Masturbate Quotes (29 quotes)

“Some women do not masturbate for pleasure; they masturbate to make a political statement: to remind us that women do not really need men (or at least not as much and as frequently as every single male chauvinist and every single misogynist believes).”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: aids, bj, blow-job, chauvinism, chauvinist, chauvinists, church, cunnilingus, equality, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, feminism, feminist, feminists, gender-equality, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, misogynist, misogynists, misogyny, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, pleasure, political-statement, political-statements, politics, pretense, relationships, religion, satire, self-abuse, self-love, sex, sexuality, sexy-humor, wedding, women

34 likes

Like

“It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: aids, bj, blow-job, church, cunnilingus, dignity, dignity-of-women, dignity-quotes, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, hymen, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, parents, pleasure, pretense, pride, relationships, religion, saire, self-abuse, self-love, sex, sexuality, sexy-humor, virgin, virginity, vows, wedding

22 likes

Like

“We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

tags: aphorism, aphorisms, aphorist, aphorists, around-the-bend, ashamed, bananas, batty, bonkers, crackers, crazed, crazy, cuckoo, demented, democracy, democratic, deranged, ditzy, enough, ethic, ethical, ethics, funny, gaga, gonzo, hilarious, humor, humorous, humour, in-private, in-public, insane, insanity, joke, jokes, loco, loony, loopy, lunatic, mad-as-a-hatter, mad-as-a-march-hare, majority, masturbate, masturbation, mental, minority, moral, morality, morals, non-compos-mentis, not-all-there, not-right-in-the-head, nutso, nutty, nutty-as-a-fruitcake, out-to-lunch, precept, precepts, private, public, quotations, quotes, raving-mad, round-the-bend, sane, sanity, satire, self-abuse, shame, shameful, societies, society, taboo, taboos, the-majority, the-minority, touched, unhinged, wacko, with-a-screw-loose

19 likes

Like

“My humor is so dirty I could masturbate to it.”
― Aleksandra Ninkovic, Write like no one is reading

tags: adult, dirty, funny, humor, masturbate, masturbation

16 likes

Like

“Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: abortion, aids, bj, blow-job, church, cunnilingus, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, habit, habit-quotes, habits, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, human-nature, humor, humour, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, pleasure, pregnancy, pretense, relationships, religion, saire, sex, sexuality, sexy-humor, unplanned-pregnancy, wedding

11 likes

Like

“A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: aids, arrogance, arrogant, bj, blow-job, church, confidence, confident, cunnilingus, dildo, dildoes, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, pleasure, pretense, relationships, religion, satire, self-abuse, self-love, sex, sexuality, sexy-humor, vibrator, vibrators, wedding

10 likes

Like

“Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: aids, bj, blow-job, church, cunnilingus, dildo, dildoes, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, pleasure, pretense, relationships, religion, saire, self-abuse, self-love, self-love-quotes, sex, sex-appeal, sexuality, sexy-humor, turn-off, turn-on, ugly, vibrator, vibrators, wedding

6 likes

Like

“Most if not all sexually active people do not really love having sex; they merely love experiencing an orgasm every now and then.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: aids, bj, blow-job, church, cunnilingus, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, penetration, pleasure, pretense, relationships, religion, satire, self-abuse, self-love, sex, sexual-intercourse, sexuality, sexy-humor, wedding

6 likes

Like

“Some people masturbate to temporarily replace their partners when they are absent, whereas some people do that to temporarily live in the present.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

tags: absent, adage, adages, aphorism, aphorisms, axiom, axioms, boyfriend, boyfriends, deep, dictum, dictums, epigram, epigrams, future, girlfriend, girlfriends, gnome, gnomes, humor, humour, insightful, long, long-for, longing, lover, lovers, made-me-think, make-you-think, marriage, masturbate, masturbating, masturbation, maxim, maxims, miss, missing, partner, partners, past, present, profound, proverb, proverbs, provoke-thought, quotation, quotations, quote, quotes, relationship, relationships, replace, satire, satirical, saying, sayings, sex, sexual-intercourse, temporarily, temporary, the-future, the-now, the-past, the-power-of-now, the-present, thought-provoking, thoughtful

6 likes

Like

“The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: aids, bj, blow-job, church, consensual-sex, cunnilingus, daughter, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, parenthood, parenting, parents, pleasure, pretense, rape, relationships, religion, righteous, righteousness, satire, self-abuse, self-love, sex, sexuality, sexy-humor, virgin, virginity, wedding

5 likes

Like

“Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: aids, bj, blow-job, church, coco-chanel, cunnilingus, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, fellatio, freedom, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, pleasure, pretense, relationships, religion, satire, self-abuse, self-love, sex, sexuality, sexy-humor, wedding

4 likes

Like

“Some men do not know the father of 'their' children.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay

tags: adultery, aids, assumption, bj, blow-job, cheating, child, children, church, cunnilingus, essay, essays, fake, family, family-planning, father, fatherhood, fellatio, fidelity, health, hiv, hiv-aids, hiv-and-aids, humor, humour, infidelity, marriage, masturbate, masturbation, offspring, onanism, orgasm, orgasms, parenthood, paternity, paternity-fraud, paternity-test, pleasure, pressumption, pretense, relationships, religion, satire, self-abuse, self-love, sex, sexuality, sexy-humor, wedding

4 likes

Like

“Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

tags: aphorism, aphorisms, aphorist, aphorists, funny, hilarious, humor, humorous, humour, joke, jokes, masturbate, masturbation, satire, self-abuse, wank, wanker, wanking

2 likes

Like

“Learn to love and please yourself." ~ Herbalist Tracie”
― Herbalist Tracie

tags: masturbate, masturbation, sex, sex-toys, sexual, sexy-romance

2 likes

Like

“Mutual masturbation can be a terrific precursor to intercourse, or it can be a main event all on its own. I’m a big proponent of mutual masturbation for couples looking to reestablish intimacy in their relationship. Masturbating each other or in front of each other can build anticipation, tease each other, and serve as foreplay. There’s so much room to explore.”
― Elle Chase, Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life

tags: masturbate, masturbation, mutual-masturbation

1 likes

Like

“Even if I show my penis, even if I masturbate in public, even if the visual contents disturbs you, No means No”
― Dr.P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

tags: masturbate, no-means-no, penis, visualization

1 likes

Like

“I was playing rainbow six siege and that's the moment when I saw a dick on the wall so i knew I needed to masturbate so I uploaded thumbnail representing a dick so I can clickbait while masturbating” ~Eren Yeager”
― iwillbeplatnextseason69lamo

tags: masturbate

1 likes

Like

“In this day and age, it is hard for a saint to trust the cucumber.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, Song of a Nature Lover

tags: 21st-century, cucumber, cucumbers, dildo, fruit, generation-z, masturbate, masturbation, saint, saints

1 likes

Like

“When I discovered my wife had been having an affair, I couldn't masturbate for three to four months, which was frustrating since it was something I still liked doing as an adult. I couldn't look at my cock without imagining someone else's cock inside of her. I had to relearn how to not care. I'd been so good at it before.”
― Dave Matthes, A Cage for the Wind

tags: affair, dark-humor, humorous, masturbate, poetry, relationship

1 likes

Like

“But the future is uncertain, and he can't get up enough enthusiasm even to masurbate.”
― M.R. Carey, The Girl with All the Gifts

tags: dystopian-future, masturbate, sex, soldier, zombie

0 likes

Like

“Cornflakes was mainly build because of the reason masturbating. The creator thought that if you eat healty food you won't masturbate... is he right?”
― Deyth Banger

tags: eat, he, if, is, masturbate, right, that, you

0 likes

Like

“The biggest problem is that stress is above my life, as much I have more stress as more masturbate commmands me. I see it's pointless, it loses time, it's useless and so on and so on... but some how it's difficult to stop it!”
― Deyth Banger

tags: biggest, it, masturbate, problem, stop, stress, useless

0 likes

Like

“Our sexual pleasure happens within us, not on or inside our partners’ genitals.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

tags: adult-shop, dildo, genitals, masturbate, masturbation, pleasure, sex, sex-shop, sex-toys, vibrator

0 likes

Like

“To masturbate or not to masturbate, that is the question.”
― Steven Magee

tags: electromagnetic, female, hysteria, insane, male, masturbate, masturbation, masturbators, question, sex

0 likes

Like

“Law is the black hole where people masturbate their lust”
― P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

tags: black-hole-quotes, law-quotes, laws-of-nature, lust-quotes, masturbate

0 likes

Like

“In every way, masturbation is quite handy.”
― Alain Bremond-Torrent, "Darling, it's not only about sex"

tags: erogenous-zone, horniness, masturbate, masturbation, sex, sexual-release, sexual-tension

0 likes

Like

“A guy goes to see his doctor for a physical. The doctor says, “I think you should stop masturbating.” The guy says, “Really? How come?” The doctor says, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”
― Nick Drnaso, Beverly

tags: masturbate, masturbation, masturbation-joke, masturbation-jokes, sex-joke, sex-jokes, sexual, sexuality

0 likes

Like

“What would you do if I told you your desire to masturbate is coming from your environment?”
― Steven Magee

tags: chemistry, coming, desire, environment, exposure, hormones, masturbate, radiation, told, trigger

0 likes

Like

“I am not, and will not be attracted to that asshole [Mr. Drummond]" I say
"You did say he was gorgeous" She responds
"That doesn't mean I am sexually attracted to him! I think the Taj Majal is gorgeous, but I'm not going to stand in front of a picture of it and m@sturbate!" I say”
― Annika Martin, The Billionaire’s Wake-up-call Girl

tags: gorgeous-man, masturbate, sexual-attraction, sexy-boss

0 likes

Like

Masturbate Quotes

Browse By Tag