david's Reviews > Lysistrata: "Love is simply the name for the desire and the pursuit of the whole"

In the beginning, G-d created the heavens and the earth.

A short time thereafter, he created Adam, and from Adam, Eve.

Then there was nature.

Then some decorating.

It was then time to enact society, of which, it was decided by G-d, would be left to the people wandering around.

A Civilization was forming…

Soon after that first very hectic week, a philosopher appeared. What was unusual about him was his decidedly German accent, thousands of years before there was a Frankfurter.

But philosophy can be dry, even by Bedouin standards.

Next, the ground one day roared and with a great swell, rose a comic.

The comedienne, a female naturally, was strolling around Eden when she bumped into Adam.

She eyed this unusual creature, head to toe, and asked, “How did you do that?”

He looked down on his naked body and said, “Ah, it’s nothing.”

“I know,” she said, “but I must use it in my act. Where can I get one?”

Adam shrugged (pre-Atlas).

“I’ll just use yours,” said the determined comedienne, and she yanked and yanked but it would not come off.

The philosopher studied the interaction and ran behind a giant banyan tree and began to excogitate.

Within a month, the first high-Priest was seen passing out figs to some three-hundred-year-old children, or the youngsters. “Only eat organic,” was his religious dogma. “And those leaves over there, the ones that numb your gums, chew in moderation.”

Not a week after, a psychologist was created to listen to the complaints that had begun amid earth’s increasing inhabitants. The recurring discussion that was heard from the patients in a quiet surrounding of bushes and dirt, was Smell.

Even with hundreds of hours of discussion, everything remained fetid and stinky, until one day Ug came upon a sea. Ug drowned quickly as he investigated it, but afterwards, everyone bathed there, careful not to recreate the accident that Ug had.

The psychologist had more time to discuss inbreeding (but I love my nephew, my aunt is hot), a very topical topic. And, boredom. It was the same thing every day. “We have nothing to do.” The psychologist would frequently suggest playing with the smaller critters or combing each other's hair to her patients, but many were maimed in these indelicate diversions and her patient list was not long.

There were several highly intelligent monkeys swinging through the trees. They were stopped and silenced, with bananas, by some of the elders (the ancients were, like, one thousand years old in those days).

“We are in need of three apes. One to become a magistrate and two more to act in the interests of those who are unfortunate. We will call you barristers. I must first warn you that all conflicts will be resolved pro bono because currency nor crypto has not been invented yet. Do I have any volunteers?”

Say what you will about simians, but they are not dummies, as humans are. They shrieked for hours and then for days. No compensation, no inflated bills, no churning, no retainers, no unnecessary depositions, no allegations? So, they brought in the disinterested philosopher as arbiter, because there was suddenly no interest. He chose a baboon as a magistrate, two gorillas as advocates, and a billing/accounts receivable petite swinging monkey. Hypocrisy was learned by the four (as their human models would display) and agreed between them as the a priori rule to apply to their lives and those they will subjugate.

Then came all the other elements of society we are all too familiar with. And with each new important person, G-d seemed to slip into the background. But maybe He was watching all the while.

Anyway, what does this have to do with Lysistrata? Not sure. Sometimes I key in stuff after mixing serotonin inhibitors just for fun. Let me think. Yeah. This guy, Aristophanes, was maybe the first Neil Simon or Oscar Wilde before they existed. He wrote these comedic plays a long time ago, maybe around 400 BCE. While wearing a tunic, which was in style then for both genders. Easy to wash and easy to fold and a little bit racy (depending on its' slant), and if you are into the retro thing.

So, Stoph, as we called this playwright in those days, existed during the Peloponnesian Wars. The Spartans and the Athenians. They loved to fight. It seems like a very human wont. Lysistrata was an attractive woman, even more persuasive with her flimsy tunic. Add to that brains, and the ability to motivate others, and affect change, and we have perhaps our first anti-war sit in.

She convinced all the women of a certain age to hang with her at the Acropolis and to lock the doors behind them. No men allowed. Think Chippendales without the Chippens or Playboys without the boys.

She believed that depriving men of sex would induce them to cease warring. And that is all I am going to share because the topic is too disturbing for me to contemplate.

I love this stuff. Is there really anybody out there that believes that we ‘moderns’ are different from our ancestors?

This play can be read in one sitting. Quite funny.