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Ray & Eddie are the two protagonists of the Inside No. 9 episode "A Quiet Night In". They are a pair of hapless and dim-witted thieves who are trying to steal the off-white painting in Gerald and Sabrina's house.
They were portrayed by series creators Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton respectively.
Biographies[]
Ray and Eddie first appear attempting to sneak in through the backdoor of Gerald and Sabrina's home while Gerald is sitting in the kitchen eating his dinner. Unfortunately for the duo there are motion sensor lights installed on the back of the house, Ray orders Eddie to wait in the garden while he'll sneak in and let him in after he uses chloroform to incapacitate Gerald, Ray never gets the chance to approach Gerald as Eddie keeps texting him asking questions much to Ray's fury, after nearly being spotted by Gerald thanks to Eddie's persistence Ray snaps and messages him back "STOP TEXTING ME YOU DUCKING (autocorrected from f**king) IDIOT!". Shortly after this Gerald gets up and goes to the toilet allowing Ray the chance to let Eddie in through the front door. Eddie then confronts Ray over the message in an offended manner before Ray throws his phone in a bush and pulls him inside.
The two then headed for the toilet door to try and determine how long Gerald will be taking before getting into a silent argument over how long it takes to defecate with Ray arguing it only takes him three minutes, impressing Eddie who claims to take ten. The two determine he's using the toilet to have a BM after hearing a plopping noise and get to work on stealing the painting. When they get to the painting Eddie looks at in disbelief, being confused as to why the painting is worth so much but Ray assures him that it is valuable, they then hear a clanging sound coming from another room in the house and Eddie orders Ray to investigate while he gets to work on the painting. Eddie goes and finds that the couple have a housemaid who is currently preparing a meal and accidentally attracts the attention of a small and excitable dog in the process. Although he tries his best to shoo the dog away he has to limit his contact from it as he's allergic and eventually goes back to the living room where they open the door to try and lure it outside with food only to attract an even bigger dog creating even more trouble and frustrating Ray who eventually manages to humour the larger dog outside before hastily closing the door, in the midst of all this however Ray tries to throw the smaller dog outside, not realising that Ray had slid the door shut and ends up accidentally killing it, much to the disgust of the two. Ray then tells Eddie to stuff him into the umbrella stand to get rid of the evidence but once again he refuses citing his allergies, leaving an infuriated Ray to do it himself as he squashes the dog's corpse with the umbrellas in frustration much to the disgust of Eddie.
Ray goes back to work and Eddie goes to keep an eye on the maiden. In the midst of cutting the painting out of its frame however Ray spots Sabrina coming down the stairs and panics sneaking behind the couch for cover. He makes his way over to the edge of the living room and throws stones from a decorative plant to Eddie in order to attract his attention much to his annoyance, he alerts him of Sabrina's presence. Eddie panics and follows Eddie in hiding behind the sofa, Sabrina turns on the TV and Eddie recognises it as Eastenders playing, before Gerald comes back into the room and sits beside his wife. He turns on his music much to her annoyance as she keeps turning up the TV and eventually the two start squabbling over the TV controller like children, amusing and bewildering Ray and Eddie before Gerald gets the upper hand by removing the batteries dropping them into Sabrina's drink. Annoyed she leaves for the garden and Gerald follows only for the two to get into an argument outside. Eddie figures that the two will be too distracted to notice their presence by their fight and stands up before explaining this logic to Ray and the two manage to cut the painting from the canvas, Ray asks Eddie for a piece of cloth only to be handed a tiny handkerchief much to his annoyance. Eddie then gets the idea of using kitchen roll, napkins and foil to cover up the rest of the missing painting which Ray agrees to.
When they finally remove the painting Gerald and Sabrina return to the house and she stands directly atop the painting, making both Ray and Eddie cringe in fear that she'll tear it with her heels but she moves fairly quickly to their relief. Before they get a chance to grab the painting back however the maiden picks it up from the floor, mistaking it for laundry. When the three disperse Ray orders Eddie to get the painting back from the washing machine, when the latter attempts to do so however he is discovered by the maiden who pepper sprays him leading him to scream in agony, the maiden is then discovered and quickly incapacitated by Ray via chloroform. He stashes her in the coat cupboard and rushes to check on Eddie and the painting, hushing the former from screaming while trying to retrieve the painting, only for it to get pulled away upstairs via a laundry shoot. Ray rushes off to find where it's ended up while Eddie tries to recover his eyesight quickly.
Ray finds himself in Sabrina's room while she's dumping her laundry (including the painting) onto her bed before stuffing all of it into a padlocked suitcase. She goes into the toilet and Ray tries to break into her case while she's in there. Meanwhile Eddie accidentally makes his eye problems worse when he accidentally puts chillies over his eyes mistaking them for cucumbers while his eyes were closed and he decides to retreat to the toilet in order to wash his face to cool them off. At this time Ray is struggling to get into the case but notices that Sabrina has taken off her jeans, leading him to try and swipe the keys from her pocket, as soon as he reaches her pocket however a blonde wig falls to the floor much to Ray's confusion, he then looks up to see Sabrina urinating revealing that she's transgender. Ray quickly shakes off the surprise of seeing this and returns to his original task only once again to be fixated on the subject until Sabrina closes the door, leading him to try picking the lock again before she eventually returns to the bedroom forcing him to hide under the bed where he finds a sex doll and accidentally punctures it twice, leading to him nearly being discovered once again by Sabrina however she eventually leaves after Ray manages to push her slipper towards her reach inconspicuously. He pulls the case onto the ground, surprised at how heavy it is before reuniting with Eddie who rushes to help him, having finally dulled his eye pain. While the two are looking for a solution to the case problem they hear a loud bang coming from downstairs although brush it off as nothing, not realising that what they heard was a gunshot from Gerald killing Sabrina.
The two elect to steal the entire case and make their way downstairs before hearing the doorbell, after which they retreat back to Sabrina's room and look for a way to drop the suitcase to the ground without damaging the painting. Ray goes back downstairs to try and find some way of getting the suitcase out of the window and finds the scene of Sabrina's death although doesn't put two and two together due to the sofa being covered in tomato soup as well. In a stroke of luck he finds a basket full of cleaning products and a clothesline, he decides to take the clothesline only to be greeted by a man named Paul who was selling the aforementioned items, resulting in Ray purchasing them off of him. He returns upstairs to try and lower the case out of the window with Eddie but they both fail numerous times only for on their final attempt to be caught by Gerald who they accidentally kill by dropping the clothesline leaving the case to fall onto his head.
The duo run down the stairs to see if the painting is okay only to find it floating in the swimming pool outside, they both share a look of disappointment and defeat only to be shot in the head abruptly by Paul who reveals himself to the audience via a phone call to his associate that he was also a thief and after the same item, although didn't realise that what he ended up stealing was a copy improvised by Ray and Eddie and that the real thing was floating in the swimming pool outside instead.
Personalities[]
Ray[]
Ray appears to be the leader of the duo and is slightly more intelligent than Ray although still fairly stupid. He is quite cautious and skilled in stealth and is incredibly impatient and easily frustrated. He is still quite polite however if a little irritable as shown from his brief interaction with Paul. He also seems to get along well with Eddie although finds some of the things he says to be ludicrous and baffling.
Eddie[]
Eddie is the more unintelligent of the duo although still is quite insightful as he comes up with an few improvised ideas and correctly deduced that while Gerald and Sabrina were arguing they would too distracted to see him and Eddie. He is also quite incompetent however as he manages to get himself caught twice and didn't realise that texting Ray while they were attempting to burgle a house was a bad idea. He also gets along fairly well with Ray although much like the former does get annoyed with him for his personality at times.
Appearances[]
Ray[]
Ray is a skinny, athletic man who is slightly shorter than Eddie. He has handsome features, very pale skin, a brown moustache and blue eyes, he appears to be in his late thirties or early forties. He wears an all black outfit as standard for burglars including a black bomber jacket, jeans, balaclava and boots. He also has a toolbelt around his waist.
Eddie[]
Eddie is a slightly larger man than Ray and also appears to be a handsome man in his late thirties to early forties, he has fair skin, green eyes and wears a black jacket, jumper, trousers, belt and balaclava.
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 Villains
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League of Gentlemen Psychoville Inside No. 9 | ||