Chet Ubetcha: No, I'm not a giant bug! I'm Chet U-bug-ya in my fly-shaped 3-D glasses for tonight's big TV premiere of I Was a Teenage Blowfly![a fly with the head of a teenager screams] It's the scariest movie ever made about a boy turned into a fly. And all of Dimmsdale will be watching! [cut to Timmy watching this in his room] You don't wanna miss it!
Timmy: Oh, I'm not gonna miss it! No one's more excited than me! I have my blowfly action figure, my blowfly 3-D glasses, and my blowfly-flavored popcorn! [eats popcorn and coughs it up] Mmm, that's good blowfly! I'm gonna love this movie.
Mr. Turner: Oh no, you won't! That movie is rated is FTTFTT... Far Too Terrifying for Timmy Turner!
Mrs. Turner: The blowfly movie is really scary, Timmy! It will scar you for life!
Mr. Turner: And that's our job!
Mrs. Turner: So we'll just take your TV so you're not tempted to watch... [pulls on the TV, pulling out the power outlet it is plugged into] You know what responsible parents we are!
Mr. Turner: And now we can watch on two TVs! [he and his wife run out of the room with the TV]
Timmy: Okay, fine, no problem. This is why I have fairy godparents. [Cosmo and Wanda poof up a widescreen TV] Thanks, Wanda!
Wanda: Uh, that TV isn't for you, it's for us! [shrinks the TV] We're going to watch the movie in the fishbowl, [puts the TV there] so we need you to babysit Poof! We can't let him see it—it'll scar him for life!
Cosmo: Yeah! And that's our job!
Timmy: So what am I supposed to do?
Cosmo: You can change Poof's diaper! [as a fly flies around Poof] That's even scarier than the movie! [gives Poof to Timmy. He and Wanda poof into the fishbowl castle and turn on the TV]
Timmy: [sniffs Poof's diaper] Aw, this stinks! [changing Poof's diaper] There's gotta be some way I can watch this movie... If only I were a fly on the wall. [the fly goes into his ear, behind his eyes, and out his other ear] That's it! Poof, I wish I was a fly! [a poster on the wall shows the fly-headed teenager and the teenager-headed fly]
Poof: Ooh! Poof-poof! [grants the wish]
Timmy: Ha ha! Awesome! I'm fly-size! C'mon, Poof! It's movie time! [flies off. A figure overshadows Poof, who waves at it and then shrinks to fly size and follows Timmy to a lamp in the living room] Just in time! I bet this is the part where the teenager gets the head of the fly!
Teenager: [on TV] Gee willikers! I'm bound to get an A on my nifty body switching project! [a fly lands on his ear. He pulls the lever on his body switching machine. The TV screens flash]
Mr. Turner: This 3-D is so realistic! Now, honey... if this silly movie gets too scary, cling to me like the womanly ivy clings to the big, manly maple tree and— [the now–fly-headed teenager snarls and seemingly sticks its tongue out beyond the screen. Mr. Turner screams and hides behind the couch] Quick! Turn on the light! [Mrs. Turner turns on the lamp. Timmy casts a shadow on the wall. Mr. Turner shouts] The teenage blowfly's in this room!
Mrs. Turner: Oh, silly! It's just two ordinary houseflies! Shoo! Shoo! [Timmy and Poof fly away as she tries to hit them with a flyswatter. Timmy screams, and he and Poof fly out the window. Mrs. Turner shakes the flyswatter at them, then closes the window and sits back on the couch]
Timmy: Drat! How are we gonna see the movie now? [Poof points to houses where people watching the movie gasp] You're right, Poof! We can watch at any house we want! This wish is perfect! [they fly off. Fade to the Turners' house. A fly with Timmy's body breaks out of Timmy's room. Lightning strikes. The fly-boy sticks his tongue out. Cut to AJ's house]
AJ: Heartbeat increasing. Armpits at SWEATCON 5. Scientifically, this can only mean one thing, Father.
Scientist: [on TV, to the teenage blowfly] Stay back! Back! Back, I say! [fires a laser. AJ and his father scream and duck as laser beams come from the TV and shoot holes in a wall]
Timmy: [as he and Poof enter through the holes] Sweet! We found a nice safe place to watch the movie! [an alarm starts blaring]
AJ and AJ's Dad: [scream] The blowfly's real! [AJ presses a button labeled "Fly Swatter X-30". A laser comes out of a chandelier and fires at Timmy. Timmy and Poof scream and get off the window they were on as the laser shoots holes in it, then fly through the holes and away from the house. Cut to the Turners' house. On TV, the blowfly and a teenage girl are in a car on a cliff called Makeout Point. The blowfly yawns and puts three of its six arms around the girl's shoulder. She rests on the blowfly. Mrs. Turner's lip quivers, then she notices her husband hiding behind the couch]
Mrs. Turner: Honey, what are you doing behind the couch?
Mr. Turner: [chuckles nervously] Not hiding from the scary movie. That's for sure! And now I'm going to not hide in the kitchen! [in the kitchen, he sees the fly-boy eating from a trash can] Ooh, there's my son's butt sticking outta the trash can. Nothing scary here! Hiya, Timmy! [the fly-boy rises from the trash and licks a dirty bowl. Mr. Turner shouts] Either puberty's uglier than I remember or the blowfly's real! [running away] Real! Real!
Mrs. Turner: Blowfly? [the fly-boy continues to eat from the trash can] Why, it's only Timmy eating from the garbage again. Maybe I should start making dinner for three. [cut to Happy Trails Trailer Park]
Teenager: [offscreen, from the McBadbats' trailer] I'm a monster! Now my prom is ruined!
Bucky McBadbat: Whoo! This movie is downright scare-ifyin', son!
Chester: And just think how scary it would be if we had a TV to watch it on, Pa!
Timmy: A radio? Not what I had in mind!
Chester: [sees Timmy and gasps] Look, Pa! A fly!
Bucky: Ah, now, them's good eatin'! [chuckles] Get 'im, boy! [Chester throws a fork at Timmy. Timmy and Poof scream. The fork hits the wall, leaving them between its prongs. They fly screaming out of the trailer as more eating utensils are thrown at them. Cut to the Turners' living room]
Mrs. Turner: Oh, finally, a commercial! I need to go powder my nose! Oh, that's girl talk for "go to the bathroom". [walks and notices her husband holding on to her leg. She shakes him off and he lands on the couch]
Mr. Turner: Right... only a movie. [pulling the fly-boy out of a bowl of popcorn] Blowfly not real... [he sees the fly-boy, which sticks his tongue out at him. He screams and jumps to the ceiling. The fly-boy climbs up a wall] The teenage blowfly! He is real! [the fly-boy goes upstairs; on the phone]Dimmsdale Police?! The teenage blowfly's here at my house! [cut to a police station, where the policeman on the phone is watching the movie]
Policeman: Did you say the blowfly's at your house?! Remain calm, sir! We'll assemble the SWAT team! [hangs up and blows a whistle. A SWAT team rappels down, takes out flyswatters, and leaves. Cut to a street]
Timmy: I gotta see the end of this movie, Poof! And nothing in the world's gonna stop me! [a flytrap in front of a flower shop catches him in its mouth, and he escapes] Nothing's gonna— [flies into a bug zapper and gets electrocuted] Nothing's gonna stop... [gets hit by a truck] Must... watch... movie... [the truck's windshield wipers wipe him away. Cut to the Crockers' house]
Mr. Crocker: Thanks for letting me stay up past my bedtime, Mother! [he and Mrs. Crocker are watching the movie]
Mrs. Crocker: Well, Denzel, I wanted you to see that even hideous monsters can find love, too.
Crocker: There's hope for me yet!
Timmy: We made it, Poof! Just in time for the big dramatic conclusion!
Mrs. Crocker: Ooh shivers! I sure am glad that blowfly thingie isn't real! [the TV screen changes to show Chet Ubetcha]
Chet: We interrupt this movie to say: The blowfly thingie's real! And he's been spotted at the Turner house! [the silhouetted fly-boy sticks his tongue out from Timmy's room]
Mr. Turner: He stole my son's clothes, ate my popcorn, and made me yank my wife outta the can before she was done powdering her nose! That's girl talk for "go to the bathroom".
Chet: Citizens of Dimmsdale, let's handle this emergency the way we handle everything we don't understand... with torches and pitchforks! Meet me at the Turner house! Woo-hoo!
Mr. Turner: [holding a pitchfork] Woo-hoo!
Crocker: Torches? Pitchforks? Reminds me of my last parent–teacher conference. Let's go, Mother! [they grab torches and pitchforks off a wall]
Mob: [as the Crockers run outside to join them] Not like us! Not like us! Not like us!
Timmy: A fly-headed boy at my house? Uh, Poof, you didn't switch my head with a fly's like in the movie, didja?
Poof: Poof poof?
Timmy: Oh man! I've gotta get back and switch heads right now, or I'll be stuck like this forever! [flies into a spiderweb] I'm stuck! Poof! Get me loose! Poof? [sees Poof is also stuck to the web. His rattle is out of reach] Good thing this web is spider-free!
Crocker: Oops! I forgot to let my giant pet spiders out for the night! [opening their cage] Have fun, Donnie and Marie! [one of the spiders growls at Timmy]
Timmy: Oh, come on! [cut to the fishbowl]
Wanda: Cosmo! The news says the teenage blowfly is here at Timmy's house!
Cosmo: Quiet, Wanda! I'm watching the movie! [he is looking at the fly-boy] So realistic!
Wanda: [screams] Cosmo, that's not the movie!
Cosmo: Well, this can only mean one thing! [poofs up a chalkboard] Poof switched Timmy's head with a fly's! [poofs drawings of what has happened to Timmy and Poof onto the chalkboard] Then they flew off to watch the movie in a parabolic arc over Dimmsdale, dodging lasers, flytraps, and hungry McBadbats... So if my calculations are correct, we'll find the boys dangling in a web in Mr. Crocker's living room, since, as everyone knows, Crocker runs a spider hatchery!
Wanda: Cosmo! That was brilliant!
Cosmo: I like monkeys! [his head deflates]
Wanda: And it's over. [turning Cosmo back to normal] Oh, let's go find the boys! [poofs herself and Cosmo away. Cut to Timmy and Poof]
Timmy: [as the spiders approach them] Poof, before we get eaten, I just wanna say... this is all your fault! [screams. Wanda appears]
Wanda: [to the spiders] Get away from my boys before I kick your hairy butts! [pulling the web] Which is girl talk for "kick your hairy butts"! [lets go, launching the spiders back into the cage, then dusts off her hands] Thank goodness we're all safe and sound! [an alarm starts ringing]
Computer Voice: Warning: fairies detected. [lasers trap everyone] To catch them and prove to the world you're not a creepy weirdo, push the button... [arrows point to a button labeled "Fairy catcher!"] Push the button... Push the button... Button not pushed... Releasing fairies now. [the lasers recede]
Timmy: Uh, guys, poof us home, quick! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Cut to the Turners' house. The mob approaches] Phew! We got home before the angry mob! But where's the fly-boy? [his closet door opens, revealing the fly-boy on it. He sticks out his tongue, and Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda scream. Cut to outside the room, where Mr. and Mrs. Turner and the mob are]
Mr. Turner: Remember: He's dangerous! You go first, honey! [pushes Mrs. Turner into the room. Her teeth chatter, then she realizes the room is vacant, save for the fairies sleeping in the fishbowl as goldfish]
Mrs. Turner: Nothing here! Not even Timmy!
Mr. Turner: [shouts] A rustling in the closet! [people point pitchforks at the closet. Its door opens, revealing Timmy on it wearing blowfly 3-D glasses. Lightning strikes. He sticks his tongue out and jumps in front of everyone. Mr. Turner screams] I powdered my nose in my pants!
Timmy: Hey, angry mob, what's up?
Mrs. Turner: Why, it's only Timmy! [Mr. Turner screams. The mob mutters and leaves]
Chet: [outside the house] This is Chet Ubetcha reporting that Mr. Turner's a raving lunatic!
Crocker: Worst riot ever! I give it an F! Alright, Mother. Let's go home and check the fairy traps. Not like there's anything ever in them... [they leave]
Mrs. Turner: [putting sandwiches on the mob's pitchforks] Thank you for coming! See you at the next riot! Bye bye now! [to Mr. Turner] Now, while I get ready for bed, you'd better go apologize to Timmy for sending an angry mob to spear him with pitchforks... again.
Mr. Turner: Ooh! I know just how to make it all better! [fade to the TV screen. The machine turns the fly and the teenager back to normal]
Teenager: Golly gee! My head's back on just in time for graduation! [leaves. "The End" appears on the screen]
Timmy: Thanks for letting me watch the end of the movie, Dad.
Mr. Turner: Ooh! We should have watched it together all along, son! With your big, strong dad to protect you, you wouldn't have been scared at all!
Timmy: Uh, but I wasn't scared.
Mr. Turner: Sure, you were! And neither was I!
Mrs. Turner: [offscreen] Time for bed, you two! [they see her step out of the kitchen. She is using hair rollers and a facial mask and has cucumber slices on her eyes. Lightning strikes]
Mr. Turner: [screams and hides behind the couch] I powdered my nose in my pants again! [iris out on Timmy's eye. A fly flies in front of the end title card. Fade to black]
