Mama Star/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Episode begins at Britta's Tacos. Oskar Greason is taking an old lady's order. Jackie Lynn Thomas and Chloe are seen sitting at one of the outdoor tables.
Old Lady	Golly, I'm excited. I haven't had a chimichanga since I lost my molars in 1988.
Oskar Greason	Whoa. I wasn't even alive in '88. [gives old lady her food in a paper bag] Here you go.
Old Lady	Oh, boy!
	The old lady reaches for the paper bag, but the ground suddenly starts to shake.
People	[gasping]
	The trembling stops.
Old Lady	[chuckles] Strange weather, huh? But nothin' calms the nerves like a nice chimi—
	The ground starts to shake again.
Oskar and Old Lady	[gasping]
	The trembling stops again.
Old Lady	Well, how do you like that? You know, this place was built on a tar pit. Maybe you ought to check that there isn't a tar geyser bubblin' in the basement.
Oskar	Good thinking, old chick. [runs off]
Old Lady	Now, wait a second. What about my—?
	The old lady's food flies into her arms from off-screen.
Old Lady	Oh, there you are.
	The ground shakes yet again. Scene cuts to the underground cavern under Britta's Tacos.
Star Butterfly	Glittery Mad Sparkle Piano!
	Star conjures a talking piano...
Piano	Hi, Star!
	...and tosses it into the well of magic.
Piano	[screams]
Star	[looks into the well] Where is she?! Exploding Incandescent Wrecking Ball Devastation!
	Star conjures a wrecking ball and tosses it into the well. Janna dumps a trash can full of garbage into the well. Tom walks up holding a box of raw meat.
Tom Lucitor	I got a... got a box of garbage meat.
Star	Put it in the hole, Tom.
	Tom throws the box into the well. Marco is analyzing the hieroglyphics depicting Glossaryck and the well of magic.
Marco Diaz	(o.s.) So, if this is the magic well, it's leading to these boats traveling here...
Star	(o.s.) Giant Narwal Avalanche Explosion!
Marco	...Yeah! That's it! Star, if the magic well connects Earth and Mewni, then what if the first Mewmans were actually humans?
Star	Marco! Less talky, more trashy! Sparkling Landfill Garbage Geyser!
Oskar	(o.s.) Star?
	Oskar reaches the bottom of the ladder leading into the underground cavern.
Oskar	Hey, I didn't know you worked at Britta's Tacos.
Janna	She doesn't, you clod. [drops rusty toaster oven into the well]
Oskar	Uh, so if you don't work here, then what are you doing in the basement?
Star	Look, Oskar, we're kind of in an emergency-type situation here. See, I need to get home, and the only way home is down that well and through a big ol' magic slip-and-slide that makes you lose your mind if you're in it too long. So I'm trying to call my daughter – my unicorn daughter – because she stays sane in the magic, and she can guide us through in one piece. So we're throwing garbage down the well to get her attention.
Oskar	Garbage?
Star	Oskar, please, try to keep up! My unicorn daughter is a total neat freak. Don't know where she got that from. But the garbage we throw down the well will bring her to us.
Oskar	Huh. Well, how about the meat cooler?
	Oskar points to a meat cooler. One side of the cooler has the words "SUPER FREEZE" on it. Another side has a picture of an anthropomorpic leg of meat dressed like a superhero.
Oskar	I bet your unicorn daughter wouldn't be able to ignore that big boy.
	Star, Marco, Tom, Janna, and Oskar slowly push the meat cooler toward the well. The Firstborn pops out of the well, looking angry.
Firstborn	Stop throwing garbage in here!
Star	Firstborn! Thank goodness! You gotta listen. We need you to take us into the well that leads to Mewni.
Firstborn	Every time you come in here, you sour this place. I cannot help you. Goodbye.
	The Firstborn disappears back into the well. Star, Marco, Tom, Janna, and Oskar look inside the well.
Janna	Soooo... what do we do now?
Star	Well, WE don't do anything. Looks like I gotta just drive in there and hopefully make it back to the Mewni well before I lose my mind.
Marco	What? No way. You're not going in there by yourself. We're going together, Star.
Oskar	Yeah. Together.
Star	[smiles]
	Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna scream as they ride Oskar's car into the well and land inside the Realm of Magic.
Firstborn	No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Star	[rolls down car window] Thanks for letting us borrow your car, Oskar!
Firstborn	What are you doing? You have to go! The last time you were here, you caused a major problem for me.
Star	Bee-oop!
	Star magically creates reins around the Firstborn's muzzle.
Star	Okay, look, here's the deal. You're my daughter, so you have to do what I say. I need you to lead us through the magic to the Mewni well. And if you don't, do you really want four goo-goo-brained teenagers who've lost their minds running around down here? Yeah, that's right. We're teenagers. We're great at causing problems.
Firstborn	If you want to go back to Mewni, then I'll send you back to Mewni.
	The Firstborn's horn starts to glow. Star grabs the Firstborn's horn.
Star	No! No, no! Don't do the zappy thing! We all have to go back together. Now, be a good daughter unicorn and pull us to the Mewni well. And no more complaining.
Firstborn	I can't believe I'm doing this. Huh. I must be crazy.
	The Firstborn starts pulling Oskar's car by her reins.
Star	Now, I can't have any monkey business, so just to be safe, I'm setting the child lock. [lock clicks]
Janna	[scoffs] Star, give us a little credit.
Star	Nuh-uh. I can't risk any of you guys getting out of the car. This place does crazy things to your mind, and if you were to wander off, you'd be done for. Trust me. Now, come on. Let's just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Tom	It is pretty cool.
	The Firstborn starts looking around nervously.
Janna	[holds up a tennis ball] Hey, guys? What are these things?
Marco	Uh, that's just a tennis b... a tennis b... uhhh... [blinks, looks at Janna] ...Hi.
Janna	Hi.
Star	Oh, boy. It's already starting? All right, say goodbye to your memories, people.
Marco	What? It's kicking in already?! But I'm not ready!
Janna	[scoffs] Looks like somebody can't handle his magic. [laughs]
Tom	[laughs] Newbie.
Star	Marco, my man. Sit back and relax. Just let it wash over you.
Marco	...What am I doing here? I didn't want this. [pulls his hood over his head] Tom... gets what he wants. Gets to go home.
	Tom has a goofy smile and tennis balls on his horns. Another tennis ball bounces off his face.
Marco	Janna... gets to be... weird.
	A tennis ball flies into Janna's mouth, and she spits it out.
Marco	[sighs] I don't get to have what I want. [to himself] You don't even know what you want! Yes, I do. I want, I w... I want... I want... I want to be...
	Marco shifts around in his seat and puts his head on Star's lap.
Marco	...to be very small. And I want you... uh... I want you to put me in your pocket. And I want to stay there. And you can just reach in whenever you want and just pat me on the head.
	Star starts to stroke Marco's head.
Marco	Because I love you, Star.
	Scene cuts back to reality; the previous scene was Marco's hallucination.
Star	What'd you just say?
Marco	[laughs] What?
	Star smiles at Marco.
Marco	[looks toward back seat, screams] That guy's got three eyes!
Tom	I do?! [exclaims] Get it— Get it— Get it— Get it off! Get it off!
Star	It's all right. It's all right. Marco, be cool, man. That's just... uh, what's your name again?
Tom	It's, uh... Oh, man! [laughs] I have no idea!
Janna	Whoa. Cool. All guys should have three eyes.
	The Firstborn continues to pull Oskar's car through the Realm of Magic.
Janna	[bounces tennis ball off Tom's head, groans] I want to go outside!
Star	[plays with steering wheel] We're not supposed to! But I can't remember why.
Tom	Maybe... we're in... time-out. I mean, we must've done something bad, 'cause we're stuck in this dirty, stinky place, and it is so pretty out there!
Marco	[shrieking]
	Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna see the Firstborn through the car's windshield and scream.
Star	It has so many legs! [gasps] Oh, my gosh. What if... what if that thing is holding us prisoner?
Janna	You gotta run that thing over.
Tom	Oh, do it, do it.
Star	Sounds good. Awww, but I don't remember how to make the box move. Trying... to... remember...!
	Star summons a tiny narwhal.
Star	[exclaims]
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna	[laugh]
Janna	I can't tell if I wanna hug it or eat it.
Marco	[looks at Firstborn, screams again] What is that?!
	Star steps on the gas pedal and pushes the car into the Firstborn.
Firstborn	[grunts] Watch it!
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna	[laugh]
Janna	Do it again!
	Star drives the car and chases after the Firstborn.
Firstborn	Stop this at once!
	Star presses on the gas pedal with her hands while Marco steers with the steering wheel.
Marco	We almost got it!
Firstborn	STOP!
	The Firstborn's magic flashes, and the car stops, hovering over the water.
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna	[exclaim]
Firstborn	Behave! Or I will turn this thing around, so help me! We have nearly reached the Mewni well. Just sit still and... [gasps]
	The Firstborn is suddenly dragged under the water. The car falls onto the ground.
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna	[grunt]
Star	Where'd she go?
Marco	Maybe she's in that purple stuff we're sitting in.
	The car sits in the middle of a puddle of black water.
Marco	Huh.
	Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna stare blankly into space.
Star	I'm bored. Hey, let's go do something fun.
Marco	Oh, I love fun! Let's do that.
Janna	Okay.
	Tom screams demonically and blows the roof off the car. The roof lands far away. Tom now has a more demonic appearance, and his body's on fire.
Tom	[altered voice] Wow. I am so sorry for that. I just blew up. I didn't even know I could do that. Oh, boy. I'm still on fire. There's gotta be an "off" switch somewhere here, right? [turns his head 270 degrees]
Star	Let's go play.
	Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna struggle to remove their seatbelts.
Janna	Let me go!
	The Firstborn pops up out of the water.
Firstborn	[gasps]
Star	Oh, hello. Hey, could you help us? We don't know how to get out of these things, and he's on fire.
Tom	[shrugs] I can't figure it out.
Firstborn	[gasps] The Mewni... The Mewni Well... is just ahead!
	Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna look at a nearby waterfall flowing upward.
Firstborn	[gasping] Go! Go now before he gets—!
	A black horn swims up to the Firstborn, and she is pulled back down under the water. A pause, then Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna continue to struggle with their seatbelts. Star accidentally presses the unfastening button on her seatbelt.
Star	Ohhhhh! The button makes the rope-y thing let go!
	Marco and Janna unfasten their seatbelts, too. They and Star run off laughing.
Tom	Hey, guys, wait for me! [pulled back by seatbelt] ...Hey, guys, wait for me! [pulled back by seatbelt]
	Star and Marco frolic through the water together.
Star and Marco	[laughing] Whee!
	They both soon fall over onto their backs.
Star	You're fun.
Marco	[chuckles] You're fun, too.
Star and Marco	I like you.
White Unicorn	(o.s.) Excuse me.
	A little white unicorn appears from behind a rock.
White Unicorn	I'm lost. Have you seen my family? I don't know where they went.
Star	No, I'm sorry. But maybe... we can be your family.
	Star holds hands with Marco.
Marco	...I'd like that.
White Unicorn	[giggles] Okay!
Star	[scratches behind unicorn's ear] Awww! I love our little family!
White Unicorn	Mama, I'm hungry.
Marco	Well, eat up, champ. You need to grow up big and strong.
	The white unicorn starts drinking the water, including the black water. Meanwhile, Janna wanders into an enclosed grotto.
Janna	[chuckles]
	The grotto's walls all have Moon Butterfly's black handprints on them.
Janna	Whoa! High-five. [high-fives one of the handprints]
	Several little unicorns with black coats appear around Janna, growling at her.
Janna	...Awww!
	Scene cuts back to Tom, who is still in his seatbelt in Oskar's car and still on fire.
Tom	Whew! It is hot in here.
	Star and Marco are hugging the little white unicorn.
Marco	[crying] I'm... so happy. Can we have a thousand babies?
	Janna tosses four black unicorns in front of Star and Marco.
Janna	You can have those. But this one's mine.
	Janna has a very tiny black unicorn under her hat.
Tiny Unicorn	[snarling]
Star	Come here!
	Star and Marco scoop up all the unicorns and hug them.
Star	Mmmm!
Janna	Looks like you got another one on the way.
	A black horn swims across the water and up to Star and Marco.
Marco	So this is where babies come from.
Star	Yeah. It's okay. Come to Mama.
	A much larger black unicorn rises out of the water.
Black Unicorn	[snarls]
Marco	You're a big baby.
	The black unicorn rears up on its hind legs and whinnies menacingly. The Firstborn, covered in bruises, appears from the side and tackles the black unicorn. It slides across the water.
Marco	Whoa, you guys play rough.
Firstborn	[collapses to her knees, groans] No. It doesn't want to play. Its sole purpose is destruction...!
	The little white unicorn that Star and Marco "adopted" turns black, and it growls at Star.
Star	Awww. I think they just want to play.
	Star pokes the little black unicorn's nose. It snaps its teeth at Star's finger.
Star	See?
	The large black unicorn gallops toward Star and her friends.
Black Unicorn	[echoing whinny]
Firstborn	You must leave! I'm sorry!
	The Firstborn's horn glows, and a flash of white light engulfs everything.

v • e • d Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts

Season 1

Star Comes to Earth • Party With a Pony • Match Maker • School Spirit • Monster Arm • The Other Exchange Student • Cheer Up, Star • Quest Buy • Diaz Family Vacation • Brittney's Party • Mewberty • Pixtopia • Lobster Claws • Sleep Spells • Blood Moon Ball • Fortune Cookies • Freeze Day • Royal Pain • St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses • Mewnipendance Day • The Banagic Incident • Interdimensional Field Trip • Marco Grows a Beard • Storm the Castle

Season 2

My New Wand! • Ludo in the Wild • Mr. Candle Cares • Red Belt • Star on Wheels • Fetch • Star vs. Echo Creek • Wand to Wand • Starstruck • Camping Trip • Starsitting • On the Job • Goblin Dogs • By the Book • Game of Flags • Girls' Day Out • Sleepover • Gift of the Card • Friendenemies • Is Mystery • Hungry Larry • Spider With a Top Hat • Into the Wand • Pizza Thing • Page Turner • Naysaya • Bon Bon the Birthday Clown • Raid the Cave • Trickstar • Baby • Running with Scissors • Mathmagic • The Bounce Lounge • Crystal Clear • The Hard Way • Heinous • All Belts are Off • Collateral Damage • Just Friends • Face the Music • Starcrushed

Season 3

Return to Mewni • Moon the Undaunted • Book Be Gone • Marco and the King • Puddle Defender • King Ludo • Toffee • Scent of a Hoodie • Rest in Pudding • Club Snubbed • Stranger Danger • Demoncism • Sophomore Slump • Lint Catcher • Trial by Squire • Princess Turdina • Starfari • Sweet Dreams • Lava Lake Beach • Death Peck • Ponymonium • Night Life • Deep Dive • Monster Bash • Stump Day • Holiday Spellcial • The Bogbeast of Boggabah • Total Eclipsa the Moon • Butterfly Trap • Ludo, Where Art Thou? • Is Another Mystery • Marco Jr. • Skooled! • Booth Buddies • Bam Ui Pati! • Tough Love • Divide • Conquer

Season 4

Butterfly Follies • Escape from the Pie Folk • Moon Remembers • Swim Suit • Ransomgram • Lake House Fever • Yada Yada Berries • Down by the River • The Ponyhead Show! • Surviving the Spiderbites • Out of Business • Kelly's World • Curse of the Blood Moon • Princess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic Bell • Ghost of Butterfly Castle • Cornball! • Meteora's Lesson • The Knight Shift • Queen-Napped • Junkin' Janna • A Spell with No Name • A Boy and His DC-700XE • The Monster and the Queen • Cornonation • Doop-Doop • Britta's Tacos • Beach Day • Gone Baby Gone • Sad Teen Hotline • Jannanigans • Mama Star • Ready, Aim, Fire • The Right Way • Here to Help • Pizza Party • The Tavern at the End of the Multiverse • Cleaved