Like Mike (2002)

Eugene Levy: Frank Bernard

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Bittleman is playing electronic chess in his van] 

  Frank Bernard : Mr. Bittleman?

  [Bittleman jumps, sending his chess game flying] 

  Frank Bernard : Playing checkers, I see.

  Stan Bittleman : [disappointed]  I was about to win.

• Frank Bernard : Here's your uniform, Calvin. Special ordered-- official shirt, short, socks, and sneakers.

  Calvin Cambridge : Uh, but I like my own sneakers.

  Frank Bernard : Oh... ours aren't good enough for the kid.

  Calvin Cambridge : No, it's nothing like that. It's just that I play better in mind.

  Frank Bernard : Play? You just have to look good.

  Calvin Cambridge : What do you mean?

  [Calvin goes to the coach's office] 

  Calvin Cambridge : Coach, may I please ask you a question?

  Coach Wagner : Sure.

  Calvin Cambridge : Coach, I have a lot of friends here tonight, and, uh... I was just wondering... wondering am I here to play, or am I just here for show?

  Coach Wagner : Calvin, I'm gonna be straight with you. You were hired tonight just to increase attendance, not to play.

  Calvin Cambridge : Man...

  Coach Wagner : But... I saw the tape of that halftime show you put on. You got some game. I am honored to have you on my team.

  Calvin Cambridge : Thanks, coach.

  Coach Wagner : You bet.

• Stan Bittleman : Okay, let me get this straight. You guys want to have Calvin play for the Knights?

  Frank Bernard : Right.

  Stan Bittleman : Why?

  Coach Wagner : I've been coaching 35 years. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.

  Frank Bernard : Well, you didn't see him play at halftime.

  [They turn to look at Calvin] 

  Calvin Cambridge : Hey, coach.

  [Coach waves at him] 

  Coach Wagner : Hi... again.

  Calvin Cambridge : Am I'm gonna be a Knight?

  Coach Wagner : [whispering]  He's four and a half feet tall.

  Frank Bernard : I know.

  [laughs] 

  Frank Bernard : Can you imagine the press we're gonna get? Look, coach, I know attendance is in the crapper, Ok, and I'm not averse to using the word gimmick. This is about making money.

  Stan Bittleman : I see. And speaking of money, uh...

  Frank Bernard : Ah, yes, money. Mr. Bittleman, I'm prepared to make you an offer of $5,000 for a one-day contract.

  Stan Bittleman : Ah... well. Uh, seeing that, um, I'm Calvin's guardian, uh... I do have to make certain that nobody takes advantage of him.

  Coach Wagner : You mean except for you?

  Stan Bittleman : Hey, I resent that.

  Frank Bernard : Uh, Mr. Bittleman, uh, perhaps, uh, perhaps, uh... an extra, uh, $2,500 might help, uh, ease your worries.

  Stan Bittleman : Deal.

  Frank Bernard : Good.

  Stan Bittleman : I always knew that there was something special about Calvin.

• [the Knights are going over a play during a time out] 

  Coach Wagner : Okay guys, defense first

  [Calvin tries to to look and see what's going on] 

  Calvin Cambridge : What?

  Coach Wagner : They are killing us on the wings. Drop out of the zone and play an aggressive man to man.

  Calvin Cambridge : [trying to squeeze in]  Come on guys. It's not funny.

  Coach Wagner : Same assignment as before. Now, offense. Is there any play that's gonna work for us tonight?

  [Calvin manages the squeeze through and pops up] 

  Calvin Cambridge : I have an idea.

  Tracey Reynolds : Oh, man.

  Calvin Cambridge : I've been watching, and they're vulnerable from the weak side, especially to a pick set away from the hoop. Why don't we run the give-and-give-and-go?

  Marvin Joad : You mean the give-and-go?

  Calvin Cambridge : No, see, they'll be expecting that. Have Tracy feed the ball to Henderson. Henderson's gonna feed the ball to Joad. Joad's gonna pass it back to Tracy. As Henderson sets the pick, Tracy's gonna take the shot.

  Coach Wagner : I like it.

  Tracey Reynolds : Oh, no. No. I'm not gonna run some play by some snotty-nosed kid, man.

  Henderson : Damn straight, coach.

  Coach Wagner : Fine. Henderson, you're out. Tracy, you take Henderson's slot. Calvin, you take the shot.

  Calvin Cambridge : What?

  [Calvin realizes that he's not wearing his sneakers] 

  Frank Bernard : Have you lost your mind?

  Coach Wagner : You said I could play anybody I want.

  Frank Bernard : Yeah, well, I didn't mean him.

  Coach Wagner : Am I the coach or not?

  Frank Bernard : You are. For now.