Bdalton's Reviews > The Gifts of Imperfection

I read this book after watching Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. The TED talk was shown as the last exercise for a leadership class at work. The talk was intriguing and I wanted to know more. Also, I noted that many of the comments regarding this fairly brief talk were often negative. I found the talk inspiring so I wanted to see if there was any validity to the negative comments.

The question that I had in my mind was why was this shown at work? Does Brown suggest that people should be vulnerable with everyone or in a work place environment? In order to be a leader, does she believe that it is necessary to be vulnerable? Upon reading this book, I believe that Brown is asserting that it is necessary to be vulnerable, but only to those who are truly part of your support network. On page 47 of the book, she writes "Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or a small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky." She also says people with high levels of shame resilience "reach out and share their stories with people they trust." She also provides a little bit of information about her breakdown/spirtual awakening and says "During the breakdown, I needed help. I needed support and handholding and advice. Thank God! Turning to my younger brother and sisters completely shifted our family dynamics. I gained permission to fall apart and be imperfect, and they could share their strength and incredible wisdom with me." So while Brown discusses the need to be able to receive help, she specifically says that is okay to be selective, and tells us that she selected her family to be her support network when she was facing a crisis.

I was also curious how Brown defines authencity. Brown, a struggling perfectionist, defines authenticity as "the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are." Embracing who we are means accepting that we are not perfect, loving ourselves for who we are, and seeking meaningful connection. She talks about wholehearted living and says that people when overwhelmed, should DIG (Deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, and stating their intentions; be Inspired to make new and different choices, and get Going. They should take action). She also talks about the idea of judging whether or not another person is authentic and comes to the conclusion that this is not a trait that people have or don't have - it is a practice of how we want to live. She doesn't bridge the gap between others judgments of our authenticity and being truly authentic and discuss how there can be a “disconnect”.

Brown covers a lot of different topics rapidly. In her TED talk, she talks about being a researcher and a detail-oriented kind of person, so I thought that I would find more factual information. This book doesn't really have that but provides a good list of references in the back. Instead, this is a good refresher to ideas that many of us already know (and practice with a varying degree of success and persistence) - e.g., be mindful, seek connection, look for meaning, be grateful, experience joy. But, sometimes we all need an inspiring reminder to live our lives fully, and this book satisfies that need.