ETA: I really bounced around the idea of how to rate this book because the ending really messed up a good thing, but I decided to forgive it and rate ETA: I really bounced around the idea of how to rate this book because the ending really messed up a good thing, but I decided to forgive it and rate it high. However, after discussion with my friend, Emer, I realized that I shouldn't have been so forgiving because the messed-up part of things is really personal to many people. So, I've decided to change my rating out of respect for those women. You can read Emer's review here .
Original review:
First, I'm going to give you the warnings that I wish someone had given me, even though I should have read more reviews before reading. But, I'm lazy. Anyway, there is angst galore, the major problem in the book could have been cured by a conversation, and then something really bad happens. Nuff said.
The heroine is a girl that I could see really liking. She is snarky and fun, plus she has a mini dog named Stuntman Mike. So, I would even just like her for the dog.
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The set-up is that a girl and guy are falling for each other, but she has issues so she continually rejects him over and over again for the entire book. There is so much angst that you might want to consider taking a valium just to not get too wrapped up in their shit. And, then comes the crying. For you. Yes, she cries a lot too, especially for someone who never says she cries. Also, she plays head games with the guy a lot after she said she doesn't do that.... Hmmm, so she's kind of a liar. But, the point is, this is one of those books that will make you cry. No, not me. I'm dead inside. But you. You might cry. I was just sad for a bit - which is as close as I get. Luckily, I have a cure for sadness. It's called alcohol. You should try that sometime. It works!
That sounds bad, right? But, I still enjoyed the book overall because there were a lot of funny moments and I liked all of the characters. The writing was good, and the dialogue was good too. See? Good.
[image] Yeah, you guys don't have to deal with that kind of stuff with me. Everything is good.
Merged review:
ETA: I really bounced around the idea of how to rate this book because the ending really messed up a good thing, but I decided to forgive it and rate it high. However, after discussion with my friend, Emer, I realized that I shouldn't have been so forgiving because the messed-up part of things is really personal to many people. So, I've decided to change my rating out of respect for those women. You can read Emer's review here .
Original review:
First, I'm going to give you the warnings that I wish someone had given me, even though I should have read more reviews before reading. But, I'm lazy. Anyway, there is angst galore, the major problem in the book could have been cured by a conversation, and then something really bad happens. Nuff said.
The heroine is a girl that I could see really liking. She is snarky and fun, plus she has a mini dog named Stuntman Mike. So, I would even just like her for the dog.
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The set-up is that a girl and guy are falling for each other, but she has issues so she continually rejects him over and over again for the entire book. There is so much angst that you might want to consider taking a valium just to not get too wrapped up in their shit. And, then comes the crying. For you. Yes, she cries a lot too, especially for someone who never says she cries. Also, she plays head games with the guy a lot after she said she doesn't do that.... Hmmm, so she's kind of a liar. But, the point is, this is one of those books that will make you cry. No, not me. I'm dead inside. But you. You might cry. I was just sad for a bit - which is as close as I get. Luckily, I have a cure for sadness. It's called alcohol. You should try that sometime. It works!
That sounds bad, right? But, I still enjoyed the book overall because there were a lot of funny moments and I liked all of the characters. The writing was good, and the dialogue was good too. See? Good.
[image] Yeah, you guys don't have to deal with that kind of stuff with me. Everything is good....more
Hey, the day I don't like a book with a giant hedgehog that's a moody drama queen chef, just pull the plug. I assume there will be a plug somewhere. AHey, the day I don't like a book with a giant hedgehog that's a moody drama queen chef, just pull the plug. I assume there will be a plug somewhere. And, if that doesn't work, use the plug to beat some sense into me.
[image] Wait. I just found something else to live for. What magic fuckery is going on here? I need more time to examine it thoroughly. Leave the plug alone, you monsters!
Sean the werewolf is now an innkeeper, and I like his fresh point-of-view about the guests:
The koo-ko looked at us with purple eyes, fluffed up his feathers, and strode back and forth, his plump body rocking with each step.
Sean cracked a smile. "They are chickens."
"Technically they're not even avian."
"Dina, we're going to host 61 space chickens."
I gave up. "Yes."
"And they're going to argue philosophy."
"Mhm..."
Just when I thought I couldn't love Ilona Andrews more, they come up with philosophical space chickens (with foul-tempers BTW, or if you like puns: fowl-tempers. What? Yeah, hanging my head in shame now. Sorry.)
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Then, Sean's take on their chef, the giant Hedgehog, Orro:
Orro: "You will bring this Grand Burger to me and i shall make it. You will taste it and you will weep, for it will be the best Grand Burger to ever grace a human mouth."
He spun around dramatically and stalked off into the kitchen.
"We should get him a cape," Sean said.
Gosh, I love Sean. I think my hubs needs to take a lesson here. I say that I want to dye my dog's hair with blue jello mix and suddenly I'm "crazy" and "been in the house too long." I think Sean would be in agreement with me that this is a great idea. So the bathtub takes a hit and the kids look like Smurfs after bath time. It's not like anyone will see them.
Anyway. I'm in agreement with the cape idea.
So, this book was short and mostly just fun. There were, of course, bloody fight scenes, but they didn't bring down the mood from the chicken-party. Things definitely get wild at the chicken party. Chef Orro might just end up making a nugget tray or two if these crazy chickens keep up their fowl behavior.
The thing that I liked about this series is that it reminded me of a fun buddy-cop thing with the added bonus of hot boys kissing. The mystery and copThe thing that I liked about this series is that it reminded me of a fun buddy-cop thing with the added bonus of hot boys kissing. The mystery and cop stuff kept my attention and was fast-paced, and the boy on boy action satisfied my pervy sensibilities.
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The first book was all about the cop stuff while a romance was building. The angst was minor. Really fun.
The second one was focused a little more on this super-creepy serial killer wanting to hurt one of our guys. The angst-o-meter climbed a lot from the first book and relationship talks happened. Not quite as fun.
This third one decided to just go all in and break my angst-o-meter, along with throwing every single person that either of our heroes had met in their lives and their angst in there, and why not let the serial killer escape from prison - AGAIN?!? - because that happens all the time.
[image] I wasn't being sarcastic. It does happen all the time.
And, you know how in my first review I mentioned that you need to give a little bit of fiction-leeway to the heroes ability to heal quickly from gunshots and do things that are maybe not exactly humanly possible? Well, this one decides that since you have bought everything so far, they might as well have things happen that only go on in fever dreams.
Like, every murderer showing up at once?
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During the one time that one person was alone for one minute? I mean, sure, it's nice if all of the bad guys can coordinate their schedules to meet-up and kill the good guy together, but let's face it - it's not very realistic. I mean, come on. Try and get a group of people to see a movie together and see how easy it is to show up at the same time. If you have 6 people scheduled to go, I can guarantee that at least 2 will flake, 2 will show up late - but at different late times, one person will be early and wait an hour for everyone to show up, and at least one will go to the wrong theater and be constantly texting the early person to try and figure out where everyone is. It's like herding cats. So, you expect me to believe that a bunch of guys who want to murder the same person just so happen to show up in a 3 minute window of opportunity?
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But, in spite of that stuff, I still enjoyed the book for the most part. In all of the rambling mess of emotions and too-muchness, there were some funny quips and situations, and a few other good moments. Since there is only one left, I will read it. Then, I'm ready to move on. Maybe some shifter porn... I might be feeling that.
[image] Bunny-shifter menage porn? Okay. I can see me reading that....more
The hubs and I have been binge-watching Hannibal. You know, because I wanted to feel nausea every time I go to eat from now on. All of that eating witThe hubs and I have been binge-watching Hannibal. You know, because I wanted to feel nausea every time I go to eat from now on. All of that eating without feeling sick was getting old.
[image] No. You're making me sick, ya psycho! Get out of my head!
So, as usual, I go to read my smutty-bad-boys book after the hubs goes to bed - as a palate cleanser. But, NOOOOoo, this one has its own crazy psycho killer who wants to torture/kill/& maybe eat one of the heroes. I was not happy with this turn of events. I was as disappointed as when I had tried to microwave my first vegetarian meal earlier.
[image] Then I was nauseous and confused.
Thank God for chocolate! And alcohol! They give so much and ask so little.
But, even though there was some discomfort during the psycho's pages of the book, I still really enjoyed it because there was still great pacing, lots of action, and the couple's relationship is building. I am truly hoping the next book has more light moments though. My drunk, vegetarian ass needs a break, man....more
This is like a buddy-cop book with tons of action at every turn, if then the buddies turned around and realized they wanted to fuck. An action bromancThis is like a buddy-cop book with tons of action at every turn, if then the buddies turned around and realized they wanted to fuck. An action bromance with fucking.
[image] Come on, dude. You know you wanted a piece of a young, pre-racist, pre-crazy Mel Gibson.
Our bros are Miro and Ian. They are U.S. Marshals and have been partners for a few years. Miro is the gay, yet stable, one. Ian is the "straight" one who is a little unpredictable. A wild card. You know, the kind of guy that the chief has to yell at that he's outta control and he'll have his badge if he doesn't shape up?
[image] How else will he learn? Best buddy-cop movie ever.
There is not only one big case they need to solve, but there are many different things going on. Lots of marshal work, and lots of personal life. They are best friends and involved completely in each other's lives. Their banter, as cop-buddies, is great. They would make a fun team for a tv show or movie. They are also constantly being shot at, getting in crazy chases, and getting hurt. You have to suspend belief when it comes to how much they can do and still keep walking around to do it the next day. I have a feeling marshal work isn't quite as exciting as they make it seem.
[image] Or, maybe it is.
Once the straight guy realizes he might not be so straight, it gets pretty cute/sweet/mushy/sexy/smutty.
I really liked the book because of all of the action. I liked the cop part of things because it moved quickly. There weren't endless descriptions of fights or car chases, and it wasn't procedural where we waded through evidence and interrogations for ages either. The pacing was really good and kept things fresh. If you like gay romance and cop books, you will really enjoy it.
You know what sounds like the best part of living out in the woods, off the grid? Nothing. Nothing about this sounds remotely attractive. Not the dirtYou know what sounds like the best part of living out in the woods, off the grid? Nothing. Nothing about this sounds remotely attractive. Not the dirt, wild animals, lack of electricity, lack of toilets, lack of internet, lack of cell phones, lack of grocery stores and restaurants and cars and Netflix.... again - nothing sounds fun about living in this environment. And, they are in the Yukon so it is also constantly snowing and they have that whole thing where it's sunny all the time half the year and dark all the time the other. I mean, if I had to live like this I would hope that I just immediately get killed by a bear. Because bears will kill ya. First chance they get.
[image] Consider it done. I'll just play dead until a bear finds me if I ever get stuck off the grid.
So this series is narrated by Casey, a homicide detective who ended up moving to this place in the Yukon that is a combination of Witness Protection and jail. They will keep you safe from the people who were trying to kill you in your old life, only to put you in danger from new people who may or may not want to kill you in your new one. You might be living next door to a mob snitch, or an abused wife, or a serial killer. It's like a game. Guess which neighbor will kill you and eat you if they get the chance? The answer might surprise you!
[image] Oh, except for the bear neighbors. You don't need to guess where their heads are at.
This is why the town needed a homicide detective. Lots of murders for some reason. I mean, who'd have guessed that putting a bunch of victims and psychopaths together in a close environment without any comforts or basic distractions would result in killing?
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But, for Casey, this has been a good thing. She found her own mountain man husband and is living the good life. Well, as good as it could be considering. I mean, again, I can't emphasize enough how disgusting and boring their lives are. I mean, are they pooping in buckets? It's not mentioned, but there are no flushing toilets. Something is happening in the situation, and whatever it is is not good.
So in this one Casey finds a baby that is in the woods next to a dead woman's body. The woman has been murdered and the baby left to die. Oh, I should mention that she and her man were out further in the woods, camping, when they found the baby. Yeah. Camping in the snow. As a vacation from... what? All the distractions of no internet or cell phones? These people's only luxury in life is that they have a roof over their heads and they need to get away from all of that for a while?
Or, maybe they are just looking for bears. That would make more sense.
[image] It's better than their current entertainment. Which is nothing.
The book is spent looking for the murderer and the baby's family. It is complicated because although they live in a "town", there are many crazies ... no "crazies" is the right word... in the woods. It's teaming with them. Like a giant bear buffet. And, these crazies are not exactly... sane... as you can guess... so, tough witnesses.
[image] The craziness adds a little spice to the tacos.
Things move at a pretty slow pace sometimes in this book. Like when there are conversations or tasks being done that get a little boring. But, it's probably like a whirlwind to them. 'Wow, you're making coffee? Can I watch? Best reality show ever!"
There are other things that make up for that occasional slowness, though. This series is truly unique and so it's fun and unexpected most of the time. The H and h are also very likable characters. They are smart and sensible. (Wait, did I just say "smart and sensible" as good points? I should be a salesman. I'm missing my calling here.) The mystery unravels at a good pace and is twisty while being believable. Overall, I will read as many books as she puts out in this thing.
I might as well just admit that I have become a Nora Roberts junkie. I can't seem to make myself stop. It's like crack - or in my case - chocolate.
[imI might as well just admit that I have become a Nora Roberts junkie. I can't seem to make myself stop. It's like crack - or in my case - chocolate.
[image] I guess there are worse addictions. Look at how stupid the bird guy looks!
To like this book, you have to really really like remodeling/renovation shows. And, be willing to read all about it, instead of seeing it. It takes vision to read all about the furniture, flooring, fixtures, and paint colors of a room that is being built. And, maybe a little patience. Luckily, for me, I enjoy all things home-improvementy.
[image] I don't recommend this drinking game with this book. Your liver thanks me for helping you dodge that bullet.
But, even with me enjoying that kind of thing, I admit that there were some slow parts because of the endless descriptions of the building process - which is why I only gave it three-stars.
The guy in this book is Beckett, an architect and all around handy guy. He and his family have purchased an old hotel that they are renovating to be the coolest inn ever. Each room is named after a famous couple like Elizabeth and Darcy, Rochester and Jane, etc.... and , even cooler for Nora Roberts fans: there is an Eve and Roarke room!! Sure, it may seem gratuitous, but for those of us who read her books it is the best thing ever.
[image] *Super Ovaries Activate!!* Dammit. I just ovulated. I need to read some Kristen Ashley alpha-holes now to shrivel them back up.
The girl in our book is named Clare, and she is a widowed mother of three boys under the age of 10. Now, Clare is nice, Beckett is awesome, but these boys freaking steal the show. They are the most adorable things ever! It had me remembering my own adventures in raising little boys with their super-hero costumes and craziness. Everyone is always telling me how chill of a person I am (maybe not so much here - this is my venting place), and I think it's from raising boys. After a while, there is literally NOTHING that can shock you. Nothing.
[image] I knew the price I would pay for trying to use the bathroom without an audience.
One of the funniest, and best parts of the story is where Beckett is reaching out to Clare's boys and he goes back to tell his own two brothers (grown men) about how one of them said that he wanted little coffins to bury his dead action figures in after the superhero battle/war. The brothers get so into the idea, that he ends up bringing them personalized coffins with headstones that he hand-made out of wood. Of course, he's now a hero in their eyes. And, I have to say, that would have been a huge winner with my boys too. The hubs was always making them fake wooden swords, but they would have loved little coffins. Although.. they would have probably buried stuff in them that wasn't meant to be buried, like the car keys, my driver's license, the hamster... It was probably for the best. Still, the interaction between a man and children always get us ladies in the feels.
[image] Oh my gosh, the baby! That is so freaking cute!
By the end of this book, the inn is still not completely completed, so we will see if they finish it in the next one, where I guess another brother will fall in love....more
I love the premise of this series - a town in the middle of nowhere that is for supposed victims to hide-out and live peacefully. Our heroine, Casey, I love the premise of this series - a town in the middle of nowhere that is for supposed victims to hide-out and live peacefully. Our heroine, Casey, entered this world a couple of books ago and works as a cop in this town. Unfortunately, she soon learned that not everyone there is a victim or witness, some of them are the perpetrators of crime and are hiding from the law. And, see, that seems like a flaw in this town's structure to me. Call me crazy, but it seems like an obvious mistake.
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To make things worse, the people in charge decide to send our town a serial killer. They are supposed to house him for six months. No problem, right? Oh, and he's a sadistic, manipulative serial killer who looks like an innocent college kid and is telling everyone that he was set-up and is innocent. He's rich, so he can try to bribe people with money. He's good-looking, so he can try to manipulate women with flirtation.
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The fish should have been right. It's a fun idea. What it lacked in was execution.
Okay, so in our last book, Casey gets a puppy. The dog is 8 months old now and Casey has been training her. So far, that's fine. Cute dog in a story - cool. But, no. Not cool. The damn dog becomes such a focal point in the book that it's ridiculous. There is one scene where the dog runs off and Casey is chasing it. That scene lasts for like a hundred thousand pages. Just relentless page after page of the dog running and her thinking about all of the mistakes she might have made in training it, and worrying about what might happen to it. I started considering gouging my eyes out to stop reading about something so fucking boring and stupid.
And, yes, I know there have been many successful books in the past about the special bond between dog and owner, but that is NOT what this book is supposed to be about!
What I wanted: More serial killer. Less dog.
[image] Just like Becca, the author didn't know when it was enough already.
I have to think that if I, a dog lover, got sick to death of the dog stuff in this book, how much worse would it be for cat people? I think they might just set themselves on fire to get away from this book.
[image] WORST BOOK EVER.
Still, I like the town and idea of the book, so I enjoyed the non-dog portion of the story. Is it worth it? Only if you really liked the first two....more
You get to see photos of my doggos. They are the most awesome dogs ever. All other dogs should be ashamed and bow in their presence.
[image] Okay, maybeYou get to see photos of my doggos. They are the most awesome dogs ever. All other dogs should be ashamed and bow in their presence.
[image] Okay, maybe they aren't exactly boundless balls of energy anymore, but this works for my book-reading lifestyle.
This is Sunny: [image]
This is Cocoa: [image]
This is Tinkerbelle: [image]
This book was made for dog-lovers. Our heroine is Fiona, a dog-trainer with three Labs who are almost as awesome as my dogs. Almost. So, we get lots of dog-training advice, along with funny doggy personalities. She meets our hero, Simon, when he gets a lab puppy that he aptly names Jaws.
"Since we were here last, he’s tried or succeeded in eating a TV remote, a pillow, an entire roll of toilet paper, part of a stair tread, most of a bag of barbecue potato chips, two chairs and a mallet"....
“You should try crate-training him.” “I got a crate. He ate the crate."......
"I think maybe he’s brain-damaged, or just psychotic.”
This all sounds about right. I lost so many shoes when my labs were pups that I tried to start a new style of wearing unmatching shoes. It didn't work.
[image] Great. He's the only one who gets me? I feel a shame-spiral coming on...
Fiona was the survivor of a serial killer and now someone else is copycatting the killer. He intends to kill Fiona and succeed where his idol failed. But first, he's got a lot of warm-up killing to do, you know, because it would have been too easy if he had started with her. Now, she knows he's coming. (I thought serial killers were supposed to be smart killers?)
[image] At least he will have a close shave after removing the tape.
So, we have the serial killer thing going on while Fiona and Simon are falling in love. And, it took me a while to warm-up to Simon. I like sarcasm, but I also like men who are ... oh I don't know... NICE to women. And, Simon was a total ass at first. He tells Fiona that he doesn't find her attractive, is rude as hell, and then calls her bitchy when she is freaking out over the serial killer thing. I spent the first half of the book planning his painful neutering. Because, yeah, like other idiotic men-children, he didn't want to neuter his dog. Grow the fuck up! And, grow a pair... or extract a pair. You know what I mean. Men and their testicles.. sheesh...
[image] I don't get why you guys even like those things. They seem inconvenient. Also, apparently itchy?
Luckily, as the book went on, I started to appreciate Simon's grouchy sarcasm. I can appreciate the fact that he considered having a door-knocker made that said "Fuck off" in Irish. Personally, I don't have a mat that says Welcome on my doorstep because that would be lying.
[image] That works.
Along with the mystery, romance, and dog training, we get times when Fiona takes her dogs to do search and rescue missions. She is part of a team of people with dogs, but she always seems to be the one who finds the lost person. I guess they don't really need all those other people at all. And, what the hell is wrong with those other dogs? Are they just a bunch of losers?
[image] Yeah, I'll take a dozen of those too.
This book was fast paced and entertaining. Fiona is very likable and easy-going. Simon is like Oscar the Grouch. And, the dogs were the best part of the book.
“I find myself fascinated by a man who admits to enjoying fairy tales and uses the word "impinge"- barely misses a beat while indulging in a brief “I find myself fascinated by a man who admits to enjoying fairy tales and uses the word "impinge"- barely misses a beat while indulging in a brief girl-on-girl fantasy. "
You and me both, sister! If you are shopping for a new book boyfriend to add in to your giant book boyfriend harem, have I got the man for you!
His name is Ford, but I'll allow it, and he writes and draws graphic novels and has a cool dog that kind of gives me this idea:
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Ford lives across the road from Cilla, our heroine, who has just moved in to fix up an old house that used to be owned by her grandmother. Cilla agrees with me about the man and dog:
What did her hot-looking neighbor and appealingly ugly dog want now?
The feeling is mutual. Ford takes a look at Cilla, holding a sledgehammer for demo, and immediately starts drawing her as a super-hero. I'm totally jealous. I want to be a super-hero. Unfortunately, I would probably be more like this:
[image] Hair high, boobs low. Gravity is a fickle bitch!
Ford falls for Cilla, but she is very gun-shy about relationships.
You're serious. You're serious about friendships, about your work, your family. You're serious about Star Wars, and your active dislike of Jar Jar Binks---"
"Well, God. Come on, anyone who---"
"You're serious," she continued before he went on a Jar Jar rant, "about living your life on your terms, and being easygoing doesn't negate that one bit. You're serious about what kind of kryptonite is more lethal to Superman."
"You have to go with the classic green. I told you, the gold can strip Kryptonians' powers permanently, but---"
Holy shit!! Someone who feels as strongly about Jar Jar as I do! I really, truly, never thought I would see the day. And, I have proof!! Anyone who has read my reviews for a while have witnessed my Jar-Jar hatred! It's documented!!
^Just one example from over a year ago. I have more. Many many more. My hatred of Jar-Jar runs deep AND wide.
[image] Stupid Jar-jar. Even thinking about him gets me stabby.
*shaking it off*
This story is a lot of fun for anyone who watches HGTV as well. I found myself looking up "zinc countertops" and "waterfall edges" during her construction phase. My hubs is in construction so he has had to ban me from watching those fixer-upper shows. Once, after watching too many, I took a sledgehammer to our fireplace.... it turned out great! eventually. After he worked really hard...
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My husband deserves a reward for every time I've shown him drawings of a new idea I had for a part of the house and he spent tons of sweaty hours making it happen for me. But, at the same time, it is probably good for him - all the exercise and stuff. So, maybe I deserve the reward. Yeah, probably me..
Anyway, back to the book! There is also a mystery, along with renovations and romance in this book, and yes, I figured out who it was as soon as they were introduced. It was just a feeling I had. I think that if you read a mystery writer's novels often enough you start to get a sense of who they are going to have as the bad-guy. I've read over 50 Nora Roberts books. I should probably have a sense of where she hides her stash of emergency chocolate. I know she has one. Don't all moms have one?
[image] Aw, you really ARE perfect, aren't you? Wait. How do you feel about Jar-Jar Binks and building me a mailbox that looks like a little house?
Well, have fun reading this book. It's pretty fun. I need to end this rambling review now because I just got inspired to draw up plans for a little house shaped mailbox with its own little mailbox! How adorable will this be??? I think I might go wake up the hubs to tell him about it....more
It's got things I usually don't like: insta-love, cheesiness, super obvious things that take the characters forever to figurI love this series! [image]
It's got things I usually don't like: insta-love, cheesiness, super obvious things that take the characters forever to figure out... But, none of that matters when I get caught up in the adorable, funny, cuteness.
In this story, we have our elf-girl, Gwen, getting kidnapped by a dragon. Another dragon rescues her and she names him "Puff".
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When she arrives at this new kingdom, the general of the army there convinces her to stay and help their people because they have a problem with the queen going crazy. Crazy queens - what else is new, amIright?
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Soon, like really really soon, she and the general are falling in love.
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The next book is going to involve a bunch of elves, I think, so I'm totally IN! I love everything elvish!
They did it again! How does Ilona Andrews manage to write magic? Hugh & Elara are both awesome!
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It starts with an alliance through marriage. They They did it again! How does Ilona Andrews manage to write magic? Hugh & Elara are both awesome!
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It starts with an alliance through marriage. They hate each other in the best possible way and show it through snark, sarcasm, name-calling, and threats. It's awesome!
[image] It must be love!
His people are desperate for money, food, shelter. Her people are desperate for protection. Of course, he's still Hugh, and her people may not exactly fall in love at first sight with him.
"We should poison him," Savannah said.
"Why do you always want to poison people?" Dugas asked her.
"I don't want to poison people. I want to poison d'Ambray."
I just love a character who can inspire such strong murderous tendencies in otherwise peaceful people.
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If you are a Kate Daniels fan, you need this book. There are a few characters who show up from Kate's group, and there is a lot of talk about Kate.
If you aren't a Kate Daniels fan, this book will make no sense to you. You will be like an old lady at a fuckerware party - confused, but still a little turned on, although you're not sure why..
[image] Oooh, how do I get invited to one of these? If I throw a party do I get a premium kidney as a hostess gift?
We are introduced to a ton of new characters and they are awesome because they have some very cool magic skills. I'm looking forward to this as a series. I've even picked out who I want the next couple to be.
I don't want to spoil too much, but if you are a fan of Kate Daniels, go and get this book. You need it....more
Oh, yeah! I won this book in one of those goodreads giveaway. But, don't worry, my stars cannot be bought. Even for free stuff. I am un-bribable. AlthoOh, yeah! I won this book in one of those goodreads giveaway. But, don't worry, my stars cannot be bought. Even for free stuff. I am un-bribable. Although.... if someone wanted to TRY and bribe me, you never know.... so don't let this stop anyone from trying to give me a bunch of goods and services in hopes of getting on my good side. I like chocolate and sparkly things...
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So, why the 5-stars with only a free paperback book as the bribe prize, that also happens to have the smallest print on the face of the earth? Come back, Kindle, I love you! And, WTH?? This isn't the bible! Is it the less paper and ink you use, the cheaper to print? Well... I guess that makes sense.... still. I read a book a day, man. My eyes are ready to tell me to go fuck myself and make an escape the next time I roll them. And, that is a lot! So, bring on the larger font!
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This book is so much better than the cover or title suggests. I read a review by Umaiya that says that it reminds her of an old-school romance in a way because of its charm, and I agree. There is a certain amount of insta-love, heroism, special snowflake, easy resolutions, etc... in the story, but you never mind them because the book has an overall good feeling. I was all smiling and chuckling as I read. There might have even been a couple of Aww's because of the cute/sweet. In other words, I became an idiotic, insufferable gusher. I hated myself for a minute there.
[image] I almost had to poison myself.
But, look at this exchange when our heroine, Luciana, asks her ghost-twin/sister, Tatiana, to spy for her to find an assassin:
"Tatiana, you could find the assassin!"
"Oh," Her eyes widened. "Y-you really think I could?"
"You could save Father's life. You could be a hero."
With a shy smile, Tatiana curled a lock of hair around her finger. "Yes, I suppose I could." Her eyes lit up. "Why didn't I think about sneaking into the barracks before? I could watch the guards taking off their clothes!"
"Wait a minute. Don't forget your mission."
Don't worry, Tatiana comes back with all sorts of information....
"Do you know who the assassin is?"
"No. But I discovered I've been wrong about something for years. I've always thought that the bigger a man was, the bigger his male....part would be. But that's not actually true."
Lusicana's mouth fell open.
"I know." Taitana nodded gravely. "I couldn't believe it either, so I made a point of studying as many men as I could-"
"That's enough!"
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Gotta respect a fellow scientist.
So, you see, smiling and chuckling WILL happen while you read this. The world is a fantasy world with all kinds of critters including elves and dragons. There is a map at the beginning of a book, which is usually a big red flag to me. I am not a fan of having to cross-reference when I read, so if there are glossaries, maps, lists of characters to keep them all straight, pronunciation guides, etc... I am reluctant. I want to get lost in a book, not need to stop every page to look shit up. It's not a freaking dissertation. Also, I'm not a man. Maps, routes, flags, magic, and weather don't hold some magical power over me.
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This is why I usually prefer Urban Fantasy. But, in this case, the magical world helped the book have that fairy tale feel that made it so appealing.
The main characters are both likable. He is OTT heroic with a super-power that makes him unable to be hugged.... .awww. She is an ex-orphan who is sweet and innocent and will sacrifice herself for the father she just met.... adorable...
Now, I'm not going to mention that this same father KNEW she was alive in an orphanage the whole time and that he kept her twin sister with whom he lavished love and gifts upon.... AND that he only came to get Luciana in order to save his own ass and would have left her in the orphanage to rot if not for the twin sister dying.... Nope, not going to mention those things.....
[image] I eventually forgave him.
The characters are all likable, there is plenty of action, and the romance is cute. The whole book has a fairy-tale feel, but has modern humor. I'm excited to read the rest of this series as it comes out....more
[image] The monkey is right. It was fine. Not life-changing or anything, but okay.
But, sheesh, talk about uHuh. It was cute and had some funny moments.
[image] The monkey is right. It was fine. Not life-changing or anything, but okay.
But, sheesh, talk about unrealistic, "out there", not-in-a-million-years would this happen stuff. There was a lot of crazy things going on in this story. Even so, I could give it points for never getting boring.
[image] Okay, maybe it wasn't THAT crazy, but still....more
"I cannot believe I died in a tragic Ultimate Frisbee accident."
Yeah, that'll happen sometimes. It's why I avoid sports.
Our heroine is Meagan, who"I cannot believe I died in a tragic Ultimate Frisbee accident."
Yeah, that'll happen sometimes. It's why I avoid sports.
Our heroine is Meagan, who becomes a vampire after dying in this most awesome way. I really hope I can go out in a cool way too. I want my death to be so ridiculous, outrageous, and funny that people will have a hard time keeping a straight face at my funeral.
[image] This has potential!
Meagan also accidentally turns Ben into a vampire, so the two of them are stuck together learning how to be vampires at Jane Jameson's house. You might remember Jane from her series, which was hilarious. She died by being shot by a drunk hunter who thought she was a deer. So, yeah, another decent death. I have death-envy of these people.
[image] I like this one too. So many options. I feel like a kid in a candy store!
This book was hilarious, especially if you have read the previous series and books in this one. Molly Harper writes the funniest crazy antics and snarky lines ever. I highlighted so many funny quips that my ebook is basically yellow now. So, instead of typing them all out for you, I have decided to type out none of them for you. I'm lazy.
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I'll just say that if you want a light, silly, funny vampire rom-com, you should definitely get your grubby little hands on this series....more
"All right. Who fucked up and started Ragnarok again?"
I've developed a love for Norse Mythology in the last couple of years. It is crazy, super co"All right. Who fucked up and started Ragnarok again?"
I've developed a love for Norse Mythology in the last couple of years. It is crazy, super complicated, bloody, and very funny. Much like this series. It is the bloodiest, and yet funniest, smutty romance I have ever read. I absolutely love the insanity.
And, every single character is insane. It's refreshing,really.
[image] Yes, there IS a crazy squirrel who keeps starting shit.
This is book three in the series, and I have to warn anyone coming in that you will be totally lost if you haven't read the first two. It was even a little tough to remember enough details to not be confused at first when I did read them all. The author doesn't do any recapping. And, honestly, I appreciate that. There are certain series that do so much recapping in their later books that I feel like I want to stab someone in the eyeball to make it stop. Remember that vampire series about Ethan and Merit (Merrick?... whatever)? By the end, more than 75% of each book was recapping. If someone hasn't read any of the books, are they really going to start the series at book 10? If so, they deserve to be lost.
[image] It's like when my hubs tells me not to bother hitting the pause button while he pops into the kitchen, but then cooks a ten-course meal or something and misses an hour of the movie, and comes back and says "what happened?" Who is that guy?" Why is she mad?"
[image] I have them on speed-dial.
And speaking of gouging out eyeballs.. there seems to be an inordinate number of eyeball-stabbings in this book. I have to say, I approve of this. There aren't nearly enough eyeball-related injuries in your average book, and from what my parents always told me, it's very easy to lose an eye. I guess with Odin being their god and all, they understand the eyeball vulnerability problem better than most.
[image] "No, really. I can't tell at all. It looks totally natural!"
So, Ragnarok is coming (that's the end of the world/apocalypse - Norse Style), and the only way to stop it is to send a crazy girl out to another world to defeat a dragon to get the enchanted sword to kill the angry goddess. No problem.
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Erin is our girl. She is one of those girls who makes trouble and then laughs her ass off at the results. She takes nothing seriously and has the ability to piss people off to the point of wanting to kill her soon after she meets them. I like her. She's my spirit-animal.
She also has a tendency to get shot in the head a lot. It's lucky for her that it doesn't kill her.
[image] It's just a flesh wound.
Stieg is our guy who is lucky enough to get Erin as his love-interest. She annoys the crap out of him.
"It amazes me that more people haven't shot you in the head."
"That's mean! People love me."
"Imaginary people?"
Erin is a hard-core smartass, so she should have a love-interest who loves to laugh and who cracks up at her jokes, right?
Um, no. Here is Erin's friends describing Steig:
"He always looks like he's working the customer service desk at the DMV."
"I always thought he looked like a postal worker who's about one write-up away from losing it completely."
That's some serious Resting Bitch Face! On a man!
But, they make an adorable couple who are heading out to their own certain deaths to try and stop a coming apocalypse that is totally unstoppable.
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This series is great fun and I'm really glad that the author was able to put a little tease at the end to show us that even if this storyline is over, there is more to come....more
Truth is, I think naked men are kind of strange looking what with their doodles and ding-dong hanging loose like they do. Nevertheless, there's theTruth is, I think naked men are kind of strange looking what with their doodles and ding-dong hanging loose like they do. Nevertheless, there's the curiosity thing. I guess it's another one of those car crash experiences, where you feel compelled to look even if you know you'll be horrified.
And, this is the mindset of the girl who has two major alpha men after her? I'm not saying that I disagree with the awkward boy-parts thing, but Stephanie has to be the most un-sexy girl I have ever read. She's probably the type of girl who the guy can only tell if she orgasms because she drops her nail file for a moment.
So, we have the usual crazy shenanigans, insanely fun characters, and lots of car mishaps in this book. Stephanie doesn't seem to be getting any better at this bounty hunter job. She is, however, really good at making people mad enough to want to kill her. And, her apartment seems to be the easiest place to break into in the world. In this one, she has two old guys breaking in all of the time. They are nice though. They bring her gifts and do her dishes. Considerate burglars are the best kind.
As for her relationship with Morelli? Well, it's gotten kind of sticky. Somehow, everyone thinks they are engaged and it keeps snowballing as people actually expect them to get married. Stephanie's mother convinces her to try on wedding dresses and her grandma is renting a hall. I see a shotgun wedding that will involve both Stephanie and Morelli being led to an altar at gunpoint.
"My mother and grandmother showed up and next thing I was trying on gowns."
"You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep in the gown one day and say we were due at the church in an hour."
Yeah, I could see this happening...
But, of course Janet Evanovich is a sadist and is determined to make our Stephanie as unlucky in love as she is in automobile ownership. That's all I will say...
Seriously? I want Stephanie's metabolism! Where do I sign up for this? If I had an eight-doughnut This was shaping up to be an eight-doughnut day.
Seriously? I want Stephanie's metabolism! Where do I sign up for this? If I had an eight-doughnut day, I would have the get the word "Goodyear" tattooed across my ginormous body.
[image] Also the only way to get me to sporting events.
So, another day, another dollar. If Stephanie can bring in a crazy lunatic that keeps trying to set her on fire. And, if she can lose the newest guys who are following her around town. Plus, she has to hope that her new dog, Bob, doesn't just eat her paycheck. He eats everything else.
"That's funny," Lula said. "Didn't you put those nuggets on the bucket lid? I can't find that bucket lid anywhere."
We all looked at Bob. He had a small piece of cardboard stuck to his lip.
I have a dog like that. Around Christmastime, it looks like we own a unicorn because of all of the colored poop in the yard. I swear she's half goat.
[image] That sounds about right.
The other problem is that Ranger, Steph's friend and mentor, is accused of murder and she's trying to help him sort things out. Ranger has a habit of showing up in Stephanie's apartment in the middle of the night to get status updates. Bob isn't much of a watchdog either, because he doesn't even wake up when Ranger breaks in. Or, when the multitude of other people break in to her apartment. It seems like everyone can pick a lock except Stephanie. She really is a terrible bounty hunter. Hilarious, outrageous, and madcap. But, terrible.
Ranger: "Nothing is ever simple with you. Men blow themselves up. Cars get flattened by garbage trucks. I've been in full-scale invasions that have been less harrowing than meeting you for coffee."
Joe: "You know, when you're a cop you get to a point where you think you've heard it all," he finally said. "You think there's nothing left that could surprise you. And then you come along, and it's a whole new ball game."
Well, at least she's never boring. Even on a slow day there are at least some cars exploding around her.
So, this book is just as fun and crazy as the rest. I feel like I am really getting to know all of these wacky characters, but then new ones are always coming in. And, although there are always the expected things, like car mishaps and an eating disorder, it hasn't yet gotten old to me. I still find myself laughing ever few pages. I will keep going on the series until I stop.
As a bonus, here is a picture of my two labs. The chocolate is the one who eats everything.
So, you see the cover, with ab-man and the foreboding dark birds behind him. And, our story starts with Kera, our heroine, becoming a mythological CroSo, you see the cover, with ab-man and the foreboding dark birds behind him. And, our story starts with Kera, our heroine, becoming a mythological Crow whose job is to work for the Nordic goddess Skuld as an assassin.
“For they are the Crows,” he intoned solemnly, “and they are the harbingers of death.” [image]
Now, you are thinking, this is a dark urban fantasy book with Nordic mythology as its basis, right? Well, you'd be wrong. Really really wrong. Because, somehow, with this premise, along with tons of battles, bloody deaths, human sacrifice, and tons of gore, this book is actually hilarious. It's got a silly comedic thing going on with insane and funny dialogue. It's absolutely nothing that I was expecting.
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First off, we have stupid characters. I'm not talking about stupidly-written characters, I mean they are just not that intelligent - none of them. We have a group of women - the Crows, and a group of men - the Ravens, who are kind of like the male counterparts to the Crows. They act like a really bad sorority and fraternity with the maturity level of college freshmen. But, it would have to be a pretty bad college because these people would never be admitted to a decent university.
Kat started to drag the new girl back into Vig's house. "No more painkillers and tequila!" she ordered. "That was disgusting," Rolf complained. "I hate watching cute chicks vomit. It totally kills their cute."
See? You could hear that exact conversation at many frat parties every weekend.
[image] ummm, what is it intended for?
So, Kera was a former Marine who was killed by some jerk behind her job at a coffee shop. Her favorite customer, some homeless guy, saw her dying and called out to the goddess Skuld to save her. Skuld saved her, but Kera would only commit to serving Skuld if she would also be allowed to bring her dog, Brodie. This brings us the most epic dog in book history. Because, not only does Skuld save Brodie, but she makes Brodie a Crow as well. And, let's just say that it is the best thing ever... because Crows have wings....
"What the holy fuck?"
"Keep your voice down," Annalisa whispered.
"Keep my voice down?"
Brodie stood and walked from one side of the kitchen to the other, wings up, head held high. There was even a little prance to her step.
"What is with this dog?" Erin demanded. "She's acting like a stripper with new tits."
"She's proud," Annalisa said.
[image] That's right, you work it, girlfriend!
And, it turns out that the "homeless guy" that helped Kera get her second life as a Crow wasn't homeless at all - he is a Raven with a crush on her. She thought he was a homeless veteran who needed her help - a mentally ill homeless veteran.
His name is Ludvig, Vig for short, and his sister, the Valkyrie, Kat, was trying to cheer him up. At least he saved Kera's life so she owes him. Right?
"You need to see the positive side."
"What positive side?"
"Now she knows that you're not mentally ill, which means you need a little fixing up. Women love to fix up shit...At first, she'll be hanging around you trying to figure out how to pay that debt off, and that's when you'll wheedle your way in."
"I don't want to wheedle."
"There's no shame in the wheedle."
"Really? Because I feel like there should be a little shame."
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Okay, that cracked me up. If you are a Seinfeld fan, you get why it cracked me up.
There is just hilarious banter, crazy situations, quirky characters, and surprisingly explicit sex galore in this book. It is like a very mixed bag of genres mashed together to create this strange, but fun book. I think it's definitely going to be a 'love it' or 'hate it' kind of thing. I am in the "love it" category.
This is based in a very unique world where there are supernatural creatures - but they are actually aliens, and "Inns" (planetary rest-stops) that areThis is based in a very unique world where there are supernatural creatures - but they are actually aliens, and "Inns" (planetary rest-stops) that are sentient. A hotel for the creatures that your average human has no idea exists.
[image] Pretty much..
Dina is our hero. She is in her 20's and is an Innkeeper. This means she runs the bed & breakfast for intergalactic monsters and takes care of their needs. She has only one guest, Caldenia, who is some sort of alien royalty who kills and eats her victims. And Funyuns. Gotta have the Funyuns. I can relate.
[image] I know what I'm going to be singing all night. And, now I want Funyuns.
We start our story with a dead dog. There have been several dead dogs in the neighborhood and Dina is tired of it. She knows that a werewolf recently moved in and that this is another creature threatening his territory and taunting him. She lets the werewolf, Sean, know that she is tired of waiting for him to take care of the problem and that she's stepping in. Also that she knows he is spending his nights peeing all over the neighborhood to mark his territory. I'd say it's a werewolf thing, but as a woman who lives with three grown men - it's just a man thing. They pee everywhere. You, unfortunately, get used to it.
[image] It still won't work. Nice try, though.
Sean completely disregards her - a small human woman - and learns very quickly that things are not what they appear to be. They decide to work together, and then some vampires get involved, so they end up a threesome. In crime-stopping. This book has no smut. Not even the slightest hint of an inkling of smut.
The story was pretty good, but the world-building was great. Really original stuff! The whole thing with the sentient inn was very imaginative and entertaining.
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