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I'm Just Saying: A Guide to Maintaining Civil Discourse in an Increasingly Divided World
A straightforward look at the history and the art of maintaining courteous communication in an increasingly divided world.
Have you ever been in a conversation that, after volleying back and forth, ended with the words, “I’m just saying . . .”? Usually, this signals frustration, that the discussion has reached a dead end, that you haven’t made your point, and may even leave you feeling that your relationship with the other person has changed for the worse. Digital interactions, devoid of nuance and understanding, further complicate discussion. We may believe that we are superior because our opinions are the “right” ones, and in the future avoid conversations with those whose opinions differ from ours, sending us into a never-ending echo chamber.
In I’m Just Saying, author Milan Kordestani shows us that although challenging conversations can be unpleasant, they can also help us grow. Sometimes, people inspire us to change how we speak, making us better communicators in the process as we search to find common ground with those with whom we disagree. Kordestani uses contemporary case studies and personal experience to teach readers how to have constructive conversations by engaging in civil discourse—the idea that good-faith actors can reach consensus on any opinion-based disagreement. He discusses influential leaders and reflects on his successes and failures in creating The Doe, an online publication focused on civil discourse. He addresses the challenges that digital media consumption presents when seeking common ground—especially when people are only digitally connected.
Civil discourse, an essential part of democracy, is becoming rare in today's digital age. I’m Just Saying examines discourse's successes and the ways to rebuild it. Drawing from history, popular culture, and personal anecdotes, the book promotes effective civil discourse by providing practical advice and strategies for respect. Through story, I’m Just Saying offers insight and tools for politeness in a divided world.
Have you ever been in a conversation that, after volleying back and forth, ended with the words, “I’m just saying . . .”? Usually, this signals frustration, that the discussion has reached a dead end, that you haven’t made your point, and may even leave you feeling that your relationship with the other person has changed for the worse. Digital interactions, devoid of nuance and understanding, further complicate discussion. We may believe that we are superior because our opinions are the “right” ones, and in the future avoid conversations with those whose opinions differ from ours, sending us into a never-ending echo chamber.
In I’m Just Saying, author Milan Kordestani shows us that although challenging conversations can be unpleasant, they can also help us grow. Sometimes, people inspire us to change how we speak, making us better communicators in the process as we search to find common ground with those with whom we disagree. Kordestani uses contemporary case studies and personal experience to teach readers how to have constructive conversations by engaging in civil discourse—the idea that good-faith actors can reach consensus on any opinion-based disagreement. He discusses influential leaders and reflects on his successes and failures in creating The Doe, an online publication focused on civil discourse. He addresses the challenges that digital media consumption presents when seeking common ground—especially when people are only digitally connected.
Civil discourse, an essential part of democracy, is becoming rare in today's digital age. I’m Just Saying examines discourse's successes and the ways to rebuild it. Drawing from history, popular culture, and personal anecdotes, the book promotes effective civil discourse by providing practical advice and strategies for respect. Through story, I’m Just Saying offers insight and tools for politeness in a divided world.
268 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 28, 2023
About the author
Milan Kordestani
3 books1,448 followersMilan Kordestani is a social entrepreneur and author who advocates for common-ground solutions to systemic socioeconomic problems. Kordestani’s environmental studies background allowed him to understand humanity’s impact on earth systems and to see why societal attempts to mitigate the environmental crisis have failed. As a result, he shifted his focus to founding numerous businesses – Nota, Audo, and Guin – each of which offers a sustainable solution for a core systemic issue across civil discourse, education, and culture. Through his businesses and writing, Kordestani encourages the next generation to find solutions that drive positive societal change. He has published his perspectives on topics like civil discourse, the future of work, conscious capitalism, and the publishing industry regularly in outlets such as HuffPost, Entrepreneur, and Rolling Stone.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews
May 12, 2023
I really enjoyed how this book is all about how to hone one’s ability to become a more open communicator and hold more diverse conversations…even with people who you may not agree with. The key to doing this comes from compassion and humility even more than having all the “right answers.” As the book teaches, the point of a discussion is to understand another person’s view - not to win the argument or see who can yell the loudest! Often we become shut off from the process by only seeking to reverberate what’s been discussed in our echo chambers. By stepping outside of ourselves and realizing that we ALL have much to learn, we can make more of a difference in our communities and even the world.
The hope that this book inspires - especially in a time in which we need unity more than ever - is stellar and I hope anyone interested in achieving it will read this book and take a few tips from its pages.
The hope that this book inspires - especially in a time in which we need unity more than ever - is stellar and I hope anyone interested in achieving it will read this book and take a few tips from its pages.
May 7, 2023
this book caught my interest when the first line was about business with dealing turtles. I didn’t expect for this book to make me laugh which it quickly proved wrong. There’s even a part on finding connection through humor discourse! I really connected with the section about lack of discourse in college(& how to encourage it!), studying our tone, practicing active listening and the human connection. I have social anxiety and this book was actually very helpful in making me want to go and have hard conversations with people. I like how this also examines where social media is coming into play.
May 2, 2023
The world has become more divided & remote, that’s why communication & conversations are more important than ever before. 🗣️
In “I’m Just Saying” social entrepreneur and author Milan Kordestani shares advice on how to become a better communicator, improve your listening skills, navigate difficult conversations, and much more. 📖
In “I’m Just Saying” social entrepreneur and author Milan Kordestani shares advice on how to become a better communicator, improve your listening skills, navigate difficult conversations, and much more. 📖
June 1, 2023
I initially thought this was a book that was actually a love letter to Elon Musk But as I continue to read it, I see it actually has interesting stories and great advice on how to have more civilized discussions and ultimately to be happier in your every day life. Although some may think this book is common sense the one thing I have learned over the years it’s not everyone is good at everything and there’s some who may need this book to help them promote the happiness we all deserve. I really enjoyed this book and highly recommend it and in a world where people get their kicks and giggles by just opposing anyone on the Internet I think this book in the messages apropos. I received this book from NetGalley and a publisher but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.
July 19, 2023
In I'm Just Saying by Milan Kordestani, readers are presented with a compelling and thought-provoking collection of essays that reflect the voice of a young generation. While it may not be an absolute standout among the books I have encountered, Kordestani's work offers an insightful perspective that resonates with readers.
The book delves into a variety of topics, ranging from personal reflections to social commentary. Kordestani's candid and honest approach invites readers to engage with his thoughts and experiences, fostering a sense of connection and empathy. The author's ability to capture the essence of his generation's concerns is commendable and adds depth to the book.
I'm Just Saying excels in its ability to tackle challenging and relevant subjects on communication of all kinds. Kordestani fearlessly addresses topics such as identity, societal expectations, and the pursuit of personal growth. His willingness to explore these themes in an open and vulnerable manner encourages readers to reflect on their own lives and the world around them.
The book's strength lies in its conversational and accessible writing style. Kordestani's prose flows smoothly, making it easy for readers to immerse themselves in his narrative. The author's passion and conviction shine through, creating a sense of authenticity that enhances the reading experience.
While I'm Just Saying offers an insightful perspective, it is worth noting that some readers may find certain ideas or viewpoints presented in the book to be subjective or specific to the author's experiences. It is important to approach the material with an open mind and consider diverse perspectives.
In conclusion, I'm Just Saying by Milan Kordestani presents an engaging and thought-provoking book where he reflects on his successes and failures in creating The Doe, an online publication focused on civil discourse and addresses the challenges that digital media consumption presents when seeking common ground.
The book delves into a variety of topics, ranging from personal reflections to social commentary. Kordestani's candid and honest approach invites readers to engage with his thoughts and experiences, fostering a sense of connection and empathy. The author's ability to capture the essence of his generation's concerns is commendable and adds depth to the book.
I'm Just Saying excels in its ability to tackle challenging and relevant subjects on communication of all kinds. Kordestani fearlessly addresses topics such as identity, societal expectations, and the pursuit of personal growth. His willingness to explore these themes in an open and vulnerable manner encourages readers to reflect on their own lives and the world around them.
The book's strength lies in its conversational and accessible writing style. Kordestani's prose flows smoothly, making it easy for readers to immerse themselves in his narrative. The author's passion and conviction shine through, creating a sense of authenticity that enhances the reading experience.
While I'm Just Saying offers an insightful perspective, it is worth noting that some readers may find certain ideas or viewpoints presented in the book to be subjective or specific to the author's experiences. It is important to approach the material with an open mind and consider diverse perspectives.
In conclusion, I'm Just Saying by Milan Kordestani presents an engaging and thought-provoking book where he reflects on his successes and failures in creating The Doe, an online publication focused on civil discourse and addresses the challenges that digital media consumption presents when seeking common ground.
August 29, 2023
This book has an interesting approach to holding fruitful discussions especially when you are in disagreement - which real honest discussions usually is. The author, a young successful entrepreneur, builds the foundation with self-reflection, deeply understanding yourself and the core of your ideas. Then it talks about monitoring your purpose for a discourse - intention - and the way you convey your message - your tone. After laying the foundation, it gives practical tips on how to be an active listener, more importantly an attentive listener - with compassion - and the importance of maintaining focus for having a civil, positive discourse. Lastly the book explains how to overcome challenges of having a civil discourse - even with a good intention - which are finding common ground and your determination to avoid poor futile discourse.
This book got my attention for two reasons: the author is an American Iranian, which I partly relate to due to being Iranian, although I’m the first generation and not the second one like the author, and not coming from a wealthy highly-educated family, thus facing different challenges as an immigrant. Second, I’m at a difficult time in my life, struggling with having a respectful, fruitful discourse with my husband about many disagreements we have from what our child and I can wear to my opinion about our finance management, vaccination, or LGBT. First, I have borrowed every meditation book suggested in this book to work on my self-reflection, something I sincerely want to improve on to improve my life. Second, I have been avoiding poor discourse at home due to the reminders this book give me. Last and not least, I feel I have become more open at work, being less serious, and not feeling shy about making humors, especially if any of us makes mistakes or feel frustrated about things that don’t function. That approach changes our mood.
I’m grateful to the author for sharing his thoughts and the teachings with each of us.
This book got my attention for two reasons: the author is an American Iranian, which I partly relate to due to being Iranian, although I’m the first generation and not the second one like the author, and not coming from a wealthy highly-educated family, thus facing different challenges as an immigrant. Second, I’m at a difficult time in my life, struggling with having a respectful, fruitful discourse with my husband about many disagreements we have from what our child and I can wear to my opinion about our finance management, vaccination, or LGBT. First, I have borrowed every meditation book suggested in this book to work on my self-reflection, something I sincerely want to improve on to improve my life. Second, I have been avoiding poor discourse at home due to the reminders this book give me. Last and not least, I feel I have become more open at work, being less serious, and not feeling shy about making humors, especially if any of us makes mistakes or feel frustrated about things that don’t function. That approach changes our mood.
I’m grateful to the author for sharing his thoughts and the teachings with each of us.
May 13, 2023
This is a perfect book for you if you ever seriously wondered “am I a bad person if I am biased?” To this, Milan Kordestani says, with full seriousness, “not at all — everyone has biases” (pg 33).
You could hear a pin drop with that kind of hard-hitting analysis. No, but truthfully, this is the kind of depth you will find in this book. The only ‘deeper’ sections are the passages when Kordestani reflects on his mistakes and interactions.
However, the advice in this book is ultimately trite if not just downright obvious. It sometimes made me wonder how stupid he believed his audience was. Kordestani asks his readers to self-reflect, acknowledge their biases, determine others’ intentions when engaging with them, defend their beliefs no matter how risky, contend with being wrong, etc. It is the typical procedure if one decides to have a mature, challenging, and respectful conversation with those who hold different views, perhaps the exact opposite of your own.
Despite my opinions on his advice, I was shocked by how little Kordestani cited academic or peer-reviewed literature in his book. Milan Kordestani opens this work admitting to his lack of expertise, which is true. He isn’t a behavioral scientist or an academic. Despite this, he proceeded to cite sparingly in this book?! He has a little over two pages of a bibliography and the majority of his references cite articles from like the HuffPost. The lack of citations made me question many of his assertions and distinctions between terms or ideas. It overall made me feel less inclined to trust this guy’s ideas and more convinced that this guy likes to preach his views without strong evidence supporting them. I was even more inclined to believe the latter with the last sentence of his book: “I’m just saying.” Perhaps, Kordestani is aware that this book was a self-indulgent endeavor.
Kordestani ends his work with a prologue that seems to be a promotion or pitch for his new publishing venture, Nota. The whole book project suddenly all made sense. Nevertheless, I was left confused why Abbas Milani, a prominent Stanford historian and expert on twentieth century Iran, wrote a forward for a book like this one on civil discourse. With a simple google search, I learned why. His mother is a prominent donor to Stanford’s Iranian Studies Program, which Milani directs. (Despite this fact, Milani is a serious academic with an amazing biography on the Shah. Don’t knock him for this).
So then, why read this? If you want to know Milan Kordestani’s philosophy on civil discourse. This may seem narrow, but that is exactly my point. Check out Jonathan Haidt, Dan Ariely, Jonathan Zimmerman, for more compelling and deeper commentaries on biases, political division, political psychology, etc. They cite too!
You could hear a pin drop with that kind of hard-hitting analysis. No, but truthfully, this is the kind of depth you will find in this book. The only ‘deeper’ sections are the passages when Kordestani reflects on his mistakes and interactions.
However, the advice in this book is ultimately trite if not just downright obvious. It sometimes made me wonder how stupid he believed his audience was. Kordestani asks his readers to self-reflect, acknowledge their biases, determine others’ intentions when engaging with them, defend their beliefs no matter how risky, contend with being wrong, etc. It is the typical procedure if one decides to have a mature, challenging, and respectful conversation with those who hold different views, perhaps the exact opposite of your own.
Despite my opinions on his advice, I was shocked by how little Kordestani cited academic or peer-reviewed literature in his book. Milan Kordestani opens this work admitting to his lack of expertise, which is true. He isn’t a behavioral scientist or an academic. Despite this, he proceeded to cite sparingly in this book?! He has a little over two pages of a bibliography and the majority of his references cite articles from like the HuffPost. The lack of citations made me question many of his assertions and distinctions between terms or ideas. It overall made me feel less inclined to trust this guy’s ideas and more convinced that this guy likes to preach his views without strong evidence supporting them. I was even more inclined to believe the latter with the last sentence of his book: “I’m just saying.” Perhaps, Kordestani is aware that this book was a self-indulgent endeavor.
Kordestani ends his work with a prologue that seems to be a promotion or pitch for his new publishing venture, Nota. The whole book project suddenly all made sense. Nevertheless, I was left confused why Abbas Milani, a prominent Stanford historian and expert on twentieth century Iran, wrote a forward for a book like this one on civil discourse. With a simple google search, I learned why. His mother is a prominent donor to Stanford’s Iranian Studies Program, which Milani directs. (Despite this fact, Milani is a serious academic with an amazing biography on the Shah. Don’t knock him for this).
So then, why read this? If you want to know Milan Kordestani’s philosophy on civil discourse. This may seem narrow, but that is exactly my point. Check out Jonathan Haidt, Dan Ariely, Jonathan Zimmerman, for more compelling and deeper commentaries on biases, political division, political psychology, etc. They cite too!
March 9, 2024
I really don't understand the high praise this book gets. It sets out to teach techniques for "civil discourse" but then sets out about a dozen repetitive chapters of what is essentially, common sense. Anyone over the age of 25 should know all this. Listen to people, don't be rude, learn from conversations.
Really disappointed, and almost annoyed that this was spun out into such a long book. The advice could be boiled down into probably one chapter?
Really disappointed, and almost annoyed that this was spun out into such a long book. The advice could be boiled down into probably one chapter?
January 10, 2024
Read this so I could talk to annoying boomers at work without twitching my eye hehe but turned out to be much more than that. This book is about the importance of having diverse conversations and how technology has divided us like crazy. Very insightful but got a little boring at the end. My takeaways: ✨
(1) Civil discourse is not about getting your point across, but trying to understand where differing opinions come from —> deepens empathy
(2) Self-reflect before thinking how someone will receive your POV. Just like we put on a seat belt and look both ways before heading into traffic, self-awareness is key to consider our own biases so we’re not trapped in the illusions of our own reality (Plato’s Cave!)
(3) Don’t overly identify with your opinions so you have room to grow. We are emotional creatures who are inherently biased. Doesn’t matter whether you agree or disagree as long as you understand each other’s perspectives.
(4) Do you have ill intent? Ask yourself why you’re doing something and whether it’s only self serving — does it move the conversation towards honesty?
(5) Be attentive — it’s not what you say, but how you make people feel when you listen to them (the behavior you project on someone while you’re listening).
(6) Tone can completely change how a message is received. Can vary across languages, and is heavily influenced by intent, mood, body language, and word order.
(7) Think about how others perceive your tone, not how you would. Observe how people respond to you and work to align your tone with your intention — kindness (an example of self-reflection)
(8) There is no single tone. Don’t mimic others’ speech patterns. We have to learn to recognize the unique traits of our own voices to understand how to approach different situations in a civil way.
(9) When you encounter someone who does not engage in a collaborative tone, doubling down on your positive intent can be helpful (just like smiling or laughing is infectious)
(10) You don’t need to share the same views to make progress, don’t let differences define how you view others.
(11) When we’re connected to others digitally and have instant access to every opinion imaginable at all hours of the day, we stop trying to relate to those around us. Finding common ground online is more difficult because we lack the constant reminders of good which rein-still our faith in people who are not next to us. Strong societies are built on trust, and civil discourse becomes harder when we walk in circles in our shared echo chambers.
(12) Consistently be in search of what unites us. Every interaction is an opportunity to practice trust in yourself and faith in others — you will grow as a person who is well-intentioned.
(1) Civil discourse is not about getting your point across, but trying to understand where differing opinions come from —> deepens empathy
(2) Self-reflect before thinking how someone will receive your POV. Just like we put on a seat belt and look both ways before heading into traffic, self-awareness is key to consider our own biases so we’re not trapped in the illusions of our own reality (Plato’s Cave!)
(3) Don’t overly identify with your opinions so you have room to grow. We are emotional creatures who are inherently biased. Doesn’t matter whether you agree or disagree as long as you understand each other’s perspectives.
(4) Do you have ill intent? Ask yourself why you’re doing something and whether it’s only self serving — does it move the conversation towards honesty?
(5) Be attentive — it’s not what you say, but how you make people feel when you listen to them (the behavior you project on someone while you’re listening).
(6) Tone can completely change how a message is received. Can vary across languages, and is heavily influenced by intent, mood, body language, and word order.
(7) Think about how others perceive your tone, not how you would. Observe how people respond to you and work to align your tone with your intention — kindness (an example of self-reflection)
(8) There is no single tone. Don’t mimic others’ speech patterns. We have to learn to recognize the unique traits of our own voices to understand how to approach different situations in a civil way.
(9) When you encounter someone who does not engage in a collaborative tone, doubling down on your positive intent can be helpful (just like smiling or laughing is infectious)
(10) You don’t need to share the same views to make progress, don’t let differences define how you view others.
(11) When we’re connected to others digitally and have instant access to every opinion imaginable at all hours of the day, we stop trying to relate to those around us. Finding common ground online is more difficult because we lack the constant reminders of good which rein-still our faith in people who are not next to us. Strong societies are built on trust, and civil discourse becomes harder when we walk in circles in our shared echo chambers.
(12) Consistently be in search of what unites us. Every interaction is an opportunity to practice trust in yourself and faith in others — you will grow as a person who is well-intentioned.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 18, 2023
Milan appears to have the glue we need to connect and stay together as a nation. He's likeable, principled, thoughtful and hits the fundamentals of building connection.
The book needed so much more of him. Where are the bridging articles of "The Doe". I commend him on sharing the hurt brought from his parents divorce...but surely he could dig more into his story and leave the HR boilerplate summaries off the page. I see the reviews, but have a hard time believing anyone would gift this book to a friend , or even remember the content.
Yes, we need better communication, and yes there are some core truths explained in this book. What readers will miss, that they can get elsewhere, is a book that digs deeper into the conflicts we experience today in 2022. The mediums of communication have radically changed. Online platforms , virtual meetings, text messaging, insta-everything. The deeper, and more painful layer of our disconnects...the awful and wonderful communication human condition, in it's ragged glory, is barely scratched.
Expected more, but alas, it's heartfelt and well intentioned.
The book needed so much more of him. Where are the bridging articles of "The Doe". I commend him on sharing the hurt brought from his parents divorce...but surely he could dig more into his story and leave the HR boilerplate summaries off the page. I see the reviews, but have a hard time believing anyone would gift this book to a friend , or even remember the content.
Yes, we need better communication, and yes there are some core truths explained in this book. What readers will miss, that they can get elsewhere, is a book that digs deeper into the conflicts we experience today in 2022. The mediums of communication have radically changed. Online platforms , virtual meetings, text messaging, insta-everything. The deeper, and more painful layer of our disconnects...the awful and wonderful communication human condition, in it's ragged glory, is barely scratched.
Expected more, but alas, it's heartfelt and well intentioned.
August 23, 2023
Knygos tema labai gera - mes pamirštam, kad pokalbiuose reikia ne tik išsakyti savo mintis, bet ir klausytis, ypač tų, kurių nuomonei nepritari. Kaip išlaikyti civilizuotą komunikaciją, o ne vėmimą vieni ant kitų komentaruose yra svarbus šių dienų klausimas. Žvaigždės krito dėl formato, kažkaip daug vietų buvo pasikartojančios ir ne visai įtikinančios
April 3, 2024
I personally didn’t get anything from this book. Hope others have.
July 24, 2024
Cut this one at 68%. Had high expectations, but it did not really keep me engaged.
October 18, 2024
I'm inspired to work on encouraging civil discourse and being kind and understanding with those around me!
October 19, 2024
Great information! Especially, in the current climate. I am now prepared to carry on a positive conversation with someone who has a different opinion than me.
Thank you Milan Kordestani
Thank you Milan Kordestani
April 29, 2024
A book about nothing, with touches of the author's self promotion to his website. Highly disappointed.
April 20, 2024
Book of the Day – I’m just saying
Today’s Book of the Day is I’M JUST SAYING, written by Milan Kordestani in 2023 and published by Health Communications Inc EB.
Milan Kordestani is a social entrepreneur and author whose work aims to find common-ground solutions to systemic social and economic problems using civil discourse, education, and culture. He encourages his readers (in publications like HuffPost, Entrepreneur, and Rolling Stone) to find solutions that will create a positive change in our society.
I have chosen this book because I cited it yesterday during a meeting where people were having some difficulties in expressing their point of view in a healthy, productive way.
In a world that is becoming more and more polarized under almost any aspect of human relationships, Milan Kordestani‘s brilliant book is almost a Northern Star, guiding readers through the art of civil discourse.
Kordestani recognizes the challenges of communication in our digital age, where conversations often dissolve into shouting matches devoid of nuance, empathy, and mutual respect. He argues convincingly that civil discourse, the ability to engage respectfully with those holding differing viewpoints, is the cornerstone of a functioning democracy.
Kordestani goes beyond simply advocating for civility. He equips readers with practical tools and strategies for navigating these conversations. The book delves into techniques for ACTIVE LISTENING, FORMULATING ARGUMENTS, and most importantly, FINDING COMMON GROUND.
Real-world examples and relatable anecdotes illustrate the power of civil discourse, making his advice effective, universally applicable, and practically achievable.
This book, in my opinion, holds broad appeal. Whether you’re struggling with a difficult family conversation or navigating disagreements in the workplace, it provides you with valuable resources to enhance your communication skills, improve your emotional intelligence, and better understand the situation and the reasons for the disagreement.
While the book delves into the complexities of online interactions, it smartly does not neglect the importance of face-to-face communication, even if it deals with it a little bit too shortly. Yet, readers seeking guidance in both realms will find this book a valuable asset.
Kordestani‘s clear and engaging writing style makes I’M JUST SAYING accessible to a wide audience. The book’s emphasis on empathy and actionable advice make it a must-read for anyone who desires to bridge divides and have more productive conversations.
This is a book that deserves a prominent place on your bookshelf.
Today’s Book of the Day is I’M JUST SAYING, written by Milan Kordestani in 2023 and published by Health Communications Inc EB.
Milan Kordestani is a social entrepreneur and author whose work aims to find common-ground solutions to systemic social and economic problems using civil discourse, education, and culture. He encourages his readers (in publications like HuffPost, Entrepreneur, and Rolling Stone) to find solutions that will create a positive change in our society.
I have chosen this book because I cited it yesterday during a meeting where people were having some difficulties in expressing their point of view in a healthy, productive way.
In a world that is becoming more and more polarized under almost any aspect of human relationships, Milan Kordestani‘s brilliant book is almost a Northern Star, guiding readers through the art of civil discourse.
Kordestani recognizes the challenges of communication in our digital age, where conversations often dissolve into shouting matches devoid of nuance, empathy, and mutual respect. He argues convincingly that civil discourse, the ability to engage respectfully with those holding differing viewpoints, is the cornerstone of a functioning democracy.
Kordestani goes beyond simply advocating for civility. He equips readers with practical tools and strategies for navigating these conversations. The book delves into techniques for ACTIVE LISTENING, FORMULATING ARGUMENTS, and most importantly, FINDING COMMON GROUND.
Real-world examples and relatable anecdotes illustrate the power of civil discourse, making his advice effective, universally applicable, and practically achievable.
This book, in my opinion, holds broad appeal. Whether you’re struggling with a difficult family conversation or navigating disagreements in the workplace, it provides you with valuable resources to enhance your communication skills, improve your emotional intelligence, and better understand the situation and the reasons for the disagreement.
While the book delves into the complexities of online interactions, it smartly does not neglect the importance of face-to-face communication, even if it deals with it a little bit too shortly. Yet, readers seeking guidance in both realms will find this book a valuable asset.
Kordestani‘s clear and engaging writing style makes I’M JUST SAYING accessible to a wide audience. The book’s emphasis on empathy and actionable advice make it a must-read for anyone who desires to bridge divides and have more productive conversations.
This is a book that deserves a prominent place on your bookshelf.
January 25, 2024
Honestly, I had to abandon this one after 2/3 of the book.
I'm usually not one to abandon things I read but there are several reasons why I couldn't. Neither am I one to publicly review books but this got me feeling some type of way, so here we go.
Before I dive into why, I want to say that this is of course a very subjective opinion that's rooted in my personal experiences and knowledge. As the author correctly says, no one's free of bias and my bias might affect how I feel about this book. Now that we got that out of the way, let's dive into the actual review.
The advice the author gives isn't bad and in my experience works, I'll give him that but it's also not really anything new or groundbreaking. If you've ever read an article on civil discourse or communication, you'll mostly get the same information, depending on where you read it even for free.
The hefty serving of self help techniques for self discovery and personal anecdotes isn't really up to my personal taste, which is pretty subjective but I also found that it makes the book pretty confusing to follow compared to other books based around personal anecdotes - I'm an avid reader and I genuinely struggled to comprehend some chapters. I only got them because of the summary at the end.
The last thing that I didn't enjoy about the book was that the self reflection the author is referring to doesn't seem to be practiced. I remember the viral tweet mentioned in the book and I was glad to see this statement retracted - only for the same mindset to reappear a few chapters later! Not to mention that some personal anecdotes feel self - congratulatory.
Overall, regardless of my personal opinions, I really don't think this book is worth the money. There's a lot of other great books about this topic out there, that are a more pleasant read and manage to convey the information more succinctly.
I'm usually not one to abandon things I read but there are several reasons why I couldn't. Neither am I one to publicly review books but this got me feeling some type of way, so here we go.
Before I dive into why, I want to say that this is of course a very subjective opinion that's rooted in my personal experiences and knowledge. As the author correctly says, no one's free of bias and my bias might affect how I feel about this book. Now that we got that out of the way, let's dive into the actual review.
The advice the author gives isn't bad and in my experience works, I'll give him that but it's also not really anything new or groundbreaking. If you've ever read an article on civil discourse or communication, you'll mostly get the same information, depending on where you read it even for free.
The hefty serving of self help techniques for self discovery and personal anecdotes isn't really up to my personal taste, which is pretty subjective but I also found that it makes the book pretty confusing to follow compared to other books based around personal anecdotes - I'm an avid reader and I genuinely struggled to comprehend some chapters. I only got them because of the summary at the end.
The last thing that I didn't enjoy about the book was that the self reflection the author is referring to doesn't seem to be practiced. I remember the viral tweet mentioned in the book and I was glad to see this statement retracted - only for the same mindset to reappear a few chapters later! Not to mention that some personal anecdotes feel self - congratulatory.
Overall, regardless of my personal opinions, I really don't think this book is worth the money. There's a lot of other great books about this topic out there, that are a more pleasant read and manage to convey the information more succinctly.
May 10, 2023
‘Becoming intentionally positive in very human interaction’ - A vastly important message
California author Milan Kordestani’s impact on improving culture is evident in his companies founded to increase civil discourse in individuals and companies, his articles in prominent publications, and in this valuable volume. At age 22 he has stated ‘I believe that many of the challenges we will face going forward require cooperation, and civil discourse is the first step in building empathy and collaboration. As an author, I try to engage my peers in debates about some of the most pressing issues facing GenZ, technological change, the failure of the college system, creative control for artists, and the importance of environmental stewardship.’
Offered in a sensitive and engaging manner, Milan’s approach to the way we communicate during this troubled time provides support and instruction for improving the way we communicate to sustain a democratic, tolerant, self-aware, and self-critical democracy. His thoughtful injections make his messages inviting, moments such as ‘Showing kindness to the person who is least likely to do something for you is a sign of true respect because it would be kindness for kindness’ sake.’ and ‘Technology has made it difficult for us to engage in the necessary civil discourse that this world needs.’ and ‘conflict-free interactions form the foundation of faith and trust.’ Throughout this excellent book Milan provides accessible steps for addressing - and correcting - the decline in civil discourse. This book is a must read for everyone - around the globe. Very highly recommended
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book
California author Milan Kordestani’s impact on improving culture is evident in his companies founded to increase civil discourse in individuals and companies, his articles in prominent publications, and in this valuable volume. At age 22 he has stated ‘I believe that many of the challenges we will face going forward require cooperation, and civil discourse is the first step in building empathy and collaboration. As an author, I try to engage my peers in debates about some of the most pressing issues facing GenZ, technological change, the failure of the college system, creative control for artists, and the importance of environmental stewardship.’
Offered in a sensitive and engaging manner, Milan’s approach to the way we communicate during this troubled time provides support and instruction for improving the way we communicate to sustain a democratic, tolerant, self-aware, and self-critical democracy. His thoughtful injections make his messages inviting, moments such as ‘Showing kindness to the person who is least likely to do something for you is a sign of true respect because it would be kindness for kindness’ sake.’ and ‘Technology has made it difficult for us to engage in the necessary civil discourse that this world needs.’ and ‘conflict-free interactions form the foundation of faith and trust.’ Throughout this excellent book Milan provides accessible steps for addressing - and correcting - the decline in civil discourse. This book is a must read for everyone - around the globe. Very highly recommended
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book
September 27, 2024
Basically the book divides Civil Discussion fundamentals into a three main skills explaining how to dive deeper into each to be more open and better communicator:
A. Intentions
- Keep your goal of any discussion is to benefit the other party and get the most benefit for you.
- Don’t assume others intentions because you are most likely to go Judging them without realizing and act on it.
- Trust their intentions of this discussion are the same as yours -all beneficial to both of you- until proven otherwise.
B. Listening
- Be a listener; Stop cutting people while talking and try to keep your mind quiet “don’t be absent minded”.
- Pay full attention, don’t keep checking your phone or the people around you while them talking to you.
C. Talking
- The tone of your voice; know when to talk strictly and joyfully depending on your needs.
- Creating a common space to cool-off the debate when it starts going aggressively (for me this will only happen when I don’t want to lose the conversation, otherwise I’ll get them like a lioness lol).
This book is full of information and advice, a lot of them you probably learned from other sources before but it will be a reminder with deep explanations -not necessarily truths-.
A. Intentions
- Keep your goal of any discussion is to benefit the other party and get the most benefit for you.
- Don’t assume others intentions because you are most likely to go Judging them without realizing and act on it.
- Trust their intentions of this discussion are the same as yours -all beneficial to both of you- until proven otherwise.
B. Listening
- Be a listener; Stop cutting people while talking and try to keep your mind quiet “don’t be absent minded”.
- Pay full attention, don’t keep checking your phone or the people around you while them talking to you.
C. Talking
- The tone of your voice; know when to talk strictly and joyfully depending on your needs.
- Creating a common space to cool-off the debate when it starts going aggressively (for me this will only happen when I don’t want to lose the conversation, otherwise I’ll get them like a lioness lol).
This book is full of information and advice, a lot of them you probably learned from other sources before but it will be a reminder with deep explanations -not necessarily truths-.
October 17, 2024
I was excited about the topic of I’m Just Saying and found many of the ideas within it compelling. The book offers thoughtful insights and starts off strong, but as I continued reading, it began to lose momentum. While the early chapters were engaging and full of promise, the further I got, the more repetitive it felt.
Many of the later chapters seem to circle back to similar points, making parts of the book feel like summaries of earlier ideas rather than new, in-depth explorations. As a result, some of the later sections come across as surface-level, lacking the depth I was hoping for. It felt like the book had a great concept but struggled to maintain its energy and focus all the way through.
That said, Kordestani’s writing style makes the content very approachable, which is a definite strength. The ideas are presented in a way that’s easy to understand and digest, making it a worthwhile read overall. However, the slower, repetitive back half of the book took away from the initial excitement, making it feel like the book could have been more concise.
Despite these shortcomings, I’m Just Saying still offers some valuable takeaways. If you’re interested in the themes discussed, it’s worth picking up—but be prepared for a stronger start than finish.
Many of the later chapters seem to circle back to similar points, making parts of the book feel like summaries of earlier ideas rather than new, in-depth explorations. As a result, some of the later sections come across as surface-level, lacking the depth I was hoping for. It felt like the book had a great concept but struggled to maintain its energy and focus all the way through.
That said, Kordestani’s writing style makes the content very approachable, which is a definite strength. The ideas are presented in a way that’s easy to understand and digest, making it a worthwhile read overall. However, the slower, repetitive back half of the book took away from the initial excitement, making it feel like the book could have been more concise.
Despite these shortcomings, I’m Just Saying still offers some valuable takeaways. If you’re interested in the themes discussed, it’s worth picking up—but be prepared for a stronger start than finish.
May 12, 2023
Thank you to @bookinfluencerscom and the author for having me along on this book tour!
✨𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤?
The synopsis caught my interest because I find communication to be so important in every aspect of life from family, work, school, love, and friendship. I am the first to admit that I suffer from social anxiety and speaking in front of large groups of people, and I find envy those who can do so flawlessly and without experiencing anxiety. I found this book to be very informative and helpful. Kordestani gives a lot of tips and advice on how to improve your communication skills, improve your listening skills, and how to deal with the difficulty and struggle of doing so. This book helps to encourage everyone to step out of your comfort zone and engage in difficult and challenging conversations in order to help us improve and grow as communicators in the world and how it is today.
✨𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤?
I think if you are like me and struggle with public speaking this would definitely be a beneficial, helpful, and interesting read!
𝐌𝐲 𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠:
👍🏻I recommend it!
✨𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤?
The synopsis caught my interest because I find communication to be so important in every aspect of life from family, work, school, love, and friendship. I am the first to admit that I suffer from social anxiety and speaking in front of large groups of people, and I find envy those who can do so flawlessly and without experiencing anxiety. I found this book to be very informative and helpful. Kordestani gives a lot of tips and advice on how to improve your communication skills, improve your listening skills, and how to deal with the difficulty and struggle of doing so. This book helps to encourage everyone to step out of your comfort zone and engage in difficult and challenging conversations in order to help us improve and grow as communicators in the world and how it is today.
✨𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤?
I think if you are like me and struggle with public speaking this would definitely be a beneficial, helpful, and interesting read!
𝐌𝐲 𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠:
👍🏻I recommend it!
May 9, 2023
This book brought me back to my university days. I majored in communication and this book took me back to all of the spirited debates I would have with my professors and fellow students. You have not heard civil discourse until you've heard a bunch of Communication graduate nerds debating social justice issues.
Many of the principles I learned about the art of civil discourse at university are in this book, I'm Just Saying including:
🗣 The role our explicit and implicit biases play in our approach to discourse and how to identify and address those biases.
🗣The importance of being open to constructive criticism.
🗣 How tone can make or break your argument.
🗣 Active VS passive listening.
Today more than ever it is important to be able to communicate effectively. I'm Just Saying offers the insight and tools to help you navigate necessary and difficult conversations with nuance.
I highly recommend this book for both personal and professional communication growth.
Many of the principles I learned about the art of civil discourse at university are in this book, I'm Just Saying including:
🗣 The role our explicit and implicit biases play in our approach to discourse and how to identify and address those biases.
🗣The importance of being open to constructive criticism.
🗣 How tone can make or break your argument.
🗣 Active VS passive listening.
Today more than ever it is important to be able to communicate effectively. I'm Just Saying offers the insight and tools to help you navigate necessary and difficult conversations with nuance.
I highly recommend this book for both personal and professional communication growth.
August 13, 2023
"I'm Just Saying: A Guide to Maintaining Civil Discourse in an Increasingly Divided World" by Milan Kordestani offers readers a vital manual for mastering the intricacies of civil communication. Kordestani's book is a comprehensive resource that navigates the challenges of dialogue in a society marked by divisions. Through historical contexts, personal anecdotes, and contemporary insights, the book presents practical strategies for engaging in productive conversations and avoiding misunderstandings. It emphasizes the importance of seeking common ground and fostering understanding, essential for bridging divides. By embracing the techniques outlined in the book, readers can enhance their communication skills and contribute to building a more cohesive and empathetic society. In a world where civil discourse is paramount, this guide serves as a beacon of guidance for effective communication and meaningful connection.
October 9, 2024
I’m Just Saying by Milan Kordestani is a thoughtful exploration of the role of civil discourse in today’s increasingly divided world. The book emphasizes the importance of respectful communication, especially in an era where digital interactions often lack nuance and can lead to echo chambers. Kordestani draws from history, personal experiences, and culture to offer practical tools for engaging in challenging conversations in a constructive way.
Kordestani reminds the readers of the importance of embracing difficult conversations that can foster personal growth and mutual understanding, and how good faith efforts to find common ground can inspire positive change. The book encourages readers to trust their own intentions and maintain open-mindedness, aiming for conversations that lead to learning rather than conflict. By championing civil discourse, Kordestani stresses that we can strengthen relationships and navigate disagreements more effectively.
Kordestani reminds the readers of the importance of embracing difficult conversations that can foster personal growth and mutual understanding, and how good faith efforts to find common ground can inspire positive change. The book encourages readers to trust their own intentions and maintain open-mindedness, aiming for conversations that lead to learning rather than conflict. By championing civil discourse, Kordestani stresses that we can strengthen relationships and navigate disagreements more effectively.
May 9, 2023
It wasn’t until I read this book that I realized I say that a lot! Reading this really made me reflect about how I hold myself during conversations. I would definitely say I’m not the best when it comes to communication. I’ve been told that I’m like a robot and will repeat things over and over or only say what I think the person wants to hear. I think that’s the people pleaser in me. But reading this book gave me a whole new perspective on conversing. The author is so honest and makes you feel as though you're not alone on your journey and it all starts with self reflection. It’s also important to compromise and understand where people are coming from. Overall, I found this book to be really interesting and extremely helpful. I would definitely recommend it.
Thank you so much to the author for the gifted copy. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Thank you so much to the author for the gifted copy. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
August 11, 2023
This book by Milan Kordestani is a timely and thought-provoking read, with the world becoming more polarized. I’m Just Saying: A Guide to Maintaining Civil Discourse in an Increasingly Divided World” offers valuable insights on how to engage in respectful conversations, even when opinions differ. The author’s writing is concise yet impactful, providing practical strategies for fostering understanding and empathy. By emphasizing the importance of active listening, open-mindedness, and empathy, the book equips readers with the tools to navigate challenging discussions constructively. The book is a must-read for anyone seeking to bridge and promote meaningful dialogue in today’s complex and divided landscape. I would highly recommend this gem to everyone looking forward to gaining a new perspective.
September 27, 2024
Książka "Ja po prostu mówię: Sztuka grzecznej rozmowy: przewodnik po utrzymywaniu uprzejmej komunikacji w coraz bardziej podzielonym świecie" autorstwa Milana Kordestaniego to wartościowa lektura, która przypomina, jak istotna jest sztuka dialogu w dzisiejszym świecie. Autor w prosty sposób przedstawia zasady uprzejmej komunikacji, oferując czytelnikowi konkretne wskazówki, jak unikać nieporozumień i budować mosty między ludźmi o różnych poglądach. Szczególnie doceniam podejście autora do trudnych tematów – Kordestani nie tylko radzi, jak rozmawiać z szacunkiem, ale także podkreśla, jak ważne jest słuchanie. Ta książka z pewnością zainspiruje każdego, kto chce poprawić swoje umiejętności komunikacyjne. Jeśli szukasz praktycznych porad, jak lepiej komunikować się w dzisiejszym świecie, kliknij zde, aby dowiedzieć się więcej!
May 12, 2023
I'm Just Saying: A Guide to Maintaining Civil Discourse in an Increasingly Divided World by Milan Kordestani is simply a fascinating book and is sorely needed in today's world. The effects of not communicating well can have deeply negative ramifications, both on a personal level and on a more global scale. Civil discourse is incredibly important in order to get your point across and also to understand and hear what the other person is saying. There are many components to effective communication, some of them being, understanding your own biases, how to handle conflict, and being a better listener, among others. This book tackles the art of communication, something we all can improve upon. Highly recommended.
July 13, 2023
Full title: I'm Just Saying: The Art of Civil Discourse: A Guide to Maintaining Courteous Communication in an Increasingly Divided World by Milan Kordestani.
I’m new in this kind of books, so to be honest this book really captured my attention since is all about how we communicate with people and how many of those discussions ends with “I’m just saying…” when we sort get to an impasse and we are not completely satisfied with how the conversation or discussion ended so, we just leave it “hanging”.
Thos book shows how after all those conversations we truly are evolving and getting better at expressing ourselves, not only the author give great examples but add some personal experience.
I’m new in this kind of books, so to be honest this book really captured my attention since is all about how we communicate with people and how many of those discussions ends with “I’m just saying…” when we sort get to an impasse and we are not completely satisfied with how the conversation or discussion ended so, we just leave it “hanging”.
Thos book shows how after all those conversations we truly are evolving and getting better at expressing ourselves, not only the author give great examples but add some personal experience.
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