Life-Changing Gifts
Dragonyule Xander: Being Saint Starfall is more arduous than I thought. We should stop for lunch in this fine establishment.
Euden: That sounds like a plan. ...Hmm?
Ruffian 1: Oy! Seasoning's a bit strong today, ain't it?
Owner: T-terribly sorry about that, sir.
Ruffian 2: Guess we're eatin' for free today! Bwaaa ha ha ha!
Dragonyule Xander: Oh dear. This seems to be a gathering place for hoodlums.
Ruffian 1: What're you lookin' at, fancy-pants? You wanna fight?!
Ruffian 3: Oy, 'old on a sec. I'm thinkin' these two look right set in the pocketbook. Right then, lads! Best 'and over everything ya got, or there's gonna be trouble, yeah?
Dragonyule Xander: You're either very conceited or terrifically stupid to be threatening me of all people.
Ruffian 1: What'd you just say?!
Euden: We're clearly not going to do as they say, Xander, but that still doesn't mean we should provoke them.
Ruffian 2: Looks like you two need a little lesson in proper manners!
Ruffian 3: Get 'em, boys!
Ruffian 1: Urk... G-gots carried away, we did...
Dragonyule Xander: Hmph. I knew you three were all bluster.
Euden: Sorry for all the broken furniture, ma'am.
Owner: Oh, don't you worry about those old things! Thank you very much for coming to my aid.
Dragonyule Xander: You three churls should feel ashamed for threatening such a polite woman.
Ruffian 3: All well and good for you to lecture us, Lord High-and-Mighty. We ain't gots no other way what to live! No one'd even dream of giving us real work, so threatenin' and deceivin' folks is 'ow we put bread on the table.
Ruffian 2: So shut your mouth, pretty boy! You don't know nothin'.
Dragonyule Xander: So you think to insult me after being so soundly defeated, do you? Then as Saint Starfall—and your king— I will give you three an extra special gift. Ah, I see you're practically quivering in delighted anticipation! Well, here it is: I will show you all a hell befitting rotten scum like you!
Ruffian 2: But 'ell ain't no gift!
Dragonyule Xander: Oh yes it is! Now, the three of you are coming with me whether you like it or not. ...We're leaving, Euden.
Euden: Wait, Xander!
Dragonyule Xander: First: tree-felling hell! You're going to cut down trees until your arms break! Then you will use that wood to make new tables and chairs to replace the ones that were destroyed. Now get to work!
Ruffian 2: Eeeeeeeek!
Dragonyule Xander: Next: cooking hell! YOU are going to practice cooking until you can make every item on this establishment's menu to perfection!
Ruffian 1: ALL of 'em?! Gyaaaaah!
Dragonyule Xander: Finally: forced-smiling hell! YOU are going to learn to smile in the face of any adversity!
Ruffian 3: Eeeeeek! ...Erm, I mean, 'allo? Tee hee? Smiiiiileeee?
Eventually, the many hells Xander inflicted upon the ruffians came to an end—and when they did...
Ruffian 3: Welcome, good sir! Might I ask the size of your party today?
Customer 1: Oh my! Such a polite greeting!
Ruffian 1: One grilled fish, comin' right up!
Customer 2: *munch* Wow! This tastes amazing!
Customer 3: These chairs are so comfortable, too. They must have been made by a very skilled carpenter.
Ruffian 2: Aw, you're makin' me blush...
Customer 1: I feel ravenous! Bring me the daily special, and pile that plate high!
Customer 2: I'll take another grilled fish, too!
Ruffian 3: C-coming right up!
Ruffian 1: I dunno what's goin' on here, but this actually seems to be...good?
Ruffian 2: Yeah, and everyone's smilin', too. Makin' people happy feels nice!
Ruffian 3: Sure beats havin' everyone loathe ya.
Ruffian 1: I don't get it. We've been nothin' but useless at real work up till now.
Ruffian 2: Right? One minute that rich bloke's makin' us suffer, and then...
Dragonyule Xander: Ah, but this was my plan all along.
Euden: That's incredible, Xander! You did an amazing job noticing their hidden talents.
Dragonyule Xander: Those who have given up on living simply stop noticing their own potential. Take you, for example.
Ruffian 2: M-me?
Dragonyule Xander: You are highly dexterous—which I could tell by how you handled your weapon so much better than your friends.
Ruffian 2: So ya had me make the furniture!
Dragonyule Xander: And you were the one who told the owner the seasoning was strong, yes?
Ruffian 1: Y-yeah...
Dragonyule Xander: That means your tongue is capable of discerning even small changes in taste; it's common knowledge such people make excellent chefs.
Ruffian 1: I 'ad no idea...
Dragonyule Xander: That leaves the one who first tried to pick a fight with me.
Ruffian 3: M-me?
Dragonyule Xander: You have courage, which is something you need when serving customers you've never met... But more than anything, you have a charming smile. I was certain people would warm to you instantly.
Ruffian 3: Oy, you're creepin' me out! Still, uh...thanks for all this, yeah?
Dragonyule Xander: You are quite welcome! Just make sure to stay on the right path from now on. Now let us go—there are still others who need my help! Ha HA!
Euden: Right. Let's keep up the good work!
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