Stanley Zbornak

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“Hi, it's me, Stan.”

— Stan's catchprase

Stanley "Stan" Zbornak is a supporting character on the 1985 NBC sitcom The Golden Girls, and a guest star in its spin-off, The Golden Palace. He is Dorothy Zbornak's sleazy, sloppy, and rather annoying ex-husband, who walked out on her after thirty-eight years of marriage for a young stewardess he met on a business trip.

Stanley appeared in twenty-six episodes of The Golden Girls and one episode of The Golden Palace. He was portrayed by the late Herb Edelman.

Personality and Traits[]

According to many characters, including his own mother, Stan Zbornak is a yutz. He is childish, selfish and vain; even his own mother disliked him and pretended to pamper him to keep him from leeching off of her. Accentuating his cheesy persona was his thick mustache and an obviously-fake toupee, both of which disappeared after Season 2. The one good thing about his life was his marriage to Dorothy, which he threw away, an action he has lamented more than once.

Stan made several appearances on the show from time to time, usually showing up on the ladies' doorstep, whenever something had gone wrong in his life, when he needed money, and when he needed Dorothy's shoulder to cry on. Dorothy, albeit reluctantly, would usually offer advice or words of sympathy, with the occasional barb thrown in for good measure. Her roommates, Blanche and Rose, barely tolerated him, but Rose showed some kindness to him from time to time. On the other hand, Sophia was downright hostile to him, but she managed to deflate the oblivious Stan.

On numerous occasions, Dorothy also lamented his inconsistency at making love, namely his "timing". In fact, their first encounter, which resulted in their daughter Kate, was said to have taken only three seconds.

Though Stan was notoriously cheap, he made very extravagant romantic gestures toward Dorothy. The first time he proposed to her, it was in a very expensive restaurant where he placed a ring in the champagne glass, which she unknowingly swallowed. Many years later after they had been divorced, he proposed to her a second time, it was again at a restaurant, where he placed a ring in a hot potato. During their marriage, he had given her a mink stole, which was stolen but later recovered. For their thirty-eighth wedding anniversary, he spent $2500 on a ring, saying that he thought she deserved something "major" after being married to him all those years. When Dorothy later pawned off to pay for their joint back taxes after they were divorced, Stan bought back the ring for her. He pays off their back taxes by selling off his Corvette.^[1] When he becomes rich, he purchases her a Mercedes. There were several episodes, where we see Dorothy receiving bouquets of flowers from Stan. Stan also "purchases" Dorothy at a charity bachelorette auction for $500. In another instance, he gave back the $50 to Sophia, when she initially paid him to act like he's still Dorothy's husband for uncle Angelo.

Biography[]

Childhood[]

Stanley is the firstborn son of Yolanda Zbornak and her husband. He has a younger brother named Ted. He also has a cousin named Magda Yitchinson, who was a firm communist from Czechoslovakia. Even as a child, Stan was a failure, so his mother babied him and put him on a pedestal to help him cope with the world making fun of him.

One-Night Stan[]

During their senior year of high school, Stan asked the teenaged Dorothy Petrillo to their senior prom, and Dorothy accepted because she felt as if she could not do any better. Dorothy had too much to drink at the senior prom, and later had sex with Stan in a Chevy Studebaker at a drive-in movie. This conception allegedly happened while Dorothy was drunk, which Sophia blames on Stan's actions and peer pressure. Dorothy later claims she was unconscious and wonders if Stan "slipped" her something in her drink. In another episode, Dorothy recalls Stan guilting her into sex by claiming he was drafted to fight in the Korean War and could die in combat, and this would "mean so much".^[2]

Upon learning she was pregnant, Dorothy feared she may be a single mother should Stan die in Korea, and felt obligated to marry him given the circumstances. However, soon enough, Dorothy's father learned that Dorothy is pregnant and demanded Dorothy marry Stan as soon as possible. Dorothy tried to break things off with Stan before their wedding, but was unable to go through with it. One day, at Sophia's insistence, Dorothy went to a coffee shop to break up with Stan and found him necking with a waitress. Despite that, she was still unable to go through with it.^[3] The first time Stan proposed to Dorothy, he took her to an expensive restaurant and while she was in the powder room, he ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne and put an engagement ring in Dorothy's glass. When Dorothy returned, they toasted the evening and Dorothy downed the champagne -- and the ring -- in one gulp.^[4]

Dorothy and Stan dropped out of high school just shy of their graduation, which resulted in a shotgun wedding. "An Illegitimate Concern", sets their wedding date on June 1st, 1949,^[5] while "One for the Money" says the wedding occurred in May 1944,^[6] though that doesn't align with Dorothy's age in Season 1 and other episodes indicating she was still in high school in 1945 and 1946.

Marriage to Dorothy Petrillo[]

During their honeymoon to Miami, Florida, Dorothy and Stan bought property in the city and decided to move there.^[7] While married to Dorothy, Stan was a novelty salesman, albeit an successful one. In one episode, he becomes homeless and broke after he loses all his money in a bad deal. In contrast, his brother Ted Zbornak is a very successful doctor who owns a few mini-malls. Years later, they had a son named Michael, whom Dorothy would occasionally clash with due to the boy's habit of avoiding responsibility and reluctance to plan ahead.  

The Zbornak marriage involved many arguments and compromises, including years of struggle when Stan's business fails, but Dorothy later claims there were also many happy times together. Unknown to Dorothy until after their divorce, Stan would have numerous extramarital affairs with younger women. Among his most prominent affairs were his airheaded secretary who couldn't type. In 1957, Stan would go to a Greek diner for a bite to eat, where a waitress would repeatedly hand him a plate of rolls and ask if she could "butter his buns". One morning the waitress asked him the same question, sans the plate of rolls. The pair went to Atlantic City, and Stan told Dorothy that he was at a chain-linked fence retailers convention. Another time, he was in a bar next to the diner and had a few drinks with a woman, coming to the next day in a hotel with his toupee in his mouth.^[8]

At some point before their divorce, Dorothy and Stan fell on hard times and had to go ask his mother for a $500 loan. Stan left to pretend to make a phone call while Dorothy asked for the money, because he believed that his mother thought too highly of him and didn't want to ruin her perception of him. Though Dorothy told Stan that she wasn't able to get the loan, Yolanda had given Dorothy $1,000 cash under the condition that she never told Stan it came from her.^[9]

Thirty-Eight Years, Wasted[]

In 1983, Stan became attracted to a younger woman named Chrissy, an airlines stewardess he met on one of a business trip to Maui, Hawaii. The two had a one-night stand, and Stan chose to abandon Dorothy after thirty-eight years of marriage. He sent word of the divorce through a divorce lawyer rather than facing Dorothy himself. A furious Dorothy filed for divorce, and she and Stan were soon officially divorced -- after which, Dorothy's first post-divorce date was with the divorce lawyer.^[10] Dorothy got the house and their children in the divorce proceedings, while Stan ended up making off with the Frank Sinatra tickets he'd bought Dorothy for her birthday that year.^[11]

Stan made his first appearance on the show in the first season, attending the wedding of his and Dorothy's daughter, Kate. At this point, Dorothy was still extremely resentful towards her ex and confronted him after the ceremony to give him a piece of her mind. This stemmed from the fact Stan had decided to have his lawyer call Dorothy and tell her he was getting a divorce after leaving her, which Stan couldn't do face-to-face with Dorothy. This seemed to clear the air somewhat and Dorothy's hatred gradually softened into mild annoyance where Stan was concerned.^[12]

Eventually, Chrissy left Stan for a younger man named Jean-Paul and Stan sought Dorothy for comfort. He and Dorothy subsequently had a one-night stand, which Stan took to mean that they were getting back together.^[13]

Third Marriage[]

In a later episode, Stan gets engaged to a woman named Katherine, enlisting the ladies' help in buying an engagement ring for her. When Sophia gets hospitalized due to pneumonia, Stan became Dorothy's unlikely rock, comforting her and staying with her in the hospital, even demanding answers from Sophia's doctor when Dorothy was given the runaround. This makes Dorothy realize she still loves him. She tries to tell Stan on his wedding day but Blanche and Rose stop her. When Dorothy meets Stan's bride-to-be Katherine and finds her to be a nice person, she realizes her time with Stan was in the past and lets him go.^[14]

Stan and Katherine remained married until, at most, the events of "All That Jazz". Stan mentioned that he could never stay long at the Hacienda Hut as he was a chick magnet, and when Dorothy asked if Katherine knew, Stan dodged the question, implying that they have divorced.^[15]

ZbornCo[]

Mostly due to dumb luck, Stan became very wealthy and successful after inventing The Zbornie, a baked-potato opener. He became president of his own company, Zbornco, which took the Zbornie international, namely to Japan.^[16] Stanley's newfound confidence and self-respect made him more attractive to Dorothy, which led them to pursue yet another romantic relationship together. Eventually, Stan proposed to Dorothy a second time, taking her out to a fancy restaurant and hiding the ring in a baked potato. However, he tried to get Dorothy to sign a prenup just before the wedding.^[17]

After ruining his second wedding with Dorothy, Stan decided he would go to therapy to try to get some form of closure. He said if Dorothy joined him on a session it might help him get over her sooner. Dorothy reluctantly agreed, however, as soon as they started the session, Stan started begging Dr. Halperin to help them "put this crazy marriage back together." After being yelled at, Stan accidentally called Dorothy "Sophia" while trying to proclaim his love for her. Dr. Halperin reveals that Stan made the same slip-up in an earlier session and concludes that Stan really wants to be near Sophia -- who represents Stan's own mother, who passed away before the two of them could resolve things. After Dorothy lied to get Sophia to the therapy session, she reluctantly tells Stan the one time she loved him was when the newborn Michael Zbornak was being wheeled out of the hospital. She says she loved him for one moment, when there was a whole happy future in his smile.^[18]

Dr. Halperin eventually managed to get Stan to transfer his love for Dorothy to a fake monkey named Fifi, a traffic cone with carpeting and a monkey head. Stan developed such an attachment to the monkey that he didn't allow anyone to get near it, took it to play bridge, and even set it at a separate table with the other wives at a Japanese investment meeting. Dorothy resented the monkey because of his sick attachment to it, stating that she had to ride in the backseat because "Stan said the monkey called shotgun". As the final step in their treatment, Dr. Halperin suggests they spend two years apart, which Dorothy is thrilled about. This is short-lived, however, because a few days later Stan is found in bed with Dorothy's sister, Gloria, who was visiting after losing all her money.

Afterward, Stan is rarely seen until the final episode. When Dorothy was on the way to marry Lucas Hollingsworth, Stan posed as her limo driver and pulled over on the side of the road to ask her if she really loved her fiancée. When Dorothy says yes, Stan intimates that he will always love her and Dorothy says the same to him. He then takes her to the church "in style". He attended the ceremony and when the minister asked if anyone objected to this pairing, Stan almost did so but he decided to hold his peace. At that moment, he realized his place in Dorothy's life was at an end.^[19]

Supposed Demise[]

In an episode of The Golden Palace, Stan appears to be faking his death and and intends to move to Madrid to avoid taxes by the IRS. However, he is only seen by a grieving and increasingly-senile Sophia, and he conveniently ducks out of sight when anyone else is approaching to avoid being caught. Before he leaves, Stan gives Sophia a friendship ring and tells her he must go. Sophia tells him he's dead to her if he leaves, and Stan apologizes and walks out. As Rose and Blanche comfort her, Sophia cries that Stan is really gone. Whether or not Stan is truly dead is left ambiguous.^[20]

Career[]

For much of the series, Stan was a novelty salesman.

In Season 6, Stan became very wealthy and successful after inventing a baked potato opener, which he named The Zbornie. He became president of his own company, ZbornCo, which took the Zbornie international, namely to Japan.^[16]

Family tree[]

Quotes[]

To be added.

Appearances[]

The Golden Girls (1985-1992)[]

The Golden Palace (1992-1993)[]

Trivia[]

• When Rose asked Dorothy if Stan had ever given her a mink stole, Dorothy said he had not. This was later disproven in "Break-In", when Dorothy revealed that her mink stole was from Stan.
• According to Dorothy, the last time Stan sent her roses was when Harry Truman left office in 1953.^[21]
• In "The Audit", Stan mentioned that he was a member of The Rainbow Coalition, but it's likely that this was a lie to get the auditor to go easy on them.
• In his old age, he can still belch the chorus to "Sweet Georgia Brown" on one Dr. Pepper.

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