Lynn] That is so cute, you guys. |
| Marco wraps a scarf around Naysaya, sighs, and approaches Jackie. | |
| Marco | Hey, Jackie. |
| Janna | Look. Is that Marco? |
| Star | [gasps] He's going for it! |
| Jackie | Hey, Marco. Wha... Are you cold? What's going on here with the scarf? |
| Marco | Oh, you know, sometimes I... ski... to school. |
| Jackie | No way! I snowboard! Awesome. |
| Marco | Yeah, yeah. There's probably a lot of stuff you don't know about me. That's why I thought it would be cool if we, uh... if we... if you and I... if we went on a— |
| Naysaya | Oh-oh-oh, this is the Jacqueline Marco practiced asking out in the mirror. Oh! Marco even pretend-kissed you with his own... reflection. |
| Marco | Naysaya, you promised you wouldn't do that! |
| Naysaya | Wha... What's a promise? |
| Jackie | Look, I gotta go home. You're... you're really confusing me. |
| Jackie gets on her skate board and starts skating away. | |
| Marco | Jackie, wait! It's not me saying this stuff! [unwraps scarf] It's him! |
| Students | [gasps] |
| Naysaya | Greetings, Jacqueline. |
| Jackie | [gasps] |
| Carrie | That is disgusting. |
| Sabrina Backintosh | Is that a British accent? |
| Marco | Jackie, there's nothing I can do. [sighs] Got this curse thing on my neck. But I'd still like to ask— |
| Naysaya | Marco hasn't taken a bath since he saw that shark movie! |
| Marco | Ugh. He's right. I haven't taken a bath since I saw that shark movie. I mean, I take showers. I'm just... afraid of the tub. |
| Naysaya | Oh, oh, oh! And Marco wears— |
| Marco | I wear ballet shoes around the house. |
| Naysaya | And he never held hands— |
| Marco | I never held hands with a girl. So I practiced with Ferguson. |
| Naysaya | And, and, and— |
| Marco | I always sit when I go to the bathroom. What? Come on, there's ladies in the house. I cry when it rains. I-I still got my wubbie, and his name is Esteban. Until last week, I thought that the state of mind was between Nebraska and Kansas. I'm a straight-A student, and I've still got no idea how to do long division. Go ahead! Someone yell out a division! |
| Student | Uh, 724 divided by 37? |
| Marco | I got no idea. Get a calculator! |
| Naysaya | Yes, but-but Marco also— |
| Marco | I filled a notebook with my first name and your last name because I couldn't decide which looked better – "Marco Diaz Lynn Thomas" or "Marco Lynn Thomas Diaz". |
| Naysaya | Oh, oh! |
| Marco | Oh, yeah, and another thing. [holds up a piece of paper] I kept this drawing you made of the moon. I pulled it out of the trash in art class. |
| Jackie | That's supposed to be a watermelon. |
| Marco | Oh, really? Looks like a moon. Well, your watermelon reminds me of my biggest fear of all: that we're all alone on this tiny blue marble, floating in the infinite expanse of the universe, ripped from the center, and ejected out into a black void for no reason at all. Players on the stage of the absurd. |
| Jackie | Wow, that was really... deep. |
| Marco | So there it is, Jackie Lynn. That's it. That's all my insecurities. You know everything now. Unless I left anything out. |
| Naysaya | ...No, Marco, that's... everything. |
| Marco | I still think it'd be really great if we hung out Friday night. |
| Star | [laughing excitedly] |
| Jackie | You know, a group of us are all going to a movie Friday night. You should totally come. |
| Marco | That would be awesome. |
| Jackie | Cool. Well, see you then. [skateboards away] |
| Star tackles Marco. | |
| Marco | Aah! |
| Star | You did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it! |
| Janna | You know who to call when you get divorced, Marco. |
| Marco | So, curse fulfilled right? How's this work? You just kinda dry up, flake off? |
| Naysaya | You know, Naysaya has never been to the movies. |
| Marco | [sighs] |
| Scene changes to the movie theater; Marco and Jackie sit next to each other. | |
| Naysaya | [eating popcorn, whispers] Don't open the door! It's not the milkman! |
| An evil laugh bellows, following by a scream of terror. | |
| Audience | [gasps] |
| Jackie | [grabs Marco's arm, scared] That's not milk! |
| Naysaya | Oh! Marco's very nervous right now. |
| Marco shoves a piece of popcorn into Naysaya's mouth. | |
| Marco | After the movie, you gotta go. |
| (end song) |
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