The officially released biographies for Gorillaz member, Noodle.

Phase 1

IRREPRESSIBLE. INSCRUTABLE. IRRESISTABLE, November 2000

Noodle arrived in a crate. She's a kick-ass riff-meister, the Asian Axe Princess. She doesn't speak more than a word of English, and that word is "Noodle." Martial Arts expert, little ice maiden, she looks at the world through unfased eyes. Usually found with Russel. Special zen bond with 2-D. Tickled by Murdoc's desperation. Irrepressible. Inscrutable. Irresistable. Likes: Power Puff Girls, Tamagotchi pets, Pokemon, Yo-yo's, her new radio headphone hat, rice and noodles. Age: 10. Influences: Haiku poetry, Lao Zi, Richie Sambora^W.^[1]

Jamie Hewlett's comments, August 2001

"She's the mysterious one. All she ever says is, Noodle. Originally she was called Paula. She had greasy hair and bad teeth and was a bit of a slut. I like Noodle better than Paula!"^[2]

FULL OF WISE WORDS AND LIGHT ACTIONS, November 2002

Always the most centred of the band, Noodle takes Gorillaz' success in her stride. For her, the world is the same big playground it always was, buying gadgets from around the globe and trading guitar licks with some of her biggest influences. Full of wise words and light actions she creates an atmosphere of childlike wonder in every new situation. Her joy is the moment but remember, "it is not wise to despise the snake for having no horns, for who is to say that it will not become a dragon?" With her burgeoning taste in lipstick, boob tubes, Justin Timberlake and Shaggy, she may well start breathing fire before our very eyes! Future projects: "I'm happy if band is big or small, if band make good music at right time that is where we should be." New best friends: Brian May^W and Samurai Jack.^[3]

Phase 2

What have they been up to? C’mon kids! Let’s catch up!!, March 2005

Plagued by silent nightmares and half-forgotten images, Noodle returned from L.A. to her homeland of Japan, to search for her past, the one she could never remember. Using a capsule hotel for her base, she trawled the streets of Tokyo for almost a year, following rumours of secret army bases and crack miniature troops. These snatches of stories seem to stir something within her.

They lead her to the open restaurants of downtown Hong Kong, where slumped in steamed fish shop, young Noodle accidently knocks over a tray of freshly cooked 'Ocean Bacon!'. (Recipe on website in Noodle's room.)

This unique and unlikely combination of words triggers a flashback of devastating consequence. She remembers everything! Suddenly out of the kitchen comes the chef and retired army officer, Mr. Kyuzo. It can't be! Noodle's mentor and trainer!

Re-united with Mr. Kyuzo, Noodle discovers she was one of 23 kids trained as part of an elite crack team for the Japanese government at a secret military compound. It was Mr. Kyuzo's "duty to train the children in every martial art including sonic warfare. He taught them all languages including sign and lip-reading. Computers, mechanics, Gameboys... Their skills were endless."

Noodle was the star pupil and the most favoured by Mr. Kyuzo. He also gave each child a special individual skill of their own. Noodle was taught as a musician. Her specialised instrument was guitar, but young Noodle was so gifted she became completely fluent in all instruments.

But it was as a junior fighting militia where the kids really excelled.

"No-one would ever suspect that these children were capable of such devastating destruction! Godzilla destroyed Tokyo maybe 100 times but this was nothing compared to what these kids could do when activated. It was ingenious!"

"When training the children there were three command phrases. One to remember who they were; their pasts and their training as soldiers. Another phrase to forget this information and all their military training. Useful if you are caught in battle behind enemy lines. And lastly one... one to turn her into the most devastating killing maching the world has ever seen! A wave of unstoppable fury that would last precisely one minute! Like a miniature atom bomb!"

BUT UNFORTUNATELY these tests were abandoned and the government proposed to "de-commission" all of these kids. It was Mr. Kyuzo who smuggled Noodle to safety in England. She was such a magnificent player, he sent her for an audition to what he believed would be the relative anonymity of a turdy English band (Who would have guessed, eh readers!)

But now, united once more with Mr.Kyuzo, she has re-discovered her past. Her memory is regained and her awesome skills are returned. She now even speaks fluent English !

More importantly she has remembered the importance of her true mission. The real reason for her training, and the reason why Kyuzo knew it would be Noodle that would play a role that would be of such significance! Time is of the essence and these are matters of great importance!

"GOD SPEED YOUNG WARRIOR!"

Noodle returns to Kong Studios to complete her unfinished business. It is time to re-unite Gorillaz and launch another killer Gorillaz album. The ammunition!

She has solemnly vowed not to reveal stage three of her mission until the time is right. Wisely, Noodle keeps her 'secret passwords' close to her chest in an envelope at all times.

God forbid the secret of these passwords should ever fall into the wrong hands. Like, say, erm, Murdoc for instance.^[4]

Gorillaz MTV Cribs, December 2005

Noodle: Guitarist & Asian Axe Princess
Place of Birth: Osaka, Japan
Age: 13^[sic]
Likes: Johny Thunders^W[sic], Richie Sambora
Arrived in a FedEx crate

Phase 3

The fab four as ‘Rillaz it gets, March 2010

PERSONAL INFORMATION
FULL NAME: "Noodle"
ALIAS/ALIASES: Unknown
HEIGHT: 5'0"
WEIGHT: 96.8 LBS
AGE: 20
INSTRUMENT: Guitar
CURRENTLY RESIDES IN: Unknown-currently Noodle is a cyborg replicant
VICES: None
PHOBIAS: Failure
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE: Guitar genius, kung-fu expert, centered, sensible, brave, and wise. The only stable member of Gorillaz.^[5]

Phase 4

About Noodle, March 2017

Pop - Japan
About Noodle: Noodle is the Gorillaz's feminist-anarchist-avenging-angel-intellectual-soul-sister-of-mercey

Hajimemashite! That means “nice to meet you” in Japanese. Noodle here from Gorillaz. Of course you know that, but I have to check, because recently I did a Facebook quiz called Which Member of Gorillaz Are You? and I got Russel! WTF? He doesn’t like octopus and he’s not even a Libra.

So I will set the records straight, as they say. I play guitar, sing and write songs. I am 5 feet 2 inches tall, wear size 36 boots and am trained in most medium and heavy caliber weaponry. My hobbies are hot yoga, quantum physics, manga, shoe design and online gaming (handle: EatMyRocketLauncher). My musical influences include Swarrrm, Sigh^W, Blood Stain Child^W and, um, Backstreet Boys^W (I know, I know, but I was just a girl).

Being in Gorillaz is like riding a roller-coaster every day: ups and downs, thrills, dizziness, some head-on crashes, and always a pile of sick somewhere. I was only 10 when I joined the band, despite England’s child labour laws. But it has been a good education. I’ve battled hell demons, killed zombies (when it was still cool), staged my own death and been replaced by a cyborg. A really cute one. At first I was jealous because Cyborg Noodle could shoot bullets from her mouth, but the experience taught me to be true to myself. I would say the best thing about being in Gorillaz has been the chance to see the world. The worst thing is Murdoc in the mornings. Or when he’s drunk. Or hungover. And also every other time of the day.

Even though I’m the youngest, you could say I’m the big sister of the band. I comfort 2D when he has a bad dream, and Murdoc when he has a bad trip. I calm Russell^[sic] down when he gets angry about the world’s problems. I have to remember to look after myself, though. Usually I make a bowl of okayu, a kind of chicken soup, or just oil my mini-gun. Both are very soothing.

Some say I can be cold. It’s not true—I just take a while to warm up to people. Maybe it’s because I was raised in a super-soldier program and never knew my parents. All those covert night ops meant no bedtime stories. But those skills saved my skin recently when I accidentally released a shape-shifting hell demon from a pearl shell. Oops, my bad. I tracked that monster across Japan, and finally, in his secret Tokyo crime den, I had him. In the heat of battle, I kept my head and fought bravely. He didn’t. So now I have his head. On a shelf next to my Hello Kitty alarm clock (vintage, quite valuable). I put a red bulb in the mouth, kind of like a lava lamp. It’s a conversation starter.

So you see, being in Gorillaz has shaped me into the woman you see today: a feminist-anarchist-avenging-angel-intellectual-soul-sister-of-mercy. Who also likes cute hamster butts (it’s a Japanese thing, Google it). Is that enough about me? I could go on, but I have to go terminate somebody. Only joking. I’ll just scare them a little bit. Kiss. 😡^[6]

Phase 6

Noodle takes the character select challenge, February 2020

Too much energy
Loves cats
Zen as fuck
Expert demon battler
Always Meditating
Amused by everything
Mysterious with many secrets
Oddly at home in tight spaces
Strength: Black belt karate
Weakness: Cats^[7]

Meet Gorillaz, December 2020

NAME: Noodle
PLAYS: Guitar
FROM: Osaka, Japan
EDUCATION: Super soldier school (juniors)
FAVOURITE COMBAT STYLE: Kenjutsu^W
PET PEEVES: Small talk, the phrase ‘pet peeve’
SOMETIMES MISTAKEN FOR: A cyborg
DO SAY: Konichiwa (then bow)
DON’T SAY: Ocean bacon
BEDTIME READ: Convenience Store Woman^W

Like a rock on the riverbed, unmovable even as the currents of chaos wash over her, Noodle is a natural peacemaker born into a life of conflict. The beating heart of Gorillaz, as well as its avenging angel, she's already fought enough battles to fill ten lifetimes, whether that's with ancient hell demons, or with Murdoc when he tries to trim his toenails with her samurai sword. Fearless, fiercely loyal, and ferocious if crossed, Noodle speaks only what needs to be said, savours silent moments and hates small talk. So try not to bore her.^[8]

IN-DEPTH PERSONALITY ANALYSIS - NOV 2004, December 2021

Target 3: Noodle (no other known names)

Observed behaviours: Keeps low-profile, often removed from the rest of subject G, speaks only when necessary. Sleeps regularly during daytime in sitting position wit legs folded, possibly narcolepsy. Proficient in close combat techniques - agent witnessed subject using jujitsu restraining hold on M.N.

Psych baseline: Impenetrable, enigmatic. Inconclusive. Key speech idioms from k.stud phone tap: no data, never answered phone.

Recommended: Propose N as first prototype for alt.ego: difficult to read + minimal speech = harder for observers to detect inconsistencies.^[9]

Phase 7

Fact Filez, March 2023

FACT FILE:
Noodle has come a long way since bursting out of a Fed-Ex crate and wowing the band with her demon-slaying guitar skills. These days the kid from Japan has grown up into the beating heart of Gorillaz - fearless, fiercely loyal and dangerous if crossed. Noodle speaks only what needs to be said and hates small talk. Fun fact - there is a cyborg assassin out there that looks just like her.

Cult Ranking: 10
Biggest Geek: 91
Most Loveable: 96
Superpowers: 100
Freakiness: 74
Studio Albums: 8
G Factor: 100^[10]

References