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If He Had Been with Me #2
If Only I Had Told Her
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Young Adult Fiction (2024)If only I’d told her that I loved her years ago, then I wouldn’t be here now.
Finn has always loved Autumn. She’s not just the girl next door or his mother’s best friend’s daughter, she is his everything. But she’s not his girlfriend. That’s Sylvie, and Finn would never hurt her, so there’s no way Autumn could know how he truly feels.
Jack, Finn’s best friend, isn’t so sure. He’s seen Finn and Autumn together. How could she not know? And how is he supposed to support and protect Finn when heartache seems inevitable?
Autumn surrounds herself with books and wants to write her own destiny—but one doesn’t always get a new chapter and fate can be cruel to those in love.
Told through three different perspectives, If Only I Had Told Her is a love story brimming with truth, tragedy, and unexpected bonds that heal us.
Finn has always loved Autumn. She’s not just the girl next door or his mother’s best friend’s daughter, she is his everything. But she’s not his girlfriend. That’s Sylvie, and Finn would never hurt her, so there’s no way Autumn could know how he truly feels.
Jack, Finn’s best friend, isn’t so sure. He’s seen Finn and Autumn together. How could she not know? And how is he supposed to support and protect Finn when heartache seems inevitable?
Autumn surrounds herself with books and wants to write her own destiny—but one doesn’t always get a new chapter and fate can be cruel to those in love.
Told through three different perspectives, If Only I Had Told Her is a love story brimming with truth, tragedy, and unexpected bonds that heal us.
416 pages, Paperback
First published February 6, 2024
About the author
Laura Nowlin
7 books6,575 followersLaura Nowlin holds a B.A. in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing from Missouri State University. . In addition to being ambitious writer Laura is also an avid reader who believes that books allow her to live many lives in one lifetime. When she isn’t at home agonizing over her own novels Laura works at the public library where the patrons give her plenty of inspiration for her writing. She lives in St. Louis with her musician husband, neurotic dog, and psychotic cat.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 15,080 reviews
Want to read
December 8, 2022STFU
ik I’ll be sobbing 😔
ik I’ll be sobbing 😔
Want to read
December 8, 2022i can’t wait to suffer more than i already have!
February 10, 2024
3.75 stars!!! I missed these characters so much!
December 17, 2024
kinda disappointed? idk
November 28, 2024
miss laura…unwrite this book right now. as a matter of fact, unwrite BOTH. this reopened wounds that haven’t even healed. in another life, i never found these books and remained happy.
Want to read
December 8, 2022LAURA NOWLIN WHAT IS THIS
Want to read
December 9, 2022ready for mental health to decline
February 10, 2024
i need more closure
8/12/2022:
THIS IS CRIMINAL.
i am not emotionally stable to read this.
8/12/2022:
THIS IS CRIMINAL.
i am not emotionally stable to read this.
March 17, 2024
→4.5✰
⤿spoilers are marked!
thank u to bsf syd for listening to my endless ranting 😽 i miss u and i love u infinitely 💌
thoughts. this book was both exactly what i needed and exactly the thing that would be my breaking point. it put my heart back together (temporarily), then turned it inside out, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, crumpled it like a piece of paper, and then smoothed it out. my heart won't ever be the same as it was before autumn and finny. also alexis aggravated me 🥰 and sylvie's not too badnever ever thought i would say that also imagine if laura nowlin wrote a book of like just finny and autumn's memories from their childhood. i would pay good money for that
this book is split into three parts: finny, jack, and autumn. which would have been great to know before hand bcuz i genuinely thought this book would be all finny 🤧 i was disappointed at first but it pays off
finny. (spoilers for if he had been with me !!) words cannot express how much i love this man. he deserved everything, and i'm mad at laura nowlin for doing what she did. i am 99.99% convinced that it didn't have to happen and we could have gotten a sweet little sequel where autumn and finny are happy and they stay together forever and ever. he was so in love with autumn and it hurt to read his part bcuz wtf. and i knew it was coming too. he's such a sweetheart. HE DIDN'T HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE STUPID CAR AND PUT HIS HAND IN THAT STUPID PUDDLE. if his hand was like a couple inches or maybe centimeters away from that water he wouldn't have you know. and the way he kept that pencil for that girl bcuz she was always losing hers (if ykyk)
jack. (spoilers for if he had been with me !!) i adored how much more depth we get in this book. when i first read if he had been with me i thought that jack would be one of those jocks who doesn't give a fuck about anyone or anything other than partying. but here we learn about how finny was genuinely his very best friend and probably the realest and most caring person he knew. the thing that stuck out to me the most while reading jack's part was how hard he grieved. i'm not going to go into too much depth bcuz i suck at explaining things so i'll probably end up rambling 😭
autumn. her sadness rubbed off on me
quotes. (spoilers !!)
⊹ "books are autumn's real life. she is made of the stories she has read."
⤿ honestly real
⊹ "if only i'd told her that i loved her years ago, i wouldn't be here now."
⊹ “i’ve seen her finish a novel, pause staring off into space for a minute like she’s receiving instructions, and then open another book. it’s as if her job is to read and she’s behind on her quota.”
⊹ “this baby isn't what's left over from our love story. this baby is our story's continuation.”
⊹“but that doesn’t make doing this without him any easier. so this is where i live, in a place where every shade of joy must be painted over in the black of finny’s death, muted to the gray of willfully existing.”
˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖
pre-review
well that was something
rtc !!
˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖
pre-read
aftera year YEARS of waiting, i finally have this in my hands!! can't wait for my heart to break all over again <3
⤿spoilers are marked!
thank u to bsf syd for listening to my endless ranting 😽 i miss u and i love u infinitely 💌
🥀‧₊˚ "like, fairy-tale love? cartoon character with hearts floating all around him? or a movie montage with the best song? that's what you were to him. you were the biggest, most impossible dream for him."
thoughts. this book was both exactly what i needed and exactly the thing that would be my breaking point. it put my heart back together (temporarily), then turned it inside out, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, crumpled it like a piece of paper, and then smoothed it out. my heart won't ever be the same as it was before autumn and finny. also alexis aggravated me 🥰 and sylvie's not too bad
this book is split into three parts: finny, jack, and autumn. which would have been great to know before hand bcuz i genuinely thought this book would be all finny 🤧 i was disappointed at first but it pays off
finny. (spoilers for if he had been with me !!) words cannot express how much i love this man. he deserved everything, and i'm mad at laura nowlin for doing what she did. i am 99.99% convinced that it didn't have to happen and we could have gotten a sweet little sequel where autumn and finny are happy and they stay together forever and ever. he was so in love with autumn and it hurt to read his part bcuz wtf. and i knew it was coming too. he's such a sweetheart. HE DIDN'T HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE STUPID CAR AND PUT HIS HAND IN THAT STUPID PUDDLE. if his hand was like a couple inches or maybe centimeters away from that water he wouldn't have you know. and the way he kept that pencil for that girl bcuz she was always losing hers (if ykyk)
🥀‧₊˚ "my devotion to autumn is engraved in my very being. i am in awe of her. i will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. i know i will always love her in the same way i know i'll always need oxygen."
jack. (spoilers for if he had been with me !!) i adored how much more depth we get in this book. when i first read if he had been with me i thought that jack would be one of those jocks who doesn't give a fuck about anyone or anything other than partying. but here we learn about how finny was genuinely his very best friend and probably the realest and most caring person he knew. the thing that stuck out to me the most while reading jack's part was how hard he grieved. i'm not going to go into too much depth bcuz i suck at explaining things so i'll probably end up rambling 😭
🥀‧₊˚ "it matters which people you spend time with, and it matters how you spend your time, because you don't know how much you have."
autumn. her sadness rubbed off on me
🥀‧₊˚ "when you're reading a book and you can't focus, ask yourself, 'how much is the writer's fault, and how much is mine?' be honest. that's how you'll know if you should set it aside forever or for a few hours."
quotes. (spoilers !!)
⊹ "books are autumn's real life. she is made of the stories she has read."
⤿ honestly real
⊹ "if only i'd told her that i loved her years ago, i wouldn't be here now."
⊹ “i’ve seen her finish a novel, pause staring off into space for a minute like she’s receiving instructions, and then open another book. it’s as if her job is to read and she’s behind on her quota.”
⊹ “this baby isn't what's left over from our love story. this baby is our story's continuation.”
⊹“but that doesn’t make doing this without him any easier. so this is where i live, in a place where every shade of joy must be painted over in the black of finny’s death, muted to the gray of willfully existing.”
˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖
pre-review
well that was something
rtc !!
˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖
pre-read
after
February 8, 2024
If only I'd told her that I loved her years ago, then I wouldn't be here now.
this broke me even more than the first book.
i will say at first i was hating it, i loved finny in the first book but getting his pov and hearing him justify some of his decisions…like i couldn’t support it. like finnautumn should’ve been a thing yes but i felt like a simple phone call could’ve done it before the entire situation had gone as far as it did (i’m keeping this spoiler free as possible so im being super vague) it honestly just annoyed me hearing him think whatever he was doing and dragging along was okay, i really wish she would’ve wrote that better imo
then we get to the end of book one and i was so destroyed i couldn’t even handle it, idk why i thought maybe the author would switch up and say sike and give us a different plot? NO SHE DIDNT. the was i kept telling myself maybe it’s just a dream? maybe it’s all wrong? but nope
this was overall heartbreaking. my heart broke for them all especially autumn but i’m honestly kinda happy with how it ended even if i had tears in my eyes. i won’t say more bc no spoilers but pls be prepared for pain if you ever read this.
Read
December 15, 2022Okay. So I have to suffer again? I would love that.
February 8, 2024
Okay??? But another ending where I get no answers 😭😭😭
I'm ready for this book to destroy me. Crying
Buddy Read with my babies Cara and Meagan 🥀❤️🩹
I'm ready for this book to destroy me. Crying
Buddy Read with my babies Cara and Meagan 🥀❤️🩹
Read
December 30, 2022Laura if your reading this… please rewrite it and make him stay alive, I beg you please!!!!!! You have the power too I know you can, please!!!!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 11, 2024
rtc
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pre-review: i’m ready to cry
────────
pre-review: i’m ready to cry
Currently reading
July 22, 2023*emotional damage*
December 8, 2022
IM GOING TO THROW UP!! FINNYAUTUMN IS COMING HOME OMG
imagining all these scenes in finny's pov i-
imagining all these scenes in finny's pov i-
December 1, 2024
“She's made of the stories she has read.”
hey guys, guess who it is 🤗
I haven't read a book in a long time now, which is very disappointing, but I'm trying to fill the void by writing a review for a book I read a while back, and hope I can remember all the feelings I had reading it so that it'll convince me to continue reading the books I'm 'reading' right now
Plot
When I first heard about this book, I didn't really think I'd want to read it since I didn't really like the first book, but I did end up reading this after finding the B&N exclusive and being like 'y'know what? I'll give it a chance' and I'm glad I did, because it made me reread If He Had Been With Me, which I did enjoy a little bit more the second time around, but not as much.
This book did feel like slight filler. The first like 150 pages were just Finny's POV of the first book, which I honestly didn't really like that much, because I didn't get this book to read Finny's POV of the ending that was already heart-wrenching enough, I just didn't care to read the whole thing again from Finny's perspective. I would've been more excited if I'd actually enjoyed the first book more, so I'm sure that made some people happy.
I liked the fact that there were different point of views throughout the book, the first being Finny's, then Jack's, and then Autumn's. My favorite was Jack's, because it was a character we didn't know much about, and we got more insight onto who he is and how he was handling the events of the first book.
Autumn's wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, since I didn't really like her in the first book, but her POV was so sad and gutting, being in her head after everything, and watching her struggle.
Finny's, as I said, was a bit boring and went on for too long, but the END of his perspective right up until the very end was awful and I hated it. Not in a bad way, but in the way that it made me want to tear my hair out because it was so sad.
What I do wish had happened was for Sylvie to get a perspective, or at least a chapter. It would've been so interesting to hear what was going on in her head, or even be in her head during the accident, I just feel like it would've fleshed out her character more and let us understand her.
“I know I will always love her in the same way I know I'll always need oxygen.”
The Characters
Autumn is always a complicated character for me, because I hated her in the first book, which I know is bad, but I just couldn't handle her, but during this book, I just felt awful. I did read it a few months ago, so I can't remember everything, but I thought that her pain was written very well and authentically, and it probably made me tear up a lot.
I loved learning about Jack, since I don't think he was really as present in the first book, and just the fact that we were basically getting to know him for the first time was really nice. But oh my gosh his POV crushed me. It was just so heartbreaking and sad, which this whole book really was. Just a whole book of sadness.
“We are all dead bodies that haven’t died yet.”
I'm not gonna put in a romance section like I usually do for obvious reasons, but I will say that according to my updates, something involving romance happens at the end, which I think I remember a bit and I didn't like it at all. Books like this that take place after a tragedy I feel just like shouldn't have romance in them, I don't know. ESPECIALLY if it's between the two people I remember it possibly being in between.
<><><><><><><>
Anywhoooo, I did enjoy this book, I don't really know if I did as much as the first, but I did like it. Thanks for reading this trash review that I'm writing in November after first reading this in September, also my first full review written in a long time 😭
4 stars
“If I had known.
If I had only known.
Things would have been different.
That place still hurts.
That place can't forgive.”
<><><><><><><>
guys i read another book 😛 and i actually enjoyed it a lot more than i thought i would. my ratings are all a little mixed up, because currently i have this book rated higher than the previous, which i guess could be the case, but is this book really 4 stars worthy? i did have a much easier time reading this than the first one because it wasn't as angsty i guess 😭 anyways, i still enjoyed this and jack and autumn's povs destroyed me
rtc
<><><><><><><>
i had no idea this existed but all i know is that it's going to be painful
hey guys, guess who it is 🤗
I haven't read a book in a long time now, which is very disappointing, but I'm trying to fill the void by writing a review for a book I read a while back, and hope I can remember all the feelings I had reading it so that it'll convince me to continue reading the books I'm 'reading' right now
Plot
When I first heard about this book, I didn't really think I'd want to read it since I didn't really like the first book, but I did end up reading this after finding the B&N exclusive and being like 'y'know what? I'll give it a chance' and I'm glad I did, because it made me reread If He Had Been With Me, which I did enjoy a little bit more the second time around, but not as much.
This book did feel like slight filler. The first like 150 pages were just Finny's POV of the first book, which I honestly didn't really like that much, because I didn't get this book to read Finny's POV of the ending that was already heart-wrenching enough, I just didn't care to read the whole thing again from Finny's perspective. I would've been more excited if I'd actually enjoyed the first book more, so I'm sure that made some people happy.
I liked the fact that there were different point of views throughout the book, the first being Finny's, then Jack's, and then Autumn's. My favorite was Jack's, because it was a character we didn't know much about, and we got more insight onto who he is and how he was handling the events of the first book.
Autumn's wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, since I didn't really like her in the first book, but her POV was so sad and gutting, being in her head after everything, and watching her struggle.
Finny's, as I said, was a bit boring and went on for too long, but the END of his perspective right up until the very end was awful and I hated it. Not in a bad way, but in the way that it made me want to tear my hair out because it was so sad.
What I do wish had happened was for Sylvie to get a perspective, or at least a chapter. It would've been so interesting to hear what was going on in her head, or even be in her head during the accident, I just feel like it would've fleshed out her character more and let us understand her.
“I know I will always love her in the same way I know I'll always need oxygen.”
The Characters
Autumn is always a complicated character for me, because I hated her in the first book, which I know is bad, but I just couldn't handle her, but during this book, I just felt awful. I did read it a few months ago, so I can't remember everything, but I thought that her pain was written very well and authentically, and it probably made me tear up a lot.
I loved learning about Jack, since I don't think he was really as present in the first book, and just the fact that we were basically getting to know him for the first time was really nice. But oh my gosh his POV crushed me. It was just so heartbreaking and sad, which this whole book really was. Just a whole book of sadness.
“We are all dead bodies that haven’t died yet.”
I'm not gonna put in a romance section like I usually do for obvious reasons, but I will say that according to my updates, something involving romance happens at the end, which I think I remember a bit and I didn't like it at all. Books like this that take place after a tragedy I feel just like shouldn't have romance in them, I don't know. ESPECIALLY if it's between the two people I remember it possibly being in between.
<><><><><><><>
Anywhoooo, I did enjoy this book, I don't really know if I did as much as the first, but I did like it. Thanks for reading this trash review that I'm writing in November after first reading this in September, also my first full review written in a long time 😭
4 stars
“If I had known.
If I had only known.
Things would have been different.
That place still hurts.
That place can't forgive.”
<><><><><><><>
guys i read another book 😛 and i actually enjoyed it a lot more than i thought i would. my ratings are all a little mixed up, because currently i have this book rated higher than the previous, which i guess could be the case, but is this book really 4 stars worthy? i did have a much easier time reading this than the first one because it wasn't as angsty i guess 😭 anyways, i still enjoyed this and jack and autumn's povs destroyed me
rtc
<><><><><><><>
i had no idea this existed but all i know is that it's going to be painful
February 23, 2024
honestly idk how to feel about this book. felt a little unnecessary?? the first one was wayyy better. i enjoyed reading the characters again but it felt redundant - kinda disappointed
Want to read
December 9, 2022EVERYONE AND THEIR MOM WOKE UP FOR THIS
February 9, 2024
જ⁀➴ 4.8 ⭐️
જ⁀➴ soooooo, I have to admit, at the start of the book, I felt very confused 🤨. the book starts off at a weird spot, and you have to read the first book to truly understand everything. there were periods where it switched to past without any warning, which is why the book was confusing 🙁. but overtime it definitely made more sense to me.
°˖➴ this book has three point of views. Finny, Jack (finnys best friend) and Autumn. I have to admit, having three point of views in books is a BLESSING to me. I love seeing other characters perspectives in books 😋😋😋.
જ⁀➴ now finnys point of view was complex to me. especially with the whole sylvie thing, iykyk. but it definitely picked up towards the end of his chapter. I didn’t exactly like how finny and autumn’s relationship began well before.. yeah. but that’s the only issue I really can pick out.
જ⁀➴ but Jacks point of view made me sob twice. yes, I mean actually tears rolling down my face. this book is definitely more heavier than the first book, so be prepared to bring your tissues. his perspective was entertaining at times, but there were some chapters where it felt a boring. however it picked up the next chapter.
°˖➴ now autumn’s chapter was basically her getting by, I don’t want to spoil anything, again, but you do see more side characters come out in her chapter.
°˖➴ the ending left me with some unanswered questions which really kinda bugged me.. but overall it was a fantastic book!
જ⁀➴ soooooo, I have to admit, at the start of the book, I felt very confused 🤨. the book starts off at a weird spot, and you have to read the first book to truly understand everything. there were periods where it switched to past without any warning, which is why the book was confusing 🙁. but overtime it definitely made more sense to me.
°˖➴ this book has three point of views. Finny, Jack (finnys best friend) and Autumn. I have to admit, having three point of views in books is a BLESSING to me. I love seeing other characters perspectives in books 😋😋😋.
જ⁀➴ now finnys point of view was complex to me. especially with the whole sylvie thing, iykyk. but it definitely picked up towards the end of his chapter. I didn’t exactly like how finny and autumn’s relationship began well before.. yeah. but that’s the only issue I really can pick out.
જ⁀➴ but Jacks point of view made me sob twice. yes, I mean actually tears rolling down my face. this book is definitely more heavier than the first book, so be prepared to bring your tissues. his perspective was entertaining at times, but there were some chapters where it felt a boring. however it picked up the next chapter.
°˖➴ now autumn’s chapter was basically her getting by, I don’t want to spoil anything, again, but you do see more side characters come out in her chapter.
°˖➴ the ending left me with some unanswered questions which really kinda bugged me.. but overall it was a fantastic book!
December 30, 2022
IM STILL SO HEART BROKEN FROM IF HE HAD BEEN WITH ME. IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS ONE.
March 14, 2024
♡‧₊˚ PRE-READ/REVIEW:
I might not have liked If He Had Been With Me but I am definitely always a sucker for the guy's POV.....
I might not have liked If He Had Been With Me but I am definitely always a sucker for the guy's POV.....
March 5, 2024
“𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦,” 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴. “𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥…𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦.”
reading this book was like ripping a band-aid, and this is even sadder than "if he had been with me" while the story was devastating from autumn's pov, it destroyed me from finny's pov especially because i knew that he's already dead, i was grieving and crying through the whole thing, i love finny so much, i wish he had the chance to actually be with autumn and to live but this is how the story ends doesn't it?
finny's pov made me respect sylvie so much, i was not expecting this obviously because i didn't really like her in the first book, but now i understand so much better but that doesn't make my heart hurt any less
jack's pov was just heartbreaking from every angle, i wanted to just hug him, i hoped that maybe he'll end up with autumn i really really wanted their grief to bring them together but again this is not how the story ends, finny was still alive in every character in this book (i feel like finny was my friend too and i was grieving along side them and in a way he really was), and just because i love finny doesn't mean I'm okay with what he and autumn did because it was awful and not fair to any of them (especially sylvie), so hearing his pov doesn't really justify some of his decisions.
overall this was a heartbreaking experience and i loved it.🥀
"𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦"
"𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘹𝘺𝘨𝘦𝘯."
"𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘦𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦."
"𝘴𝘺𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰."
"𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮."
"𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦?"
"𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘐’𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰, 𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦."
"𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘩, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥?”
𝘐𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘐’𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?
“𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘦𝘭”
"𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯."
“𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩"
reading this book was like ripping a band-aid, and this is even sadder than "if he had been with me" while the story was devastating from autumn's pov, it destroyed me from finny's pov especially because i knew that he's already dead, i was grieving and crying through the whole thing, i love finny so much, i wish he had the chance to actually be with autumn and to live but this is how the story ends doesn't it?
finny's pov made me respect sylvie so much, i was not expecting this obviously because i didn't really like her in the first book, but now i understand so much better but that doesn't make my heart hurt any less
jack's pov was just heartbreaking from every angle, i wanted to just hug him, i hoped that maybe he'll end up with autumn i really really wanted their grief to bring them together but again this is not how the story ends, finny was still alive in every character in this book (i feel like finny was my friend too and i was grieving along side them and in a way he really was), and just because i love finny doesn't mean I'm okay with what he and autumn did because it was awful and not fair to any of them (especially sylvie), so hearing his pov doesn't really justify some of his decisions.
overall this was a heartbreaking experience and i loved it.🥀
"𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦"
"𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘹𝘺𝘨𝘦𝘯."
"𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘦𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦."
"𝘴𝘺𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰."
"𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮."
"𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦?"
"𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘐’𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰, 𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦."
"𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘩, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥?”
𝘐𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘐’𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?
“𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘦𝘭”
"𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯."
“𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩"
November 4, 2024
Post-read review
“Not wanting to be dead isn’t quite the same as wanting to be alive. There’s a gray space in between where one knows the desire to keep breathing should lie but is coolly absent. This is the space I occupy.”
Pre-read review
can laura nowlin stop ruining my life
“Not wanting to be dead isn’t quite the same as wanting to be alive. There’s a gray space in between where one knows the desire to keep breathing should lie but is coolly absent. This is the space I occupy.”
Pre-read review
can laura nowlin stop ruining my life
July 11, 2024
･:*:･ﾟ⁀➷ 3/5 ★
I enjoyed this one enough, but it definitely isnt my fav. I understand why so many people love this series, but i think it just isn’t for me and that’s okay! 🤍🤍
➷ “If only I’d told her that I loved her years ago, I wouldn’t be here now.”
Tropes:
🥀 Childhood friends to lovers
🥀 Multi povs
🥀 Ya coming of age
I didn’t love if he had been with me, so i was a little hesitant to pick this book up, but i really wanted finny’s pov. Although i’m glad that I gave this book a try, it definitely wasn’t my favorite.
⤹ Tw: grief (graphic), suicidal thoughts, teen pregnancy
Let’s get into my thoughts! I don’t have too much to say, so don’t mind the shorter review 🧸
⚠️Also, be warned: there are some unmarked spoilers for if he had been with me, so i wouldn’t recommend reading this review unless you’ve read that book⚠️
ೃ⁀➷ What I enjoyed:
⤹ One thing i can say that I really love about this series is that it portrays tough topics in a really realistic, but accessible, way. I think the exploration of grief through all the povs in this book was done very well.
⤹ Plus i think having different povs in this book was surprisingly enjoyable! Finny’s pov honestly broke him- his love for autumn is so so precious and it’s heartbreaking that they didn’t get their happy ending 🥺🥺 Jack’s pov was definitely the saddest and honestly made me tear up so many times. Jack is such an underrated character and he deserves nothing but happiness 🫂
⤹ This book was also super easy to read! Laura Nowlin’s writing style is very simple, which makes her books SO bingeable 🤍
➷ “My devotion to Autumn is engraved on my very being. I am in awe of her. I will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. I know I will always love her in the same way I know I'll always need oxygen.”
ೃ⁀➷ What I didn’t enjoy:
⤹ Honestly, although the grief representation in this book was very good, this book existing felt a littlee unnecessary to me? This whole book felt like one very long epilogue and i also didn’t really love getting autumn’s pov again. The more i read about her, the more i don’t like her- i’m so sorry 🫣
⤹ One of the main reasons i didn’t love this book comes down to personal preference only- i don’t love super sad books. I feel like if he had been with me was nowhere near as sad as this one, bc the tragic things only happened at the very end of the book. However, there was just so much sadness and grief in this whole book, which made it very difficult for me to read. That is definitely not the book’s fault because that was the purpose and intention, but it just comes down to my personal preference 🥰🥰
➷ “Like, fairy-tale love? Cartoon character with hearts floating all around him? Or a movie montage with the best song? That's what you were to him. You were the biggest, most impossible dream for him.”
ೃ⁀➷ In conclusion:
This was honestly a good book, but I just think it was a bit too depressing for me. I would recommend if you’re looking for:
✔️ Grief representation
✔️ Very easy to read
✔️ Ya coming of age
If you want to cry, this is definitely the series for you! 🤍✨️
《 2024 Challenge: Book 75 of 115 》
･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ
ೃ⁀➷ pre-review:
➷ not my favourite, but i still enjoyed it! 🤍✨️ i can understand why so many people loved this series, i just don't think it was for me and that's okay 🥰
rtc 🧸
･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ
ೃ⁀➷ preread:
➷ time to finish this series! 🤍🤍 I didn't love if he had been with me, but i'm really excited for finny's pov 🥺
I enjoyed this one enough, but it definitely isnt my fav. I understand why so many people love this series, but i think it just isn’t for me and that’s okay! 🤍🤍
➷ “If only I’d told her that I loved her years ago, I wouldn’t be here now.”
Tropes:
🥀 Childhood friends to lovers
🥀 Multi povs
🥀 Ya coming of age
I didn’t love if he had been with me, so i was a little hesitant to pick this book up, but i really wanted finny’s pov. Although i’m glad that I gave this book a try, it definitely wasn’t my favorite.
⤹ Tw: grief (graphic), suicidal thoughts, teen pregnancy
Let’s get into my thoughts! I don’t have too much to say, so don’t mind the shorter review 🧸
⚠️Also, be warned: there are some unmarked spoilers for if he had been with me, so i wouldn’t recommend reading this review unless you’ve read that book⚠️
ೃ⁀➷ What I enjoyed:
⤹ One thing i can say that I really love about this series is that it portrays tough topics in a really realistic, but accessible, way. I think the exploration of grief through all the povs in this book was done very well.
⤹ Plus i think having different povs in this book was surprisingly enjoyable! Finny’s pov honestly broke him- his love for autumn is so so precious and it’s heartbreaking that they didn’t get their happy ending 🥺🥺 Jack’s pov was definitely the saddest and honestly made me tear up so many times. Jack is such an underrated character and he deserves nothing but happiness 🫂
⤹ This book was also super easy to read! Laura Nowlin’s writing style is very simple, which makes her books SO bingeable 🤍
➷ “My devotion to Autumn is engraved on my very being. I am in awe of her. I will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. I know I will always love her in the same way I know I'll always need oxygen.”
ೃ⁀➷ What I didn’t enjoy:
⤹ Honestly, although the grief representation in this book was very good, this book existing felt a littlee unnecessary to me? This whole book felt like one very long epilogue and i also didn’t really love getting autumn’s pov again. The more i read about her, the more i don’t like her- i’m so sorry 🫣
⤹ One of the main reasons i didn’t love this book comes down to personal preference only- i don’t love super sad books. I feel like if he had been with me was nowhere near as sad as this one, bc the tragic things only happened at the very end of the book. However, there was just so much sadness and grief in this whole book, which made it very difficult for me to read. That is definitely not the book’s fault because that was the purpose and intention, but it just comes down to my personal preference 🥰🥰
➷ “Like, fairy-tale love? Cartoon character with hearts floating all around him? Or a movie montage with the best song? That's what you were to him. You were the biggest, most impossible dream for him.”
ೃ⁀➷ In conclusion:
This was honestly a good book, but I just think it was a bit too depressing for me. I would recommend if you’re looking for:
✔️ Grief representation
✔️ Very easy to read
✔️ Ya coming of age
If you want to cry, this is definitely the series for you! 🤍✨️
《 2024 Challenge: Book 75 of 115 》
･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ
ೃ⁀➷ pre-review:
➷ not my favourite, but i still enjoyed it! 🤍✨️ i can understand why so many people loved this series, i just don't think it was for me and that's okay 🥰
rtc 🧸
･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ･:*:･ﾟ
ೃ⁀➷ preread:
➷ time to finish this series! 🤍🤍 I didn't love if he had been with me, but i'm really excited for finny's pov 🥺
December 11, 2022
im not mentally stable enough for this but im still gonna read it bc i’d do anything for finny & autumn
May 14, 2024
╰┈➤3.5 stars 🥀🖤
❝𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞. 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧, 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐬 ❝𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧❞ 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐡 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞. 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐟 𝐚 𝐩𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.❞
This conclusion to the If He Had Been With Me series was undoubtedly just as heartbreaking as the first. But somehow reading over the tragedy the second time crippled me. Reading this book was similar to rewatching your favorite movie, hoping for a different ending. Although it is resolute in your mind that the ending, although tragic and desolate, is set in stone. Knowing that, keep in mind I was screaming at the characters, begging them to use their below average amount of common sense, and closing the book when they imprudently ignored me.
This book was perhaps my most highly anticipated of the year, and needless to say because of this, I was mildly disappointed in a few aspects. When I read the first book over a year ago, I praised it and it became my prime focal point, my obsession. Regardless of the fact that many thought it was the epitome of a cliché TikTok hyper fixation. Despite the predictability and somewhat childish writing. In the moment, If He Had Been With Me was unprecedented because I had nothing to compare it to, no books that could have left a resounding impact on me and my point of view. But I have learned over time that what I enjoy reading now shouldn't negatively affect those that I have read in the past, because ultimately, in the past I was an entirely different reader. If He Had Been With Me is still held close to my heart, because of how it embedded itself into my heart at a youthful age.
❝𝐍𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭--𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐜𝐂𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐮𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞-𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬--𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝��𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬.❞
Although this book wasn't seamless, it still had a way of grasping my heart. The emotional connections I had made internally with the characters while reading If He Had Been With Me stayed firm throughout reading this sequel. It may have even been the reason why this book resonated with me on another level. Autumn and Finny hold a beloved yet tragic place in my heart. I know their story more than I sometimes know my own, and they have contributed to the way I see the world with a more refined and observatory outlook. Relationships are clearly complicated, but they also have multiple layers and I know that no matter the ending, Autumn and Finny are aligned together. Childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers is probably one of my newfound favorite tropes.
❝𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞. 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧, 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐬 ❝𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧❞ 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐡 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞. 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐟 𝐚 𝐩𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.❞
This conclusion to the If He Had Been With Me series was undoubtedly just as heartbreaking as the first. But somehow reading over the tragedy the second time crippled me. Reading this book was similar to rewatching your favorite movie, hoping for a different ending. Although it is resolute in your mind that the ending, although tragic and desolate, is set in stone. Knowing that, keep in mind I was screaming at the characters, begging them to use their below average amount of common sense, and closing the book when they imprudently ignored me.
This book was perhaps my most highly anticipated of the year, and needless to say because of this, I was mildly disappointed in a few aspects. When I read the first book over a year ago, I praised it and it became my prime focal point, my obsession. Regardless of the fact that many thought it was the epitome of a cliché TikTok hyper fixation. Despite the predictability and somewhat childish writing. In the moment, If He Had Been With Me was unprecedented because I had nothing to compare it to, no books that could have left a resounding impact on me and my point of view. But I have learned over time that what I enjoy reading now shouldn't negatively affect those that I have read in the past, because ultimately, in the past I was an entirely different reader. If He Had Been With Me is still held close to my heart, because of how it embedded itself into my heart at a youthful age.
❝𝐍𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭--𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐜𝐂𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐮𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞-𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬--𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝��𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬.❞
Although this book wasn't seamless, it still had a way of grasping my heart. The emotional connections I had made internally with the characters while reading If He Had Been With Me stayed firm throughout reading this sequel. It may have even been the reason why this book resonated with me on another level. Autumn and Finny hold a beloved yet tragic place in my heart. I know their story more than I sometimes know my own, and they have contributed to the way I see the world with a more refined and observatory outlook. Relationships are clearly complicated, but they also have multiple layers and I know that no matter the ending, Autumn and Finny are aligned together. Childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers is probably one of my newfound favorite tropes.
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