| Scene opens at the Better Than Nothing Apartments complex. | |
| Miss Heinous | Thanks for meeting us here today, Rasticore. We had a problem with some rogue princesses which I hope you can help us with. |
| Rasticore | [growls] |
| Heinous | [hands him a photo of Star and Marco] Destroy the blonde one, but bring the dark-haired one to me. |
| Rasticore turns on a tracking device. It shows him a map of the United States, and an indicator light blinks in southern California. He then attempts to start his dimensional chainsaw. | |
| Rasticore | Ugh. Gimme a break. Stupid. |
| Heinous | Do-Do you... |
| Rasticore | Workin' on it! |
| The chainsaw finally starts, and Rasticore creates a portal by which he exits. | |
| Gemini | Oh, Miss Heinous. I cannot wait to recapture our former glory. It has been a long time since I last ate. [stomach rumbles] |
| Heinous | Indeed. [walks to kitchen] Here. Take this. The last of our savings. [pulls out some bills from the cookie jar] |
| Gemini | Oh, you're so generous, Miss Heinous. Finally, some little food for my mouth. |
| Heinous | It's not for food you fool. It's for my hair. Miss Fairol's number 112. Golden brown. And bring back a receipt! |
| Scene changes to the Diaz's house. | |
| Star Butterfly | [laughs] |
| Janna | [looking in wallet] "Billie's Ballet Shoe Emporium. Our discounts are on pointe." Marco, why do you even have this? |
| Marco Diaz | For your information, they are incredibly comfortable to wear around the house. What are you guys doing looking through my wallet anyway? [no answer] Can't a guy get any privacy? |
| Star | Nope. |
| Janna | Hey, what's with this weird card? It's all shaky. |
| Star | Let me see that. [card in hand] Hey, this is the Quest Buy gift card I got for you, Marco. I can't believe you haven't used it yet. I got this for our six-month friendship-aversary so you could get yourself something special. If you don't use it, it'll expire. |
| Marco | Look, Star, it's not that I don't appreciate it, okay? It's just that the last time I went to Quest Buy, I almost got killed. |
| Star | But Marco, it expires tonight. Come on! [whimpers] |
| Marco | [sighs] Fine. Let's go. |
| Star | Yay. Perfect! [opens portal] We'll be back in a bit Janna. |
| Janna | Laters. |
| In Quest Buy | |
| Star | Alright, let's get you the perfect gift! |
| Marco | Oh no. |
| Star | See anything you like? [gasps] Look. There's a Skullaroid camera. Takes pictures specifically of ghosts. |
| Marco | Uh, I don't think so. |
| Star | Ooh, how about some spooky haunted garden gnomes? |
| Marco | Ugh, look at all this stuff. This is exactly why I do not like shopping. I can never make up my mind. |
| Star | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, Mr. Picky Pants. Luckily, we got until midnight. |
| Back at the Diaz's house, Janna eats some Gold'n crips. Rasticore opens a portal into the house. | |
| Rasticore | Tell me where Princess Star and Princess Marco are located. |
| Janna | Uh, loud. They went to Quest Buy. |
| Rasticore | The one near the galactic vortex, or the one with the big parking lot? [pulls out tracking device] Never mind. I found them. [tries to start his chainsaw] Come on. [exits] |
| Janna | Why did you even ask if you already knew? |
| Back at Quest Buy, Star's wand watch gives out a meow. | |
| Star | Ooh, that's getting a little too close for comfort. Marco, I don't mean to rush you, but it's been hours. If you don't find something soon, the card will expire and go to waste. |
| Marco | You know it's hard for me to shop in public. Plus, I'm just not that into Quest Buy gear. |
| Star | Ugh, Marco! That have literally everything in the universe here. There has to be something you want. Please!! Hurry up!! |
| Marco | If you're going to rush me, then I'll just buy some piece of junk now, and come back to exchange it later, okay? |
| The Quest Buy gift card flies out of his pocket. | |
| Marco | Huh? |
| The card fires a laser at Marco's hand, and he drops the product he was holding. | |
| Marco | What the heck⁈ |
| Star | [laughs] Oh, yeah. That. I may have forgotten to mention that this is a "friends to the end" gift card. You have to truly, deeply want the item you spend it on, or else it won't work. |
| Marco | Star, why would you give me a card like that? |
| Star | Because I wanted to get you something you really liked. |
| Marco | [sighs] Okay. Fine. Just, uh, nothing in this section. |
| Chicken in a bottle | Good, 'cause I don't like you either. |
| Marco | I see why you're on sale. |
| The card hums ominously over Marco. | |
| Marco | Alright, alright. Ugh. |
| Star | How about this? |
| Marco | No, no. |
| Star | How about this? |
| Marco | Too gaudy. |
| Star | How about one of these? |
| Marco | Another keychain? I'll pass. |
| Star | Oh, how about one of these? |
| Marco | Uh, maybe. Nah. |
| Star | How about this? [holds a sweater] |
| Marco | Ugh. Star, you know the neck is gonna stretch out on that. |
| The gift card zaps Marco again. | |
| Marco | Ow! Alright, alright. I'm sorry, but I really can't decide under this kind of pressure. Maybe we can get an extension on the card. |
| Star | Well, we can try. |
| Star walks up to a store worker's comfortable | |
| Star | Excuse me. I have a question. |
| Worker | Not my department. |
| Star | But you're customer service. |
| Worker | Oh, yeah. We really need to ditch that sign. Fine. How can I help you? |
| Star | Is there any way we can extend the expiration date on this card? |
| Worker | Shouldn't be a problem. [he scans it] Uh, you know what? No. This is a "friends to the end" gift card. It's not only impervious to change, but when it expires, so do you. |
| Marco | What⁈ Like, we die? |
| Worker | Geez. Everyone's gotta die some time. This just guarantees that you'll die sooner. It's all here in the contract your friend signed. If you don't use it by midnight, zap, ha ha. Both of you get blasted into oblivion. |
| Marco | Zap?! Tell me again, Star. Why did you get me a card like this? |
| Star | I didn't know. I never read the fine print. |
| Marco | Always read the fine print Star. I mean look at this contract. |
| The contract, floating in the air besides him, is dark purple with bat-like wings. | |
| Star | There's gotta be something we can do. |
| Worker | Nope. Sorry, dude. Um, dudes. You know, seeing as there's only a few hours left, you better go find something you really like. |
| Star and Marco run back into the aisles, screaming. Rasticore opens a portal into the store, though he struggles to get through it. | |
| Worker | Uh, yes, before you ask, this is not my... |
| Rasticore blasts the worker with a quick laser. | |
| Worker | Ow. |
| Scene jumps back to Star. Her wand meows again. | |
| Star | Oh no. Ten minutes to midnight. |
| Marco | We're toast. |
| The Quest Buy gift card loudly charges up with electricity, turning into a large humanoid figure. | |
| Card | Activating expiration mode. |
| Star | Shooting star explosion! |
| The spell is absorbed by the card. | |
| Card | Enough nonsense. Choose your gift. Your life depends on it. Commencing countdown to your expiration date. You have ten minutes. |
| Star and Marco scream some more. | |
| Star | See anything you like Marco? |
| Marco | No. |
| Card | Nine minutes until expiration. |
| Star | What about gourmet hair gel? |
| Marco | No. |
| Card | 8.5 minutes until expiration. |
| Marco | Who designed this card⁈ |
| Star | Why do you have to be so picky? |
| Marco | I'm not picky. I'm just... highly selective. Wait, Star. Hold on. |
| Marco approaches a large sign that says "Your Secrets are Safe with Me." There is a wallet on display | |
| Marco | The ultimate in privacy. It's even my favorite color. And a thumbprint privacy setting [laughs]. |
| Star | Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. [opens case] It's yours Marco. Get it, get it, get it out. |
| Marco | [straining] It's stuck. |
| Card | Sorry sir. That's a display model. |
| Marco and Star take off, screaming and running again. | |
| Star | We gotta get the Quest Buy sloth employee to help us. |
| They run by a worker's lounge. Two sloths are enjoying what appears to be break time. Star and Marco pound on the window outside. | |
| Star | Stand back. |
| Star blasts the glass wall open. | |
| Star | My friend Marco needs one of your privacy wallets. |
| Worker | Uh, well, I am on my break, but, sure, let me check. |
| Marco | Can you see if they have it in plum? |
| Worker | Uh, sorry. Looks like we're out of stock. |
| Marco | No. It can't be. |
| Card | One minute to expiration. |
| Star | This is all my fault. I should've let you know there was an expiration date. [sobs] And I wasn't being lazy when I bought that thing, I promise. I genuinely thought you would love to pick out what you wanted. |
| Card | Sorry. Did you mean jeans pig unwanted? |
| Marco | I know a lot of this wouldn't have happened if I was easier to shop for. |
| Card | Okay, I will search for cheesier mop store. |
| Marco | Let's hug, so when they find our charred skeletons, they'll know we were friends. |
| Card | Sorry. There was zero results for snow made worm pants. |
| Marco | Wait! I know what I want! [to workers] Hey, there's only one thing in this whole stinkin' store that I could ever want. Star's my best friend, and friendship is the greatest gift I could ever receive. |
| Worker | You need to pick something you can purchase from the store. |
| Marco | Well, it was worth a shot. |
| Star | It was sweet Marco. |
| Card | Preparing to honor expiration. |
| Star | Good-bye Marco. |
| Marco | Good-bye Star. |
| Rasticore comes jumping through the ceiling, tackling the card's figure. | |
| Rasticore | [mumbling] Where are the stairs in this place? [to Star and Marco] Princesses, my name is Rasticore Chaosus Disastervaine. Miss Heinous sent me. Prepare to ... |
| Rasticore is electrocuted as the card rematerializes. | |
| Card | Invalid entry. Expiration imminent. |
| Worker | Hold it. We do have have one more privacy wallet in stock. |
| Star + Marco | [cheer] |
| Worker | Only, sorry. We don't have it in plum. Just, we have it in, um, Prussian blue. |
| Marco | [sobbing] Oh, it's perfect. Prussian blue is my favorite color. Even more than plum. |
| Worker | Sheesh. So dramatic. |
| Card | Good doing business with you sir. Contract obligation fulfilled. |
| The card turns back into a card and the worker picks it up, scans it, and throws it out. | |
| Worker | Well, that completes your transaction. Have a good day sir. |
| Star | We found you the perfect friendship gift! |
| Back at the Diaz's house | |
| Star | What is with this thing? How the heck are you even supposed to open this? |
| Janna | Yeah. Let me see that. |
| Marco | Nice try, ladies. Its thumbprint lock will allow no man or magical creature to ever break into... |
| Janna | Got it. |
| Marco | Janna, get out of town! |
| Star | How did you do that Janna? |
| Janna | I got Marco's thumbprint. In fact, I've got all of your sensitive information, Marco. |
| Marco | [screaming] Get outta town!! |
| Scene changes back to Miss Heinous' apartment. | |
| Gemini | Delivery from Quest Buy, milady. But I wouldn't open it. You're not going to like it. |
| Heinous | Oh, well, then there are two things in this room I don't like. |
| Miss Heinous opens the box. Inside lies Rasticore's hand and tracking device. | |
| Heinous | Rasticore! I'll get you, Princess Marco. |
| Gemini | I'm sorry. What's the other thing you don't like? |
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Gift of the Card/Transcript
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