Dread 'N' Breakfast/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Dread 'N' Breakfast" from Season 6, which aired on November 30, 2008.

Script[]

[The episode begins with the quiet day, until the time machine car bursts in leaving two flaming skid-marks. The gull-wing door opens and Timmy hops out of the car.]

Timmy: I always wanted to do that.
Mr. Turner: (offscreen) Timmy! Time for dinner!

[POOF! Cosmo, Wanda and Poof poof out of the car.]

Timmy: Thanks guys, and can you clean up the flaming skid-marks?

[Timmy dashes offscreen. Then, Abraham Lincoln exits the car.]

Abraham Lincoln: Four score and seven years ago -
Wanda: Oh, we forgot to drop off Abe at Gettysburg.

[Timmy zips into the kitchen with a knife and fork and sits next to Mr. Turner.]

Timmy: I'm starved - what's for dinner?
Mrs. Turner: Here you go! Another piping-hot platter of "SHOE-LOAF". (sets down a casserole of cooked gravy-laced shoes and Timmy gags)
Mr. Turner: Don't worry hon, in some countries, gagging is a compliment.
Timmy: Um, are we tight on money?
Mrs. Turner: What makes you say that?

[The camera pulls back to reveal that they are eating on the floor.]

Timmy: We're eating shoes, on the floor, and there's a Hobo in the corner.

[A hobo on the corner warms himself with a can fire.]

Mrs. Turner: Jasper! I said no more can fires! (shoos Jasper out of the house with a broom) I burned our table to cook our shoes 'cuz we're making the best of your Dad quitting his paying job to follow his non-paying "Dream Job".
Mr. Turner: Who needs money when you have dreams - like being the "Sock Monkey Mogul King"!

[On a room full of sock monkey and crates, Mr. Turner holds up a sock monkey and Timmy grabs it.]

Timmy: Cool! Do they talk or have weapons and battle or something?
Mr. Turner: Eh, no. They're socks that look like monkeys.
Timmy: So why would anyone buy them?
Mr. Turner: Stop torturing me! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE BELIEVE IN MY DREAMS! (takes the monkey back, grabs a crate and runs away)
Timmy: (salts his shoe-loaf and turns to Mrs. Turner) Do we have a back up plan?
Mrs. Turner: Oh yeah! But first eat your shoes. (exits)
Abraham Lincoln: (arrives) Is that shoe loaf that I smell? (sits down and digs in)
Timmy: Oh, I forgot to drop you off at Gettysburg didn't I? (hears pounding outside offscreen)

[Moments Later, Mrs. Turner hammers a sign into the ground: "The Turner Bedand Breakfast!"]

Timmy: (arrives and reads the sign) "The Turner Bed and Breakfast?" What? Strangers are gonna stay in our house?
Mrs. Turner: Not strangers - "Guests." They'll stay for a night and give us money because we don't have any.

[On the curb, Mr. Turner works his sock monkey stand.]

Mr. Turner: Sock Monkeys! Sock Monkeys here! (A mom with a stroller stops with her kid) Buy one. I'M NOT CRAZY!
Mrs. Turner: (her cellphone rings and answers) Hello? Yes, we DO have a vacancy.

[Mr. Crocker's Unsuspecting Van arrives and Mr. Crocker jumps out with a steamer trunk and hands money to Mrs. Turner.]

Mr. Crocker: Great! I'll pay up front, and I'm looking forward to finding your son's FAIRY GODPAR-... er, I mean... relaxing by the fire. (Presses a button on his trunk and a radar dish pops up and spins. He pulls out a Fairy Finder and walks toward the house.) I'll show myself in - FAIRIES!
Mrs. Turner: See, it's just Mr. Crocker and his money. Now, we can afford better shoes to eat.

[The Death Ball lands, then Dark Laser and three Dark Troopers got out with suitcases and sacks of money.]

Dark Laser: Hi, you remember me, I'm Professor Laser who's bent on destroying Timmy Turne- I mean, here are sacks of Earth dollars, and we're looking forward to relaxing by the fire!
Mrs. Turner: (looks at Dark Laser, then the money) Great! Timmy will help you with your bags. Right Sweetheart?
Timmy: Ahhhhhhh!

[Timmy dashes into the house, then he jumps on his bed and talks to his goldfish.]

Timmy: Guys! Dark Laser and Crocker just checked into my house! I gotta figure out how to protect you and me, and - why do I have a bunk bed in my room?

[On Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof, they look scared and points up. Timmy looks. Then, on the upper bunk, Tootie pokes out and looks down at Timmy.]

Tootie: Hi Lover-Boy-Dream-Boat!
Timmy: (dry) Tootie, why are you here?
Tootie: I broke open my piggy bank and gave my money to your Mom and booked one night in the Timmy Suite. KISS ME!
Timmy: Ahhhh!

[Tootie jumps. Then, Timmy grabs the fishbowl and dashes offscreen. Tootie lands on the floor lips first. Timmy runs down the stairs and stops near a high back chair. He catches his breath, but the chair spins to reveal Mr. Crocker in a smoking jacket next to Jasper with another can fire.]

Mr. Crocker: Turner. I was just enjoying a can fire with Jasper the Hobo, but I bet you WISH I was gone. Go ahead. I dare you. (clicks a remote and Fairy Sensors and butterfly nets popped up everywhere out of his clothing) Then, my magic sensors will locate them and capture your FAIRY GODPARENTS!

[Timmy hides his fish behind his back. Then, Dark Laser shoves Mr. Crocker offscreen.]

Mr. Crocker: GAH!

[Dark Laser pulls out his light stick, while Dark Troopers pulled out blasters.]

Dark Laser: We meet again Timmy Turner. But this time you will not escape me.
Mr. Turner: (offscreen) Not so fast! (Dark Laser turns. Then, he gives a sock monkey to each Trooper and Dark Laser) All guests at the "Turner Bed and Breakfast" receive a complimentary Sock Monkey - for only $9.99.
Dark Laser: Cool. Do they flip or have weapons and battle or something?
Mr. Turner: Eh, no.

[Dark Laser and Troopers give the Monkeys back. Mr. Turner cries and exits.]

Dark Laser: Now, where was I? Oh yes, we meet again Timmy Tur...
Timmy: Y'know. I always wondered what this button did... (hits a button on Dark Laser's suit and Dark Laser inflates like a raft) Life raft? Cool! Bye! (dashes away)
Dark Laser: (yells at his Dark Troopers) Get him! (The troopers get in the Dark Laser life raft and start rowing) No! Deflate me first, then get him!

[Timmy arrives in the tree house with his fishbowl.]

Timmy: Okay, my three arch enemies are staying at my house for one night, and I need a plan.

[POOF! Cosmo, Wanda and Poof poof out of the fishbowl.]

Cosmo: We could poof up Vicky and really make it a party!
Timmy: No. No magic. As long as I don't wish for anything, Crocker can't locate you guys and catch you.
Wanda: But you still have to figure out how to defeat Dark Laser and avoid Tootie's lips.
Timmy: Which is why I'm going to hide here for the next 24 hours where nobody can find me.

[Timmy hears a crunch on the roof and looks up. Tootie rips open the roof.]

Tootie: Timmy! I'm the ninja of love! I'm going to kiss you now! Hiyahhhhh! (jumps down with lips puckered and approaches Timmy)
Timmy: Time for plan B!

[Timmy grabs the fishbowl, jumps on a zipline and zooms out the window. Tootie slams and hits the floor face first. Later, Timmy "zips" through a window and sees Mrs. Turner, Mr. Turner, Dark Laser, Mr. Crocker and Jasper by the couch.]

Mrs. Turner: Timmy! Great! You're just in time to enjoy some cheese and charades.
Dark Laser: ...and death!
Mr. Crocker: No cheese for me thanks.
Mrs. Turner: Mr. Laser? Why don't you go first.
Dark Laser: Oh, okay. Here goes... (makes a choking motion, then puts something in an imaginary bag, and throws it over his shoulder)
Mr. Turner: You want to buy a sock monkey. You want to buy all my sock monkeys!
Mr. Crocker: Fairies. You are a fairy! And I'm capturing you. FAIRIES!

[Dark Laser shakes "No". He then works a steering wheel, throws the bag out the window and shoots imaginary lasers.]

Mrs. Turner: You're capturing Timmy, throwing him into a bag, releasing him into space, destroying the Earth, and then moving on with your life?
Dark Laser: That's it!

[They all cheer and Timmy gulps.]

Mrs. Turner: (pulls out her money) That was fun! Now, let me use these bags of money to buy us some snacks that aren't shoe based.
Mr. Turner: And I'll get more sock monkeys and leave Timmy alone with our nice non-threatening guests.

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner exits. Dark Laser and Crocker jump into action formation. Tootie arrives on a second zipline and lands in front of Crocker and Dark Laser.]

Tootie: I want that kiss!
Mr. Crocker: I want those fairies!
Dark Laser: I want you destroyed Timmy Turner. Isn't that right Flipsie? (pulls out Flipsie and it flips once) Now, if your Dad's sock monkeys could do that, then I'd buy some.

[Timmy takes off. Then, he comes back, grabs his fishbowl, and takes off again. Seconds Later, Timmy dashes in, slams the door, locks it and dashes in another door. Then, a light stick cuts a hole in the wall next to the door. Dark Laser, Crocker, Tootie and the Troopers enter.]

Tootie: You can run Timmy dream boat...
Mr. Crocker: ...but you can't hide!
Dark Laser: Ah Ha! Ha! Ha!
Timmy: (offscreen) I'm in the bathroom.

[They turn to see the sound is coming from the bathroom.]

Mr. Crocker: Oh, the bathroom? Hmmm, we should give him a little privacy.
Dark Laser: You win this round, Turner.
Tootie: But, I'm not leaving the Timmy Suite without that kiss!

[In the bathroom, Timmy sits on the bowl. Cosmo, Wanda and Poof poof in.]

Wanda: Timmy, you can't stay in the bathroom forever.
Cosmo: Believe me, I've tried - your butt get schapped, your feet fall asleep.
Abraham Lincoln: (pops his head out of the shower curtain) I've always found honesty the best policy when dealing with adversity.
Timmy: Yeah, well not me Abe. (jumps off the toilet) And I will stay here until bedtime when everyone's asleep. Then, all I have to do is survive breakfast, and Timmy wins, and psycho guests lose.

[Noises from the street abounds, while the sun goes down over Turner's Residence as the moon comes up. Timmy's room became dark, but a little light shine from the bathroom.]

Timmy: (in the dark) Heh-heh. Now to slip into bed un... (The light comes on, and Tootie, Dark Laser, Crocker and the Dark Troopers have their weapons drawn and he was busted) ...detected. Tootie air smooches (Tootie prepares to kiss Timmy) Hey! What does this button do?

[Timmy hits a button on Dark Laser's chest, but then the chase music plays.]

Dark Laser: That's my groovy 70's house music.
Timmy: It's catchy. I like it. Ahhhhh! (dashes out the door)
Mr. Crocker: Fairies!

[A chase montage through the house ensues. On the hallway, Timmy runs down the stairs, but Dark Laser and the Troopers jump to the bottom. Dark Laser draws his light stick and climbs the stairs. Timmy runs back up the stairs, but Mr. Crocker is coming down. Timmy jumps the railing, then Crocker and Dark Laser collide. Timmy bounces off a chair and runs into the living room. Timmy looks back then turns to see Tootie with lips puckered. Timmy hits the breaks and stops from Tootie's lips. Timmy runs back the other way. Meanwhile, the Godparents as fish and Abe watch and eat popcorn.]

Abraham Lincoln: This is much better than theater.

[On the upstairs through the hallway, Timmy opens a door and runs in. Crocker, Dark Laser and Tootie follow. Timmy dashes out a different door and into another. The trio follows. Timmy runs back into the hall and opens another door. The trio rushes in. Timmy closes the door. He smiles and walks across the hall to the next door and opens it. The trio is there.]

Timmy: AH!

[Timmy runs into Mrs. and Mr. Turner's bedroom, then the door opens, and a battle ensues. Timmy jumps on the bed. Mr. and Mrs. Turner wear sleep masks and sleep on money.]

Timmy: Help! Our guests are trying to destroy me!
Mr. Turner: Good Gracious! Do they want sock monkeys!

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner stayed calm as Dark Troopers blast lasers.]

Mrs. Turner: Do they want to stay an extra night and give me even more moola!?
Timmy: Ahhhh!

[Timmy jumps out the door, then the trio and Troopers followed him. In the hallway, it's really long as Timmy runs through frame looking back, scared. The trio runs through looking scared, too. Suddenly, the Hippie Teen and large dog run through.]

Hippie Teen: Zinkes Doob! Like keep runnin' man!

[Then, the Headless Horseman chases them through frame. Back in the living room, Timmy runs to the front door. He opens it, stops, and steps to the side. The evil trio, the Dark Troopers, the Hippie Teen, the Dog and Headless Horseman run out the front door. Timmy locks the door and dives into a massive pile of sock monkeys and crates. Timmy pops up. POOF! The Godparents arrive.]

Timmy: I can't make it until breakfast! I gotta use magic.
Wanda: But Crocker will be able to track the magic back to us. And catch us!

[Suddenly, a light stick starts cutting a hole in the wall next to the door.]

Cosmo: Save us sock monkeys! Oh wait, they don't do anything. Why don't you flip or have weapons or battle or something!?
Timmy: Wait Crocker can't catch you if he can't find you - and maybe these sock monkeys can do something. Wands up guys. I got wishing to do.

[The hole in the wall falls. Ninja Tootie, Dark Laser, Crocker and the Dark Troopers enter. Crocker's fairy detectors go off and point straight forward.]

Mr. Crocker: My fairy detectors have detected magic, and it's coming from that pile of SOCK MONKEYS!

[The calm pile of monkeys and crates were found by Dark Laser, Crocker, Tootie and the Troopers.]

Dark Laser: We have him now... (Tootie puts on lipstick) Aren't you too young for lipstick?
Tootie: Don't push my buttons, and I won't push yours.
Mr. Crocker: Give up Turner! I have your - (the inactive sock monkeys along with Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof (as sock monkeys) stand up and draw futuristic laser weapons. Then, Cosmo winks to camera.) Sock monkeys! Where are the fairies?! I want fairies??! (the sock monkeys blast and destroy all of Crocker's fairy detectors) And now I want to check out! Gaaah!

[He turns to run - but, more Sock Monkey's land and blast him. Then, Mr. Crocker hops in his Unsuspecting Van and it transforms into a flying jet, then takes off and crashes.]

Mr. Crocker: Darn!

[Back in the living room, Dark Laser and Troopers are blocking the Sock Monkey laser blasts with light sticks. A sock monkey fires a blaster and vaporizes Dark Laser into dust, but his cape falls to the floor.]

Timmy: Whoa - too far.

[Wanda waves her wand. Dark Laser re-materializes. He's totally relieved to be whole again, and he submits to Timmy.]

Dark Laser: Okay, I surrender to your sock monkey army. I'll check out. (presses a suit button and it turns into a Dark Ball gown) Darn wrong button.

[He presses another button, and a space pod forms around Dark Laser and the Troopers. They blast and zoom out the hole in the wall.]

Timmy: Awesome! Two down and one to go... (In the corner, Tootie defeats the last Sock Monkey) Oh, for crying out loud. If I kiss you, will you go home?
Tootie: On the lips?
Timmy: Cheek.
Tootie: But I can tell my friends it was on the lips.
Timmy: Fine!

[Timmy walks over and gives Tootie a kiss on the cheek. Suddenly, dreamy hearts surround her and she floats out the hole in the wall.]

Tootie: 'Night dreamy Timmy.
Wanda: So. Any more wishing, sport?
Timmy: Yeah, I wish I was in bed.

[They POOF! Then, Timmy arrives in his pajamas to his bed.]

Abraham Lincoln: Four snore and seven years ago... (falls asleep next to Timmy)
Timmy: And I wish Abe was back at Gettysburg!

[POOF! Abe is gone! The next morning, the birds are singing.]

Mr. Turner: Oh, Timmy! Breakfast!

[In the kitchen, Mrs. and Mr. Turner are at the table as Timmy enters.

Timmy: Awesome! It's just me, Mom and Dad, and no evil guests!
Mr. Turner: That's right! They all checked out sometime last night!
Timmy: And, where are the sock monkeys?
Mrs. Turner: I used them for fuel to cook our not shoe breakfast! So, enjoy a nice plate of bacon and money, Timmy! (puts a plate of bacon and money in front of Timmy)
Mr. Turner: And with all the fat-cash we made on the bed and breakfast, I can now finance my "new dream business!"

[Later, on a fancy "Turner Family Restaurant" sign, Turner's Residence was now as an eatery restaurant and the lawn has been paved. Inside the dining room, Timmy as a waiter, arrives to take an order.]

Timmy: (not-enthused) Welcome to Turner's Family Restaurant. Can I take your order?

[On the three guests, they revealed to be Vicky, Francis and the Headless Horseman.]

Vicky: We'll take the fried twerp - TO GO!

[Vicky holds up her knife and fork, Francis holds up a chainsaw, and the Headless Horseman holds up his flaming head.]

Timmy: (mutters) Yeah, that figures.

[The scene iris out.]