Joker (Prime Earth)/Quotes

Don't you see, buddy-old-pal? You said I needed a friend. You were so good to offer yourself up.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Because at the end of the day what people are afraid of is the nothing of it, Bruce. The randomness. The empty center. Stare into it and try to find meaning. You'll go mad. All you can do is fear, and survive. It's the truth. That's what this gang is--you see, Bruce? I came up with the idea for it in the wake of your parents' death. In that wonderful moment--that true moment, right after. See? We wear the red hood to court the wolf, rather than hide. Eat us, we say. Eat us all.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

'

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Nobody has faith in anything anymore. And why should they? It didn't stop a few clowns from flying a Batplane through their window.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Well, that hurts. If you truly look, Batgirl... you'll see I'm the only man in the world capable of showing love.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Anyhow, She-Bat... you just might get naughty and try to do the old midnight divorce on me, right? So I decided to help myself to your arms and legs, Sweety-Boo. Call it the best pre-nup ever.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

A lion doesn't pass judgement on a gazelle. Cancer doesn't pass judgement on a brain. I've been saying this all along. Evil doesn't exist. There are only actions. We got to the same place--the top of the food chain--just on different paths. Mine was more fun.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Trauma is a weapon. One bad day can twist a person into an unspeakable monster, I know that better than anyone.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

You think you have a contingency plan for everything, huh?

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Do to him? Well... you could marry him. But of course, he'd start lying around too much, eating pizza, watching tv, all that snuggling at night. He'd become a soft blob.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Let's try some new material.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

See, that's the thing, it's always business with us, lately. Business, business, business. So this time, I took care of all that early, so we can relax and have ourselves a nice chat. Face to face... to face (hee-hee).

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Sit down, and you'll find out. Fight your destiny... you'll never find a single trace of any of them, ever. You'll grow old wondering what happened to them. What I did to each one... Now SIT YOUR #%^ DOWN!''

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Because we have an understanding. I'll bet you've said it to them these past few days, haven't you? "You don't understand him." Sure you have, because the ugly truth of it is, Batsss *sigh* is that you love me more than them.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

I taught him how not to feel sorry. How not to get caught up in feelings. I taught him that with guilt comes weakness.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Hello, Bruce.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

And the Lord said unto John: "Come forth and you shall have eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Please. Kneel with me, Batman. Pray with me, Batman. Do it. Or I'll blow my damn head off.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Beep. Beep.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Oh, Batman. This part of the plan, it wasn't about breaking you. That's what comes next. I've got a whole war planned for you. This was about breaking her, while I get everything I need to break you.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Killing you is easy. It won't hurt you enough. But making everyone in Gotham City relive your childhood trauma? Now that's what I call fun! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

It's time for the Bat King to destroy all the vampires in his life. You've sucked the marrow from his broken bones long enough.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

We do what we always do. We make a better Joker.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Let's try some new material.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Upset? I'm going to the wedding of the year! It'll be me, the bride, the groom, all of us so happy! Oh I'm so happy! And when I'm happy... I kill people.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

This is a mystery that stretches back to the dawn of time. It's bigger than all of us. And it sure as hell is bigger than you. You don't understand. All that was just a cruel joke. You're just another couple of pieces in Batman's puzzle. Just like me.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

C'mon, grumpity dumpty... there's still so much to do before a crisis of craziness crashes the party!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Heh, heh. Harvey may have been an early draft... but looks like I've now got myself a new recruit.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

This is a violation of my civil rights! A man should be able to slaughter in peace!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Dr. Manhattan? Who's that? I could use a good dentist. It hurts when I smile.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

So, my tender little morselette... How are things?

--Joker (Prime Earth)

I have something for you...in my pants.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

And yet here you are...alone and strapped to a table like a lab experiment. The place is for lost souls, not rehabilitation. No one leaves here, no one gets "cured," no one passes Go and collects their $200. We are here to be tucked away from society till the day we die or kill each other. To rot with the other trash and forgotten souls that inhabit this godforsaken place.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

You came to me and told me you wanted art. Well this was going to be my masterpiece. Made just for you. That was my plan... my perfect, beautiful plan. And it's nothing compared to what The Batman Who Laughs is going to do to you.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Hatter, is that an analogy I've used before? I hate repeating myself.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

You know, this last year's been a real snooze to watch, Bat-Fake. I mean, you coming back here, desperate to prove yourself... being all serious... Yawn!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

The invitation did say it was a surprise party. And what kind of host would I be... if I didn't have a little something extra for the worst of the bat-fakes? The one that makes my Batman the weakest.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Where can I find the little night birdie? Heh heh.'

--Joker (Prime Earth)

What happened to your sense of humor, Son? You and I - we were quite a team in our day, weren't we? I'd write the material. You'd read your lines. But you had to go and improvise the big finale, didn't you?

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Yes, but is there something on your face, Harley? There it is. Here, let me get it off. *WHACK* Got it! I think it was a small touch of hubris. But it's gone now.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Because once I didn't care about the rules anymore, I had all the power. We all have it inside of us. We just got to let it out. And I can show you how...

--Joker (Prime Earth)

You're a villain, remember? Time to nasty up and act like one.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

How best to hurt you? By making your pimple patrol the very cause of your agita.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

The only way you'll beat him... is to become him. Heh.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Get a load of you! Did someone order duck soup?

--Joker (Prime Earth)

You get to fulfill the ultimate sidekick fantasy!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Smash that subscribe button, Lincoln!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!. Now that's funny!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

And if you die, make sure you kill him first.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

I want you men to put the word out. I'm hiring. I need everyone we can get.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

No matter what I'm going through, she will always be a comfort. She is my home away from home.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

... a few weeks ago somebody gassed Arkham Asylum, and blew up the place up. But you see... that's the darnedst thing, Jim. I didn't. Someone just wanted everyone to think I did.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Who will keep your kids safe from people like me?!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Oh, absolutely. I think I'm $%@#%$@ great.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

I have my moments.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

What kind of sick mind pretends to be someone he's not?

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Oh me, oh my! The things people just throw away these days!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Give Roman my love, my love!

--Joker (Prime Earth)

The other one is fake. You'll see. You'll all see.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

What is a Batman without a Joker?

--Joker (Prime Earth)

Do you get it?

--Joker (Prime Earth)

I made him.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

So, if you're one of those people who can't stand the anticipation and needs everything to wrap up nicely, allow me to explain what just happened and what this whole thing was really about...

--Joker (Prime Earth)

I'm so scared about what we're going to do.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

You've only shown him to me twice before...

--Joker (Prime Earth)

The Joker. Superman's pal.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

The Grand Prize. You won, my boy. Go on. Take it.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

You know, my new friend, Punchline... she might just be the funniest gal I've ever met in my life. She knows this trick with a rusty saw that really puts the boys in stitches. If they survive of course.

--Joker (Prime Earth)

A lion doesn't pass judgement on a gazelle. Cancer doesn't pass judgement on a brain. I've been saying this all along. Evil doesn't exist. There are only actions. We got to the same place--the top of the food chain--just on different paths. Mine was more fun.

--Joker (Prime Earth)