Wizards Quotes

“There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact it is considered opinion of some of his tutors that he is incapable even of achieving level zero, which most normal people are born at; to put it another way, it has been suggested that when Rincewind dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up by a fraction.”
― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery

“Firstly,” said Ponder, “Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here.”
“Do? We are the premier college of magic!” said Ridcully.
“But do we teach?”
“Only if no alternative presents itself,” said the Dean. “We show ‘em where the library is, give ‘em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open.”
“Metaphorically, sir?” said Ponder.
“Yes. But technically, of course, it’s locked.”
“Explain to him that we don’t do things, Stibbons,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. “We are academics.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Blink of the Screen: Collected Shorter Fiction

“Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, I thought. For they are soggy and hard to light.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Moon Over Soho

“Are we riding far tonight, Gandalf?” asked Merry after a while. “I don’t know how you feel with small rag-tag dangling behind you; but the rag-tag is tired and will be glad to stop dangling and lie down.”
“So you heard that?” said Gandalf. “Don’t let it rankle! Be thankful no longer words were aimed at you. He had his eyes on you. If it is any comfort to your pride, I should say that, at the moment, you and Pippin are more in his thoughts than the rest of us. Who you are; how you came here, and why; what you know; whether you were captured, and if so, how you escaped when all the orcs perished—it is with those little riddles that the great mind of Saruman is troubled. A sneer from him, Meriadoc, is a compliment, if you feel honoured by his concern.”
“Thank you!” said Merry. “But it is a greater honour to dangle at your tail, Gandalf. For one thing, in that position one has a chance of putting a question a second time. Are we riding far tonight?”
Gandalf laughed. “A most unquenchable hobbit! All wizards should have a hobbit or two in their care—to teach them the meaning of the world, and to correct them.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

“If my public existence does anything worthwhile, hopefully it at least demystifies the author a bit, because I know when I was younger I felt like authors were like wizards or something. Turns out they're total muggles.”
― John Green

“Hullo!” said Merry. “So that’s what is bothering you? Now, Pippin my lad, don’t forget Gildor’s saying—the one Sam used to quote: Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.”
“But our whole life for months has been one long meddling in the affairs of Wizards,” said Pippin. “I should like a bit of information as well as danger. I should like a look at that ball.”
“Go to sleep!” said Merry. “You’ll get information enough, sooner or later. My dear Pippin, no Took ever beat a Brandybuck for inquisitiveness; but is it this time, I ask you?”
“All right! What’s the harm in my telling you what I should like: a look at that stone? I know I can’t have it, with old Gandalf sitting on it, like a hen on an egg. But it doesn’t help much to get no more from you than a you-can’t-have-it-so-go-to-sleep!”
“Well, what else could I say?” said Merry. “I’m sorry, Pippin, but you really must wait till the morning. I’ll be as curious as you like after breakfast, and I’ll help you in any way I can at wizard-wheedling. But I can’t keep awake any longer. If I yawn any more, I shall split at the ears. Good night!”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

“Wizards don’t believe in gods. They didn’t deny their existence, of course. They just didn’t believe. It was nothing personal; they weren’t actually rude about it. Gods were a visible part of narrativium that made things work, that gave the world its purpose. It was just that they were best avoided close up.”
― Terry Pratchett , Darwin's Watch

“The second the door closed after him Laire started jumping, a huge smile on her face and her body shaking in repressed excitement. “I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go. You don’t even like the Oracle. Let me.”

Before the first words were out of Laire’s mouth, Fallon started to shake her head, and as soon as the green-haired woman took a breath, Fallon used it as her opportunity to say, “No way.”

“Please please please.”

“Let me rephrase. No way in hell.”

Laire stopped jumping, a small pout coming to her lips. How she had been able to prevent an ankle fracture while jumping on those spikes, Larissa would never know. “Why not?”

“Because if they have an orgy going on, you’ll want to join. And if they don’t have an orgy going on, you’ll want to start one. I’ll take Aislynn with me.”
― Danielle Monsch, Stone Guardian

“A great piece of music make people to close their eyes but a great magic effect make their eyes wide open.”
― Amit Kalantri

“But when the wizard is onstage as the main character, you have to adopt what I call the Jack Vance Rule. I call it this because Jack Vance is the first author successfully and adroitly to have applied this rule in his The Dying Earth. The Jack Vance Rule is: (1) The wizard has to be able to do something unusual, or else he is not a wizard, (2) he cannot do everything, or else there is no drama; therefore (3) the story teller has to communicate to the reader whatever the dividing line is that separates what the wizard can do from what he cannot do, so that the reader can have a reasonable expectation of knowing what the wizard can and cannot do.”
― John C. Wright, Transhuman and Subhuman: Essays on Science Fiction and Awful Truth

“Her assignment had been to write a simple Sumerian code for preserving a jar of pickled eggs. (To the programming-inclined reader, this is the magical equivalent of “HELLO WORLD.”)”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Are you single?” inquired − rather bluntly − the email titled “Career Opportunity.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.”
― Mark Jackman, Shadow of the Badger

“Behind the cool mask of bravado, past the one-way mirror of his mind, underneath the rock-solid layers of self-control, in the Zen garden that was Master Sewer’s soul, a high-pitched anxiety fart rustled through the still leaves. If farts could talk, this one would have said, “Damn coppers!”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“FEBRIZIUM();” said Buggeroff, and the foul smell immediately disappeared as if by, well − Magic.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Buggeroff, enchanté!”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“On a scale ranging from very little to too much, Merkin could just about categorize the amount of personal data stored in Master Loo’s computer as a shitload.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Son ingeniosas de verdad, las cosas que inventan los muggles para arreglárselas sin magia.”
― J. K. Rowling

“What if a wizard was sent to kill him?"

"Well, as to that," Desmond replied, drawing his.longsword, "wizards die the same as the other men, once you cut their heads off.”
― George R.R. Martin

“Magicians made magic but critics made it tricks.”
― Amit Kalantri

“A magician reveals himself not only by the magic he presents but also by the respect and entertainment he gives to his audience.”
― Amit Kalantri

“My father always said, he said, “Do not peddle in the affairs of wizards...”
― Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

“If a wizard should take up residence in your garden, and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.”
― Mark Jackman, Shadow of the Badger

“Narsh!”
― Casey Caracciolo, The Shadow of the Gauntlet

“As a magician you will miss the hundred percent of the applause if you don't perform.”
― Amit Kalantri

“The genius of a great magician is as impressive as the genius of a great scientist.”
― Amit Kalantri

“If you are a magician then you can always do a lot more magic than you think you can.”
― Amit Kalantri

“A magician must always value his magic effects more than himself, because after few years audience may not remember his name but they will remember his magic effect.”
― Amit Kalantri

“Wizard is as wizard does.”
― F.T. McKinstry, Ascarion

“Most humans know better than to cross a wizard. A cat does not care.”
― F.T. McKinstry, Wizards, Woods and Gods