Political Humor Quotes

“New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party.”
― Bill Maher

“You want a friend in this city? [Washington, DC.] Get a dog!”
― Harry S. Truman

“Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation.”
― Conan O'Brien

“Liberal, shmiberal. That should be a new word. Shmiberal: one who is assumed liberal, just because he's a professional whiner in the newspaper. If you'll read the subtext for many of those old strips, you'll find the heart of an old-fashioned Libertarian. And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners.”
― Berkeley Breathed

“When a political opponent resorts to the racist card, it's a sure sign of moral bankruptcy: there's no decent argument left in the armoury.”
― Alex Morritt, Impromptu Scribe

“It turned out that in the governance of a nation’s security, many absurd situations had to be worked around: a toxic clown in the Foreign Office [Boris Johnson], a state visit by a narcissistic bed-wetter [Trump], the tendency of the electorate to 'jump off' the occasional cliff [Brexit].”
― Mick Herron, Joe Country

“Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.”
― Samuel Butler

“Godwin's law states that the longer any online debate goes on, the likelier it is that someone will play the Nazi card. It's the rhetorical equivalent of going nuclear and stupid at the same time.”
― John P. Avlon, Wingnuts: How the Lunatic Fringe is Hijacking America

“The only thing we knew for certain was the American Civil War was not a prelude to a kiss.”
― Aberjhani, Greeting Flannery O'Connor at the Back Door of My Mind

“There was a story doing the rounds that the list of questions traditionally asked of head injury victims, to check for concussion - what's the date, where do you live, who is the Prime Minister? - had had to be amended in light of the current incumbents turn your, as the widespread disbelief but he was still in office was producing a rash of false positives.”
― Mick Herron, London Rules

“Politics is the only art whose artists regularly disown their masterpieces.”
― Raheel Farooq

“bribery: (n.) invisible grease that makes politics go round and round.”
― Sol Luckman, The Angel's Dictionary

“One good thing about being an immigrant in the US, no one cares about my sociopolitical opinion. I exist like a bland wallpaper to all races.”
― Fidelis O. Mkparu

“The president has kept all the promises he intended to keep.”
― George Stephanopoulos

“There's no way I could be president of the United States, I have no; military experience, I've never run a business, for godsakes I mean- who could possibly clear that bar.

The great thing about President Obama is he's actually left the presidential bar on the floor, anyone can walk over that bar now. If Barack Obama can be President of the United States literally anybody in the planet can be President of the United States”
― Bill Whittle

“GOP stands for Greedy Old Pedophiles.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy

“Jesse Jackson thinks he's President, but he's Protestant.”
― Karen S. Cole, The Rainbow Horizon: A Tale of Goofy Chaos

“One should be more concerned about what his conscience whispers than about what media shout. Vote as per your own conscience . Reject those who targets people because of race or religion.”
― Abhysheq Shukla

“If this had been France, and the Queen had been Louis XIV, it would have been done by now-but it was England, Parliament had its knobby fingers around the Monarch’s throat, and Whigs and Tories were joined in an eternal shin-kicking contest to determine which faction should have the honor of throttling her Majesty, and how hard.”
― Neal Stephenson, Solomon's Gold

“Attlee is a modest man who has a great deal to be modest about.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“Minä juon nyt kahvia.”
― Harri Holkeri

“The difference between Bigfoot and a politician’s good conscience is no sightings to suggest the existence of the latter.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“People are selfish by nature and motivated by self-interests, so if they want a government that is of the people, by the people, and for the people they should rightfully ban all the people from government.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“People are by nature selfish and motivated by self-interests. The irony being that if they want a government that is of the people, by the people, and for the people they'll need to rid it of all the people.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“You don’t need to understand anatomy to know that main stream media is an organ of the Democrat party, and you don’t need to be a urologist to know which organ.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“Well, Mr. Lincoln, when it comes to political short-sightedness I agree you can't fool all of the people all of the time, but apparently you can fool all of the fools all of the time.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“I know of three ways to convince people to change their party politics; but the first two don’t work and the third has yet to be successful.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“There are three ways to convince people to change their party politics; but the first way doesn't work and the other two have yet to be invented.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“There are three ways to convince people to change their political affiliation; but the first way doesn't work and the other two have yet to be invented.”
― Anthony P. Mauro, Sr

“Khalil Bendib, with a few ingenious strokes of his pen, gets to the heart of the issues of our time. His cartoons are in the greatest tradition of American political humor, with that combination of wit and intelligence so needed in the struggle for justice.”
― Howard Zinn