"I go through life, minding my own business! I brush my teeth and do a good turn daily! Why should I be tortured!?? Do such things happen to Hitler? To Hirohito? They don't even happen to a dog!!! Then why do they happen to me???" 
- — Green Lantern
Green Lantern #13 is an issue of the series Green Lantern (Volume 1) with a cover date of September, 1944.
Synopsis for "Only Green Lantern Need Apply!"
Alan Scott comes across an ad asking for Green Lantern's help, and since whoever wants to meet with him put a personal in every single paper just to get his attention, he decides to oblige. However there's a veritable army of fake Green Lanterns outside the explorer's museum where the meeting's due to take place, complete with fake light-up rings. They clear out fast when animals and cavemen from the exhibit come to life and go on a rampage. These attackers were just men in costume, and it was a charade to make sure only the true Green Lantern heard their story. Which is, they explain, about how the explorer Simon Ghent chanced upon a druid sacrificial ritual at Stonehenge, and in trying to save the maiden about to sacrificed, gained the mystical power to heal any malady with a touch. Ghent's been kidnapped and the other explorers want Green Lantern's help in rescuing him, with the boon to mankind his healing touch would be.
When Green Lantern helps them breach the defenses of the chapel where Ghent's being confined, the party suddenly turns on him and Doiby, pistol-whipping them from behind. Doiby finds this bizarre, with how Green Lantern's indestructible except for wood. As soon as they're gone it turns out the hero was only faking, not having believed the explorers' cock-and-bull story, and wanted to see what they were really up to. He recognizes another prisoner, May Leeds, as the key witness in a major upcoming trial, and the "explorers" are really members of the syndicate on trial who plan to frame Green Lantern and Doiby for her death. He easily frees them and then chases down and arrests the phony explorers.
Appearing in "Only Green Lantern Need Apply!"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
Antagonists:
- The Krupp Diamond Syndicate
- Hunting Cheetahs
Other Characters:
- May Leeds
Locations:
- Gotham City
- An Abandoned Country Cemetery
- Talking Chapel
- An Abandoned Country Cemetery
Items:
- Dynamite
Vehicles:
Synopsis for "The Lord Haw-Haw of Crime"
Alan Scott's smitten with Dinah Mite, the sound effects lady on a popular crimebuster radio drama. He's not the only one, as Doiby's also infatuated with Dinah. However they soon have bigger problems, as the police inform Alan that a "Lord Haw-Haw of Crime" has been broadcasting secret instructions to criminals on the station's wavelength. Not long after, thugs attack Doiby and Alan (who slips away to change into his costume and charge his ring), to keep Doiby from revealing something he knows that threatens their plans. Dinah gets dragged along on their adventure, and when the crooks look like they're about overwhelm the heroic duo, she improvises sound effects to make them think they've been caught in the middle of a raid. Ultimately "Lord Haw-Haw" is unmasked as Handy Mann, a disc jockey at Alan Scott's station. What the crooks were trying to keep Doiby from revealing was that he and Handy belong to the same glee club, and since Handy was wearing a scarf to hide the miniature microphone he used to transmit his instructions, pretending it was to cover his scars from throat surgery. However, as Green Lantern points out, someone who'd had throat surgery couldn't sing, and he was determined to silence Doiby to maintain his alibi. Dinah finally makes her choice out of all her suitors: Green Lantern. Much to his dismay, it's because she thinks with all the help he got from Doiby, he can't look after himself.
Appearing in "The Lord Haw-Haw of Crime"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
Antagonists:
- gangsters
- Lord Haw-Haw of Crime (Handy Mann)
Other Characters:
- Dinah Mite
- Thug-Busters actors
- Marta
- Her husband
- cops
- Lord Haw-Haw (Mentioned only)
Locations:
- WMCG Radio Station
Items:
Vehicles:
Synopsis for "Da Tantrim of Green Lantrin!"
Alan and Doiby plan a vacation to get away from their troubles, but are approached by a beautiful blonde, Angela von Enters, who asks them to help raise 1K for charity. The besotted Doiby immediately agrees to help, but Alan as Green Lantern quickly comes to regret his friend's promise of their help. Angel goes right up to gangsters on the street and asks how big of a reward they're worth, stops pursuing her quest for the thousand dollars to shop, and can't remember which color's in the hero's name, much to Green Lantern's mounting frustration. Green Lantern eventually captures the crooks and brings Angela safely home, seemingly empty-handed, until it turns out Doiby won the thousand dollars Angela was after by winning a poetry contest. The hero faints from exasperation, and ironically a doctor proscribes nothing but work and excitement for him as Alan Scott.
Appearing in "Da Tantrim of Green Lantrin!"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
- Doiby Dickles
- Angela Van Enters
Antagonists:
- Thugs
Other Characters:
- Mr. Van Enters
Locations:
Items:
Vehicles:
Notes
- Published by Jolaine Publications, Inc.
- Also appearing in this issue of Green Lantern Quarterly was:
- Mutt & Jeff (newspaper strip reprints) by Al Smith
- Two alternate titles for the second story are given: "Robbery Rides the Radio Waves" and "Dinah Mite Dynamites the Duo".
Trivia
- "Lord Haw-Haw" was the moniker of a British collaborator, William Joyce, who worked with the Nazis to spread Nazi propaganda (which was also a crime.) The real Lord Haw-Haw was executed for treason. An American equivalent, Lord Hee-Haw, was captured in Germany after the war and arrested by the Red Army.
- This is unknown if WMCG might be some embryo to WXYZ Radio. Alan Scott seems to work as program director there. Originally, Alan worked at Apex Broadcasting Company.
See Also
Links and References
