Crooked Little Vein Quotes

“He'd always liked women who'd talk back to him just a little bit. "Girls with balls" were good. Women with an actual mind of their own who could prove him wrong in something were, of course, castrating bitches who should be drowned in bottomless wells.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Shopping for clothes is a Boyfriend Thing. You stand around and look blankly at a bunch of pieces of fabric and you look at the price tags and you wonder how something that'd barely cover your right nut can cost the price of a kidney and you watch the shop assistants check you out and wonder what you're doing with her because she's cute and you're kind of funny-looking and she tries clothes on and you look at her ass in a dozen different items that all look exactly the same and let's face it you're just looking at her ass anyway and it all blurs together and then someone sticks a vacuum cleaner in your wallet and vacuums out all the cash and you leave the store with one bag so small that mice couldn't fuck in it. Repeat a dozen times or until the front of your brain dies.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“When I got the tattoo, I knew I was drawing a crooked line between myself and society.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“You think that drinking with a serial killer takes you into the midnight currents of the culture? I say bullshit. There's been twelve TV documentaries, three movies and eight books about me. I'm more popular than any of these designed-by-pedophile pop moppets littering the music television and the gossip columns. I've killed more people than Paris Hilton has desemenated, I was famous before she was here and I'll be famous after she's gone. I am the mainstream. I am, in fact, the only true rock star of the modern age. Every newspaper in America never fails to report on my comeback tours, and I get excellent reviews.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“He was in blue jeans and a work shirt, which is another weird quirk of Rich Old Men. Just one of the guys here. Blue jeans and a work shirt, salt of the earth, working man like yourself. Like they're somehow uncomfortable about being rich enough to sleep in a bed made of vaginas being pulled around the town at night by a fleet of gold-covered midgets.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“The two most dangerous things in the world are rich people and crazy people. The Roanokes are rich like pharoahs and crazier'n a snake-fucking baby.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“All the time, I was telling myself, just enjoy it for what it is, don’t be weird, don’t get all screwed up over something it isn’t. The usual mantra when you’re with someone who you’re not really with and desperately want to be.
Have you noticed how telling yourself all that shit never actually helps?”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“I wish I still had that photo.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“You know what it's like, finding eight middle-aged guys having tantric sex with ostriches?”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Gentrification had stopped dead several doors west of my spot overlooking Avenue B. You could actually see the line. That side of the line; Biafran cuisine, sparkling plastic secure window units, women called Imogen and Saffron, men called Josh and Morgan. My side of the line; crack whores, burned-out cars, bullets stuck in door frames, and men called Father-Eating Bastard. It’s almost a point of honour to live near a crackhouse, like living in a pre-Rudy Zone, a piece of Old New York.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Some asshole scraped the 'I' out of INVESTIGATOR with their keys six months ago. I simply can’t be bothered to fix that one. For all the work I get, I may as well be an 'invest gator”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Small things bring joy, somedays.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Straight people are so fucking weird.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“At the departure gate, a drunken airport security woman was handing out box cutters to the passengers.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“I stood there alone in the eerily silent streets of Las Vegas and listened to my penis cry.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee mug. It was a huge brown bastard; had a body like a turd with legs and beady black eyes full of secret rat knowledge.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“This is the mainstream now, Mike. This is how life in America is. Moment by moment, our country has grown sicker. Our borders, Mike, have come to encompass the nine circles of Hell.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“[. . .] a super-rat. I nailed it across the eyes once with a lucky shot with the butt of my gun, but it got up again and shat in my telephone.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Bukkake,” said a voice in my ear. “Multiple ejaculations onto the face. It’s the new thing.” It was the tattooed girl, crouched behind my chair. “This is the only genuine and authentic Godzilla Bukkake night in America.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Big old fat naked naked dead guy flopped over a vacuum cleaner that was still chewing on his dick. This is my life, Trix.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“I’ve said I love you when I’ve meant it, and I’ve said I love you when it was the right thing to say, and I’ve said I love you when saying anything else would have hurt someone without reason. And I couldn’t say a word, there in the dark.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“life. You gave up on the book and the job and the money to save my life. I could fall in love with you.” I’ve”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Consider this, though. If I’ve seen it on the Internet, is it still underground? ‘Underground’ always connoted something hidden, something difficult to see and find. Something underneath the surface of things, yes? But if it’s on the Internet—and I do praise the Lord that I lived long enough to see such a wondrous thing—it cannot possibly be underground.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“He drifted out the door like a handful of black feathers cast on a winter’s breeze.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“All the time, I was telling myself, just enjoy it for what it is, don’t be weird, don’t get all screwed up over something it isn’t. The usual mantra when you’re with someone who you’re not really with and desperately want to be. Have you noticed how telling yourself all that shit never actually helps?”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“I don’t want to kill her. But then I don’t want to shit and eat. But in the order to live I have to do it.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“Fuck America and get rich like astronauts.”
― Warren Ellis , Crooked Little Vein

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s do something really goddamn stupid.”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein

“I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee mug. It”
― Warren Ellis, Crooked Little Vein