Steely Dan

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“	You have to remember: in this world, you can only win if you truly understand yourself! In Aesop's fable, the tortoise beat the hare because it understood its own psyche and abilities better than anyone else. The same applies to me! I know I don't have the power or speed to fatally hurt either of you. Everything begins once you've acknowledged your own weaknesses!	„
	~ Steely Dan

Steely Dan is one of Dio Brando's assassins and a minor antagonist in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders. He uses the Stand known as The Lovers.

In Japanese, he was voiced by Mitsuaki Madono in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Heritage for the Future and by Daisuke Kishio in the anime. He was voiced by Grant George (who also voiced Gilgamesh in Fate/stay Night, Suigetsu Hozuki in Naruto Shippuden, Yamcha in Dragon Ball Super, Sikorsky in Baki, Uzu Sanageyama in Kill la Kill, Leon Kuwata in Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc and Elihas Starr in Avengers Confidential: Black Widow & Punisher) in the latter's English dub.

Biography[]

Steely Dan was one of the many stand users who worked as an assassin for DIO, and particularly was the one usually tasked with assassinating members of their organization who had gone traitor. He shows up in this capacity when the team visits Karachi, Pakistan with the captured Enya in tow. Dan appears in disguise as a kebab vendor wearing sunglasses and a keffiyeh. Enya recognizes him on sight in spite of his disguise and fearfully asks to know what he wants, knowing that if he's here it's because DIO thinks she betrayed him. Dan activates his stand's powers in spite of Enya's protests, tearing her head apart with tentacles. Enya's death throes cause her to stumble into sunlight at which point the tentacles disintegrate, telling the group that they must be from DIO. The man confirms this, and says that this is the mature form of the flesh buds, which would have eventually appeared and consumed Kakyoin and Polnareff's brains as well had they not been rescued by Jotaro.

Jotaro immediately attacks the man, but his punch somehow causes Joseph to be sent flying as well. Steely Dan explains that his Lovers is a small and weak stand but with a dangerous special ability: it can infest a human's brain, at which point any damage felt by Dan is amplified and sent to that person. Jotaro threatens to kill Dan too fast for him to feel it and send the pain to Lovers, but the others don't want to take the risk. Joseph, Kakyoin, and Polnareff flee from the scene while Jotaro stays behind to keep an eye on Dan.

As they run, Joseph explains his plan. Kakyoin and Polnareff will make their stands shrink to microscopic size and go into Joseph's brain as well. Joseph will use his stand, Hermit Purple, with a television set so they can see what's going on inside. They do as Joseph says and enter his brain, discovering to their horror that a mass of writhing tentacles is already growing inside Joseph's head while Lovers is kneading brain matter into goo and feeding it to the flesh bud. Polnareff's Silver Chariot strikes down the stand. As it dissolves, he remarks on the ease of their victory to Heirophant Green, however Kakyoin points out that the Heirophant Green which Chariot is talking to is a fake. The fake Heirophant dissolves into goo and morphs into Lovers. The original that Chariot sliced in two also reforms into two more Lovers. Countless copies of Lovers appear and attack from all angles.

The Lovers clones explain that Dan is well aware of his own weakness, but that knowing how to use his abilities properly makes up for himself. He who knows himself is sure to win, just like the tortoise and the hare. However, Heirophant Green corrects him: knowing oneself is important, but knowing one's enemy is more important still. As Lovers was gloating, Heirophant was stretching its tendrils throughout the area and had caught the real Lovers. The two attack, forcing Lovers to retreat, and Joseph destroys the flesh bud using his Ripple Overdrive move.

Meanwhile, Dan has been taking advantage of the situation to abuse Jotaro. He forces Jotaro to make himself into a human bridge across a ditch, and to polish Dan's shoes. He then forces Jotaro to try to steal a necklace from a jewelry store only to rat Jotaro out and get him beaten by the store-owner's friends. Throughout all of this Jotaro retains his stoic calm and even seems elated, as he says he's been keeping a list of everything Dan has done to him and is going to pay him back in full.

Just then, Dan's forehead splits open as Heirophant and Chariot's attacks hit the real Lovers. Dan immediately breaks down, sobbing and begging for his life, but this is only to buy time as Lovers returns. The stand prepares to enter Jotaro's ear canal, but Star Platinum snatches it out of the air and squishes it between his fingers. Jotaro explains that his Star Platinum has excellent eyesight and the speed and precision to catch bullets, and asks if Dan bothered to check on his opponents at all. Dan now begins begging again, saying that he was only bringing Lovers back and not attacking, and pointing out that Star Platinum crushed his arm and his leg. Dan begins licking Jotaro's shoes - something he had ordered Jotaro to do for him earlier - and so Jotaro calls him pathetic and agrees to let him go.

However, this turns out to be just one more trick. As soon as Jotaro releases Lovers, Dan sends it into the ear of a little girl who was playing with her friends nearby. He pulls out a knife and tells Jotaro not to move or else the kid will die horribly. However, as Dan prepares to stab Jotaro he finds that he can't move. Heirophant Green had actually had a tendril tied to Lovers' leg the whole time and has now bound it up entirely.

Dan starts to beg again but Jotaro stops him. Jotaro says that if Dan wants mercy he should ask for it from Enya, as Jotaro had never intended on sparing him, he just wanted to see how low the man would sink before he finished him off. Dan makes one last attempt at saving himself by offering to pay Jotaro all the money he got from DIO. Jotaro simply tells him that what Dan has done can't be paid back with money. Jotaro then proceeds to pummel Dan mercilessly for a half a minute straight. Finally, Jotaro tosses a paper at Dan's body, saying "Your receipt. Keep the freakin' change."

Powers and Abilities[]

“	The Lovers: Hehehehe... the world's weakest Stand is... All clones of The Lovers: The most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most, the most powerful of all!	„
	~ The Lovers arrogantly boasting.

Steely Dan's stand is The Lovers, a robotic, insectoid stand. Lovers is microscopic in size and possessing little speed or strength compared to other stands. However, Dan is an expert at using his stand and its special ability. Dan sends his Lovers into a person's ear and through the ear canal into their brain. Once infesting a human brain, Steely Dan and that person become connected. Any pain that Dan feels is amplified and redirected onto that person, such that a light hit to the leg can cause the other person's leg to go completely numb, while an actual beating will cause the other person to die from shock.

More dangerous still, as an agent of DIO, Steely Dan has been entrusted with microscopic spores capable of growing into flesh buds of the same type used to control Kakyoin and Polnareff, and to kill Enya Geil. Once Lovers implants one of these spores into a human's brain stem it can then work and knead the person's brain cells into a nutritious mush that it can feed to the flesh bud allowing it to grow to its full size and eat the person's brain within minutes instead of taking months.

Finally, Lovers can also work the kneaded brain tissue into a morphing ooze that can take on the shape of itself or another stand. Unlike other stands like Harvest or Bad Company, which actually exist as a single stand spread over multiple bodies, these are only remote-controlled copies and do not have the same abilities or connection to Steely Dan that the original stand has, however Lovers can use them to distract opponents and take cheap shots from multiple angles.

Steely Dan's one weakness is his pride. Because he spent so long mastering his own stand he became complacent in his belief that it would always win. He never bothers actually studying his opponents' abilities before attacking, which allowed Kakyoin and Jotaro to get the better of him.

Gallery[]

Trivia[]

Steely Dan's name is a reference to the American jazz rock band of the same name.
- Funnily enough, the band itself got its name from an eponymous steam-powered sex toy featured in the William S. Burrough novel Naked Lunch.
- Steely Dan's localized name, "Dan of Steel", seems to be a parody of Superman's moniker, "Man of Steel".
- In the original 2005 localization of the manga, Steely Dan was given the name "Rubber Soul" as a reference to eponymous The Beatles album, but that was changed in later translations as that name was already being used by another enemy stand user in the series.
Steely Dan's Stand, Lovers, is named after the 6th Tarot card of the major arcana, The Lovers, which, fitting its ability, represents the bond and connection between two people.
Between his abuse of Jotaro and Joseph, his willingness to hurt children, and his sleazy groveling at the end, Steely Dan is widely considered to be the most hated antagonist in the entire Jojo's Bizarre Adventure series.
Steely Dan suffers the longest beatdown by Star Platinum in the entire series, which lasts for three pages in the manga (roughly twenty seconds in the anime). This record is only surpassed by Cioccolata's beatdown by Gold Experience in Golden Wind, which lasts for seven entire pages (thirty seconds in the anime).

External Links[]

Steely Dan on the JoJo's Bizarre Encyclopedia

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