This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Ma and Pa's Big Hurrah" from season 13, which aired on March 10, 2023.

• [The episode begins with a pan of Avocondo Acres.]
• French Narrator: Ah, Avocondo Acres, Bikini Bottom's premier retirement community. This is where we find Harold and Margaret, [fade to the inside of a house, with a framed photo of SpongeBob and his parents] the parents of the ocean's most exceptional multicellular organism, SpongeBob SquarePants.
• [Harold is reading a newspaper and Margaret is knitting.]
• Margaret: [sniffs] Harold, do you smell that? It smells like something... rotting.
• [Avocado goop falls on Harold's head. He wipes it off his glasses.]
• Harold: [groans] It's begun. [grabs Margaret] We better run!
• [He carries her outside as the house rots. An old fish rides by on a motor scooter.]
• Harold and Margaret: Oh...
• Old fish: I tell people to rub their homes with lemon juice and wrap it in plastic! But do they listen?
• Margaret: Oh, Harold, what will we do?
• Harold: Well, we'll just have to grow a new home. [takes a giant avocado seed] And in the meantime, we can stay with our son.
• [Bubble transition to Margaret and Harold driving away from Avocado Acres. On the site of their house is now an avocado seed in a giant cup of water. Fade to SpongeBob's house.]
• SpongeBob: [off-screen] Take cover, Gary!
• [SpongeBob is wearing roller skates and a stuntman outfit with a bunch of soda bottles taped to it.]
• SpongeBob: Watch this! I jump up and down. [gestures to soda bottles] The soda bottles pop their corks and [pushes Gary down] send me careening dangerously around the room! I may not survive. [laughs]
• Gary: Meow.
• [SpongeBob's phone rings.]
• SpongeBob: [answers phone] Hello? [indistinct gibberish] Oh, hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Your house? Oh, no. Stay with me? Why, of course you can! [hangs up] Ooh, guess what, Gary. Mom and Dad are coming over to stay at our place for the very first time! [smiles]
• Gary: Meow.
• [SpongeBob realizes something, and his face falls.]
• SpongeBob: I just thought of something. My parents haven't seen me in a while. They'll be expecting their son to be a little more, well, adult-- grown-up, [pinches fingers] mature-- and look at me! [close-up of him] And look at this place! [the house sparkles] It's a filthy mess!
• [Bubble transition to SpongeBob cleaning the walls of his house with a floor buffer. It goes too fast and he spins out of control.]
• SpongeBob: Whoa!
• [Patrick is seen on the other side of the wall.]
• Patrick: Peek-a-boo.
• French Narrator: [as a soap bar reading "Clean" transitions] Clean!
• [SpongeBob vacuums the floors and walls of the house, sucking up the furniture.]
• SpongeBob: Whoa!
• [The vacuum rips up the carpet, revealing Patrick laying between the floorboards.]
• Patrick: [pokes eye] I see you. [points at SpongeBob]
• French Narrator: [as a vacuum reading "So Clean" transitions] So clean!
• [SpongeBob scrubs the toilet. Patrick comes out.]
• SpongeBob: What?
• Patrick: We gotta stop meeting like this.
• [Another Patrick is holding a newspaper.]
• Patrick #2: You almost done?
• [SpongeBob transitions cleaning the screen.]
• SpongeBob: Whee!
• [Harold and Margaret drive up to SpongeBob's house.]
• Margaret: Ooh! Won't this be fun, dear? I'm looking forward to hanging out with a hip, young urbanite like our boy.
• Harold: Oh, yes, dear. We can really use an injection of youthful spirit, vitality, and dare I say, [whispering] recklessness. [both giggle]
• [Harold knocks at the door, and it opens.]
• Harold and Margaret: Huh?
• [Harold falls on the floor and sees SpongeBob wearing a fez and robe, blowing a bubble pipe.]
• SpongeBob: [posh accent] Hello, Mater, Pater. This is truly a pleasure. [blows kiss]
• [The kiss lands on Margaret's cheek.]
• Margaret: Ooh!
• SpongeBob: [gesturing inside] Won't you entrée?
• French Narrator: [narrating time card] One-- [clears throat] entrée later...
• [Cut to Harold and Margaret on the couch, smiling at SpongeBob. SpongeBob has a serious expression. Harold and Margaret look bored. Harold coughs.]
• Margaret: So... what are we gonna do today? I can't wait to hit the town!
• SpongeBob: [hands them papers] I have taken the liberty of writing up an agenda of activities that I know all of us adults will find most stimulating.
• [SpongeBob puts on some spectacles and pulls up a podium. Unable to see over the podium, he grabs a stepstool and gets on it. He brings in a chalkboard with a drawing of Conch Street and sips a cup of tea.]
• SpongeBob: [points to houses] We'll begin with a leisurely walk about the neighborhood so we can critique other people's lawns. After that-- [spins the board to show SpongeBob and his parents talking, with speech bubbles reading "Politics", "Taxes", "Everything is Bad"] conversations about [points to words] taxes, politics, and how things aren't nearly as good as they used to be, [Harold and Margaret are confused] then an early-bird dinner, and we'll top it off with bedtime at 4:00 p.m.
• Harold: But son, this isn't--
• Margaret: [shoves her paper in his mouth] Whatever you say, son. We're your guests.
• French Narrator: [narrating time card reading "4 PM"] 4 o'clock in the afternoon.
• [Harold and Margaret lay awake in SpongeBob's bed. SpongeBob sets out some Goofy Goober mugs of milk and turns a radio on.]
• SpongeBob: Some warm milk and the soothing sounds of disapproval to whisk you off to your slumbers.
• Recorded Voice: [stilted] Tsk-tsk. Mm-mm-mm-mm. You are so grounded.
• [Squidward's clarinet playing is heard outside. SpongeBob opens his window and yells at him.]
• SpongeBob: Will you puh-lease stop that con-founded racket!? Some grown-ups are trying to sleep in here! [shuts window]
• Squidward: [scared] Sorry, sir! [confused] What? [angry] Wait a minute.
• [SpongeBob sleeps on the couch, and Gary sleeps on a chair. Fish are seen walking their snails outside.]
• SpongeBob: Good night, my dear gastropod.
• [Gary meows and spins around in bed but meows again angrily. Cut back to Harold and Margaret in bed.]
• Harold: Margaret, dear, I'm afraid our son has become, well, a fuddy duddy. [adjusts glasses] Pardon my language.
• Margaret: Well, I was gonna say "bummer, a downer, and a total drag."
• Harold: What do you say we sneak out and have some fun?
• Margaret: [already climbing out the window] Way ahead of ya!
• [Harold smiles and gets out of bed. They climb down a ladder, run outside, and drive off. That night, they drive back and stumble out of the car. Harold wears a lampshade. They dance on the car, and Harold falls off. They enter the house, laughing, when SpongeBob catches them. He is wearing his nightclothes and has visible stubble.]
• [Harold and Margaret gasp.]
• SpongeBob: Where have you two been? It is 8 o'clock at night. I was worried sick.
• Margaret: We were just having a little fun.
• [Harold puts his hat back on.]
• SpongeBob: You're both acting like children. [takes hat off and stands up, crosses arms]
• Harold: [points] And you're acting like a square!
• SpongeBob: [gasps] I [face morphs to be square] am square, and I've already committed to acting mature, whether you like it or not.
• Margaret: Okay, Mr. Mature, it's time for you to have some fun, whether you like it or not!
• Harold: It's Bikini Bottom after dark, baby! [pauses] It's gonna be wild. [record scratching, gestures at camera] Woot, woot!
• [Cut to SpongeBob and his parents in the car. As Harold steps on the gas, they drive to Squidward's house. Margaret giggles and throws a roll of toilet paper on it.]
• Harold: Go on, son. Join her.
• SpongeBob: Hmph.
• Harold: That is an order, son! [points]
• SpongeBob: [scared] Oh, okay!
• [SpongeBob nervously leaves.]
• Harold: [leans back] I still got it.
• Margaret: [holding toilet paper] Come on, killjoy. Don't be such a party pooper. [gives him toilet paper and backs away, chants] Do it! Do it!
• SpongeBob: [sighs] [posh accent] This is so childish.
• Squidward: [opens door] What is going--
• [SpongeBob accidentally throws the toilet paper in Squidward's face.]
• Squidward: SpongeBob!
• [SpongeBob screams and runs away. He gets in the car and his parents drive away. A roll of toilet paper on the house falls and hits Squidward on the head. They drive up to a wrestling center.]
• Margaret: Yahoo! Masked luchador wrestling!
• SpongeBob: [blows raspberry] How juvenile.
• [SpongeBob sits in the stands, between his parents.]
• SpongeBob: Well, I guess this is all right. It shouldn't be too wild, just sitting here, watching.
• Harold: [gives him the peanut bag] Uh, we're not here to watch.
• Margaret: [stands up] We're here to wrestle.
• Wrestling Announcer: It's tag team time! [buzzer sounds] Los Diablos vs. Madre y Padre!
• [Harold and Margaret put on wrestling uniforms and jump into the ring. SpongeBob is worried.]
• SpongeBob: Mommy, Daddy, no!
• [The opening bell rings, and wrestlers pound their fists together. Margaret does stretches. Harold runs in place, winds up a punch, and runs. The wrestler bounces him into the ground. Margaret tags him and gets tripped by another wrestler. She bounces off the ropes and into Harold. One Diablo grab Harold and play him like an accordion, and the other spins Margaret around and smashes her into the floor. SpongeBob tries to eat peanuts but reaches his hand through the bag and chews on his hand. One Diablo kicks Harold into the air and another bounces Margaret into the ropes. SpongeBob chews the bag and rocks back and forth in his seat. Los Diablos run into each other and smash Harold and Margaret together.]
• SpongeBob: Mom, Dad! I'm coming! [puts the bag over his head and jumps into the ring, only to see everything empty] Uh, Mom? Dad?
• [Harold and Margaret are in the stands, cheering him on.]
• Harold: 'Atta boy, SpongeBob!
• Margaret: We're rooting for you, kiddo!
• Wrestling Announcer: For our next bout, it's El Muerte vs. Señor Peanuts Bag!
• SpongeBob: Oh, wait, what?
• [Pounding footsteps are heard. A wrestler in a skeleton outfit roars and pounds the ground, then runs forward.]
• SpongeBob: [screams like a woman] Whoa![screams in regular and gets chased around] Mommy, Daddy!
• [El Muerte stops and catches SpongeBob as he runs around, making him spin. El Muerte stomps on Patrick and bends his legs.]
• SpongeBob: No más! No más! [gets grabbed by Harold] Yay! Whoa!
• Harold: Now, wasn't that fun?
• [An injured SpongeBob walks off. Harold, Margaret, and SpongeBob drive away.]
• Margaret: Whoo-hoo!
• [El Muerte gets up and takes his helmet off, revealing him to be Patrick.]
• Patrick: [grunts] Where'd that peanut bag guy go? [stomach grumbles] I'm hungry.
• [A hot dog-themed wrestler approaches Patrick.]
• Hot Dog Wrestler: How 'bout a hot dog?
• [Cut to the outside of a roller rink.]
• SpongeBob: [off-screen] I never even knew there was a 24-hour roller rink in Bikini Bottom. [as everyone skates inside, SpongeBob and his parents have roller skates on] Well, I guess skating slowly around and around a roller rink isn't so wild.
• Margaret: Rink? We're skating through town. [she and Harold jump away]
• Harold: Ha-ha!
• Margaret: Whoo!
• [A fish is sent flying from the impact.]
• Harold: Whoops, excuse me!
• [Harold and Margaret skate out of the roller rink. SpongeBob follows them on skates.]
• SpongeBob: Hey!
• [Harold and Margaret skate past a garbage can, knocking it over, and scare an alley snail away.]
• SpongeBob: Will you two please act your age?
• [In a hotel, the elevator opens and Harold and Margaret skate out. Margaret rings the bell. A doorman reaches for pay, but SpongeBob comes out and knocks him over.]
• SpongeBob: Please stop!
• [Lady Upturn and a rich man appear in the elevator and see the doorman knocked out. The rich man shuts the elevator again. Harold and Margaret skate in the hospital, pushing two senior citizens in wheelchairs.]
• Harold and Margaret: Whoo-hoo!
• SpongeBob: [riding on a hospitalized patient] Will you slow down? This is crazy!
• [They go on a roller coaster at Glove World, through the ocean.]
• SpongeBob: [exhausted] Please, I beg you...
• [As Squidward is still cleaning up the toilet paper, Harold and Margaret skate back home, laughing. SpongeBob follows them, panting heavily. Harold and Margaret land on the couch. SpongeBob struggles to stop his skates and faceplants.]
• SpongeBob: Oh, I just wanted to impress you two by showing you what a mature adult I've become. But no, you wanted wild. Okay, fine! [pulls pants up] You want wild? [screaming] I'll show you! [pulls off his skin to reveal his stuntman uniform] Wild!
• [SpongeBob repeatedly bounces up and down. Gary goes next to Margaret, who pets him. SpongeBob launches the soda bottles and flies around, knocking over furniture and putting holes in the house. After a burst of smoke, the house is completely destroyed. The door falls off, showing Harold, Margaret, and Gary hiding behind the couch. Empty soda bottles fall from the sky. SpongeBob, asleep, gently falls down. Harold and Margaret catch him.]
• Harold: Aw, the boy's asleep, all tuckered out. [checks clock] Well, our new avocondo should be ripe right now. He'll have to stay with us until he can regrow his pineapple.
• Margaret: [carrying Gary, skating away with him] I wonder when he'll really grow up and be mature.
• Harold: Hopefully not too soon. Am I right, dear?
• [Patrick, still in his wrestling outfit, runs up with a hot dog.]
• Patrick: [panting] Señor Peanuts Bag! I want satisfaction! [pauses] Or peanuts... [iris out pauses on him] But rather peanuts. [iris out continues]