Humor Inspirational Quotes

“We don't have to be defined by the things we did or didn't do in our past. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret. Maybe it's a regret, maybe it's not. It's merely something that happened. Get over it.”
― Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four

“Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“One thing I've learned about people is that the easiest way to get them to like you is to shut up and let them do the talking.”
― Jesse Andrews, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

“Never trust a man with a penis.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans”
― Zoë Marriott, The Swan Kingdom

“God helps those who strut their stuff.”
― Dan Sofer, A Love and Beyond

“The process of learning is a nonstop orgy of wonderment.”
― Lev Grossman, The Magicians

“No matter where life takes me, you'll find me with a smile. Presumed to be happy, always laughing like a child. I never thought life could be this sweet! It's got me cheesing from cheek to cheek!”
― Mac Miller

“Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right.”
― Orson Scott Card, Xenocide

“Great. We're all bloody inspired,” Newt answered, then pointed over his shoulder, towards the Maze.”
― James Dashner, The Maze Runner

“You'll enjoy it. There is much you can learn from books and scrolls," said Jeod. He gestured at the walls. "These books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life."

"It sounds intriguing," admitted Eragon.

"Always the scholar, aren't you?" asked Brom.

Jeod shrugged. "Not anymore. I'm afraid I've degenerated into a bibliophile.”
― Christopher Paolini, Eragon

“Mister Dresden," he said. "And Miss Rodriguez, I believe. I didn't realize you were an art collector."
"I am the foremost collector of velvet Elvii in the city of Chicago," I said at once.
"Elvii?" Marcone inquired.
"The plural could be Elvises, I guess," I said. "But if I say that too often, I start muttering to myself and calling things 'my precious,' so I usually go with the Latin plural.”
― Jim Butcher, Death Masks

“When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.”
― Louis C.K.

“Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny –
Did you ever try buying them without money.”
― Ogden Nash

“Do you want to know the world? Then look at it closely. Do you want to like it? Then look at it from afar.”
― Ion Luca Caragiale

“If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together.”
― Michael P. Clutton

“You can wipe your feet on me, twist my motives around all you like, you can dump millstones on my head and drown me in the river, but you can’t get me out of the story. I’m the plot, babe, and don’t ever forget it.”
― Margaret Atwood, Good Bones

“I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“A cause may be inconvenient, but it's magnificent. It's like champagne or high heels, and one must be prepared to suffer for it.”
― Arnold Bennett, The Title: A Comedy in Three Acts

“A lot of men tend to want "models"
I tell men, unless they look like a model themselves, they can't expect to land one.”
― Trisha Ventker, INTERNET DATES FROM HELL: a memoir

“Slaying dragons, melting witches, and banishing demons is all fun and games until someone loses a sidekick—then it’s personal. The bad guy isn’t just the “bad guy” anymore, he’s the BAD GUY!”
― Michael J. Sullivan

“Real mothers don't just listen with humble embarrassment to the elderly lady who offers unsolicited advice in the checkout line when a child is throwing a tantrum. We take the child, dump him in the lady's cart, and say, "Great. Maybe you can do a better job."

Real mothers know that it's okay to eat cold pizza for breakfast.

Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than to succeed.”
― Jodi Picoult, House Rules

“Life is a banquet and most poor s.o.b.'s are starving to death." Auntie Mame”
― Patrick Dennis, Auntie Mame: An Irreverent Escapade

“People have to follow their hearts, and if their hearts lead them to WalMart, so be it.”
― Maynard James Keenan

“Dad, one of my first memories is of sharing my worry with you about the space shuttle poking holes in the atmosphere and letting out all of Earth's air.”
― Brent Weeks, The Way of Shadows

“My father had the spirit and integrity of a scientist, but he was a salesman. I remember asking him the question "How can a man of integrity be a salesman?"

He said to me, "Frankly, many salesmen in the business are not straightforward--they think it's a better way to sell. But I've tried being straightforward, and I find it has its advantages. In fact, I wouldn't do it any other way. If the customer thinks at all, he'll realize he has had some bad experience with another salesman, but hasn't had that kind of experience with you. So in the end, several customers will stay with you for a long time and appreciate it.”
― Richard Feynman

“But there simply was no grey area for him. There was only black, white, and annoying.”
― G.A. Aiken, Last Dragon Standing

“Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.”
― Mark Twain

“No one ever excused his way to success.”
― Dave Del Dotto

“Change is not a four letter word...but often your reaction to it is!”
― Jeffrey Gitomer, Jeffrey Gitomer's Little Book of Leadership: The 12.5 Strengths of Responsible, Reliable, Remarkable Leaders That Create Results, Rewards, and Resilience