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The story of the sadistic hooligan John Paul from several properties made by Limmy.

Limmy's World of Glasgow[]

The Beast[]

This story follows John Paul as he is preparing to on a night out with his friend Craig before getting a phone call from a woman. Quickly realizing she's got the wrong number John Paul tells her this and she hangs up without apologizing, infuriating him to the point of him calling off his night with Craig in order to exact revenge. He then calls the women multiple times for the next three hours, driving her insane with each call ending with him saying "THE BEAST!" and usually paired with some kind of fake accent or different tone in order to trick her into thinking he was someone else.

He continued to this over the next few weeks, to the point where even the woman's boyfriend got involved demanding to know who it was that was harassing them, each time John Paul gave the same response of, "THE BEAST!".

Eventually they stopped answering the phone, indicating that they cut off their phone and got a new one, leaving John Paul satisfied, as he claims this has happened before.

Junior[]

This story follows John Paul waiting for his cousin Junior to come over and fix his computer, to the pass the time while waiting for him to arrive, the two were joking and having a laugh over the phone until someone interrupts their conversation to talk to Junior, confusing John Paul since he'd already spoken to the conductor and wasn't travelling with anyone. Junior explains that it was just someone asking him to be quiet, and although annoyed he asks John Paul to leave it at that and not confront the man. John Paul refuses however, and asks where the man's getting off, and realizes it's at the same station as his own much to his satisfaction, in spite of Junior's protests. He anticipated this confrontation and hid in the station and eventually saw Junior and another man getting off of the train. After Junior walks past John Paul immediately jumps the man screaming "Remember me mate? CRASH!", all the while the man screams back at him asking what's going on and what he was hitting him for.

Unphased John Paul kicks the man in the face and demands he heads back the way he came. The man now terrified frantically asks him what he means, before John Paul shoves him onto the railway tracks and forces him to walk back to where he came from, all the while crying in fear and humiliation before begging  John Paul to allow him back, he wouldn't budge however and simply kept screaming at him to walk or get stabbed. Junior tried to intervene but John Paul almost immediately shut him down, telling him to keep out of it. Unfortunately though much to his annoyance Junior headed up towards the man to presumably apologise and reason with him and didn't even get to fix his computer.

Pizza Hut[]

While walking past a pizza hut, John Paul gets annoyed at the sight of a family sitting and enjoying their meal and consequently chaps the window to the table they were sitting at, only to blow snot all over it, much to the disgust of the parents, all the children were crying and a man in the back of the restaurant was staring at John Paul, shaking his head, putting John Paul into a fit of fury. He waited outside the restaurant for an hour and a quarter until the man and someone he was sitting with eventually walked out, listening into their conversation he heard them talking about him and calling him a ned, leading to him revealing himself, using a knuckle duster he punched the man right in his stomach leading to him vomiting and being winded.

Toilet[]

This story follows John Paul while he's waiting to be served in McDonald's before being asked by someone if there was a toilet in the restaurant, much to his amusement. He responds to the man "You're a f**king toilet!", spooking him into leaving the building. John Paul followed him, as he went from place to place asking more people until he eventually headed into a pub to use one.

John Paul followed him, and stood right next to him at the urinal and continued to pester the man as he nervously tried to do the toilet, eventually the man gives up and tries to go to a cubicle but John Paul wasn't having it, instead forcing him to stand at the urinal until he finally used it, the man simply stood there terrified, trying his best to urinate, eventually straining himself so hard that he ended up farting instead. This prompts John Paul to slam the man's face into the toilet tiles, breaking his nose, before punching him directly in the kidney, causing his urine to burst out and pour all over his body. Disgusted John Paul looks on at the man and berates him, before eventually repeating himself again that the man's a toilet before leaving.

Heineken[]

This story follows John Paul while he's on a flight to London, when the stewardess approaches him, he asks for a can of Heineken, she asks him if he's eighteen, before leaving to double check his age. Much to his fury she returns and refuses to give him the drink and even tells him off for asking for alcohol when he's under-age. Furious and insulted she leaves and tells him she won't stand for his behavior. While she's leaving however, John Paul manages to read her name tag and realizes who she is, "Angie Simpson", and tells her he knows she's from Dalmarnock and has a two year old daughter called Leslie, stunned she asks how he knew that, before he tells her that she knows him and his family, and even threatens to stab her child when he gets back home.

Scared she approaches John Paul again and agrees to give him his can of Heineken, and he backs down from his threat. She walks away terrified and eventually returns and John Paul uses this to his complete advantage, requesting more and more cans, just to spite her. Eventually when departing from the plane, he approaches Angie once again, thanking her and rambling on and on about how drunk he is in front of the entire staff as well as the fellow passengers. With another patron threatening to write a complaint that Angie will lose her job, John Paul leaves the plane, laughing in victory.

Taxi Driver[]

This story follows John Paul calling for a private taxi and eventually it arrives, and the driver asks him where he's going and John Paul asks him to take him into the town, and the two make mundane conversation, out of curiosity John Paul asks him what happens if he breaks down the motorway and he explains that they'll just be stuck if that's the case since he can't let people off on the motorway. John Paul then starts antagonizing the man, then spits on him, the man starts arguing with him. The driver threatens to get the police involved, but John Paul continuously beats and attacks the man until eventually he throws him out of the car.

Dali[]

This story follows John Paul in the Kelvin Grove Art Gallery, where he heads over to look at a painting of Jesus, planning on slashing it since somebody else had already done it and he wanted to give it a try as well. Unfortunately for him however, he finds that the painting is protected in a glass case. John Paul looked around to see if anyone was watching and spat on the glass, before hiding around the corner when someone approached to look at the painting. Although grossed out the man simply walked away and didn't think much of the spit, before John Paul turned back yet again and spat on the glass once more and turned away, all the while another two patrons came by and were repulsed by the spit, much to John Paul's amusement. On his next attempt however he was confronted by a skinny young man who told him he was going to tell one of the security guards.

In response John Paul effortlessly grabbed him and slammed his face right into the glass and directly onto his spit, the young man tried to break free but it was no use and in the struggle the painting fell down and John Paul dropped him to the floor before heading out. The young man was then pulled away by the security guards and framed as the vandal, all the while John Paul walked away laughing.

Bunnet[]

This story follows John Paul walking along, beside a line of traffic, while walking he hears a boy shouting in one of the cars "The man with the bunnet done it!", realizing he was wearing his cap John Paul concluded that he was talking to him, and consequently sprinted towards the car and smashed the window on the driver's side. He then grabbed the driver who was the boy's father and told the boy he was going to kill him for what he said.

In a panic the father drove off to the side of the road and crashed straight into a lamppost. Although not sure if he killed them or not John Paul ran off laughing over the situation.

Bonny[]

This story follows John Paul attending a bonfire in Florida for Guy Fawkes night, eventually a girl on the other side of the fire from her started looking in his direction, and decided to confront her, storming over to her and asking what her "dirty" looks for her. In embarrassment she tries to tell him that she just thought she recognized him but John Paul wasn't having it. At this moment a guy appeared to the girl's defense, asking John Paul to give her a break, John Paul then pulled out his machete and threatened the guy, telling him to stand up otherwise he'd hurt the girl with it, the guy stands up, asking what it is he wants and John Paul told him to run through the bonfire, the guy objects but John Paul threatens to stab both the girl and him if the guy refused and as a result he runs straight through it without hesitation, and trips over in the center of the fire, the guy begged for help and several patrons came to his aid, all the while John Paul watched on before slapping the girl who was looking at him and running away.

Donald Dewer[]

This story follows John Paul getting annoyed over the council's treatment of the Donald Dewer statue in Buchanan Street, Glasgow, and consequently decides to climb it and remove the glasses from it's face. Unfortunately for John Paul he fails at this task as they're secured stiffly to the statue's face, and an old lady catches him in the act of vandalism and berates him for it. In rage John Paul turns his attention to her instead and punches her in the face, breaking her glasses.

He then runs off taunting the lady and laughing to himself.

Limmy's Show[]

Park[]

The sketch opens with John Paul lurking behind a tree before noticing a good target, a short man with dark hair and a rucksack walking through the park. He almost immediately starts antagonizing the man before following him and disturbing him by throwing a conker at his head, he then tells the man to get out of the park to which he frustratedly obliges to.

When he tries to leave however John Paul blocks the gate, and in spite of the man asking him to leave him be, John Paul refuses demanding him to find his own gate, before heading to the park's other gate much to the man's exasperation. John Paul continues to follow the man before finding him trying to leave by climbing a fence, in response John Paul starts attacking the man until he gets down, leading to him sprinting away much to John Paul's amusement.

After fearing he escaped however John Paul gets angry before noticing him hiding underneath a tree, much to his satisfaction, he then throws a rock over the tree and it lands on the man's head knocking him unconscious. Amused and satisfied John Paul finally leaves the man alone and heads home.

Toilet[]

This sketch opens with John Paul in a chip shop waiting for his bag of chips to be prepared before a man asks him if there's a toilet in there, to which he responds "You're a toilet!", the man asks the waitress the same question instead and she tells him that it's not working at that time. The man then heads to a pub and John Paul follows him after picking up his chips.

He goes into the toilet and notices the man is in a cubicle and in response he picks up all of the paper towels and urinates over them until they're soaking wet before throwing them over the top of the neighboring cubicle, drenching the man in pee much to his horror. After the man leaves completely soaked and disgusted John Paul once again shouts, "You're a toilet!" before leaving.

This sketch was a remake of the WOG story of the same name.

Computer[]

The sketch opens with John Paul as he tries to turn on his computer only to be met with an error screen much to his frustration. He calls his cousin Junior to come over and fix it, and an amused (much to John Paul's irritation) Junior tells him he'll head down.

After looking at his clock and realizing hours have passed he calls Junior again, only to be met with his laughter. Annoyed he asks what Junior's laughing at before Junior tries to tell him that he's on his way before being cut off. Confused John Paul asks what was going on and after being told by Junior that someone just asked him to be quiet, he asks where the man's getting off of the train to which Junior begrudgingly tells him was at his station while trying to convince him not to confront the man. Excited John Paul heads down to meet Junior, and in spite of the latter's protests immediately goes to confront and harass the man, right-hooking him immediately after approaching him. The man confused and outraged demands to know why he was attacked before being forced by John Paul to go back to the train tracks, and climb the fence.

Junior protests to John Paul's cruelty who rebuffs him and asks again to fix his computer, Junior refuses however making John Paul force him to go with the man, amused he laughs and bellows out to Junior who tries to apologize for his cousin's actions in the distance.

After this, John Paul goes back home and tries once again turning on his computer only to be met with the same error screen, prompting him to smash his keyboard and later his entire computer in a fit of fury.

This sketch was a remake of the WOG story called Junior.

Fishing[]

This sketch simply follows John Paul attaching a note to a fishing rod and dangling it into the streets below, rather quickly he catches a man screaming in pain and reels his line back in only to find a note covered in blood much to his amusement.