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A transcript is a retrospective written record of dialogue, and like a script (a prospective record) may include other scene information such as props or actions. In the case of a transcript of a film or television episode, ideally it is a verbatim record. Because closed-captioning is usually written separately, its text may have errors and does not necessarily reflect the true Canonical transcript.
Transcripts for Lost episodes up to and including "Enter 77" are based on the transcriptions by Lost-TV member Spooky with aid of DVR, and at times, closed captions for clarification. She and Lost-TV have generously granted us permission to share/host these transcripts at Lostpedia. Later transcripts were created by the Lostpedia community, unless stated otherwise below.
Disclaimer: This transcript is intended for educational and promotional purposes only, and may not be reproduced commercially without permission from ABC. The description contained herein represents viewers' secondhand experience of ABC's Lost.
Noileh is responsible for this transcription.
The following Lost Untangled episodes were produced by ABC Fred Lab.
Videos are available on the main page, as are descriptions.
See the main article for more information regarding their production and release.
"The Little Prince"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is Lost Untangled.
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: In the beginning, a plane broke apart over the South Pacific. A bunch of folks were stranded on a mysterious island for 108 days with smoke monsters, polar bears, yeah, you get the idea. Okay. Only six were rescued, the rest vanished along with the Island... don't worry, I'll get back to that. Now the ones who were rescued have gotta go back and save the people they left behind. Phew. That's four seasons in a nutshell.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: Okay... yeah-yeah it's okay to be a little confused because that's what makes Lost so great. Alright, let's get into the last episode of Lost. What's happening to our friends on the Island right now? Turns out they're traveling through time. Every time the bright light flashes, BAM! they're in a different time. Yeah, I know - whazzup with that? Well, maybe Locke can help.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
LOCKE: Time travel... isn't confusing! It's our destiny... and it's calling us.
SAWYER: No eight-ball! We're clearly moving through time when the sky fires up and it's been happening since the Island disappeared in the last year's finale!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Well, uh.. this isn't rocket science. Or, maybe it is. Let's see if the Island's resident physicist Daniel Faraday can clear things up.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach] [Daniel cut-out enters]
DANIEL: We and the Island are... slipping through time, it's like a record skipping - do you know what a record is? It, doesn't matter - The Island is moving through time and we are moving with it.
[Daniel cut-out exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: There you go - it does take a rocket scientist to explain it! Who knew? So, why might you ask, is all this happening?
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
LOCKE: This is all happening because they left! Oh and because Ben turned a giant wheel that lit up the sky!
[Miles cut-out enters]
MILES: So how do you stop it?
[Miles cut-out exits]
LOCKE: We have to bring the six who were rescued back to the Island!
SAWYER: That's the plan destiny man?
LOCKE: We must go to the Orchid station - the place where it all started.
[Miles cut-out enters]
MILES: Right after I clean up this bloody nose.
[Miles cut-out exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile our other survivors are back in the city trying to figure out what to do next and Kate, as always, has her issues.
[Scene changes to action figures, in a city]
KATE: Jack! Someone's trying to take my son!
JACK: Who would do that?
KATE: I don't know, but I --
JACK: WE HAVE TO GO BACK KATE!
KATE: Cut the crap Jack! I'm so tired of hearing that! What about Aaron? Who's trying to take him away?
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Indeed. Lying, scheming, conniving and above all - diabolical - Ben Linus?
[Scene changes to action figures, in a city] [Ben cut-out enters]
BEN: Hello Kate.
KATE: YOU! You are trying to take my baby away!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Yes! It's true! Ben wants Kate's son, Aaron, who isn't really her son at all, but I digress.
[Scene changes to action figures, in a city]
JACK: Ben is on our side. He's going to help us get back to the Island.
KATE: That's what this is about? I am not going!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: If you think Kate has issues, Sun is ready to take a whack at this guy.
[Scene changes to action figures, in a city] [Sun action figure enters]
SUN: You killed my husband.
BEN: I didn't kill your husband.
SUN: Yes you did! And now, bug-eyes, I'm going to blow your head off with this gun I got in a box of chocolates!
BEN: Don't shoot. Jin is alive and I can prove it. Can I have a candy?
[Scene flashes over to a Sayid cut-out]
SAYID: Ooops!
[Sayid cut-out exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Believe it or not, but in fact Ben is right. Jin is definitely alive, but trapped on the Island, 20 years in the past? Yes, you got it - that time traveling thing again.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
JIN: What uh, year is it?
[Rousseau cut-out enters]
ROUSSEAU: It's uh, 1988. And by the way, my name is Danielle Rousseau.
[Rousseau cut-out exits] [Jin action figure disappears in an Island flash] [Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
LOCKE: Oh yeah! Time travel is cool! It's our destiny! And now, we know how Danielle, the French lady, got to the Island!
SAWYER: That's fine and dandy, chrome-dome, but how the heck did Kate get back in the jungle?
LOCKE: Rocket... science!
[Sawyer figure falls over in sand] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Great. So here's a touch more untangling. Ben turned a giant wheel. Now the Island is moving through time, Jin is alive, Locke and Sawyer have a plan to bring everyone back, Kate finds out Ben is trying to take her baby and Sun wants to murder Ben because she thinks he killed her husband. That's it. Episode 5x04, The Little Prince, untangled.
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of Lost Untangled.
"This Place Is Death"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is Lost Untangled.
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: In the beginning, a plane broke apart over the South Pacific. A bunch of folks were stranded on a mysterious island for 108 days with smoke monsters, polar bears, yeah, you get the idea. Okay. Only six were rescued, the rest vanished along with the Island... don't worry, I'll get back to that. Now the ones who were rescued have gotta go back and save the people they left behind. Phew. That's four seasons in a nutshell.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: So, here we are. Season 5. Lost is back Wednesdays at 9/8 central on ABC! Now, let's do some untangling of "This Place is Death". The Island is still moving through time. Jin, it turns out, wasn't blown up on the freighter. Locke and Sawyer have hatched a plan to bring everyone back. Kate knows that Ben wants her baby and Sun wants to blow Ben's head off, not for the baby thing, but for killing her husband who is not really dead, if only Sun knew.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the city]
SUN: Prepare to die you son of a --
BEN: Wait! Don't shoot. Jin is alive.
JACK AND KATE: *gasp*
SUN: Prove it now, bug-eyes, or I'll fill you full of lead!
BEN: Nooo.
SUN: Or, plastic?
BEN: Not that! I can prove it. But we have to visit someone special. It's the same person who can get us back to the Island.
KATE: I'm out of here!
JACK: Kate.. wait! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!
[Sayid cut-out enters]
SAYID: I am with you, Kate.
BEN: Oh my. I may need a new plan.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Kate and Sayid exit, stage left. The rest are off to visit Ben's mystery woman in this fancy van. Once there, Ben reveals the wedding band, proving that Jin is still alive. Sun, surprised, decides to join the Ben-Jack alliance then... da da da! A surprise visit from... wait for it... wait another second for it... DESMOND!
[Scene changes to action figures, in the city]
DESMOND: Brotha, what are you doing here, brotha?
BEN: Same thing you're doing here, brotha.
DESMOND: I'm not you're brotha, brotha. I'm here for Faraday's mother, brotha.
BEN: Well isn't that special. Let's go... inside.
DESMOND: You first, brotha.
BEN: I'm not your brotha. Didn't we go over that?
[Ben and Desmond exit the scene] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: And that's where our city leave off. Jack, Sun, Ben and surprise visitor, Desmond, have found Faraday's mum and are about to get some intell[igence] on getting back to that crazy, time traveling paradise. Now, on the Island, Jin is clearly confused. There are French people, speaking French, all around, and uh, oh yeah, it's uh 1988. What? At least until the next big flash.
[Scene changes to action figures, on the beach]
JIN: Where is my camp?
DANIELLE: There is no camp monsieur!
ROBERT/MONTAND: I don't see a camp.
DANIELLE: Do you?
ROBERT/MONTAND: I don't. Nope.
DANIELLE: No camp.
ROBERT/MONTAND: Can't find it.
DANIELLE: Ha ha.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Yup, they're right. No camp. But there is a smoke monster and said monster has a taste for French cuisine!
[Scene changes to action figures, on the beach] [Smoke monster is attacking each figure individually]
ROBERT/MONTAND: Oh no! Look out! Run!
JIN: Walt!
DANIELLE: Up about!
ROBERT/MONTAND: Ahhhh! Down below! Go that way!
[Smoke monster roars] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Some folks die, one loses an arm and pretty much everyone is completely freaked out! And uh, just when things are calming down, oh the sky lights up! Jin moves through time and comes face to face with.. some old friends!
[Scene changes to action figures, on the beach]
SAWYER: Hey crouching tiger!
JIN: SAWYER!!!
SAWYER: What the hell are you doing here buddy?
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Jin and the other survivors have been reunited. It's a love fest.
[Scene changes to action figures, on the beach]
JIN: Good to see you!
SAWYER/LOCKE: Hey hey! Alright!
JIN: Good to see you!
SAWYER/LOCKE: Hey hey! Alright!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Okay, back to the story. The islanders are still trying to find the Orchid Station. But with all these flashes, it's getting kind of tough. Oh, and it's also making Charlotte sick. Really sick. Looks like she's gonna croak.
[Scene changes to action figures, on the beach]
CHARLOTTE: Oi! I'm dying Daniel!
[Daniel cut-out enters]
DANIEL: You're.. going to be okay.
[Daniel cut-out exits]
CHARLOTTE: No! I'm dying! And I've been on this island before!
[Daniel cut-out enters]
DANIEL: What are you.. talking about?
[Daniel cut-out exits]
CHARLOTTE: When I was a little girl I remember a man, a crazy man, that told me to leave the Island and if I came back I would die!
[Daniel cut-out enters]
DANIEL: Oh, Charlotte..
CHARLOTTE: That man was you!
[Daniel cut-out exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Locke is going to climb a rope down a well to save the day and get off the Island, turning the wheel that Ben had originally used to start this whole time travel thing. But as soon as he grabs the rope - you guessed it - the sky lights up and down he falls. [scream] One broken leg and a cracked rib later, he's all alone with this guy - Jack's dad - who tells him how to stop this whole time travel thing. And with one last little nudge of the big giant wheel, the sky lights up again.
[Scene changes to action figures, on the beach] [Scene flashes to Locke, Miles and Sawyer] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So, here's the wrap-up. Ben has a small group together and is meeting with Faraday's mum at a mysterious church in L.A. Kate and Sayid have stormed off and refused to be a part of this. On the Island, Charlotte has died, from a hot flash. That's it. This Place is Death, untangled!
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
"316"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: In the beginning, a plane broke apart over the South Pacific. A bunch of folks were stranded on a mysterious island for 108 days with smoke monsters, polar bears, yeah, you get the idea. Okay. Only six were rescued, the rest vanished along with the Island. Now the ones who were rescued have gotta go back and save the people they left behind. Phew. That's four seasons in a nutshell.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: So, here we are. Season 5. Lost is back Wednesdays at 9/8 central on ABC! Now let's do some untangling of the next episode of Lost entitled "316". We begin with our survivors in the city. Jack, Sun, Ben and Desmond have arrived at the mystery church where Faraday's mum hangs out. And apparently it's not just a church, but another secret DHARMA station. Oh snap! Welcome to the Lamp-Post, L.A.'s premiere underground island-finding headquarters complete with giant swinging map thingy.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Lamp-Post Station]
JACK: What is this place?
MRS. HAWKING: This is how the DHARMA Initiative finds the Island.
JACK: What?
[Desmond cut-out appears]
DESMOND: Watch out, brotha!
JACK: Whaaat?
[Pendulum knocks over Jack]
DESMOND: Off, brotha!
MRS. HAWKING: Since the Island is moving, we use all these out-dated computers to pinpoint the location. And your window is about to close.
DESMOND: Hold on brotha! You're all going back to the Island, brotha? Willingly, brotha?
[Sun action figure appears]
SUN: Yes
[Ben action figure appears]
BEN: That's affirmative.
JACK: Yes sir!
MRS. HAWKING: The Island isn't done with you either, Desmond!
DESMOND: I'm done with that bloody island, brotha!
JACK: Whoa!
[Pendulum knocks over Desmond cut-out]
NARRATOR: Um, okay.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So this giant pendulum tells everyone where the Island is, but getting there is another story, and Faraday's mom has the answer.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Lamp-Post Station]
MRS. HAWKING: Come with me, Dr. Shephard.
JACK: Are there more swingy things?
MRS. HAWKING: Don't be such a fool, boy! This is important, so pay attention!
JACK: Sorry ma'am!
MRS. HAWKING: Here you go. It's John Locke's suicide note.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Hold the phone. Suicide? That's how he died? Really? Okay, back to the story.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Lamp-Post Station]
MRS. HAWKING: You will need to take John with you to get back. He's a substitute.
JACK: A substitute? For what?
MRS. HAWKING: Your father. It's how you will re-create the original plane crash.
[Scene flashes to Ben, Sun and Jack] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So here's the break down. For this to work, we need all our survivors on a plane with one dead guy, which was originally Jack's dad, and now it's Locke. How perfect! Looks like we're good to go, which brings us to the airport.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the airport]
OCEANIC FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Greetings and salutations friendly fliers! We are now pre-boarding for Ajira Airways Flight 316.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Side note, their flight number is referencing the Biblical passage, John 3:16; that's for all the fans out there. Okay? Moving on.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the airport]
OCEANIC FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and gentlemen, due to difficult economic times there will be no food or beverage service on Flight 316, thank you.
HURLEY: Dude!
OCEANIC FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Care for a cookie?
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: After four seasons, they're all back on a plane and guess what? Lapidus is the pilot! Remember him from season 4? This doesn't bode well.
[Scene changes to action figures, on an airplane]
BEN: Why do you look so nervous Jack?
JACK: Ahhh! Aren't we about to crash on the Island?
BEN: What gives you that idea?
JACK: Maybe this letter from Locke will calm me down!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: That's right. John wrote Jack a little note and all it says is this: I wish you had believed me. Oh, okay. And then (Oceanic Flight Attendant's voice) - Please fasten your seat belts. Uh oh.
[Scene changes to action figures, on an airplane]
HURLEY: Dude!
JACK: Whoa!
HURLEY: Dude!
KATE: Holy cow!
HURLEY: Dude!
SAYID: Oh my god!
HURLEY: Dude!
SUN: Oh no!
HURLEY: Dude!
BEN: Mmm hmmhmm heee heee ha ha!
HURLEY: Plane's going down dude!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Next thing you know, they're baaack! Jack is in the jungle, Kate and Hurley are in a lagoon, oh and Hurley is screaming for help.
[Scene changes to action figures, at a lake]
HURLEY: Dude!
NARRATOR: Now it's time for Jack Shephard's swan dive to the rescue.
[Jack figure jumps off a cliff and into the lake]
JACK: Hurley! Kate!
HURLEY: Dude.
JACK: Where is everyone else?
[Kate figure enters]
KATE: Hey! There's someone coming!
[Jin figure appears with a DHARMA logo stamped over his body]
JIN: Konnichiwa!
HURLEY: Dude!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So here's the wrap-up. Everyone has met with Faraday's mum in the L.A. DHARMA Station and managed to get on a plane and back to the Island. They did it! And we still have a lot more episodes left. Hell yeah! Jack, Hurley and Kate are all together and the other survivors are nowhere to be found. But, we do get a surprise visit from Jin! Yes, Jin! And why is he wearing a DHARMA outfit? Oh boy! This is getting good. That's it. 316, untangled.
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
"The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: In the beginning, a plane broke apart over the South Pacific. A bunch of folks were stranded on a mysterious island for 108 days with smoke monsters, polar bears, yeah, you get the idea. Okay. Only six were rescued, the rest vanished along with the Island. Now the ones who were rescued have gotta go back and save the people they left behind. Phew. That's four seasons in a nutshell.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: So, here we are. Season 5. Lost is back Wednesdays at 9/8 central on ABC! Now let's do some untangling of the next episode of Lost entitled "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham". We begin with Mr. John Locke. Remember the giant wheel he turned? Yup, it made the sky light up, again. And now, he's off the Island and somehow in the middle of a desert otherwise known as "the exit". Where, he runs into, ohhh, this guy!
[Scene changes to action figures, in a hospital]
WIDMORE: Hello John. It's good to see you again.
LOCKE: Do I know you?
WIDMORE: I'm Charles Widmore. We met when I was seventeen.
LOCKE: But, I met you four days ago! And now, you're an old man!
WIDMORE: You've got to love that crazy island.
LOCKE: What do you want from me?
WIDMORE: I'm going to help you get everyone back to the Island.
LOCKE: Why would you do that? Aren't you a bad guy?
WIDMORE: Because, there's a war coming John.
[Scene flashes to Locke, the room, a window, Widmore, Locke, a lamp, Widmore and Locke] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Whoa! A war? Oh boy. So here's the deal. Locke is now off the Island, in a hospital. Widmore has showed up and wants to help John bring everyone back to protect the Island from this war. That means John has to get moving and find all the survivors. Oh, and guess who's going to help? Matt Abaddon! Remember him? He was behind the plot to nuke the Island last year! And now he's helping Locke? Weird. So John is off on his magical "Come.. back.. to.. the.. Island.. with me!" recruiting tour, kicking it off with Santo Domingo.
[Scene flashes to a scene from the episode, with action figures]
SAYID: What are you doing here, John?
LOCKE: Let's go back to the Island!
SAYID: No.
LOCKE: Ermmm!
[Scene flashes to a scene from the episode, with action figures]
NARRATOR: Next stop, New York City!
LOCKE: Hello, Walt!
WALT: What are you doing here?
LOCKE: Uh, nevermind!
[Scene flashes to a scene from the episode, with action figures]
NARRATOR: And then, Santa Rosa!
HURLEY: Dude, what are you doing here, dude?
LOCKE: Let's go back to the Island!
HURLEY: No dude!
LOCKE: Awww! Come on!
[Scene flashes to a scene from the episode, with action figures]
NARRATOR: Moving on to Los Angeles!
KATE: What are you doing here John?
LOCKE: Let's go back...
KATE: No!
LOCKE: Huh? But...
KATE: No!
LOCKE: Ah!
KATE: No!
LOCKE: I want to..
KATE: No means no, John!
[Scene flashes to a scene from the episode, with action figures]
NARRATOR: And finally, Santa Monica!
JACK: What are you doing here?
LOCKE: Let's go back to the Island!
JACK: Nooo!
LOCKE: Dammit Jack! It's our destiny!
JACK: No!
LOCKE: Aww.. why not?
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Um, yeah. That line isn't working so well for John. Even worse, Locke's driver, Abaddon, has just been shot! Now what? Guess there's only one last option.
[Scene changes to action figures, in a hotel] [Locke is seen about to hang himself] [Ben cut-out enters]
BEN: Hello John.
LOCKE: Good grief! You? Again?
BEN: Wait! Don't do it! We have to band together and fight this Widmore guy. You have no idea how important you are. Let me help you. Mmmhehehehe...
LOCKE: What the heck is going on here? Who is good and who is an evil door?
BEN: I am on your side, John.
LOCKE: Okay. I'll tell you everything I know.
BEN: Hmmm... perfect. Hmm...
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: And without missing a beat, lying, scheming, conniving and above all - diabolical - Ben Linus, murders John Locke!
[Scene changes to action figures, in a hotel]
BEN: Bum bum bum!
[Ben cut-out exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: And conveniently, it looks like a suicide. So this explains how Locke died and ended up in a box and also on that Ajira flight with the other survivors. Which means Locke is on the Island! But the real question is, when? Cause he's ALIVE!
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
[Caesar cut-out enters]
CAESAR: Who are you, and how did you get to the Island?
LOCKE: All I remember is dying!
CAESAR: We were on a plane, and now we're here.
LOCKE: That sounds, familiar.
CAESAR: There's more. I saw some of the other passengers disappear during all that turbulence.
LOCKE: Was there a big flash?
CAESAR: There's more.
LOCKE: Uh oh.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Hydra Station]
CAESAR: We have some injured people here. Do you recognize any of them?
LOCKE: I know that guy!
[Scene flashes to Ben cut-out, in a bed]
LOCKE: He's the one who murdered me!
[Scene flashes to Caesar and Locke] [Locke action figure falls over] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So, here's the wrap-up. Locke turned the giant wheel, lights up the sky, gets off the Island and wakes up in the desert. He teams up with Charles Widmore to get everyone back. Nobody wants to go. His driver is shot and he's a complete failure, so he tries to commit suicide. But, Ben shows up just in time to stop him, asks a few questions, then murders him. Next thing you know, he's on the Island, alive and well, along with the other passengers from Ajira Airways Flight 316. Remember, his body was on that flight, courtesy of Jack? Speaking of, Jack, Kate, and Hurley are missing or perhaps, in another time. Hmmm... That's it. The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham, untangled!
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
"LaFleur"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: In the beginning, a plane broke apart over the South Pacific. A bunch of folks were stranded on a mysterious island for 108 days with smoke monsters, polar bears, yeah, you get the idea. Only six were rescued, the rest vanished along with the Island. Now after three years on the mainland, the folks who left got together and came back to the Island, so they can save the people they left behind - the survivors that disappeared three years ago, with the Island, that is. So, here we are. Phew. That's, uh, four seasons and a half of this one in a nutshell.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
So, here we are. Season 5. Lost is back Wednesdays at 9/8 central on ABC! Now let's do some untangling of the latest episode of Lost entitled "LaFleur". We begin with our survivors on the Island. Locke just fell down a well, turned the giant wheel, sky lit up and now he's gone. Our other friends, above ground, are left wondering where, or rather when, they are 'cause the well is gone. And just when, aw man, another flash! But this time it's different - bigger, badder, and.. flashier!
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
SAWYER: Hot-diggity! I think eight-ball did it!
JIN: Sawyer!
SAWYER: It's over, Genghis!
JULIET: My headache is gone!
MILES: Uhh, mine too!
JIN: What now Sawyer?
SAWYER: We wait for chrome-dome to come back!
JULIET: For how long?
SAWYER: As long as it takes, princess!
[Scene appears to fast-forward, like on a VCR tape] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Now, lets fast-forward three years when the DHARMA Initiative is alive and well on the Island. And based on these lamb-chops, it's definitely the '70s. What? Oh wait, there's trouble in DHARMAville? And who you gonna call? That's right. Mr. LaFleur. Who is this mystery man, you ask? And why is everyone so afraid of him? You guessed it...
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
SAWYER: Son of a...
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Indeed, it's Sawyer, who is now a member of the DHARMA Initiative with the fancy new Creole name. But how did all this happen? To find out, we have to go back to when Locke turned the giant wheel that stopped the flashing and the time-traveling. But on their way back to the beach, something happens. [Screams heard] Good grief! What now?
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
SAWYER: Son of a..
JIN: Where is Dan?
[Miles cut-out enters]
MILES: Uh, we can't get involved - right?
[Daniel cut-out enters]
DANIEL: X divided by y, but don't... uh put the y, put the y back, put the y back. Why? Because, I said so. Do it.
SAWYER: They're in trouble Plato! I'm going in!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: It's a rumble in the jungle! Shots are fired, two people are killed, and Sawyer saves this woman, er, uh, this woman. Apparently there's a truce between DHARMAland and the Hostiles and now, with two dead guys, the truce has been broken. So, our damsel in distress panics and takes the survivors back to her camp. Everything seems fine until...
[Scene changes to action figures, at the sonic security fence]
DANIEL: *mumbling equations*
JULIET: Daniel! Stop!
DANIEL: ?
SAWYER: What the heck are you doing blondie?
JULIET: It's some kind of sonic fence. It will fry our brain.
DANIEL: Look, its a.. *mumbles* mm...
SAWYER: Looks like he's pretty scrambled already queen bee!
JIN: Uh, what is this?
SAWYER: Why don't you turn it off, princess?
AMY: Okay! It's off, and I'll walk through to prove it. Ha ha.
SAWYER: Alright, everyone, vámonos!
[Action figures walk through fence] [Lightning comes out and strikes Jin's head]
JIN: Ahhh! Chihuahua!
[Lightning strikes Juliet's head]
JULIET: Oh! Ah, ah! Oliver!
[Lightning strikes DANIEL's head]
DANIEL: *mumbles*
[Lightning strikes Sawyer's head]
SAWYER: Son of a...
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Yup, they've been fried. The invisible fence has done it again! Boy, these DHARMA folks just don't trust anyone! So, our survivors are now captives - or rather, DHARMA prisoners. Okay, not really. But you get the idea. So now they're stuck in DHARMAville and Sawyer has to tell a bunch of lies to save them.
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
HORACE: Who are you, and what are you doing here?
SAWYER: Chill out, curly-cue! My name is James LaFleur and we've been shipwrecked.
HORACE: That's a shame, Mr. LaFleur. I'm sending all your people back on our special submarine.
SAWYER: Not until I find my people, four-eyes!
HORACE: Sorry, mister. You're subbing it, first thing tomorrow. Hehehehe.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Oh, great. Now they're being kicked out of DHARMAville! It's too bad, really, 'cause Faraday just realized that Charlotte is there! And she's a little girl. What?
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
DANIEL: Greater sum? Or less than... Charlotte!
CHARLOTTE: La la la la la la la!
[Barracks alarm system is heard] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Now what? A smoke monster? A polar bear? Not remotely!
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks] [Richard cut-out enters]
RICHARD: You broke the truce, hippies.
SAWYER: I'll handle this one, DHARMA geeks.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: It's him! Mr. Eyeliner, in the flesh! And he doesn't look so happy.
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
SAWYER: Howdy-do, eyeliner!
RICHARD: Do I know you?
SAWYER: Not really, but I know you.
RICHARD: Is that a fact?
SAWYER: That's a fact, Jack! And we're gonna have a little chit-chat.
[Sawyer action figure and Richard cut-out exit] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: In a nutshell, Sawyer saves the day, again, mentions the hydrogen bomb, John Locke and proves he's not from DHARMAville. The truce is maintained. And Horace extends their stay for a little while longer. Well, quite a bit longer. And our friends stick around DHARMAville for three years! Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, and Juliet, have uh, hooked up. They're totally in love. Everyone else is officially part of DHARMA. Oh and Jin speaks perfect English! Hello gentlemen, my name is Jin, and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Everything is groovy until.. [telephone is heard ringing]
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
NARRATOR: It's Jin!
SAWYER: Son of a...
[The DHARMA van is shown driving quickly across the Barracks and near the sonic security fence, stopping on the beach]
NARRATOR: A joyous reunion!
[Scene flashes to Sawyer, Kate, Jack and Hurley]
NARRATOR: Ahh....
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So, here's the wrap-up. Locke fell down a well, turned a giant wheel, the sky flashes one last time and Locke is gone. Oh, and it's 1974! Ahaha! Now our survivors are stuck in the 1970's and waiting for Locke to come back.
[Scene changes to action figures, on the beach] [Crickets chirping] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: But while they wait, they get wrapped up in an island tussle! Two people are shot and Sawyer saves the day! The woman they rescued takes them back to her camp, otherwise known as the DHARMA Initiative. But they don't like outsiders and try to kick 'em out, so Sawyer tells them they're shipwrecked and his name is Jim LaFleur, to buy some time. Then, Richard Alpert shows up! Sawyer, I mean, uh, LaFleur, saves the day, again! So the DHARMA folk let them stay awhile. Three years go by. Sawyer, I mean LaFleur, and Juliet are now deeply in love. Jin speaks perfect English and everyone has become a full-time DHARMA employee. Life is groovy until Jack, Kate, and Hurley show up! Whoa! Did someone say love triangle? Or is it, quadrangle? Hmm... lots more to come! That's it. LaFleur, untangled.
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
"Namaste"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: In the beginning, a plane broke apart over the South Pacific. A bunch of folks were stranded on a mysterious island for 108 days with smoke monsters, polar bears, yeah, you get the idea. Only six were rescued, the rest vanished along with the Island. Now after three years on the mainland, the folks who left got together and came back to the Island, so they can save the people they left behind - the survivors that disappeared three years ago, with the Island, that is. Phew. That's, uh, four seasons and a half of this one in a nutshell.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
So, here we are. Season 5. Lost is back Wednesdays at 9/8 central on ABC! Now let's do some untangling of the latest episode of Lost entitled "Namaste". We begin with our survivors on Ajira Flight 316. As you can imagine, they're a little nervous. Especially when the plane starts shaking, the sky lights up, and BAM! They're about to crash on an island! Fasten your seat belts.
[Scene changes to action figure, on an airplane]
HURLEY: Dude!
JACK: Whoa!
HURLEY: Plane's going down dude!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Next thing you know, the plane has crashed. And something is a little off.
[Scene changes to action figure, on an airplane]
SUN: Frank! What happened?
[Frank cut-out enters]
FRANK: I dunno! Where is everyone?
[Ben cut-out enters]
BEN: Hehehehehe! They're gone!
FRANK: Gone where?
BEN: How would I know? Hehehehehe!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Okay, it looks like their little plan, didn't go as planned. 'Cause some of our survivors are missing! Well actually, they arrived in DHARMA time. Otherwise known as 1977. The rest are stuck in the here and now. So let's boogie with our 70s survivors! Bow-chicka-bow-wow.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
HURLEY: Dude, what's up with the DHARMA suits, dude?
SAWYER: We're officially DHARMA geeks, double chunk!
JACK: What are you talking about?
SAWYER: It's 1977 bedpan!
JACK: What are you talking about?
KATE: Oh my god!
HURLEY: Dude!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Now what? They're stuck in the past, DHARMA is alive and well, the Island is filled with Hostiles and Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, is head of security! And everyone drives these cool vans...
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
JACK: What are we gonna do?
SAWYER: Son of a...
HURLEY: Dude. Yeah dude, what are we gonna do dude?
SAWYER: We're going back to DHARMAville King Kong.
JACK: WHAT?
SAWYER: I'll be right back.
[Sawyer action figure exits] [DHARMA van is seen driving away from the beach, through the security perimeter and into the Barracks]
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, takes off, leaving our 70s survivors behind. Jin has also left the scene, in search of Sun, who was also on the plane and is now missing. Well, not missing, just in another time. Meanwhile, Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, has a plan and decides to sneak Jack, Kate and Hurley into the compound. Hooray! They're about to get DHARMAtized!
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
INTERCOM: Welcome new recruits. Please proceed to processing to get your new assignments and documents.
[Jack, Kate and Hurley action figures walk across screen]
HURLEY: Dude, is this gonna work dude?
JACK: Whoa!
[DHARMA van drives across screen]
SAWYER: Just play along stay-puft.
HURLEY: Dude.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Okay! So everything is groovy in DHARMAville. What about our other survivors in the other time? They're all a bit confused. Except for Mr. Ben Linus, who sneaks off into the jungle.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the jungle]
[Ben action figure runs across screen]
BEN: Mmmhehehehehe
[Sun action figure runs across screen after Ben]
SUN: Oh no you don't bug-eyes!
BEN: Mmmmheheheehe
[Sun chases Ben across screen]
NARRATOR: Uh, moving on.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Ben, familiar with the Island, is heading to the beach for some boats so he can get to the other island. Sun follows him, knocks him out, takes his boat, and proceeds to paddle across the channel with Lapidus in tow. Once there, they run into.. this guy. It's him! Again!
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
SUN: Who are you?
CHRISTIAN: I'm Christian.
SUN: Where is my husband?
CHRISTIAN: He's with your friends.
[Frank cut-out enters]
FRANK: Heh?
[Frank cut-out exits]
CHRISTIAN: Right here in this old picture.
[DHARMA recruit picture from 1977 is shown]
CHRISTIAN: I'm sorry, but you have a long journey ahead of you.
NARRATOR: Oh boy!
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Flame Station]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Jin is looking for Sun.
[Jin action figure enters]
JIN: The plane!
RADZINSKY: What are you talking about?
JIN: Have you seen the plane?
RADZINSKY: There's no plane!
[Alarm is heard]
RADZINSKY: Wait! What's that?
JIN: The plane!
RADZINSKY: No! It's a Hostile!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Ooooh! A Hostile! Or, is it Sun? Another survivor? No! It's actually, Sayid! Inconceivable!
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
SAYID: Hello Jin.
JIN: Do not talk. And position your hands high in the air above your..
[Radzinsky cut-out pops up]
RADZINSKY: A Hostile! A Hostile! Shoot him!
[Radzinsky cut-out exits]
JIN: I do not want to shoot him.
[Radzinsky cut-out pops up]
RADZINSKY: A Hostile! A Hostile! Shoot him! Shoot him!
[Radzinsky cut-out exits]
JIN: I do not want to shoot him!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: What? Now Sayid is back in the 70s? Of course, he has no idea what's going on, Jin can't tell him, and he has to keep up this DHARMA vs. Hostile thing until they figure something out. So they throw him in jail! Uh.... seems logical.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the jail] [Jail cell closes on Sayid] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: And that's where he runs into.. this kid.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the jail]
BEN: Hello, are you a Hostile?
SAYID: What is your name?
BEN: I'm little Ben Linus.
[Scene flashes between Sayid and Ben's faces]
SAYID: Thank you for the sandwich.
NARRATOR: Whoaa!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So here's the wrap-up. The survivors have finally made it back to the Island. Only one problem - some of them are stuck in the past and the others are.. not. Sawyer, Jin, Miles and Juliet are working for the DHARMA Initiative for three years now, since Locke turned the giant wheel, and managed to sneak Jack, Kate and Hurley into the compound as well. Sayid was found wandering in the jungle, taken captive, and locked up, where he meets a young Ben Linus. Meanwhile, the other folks are searching for their friends and find this guy, yes, Jack's dad, again. He shows Sun and Lapidus a picture of the missing passengers living happily in 1970's DHARMAville. Indeed, it's going to be a long road ahead. That's it. Namaste, untangled.
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
"He's Our You"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
Now let's do some untangling of the latest episode of Lost entitled "He's Our You". We begin with our love triangle, or is it quadrangle? Uh, anyway. So Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, and Juliet, have been living in DHARMAville for three years now, hooked up and totally in love. Life is groovy until, the other woman showed up! Awkward!
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
JULIET: So, um, yeah, um..
KATE: Yeah... okay.
JULIET: Yeah, um well, nice uh, weather today, hm?
KATE: So you and Sawyer?
JULIET: Yeah, um, um, yeah, we're um, you know, it's uh..
KATE: Mmmm...
JULIET: ..it's complicated
KATE: Mmm, okay
JULIET: Don't worry...
KATE: Okay
[Hurley action figure enters]
HURLEY: Dude!
[Hurley action figure exits]
NARRATOR: Weird...
[Kate and Juliet action figures exit] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So Jack and Kate are ex-lovers. Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, and Kate, are ex-lovers. Juliet and Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, are lovers. And Jack, well he's got nothing.
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
JACK: What????
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Yeah. And they're all living in DHARMAville, next door to each other! Wait a second, is this Desperate Housewives?
[Desperate Housewives preview shows]
NARRATOR: Moving on... Let's dive into the saga of Sayid. Why is he back on the Island? And why is he wearing handcuffs? That story starts in bar.
[Scene changes to action figures, in a bar]
ILANA: I hear the steak is fabulous.
SAYID: Are you a professional?
ILANA: No.
SAYID: You wanna see my...
ILANA: Absolutely.
[Sayid and Ilana action figures exit] [Scene changes to outside an apartment]
[grunting noises]
ILANA: Right there...
SAYID: What's that?
ILANA: That's my gun. You're under arrest.
[Ilana cut-out enters]
ILANA: That was quick.
[Spans to show Sayid cut-out, both exit] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Aw man! So Ilana isn't a buxom brunette looking for fun? *kicking noise heard* She's a bounty hunter, a sexy Bobo Fett, hired by one of the many folks Sayid murdered when he was working for the lying, scheming, conniving and above all - diabolical - Ben Linus.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the airport]
SAYID: What? Where are you taking me?
ILANA: We are going to Guam.
SAYID: I hate flying.
[Hurley action figure enters]
HURLEY: Dude!
[Hurley action figure exits]
OCEANIC FLIGHT ATTENDANT: We are now pre-boarding for Ajira Airways Flight 316.
[Spans to show Ben, Sun, Sayid, Kate and Jack] [Hurley action figure enters]
HURLEY: Dude!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: All the survivors are together. Sayid is locked in the cuffs and a little freaked out 'cause we all know what happens next.
[Scene changes to action figures, on an airplane]
HURLEY: Plane's going down dude!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: He's back! Doesn't want to be, um, back, and immediately gets caught up in island drama! The hippies think he's a Hostile, the survivors can't save him, and those handcuffs are not helping the situation.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the security station]
HORACE: Who are you?
[Radzinsky cut-out enters]
RADZINSKY: He's a Hostile! Torture him! Torture him!
[Radzinsky cut-out exits]
HORACE: Why are you wearing handcuffs?
[Radzinsky cut-out enters]
RADZINSKY: He's a Hostile! Torture him! Torture him!
[Radzinsky cut-out exits]
HORACE: Alright then. Let's go for a little ride.
[Radzinsky cut-out enters]
RADZINSKY: Time for torture! Time for pain! Ahahaha!
[Radzinsky cut-out exits]
[DHARMA van is seen driving away from the beach, through the security perimeter, through the jail and into Oldham's camp] [Sayid is show tied up]
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Let me sum it up. DHARMA folk are getting a little paranoid and since Sayid won't talk, he gets to visit the resident hippy, who lives in a tent and tortures people, DHARMA style.
[Scene changes to action figures, at Oldham's camp]
OLDHAM: We'll start with this.
[Radzinsky cut-out enters]
RADZINSKY: Torture time! Torture time!
[Radzinsky cut-out exits]
SAYID: Ooof... I, uh, don't feel so well. I am, eh, from the future. Hehehe. And you're all going to die. Look! It's uh, Sawyer, Swan Station, airplanes, Smoke Monsters, [unintelligible phrase].
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Oh no! Sayid has sufficiently freaked out the DHARMA hippies, spills the beans on their, um, future, and tells them they're all going to die. What now? How 'bout a vote? All in favor of killing Sayid?
[Scene changes to action figures, in the security station] [5 DHARMA personnel cut-outs enter, with Horace and Radzinsky amongst them]
ALL TOGETHER: Aye!
[5 DHARMA personnel cut-outs exit] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Ah... democracy. Wait? What's that?
[Scene changes to DHARMA van, at the Barracks]
[Flaming DHARMA van drives across stage and crashes into a house, collapsing it.]
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: OH! A diversion? Van on fire? Blown up house? It's complete chaos! And the perfect opportunity to escape.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the security station]
BEN: I blew up DHARMAville to help you escape.
SAYID: Why would you do that?
BEN: I want to be a Hostile. Take me to your leader.
[Sayid and Ben cut-outs exit] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: They're on the lam! DHARMAville is on fire! Sayid has escaped! And just when things couldn't get any worse...
[Scene changes to action figures, in the woods]
[Scene flashes to the "future"]
BEN: You are a killer Sayid.
SAYID: No, Ben, I am Iraqi.
BEN: Mhehehehehe.
[Scene flashes back to the "present"]
SAYID: You were right about me.
BEN: What did you say?
[Sayid shoots Ben] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Oh no! Little Ben is dead? What about the space-time continuum? WHOA! Cliffhanger! Okay, so here's the wrap-up. Everyone has been DHARMAtized! Jack, a workman, Kate, a mechanic, and Hurley and cook! Hmm, go figure. Oh and it's a little awkward around the camp. Jack and Kate are ex-lovers, Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, and Kate are ex-lovers, and now Juliet is in the mix and practically married to Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur. Quite the love quadrangle. Meanwhile, Sayid has been thrown in jail and the DHARMA hippies think he's a Hostile! How ironic. So they decide to kill him. Seems logical, but before they can off him, little Ben lights a bus on fire, blows up a cabin, and helps him escape. Stuff's getting crucial on the Island, and then during their escape, Sayid shoots little Ben, leaving him bleeding in the middle of the road, and runs off! What? That's it. He's Our You, untangled.
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
Whatever Happened, Happened[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
Now let's do some untangling of the latest episode of Lost entitled "Whatever Happened, Happened". Up first, little Ben Linus, who was just shot and left for dead! The real question is this - what now?
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Infirmary] [Juliet cut-out enters]
JULIET: Stay with me, little Ben!
[Juliet cut-out exits] [Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
SAWYER: It's showtime bedpan! Phew! Little Ben Linus needs savin'.
[Jack action figure enters]
JACK: WHAT!? NO!
[Jack action figure exits] [Scene changes to action figures, in the Infirmary] [Juliet cut-out enters]
JULIET: Ahh! Little Ben!
[Juliet cut-out exits] [Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
SAWYER: Look, doc. This kid has to grow up and kill dozens of people, shoot Locke, put me and Freckles in a cage, forced you to operate on him, turn a giant wheel, light up the sky and make the Island disappear! You can't find it in your heart to save him?
[Kate action figure falls over] [Spans to Jack's dumbstruck face]
NARRATOR: Uh.... moving on.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Infirmary]
JULIET: We're losing him!
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
SAWYER: Come on Patch Adams!
[Hurley action figure enters]
HURLEY: Dude!
[Hurley action figure exits] [Jack action figure enters]
JACK: I've already saved him once!
[Jack action figure exits]
KATE: Fine!
[Kate action figure exits the house] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Oh boy! Who's gonna save the lying, scheming, conniving and above all - diabolical - little Ben Linus?
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Infirmary]
JULIET: He needs blood!
[Kate action figure enters]
KATE: Fine!
[Sequence is shown with blood being drawn through syringes and tubes] [Jacob's eye is shown]
JULIET: Aaah! It's not working!
KATE: I have a plan!
[Kate action figure exits]
JULIET: Oh my god.
[DHARMA van is seen driving away from the Barracks, through the security perimeter, through the Barracks on fire, through a house]
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: The only way Kate can save little Ben is to, bumbumbum... give him to the Others! You know, the Hostiles? So, off she goes, in this cool van, to deliver little bleeding Ben to Mr. Eyeliner himself. And who comes to the rescue? That's right, her ex-lover Sawyer, I mean LaFleur.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
KATE: Why are you helping me?
SAWYER: Uh, I'm doin' this for Juliet!
[Richard cut-out enters]
RICHARD: Hello hippies!
SAWYER: This boy needs some savin', eyeliner!
[Ben cut-out enters]
BEN: Help me!
[Ben cut-out exits]
RICHARD: Sure. If I take him he'll never be the same.
SAWYER: You makin' him a priest raccoon-eyes?
RICHARD: No, not that.
RANDOM OTHER: What if Charles finds out?
RICHARD: Well, let him find out.
[Richard cut-out exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Hmmm.. you mean, this Charles? Bumbumbum!
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Temple]
RICHARD: Come inside this temple with me, even though a Smoke Monster lives here. It'll save your life, but change you forever.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Uh oh! And that's where we leave off with little Ben Linus! Meanwhile, what's up with Kate? Where is Aaron, and what brought her back to the Island? Let's find out.
[Scene changes to action figures, at Cassidy's house]
CASSIDY: What are you doing here?
KATE: Sawyer's alive and he wanted me to give you this big wad.
CASSIDY: What's this wad for?
KATE: It's Sawyer's wad, and it's for his baby, so it's a baby wad.
CASSIDY: It's Clementine's wad?
[Clementine cut-out pops up]
CLEMENTINE: Thanks Daddy!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So that's what Sawyer whispered in Kate's ear on the chopper! Hmmm... check that off the to-do list. Now, Kate's last errand? Do something with Aaron.
[Scene changes to action figures, in Carole Littleton's hotel room]
CAROLE: What are you doing here?
KATE: Your daughter is alive and you have a grandson!
[Aaron cut-out pops up]
AARON: You have a grandson?
[Aaron cut-out exits]
CAROLE: Why are you telling me this?
KATE: 'Cause I'm going back to the Island to find Claire, Aaron's mommy!
[Aaron cut-out pops up]
AARON: You're my mommy, Mommy. Not some other mommy!
[Aaron cut-out exits]
[Aaron cut-out pops up]
AARON: Mommy.
NARRATOR: That was easy.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: So here's the wrap-up. Little Ben has been shot by Sayid and barely alive. Jack refuses to save him so Kate jumps in and donates blood and takes him to the Others. Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur, helps her and they hand over Ben to Richard Alpert. He takes little Ben Linus to this place, an ancient temple where smoke monsters live, which is supposed to help. But, we'll see about that. In other news, we learn that Kate has come back to find Claire, Aaron's real mommy, who was M.I.A. in Season 4 but still alive, or at least, we think she is. And last, but certainly not least, big Ben is waking up! And who is by his bed? John Locke! That's who!
LOCKE: Welcome back to the land of the living!
NARRATOR: Bumbumbum! That's it. Whatever Happened, Happened, untangled.
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
Dead Is Dead[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: So here we are. Little Ben Linus has been shot and left for dead. Jack, our resident doctor, refuses to operate. The DHARMA geeks can't save him, so Kate and Sawyer sneak little Ben off to the Others and hand him over to Mr. Eyeliner who then takes him to a secret temple to save him. But there's a catch.
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Temple]
RICHARD: It'll save your life but change you forever.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Ain't that the truth! 'Cause little Ben Linus grows up to be the lying, scheming, conniving and above all - diabolical - Ben Linus. On that note, remember when Ben murdered John Locke? Yeah, nice work Ben. Now they're both back on the Island and Locke is somehow alive, again! That's where our saga continues. Now let's do some untangling of the latest episode of Lost entitled "Dead Is Dead". And we begin, appropriately, with our dead guy, John Locke, who is now face to face with the guy who murdered him.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the Hydra Station]
LOCKE: Wanna talk about the elephant in the room?
[Elephant roars]
BEN: Think of something quick! Lie, cover yourself, tell him this was supposed to happen, you planned this..
LOCKE: You're talking out loud.
BEN: AH! I curse you internal monologue.
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Oh boy. Ben is up a creek, Locke is alive, got the upper hand and what's he gonna do? Help Ben, that's what. 'Cause he came back for a reason.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
BEN: I came back to be judged.
LOCKE: Heh?
BEN: I broke the rules and must face the Smoke Monster.
LOCKE: Then let's go smoke!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Judgment time! Woo hoo! Locke is eating this up and escorting Ben to the Temple where he was originally saved, after Sayid shot him. But, there's one small problem.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
CAESAR: Stop right there.
LOCKE: Heh?
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Remember, Ben convinced Caesar that Locke is crazy. You know, dead guy who's now alive. Drama. So he's trying to protect Ben from crazy man.
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
CAESAR: I am in charge here. You are not going anywhere. You're going to sit down, very carefully, on the sand. I want you to sit. Distribute your weight evenly on the way down so nobody has any accidents. Safety first.
LOCKE: You are not the boss of me, sonny.
CAESAR: No Mr., I am...
[Gun appears]
BEN: Not so fast.
[Ben shoots Caesar]
CAESAR: Et tu, Ben?
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Good grief! How many people has this guy murdered? On that note, let's talk about the lying, scheming, conniving and above all - diabolical - Ben Linus and why he must be judged.
[Scene changes to view-finder, flipping through pictures]
NARRATOR: Here's the CliffsNotes. Back in the day, Ben goes on a mission. He was supposed to murder Rousseau, but steals her baby Alex instead. How typical. Now, Ben is a dad. Years later some goons come to the Island. They are on a mission to get Ben, but murder Alex instead. And it was all Ben's fault! Which brings us to the temple...
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Temple]
BEN: You were right, John.
LOCKE: About what, bug-eyes?
BEN: I have to answer for letting Alex die.
LOCKE: Hey! Is that a smoke monster?
[Smoke Monster appears] [Alex cut-out enters]
ALEX: Hello father.
BEN: But... but...
ALEX: That's right, I'm your dead daughter, Alex. And you better do everything Locke says or else. I know you were planning on killing Locke again.
[Alex cut-out exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: And with that, the smoke has cleared. Ben is still alive and still up a creek, 'cause Locke has plans for old bug-eyes. Meanwhile, back at the beach, Ilana's got a mad-on about something, and building an army?
[Scene changes to action figures, on a beach]
FRANK: Hey Bobo Fett, what's going on?
ILANA: What lies in the shadow of the statue?
FRANK: I dunno, what statue?
[Rifle butt knocks Frank over] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Ouch! What's up with that? Let's recap. Little Ben has been saved by the Island and living with the Others. He grows up and we learn how he became a dad by stealing Rousseau's baby, Alex. Typical. Alex, his daughter, was eventually killed by some goons Widmore sent to the Island after he was banished by Ben. Now that Ben is back, he has to get judged for the death of Alex, among other things, and must visit our resident Smoke Monster. So, he smokes and his daughter shows up and tells him to do whatever Locke says! Uh oh. Meanwhile, something is afoot with our beachies. They still have this crate, which has something in it, and asking all kinds of questions about a statue. Hmm... and what about our seventies survivors? Next week my friends. That's it. Dead Is Dead, untangled.
NARRATOR: Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC and then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
"Some Like It Hoth"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on Lost, we've got you covered. This is ABC's Lost Untangled.
Body[]
[Scene starts out as a comic-book]
NARRATOR: So here we are. Little Ben Linus is now living with the Others after being saved by the Smoke Monster, thanks to Kate and Sawyer, I mean, LaFleur. Oh and Jack is in the doghouse because he wouldn't help little Ben. Poor Jack.
[Scene changes to action figures, at the Barracks]
JACK: I've already saved him once!
[Jack action figure exits] [Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, our survivors, stuck in the present, are still trying to find everyone from Ajira 316, with no luck. But they do know their friends are stuck in 1977, based on a picture they found in this abandoned cabin. Speaking of the seventies, our DHARMA hippies don't know little Ben is missing. They're busy dealing with their own drama, 'cause something just happened at grid 334, which is where our saga continues. Now let's do some untangling of the latest episode of Lost entitled "Some Like It Hoth".
DARTH VADER: Bum bum bum bum!
[Scene changes to action figure, on a beach]
HURLEY: Dude.
NARRATOR: Come on, we had to!
[Scene changes to comic-book]
NARRATOR: Some Like It Hoth? We begin with more trouble in DHARMAville and our resident long-hair is a little stressed.
[Scene changes to action figures, in the security room]
HORACE: Help me Miles. You're my only hope.
MILES: Uh..what?
HORACE: I need you to pick up a package.
[scene changes to Horace handing Miles a DHARMA body bag]
NARRATOR: Oh, boy. Someone - or something - killed the hippie! And no one's talking. Hey, Miles! Just talk to the hand. You know, the dead man - I mean, hand? In the back of the van?
[scene changes to action figures, on the DHARMA VAN]
MILES: Soo.. um, how'd you croak?
HAND: I was thinking about my girlfriend and how much she love (??). And then this feeling - my filling, flying through my head. Aaahh! I curse this island!
MILES: Oh. I see
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Hot diggity! Miles can hear the dead hand!
[Charlie (?) cut out enters]
CHARLIE: Sweet!
NARRATOR: So it was the island that killed him. A mysterious, unknown and somwehat malignant force. Maybe Dr. Chang, otherwise known as Marvin Candle can help.
[scene changes to action figures]
[cricket sound]
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Um, okay. It's a little weird in the van because 'cause Dr. DHARMA is actually Miles' long lost father who just became the proud father of little baby Miles.. WHAT ABOUT THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM?
[scene changes to action figures]
HURLEY: Dude, there are two yous on the island.
MILES: I have daddy issues, nitwit.
HURLEY: Just like Luke Skywalker, dude.
{scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Daddy issues indeed. Chang dissapeared when Miles was little, so Miles grew up without a father and turned into a bedazzled psychic punk. Seriously, man. What's up with your face?
MILES: Extra! Extra! Get in touch with dirt nappers. I hear dead people. Just pay me a small wad, and I'll start talking.
[scene changes to action figures]
NAOMI: My boss saw your act and needs to be serviced.
MILES: I hear dead people.. for a price.
NAOMI: Here's a big wad. Come to the island with me.
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Sweet! A big wad-a cash to sail away with a hot chick and hear dead people? Nothing better than that. But first, a brief interlude with Bram. No, I mean, this Bram.
[scene changes to action figures]
BRAM: What lies in the shadow of the statue?
MILES: A fish taco?
BRAM: No! Don't go to the island, you bedazzled psychic punk!
MILES: Huh?
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Greaat. The statue again. What's up with that? This is the same guy who was on Ajira 316 and Illana's shotgun-toting BFF. Whoa. Meanwhile, back on the island, Miles is still having daddy issues. It's a force Hurley can relate to.
[scene changes to action figures]
HURLEY: Don't be like Luke, dude. All you have to do is talk to Vader.
MILES: Seriously? What's up with the Star Wars stuff?
HURLEY: Dude, I'm helping out George Lucas by re-writing Empire, dude. 'cause let's face it the ewoks sucked, dude.
MILES: Oh.
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Okay.. this might take awhile, but at least Miles can look longingly into his father's house at night. Uh-oh! Something's (?)! Chang - I mean Candle - is on the move.
[scene changes to action figures]
CHANG: Miles. Let's go
MILES: Whaaaaattt?? I mean - What?
VADER: [breathes] He's your father.
NARRATOR: Come on, Miles! This is your chance to talk to your dad! [crickets] Okay, maybe not. Next stop: The dock.
MILES: Daniel?
DANIEL: [mumbles] space... [mumbles] time... [mumbles] equations..equals..under water.. kilos. [mumbles] long time, time time, space, time..
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Bum, bum, bum!!! It's Faraday! Yaaay.. I think. Here's the recap: there's drama in DHARMAville, a mysterious, unknown and somewhat malignant force has killed the hippie! Horace and the gang are covering it up by calling it an accident. But we know it's not. 'cause Miles can hear dead people! Ha ha! Which is why he was brought to the island on the freighter, who knew! And then, after all those flashes, he winds up in 1977 DHARMAville, runs into his mom, dad and himself as a child. Trippy. Meanwhile, little Ben is missing, which drives his dad to drink. So, he gets drunk and suspicious. Thinks Kate has something to do with it. Kate lies. Sawyer lies. But Phil caught them on tape. What now? Get a rope! Phil is now Prisoner Phil. Oh, and guess who showes up to help with this mysterious, unknown and somewhat malignant forces that killed the hippie? Our resident physicist, Daniel Faraday! That's who! Where's he been? Hmmm..
That's it. "Some Like it Hoth". Untangled. Watch a new episode of LOST in two weeks on ABC, then come back here for another edition of ABC's LOST Untangled.
[ABC Fred Lab logo]
[Scene changes to DHARMA van crashing]
"The Variable"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on LOST, we've got you covered. This is ABC's LOST: Untangled.
Body[]
[Starts out as comic book]
NARRATOR: So here we are. The drama continues in DHARMAville. Little Ben is still missing; Sawyer and Kate got caught sneaking him off to the Others, and consequently had to take Phil hostage, so he wouldn't rat them out. Meanwhile, a hippie was killed by a mysterious, unknown, and somewhat malignant force, and the DHARMA geeks are trying to cover it up. Not knowing what to do, they brought a team of scientists to the island for help, and one of those said scientists happens to be...Daniel Faraday! This is where our saga continues.
[LOST logo]
[Comic book]
NARRATOR: Now let's do some untangling of the latest episode of LOST, entitled, "The Variable." Kicking it off with our resident physicist:
FARADAY: [paper cutouts] Ada-ada space-time?
NARRATOR: [comic book] He's back on the Island! And has nothing but bad news for everyone. [ahows Jack comic panel with "Punk'd" sign] So let's get started with the Dr. Daniel Faraday Official Bad News Bonanza! [shows game-show-like logo with "Dr. Daniel Faraday Official Bad News Bonanza"]
[shows cut-outs; Faraday is at Jack's door.]
JACK: (in a whining manner) WHAAAAAAATTTT?????!!!!
FARADAY: Hmm... How did you get back to the hmm..humunu..um.. island?
JACK: Your mom helped me!
FARADAY: Hm.. Destiny..divided by..fate? [shows equations, the same one in "Lost Untangled: This Place Is Death"]
JACK: Your mom said it was my destiny!
FARADAY: (in a fast manner) You don't belong here. She was wrong...humunahumunahumuna..
JACK: WHAT??!!
NARRATOR: BAD NEWS DELIVERED [shows stamp with "Bad News Delivered" and stamps on screen]
[Faraday cut-out is at door again]
FARADAY: Humunahumuna....
[Faraday cut-out leaves door; door closes]
[DHARMA van goes across Barracks, sonar fence, brakes to the right]
[Faraday with Dr. Chang at Orchid elevator]
FARADAY: Hmm...a...umm...Catastrophic...must evacuate the island...err..uh oh..mmm..
CHANG: How do you know this?
FARADAY: I'm from the...a..um..ah..future. Um..must evacuate..mm...yes..time at leave..umm..we are all in danger.
NARRATOR: BAD NEWS DELIVERED [stamps again on screen]
[Faraday and Chang cut-outs move to DHARMA van]
CHANG: Leave me alone you bumbling idiot.
FARADAY: Um..Miles is your son. Yes. You have two sons..on..the island. Twins? Ahh..na..no. T-tale of two sons.
[Jack action figure enters]
JACK: What?!
[Jack action figure exits]
NARRATOR: BAD NEWS DELIVERED [stamps again on screen]
[comic panels]
Meanwhile, it's a dark time in DHARMAville, 'cause our survivors are in deep doodoo with a hostage in the closet. And there is, [shows Barracks] [knocks on door of house] wait for it, MORE BAD NEWS [shows "Dr. Daniel Faraday Official Bad News Bonanza" logo]!
[action figures and cut-outs]
FARADAY: Um.. take me to..my mother..umm..she's an Other.. umm..hostile..she's another Other..mother Other..hostile hostile..
[Sawyer action figure enters; knocks out chairs and table]
SAWYER: Your mother is an Other, Einstein? Hee!
[Sawyer action figure exits]
[lamp crashes to ground]
FARADAY: X..divided by Y..mother..mother is an Other.. (shows equation again)
[shows comic panels]
NARRATOR: Oh boy. Faraday wants to visit mummy, you know, where the Hostiles live. Apparently she's the key to fixing this huge mess. But the real questions is this: Who's gonna take him?
[back to action figures and cut-outs; Faraday, Jack, Miles, Kate and Juliet are in a room, when Sawyer action figure enters]
SAWYER: You're not going anywhere, Dr. Jekyll!
JACK: Kate! You know where the Others are!
SAWYER: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, BEDPAN! Freckles is coming with us.
JULIET: Oh my God! You called her "Freckles"? Again? Oh my god. Okay.
KATE: Um..
JULIET: You still love her.
KATE: Yeah..
JULIET: I'll give you the fence code.
KATE: So..
JULIET: Okay. Um..
KATE: Okay..
JULIET: To get back..and..Um..Oh my God
KATE: Umm..Yeah.
JULIET: Sawyer..I mean, LaFleur, okay. Oh my God.
[switches back to comic panels]
NARRATOR: This love quadrangle is so awkward! And just when things couldn't get any worse...
[action figures]
[Faraday cut-out, Jack and Kate action figures face off against Radsinsky and two other cut-outs appear; all with "guns"]
[Gunfight begins; continuous guns appear on screen and bangs during the following conversation]
FARADAY: Bye bye...
KATE: Jack!!!
JACK: COVER MEEEE!!!!
KATE: Jack!
JACK: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[Jack destroys barrel of gasoline, causing an explosion]
[Gunfight ends]
[comic panels]
NARRATOR: There's a war in DHARMAville. And our fierce fighting threesome have escaped! Heading straight for the Hostiles.
[action figures]
FARADAY: Just talking..guns..space..time..we don't belong here..let's change the future..oh, yes we can..oh no..
[comic panels]
NARRATOR: Okay, here's the breakdown. Faraday's trying to change the future. Meaning - plane crash, the hatch, Desmond pushing the button - all of it. You know, four great seasons of TV. And he's gonna do it by detonating a hydrogen bomb, otherwise known as "Jughead". But he can't drop the H-Bomb until he meets with mommy.
[action figures]
FARADAY [with gun]: Uh..where's mommy..uh..Eloise? Mommy time..where's momma..momma..I know your momma.
[Richard cut-out enters]
RICHARD: Hey you. Why so worried? What's with the gun, kid? Don't shoot. We're all friends here.
FARADAY: I want my mummy..I want my mummy..OR I'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF. Must change our destiny..mm.. [Eloise cut-out enters] yes. X divided by..
[shows Faraday's body and a hole punctured in him]
FARADAY: Bye bye..guns bad.
[comic panels]
NARRATOR: OH. MY. GOD. Mommy dearest just killed her only son? What about the space-time continuum? Wait just a second..does this mean that Eloise sent her son to the Island knowing she would shoot him? Whoa.. And does this mean that his dad also knew this would happen? And, by dad, I mean, Charles Widmore? Bu-bu-Bamm!!
WIDMORE: I'm the baby daddy.
[comic panels]
NARRATOR: Whoa! Let's recap. DHARMAville is in chaos, little Ben is still missing, a mysterious unknown and somewhat malignant force has killed a hippie and Daniel Faraday is back on the island. Even worse, he tells everyone his mom was wrong and this wasn't their destiny! D'oh! But wait. There's more bad news. Sawyer and Juliet have been made; their hostage has been discovered and, according to Faraday, the hippies are about to unleash a huge amount of energy unknowingly, which could eventually cause Oceanic 815 to crash bringing all the survivors to the island to start the greatest TV series EVER!! Of course, Faraday was gonna stop it by detonating a hydrogen bomb. Holy Jughead! But before he could pull that off, he makes a visit to his mom, the young lady version, who's living with the Others, but KABOOM! She shoots him in the back. What? Here's the question: Did she know this would happen? You know, the old lady version and send him anyway? And what about his daddy? Did he know too? You know, the Widmeister? Good grief! Now what? That's it. The Variable untangled. Watch a new episode of Lost, Wednesday at 9/8 central on ABC. Then come back here for another edition of ABC's Lost Untangled.
[ABC Fred Lab logo]
WIDMORE: Baby daddy.
"Follow the Leader"[]
NARRATOR: If you're lost on LOST, we got you covered. This is ABC's LOST, untangled.
Body[]
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Let's get right to it. Our resident physicist, Daniel Faraday, is back! But his return is no party. Because he tells our survivors his mommy was wrong. They shouldn't be on the island, and everyone is in danger. Oh, and to fix this huge mess? He wants to set off an H-bomb! He's a total downer, and it doesn't end there. His mother, Eloise Hawking, is an other! And when they meet up, she kills him!
[scene changes to action figures]
NARRATOR: WHAT? Here's the question: did his mother know this would happen, and sent him to the island anyway? Whoa! Speaking of.. disfunctional families, Faraday's father is none other than Charles Widmore. I wonder what that relationsip was like.
[scene changes to Eloise and Widmore]
NARRATOR: Okay, in other news, DHARMAville is in chaos! There was a huge hippie gunfight, and Phil was found in the closet! Bound and gagged! Hot. This is where our saga continues. Now, let's do some untangling of the latest episode of LOST entitled "Follow the Leader".We begin with Sawyer - I mean, LaFleur - and Juliet, who are now in a world of trouble. Kidnapping and hostage-taking? Yeah. The hippies aren't happy.
[scene changes to action figures]
HORACE: How could you do this, LaFleur?
RADZINSKY: Traitor! Traitor! Kill them! Maim them! Torture them! Mwhahahaha
HORACE: You kidnapped a child. And tied Phil up in your closet. Phil hates closets.
RADZINSKY: We caught you on tape! We caught you on tape! Traitor! Traitor!
PHIL: I'd like to watch..
SAWYER: Eat my shorts, longhair!
Juliet: Oh my God!
SAWYER: Son of a..
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Oh no you don't (?)
[scene changes to action figures]
CHANG: What is going on here? We must leave the island. We are in imminent danger.
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Chang is right, 'cause now he's included all this time-travel stuff, and is sending all the hippies off the island! It's evacuation time!
[scene changes to action figures]
SAWYER: Come on, Nemo! Let's blow this (?)
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the hostiles are having their own issues. Faraday has just been shot by his mother, Jack and Kate are tied up, and the only way to fix this huge mess is detonating an H-bomb? Really?
[scene changes to action figures]
ELOISE: Okay, lock and load, free the prisoners, we're going nuclear..
JACK: We're gonna blow up the island?
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Let's sum it up. If Faraday is right - about using the bomb to stop the explosion at the Swan Station, then none of this would have ever happened: Flight 815, the hatch, Boone, Shannon, Ana Lucia and Charlie would all be alive!
[scene changes to action figures]
JACK: We can undo everything? Like it never happened?
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Whoa! Alrighty then, let's nuke paradise!
[scene changes to action figures]
RICHARD: Calm down, kids - it's just a bomb, you know, buried under DHARMAville, you know, but we gonna swim to it like a fish, man. Under this lake, you know. Swim. Swim.
KATE: Umm.. I'm not going.
JACK: WHAAAT??
OTHER: You're not going anywhere!
[Gunshot] [Scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: Sayid's back!
[Sayid cut-out enters]
SAYID: Hello, everyone.
[Scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: And already killing people!
[Scene changes to Sayid cut-out]
SAYID: I am not a killer.
[Scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: On that note, it's time for a dip. Off to the bomb, that's under a lake inside a secret temple, and right under DHARMAville.
[scene changes to action figures]
JACK: Now what?
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back in the here and now, Locke has brought home the bacon.
LOCKE: Dinner is served!
MENU: Tonight's special is a succulent sliced island wild boar ala Locke.
LOCKE: Mmmmm! Yummy!
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: But dinner isn't the only thing on Locke's mind, 'cause he's going to visit - you know who - BUM BUM BUM!! Jacob.
[scene changes to action figures]
BEN: Why do you want to see Jacob, John?
RICHARD: Yeah, Johnny boy, what's up with the J-man? Why the rush? Why the hurry? What's the plan, kid?
LOCKE: I'm going to kill Jacob.
[scene changes to comic panels]
NARRATOR: What? let's recap. DHARMAville is in complete chaos. Sawyer - I mean, LaFleur - and Juliet are now hostages for kidnapping little Ben and locking Phil in a closet. To stop the torturing they make a deal and spill some intel about the Others in exchange for a ride on the sub to get off the island. That's right. The Hippies are leaving the island, per Dr. Chang, who now believes something really bad is about to happen. Meanwhile, Jack and Kate are with the hostiles and have convinced them to set off the H-bomb, and hopes it will undo this huge mess and prevent all this from happening. Uh.. that's what Faraday thought, but now that he's dead, we just.. don't know, do we? Kate still thinks this is all crazy, bails on the bomb plan, and ends up on the sub with Lafleur - I mean, Sawyer - I mean, LaFleur - and Juliet. Aawkkwarrd! Last but not least, Locke is on a mission to find Jacob. But this is no meet and greet. 'cause Johnny boy plans on killing him. Uh-oh!
That's it. Follow the Leader. Untangled. Don't miss the season finale event - Wednesday starting at 8/7c on ABC. Then, come back here in three weeks for our biggest, our baddest, and most amazing Untangled episode to date.
[ABC fred lab logo]
JACK: We can undo eeevveeerryythiinng??
"The Incident, Part 1" & "The Incident, Part 2"[]
NARRATOR: If you're Lost on Lost we've got you covered this is ABC's Lost Untangled. Let's get right to it. Jack and Sayid want to nuke the Island. Sawyer, I mean LaFleur, is leaving the Island with Kate and Juliet. Awkward! And, Locke is on a death march to kill Jacob. Oh, and the Beachies? Yeah. They've still got the crate with something in it. Meanwhile, DHARMAville is in chaos and the hippies are about to release a huge pocket of energy! That might just kill everyone. Well, If Jack's nuke doesn't do it first. But that's not all, because we're finally about to meet, you know who, Jacob! The man with a plan, who seems to be behind everything. So to untangle all this and take the season out with a bang, pun intended, we got a little help from our friends, the world's greatest recap rock band! Previously on LOST. For the greatest untangled yet, The LOST Untangled Finale Event!
Body[]
[music starts]
BAND: Fried fish upon a rock base, As a sailboat races to this place, This man says they'll be a disgrace. Then declares a new goal, To kill you with a loophole.
Sneakin' 'round the world To all the boys and girls. He hasn't aged a day, Listen to what he's got to say.
Locke you're gonna be OK. Hurley you're not crazy. A cool Korean wedding day. Steal the lunchbox, I'll pay. Here's a pen, avenger your pa, Sawyer you're a superstar. Jack you forgot your candy bar. Oops, your wife got hit by a car. Oops, oops, oops, your wife got hit by a car.
Bringing the bomb to blow the Swan.
JACK: What?!?!?!? We can undo everything!?!?!?!?!?! Like it never happened?!?!?!?!?! Ever?!?!?! Never, Ever?!?!?!?!?!
BAND: But our new miss inside the sub could prove to be mutiny.
SAWYER: I left that Island for a reason Freckles.
JULIET: Again with the Freckles.
KATE: I do have freckles.
KATE and JULIET: UM, Yeah, Um, It's complicated.
KATE: Just focus.
BAND: And the Iraqi's Under attack. He's Packing plutonium. We're gonna fight back! Solving our problems with violence! We'll change our futures and past with a hydrogen blast. So don't forget your handgun license! We'll shoot the suits. NO PA-A-AIN!
JACK: OH NO! It's a gunfight! Bullets everywhere!!!!!
ROGER: Shoot the Iraqi!
SAYID: Yes, they are bullets. You have identified them correctly.
HURLEY: Duuuuuuuuuuuuude!
UNKNOWN: Bang! Bang!
JACK: That was a close one! AAAHHH!
SAWYER: That's the end of the road, double-wide.
JACK: WHAT!?!?!!?!?!? I still love her!!!!!!!
SAWYER: Shut up and fight, bedpan!
JACK: Here comes The haymaker!
SAWYER: Here's a right from Sawyer and a left from LaFleur!
JACK: Momma said knock you out, and I'm gonna! Glass chin, look out!
JULIET: Oh my god! Okay, stop. I changed my mind. Again. Let's nuke the island. Just do it.
JACK: Lock and load!
BAND: Beached in the future, Locke picks up the pace. Chosen to kill Jacob, he explains to Ben the case. That he's the guy. (You're the man, you're the man) To make Jake die. (Yes, you can, yes you can.) But, Jacob took insurance. His henchmen heed the call. What lies in the Shadow of the Statue Is: He who will save us all.
Carrying the box who's contents scare and shock.
FRANK: Oh, no there's trouble in that crate. Oh no.
BAND: They will burn whatever may Block their way. Reaching the statue before they can catch you. Look out Jacob, Locke is comin' at you. Solving our problems with violence. A swift execution is the perfect solution. After years of looming in silence, You spoke to Ben...
BEN: What about meeeeee? You've been ignoring me Jacob. I'm talking to you Jacob. Jacob!
BAND: Who did pretend
JACOB: What about youououou!
LOCKE: Kill him, Benjamin!
BAND: He'll cause the end, But now Jacob's kaput in a giant foot. The crate's been unlatched now our hopes are detached, For the corpse it contains proves our leader's a crock. The mystery man whose mystery spans Over 200 years finds a loophole in Locke.
LOCKE: WHAT!
BAND: IN DHARMAville, the DHARMA drill Is reaching the pocket releasing the energy. Killing Phil What a thrill, Paving the way for the fight of the century.
CROWD: Drop the bomb!
JACK: I'm on a nuke! Ah ha ha!
BAND: But it didn't blow. I can't hold on any longer. Sawyer's strong, but the force is stronger. I can't hold on any longer. Love is strong, but the force is stronger.
SAWYER: Don't let go, Barbie doll.
JULIET: I'm falling! I'm still falling.
BAND: The bomb is a way to a brand new day. The bomb is a way to a brand new day!
JULIET: Oh my god! I've fallen and I can't get up!
BAND: The bomb is a way to a brand new day. The bomb is a way to a brand new day!
JULIET: Oh my god, detonate, OK?
BAND: The bomb is a way to a brand new day. Brand new day!
JULIET: Oh my god, just detonate, OK?
[See you in 2010]
JACK: IS THAT IT!
SAWYER: SHUT UP AND FIGHT BEDPAN!
Five Seasons in 5 Minutes[]
NARRATOR: Now, a special edition of ABC's Lost Untangled. (stamps) ALL FIVE SEASONS IN FIVE MINUTES.
Body[]
NARRATOR: [comic panels] Our story begins with Oceanic Flight 815 bound for LA, until, IT CRASHED ON AN ISLAND turning the random band of strangers into [changes to softer voice] survival buddies. [back to normal voice] Here's our main players: [showing each character, whether it is a cut-out or an action figure] Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Jin & Sun, Charlie, Claire, Locke, Sayid, Hurley, Shannon, Boone, Rose, Michael, his son Walt and a dog [drops a stuffed dog] (referring to Vincent). The rest of our survivors were in the tail section, otherwise known as the "Tailies", who landed on a different part of the island [shows cut-out split plane and lands on different parts of the island]. They are: (once again showing cut-outs) Ana Lucia, Libby, Bernard and Mr. Eko. More on them in a minute. Now that they're stuck on this island [shows the island and "Home Sweet Home" pops-out] and Jack becomes our leader.
JACK: [in a whining manner] IF WE CAN'T LIVE TOGETHER, WE'LL DIE ALONE!
OTHER HEAD SURVIVORS: Oooohhh.
NARRATOR: But this is not a normal island. It's filled with polar bears [shows stuffed polar bear], smoke monsters [shows "smoke monster" from the Dead is Dead Untangled episode], costal natives [shows Tom and a DHARMA jumpsuit] and ancient statues! [shows three Taweret feet] And even worse, they're not alone [shows back to the "Home Sweet Home" scene and adds soe "My Home Sweet Home" logos on other parts of the island]. [comic panels] The island is filled with Others! No, really they're called "The Others"!
TOM: This is our island.
NARRATOR: And they wear scary beards. Weeks go by and no one rescues our survivors, [showing "S.O.S.:("] so they build a raft and sail away. Then, the Others kidnap Walt. [shows a hand grabbing the Walt cut-out]
MICHAEL: WAAAAALT!
NARRATOR: AND BLOW UP THEIR BOAT! So they swim to shore, and get captured by the Tailies! You see, the Tailies don't know about the other survivors, until now.
TAILIE: Well, I don't think they're Others, don't you?
NARRATOR: Glad that's settled. Now, everyone is accounted for, tips and tailies. Meanwhile, back on the other beach, our survivors have found a mysterious underground house [shows Locke action figure with a lighted hatch], filled with food, guns and beer! [survivors cheer] YEAH! This hatch was build to save the world! Well, according to group of scientists who lived there in the '70s. So, how do you save the world? By pushing a button every 108 minutes! Really? Yeah! And that's Desmond's job. He was sailing around the world and crashed on the island.
DESMOND: [cut-out] OH BROTHA!
NARRATOR: It's a good thing too since he became part button pusher. And then, this guy shows up [comic panel of Ben]. THE LYING, SCHEMING, CONNIVING AND ABOVE ALL DIABOLICAL BEN LINUS! He's one of the Others. AND CONVINCES EVERYONE THAT THE BUTTON IS A JOKE!
BEN BOBBLEHEAD: Nyahahahahaha!
NARRATOR: So they stop pushing it! Which causes the hatch to blow up! Great! [shows survivors wearing party hats and Hawiian necklaces] This island party is starting to suck. [suddenly the hats and necklaces are removed] Just then, the Others kidnap our heroes! Jack, Kate and Sawyer! Forcing our surgeon to operate on the lying, scheming, conniving and overall diabolical Ben Linus.
BEN: Nyehheehehehee..
NARRATOR: But that's the least of their worries. Cause there's a smoke monster on the island! It's deadly.
SMOKE MONSTER: Raaaaah! (coughs)
NARRATOR: Uh, smoke monster? Now they REALLY wanna leave the island, except for John Locke. [shows Desmond panel saying "Let's go brotha."]
LOCKE: WAAAAAAIT!
NARRATOR: So, he blows up the submarine! And just when things couldn't get any worse! More people arrive! On a freighter! Yay! [shows Keamy pointing a gun, with captions saying "Freeze Sucka!"] Rescued! [showing Miles saying "You too sucka!"] But one of our survivors finds out that they want to nuke the island and DROWNS before he can save everyone! Then, the freighter explodes! But our heroes escape on a chopper! But it's too heavy, so Sawyer jumps out! And it crashes in the ocean.
JACK: WHAT HAPPENED?
NARRATOR: Only six make it home. The rest are left behind. That is a good thing too. Cause after they left, the island disappears! How? Cause Ben turned this giant wheel. That's how. But our rescued survivors decide to return.
LOCKE: It's their destiny!
JACK: WE HAVE TO GO BAAAAAAAACK!
NARRATOR: And they do - on Ajira Flight 316.
RUPA: Greetings and salutation, friendly fliers.
HURLEY: Dude!
NARRATOR: But their plan doesn't work! (Shows footage of Lost Untangled: 316) Aaaakh! Because the island disappeared, half of them arrive in the past, half of them in the present. Great. Time traveling. What are they gonna do now? Well, the folks in the past get a job with DHARMA. You know, the people that made the button.
DHARMA OFFICER: Welcome, new recruits.
HURLEY: Dude.
NARRATOR: Sawyer becomes a cop (referring to Sawyer's status as Head of Security) and Jack wields a mop (referring to Jack's status as a workman).
JACK: WHAAAAAAAT?!
NARRATOR: But wait, there's a problem! Something bad is about to happen (showing finger pointing at the wheel), and our resident physicist, Dr. Faraday (showing archive footage of Lost Untangled: The Variable), is the only one who can prevent the Incident. Meanwhile, our survivors back in the present, meet the mysteriously pleasant Jacob.
JACOB: (in a hippie manner) Hey guys.
NARRATOR: AND DECIDE TO KILL HIM!
THE MAN IN BLACK / LOCKE: Let's do some murdering! (Showing archive footage of Lost Untangled: The Incident) KILL HIM BENJAMIN!
NARRATOR: So, our island's leader is dead, and our other survivors are about to set off a nuke to fix this huge mess, and bring everyone back together (shows Faraday comic panel saying, "Wanna sing kumbaya?").
JACK: DEEESSSSTINYYYYY!!!
SAWYER: YOU CRAZY BEDPAN!!!!
NARRATOR: Yeah, he is. 'Cause they think setting off this bomb will put them right back on the plane before it crashed!
JACK: WE CAN UNDO EEEVEEERYTHIIING???!!!!
NARRATOR: That's the idea, but will it work? The only way to find out - is nuking the island!!
(The Incident footage)
SAWYER: Don't you leave me.
JULIET: I love you James.
(Sawyer and Juliet scream as Juliet falls down)
(Goes back to Untangled)
JULIET: Oh, just detonate already. Okay. You, blow up.
(Island blows up)
NARRATOR: NOW WHAT? Guess we'll find out at February 2nd at 9/8 central when Lost: The Final Season premieres. Booyahh!
[ABC Fred lab logo]
NARRATOR: Watch the entire saga of Lost on ABC.com also available on DVD and Blu-Ray.
"LA X, Part 1" & "LA X, Part 2"[]
[DHARMA video-like presentation; mix of live-action scenes and cut-outs; this will apply to following episodes]
NARRATOR: And now, the tangled web of ABC's Lost simplified by Windows 7. This is Lost: The Final Season Untangled.
Body[]
NARRATOR:In 2004, a plane crashed in the South Pacific. Leaving these survivors stranded on a strange and unknown island. Half of them leave on a chopper. The rest are left behind. A rescue mission is attempted but fails.
JACK: WHAAAAAT?
NARRATOR: Now everyone is back on the island. But half are stuck in the '70s and half in present day. Our heroes then decide to detonate a nuclear warhead to reset everything and prevent their plane from crashing. It is unclear if this plan was effective.
JACK: WHAAAAAAT?
NARRATOR: Our survivors are now on the island and also back in LA as if nothing ever happened. As a result of the blast, Juliet has died [stamps "NEW SHOW"], Sawyer blames Jack;
SAWYER: I'm gonna kill you bedpan!
NARRATOR: And Kate is still confused.
JACK: I STILL LOVE HER!!
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the man known as John Locke has become a smoke monster. Ben just murdered the island's leader and now everyone is being rushed to the Temple.
HURLEY: Dude!
NARRATOR: As this epic saga nears the end, we will guide you through this final season with the worldwide expert on Lost, Dr. Pierre Chang.
[shows puppet Dr. Chang]
CHANG: Hello. I am the Dr. Chang puppet. Yes, I'm Dr. Chang, but I'm a puppet, too. You may have seen me in episodes entitled "Some Like It Hoth" [shows Chang puppet in scenes of the episode], "The Incident" and countless more. I am here to provide pivotal information you will need to untangle to web of Lost. These videos will occur weekly from my scientific headquarters in Ann Arbor (shows jungle background) - what? You-(faces background crew)you put out the wrong backdrop! Pay close attention (transmission signal-like scenes repeat "attention") will be revealed about the secrets of Lost. This week, we will be discussing the Others. And there is no other expert other than me when it comes to-wait for it-the Others! Ahahaha!! (shows broken transmission; broken transmission occur also in the following episodes) Let's look through my telescope. These indigenous people are known as the Others. A mysterious and secretive group, first seen on the island in the 1950s. Back when television was black and white! Like this (hits a button): (Shows Richard, an other and "The Others" placard in an old-TV-show like way) Not too exciting. I know. WE DON'T HAVE A BUDGET FOR 3D. WHAT DO YOU WANT? This season, we have a new tribe of Others. The are the Other Others. These Other Others appear to be working for Jacob.
JACOB: (in a hippie-like manner) Hi! I'm the most mysterious man on the island, 'kay?
CHANG: And Jacob helps Hurley save his friend, Sayid. He (Sayid) was hurt in a gunfight.
HURLEY: Dude! We gotta visit the Temple, dude. It will save your life, dude.
CHANG: So, they take Sayid to the Temple. Where they meet the Other Others' leader, Dogen. He only speaks through a translator.
DOGEN: (in Japanese/gibberish) "English tastes bad in my tongue."
CHANG: Dogen, leader of the Other Others, proceeds to drown Sayid in a brown, dirty pool of filth. (smells his own bowl of dirty water) Augh!
JACK: (in a whining manner) YOU KILLED HIIIIIM!
HURLEY, JIN, SAWYER and KATE: (Gasp)
DOGEN: (in Japanese/gibberish): "Sayid is evil."
CHANG: (still with bowl of "dirty water" and with a CCTV beside him) Fortunately for Sayid, this wreched liquid brought him back to life! I will now demonstrate this by putting Sayid into the liquid. (puts Sayid cutout in dirty water) And there you go. Eh, obviously in the lab it doesn't do too much because it's cardboard in water, but you get the idea. (shows Sayid in CCTV)
SAYID: Hello, Pierre.
CHANG: What the-
SAYID: It's me.
CHANG: Who?
SAYID: Sayid. Can you hear me? I am back.
CHANG: Waaaah!
SAYID: From the dead.
CHANG: Oh my goodness!
SAYID: Pierre?
CHANG: Waaaah!
SAYID: Pierre?
CHANG: It worked! (somehow in a Frankenstein-like way) AHAHAHA! NAMASTE GOODBYE!
NARRATOR: That's it! Lost: The Final Season premiere entitled "LA X". Simplified by Windows 7. Come back next week foran all new episode of Lost: The Final Season. Tuesday 9/8 central on ABC and a new Lost Untangled on ABC.com. Watch the entire saga of Lost on ABC.com also available on DVD and Blu-Ray.
[ABC Fred Lab logo]
CHANG: ROLL IT! Oh. (puts hand on button) Margaret, please rotate.
"What Kate Does"[]
NARRATOR: And now the tangled web of ABC's Lost, simplified by Windows 7. This is Lost: The Final Season Untangled. And now the worldwide expert on Lost, Dr. Pierre Chang.
Body[]
[shows puppet Chang wih a tie with multiple Kate photos and it also shows that there are multiple Kate photos in his lab, indicating that he is obssessed with Kate]
CHANG: Hello. Hahaha. I am Dr. Pierre Chang and I am here to untangle the world of Lost. Hahahahahaha. Remember, after the nuke went off, two scenarios play out. One in which it worked, and they landed in LA. And the other, where everyone ends up back at the Island. This week, we untangle episode 6-03 entitled "What. Kate. Does." (to himself) Hmmm... I know what Kate does for me. (back to the viewers) So, back at the Temple, Sayid has come back to life!
SAYID: Hello, Pierre.
CHANG: After being drowned in a brown, dirty pool of life-giving filth. Then the Others burned him with a hot poker --
SAYID: Aaaah!
CHANG: --and tried to kill him again! Agh, life at the Temple is not going so well. Sawyer has had enough!
SAWYER: I've had enough of you, mother-Others.
CHANG: Wha? it's the other Others. Chah, well anyway, he runs away, but Kate vows to bring. him. back. But she has other intentions. So, Kate, bubbalah, tell me, what's going on?
KATE: Ummm, on the Island, I don't know. I can't decide who I want.
CHANG: Make up your mind. Go on.
KATE: But, in my alternate life in LA, I ran away, kicked some butt, and hijacked a cab with a pregnant girl in it. Hmm, Claire.
CHANG: No, a pregnant girl?
KATE: If the plane never crashed, we would still meet and help each other. Just like we did on the Island. We are bonded by fate.
CHANG: (to himself) Just like you and I are.
KATE: Pay attention!
CHANG: Hah! Uh, sorry. Yes, it was very interesting, Kate. Thank you for your report. Ugh. Now, back on the Island, Jack is upset with Kate's plan.
JACK: I still love her!
CHANG: What a whiner. Eventually, Kate does find Sawyer, all upset with tears in his eyes cause Juliet died. Waah, I'm a baby, waah...
SAWYER: I still love her.
CHANG: Meanwhile, has been wandering around the jungle, too, looking for his love, Sun. But, he's caught, by the other Others. He tries to escape, and gets trapped, in a bear trap, or I guess a polar bear trap. Hahahahaha. And just before the Others shoot him dead, who shows up to the rescue?
CLAIRE: Hi.
CHANG: Claire! She's baaack.
CLAIRE: Surprise.
CHANG (in blonde wig): Surprise! Namaste.
NARRATOR: That's it. Lost: The Final Season. Episode 6-03 entitled "What Kate Does," simplified by Windows 7. Come back next week, for an all new episode of Lost: The Final Season, Tuesday at 9/8 central on ABC and a new Lost Untangled at ABC.com. Watch the entire saga of Lost on ABC.com also available on DVD and Blu-Ray.
CHANG (in blonde wig): Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yes. Mmm. (wig falls off) Ahahah. (whimpers and cries away)
Jim Henson Creature Shop[]
Body[]
CHANG: Hello. I am Dr. Pierre Chang, and I host Lost: Untangled on ABC.com. Gee, I would be "lost" myself without the Jim Henson Creature Shop. Hahahaha! I promised I will give them this plug (shows plug) and send it too.. (Chang notices plug) What is this? The Soupy Sales Show? Get that out of here! Anyway, I just wanted to say hello, and you guys are the greatest! Join me anytime in the hot tub. Okay? Thank you very much. Alright Margaret, hit send. Uhh. Promos. Promos.
[shows Jim Henson's creature shop logo] [shows "visit www.henson.com"]
"The Substitute"[]
NARRATOR: And now, the tangled web of ABC's Lost simplified by Windows 7. This is Lost: The Final Season Untangled, with the worldwide expert on Lost, Dr. Pierre Chang.
Body[]
CHANG: (is looking at microscope until Chang sees screen) Oh, hello. I am Dr. Pierre Chang. (showing archive footage from Lost Untangled: The Incident) Now, remember, after the nuke went off, two scenarios play out: one in which it worked and they land in LA, and the other where everyone ends up back on the island. This week, we untangle episode 604 entitled, "The Substitute". Let's start in Los Angeles, where things aren't going so well for John Locke. (shows Locke in a TV) Talk to me John, how are things going?
LOCKE: I can't walk and just got fired!
CHANG: (bored) Bla, bla, bla..that's too bad.
LOCKE: Now, I'm teaching sex ed to tweens (Chang yawns) and Hurley got me a job!
CHANG: (still bored) Yes, very, very interesting, yes.
LOCKE: And Ben Linus works at the school!
CHANG: Oh, yes, you mean the lying, scheming, conniving, and above all diabolical Ben Linus?
LOCKE: Are..you..patronizing..me?
CHANG: Yes...
LOCKE: I'm having a really hard time here.
CHANG: Oh, really? YOU'RE having a hard time? You try having someone's hand up your (censored by broken transmissions). Gah... (moves away) On the island, it's a real mess, you know. John Locke has become an evil cloud of death smoke. After killing everyone in the giant foot, he kidnapped Richard Alpert. You know, the guy with the guyliner. Like this: (shows Chang with eyeliner). It appears that "Smokey" (The Man in Black) and "Guyliner" (Richard) have a long history together.
(footage from LA X) THE MAN IN BLACK: It's good to see you out of those chains.
CHANG: More on that later. (shows footage of LA X in which MiB beats up Richard) Meanwhile, our survivors are freaked out! (shows Lost action figures screaming) There are two John Lockes! (another Pierre Chang puppet appears) Weird, huh? And Smokey, I mean, uh, (shows "FLOCKE = Fake Locke") F-Locke, is trying to convince everyone to join him. For what, you ask? I can't tell you yet! (shows broken transmissions while Chang was talking) Surprisingly, Sawyer joins team Smokey; or as I like to call it, "The Smoking Club". This is my smoking club. (shows Chang with chemicals with bubbles and smoke coming out) Ha ha ha! And he follows him to a mysterious cave with names all over the walls.
SAWYER: (shows Sawyer action figures with "Smoking Club" words written on his shirt) I want some answers, 8-ball!
CHANG: Could that be Jacob's handwriting?
JACOB: (Cut-out burning in fire; speaking in dude-like manner) Hey. I'm the most mysterious guy in the island, 'kay?
CHANG: He really is a mysterious guy. Anyway, this Jacob was bringing all these people to the island because they were candidates to replace him and protect the place! And Sawyer is... a CANDIDATE, (shows "SAWYER 2010" candidate promo; similar to TIME Obama cover) which means he has three choices: one, (shows Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?-like format on screen; the question being "If selected to take care of the island, any self-respecting con-artist chooses to:") do nothing; two, take the job; three, leave the island; number four (shows "D: Go back to cottage and drink more whisky in your sexy underwear and mourn your dead girlfriend...")... There is no number four! I told you, three choices.
SAWYER: Numero tres, chrome-dome.
CHANG: Ah! You wanna leave the island with evil incarnate? What are you thinking?! Gah... I was hoping for number two. That way, I can see his packs for another season. You know about his packs, don't you? They are WONDERFUL!!!! Eh, namaste.
NARRATOR: That's it! Lost: The Final Season episode 604 entitled, "The Substitute", simplified by Windows 7. Come back next week for an all new episode of Lost: The Final Season, Tuesday at 9/8 central on ABC and a new and a new Lost: Untagled on ABC.com. Watch the entire saga of Lost on ABC.com, also available on DVD and Blu-Ray.
(ABC Fred Lab logo)
CHANG: Hey Margaret, c'mere. I'm gonna show you my packs, whether you like it or not. Hehehe.