Bear, Otter, and the Kid Quotes

“You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“There's nothing like being admonished by a nine-year-old ecoterrorist in training.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I’ll never understand why people just won’t let others be who they are. It’s not like it’s affecting them in any way”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you here because when you're not here, I don't have a home.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don’t lead cows to slaughter!
I love you, and I know
I should’ve told you soon-a
But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You can’t tell a little kid that you swear to God over something and then not do it. You may effectively ruin my childhood.” He looks off into nothing, a wistful expression on his face. “Gosh, think of the therapy bills. Not to mention how I’ll probably never be able to have a normal relationship when I’m an adult. I’ll live with you forever and become a cat lady.”
I cock an eyebrow at him. “You hate cats.” He rolls his eyes. “Well, yeah, now I do. But I won’t have a choice. It’ll be inevitable. And I’ll probably have to throw birthday parties for my feline companions where I bake them cakes out of
Fancy Feast. All because you went back on your God swear.”
― TJ Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“If someone can care about me that deeply, despite all my faults, despite all my refutations, despite all my everythings, then that makes all the storms and all the oceans worth it.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“The fight for you was all I've ever known.”
― T.J. Klune , Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“It’s not like I tease people with the things I’m doing,” the Kid continues. He deepens his voice. “Coming soon, I may or may not go outside. What will I choose? Find out… in another month.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Bear. It’s always been you. It will always be you. I love you, and that’s why it will always be enough.”
― TJ Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I know that," the Kid says smartly. "Some people are just not meant to be together. But that doesn't mean you can't love them.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“There are enough people out there that will be more than willing to knock you down. There's no reason for you to do it to yourself.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.

This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. He said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S & M and bondage to my little brother, who was persistent on the topic, and who kept staring at me with mounting horror when I finally /did/ explain, and I realized I had maybe gone too far, and we had to spend the next five minutes swearing to God that I had never nor would I ever attempt to do anything like that. He might now be the only nine-year-old who has heard the terms "cock ring" and "fisting". My parenting skills are unparalleled.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“He tethered me to him, my magnetic north, while my mind went here or there. I always knew. Somehow I always knew.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Otter. Otter. Otter,” I mutter. “Yes, Bear?” he says beautifully. “Don’t lead cows to slaughter,” I say. He arches an eyebrow. “Come again?” I take a deep breath. “I… love you and I know I should’ve told ya soon-a.” His eyes widen slightly. “Wait, what? You… me?” I shake my head. “But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna.” “Bear, what the hell? Did you just… rhyme?”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You can't just wipe away your history.”
― TJ Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Creed scowls. "Hardly. All he does now is mope like a goddamn teenage girl. Anytime I'm home, he's in his room with the door locked. I'm telling you guys, he got worked over really bad in San Diego. I thought the whole point of having a gay brother was that they were supposed to be all cool and shit. I got a defective gay.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“You've broken my heart, but it was mine to give.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“There's a seagull eating our food,' he told me, and it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I realized that I love him pure and simple. It's not a matter of logic or function. It's a matter of my heart.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“Kid, you may be the smartest person alive, but a master of subtlety you are not.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“How soon was it, anyways?”
“What?” I know what shes asking, and I attempt to stall.
“That you fucked him. How soon was it after we broke up?” Her eyes narrow. “Or were we still together?” she scowls through gritted teeth.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.”
“Right after.”
“I hope it was worth it,” she snarls.
I look her in the eye. “It was.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example:

I love you
You love me
Thank God for that
I'm so happy

And Ty's personal favorite (which he helped me on):

Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don't lead cows to slaughter
I love you and I know
I should've told you soon-a
But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna!

TY asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I told him God didn’t invent grocery stores. He told me that I had no proof of this, and wouldn’t I feel stupid when I died and went to heaven and saw God’s Food Mart? I told him that was a dumb name for a grocery store. He told me that I couldn’t do any better. I told him God’s grocery store was named God’s Amazing Food Emporium and that they had weekly specials on the Body Of Christ Sourdough bread loaves. He told me I was sacrilegious. I told him we weren’t any kind of religious.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“He hesitates, then says, "You don't think Otter... gets offended by what I say?" He begins to speak faster. "I mean, I don't care who Otter sleeps with. I don't care that he's a fa- gay. I don't care that he's gay. Why would I ?" He grins thinly. "He's my brother. You don't turn away from someone like him just because he likes sick instead if the good stuff.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“He’s my brother. You don’t turn away from someone like him just because he likes dick instead of the good stuff.” I chuckle. “You certainly haven’t lost your way with words.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I may not be the biggest Kid in the world, and I may not be the smartest, and I may not have been around to learn everything there is to know, but I do know this: people in love do the stupidest things.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I do love you. You’ve broken my heart, but it was mine to give.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“The Kid told me that he thought gay people were supposed to be classy, but then he looked me up and down and said that even nice stereotypes can be a detriment to society because I obviously wasn’t classy.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid

“I can’t wait for the day when you tell me you’ve got the clap.” He cocks his head to the side. “That’s what you can’t wait for? Out of everything in the world, that’s what you can’t wait for? Bear, that’s just sad. And very, very mean of you. Just for that, if I do get the clap, I am going to pee in your mouth while you are sleeping, and then you can have the clap with me.” He starts grabbing his crotch and moaning, and I laugh and try to get away, but he presses me up against the wall. An old couple walks out of the store and stares at us. He waves at them and says, “It’s okay. We’re gay. This is my life partner, Greg.”
― T.J. Klune, Bear, Otter, and the Kid