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My Personal ANIME FOR WESTERNERS WHO HATE ANIME
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Speak No Evil (2024)
We have "Funny Games" at home, the MOVIE.
Have you heard of the super messed up movie, FUNNY GAMES? This is the dollar store, Blum House version of it. With that said, McAvoy STEALS THE SHOW. If he wasn't in it, this movie would be way more insufferable.
This movie feels like watching Dora the Explorer as an adult baked out of your mind. "IT'S RIGHT THERE, JUST TURN YOUR HEAD 90 DEGREES AND YOU'LL SEE WHERE SWIPER IS. GOD, YOU'RE 8 YEARS OLD!!!" It's a movie about things not appearing as they seem and having the most spineless man ever in the movie remain spineless and never really having much of a redemption arc.
Plot: Couple are on vacation in ITALY? SPAIN? Mainland Europe since they live in the UK, both Americans in the UK. And meet a family from Scotland, and become friends through very awkward circumstances. This is one of those movies. The whole gimmick is to make you feel uncomfortable through cringe. And it works, for the first 100th gimmicks, and gets really annoying and one note after the thousandth example of things getting a little sideways and wacky in a not so fun or christian way. UH OH...
The premise is cool and totally not at all similar to FUNNY GAMES. Ironic, since this movie is based on a Danish movie with the exact same name. Like how Funny Games was a german movie first. Though, I don't think the Danish or Dutch team worked on the American version. Where the German creator of Funny Games did both versions, European and American. There are things that happen in this movie that makes me want to seek out the original European version, since apparently it's spoken in English and not their native language. WEIRDLY ENOUGH... So would be interesting see how that movie goes, since the ending seems super dumbed down and sloppy for American Audiences and Blum House fans.
I don't recommend this movie, too many annoying and dumb choices and a lot of contrived conveniences, that it just gets boring and frustrating at the end.
Oddity (2024)
Really enjoyed it
WARNING, THIS IS A SLOW BURN MOVIE. It reminds me of the Apple TV series Severance, another slow burn. Only near like the middle did I start to get annoyed and tired at the gimmick then literally like 1 minute later it pays off.
This isn't a blumhouse movie, It's a THINKER, it's A24, arthouse, but not at its most pretentious like a Midsommar, that overrated garbage.
PLOT: Wife gets visited by a patient who was released from the insane asylum in the UK, and the visitor warns her that someone hid in the backseat of her car, entered the house behind her, and is looking to kill her.
Pros:
-This is like Hereditary, which I think is also A24, it's a more "GOTHIC HORROR" horror film. So, if you're not in for an ATMOSPHERE of spookiness, then this ain't for you. There are like two legit jumpscares,ironically back to back. And then one later on, that I don't know if it would qualify as such, since it's so telegraphed and doesn't seem like it was intended to be a jump scare.
-Acting is very good for the most part.
-Story is good as well. It's a paranormal movie that's more grounded in "reality" save for the end bit... lol.... BUT for the most part, until the end, you're like; "OH, okay, this seems plausible, like people believe in this stuff, and maybe there are people with 'the gift' of extra sight."
Cons:
-This is a lot like Hereditary, in that the whole crux of the movie gets undone by one MASSIVE OVERSIGHT. With Hereditary, it was a nut allergy. Really, you don't as a parent or old enough child, know to constantly have an epi pen on you at all times? This one centers around the twin who is blind but psychic, ER MAH GAWD DO YOU GET IT, she gained extra sight after losing her sight. SO CLEVER... anyways, that ON THE NOSE metaphor isn't the culprit. What is the common stereotype, if you will, we're told about with people who loses a sense like sight and hearing? RIGHT, the other senses become heightened. YET, there are times in this film where the blind woman should have easily heard a lot of things happening that would quicken this movie up quite a bit.
A great example of this moment that doesn't get at all into spoilers. Blind TWIN sister, invites herself to her dead sister's house, where she catches the husband and his new girlfriend off guard. Blind woman uses the bathroom. Widow and Girlfriend are talking at a very normal volume maybe 10ft in front of the bathroom door with a blind woman just droppin logs (okay, that last part is not in the movie, lol). They just bad mouth the blind woman. What should have happened was the blind woman passively acknowledges she heard them, doesn't directly bring it up, but all parties know they've been found out.
Sadly this suspension of disbelief, we as the audience have to have for the ending ruins what was nearly a perfect execution, and again revolves around, Blind Woman would totally have heard this and since she's not dumb, wouldn't normally or logically fall for it. I was waiting for her to outsmart the ending, but NOPE...
-YAY QUIET FILMS , where everyone whisper talks like they do on the west wing, and other media that confuses quiet speaking as intellectual and wit. It's not, just makes it really hard to hear as an audience, when viewing this at home. This one isn't as bad as say "Killing of a Sacred Deer", but it's bad at times. Especially when the blind sister speaks, she is super hard to hear and her accent makes it hard to understand her at times.
-Anachronistic, this movie takes place at a time... What time? I don't know. Cars look modern, and at times don't. The hospital the widow works at doesn't have a computer system. Yet they have modern "CANDYBAR" style cellphones (aka smart phones) which creates plot holes in and of themselves.
-The ending was a bit disappointing. And the last scene was "trashy" and greatly conflicted tonally with the rest of the movie. It was weird, kind of campy, felt like a Rob Zombie movie for that very last scene.
OVERALL... I rather enjoyed the atmosphere, some fluff could have been cut, maybe 10 minutes worth, and then you realize, it's only 98 minutes long. If you want a Hereditary style atmospheric horror with super natural undertones, that also like Hereditary, slightly falls apart in the final act, then this is your movie.
Terrifier 2 (2022)
If you're watching these for the "LORE" You're Doing it Wrong
Didn't know if I reviewed this one yet, but having just watched 3, might as well review this one. Where 3 fails this succeeds.
Story: Killer Clown. There, that's really all you need to know. They try to add mythology a prophetic dead father figure, and a heroine who will remain as the last girl. Spoiler, but not really.
Acting: David Howard Thornton hits his miming peak in this film. Effortlessly going from terrifying to genuinely funny as quick as Anthony Stark of Homelander fame can go from Sociopathic to Icon of AMERICANA, that is to say, within a second. Sienna does fine in this movie, same with Jonathan's actor. Everyone else is not bad, and just above serviceable. Think UPN sitcom levels or CW levels of acting. I don't think UPN is a thing anymore. I'm old. Also thought the little girl clown was pretty good.
Gore: This is what you came for, and it's here in spades, though, not always great. Budget's better, but gore quality is only slightly better, save for the full body animatronic. Which now I know to look for it, is SUPER OBVIOUS and takes you out of the movie. A lot of times the issue comes down to, Damion Leone forgetting humans are made up of stuff under the skin, so there are a lot of times gore is happening and it's clearly a way too HOLLOW cavity and the skin's rigidity is not there either, ruining the illusion.
Shock: This I think strikes the perfect balance of shock value. It never seems frivolous and mean for mean sake. It makes sense in-universe and doesn't
seem gratuitous, ironically. Where in Terrifier 3, there are scenes in there that didn't make sense and detracted from a good product as much as did the needing to go from cameo to cameo.
Conclusion: If you like gore, like comedy, then this is for you. Horror isn't really there, Wasn't really in the first one either, since he's not a stalking killer like Jason or Michael were in the beginning. The story is meh and is the start with what ruins the third one for me, along with the needless cameos in 3. That stops being fun easter eggs and are just blatant CAMEOS. This is easily my favorite of the three thus far. Hopefully 4 returns to 2's formula. A perfect balance of comedy, gore and shock.
Terrifier 3 (2024)
The playfulness is gone
Let's start this off by saying, I liked the first two. The first one was ROUGH, and showed off its low budget and humbleness. Second one was great, was striking that perfect balance of shock, gore, and comedy. Third one... Too much shock, for shock sake, and not as much comedy.
The major issue here is weirdly too much backstory and "LORE", they're trying to add rules and logic to everything, while also being cheeky fun. The lore is convoluted and confusing. You can't be like; eh don't think too much about it, and then dedicate a quarter of this film to the logic behind the Art Demon.
Then there's the "SHOCK VALUE" of this one which was more TEENAGE REBELLION than genuine shock. "Isn't it crazy the melted face lady is masturbating with a shard of glass?" "Am I pushing your buttons Christians with this ham-fisted blasphemous JESUS symbolism?" Eh, just lost the tastefulness and subtly. There was shock, in the other two, for sure, but it was never so juvenile and basic.
Everything else was fine, not great. The gore was way better, they remembered humans have layers inside of them, and you don't see as much hollow cavities with really floppy and rubbery shells like in the first two.
If you missed it in theaters, not that big of a deal.
Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)
Least favorite of the 3, but for the nerds
This isn't a WIDE APPEAL movie, it has those elements, but this clearly was made for the nerds and marvel loyalists. Which isn't a bad thing, just means if you're like me and don't get all 1000 references, it's going to be a bumpy ride for you. I got a lot of them. It suffers the Rick and Morty, Smiling Friends, current era humor problem of needing 100 jokes per minute and as such there's really a weak semblance of a plot and story. It was weirdly "CUTE" which given the amount of swearing and violence, is weird to say. I wouldn't say I regretted seeing it opening day, but would say, this is a STREAMING movie. That way you can rewind parts to see the jokes and easter eggs you've missed.
The pros:
-Obviously the CHEMISTRY between two of the nicest people in Hollywood from what I've heard. It's great. Though they did have a few character breaks where it clearly was like take 100 and they didn't have the budget to retake something anymore so you'll catch a Hugh Jackman smirk here or there when he's supposed to be pissed off. Pretty sure Happy Hogan has a MAJOR character break in his scene.
-Decent effects
-Good jokes
-Some obscure out of left field references, like the "Leifeld Foot Store". Rob Leifeld co-created Deadpool.
Cons:
-Over stays its welcome
-Blind old lady that's hood is kind of a tired old trope, I mean Airplane did that joke and it was getting old by that point. It's like getting a child to say bad things.
-Story is so who cares and you can tell, since it relies way more on plot conveniences than logic.
-Music was trying way too hard to be LOL RANDOM. "Isn't it funny we're playing a pop song from the 90s and early 2000s while slaughtering a hoard of people?"
Overall
If you're a comic fan, and a fan of the first two, you'll like it. It's made for you guys. Those looking for an Action Comedy flick might want to look elsewhere.
Black Clover (2017)
THE MOST SHONEN OF SHONENS For better and for worse
This is the Shonen that checks the box for all the cliches:
Obnoxious cocky protagonist? YUP
Cocky and arrogant best friend rival? YUP
PLOT ARMOR AND CONVENIENCES SO THICK IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE? YUP
Broken SYSTEM for the two mains to exploit? YUP
As for the more Negative
10-12 minutes of NEW MATERIAL every episode since 10-12 minutes are relegated to closing theme, opening exposition that they need for EVERY EPISODE, we got it, we know what a WIZARD KING IS BY EPISODE 12 or after the first ARC. 1-2 minute Opening and closing, 5 minute recap, So that's annoying. If you cut out the Clover Clip segments at the end, it's really only like 7-8 minutes of new stuff, since it also does that annoying; replay the last 30 seconds to a minute coming back from break thing.
It's a good show, bog standard show, that's basically Naruto with spell books. Except Asta gets his 9 Tails later. You can 100% tell this was made for kids with the very very basic and non-nuanced take on issues and themes. They really BLUES CLUES the message of Hard Work, Team Work, Perseverance to the point you're like; "I thought Japanese kids were supposed to be intelligent, since they repeat this message like it's made for 8 year olds and younger."
Bad Boys II (2003)
MORE DRAMATIC IRONY and now with PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Man, I don't remember 1 having this much BLATANT product placement, heck just saw 4 like 3 days ago and don't remember it being inundated with product placement. 20 minutes in and they dropped like 10 NON SUBTLE product placements.
One thing I hate more than anything in movies, is DRAMATIC IRONY. I can't think of a movie that uses that well. It's always a crutch and not a bolster. This is the whole gimmick of this movie; Mike's dating Martin's sister and sister is secretly working undercover with the feds as a liaison for the bad guy of this movie. OH SO WACKY. So far this is the most "TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF, you're going to hurt yourself if you think about it too long. This is just dumb action movie with all the modern Michael Bay trappings." THOUGH, one thing that baffles me and is kind of impressive, not a lot of nudity if any in all three I've seen. It's fine, but seeing this a second time, is kind of a chore.
Bad Boys: Ride or Die (2024)
Not as dumb of a popcorn flick as I was expecting.
Prior to seeing this one, I've seen 1 and 2 like 10 years ago, just rewatching 1 and 2, currently 20 minutes into 2 as we speak. Never seen 3, which apparently was kind of crucial to get a lot of what's going on with this movie. Since as I remembered it, 1 and 2 were kind of stand alone movies, like a police procedural. Elements from 1 carry over in 2 but more as an easter egg rather than story crucial.
This was probably the biggest problem for me with this movie, they constantly reference events from 3, but there's enough new things, that more intelligent people can get enough of an idea of what is going on and the flashback to 3 are JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH, that they add needed context without feeling like "We ran out of ideas by movie 4 so we'll "Silent Night, Deadly Night 2" it where we'll play half of the previous movie in this movie. MAYBE, and this is from memory, 10% is flashback which to me is perfectly fine.
This was more enjoyable than I was expecting and it was better thought out, maybe not BORNE levels of cleverness, but... more thought out and fleshed out than say a Transformer's movie. There's enough meat on this bone to feel like it was worth its ticket price.
Good jokes, decent villains that aren't white or russian, nice to see. And really good action. Yeah it gets goofy at times, to the point of cringe, but overall, probably will watch it again when it comes to streaming, but isn't going into regular rotation like Hot Fuzz does.
In conclusion; good jokes, good action, better than expected writing, good acting, fun characters, and weirdly a movie you can't fully turn your brain off to enjoy. Well worth seeing, glad I did. Now with that said, I can't remember for the life of me what the spanish bad guy was doing, just remember his hideout was an abandoned tourist trap. Seriously, I think it might have been drugs...I recall the majority of it was to clear their captain's name, but... I think there was a secondary heist and crime at play. Oh and obvious heel turn is obvious, as soon as that guy was on screen I knew he was a heel turn. SIGH... Though, they do try to subvert that and are kind of successful and almost had me second guessing myself.
Bad Boys (1995)
BORING, Low action, and endless "MISUNDERSTANDINGS"
I just finished this movie and man is it bad, acting is fine, but the whole movie is "MISUNDERSTANDING" the movie. MY LEAST FAVORITE TROPE, and my least favorite form of irony, "DRAMATIC IRONY". Especially when the "Misunderstanding" doesn't make sense and is clearly there to PAD THE RUN TIME. There's no reason why this was nearly 2hrs. Nothing I hate more than the; "BABE, I CAN EXPLAIN!!!" trope. You married the guy right, you've been married long enough to spit out three kids with the oldest like 8 or 9, meaning at least 8 or 9 years together to that point, you'd know your husband, this conflict doesn't need to happen, isn't funny, and is frustrating to have to watch it play out for 5 flipping minutes if it's not longer than that.
The action, when there, is fine and expected. Obviously the final car stunt is great. How this product got a sequel at that stage, is beyond me. I'm glad it did, since I really liked 4, and 2 is alright thus far. Though, I'm only 20 minutes into rewatching it. Haven't seen 3. Glad it got a sequel since it is clear this is the awkward freshman year. Sophomore is looking better and more action packed. So far, there isn't much continuity between the two, which is how I remembered the series, but apparently I should have watched 3 before 4 since that seems like it's more serial in that regard instead of procedural. PASS ON IT.
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
A Deconstructionist Horror film writen by people with a passing interest
This is a DECONSTRUCTIONIST horror comedy a la Scream, without that film's style. The failings fall 100% on the writers, everyone acted their part well, it was well directed, I just didn't LOVE IT. It is an enjoyable, turn your brain off movie with really really clumsy homages that border on Family Guy levels of referencing other properties. "Are you really a horror fan? Do you remember this movie? How about this movie? OR THIS ONE... We're going to throw you for a loop and add some foreign references..." This wasn't written by HORROR fans, but NERD CULTURE FANS. While there is an overlap in those two fandoms, it's not as much as this movie thinks it is. Joss and Drew are true blue NERDS, they're more Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Comics people, not horror people. This shows.
As I said, the movie was fun, but told from a perspective from people with a passing interest in horror. Think more fans of like Event Horizon, HP Lovecraft Cosmic Horror fans; instead of Zombies and Ghosts Supernatural fans or even Slasher/Psychological Thriller fans. As a result, what happens is this becomes a "CHECK LIST" movie, which they even acknowledge in the film itself, but it's one of those instances where you acknowledging you're doing that "THING" doesn't forgive the fact that you're doing that "THING". Like Family Guy's Quagmire character, just because you acknowledge he's a creep doesn't then make it okay to write him off as a 100% creep. It's like a priest making a Catholic Church Pedophilia joke... if that makes sense. Just do the trope, don't acknowledge you're doing the trope.
It's a good ONE watch film, it's light hearted enough, and decent. It focused on being more GENERAL AUDIENCE APPEALING than, say like a Scream which had a decent General Audience appeal, but was clearly made for Slasher fans and making a black comedy light-satire on that genre. If the two writers understood the source material better, this could have been a better movie. Like seeing these two tackle like an original Sci-Fi IP, or even like their version of Flash Gordon or Buck Rogers done more comedic would probably be great for this team, and would probably end up coming out like Guardians of the Galaxy but more jokey and not forced to shoe-horn MCU tie-ins.
The Last Stop in Yuma County (2023)
Not original, but COMPETENTLY done
You've seen this movie before, this doesn't really do anything new that those haven't done. It's well acted, tightly and competently written, and rather predictable. They try to throw a wrench at the end, but eh, I've seen enough of these types of movies before. The "sweater unraveling movie".
You start out with a loose thread, and the initial pull on it; "No Gas at the Gas Station, since they're in a super remote area, and no gas for the next 100 Miles." Then more and more people come to pull on that loose thread speeding up the destruction of that sweater, 'til it's a pile of yarn. There's your movie.
Its strength is in the acting, and doing CRISP, CLEAN, BELIEVABLE DIALOG and ACTIONS. No one really behaves in a way that doesn't make sense, all actions taken in this movie makes sense and the results of those choices also makes sense. It's a tight and clean script. Which also what makes it mediocre. It's a little too by the books and safe. They realize that by the end and TRY, but fail, TRY to throw a slight curve ball, but you as a wise audience member calls it from a mile away.
You watch this once, and you're good. You won't feel like you were robbed of your time, but ONCE is more than enough. There aren't clever clues foreshadowing the next move in the series of events, hidden in the scenery. It bears everything out in the open.
The Iron Claw (2023)
The feel good movie of the century
LOL, not really, it's super depressing. The long and short of it is complex. A story about a father holding on to the old world of Wrestling before Vince McMahon destroyed the divisions. Due to his obsession, he brings his family down with him, literally. The depressing true story, with some liberties taken about a family cursed by the patriarchy, to fail...
The acting is amazing, the story depressing, over all a good movie. I didn't know or care about the story going into it, but after watching it I wanted to see what liberties they took with the story, which thankfully doesn't seem like a lot. Probably the biggest complaint would be, missing context for some scenes and events covered in this movie, but had to be done since this is a movie, not a mini series.
All I'll say, is I'm glad one member seemingly escaped the family curse. And the only complaint I have is there's two scenes that are SUPER SCHMALTZY and cheapen the movie a bit. Like that wasn't necessary, that artistic flair downgraded a great movie to a hallmark made for tv affair, in those moments. Also Eric's wife is a saint, holy cow. Seriously wife of the century material there. Good movie, if you want something depressing, which I'm frequently in the market for.
Bluey (2018)
7.75/10 A kids show that respects the intelligence of children
I get this appeal, now. I get why people like it. The strongest, and I do mean STRONGEST aspect of this show is it NEVER talks down to kids or uses unnecessary "baby" talk. It doesn't care your age, and is one of the extremely rare (only one I can think of at the moment, maybe Arthur) Young Children's show to do this. Like an older kid's show that did this well was "Hey Arnold". Which lends a lot of realism to this show. The parent's don't insult the kids by dismissing them, but try to contextualize it in an age appropriate manner. For that I give it a lot of respect. That and the fact that they have actual kids playing the kids part and I can't imagine how long it took to find this many talented, nuanced, and mature child actors for this show. You would be forgiven to think that Bluey and her sister Bingo were played by someone like an Aussie Tara Strong.
Another great strength to this show is that it's quiet, not all the time, but it's not like most young children (Nick Jr/Playhouse Disney) show where it's just constant loud and flashy, when the kids do yell, it seems appropriate for them to. And this again is just where these child actors just SHINE, seriously, that's insane the talent they got for the kids. You have kids yelling and squealing every so often, but it's nuanced, it's not just an obnoxious loud noise. Like the crescendo of the squeal lasts maybe a second and then tapers off organically.
Now it is a kids show, and admittedly I'm doing this after watching half of Season One only, and there was only one offensive episode, that didn't really fit the Bluey model from what I could figure in the first 29 I've seen, and that was the "FLOSSING" episode. That was the most BOOMER episode thus far. They tried to give it an ulterior motive/lesson, but it wasn't really there. It was the least Bluey episode I've seen up to that point. Since there are episodes where it's almost exclusively kids focused and there aren't really any adults in it, and I feel like the writer(s) really just nail the child experience with realistic interactions.
Thus far my favorite episode is where Bluey and Bandit just sit on the bench together watching the kids Bingo's age struggling with tasks, and providing commentary. One's trying to get a backpack on, another is trying to reach the monkey bars, and Bingo is trying to use the water fountain. And at first they're lightly ribbing the kids to each other (Bluey and Bandit), then they're encouraging them, and each struggling kid figures out a unique solution to their problem. I like the Monkey Bars girl who finally gets to the first ring and then is like, "oh right, I can't reach the second ring."
That's another weird thing this show does, is humor well. There's a lot of adult, isn't the right word, more intelligent jokes like the monkey bar accomplishment gag is great. And this show is littered with dry sarcastic jokes like that, I haven't noticed any inappropriate or racy jokes in the show clearly made for the adults watching. I will say, this show does feature a lot of bodily function references which I'm going to chalk up to a cultural difference thing. It's strange, never enters fully inappropriate, but it starts stacking when you're binging these 7-8 minute episodes.
One thing I do wish this show did more of, was more them acting like dogs. It's rare, and when it does happen, I love it. Love when you see Bingo rolling in the grass like a real dog. Watching them lapping at water from a faucet/spigot. Not enough of that.
The biggest fault I'm seeing with this show is, a lot of the scenario paints the father in a bad light, whether it's forgetting pool supplies, or being too aggressive with the kids, or constantly messing things up for Chili to fix and save the day. It's happening rather frequently, that it doesn't feel organic, it feels agenda driven. I mean it's a 3 Female to 1 Male household. Again, a problem you notice binge watching this, but if you're watching this 1 episode daily or however they run this on Disney, then it's not as obvious. It just seems like when the writers are stuck for a conflict, they go to the "let's use Bandit as a villain" angle.
Over all the show is a great positive direction for kids shows to go in, even really young children's shows; since a 1st grader will remember the lessons taught in this show more than say BUBAS or whatever, since this show respects kids and treats them maturely. They're not going to go FULL NIHILIST, on you; but they're not going to hand wave difficult subject matters either. They'll contextualize them to be age appropriate; without diluting it so much that the important message and lesson is lost in the conversion process. It is really just silly how much they pack in a 7 minute format. LIKE HOLY COW... The writer(s) can even handle tricky subject matter in that 7 minute limitation with great poise and adequacy. It's always JUST RIGHT ENOUGH, to teach, not too short or too long to confuse.
Snack Shack (2024)
Safe, Cliched and Predictable.
I like that people think this is an irreverent comedy since it involves "teens" (but not really) and "teens" swearing, underage smoking, underage drinking and that's what makes it "irreverent". LOL...
You've seen this movie 100x before, nothing new is said, nothing new is done, was it good? Kind of. Was ALMOST realistically written, though noticed the writer who wasn't afraid of an "f" bomb here or there, was afraid to use another set of "f" words (think sticks and their bundles) that back in the 90s was being tossed around in school like the word "the". I grew up in the 90s, so I do know.
The issue is, due to its predictable nature, you end up waiting to hit those beats. It's well acted, the actors look kind of their age, Moose does not, the other kid and the girl does. And the writing for the most part is predictable, yet believable, save for the exclusion of three words that the bullies and the two boys would be calling each other when they were showing emotion.
I don't love it, don't hate it, has a lot of fat that could be trimmed, and if this were trimmed down to say... 90ish minutes it wouldn't lose any context or weight, also totally called the last scene. That's how safe and predictable this is, edgy language, underage drinking, underage smoking, and sexy times, doesn't make you not safe. Just makes you an "R" rated movie. It started out strong, real strong, and then petered out 20 minutes in, slowly crawling to the next checklist item: "Schemer kids, one with a rainman like ability?" CHECK. "Friends falling out over the same girl?" CHECK. "Boy and Girl break up since boy confuses girl's brother for college kid she's now seeing on the rebound?" CHECK. "BFF huge blow out that gets in the way of their hustle?" CHECK. "Manufactured Tragedy event to bring everyone back together?" CHECK. "Dad hands son a beer at the end to signify dad seeing his son as a matured person ready to drink, even though he's the judge?" CHECK. "Close on the boys together, throwing the last of their stock of Snack Shack Snacks to a throng of pool goers as summer winds down?" CHECK. It's all here and tedious.
Black Swan (2010)
OMG, IT LIKE AN ALLEGORY OR SUMTIN'
I'll keep this short, since I'm doing this from memory. Also since this movie gets wrongfully praised for being good.
OMG, her life is like perfectly mirroring da performance she is a part of, isn't that nuts? And if it's not super obvious, he transforms the house of cards lady into the black swan... Or was that Meg from Family Guy? WHOA, MIND BLOWN. It's so hoaky. And blatant that I'm not sure it's not supposed to be ironic and satirical or not.
Everything is acted FINE and shot FINE. Score is also JUST fine as well. NOTHING in this film is remarkable, groundbreaking, innovative, or interesting. Another CRITICBAIT movie.
Looked it up, it was Mila Kunis. WOW... maybe that's why I couldn't be invested in it, since it was her ATTEMPT, not successful mind you, to get a big girl role. Sorry Jackie/Meg, can't see you as anything else. It should have been that reporter from House of Cards.
Poor Things (2023)
HE'S A HACK FILM MAKER
Let's get this out of the way, I've only seen one other movie of his, and that was "Killing of a Sacred Deer" and this will be my second and last film of his. I get his GIMMICK.
1) Hide behind your Euro-Trash origins to curb legit criticism, kind of like Modern Disney movies hide behind their gimmicks to the same cowardly and dishonest manner.
2) peddle your crap to the US as "cultured" since "European Man" made it. "OOH he's foreign, so if we don't like it, it makes us come off as jingoistic and uncultured, EVERYONE CLAP AND APPLAUD THE GRECIAN."
3) Be as shocking and provocative as a John K cartoon, with as much depth as well.
His movies aren't thinkers, they're not deep, they're just crude. How this was considered some feminist masterpiece when it was clearly made by sheltered little boys through and through, is beyond me. Also, why is modern feminism so "sex-centric". This is the most boring overbloated "Frankenstien's Monster" tale I've ever watched. Was it beautiful to look at, yeah, it was. BUT Beauty without substance is wasted. Also Emma Stone's portrayal of mentally handicapped borders on near black-face levels of offensiveness. This is some "I Am Sam" and "Riding the Bus" understanding of mentally deficient and how to portray it on screen. HONEY, if you're breaking things, you can't be flinching before the the smashing of the plates and the jars. People of that mental acuity wouldn't flinch since that would show a level of cognition they lack.
Needless to say, this is more criticbait drivel, that the educated (read: not actually worldly or intelligent) pretend to glean more meaning out of than is actually there. This is typical of his movie. At least the guy who made The VVITCH and The Lighthouse had a story and substance to the shock of it. I didn't like either of those movies, but I respect them for what they are and see what he was going for. This is just "Lars Von Trier at home." The Dollar Tree Lars. This is barely above A Serbian Film in terms of "ART". The difference between the two, at least A Serbian Film is honest in being exploitative trash, this pretends its exploitative trash is high class since it wears Victorian Clothing.
Naruto (2002)
Good Message, BORING
I LOVE THE OVERALL THEME OF THIS ANIME, it's great, you can either be a victim of your upbringing and past, or use it to springboard and motivate you. Then go from mopey kid to mopey kid and make them realize the purpose of living. Well, that's one aspect is Naruto's "naivety" infecting others to better themselves.
The other aspect of it is lack of animation, and boring multi-episode battles with a lot of padding. I didn't realize this during its initial run as a teen, but holy padding and lack of animation... SO MUCH TALKING AND PEOPLE STANDING STILL, and a lot of characters have a mask on, so they don't have to animate lip flaps, and as such means you're just watching a still image. There have literally been multiple times when I heard Audio and thought my PC was being buggy since intel GPUs kind of suck, and I thought the video froze while the audio continued, and then nope, that's just how it's "ANIMATED".
Around the QUARTER MARK, we get introduced to the main bad guy for the series and most of the next series, and is he just not interesting and boring. He loves to talk a lot and is just so one dimensional and boring. They're going for a more intelligent Joker angle, and it doesn't work.
I'm on Episode 73, and I'm hating this re-watch. The core message and theme are great, but there's not enough villain varieties to supplement the main villain, that it just gets boring. Also, the recycling of gags gets annoying as well. Mind you, this anime is meant for 7-12 year olds in Japan, that it kind of contextualizes the flaws I'm seeing as a now 36-year-old with over 100 anime watched up to this point. The thing as an adult I do find more interesting is the JAPAN mythology and demonology stuff, but there's not enough of that to keep me sated. I MIGHT, have to abandon this one due to sheer boredom.
Dolls (1986)
It's a perfect, FUN MOVIE
Didn't realize this was Stuart Gordon's doing. Explains a lot. If you're looking for real horror, move along. This is just fun silly horror. Not for children due to language and violence, but a fun movie nonetheless. As long as you come in this wanting a fun time, you'll get it. Not as campy and cheesy as Killer Clownz, but it knows what it is and plays to that strength.
The Plot; a dysfunctional family gets stranded due to bad weather, and a nice elderly and very eccentric couple allow them and some other people who also got stranded due to bad weather, a place to stay. Then the dolls come alive and that's when the fun begins. Lots of stop-motion and fun is had. Also, the Old Couple were the best actors by far, punching way above their pay grade. They play it more serious, where everyone else seems to be playing it more like the B-Movie it is. And normally when a couple of actors are being too professional and everyone else is... not phoning it in, but maybe not taking it that serious... that could clash and ruin the movie. Everyone seemed to be having fun since it comes out that way in the performance, and it's what saves it. This is a CHARMING movie, with a sweet (as in... cherubic) message.
It's a very satisfying movie when you expect nothing more of it, but to not feel like you wasted time watching it. This is a very CHUCKY like movie. Where it's having fun, acknowledges the silliness of the premise, and fully leans into it a perfect amount to be enjoyable and not try-hard.
Smiling Friends (2020)
Wow, talk about something that shouldn't work and 100% does.
I am a huge fan of the New Grounds kids, who isn't... Love Zach on Oneyplays, and then this show happened. This is a show that's all about being random, but per-episode, there's a weird cohesion. You don't really ask why condiments are sentient. Why one character is 3D rendered and that's actually part of his gimmick. It just works. Also, it's not an overly crude show, it's blue from time to time but never overtly offensive. I think since I do watch a lot of OneyNG stuff and OneyPlays it was kind of fun seeing where Zach's friends popped up from time to time. This is definitely one of those shows I've now gone back to, over a dozen times now, and binged.
Why this show works is, since there's this impish quality to it, which I assume is 100% Zach's doing as the gremlin he is in real life. There's this weird child like innocence in it that Mike's character Pim brings into every job, that maybe a 20-something year old really shouldn't have still; matched perfectly with the apathetic nature of Charlie.
I think this show has longevity and could be that cartoon that stands the test of time. It's wildly creative, humor has something for everyone. And if you follow Zach enough, you know where some of the jokes and premise come from. Like the scene where they rip apart the forest demon and start eating it, stemmed from an OneyPlays idea where Zach relays an animation he wanted to do that involved children, a monkey and a birthday party. Where the mother brings home a monkey and for some odd reason the kids start eating the monkey alive.
Maybe for that reason, I think this show works for me, since I know the story behind the jokes, like someone had to point out the Boss's intro scene in episode one is a call back to an old Zach cartoon he did, it's just full of fun easter eggs and cameos like Chills, David Firth, Gilbert Godfrey of all people, and so on. Though, you don't need that level of knowledge or background understanding to enjoy these episodes.
Koala Man (2023)
Meh, EXTREMELY MEH
Just binged the first season and it was MEH. Got like two genuine laughs, otherwise, NOTHING. For the most part, this show isn't offensive, but then there was one episode where it was really going for the edgy humor, and it didn't make sense and seemed to be a Justin Roiland suggestion. Nothing was 100% off about it, but nothing was ever on about it either.
The premise is like a cute 1-off joke that they stretch for a whole season. Delusional man, wants to be a super-hero, a premise that was done in Kick-Ass, and Super, to better results. The character I liked the most was the daughter, liked her petty want to be popular, and getting happy as her competition gets eliminated one-by-one in rather clever ways. Those were like the only enjoyment I got out of this series. Other than that, it's another one of those "LOL RANDOM" series, which I don't know if Zach Hadel of all people, reigns in Mike making Smiling Friends work, or if that's just a better premise for the LOL Random humor to work its magic. Here it seemed like most of the time, it was just done for the sake of it and not the plot of it. While I laughed at the thug Kangaroos, it also didn't really make sense.
I don't regret watching it, but I wouldn't recommend people watch it, it's like alternative comedy, where you acknowledge where the jokes are supposed to be, but rarely if ever laugh at said jokes.
Jujutsu Kaisen (2020)
I DO NOT GET THE HYPE
I'm caught up, with season one and season 2, just recently finished season 2.
I am in the minority here and think all the characters kind of are terrible. This is an odd show where the concept is EXTREMELY INTERESTING AND COOL, and everything is done EXTREMELY WELL, but man those characters are bland and that story is so generic. It's like Lord of the Rings, long winded, cool well thought out world, but boring stories.
Season 2 is half backstory, and then half current day. BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM, the story is terrible, it's been said thousands upon thousands of times, this is the most boiler plate Shonen ever. The philosophical elements are High School grade at best. That it makes it impossible to really enjoy it.
This show does the extremely RARE feat of making Action SUPER BORING. Yeah it's fast paced, well drawn, and they do some interesting visual flares at time to denote reality bending and power of an attack, but MAN they go on long, not Dragon Ball level long, but some fights last 3 episodes and when you only have 12 of the 23 episodes to finish it, it gets boring.
I loved the explanation for curses and demons in the first season. I thought that was very unique, I thought the POWERS were really cool, love the powers in this anime, the switch places power, the domain rules. It has all of the elements of cool there, but misses. The character aspects are neat, like that the typical dumb meat head character is actually rather intelligent and insightful in battles, but I've seen that done before.
Then Season 2 is like; "We watched Game of Thrones and Walking Dead, so we'll emulate that, and just go on a supporting cast murder and handicapping spree." That wasn't novel then, isn't novel now. Since after the third one of that, you just turn your brain off and stop caring. And by season's end, there's like a dozen of that.
Also, pretty sure I know where this is going, I mean I have jumped ahead and checked past Season 2 in the Manga, but like with My Hero, they explained a MacGuffin in season 2 and hinted at it in season one, that you can predict where it is going. Like by episode 2 of My hero of Season 1, I knew exactly how that was going to play out, and how that was going to end. "Oh I can use all the quirks of the past 9 users and One For All gave the power to his quirkless brother... wonder what's going to happen... spoilers kids, it hasn't been written yet, but All For One, will tell him that he too has the quirk stealing power of One For All, an oversight One For All didn't think about."
Just like here, spoilers, the curse in the protagonist who is so forgettable even though I JUST binged all 23 episodes of season 2, escapes the prison of its host. BUT I'm calling it now, the new game plan is a world treasure hunt for cursed objects for our boy to consume and take their powers from. Or he becomes one with that weird deity thing that's ageless. Since in season one they said there were a few Sukis or whatever like curses out there chopped up into pieces.
There is a lot to like here, just assembled in a weird way. It's like those memes of what it's supposed to look like, and what it actually looks like, when it comes to people recreating crafts at home. A lot of wasted talent here, on a story that I don't think has legs.
Survive Style 5+ (2004)
This is a fun movie and very infectous
I really love this movie, personally like a 9 out of 10, but it is super JAPANESE. It's live action Anime of the most absurdist kind. It tries to do the Tarantino thing, but is too bubble gum pop for that that it misses. With that said, the 5 storylines that are here are fun to watch even if their connecting thread at the end isn't as logical or well thought out as I'm sure the director and writer wanted it to be.
The issue with this is that it's literally in its title; "STYLE" with little substance. It's a joke for a joke's sake without care for joke structure. Let's throw everything at the wall and see what sticks. THANKFULLY for it, since it's so kinetic and fast. Gives off the illusion that a lot of it sticks, especially if you like Japanese humor. They're very Tex Avery over there, who was my favorite Looney Tunes Director. Lots of visual gags and word play gags that if you get some fan subs does a little better job translating than the official.
This isn't for everyone, but if you want absurdism with little substance then look no further. This will sate you for a while. It's a dark movie with a bubble gum pop mask on. It's like the song Chick Habit by April March. It's this really poppy song about a sexual predator stalking women, and then picks the wrong girl who will be more than happy to put an end to his predator ways. SUCH a happy melody and sung so frenetically that it's great. This movie is just like that song. I also liked Vinny Jones in this, he's doing is Football/Soccer Hooligan shtick, but it works in the context of the movie, and the writer clearly knew how to add it to the story. Wouldn't be surprised if he wrote Vinny's character first, which makes more sense when you watch the movie.
Kaidan (1964)
Arthouse at its most Arthouse but for Japanophiles
There's NO DENYING this is a BEAUTIFUL movie. It's so quiet, like a babbling brook, but that's kind of the problem. If you're not interested in Japanese Culture then there's not a lot to like here. Everything is shot beautifully, it's acted well but its pace is purposefully meditative to be reflective. It's one of those movies where if it were in a film class, they'd pause after each story and dissect it for the whole week.
I liked the movie, but the reality is, there isn't much here, this is one of those movies that people watch to feign cultural superiority and intelligence. This is why it's a 7 out of 10 since it says nothing of real importance, it's there to look pretty, and only give you the cliff notes of the cliff notes on some Shinto demonology. There's some cool concepts here, and you can't hate it, since it's so beautiful and well executed but at the end of the day, upon reflecting, you realize nothing was really said. I liked it as a Japanophile, since I love me some anime and japanese horor and survive style five and Rampo Noir. Even though this has supernatural elements, this is classic GOTHIC HORROR or more cerebral horror, character studies.
So, no I don't think this is one of those films you have to see, but if you see it, be prepared for its slow pace.
Talk to Me (2022)
Chekov's Kanagroo
I'll keep this short. IT'S BORING. This wasn't creepy, I was bored throughout most of it. Had two GOOD GAGS, the very last bit at the end, I thought was cute and clever. Then the weird out of place Event Horizon/Jacob's Ladder scene with the boy being tugged gently by the spirits. OTHER THAN THAT... IT WAS LAME.
The writing was bad, the acting was mediocre, it was shot competently... Since apparently two youtubers with a prank channel made it. I don't know what the message was. Some said drug abuse allegory, others' have said social media addiction, but none of those really jive since there weren't any druggies in the movie and social media is such a foot note in this that I just don't see that angle. To me I think it was more on the nose of "LETTING GO". Since that's how you break the connection. The catalyst to this never pays off, and I can't tell if I don't care enough that it didn't, or if it was done for "ARTISTIC" reasons. I literally got done watching this and it barely stuck with me. Oh and I think the creators thought it would be funny and quirky if the one girl's ring tone was Crazy Frog... REMEMBER CRAZY FROG? HOW ZANY. These kids weren't even alive for Crazy Frog, oh god that's so depressing to think, that the actors might be younger than Crazy Frog... Getting old sucks.
As for this movie, this is a great "HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL HORROR MOVIE", that's the people who would be scared by this. It has that blood and gore "R-RATED" edge, and has the appearance of being deep that they'll chew up and make them think they're watching something spooky and nuanced like Pan's Labyrinth or The Devil's Backbone. This is for the Wish Upon crowd. I can't hate it though, for a first time big boy movie, it was good on that aspect. AND GOOD ON THEM FOR REALLY NOT GOING FOR JUMP SCARES and easy avenues of James Wan horror movies. They're better than James Wan, which is a low bar, but a bar they did clear. Well done you guys.
Gantz (2004)
When ANGST AND EDGY have a baby, it's GANTZ
Easily in the top 5 of anime for me, and it's not for everyone. It is crass, it is ugly, gory, lot of nudity, not a lot of purpose, it is NEGATIVITY.
The premise is simple; you lose your life in a dumb way, you get a second chance at it by playing a bounty hunter game. Collect 500 points and you have a chance of a second life. THOUGH, die during the game, and that's it. The enemies they fight are real, and other worldly. This is not a children's anime. I think they call this Seinen. OR adult anime. Where Shonen is like pre-teen to teen. You'll get gore in your Shonen, but usually no nudity. This has it all, any topic you might be uncomfortable with, this will address it and do it in the most offensive for offensive sake possible. One of the contestants that gets tasked to play GANTZ is a dog, that they call "BUTTER DOG" and well it's a special kind of k9 used to do something with peanut butter and women. YEAH, this show is amazingly juvenile. It's edgier than Shadow the Hedgehog or Blink 182. We're surpassing Combichrist level of Edge.
The name of the game is Nihilism and Futility. You may survive the night, get to go back home in a living form, but you're going to be transported back to do it again, to earn that 500 points to freedom. The real kicker is, each enemy they kill barely whittles away at that 500 points to really drive home that futility.
Why do I like it? It scratches that Nihilistic itch. And even though it's a very bleak and depressing anime when you ruminate on it, it's great. Also Super Shooter by Rip Slyme is amazing as the opening song. The thing this anime does well is the animation, it's fast and kinetic. The first hunt in the show, they play with the idea of morality, and then after it, quickly forego it. There doesn't seem to be a deep message here, or it trying to say anything too profound, save for everything is futile save for the connections you make with your fellow man. Since as shallow as this anime comes off, the main character grows more cynical as the battles go on, but still grows as a person. Not in this anime, but in the material, he does get the 500 points and chooses to stay in the game acting as a sort of guide for the other players that come into the story later, hoping the more he plays the more he can find out about what GANTZ is and how to stop it. They breifly go into the "LORE" of GANTZ in this series but not enough to direct you down a path. Which I kind of respect. I respect this anime due to its narrow-mindedness and singular focus it has. Monster of the week battle royale anime and that's all that really matters. You get slight player backstory glimpse but what amounts to a blurb on a baseball card for most. Some get some indepth look. Like the supporting "actor" gets a great family abuse backstory. As I said, every taboo you can think of, every edgy topic they cover it, and usually without tact or nuance.
My suggestion, go on YouTube and watch Supereyepatchwolf's video essay on this property to see if you're into it, since he also does a better job of explaining the philosophy of the story since he read and saw all the GANTZ projects and goes into the Author of it as well. I love it, but it is far from being recommendable.