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Howard Mittelmark

Goodreads Author


Born
The United States
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Member Since
February 2008

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I've been writing and editing for a long time. A while ago, I got together with Sandra Newman, and we put everything we had figured out reading and working on hundreds, possibly thousands, of published and unpublished novels, and put it all into How Not To Write A Novel. It's sort of an encyclopedia of mistakes every beginning writer makes. It's very funny. Really. You can read some excerpts at hownottowriteanovel.com. I can't guarantee you'll write a good novel if you read it, but it would be very hard not to write a better novel.


I used to review a lot: many, many books for Kirkus Reviews, and also for newspapers, including the New York Times and the Washington Post. So I have all these reviews sitting around, and I thought I'd post some
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Howard Mittelmark hasn't written any blog posts yet.

Average rating: 3.95 · 6,039 ratings · 967 reviews · 7 distinct worksSimilar authors
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How Not to Write a Novel: 2...

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The Mysterious Stranger and...

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Read This Next: 500 of the ...

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Written Out

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Age of Consent

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The Lesser World

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More books by Howard Mittelmark…
Quotes by Howard Mittelmark  (?)
Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. (Learn more)

“...This particular blunder is known as deus ex machina, which is French for "Are you fucking kidding me?”
Howard Mittelmark, How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them—A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide

“Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess.”
Howard Mittelmark, How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them—A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide

“The male author unthinkingly creates a world in which every single member of society is male except—hey presto!—when the protagonist feels like getting laid. Especially common in science fiction; apparently many writers assume that in the future women will die out.”
Howard Mittelmark, How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them—A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide

Topics Mentioning This Author

“I have known some horses and a good many more pigs who I believe harbored evil intent in their hearts. I will go further and say all cats are wicked, though often useful. Who has not seen Satan in their sly faces?”
Charles Portis

“Examining the actual contents of my crying, I found a quailing sludge emotion, with a foul insecticide taste. If it was a peanut, you would spit it out. Yet I was indulging this toxic goo, giving it its head and letting it dictate my actions. People had every good reason to despise me. ”
Sandra Newman, The Only Good Thing Anyone Has Ever Done: A Novel

“That sense of the world being the lack of something dogged him for years, and when it stopped dogging him, he felt unmoored. ”
Sandra Newman, The Only Good Thing Anyone Has Ever Done: A Novel

“He says nothing, vehemently. I falter away and we sit, mutually staring into the fouled water. ...


With time to kill, I ponder dismally the possible derivation of the zombie myth from people like my boyfriend. I picture Ralph blackened, semi-fingered, with bright bone peeking through his flesh. The odd small worm clings, festively wiggling. In my image, Ralph's really upset about decaying, and I feel for him sorrowfully. I want to tell him I would still love him, if he were decomposed. Of course in practice there is no predicting what I'd feel, and besides which, it's a wild associative leap.


I ponder dismally how I've alienated people, all my life, with my bizarre associative leaps. ”
Sandra Newman, The Only Good Thing Anyone Has Ever Done: A Novel

“You need to read more science fiction. Nobody who reads science fiction comes out with this crap about the end of history”
Iain Banks

9876 Terminalcoffee — 1706 members — last activity Nov 13, 2024 08:26PM
A place to chat about anything that emerges. We're pretty relaxed, and our attitudes mostly are mild. Make friends. Be authentic. Get mad. Laugh. ...more
74876 The Hidden Reviews Club — 148 members — last activity Oct 27, 2013 12:47PM
This is a place where reviewers can post links to their hidden reviews, and where GoodReads users can come to find hidden reviews from reviewers they ...more



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message 15: by Howard

Howard If you're one of the many people who often find themselves thinking "I wish somebody would write a scary story about multifunction printers," the wait is over:

http://www.theawl.com/2013/10/a-scary...


message 14: by Alan

Alan Howard wrote: "Oh, I've got that writing without much success thing down, so if you need any tips..."

I think I've forgotten everything there is to forget.


message 13: by Howard

Howard Oh, I've got that writing without much success thing down, so if you need any tips...


message 12: by Alan

Alan Howard wrote: "Hey, Alan. Things are okay. I admit to being a tiny bit jealous of Sandy’s article, but she deserved it. I wrote a little of the book (embarrassingly, the list of authors I covered—Conrad, Melville..."

I'm good thanks. Trying to write without much success, but otherwise good.
It was a big two page article! I might buy the book so I can pretend to have read everything too..


message 11: by Howard

Howard Hey, Alan. Things are okay. I admit to being a tiny bit jealous of Sandy’s article, but she deserved it. I wrote a little of the book (embarrassingly, the list of authors I covered—Conrad, Melville, Twain, Fitzgerald, Defoe, Beowulf, Roland, etc.—looks like A Boy’s First Book of Literary Heroes), but after watching her read everything from the Odyssey to Ulysses, and enjoy it, it was obvious this was going to be more her book than mine. Besides, I've made it this far without reading Milton, Dante, or the Cavalier poets, and I wasn’t going to throw that away now.

And how are you?


message 10: by Alan

Alan Hi Howard,
just to say I saw an article about Sandra Newman's Western Lit survival Kit yesterday (in the Sunday Times) which gave you a mention. (said it was your idea but you backed off..) Anyway how's things?
Alan


Jessica Howard, thanks for letting me know!
that may be thanks to karen of goodreads fame
I shall have to get down there to see for myself...


message 8: by Emily

Emily Mittelmark gave the novel 5 stars. sorry for the short review, but... you know how it is.


message 7: by Kirk

Kirk Hey Howard, thanks for the friend invite! I've always enjoyed your posts, though I'm pretty sure we've never dated either. There might have been a drunken night or two in Tijuana, but those don't count. Congrats on the books! I'm gonna get Age of Consent. How's the new one coming?


Charissa I don't remember having dated you either, Howard. Hmm...


Howard We might have dated. My experience is that the women I go out with tend to suppress the memory, so if you don't remember having gone out with me, that's a good indication that you did.


Amanda You're creepy? Goody! (Are you sure we never dated???)

Hey, are you gonna enter the Haiku contest in Mini Am? It's possible that I'm the only one psyched about it. But DAMN, I'm psyched! :)


Howard Nah, it's not really that scary. More creepy than scary. Like me.




message 2: by Amanda (last edited May 05, 2008 08:12AM)

Amanda Age of Consent is en route to mi casa. Amazon is shipping it to me at an exorbitantly high cost. Sweethearts. :)

PS. Am I gonna be scared and have to hide under my blankets???


message 1: by Kiala

Kiala Kazebee Hi Howard! MFK Fisher is (was) actually my best friend's grandmother. Neat, right?

I also like spinach.


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