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P. Kirby's Reviews > The Goblin Emperor
The Goblin Emperor (The Chronicles of Osreth, #1)
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P. Kirby's review
bookshelves: did-not-finish, fairies-fey, fantasy, over-rated, i-want-my-money-back
Jan 21, 2016
bookshelves: did-not-finish, fairies-fey, fantasy, over-rated, i-want-my-money-back
Hi. My name is Maia and I'm a prince, not a princess. Stop saying that Maia is a girl's name! This is fantasy and your gender norms don't apply.
I'm sorry. Did I sound terse? I apologize. I'm very good at apologizing.
I'm the fourth son of the emperor of elfland. My father hates me because my mom was a goblin, so I live in the the middle of nowhere, isolated from the rest of the royal court. My mom died when I was young and I've been raised by my cruel mentor/cousin, who hates me. Bad people hate me; that's how you know they are bad.
Anyway, if you're thinking this is the standard orphan rises from obscurity to a great destiny trope, you're wrong. My dad is totally alive....oops...nope, now he's dead. And now I'm the emperor of elfland.
Everyone now calls me Serenity and I hate it because I'm very humble and kind. Much of my story will be about what an emperor wears, in microscopic detail, right down to the rings on my fingers. (And the veils I wear, because men totally wear veils in this world. Don't be sexist!) And complex politics and manners. And unpronounceable names. Pay attention, or you might get lost. What? You think that's boring? Only boring people get bored.
I'm sorry, strike that last sentence. That was rude. I apologize. I'm very good at apologizing, even now that I'm emperor and have to call myself "we." Because we are kind. We are literally going to kill them with kindness. Well, not "kill" because that would be rude.
Are you picking up another book? Really? But there are still 300 more pages of me, I mean, we (or is it "us"?) being super nice, and totally antithetical to today's grimdark fantasy. Our story will be refreshing and wonderful. (No battles or magic, because who needs magic in fantasy?) Hugo and Nebula voters can't be wrong.
Fine. Be that way. Hater! You must be a bad person because you don't like me, we, us...whatever.
I'm sorry, that was unkind.
(DNF at page 121.)
I'm sorry. Did I sound terse? I apologize. I'm very good at apologizing.
I'm the fourth son of the emperor of elfland. My father hates me because my mom was a goblin, so I live in the the middle of nowhere, isolated from the rest of the royal court. My mom died when I was young and I've been raised by my cruel mentor/cousin, who hates me. Bad people hate me; that's how you know they are bad.
Anyway, if you're thinking this is the standard orphan rises from obscurity to a great destiny trope, you're wrong. My dad is totally alive....oops...nope, now he's dead. And now I'm the emperor of elfland.
Everyone now calls me Serenity and I hate it because I'm very humble and kind. Much of my story will be about what an emperor wears, in microscopic detail, right down to the rings on my fingers. (And the veils I wear, because men totally wear veils in this world. Don't be sexist!) And complex politics and manners. And unpronounceable names. Pay attention, or you might get lost. What? You think that's boring? Only boring people get bored.
I'm sorry, strike that last sentence. That was rude. I apologize. I'm very good at apologizing, even now that I'm emperor and have to call myself "we." Because we are kind. We are literally going to kill them with kindness. Well, not "kill" because that would be rude.
Are you picking up another book? Really? But there are still 300 more pages of me, I mean, we (or is it "us"?) being super nice, and totally antithetical to today's grimdark fantasy. Our story will be refreshing and wonderful. (No battles or magic, because who needs magic in fantasy?) Hugo and Nebula voters can't be wrong.
Fine. Be that way. Hater! You must be a bad person because you don't like me, we, us...whatever.
I'm sorry, that was unkind.
(DNF at page 121.)
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Reading Progress
December 30, 2015
–
3.59%
"Boring. Did I say "boring?" I meant, a slowly unfolding story of an unlikely king in a meticulously fashioned fantasy world. In other words, boring."
page
16
January 4, 2016
–
18.83%
"Oy vey, this thing is slooooow. Like a little old lady (who can barely see over the steering wheel) driving a big car to church."
page
84
January 7, 2016
–
23.32%
"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, politics and clothing and manners. So far, it's pretty much standard Hugo-nom fare. Pretty sentences but not much there. Zzzzz."
page
104
January 21, 2016
–
Started Reading
January 21, 2016
–
27.13%
"At this point, I'm determined to finish this so as to silence the fanboys/girls who will whine, "But you can't review the book if you didn't finish it." But this thing is duller than an old chain saw that's been left out in the rain. Nice protagonist is nice. ZZZZZzzzzzzz."
page
121
January 21, 2016
– Shelved
January 21, 2016
–
27.13%
"Argh. Mistakening marked this tedious dreck as finish and gave it 5-stars. Uh, no, still slogging through it."
page
121
January 22, 2016
– Shelved as:
did-not-finish
January 22, 2016
– Shelved as:
fairies-fey
January 22, 2016
– Shelved as:
fantasy
January 22, 2016
– Shelved as:
over-rated
January 22, 2016
–
Finished Reading
February 15, 2018
– Shelved as:
i-want-my-money-back
Comments Showing 1-5 of 5 (5 new)
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by
elmo
(new)
Jun 11, 2016 09:20AM
Love the sarcasm - my feelings exactly. Spot on review!
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Aou should have written the whole review in the majestic plural 😂 would have been hilarious
This is the best review I've read about a book I also DNF'd. It's hot garbage. No idea what all the praise was about. And I always love loving a book so I went in with a big open heart. But nope. Nope nope. Not for me. Spot on review.
You're diminishing my expectations for this book ... which is probably good! I'll come back and read your full review after I make some progress in this.
hahahaha that was a spot-on good review
