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Janet Planet (2023)
Unfulfilled Potential
This isn't a terrible movie, but is lacking in originality. I think that, given time, director Annie Baker will find her own voice instead of trying to be Greta Gerwig. If she works with Zoe Ziegler again, she'll hopefully stop trying to turn her into the new young Saoirse Ronan, too, and let Zoe act in her own way, as I suspect she can.
The basic plot here has been done, in various ways, in many, many far better movies. Baker tried to stuff too much in here, too. The subplot, if you can call it that, about the mother was incomplete and distracted from what the young girl was going through as she was dealing with the changes she was experiencing. Sure, the relation between the mother and daughter was integral to the film, but seemed incomplete, never resolved. It was never really examined in the depth it could have been. That might have been due to the slow pace of the movie. Too little happened over too much time.
The men in the movie were never really fleshed out, either. Most obvious was "Wayne", who was sort of a good guy, but at the same time, not. We never really got to know anything about him, other than he had a nice daughter.
By sheer coincidence I just saw "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." a couple of days before I saw "Janet Planet". One could argue they are wildly different movies, but at the same time, they do cover similar topics. "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." is far better, more entertaining, and more realistic. It's fun. "Janet Planet" is dull in comparison.
But the biggest and most obvious comparison that jumps out at you as you watch "Janet Planet" would be between it and "Lady Bird". They are much more similar films than the one I mentioned above. And "Lady Bird" is much, much better.
As I said, this isn't a terrible film. I look forward to seeing what Baker can do in the future. I'm sure she has a much better film in her.
As an aside, the best song in the movie was "Miracle Man" by Bob Carpenter. Too bad it was associated with the "Wayne" character.
8-Bit Christmas (2021)
Swing and a Miss
As so many others have pointed out here, this was basically a kind of remake of the 1983 movie "A Christmas Story". It isn't a bad movie, but it's not one that is likely to become a Christmas tradition for people to watch, like "A Christmas Story" is. Jean Shepherd wrote the story the movie is based on, and co-wrote the screenplay for "A Christmas Story". His comedic touch is unique, and can't be replicated. There are some funny and touching moments here, but anyone who has seen "A Christmas Story" will see the same basic characters, just in a more modern setting, even if it is set in 1988. People who haven't seen the original movie will probably like this more than those who have seen "A Christmas Story".
As an aside, I'd recommend that people find the written works of Jean Shepherd. They are hilarious, though they are set in a different era. That doesn't matter; good writing transcends time and place.
Nightmare in the Desert (2024)
Mercifully Short
This movie clocks in at just over 1 hour, which is a blessing. I would guess this was a student film if it weren't for the somewhat half-decent production values. The actors seem like beginners from some acting school.
Especially bad are the lead actress and the park ranger. Neither come across as authentic. They are both obviously "Acting!". And awkwardly, at that. I can't remember when I last saw acting this bad. They were just reading lines, with no emotion behind them. It actually made me feel bad for the actors, since this will be forever in their credits.
The"third reviewer" here who gave this a bad review (which seems to have disappeared) was right - the 10 star reviews had to come from people involved in the project. No one could possibly find the characters believable. Or the plot, which was predictable. There was no suspense at all. For example when the lead actress looked over the cliff, we all knew what she was going to see. The whole movie was like that.
What is surprising is that the director has some credibility. Why he took this job is a mystery. It must have been for some quick bucks, considering how short the movie is, which means it didn't take long to make.
Secrets on Maple Street: A Family Nightmare: Secrets on Maple Street (2024)
Wisteria Lane Comes To Lifetime
Only without the tongue-in-cheek humor of "Desperate Housewives". Well, maybe a little at the end of this episode. Otherwise, this is just typical Lifetime stuff. Meaning, people doing illogical things, and an ending that leaves a lot unresolved.
It looks like there are going to be at least 3 (as I write this) "Secrets on Maple Street" movies, with some of the same characters and cast in them. That makes the series somewhat interesting. But the two movies shown so far have the same paint-by-numbers plots of all typical Lifetime movies.
Watch these with suspension of disbelief in full force, and don't expect logic or well-written scripts. Otherwise the gaping plot holes will become too apparent. The popcorn you eat as you watch this, and the other movies in the series, has more substance, and will stick with you longer.
Maverick: Pappy (1959)
Great Episode
I used to love this show when I was a kid, and I've started watching it again on the H&I channel. I prefer the ones featuring James Garner as Bret, not the ones with Bart (sorry, Jack Kelly). Though the episodes with both brothers are among the best, as they spar with each other and concoct schemes together.
The closing credits of this episode show Beau Maverick as being played by "?". I thought that was clever, even though it was obvious that James Garner was playing his own father. Then, later in the episode, Bret pretends to be Beau. Even more clever. Also, Uncle Bentley is listed in the credits as being played by "himself".
Going off-topic just a bit, what amazes me about "Maverick" and the other Warner Brothers westerns of the 50s and 60s is the sheer scope of them. I've seen episodes of "Maverick" where there are literally hundreds of extras in some scenes in dance halls and large bars. Today's shows are obviously more technically advanced, but I doubt if they could afford that kind of scale for a weekly series. Warner Brothers must have had its own very large stable (no pun intended) of extras, costumes, horses, wagons, stagecoaches, town sets, etc. They could use for these shows. It's something to be aware of as you watch those old TV westerns.
The Bad Orphan (2024)
Obvious Rip-off of the Two "Orphan" Movies
I wasn't the first, and I'm sure I won't be the last, person here to point out that this is a watered-down version of the two "Orphan" movies starring Isabelle Fuhrman. The similarities are obvious from the very beginning, which ruined the movie for me.
I can usually suspend disbelief with movies, especially the formulaic Lifetime ones. But I could not here. "Gabby" was just too clearly not a young girl, and the connection to the "Orphan" feature films could not be ignored.
Worse, what happens to the mother toward the end of the movie was over the top. It also telegraphed what was going to happen at the end of the movie. Too predictable.
If anyone hasn't seen "Orphan" or its prequel "Orphan: First Kill", find them and watch them. They are so much better than this diluted version.
Blood, Sweat and Cheer (2023)
Should Have Been a Comedy
When this movie started I thought, "Oh, good; a comedy that is going to make fun of the whole "Cheerleader" TVM genre". Certainly the mom posing as a high school girl played it that way, at least at first. But then it devolved into the typical formulaic movie MarVista is known for. Nothing about the movie was even slightly believable. That would have been fine if they had played it that way and gone for a campy comedy. But no. You have the usual plot elements all these movies have, culminating in the usual quick ending with no follow up.
If you read the 10 star reviews here and expect some good campy fun, you are going to be very disappointed.
Sugar (2022)
Language, Language!
I'm being factitious if it sounds like I an objecting to the language used in the film. This is obviously a made-for-TV movie, and not a feature film. IMDB says the Countries of Origin are Canada and Mexico, but the languages are English and German. Weird. IMDB also says it was filmed in Canada. I can only guess TV standards are different in Canada, as there is extensive use of foul language in the movie. Those words are skipped in the LMN version of the movie, both in the spoken word and the subtitles. But they are obvious in the context of the dialogue and in lip-reading the characters' words. I can't say for sure they would be allowed on Canadian TV, and if not, I wonder if a theatrical release was considered for the movie. I hope not; it would have been a complete flop.
The ending, which others have mentioned here, seemed incomplete, as if final scenes were missing to explain what happened, why, and what happened to the real bad guys. . But then, that was true throughout the film. Many subplots were left unanswered, and much of the action was haphazard and did not flow well, as if it were edited poorly. A better ending would have made the film somewhat bearable. As it was, if was bad even by Lifetime standards, even though it wasn't a Lifetime-produced movie. I know Razzies aren't awarded to TV movies, but if there were a category for them, this would have been a winner (so to speak).
Midsommar (2019)
Silly
This movie started out with some promise, then devolved into the silliest plot I've seen in a long time. I'm not sure how the actors could keep a straight face as they went through the motions (literally) that the script demanded. Over and over again.
The idea of a cult with seasonal rituals could be open to many interesting aspects, whether they be horror or drama. But this one just got more ridiculous as it went along. I mean, the scene in the garden at the end was pointless, and didn't flow in any way with the rest of the action, such as it was. It made no sense at all. That's just one example of how the movie was all over the place as it tried to find a way to be scary, I guess Even before that I was laughing at what was happening, as it was just so disjointed, repetitive, and predictable.
At two and a half hours it was too long, also. Painfully so. I stuck it out to the end, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. This would be good for one thing. That is for Mystery Science Theater 3000 to mock. Too bad MST went off the air before this movie was made; it would have been perfect for them.
I have to question the tastes of people who gave this mess good ratings. What were they thinking? Did they enjoy seeing most of the supporting cast do the same things over and over again, taking up time that was unnecessary? Did they not see the end coming within the first half hour?
My Life as a Rolling Stone (2022)
Well Worth It
Some (but not all) of the criticisms of this 4-part documentary are valid. But at the same time, there is only so much that can be covered in four one-hour segments of each of the members of the band that were with it the longest.
Overall, this is well worth watching for any Stones fan. I think some people were expecting the members to fit their marketing stereotypes, and were disappointed that they did not.
Surprisingly, I found the segment on Charlie Watts to be the most interesting.
So, for Stones fans, ignore the bad ratings here and watch this. You'll likely learn stuff you never knew about one of the, if not the, best rock and roll bands of all time.
Ginger & Rosa (2012)
Self-Indulgent and Boring
Watching this film reminded me of what Gene Hackman's character in "Night Moves" said at one point: "I saw a Rohmer film once. It was kind of like watching paint dry." That pretty much describes the pain of sitting through this movie, which seemed agonizingly long, even though it was only 90 minutes long.
Yes, we get the connection between Ginger's obsession with nuclear war and what she is going through in her personal life. Can we have something more? No? That's it? That one theme is dragged out for 90 minutes? And not even very well, at that.
The only reason to give this movie a reasonably good rating is the superb performance by Elle Fanning. She shows she is an excellent actor, able to show a range of emotions effortlessly and naturally. The rest of the cast, with the exception of Christina Hendricks, were sleepwalking through their roles, playing stereotypes, and dully so.
Fans of Elle Fanning, like me, will enjoy watching her in this movie. Other that, the thin, predictable plot will leave you empty.
Amsterdam (2022)
Box Office Flop?
I didn't know that until I saw that HBO was running the film. It struck me that it was on cable very soon after being released, and I guessed that it must not have done well in theaters.
I can see why, too. It seemed the film couldn't make up its mind if it wanted to be a comedy or a drama, and it pretty much failed at both. The characters were a bit underdeveloped and at the same time overly eccentric, too. The plot didn't seem to be revealed in an orderly manner, either, leaving viewers confused, which makes them lose interest.
The only thing I found interesting was that it seemed Christian Bale was imitating the Peter Falk "Columbo" character. He is a great actor, capable of playing utterly different characters. That's great, but he wasn't able to carry this film. Ultimately, it was an unsatisfying and forgettable film. Too bad; it seemed to have potential that it didn't live up to.
Sidney Hall (2017)
A Movie For People Who Don't Watch Movies
I mean, really, how could anyone who has watched many movies think this was good? It is pretentious, trying to be all full of meaning when really it is just a one-note film, dragged out over a too-long running time. We get it, Our Hero is a Tortured Soul. Now what? Uh, nothing.
For a movie to interest me I have to care about some of the characters, especially the main ones. I cared about no one in this film, especially not the main character. His anguished journey bored me. Been there, seen that. There was nothing original about it.
The cliches piled up here to the point where I almost gave up, almost unwilling to see it through to the end. But I did, just to see that one last cliche. Yep, there it was.
Life is too short to waste on bad movies. If you get the chance to see this one, don't.
The Anarchists (2022)
First Impressions
Only one episode in, so I don't know where this is going. But I will say that it is easy to be an anarchist when you are independently wealthy, as the main characters in the first episode are.
So I'm not impressed. I'm even less impressed with their cherry-picking and/or misunderstanding of Ayn Rand's philosophy.
I will stick with it though, to see where this goes. I suspect the naive innocence we see in the first episode will fade. We'll see.
Oh, and for paul-aller: the word is "whet".
Doctor Who: The Girl in the Fireplace (2006)
"The Time Traveler's Wife"
I enjoyed this episode of Doctor Who very much when it first came out. Recently I had to revisit it, because I read that Steven Moffat wrote this as an homage to the book "The Time Traveler's Wife", which he liked very much.
The same theme is continued by Moffat later when he became the showrunner for "Doctor Who", with the character River Song. Her life pretty much parallels that of the wife in the novel.
The book's author had no problem with this. In fact in her second novel she has a character who watches this exact episode of "Doctor Who".
Here is what Moffat says about this:
"It's very similar in mood if not in detail. It's about a time-lapse relationship, and I did it quite consciously - knowing I was doing The Time Traveler's Wife. In my time on Doctor Who, I was more interested in the time travel aspect than most people probably are - I loved time conundrums and paradoxes. [...] She has a character in the book actually watching The Girl in the Fireplace on television, so I knew she was onto me. At which point I could be more obvious, so I made Doctor Who a wife - River Song."
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Great Flight Sequences, Cliche-Ridden Plot
I don't share everyone's unbridled enthusiasm for this film. It is indeed a great popcorn flick, with outstanding aerial photography and maneuvers. But 10 stars? There are few, if any, movies that are perfect, and deserve that kind of rating.
The problem with the film is the plot. It is so filled with age-worn cliches that one could easily tell what was coming from beginning to end. I mean, you had to know who was going to save the day at the end, and you had to know what was going to happen when Maverick jumped out of Penny's window. Those are just two examples of the many obvious plot points that you could see coming a mile away. I could list them all, but it would take up too much space here. Basically the entire plot was entirely predictable.
The opening scene, especially, was straight out of Hollywood Screenplay Writing 101. I mean, seriously, how many times have we seen that subplot? Countless.
There were no characters in the movie, either. They were all caricatures, stereotypes. No depth to any of them. They had their standard roles to play, and that was it.
Did I enjoy the film? Sure, it was fun. Especially on a big theater screen with a loud sound system. Did I take anything away from the film? Did it make me think about anything after it was over? Nah. Will I see it again? Nah.
I will give Tom Cruise credit for including Val Kilmer in the cast. Considering his health problems, that was a nice touch.
So, yeah, enjoy the film. Sit back with your bag of popcorn and enjoy the g-forces. But don't pretend it is anything other than just another summer blockbuster.
Redeeming Love (2022)
An Odd Mixture of Themes
This film can't seem to make up its mind about what type of movie it wants to be. Is it a Christian movie? Yeah, kind of. Is it a cheesy romance? Yeah, kind of. Is it a story about sex trafficking and abuse? Yeah, kind of. It's all of those things, but they don't really gel into a cohesive unit.
In spite of the rave reviews here from some people, I don't think this movie will gain much of an audience. I guess it didn't have much of a theatrical run, and that is understandable. It is too long, for one thing. The "love at first sight" theme doesn't really make sense; that threw me out of the film right there. If I can't buy into one of the basic plot points of a movie, I have trouble staying within the realm of the movie.
The excessive violence will drive some people away, too. That doesn't serve either the Christian theme or the romance theme. It does work for the sex abuse part, but that isn't all the movie is about, so it seems a bit out of place. There is a fight scene at one point that feels unrealistic, too, and that didn't help.
There is more I could criticize, but I don't want to go on too long here. The only reason I gave this movie the relatively high rating I did was because of some of the acting. Abigail Cowen was convincing in her role as the victim of life-long abuse that caused her to withdraw into herself and distrust everyone. Logan Marshall-Green brought nuance to his role as Paul. Eric Dane and Famke Janssen played their roles as the bad guys very well. On the other hand, Livi Birch was bland as the young Sarah/Angel, and Tom Lewis was no more than adequate as the ever-forgiving and ever-loving hero.
This isn't a bad movie by any means. But it also isn't one that will stick with you long after you watch it. The mix of different themes just didn't work here, and that is a problem.
The Time Traveler's Wife (2022)
Steven Moffat Time Travels Again!
I'm a tough critic for TV shows, but I am hooked on this series. The writing is what grabs me the most. I don't know how much of it comes directly from the book, but the writing is just so clever I have to laugh at it at times. Not because it is intentionally funny, but because it is so smart and enhances the story lines so well. I record the show on my DVR, and there are times when I replay scenes because the dialog is so good I want to enjoy it again.
The chemistry between the two lead characters couldn't be better, either. They are perfect together. Their bickering romance could have been rom-com bad, but they make it work beautifully. Great casting.
I had to do a double-take when I saw Steven Moffat's name attached to the show. He was, in my opinion, the best showrunner and writer who ever worked on "Doctor Who". I guess he has a thing for time travel! And I'm glad; he's done outstanding work on both "Doctor Who" and this new "The Time Traveler's Wife" series. Thank you, Steven, for proving us with more great entertainment!
Revenge Best Served Chilled (2022)
"House of the Rising Sun"?!?
Virtually every Lifetime movie includes scenes with women drinking wine. It's to the point where I sometimes wonder if some wine industry group is helping finance these movies so they include such scenes, just to promote wine. So why not an entire movie centered around wine?
It seems like a good idea, but the movie ended up like so many other Lifetime movies. That is to say, poorly executed with a quick ending that wraps everything up in an illogical package. Plus, anyone who didn't see the "mother who died in a car accident" subplot ending the way it did should be ashamed, if they have seen any other Lifetime movies. That was telegraphed early on, as soon as we found out she attended the same wine academy as our heroine does.
But the most inexplicable part of the movie was the use of the song "House of the Rising Sun" at the end. Considering what the song is about, it made absolutely no sense using it in the movie. Even if you don't know what the song is about, the lyrics did not fit anything remotely connected to the plot of the movie. That was just downright weird.
Antlers (2021)
I Expected More
I expected more from a movie with the name "Guillermo del Toro " attached to it. I know he was only one of a number of producers, and not the writer or director, but I still expected more.
Instead this is a purely stereotypical horror film. A Native American myth come to life because of how the land is being destroyed by modern civilization. Nope, nothing original there. Then the monster goes around killing random people, as if that is somehow going to fix things. Okay, sure.
Worse, the movie is paced so slowly it drags, even with the relatively short run time. I guess that was supposed to be atmospheric, but instead it just became boring as the movie went on. The back story of the female lead was given so little time it seemed like it was just thrown in there to fill some time, since it really added very little to the flow of the plot.
And the very last scene? Done so many times it has become expected.
Don't bother with this one. You've seen it before.
Deadly Cheers (2022)
Worst Lifetime Movie Ever
OK, I've come to expect little from these movies. Formulaic, predictable, plot holes galore, and with endings that wrap things up way too easily, leaving plots lines unresolved, all after the last commercial break. Paint-by-numbers, as it were. Even the titles are reusable: "Deadly (something)", "Killer (something)", "Psycho (something)", and of course, "The Wrong (something)", just to name a few.
But this was just jaw-dropping bad. The plot made no sense at all, and it got more convoluted and illogical as it went along. I'm used to maniacal bad guys in these movies, too, and they are often fun to watch as you wait for their ultimate defeat. The ones in this movie are too over the top (which is saying a lot for these movies), as they overact and behave in ways that make no sense whatsoever.
Most of these movies are somewhat fun to watch, not to be taken seriously. Even some of the presenters that once in a while talk about the movies kind of make fun of them, obviously telling the audience not to take them seriously. Unfortunately, you don't have the opportunity to have tongue-in-cheek fun with this one. It is so bad that all you can do is cringe.
I know Lifetime and the production companies it uses pump out about 100 or more movies a year, so you can't expect great production values or writing, but this one should never have been made. It would not have been missed.
As an aside, I wonder why there are so many cheerleader movies made for Lifetime and LMN? I wouldn't think they would fit the Lifetime audience demographic, but they must, since more are made all the time.
Masquerade (2021)
Weak
This was the longest 80 minute film I've ever seen. The majority of the film is summed up in, "Where is she?".
Some reviewers here brag that they (and only they) understood the big reveal at the end. Sorry, but you aren't that special. And you also missed the hole in that twist that you could drive a truck through.
By the time one gets to the end and sees the twist ending, it's hard to care. If you are feeling masochistic, you could watch the movie again to "get" the twist. But is it worth it? No.
Rust Never Sleeps (1979)
Second Best Rock Movie Ever Made
The best is Martin Scorcese's "The Last Waltz". But this is a very close second. Great music throughout.
No fan of Neil Young should ever miss this film.
Meteor Apocalypse (2010)
Faith Films?
This film is terrible in so many ways. Poorly acted, horrible direction, a plot line where the characters do ridiculous things.
But all that has been covered in other reviews here. What mystifies me is that this was released by a company called "Faith Films", with the DVD cover quoting Revelations, talking about a biblical prophecy and the End Times. None of that is mentioned in the film! There is one brief mention of going to church early in the movie, and later there is a pastor that helps some people. Those are not strong plot points, not highlighted or emphasized in any way. So what does "faith" have to do with this silly disaster movie? Nothing.
I tried to go to the Faith Films web site, and my anti-virus software blocked it, saying it may contain scam material. That could be a false blockage, but it kind of fits, considering the film really has nothing to do with Christianity, in spite of the DVD cover indicating otherwise. I guess that is a scam, too.
Anyway, the film is only worth watching if you want to mock how bad it is. For example, when the main character ends up in the desert for no particular reason. What?
The Art of Racing in the Rain (2019)
Way, Way Overrated
Overall the critics gave this movie bad reviews, and audiences loved it. In one of the rare cases for me, I have to agree with the critics. This was just so sappy and predictable it made me groan as it worked hard to jerk every tear out of my body. There was just nothing original here, just the usual heartwarming followed by tragedy followed by heartwarming again. The ending, especially, was straight out of cliche central.
I enjoyed "A Dog's Purpose" and "A Dog's Journey" and, while they are similar to this movie, I think the writing and acting is better in those two movies. Skip this one, watch those.