- Receptionist: Does he have Alzheimer's?
- David Grant: No, he just believes what people tell him.
- Receptionist: That's too bad.
- Kate Grant: [looking at graves] There's Woody's little sister, Rose. She was only nineteen when she was killed in a car wreck near Wausa. What a whore!
- David Grant: Mom!
- Kate Grant: Nah, I liked Rose, but my God, she was a slut.
- David Grant: C'mon...
- Kate Grant: I'm just telling you the truth!
- David Grant: Where's your family?
- Kate Grant: Oh, they're over in the Catholic cemetery. Catholics wouldn't be caught dead around all these damn Lutherans.
- [Approaches another tombstone]
- Kate Grant: Here's Delmer, Woody's cousin, he was a drunk. One time we were wrestling and he felt me up. Grabbed a handful of boob and Woody was right there and didn't have a clue, did ya Woody?
- David Grant: Dad, why didn't you tell us that wasn't Ed's house?
- Woody Grant: I didn't know what the hell you were doing.
- Ross Grant: Have you ever seen us steal machinery before?
- Woody Grant: I never know what you boys are up to.
- Ross Grant: Why didn't you say it wasn't yours?
- Woody Grant: I thought you wanted it.
- Ross Grant: What would we want an old compressor for?
- Woody Grant: That's what I couldn't figure out.
- David Grant: ...and all your brothers are coming over today, remember?
- Woody Grant: Some of 'em are dead.
- David Grant: The dead ones won't be here.
- Kate Grant: That's Ed Pegram singing.
- Ed Pegram: And his momma cried, cause if there's one thing that she don't need, it's another hungry mouth to feed... in the ghetto. people don't ya understand...
- Kate Grant: He always did have a nice voice. It was the only nice thing about that bastard.
- Woody Grant: It's all right.
- Kate Grant: All right? Did you know... he was always trying to get into my bloomers?
- David Grant: Jesus mom. Was the whole town trying to seduce you?
- Kate Grant: [upon learning Woody has "won" a million dollars] I never knew the son of a bitch even wanted to be a millionaire! He should have thought about that years ago and worked for it!
- David Grant: Oh. Okay. Dad, I found it. Here it is.
- [Runs up holding partial]
- David Grant: Oh. Wait. This isn't yours.
- Woody Grant: [Goes back to looking]
- David Grant: I was kidding. Here.
- [Hands it over]
- Woody Grant: [Examines it] These ain't mine.
- David Grant: Of course they're yours.
- Woody Grant: No.
- David Grant: Whose else is it going to be? See if it fits.
- Woody Grant: They're not my teeth.
- David Grant: They have to be.
- Woody Grant: I ought to know my own teeth.
- David Grant: [Walks off]
- Woody Grant: Of course they're my teeth. Don't be a moron.
- David Grant: Hey Dad, you finally got your compressor back.
- Woody Grant: That's not my compressor.
- David Grant: Sure it is.
- Woody Grant: Mine didn't look anything like that.
- David Grant: It has to be yours. It's an old compressor we found in Ed Pegram's barn.
- Woody Grant: That wasn't Ed's barn.
- Aunt Betty: Now Kate, we only want what's fair and what's fair is if Woody lends us back some money.
- Kate Grant: You can all go fuck yourselves!
- Aunt Flo: Martha, where's Bart and Cole?
- Aunt Martha: Oh, they're off doing some volunteer work picking up trash off the streets.
- Kate Grant: It's community service; for Bart's rape.
- Aunt Martha: Sexual assault!
- Kate Grant: What's the difference?
- Aunt Martha: A huge difference... it's... well... the boys can explain it to you better than I can...
- Kate Grant: Keith White. He wanted in my pants, too. But he was so boring.
- [Kate lifts her dress and flashes a tombstone]
- Kate Grant: See what you could have, Keith, if you hadn't talked about wheat all the time.
- David Grant: How did you and mom end up getting married?
- Woody Grant: She wanted to.
- David Grant: And you didn't?
- Woody Grant: I figured, what the hell.
- David Grant: Were you ever sorry you married her?
- Woody Grant: All the time.
- Kate Grant: Why do you want meatloaf if it isn't even on the dinner menu?
- Woody Grant: 'cause I like it.
- Waitress: What can I get you?
- Woody Grant: Do you have any meatloaf?
- Waitress: No, that's only part of our lunch specials.
- Kate Grant: He'll have the chicken.
- Waitress: Fried or grilled?
- Woody Grant: ...fried.
- Kate Grant: He'll have it grilled. I think I'd like the roast beef, but I'm not entirely sure. What do you recommend?
- Waitress: Everything's all good ma'am, but I especially like the tilapia.
- Kate Grant: Oh, then I'll have the roast beef.
- David Grant: ...I'll have the tilapia.
- David Grant: So, what do you think, dad?
- Woody Grant: It doesn't look finished to me.
- David Grant: How do you mean?
- Woody Grant: [upon seeing Mount Rushmore] Well, it looks like somebody got bored doing it. Washington's the only one with any clothes, and they're just kind of roughed in. Lincoln doesn't even have an ear.
- Receptionist: [after telling Woody he hasn't won the money] I can give you a free gift. Would you like a hat or a seat cushion?
- David Grant: Dad. Do you want a hat or a seat cushion?
- Woody Grant: I'll take a hat.
- Woody Grant: This was my parents' room. I got whipped if they found me in here. I guess nobody's gonna whip me now.
- David Grant: Well, why did you have kids, then?
- Woody Grant: I like to screw, and your mother's a Catholic, so you figure it out.
- Bart: Hell, I drove up from Dallas one time. That's 850 miles, I done that in eight hours.
- David Grant: That's, like, over 100 miles an hour.
- Cole: Oh, Bart was movin'.
- David Grant: So, you told the Sheriff you were walking to Nebraska?
- Woody Grant: That's right. To get my million dollars.
- Peg Nagy: I knew I didn't have a chance anyway.
- David Grant: Yeah?
- Peg Nagy: I wouldn't let him round the bases.
- Kate Grant: My goodness, I didn't know Keith White was here. When did he die? Keith White. He wanted in my pants too, but oh, he was so boring.
- [Hearing enough, Woody and David head toward the car]
- Kate Grant: [Pulling up her dress] See what you could've had, Keith, if you hadn't talked about wheat all the time?
- Bart: We could get you to Lincoln in an hour.
- David Grant: Lincoln is over 200 miles.
- Bart: Okay, hour-and-a-half.
- Woody Grant: I won a million dollars.
- ER Doctor: Congratulations, that'll just about pay for a day in the hospital.
- Aunt Martha: Ray's foot's been bothering him. Ain't that right, Ray?
- Uncle Ray: It's okay. Just hurts.
- Bart: So, you got any other cars?
- David Grant: No. Just that one.
- Bart: What's the engine?
- David Grant: It's uh... four cylinder?
- Bart: Yeah. But, what size?
- David Grant: Oh, I don't really know.
- Cole: What's your brother drive?
- David Grant: Who, Ross?
- Cole: Yeah, what does he drive?
- David Grant: Ross has a Kia Rondo and Marcy has a Nissan Pathfinder. She carts the kids around a lot.
- Bart: So, you all got Jap cars?
- David Grant: Actually, Kia is Korean.
- Sheriff: Hey, partner.
- Sheriff: Hold on there, just a second.
- Sheriff: Where are you headed, there?
- Sheriff: Where are you headed up to?
- Sheriff: How are you doing there, bud?
- Sheriff: Huh? Are you okay?
- Sheriff: Where are you headed?
- Sheriff: You headed down the road, there, huh?
- Sheriff: (grunts)
- Sheriff: Huh?
- Sheriff: Where are you coming from?
- Woody Grant: Yeah?
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