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A Lady and Her Husband
Amber Reeves (Mrs Blanco White since 1909) had been one of the young women visiting the working-class families in Lambeth when her mother Maud Pember Reeves was writing Round about a Pound a Week. It is thus unsurprising that her novel focuses on the social issues that had been preoccupying her mother. However, it is also a novel about marriage (hence its title): in a deeply sophisticated way it describes a middle-aged couple who love each other navigating round the rock of their differences.
The plot is straightforward but unusual. Mrs Heyham’s daughter leaves home to get married and suddenly Mrs Heyham is left with no family and nothing to do (the servants ensure that she does no work in the house). The daughter, who is young and modern in outlook, suggests that her mother takes more interest in the family business. As Ford Madox Ford (author of Parade’s End and The Good Soldier wrote in his review of this ‘very clever and very observant book’ in March 1914: ‘It shows us the household of a great employer of labour, a constructive genius in the realms of tea shops. He is honest, buoyant, persevering, unbeatable, and he gives the public excellent poached eggs, unrivalled cups of tea, pure butter, and wholesome bread.
‘His wife is just a normal woman, leading a sheltered life under the protection of her husband’s comfortable fortune. But when she finds an occupation in the study of her husband’s female employees in the tea shops, she discovers that these poor creatures are wretchedly underpaid; that they have to stand for too long hours; that they have to eat their meals in damp cupboards.’ The result is a serious strain on the marriage.
The plot is straightforward but unusual. Mrs Heyham’s daughter leaves home to get married and suddenly Mrs Heyham is left with no family and nothing to do (the servants ensure that she does no work in the house). The daughter, who is young and modern in outlook, suggests that her mother takes more interest in the family business. As Ford Madox Ford (author of Parade’s End and The Good Soldier wrote in his review of this ‘very clever and very observant book’ in March 1914: ‘It shows us the household of a great employer of labour, a constructive genius in the realms of tea shops. He is honest, buoyant, persevering, unbeatable, and he gives the public excellent poached eggs, unrivalled cups of tea, pure butter, and wholesome bread.
‘His wife is just a normal woman, leading a sheltered life under the protection of her husband’s comfortable fortune. But when she finds an occupation in the study of her husband’s female employees in the tea shops, she discovers that these poor creatures are wretchedly underpaid; that they have to stand for too long hours; that they have to eat their meals in damp cupboards.’ The result is a serious strain on the marriage.
341 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1914
About the author
Amber Reeves
2 books3 followersBiographical article by Margaret Drabble about Amber Reeves.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/...
Information from Persephone Books: http://www.persephonebooks.co.uk/ambe...
She was also known as Amber Reeves Blanco White.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/...
Information from Persephone Books: http://www.persephonebooks.co.uk/ambe...
She was also known as Amber Reeves Blanco White.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
February 3, 2017
When a middle aged woman, Mary, decides to observe and learn from the world by stepping out of the comfort zone of her house, she is in for a surprise about the place of women, both in society and household.
There are powerful passages about feminism and one's role in a man's world. Reeves is sharp with her words sometimes, and subtle with the message at other times. There is a strong commentary about how marriage affects women who belonging to different generations. When Laura’s (Mary's elder daughter) ideals get suffocated by marriage and motherhood, Rosemary (Mary's younger daughter) fears her own marriage will take a similar toll on her and starts having cold feet about her own wedding. At the same time, Mary and her husband, John, have a peaceful marriage without any arguments. However this is because Mary never had any opinions other than those of her husband. When they start having differences, Mary sees a change in the marriage.
The writing has a steady pace and offers a mix of political and feministic ideas mixed with the trivialities of a normal family. I found Amber Reeves to be a charming writer and the book to be a brilliant one on British social reform.
Read more about the book here - http://www.thebooksatchel.com/lady-hu...
Much thanks to Persephone Books for a copy of the novel. All opinions are my own
There are powerful passages about feminism and one's role in a man's world. Reeves is sharp with her words sometimes, and subtle with the message at other times. There is a strong commentary about how marriage affects women who belonging to different generations. When Laura’s (Mary's elder daughter) ideals get suffocated by marriage and motherhood, Rosemary (Mary's younger daughter) fears her own marriage will take a similar toll on her and starts having cold feet about her own wedding. At the same time, Mary and her husband, John, have a peaceful marriage without any arguments. However this is because Mary never had any opinions other than those of her husband. When they start having differences, Mary sees a change in the marriage.
The writing has a steady pace and offers a mix of political and feministic ideas mixed with the trivialities of a normal family. I found Amber Reeves to be a charming writer and the book to be a brilliant one on British social reform.
Read more about the book here - http://www.thebooksatchel.com/lady-hu...
Much thanks to Persephone Books for a copy of the novel. All opinions are my own
January 3, 2024
3.5
When Mary's youngest daughter Rosemary comes to her to say she is getting married, she feels a little hurt and lost, so Rosemary and James - Mary's husband, cook up a scheme to fill her days and suggest that she takes an interest in the working conditions and welfare of the waitresses that work in the Imperial Tea Rooms, owned by James, and the source of their wealth. This is all very well, until Mary starts to realise that their working conditions aren't that great and wants to improve things for the girls; now her husband, who has been indulgent up to now, becomes quite implacable over the suggestion of increasing the wages of his waitresses, and now cracks start to appear in their marriage.
This was written by Amber Reeves who was the daughter of Maud Pember Reeves, and would have been with her mother when she was going around the homes of poverty stricken working families to research her book Round About a Pound a Week
It is unsurprising therefore that she has written this story, which has a lot to say about the working conditions and lives of these women, as well as having a feminist message for the reader.
I appreciate the intention behind the writing of the novel, however it consists of a lot of internal monologues from the various characters; I felt I was being bashed over the head with the authors attempts to make her point, (it certainly isn't subtle), and it did become a little tedious at times. I'm very glad that I have read it, and very much doubt I will ever re-read it.
When Mary's youngest daughter Rosemary comes to her to say she is getting married, she feels a little hurt and lost, so Rosemary and James - Mary's husband, cook up a scheme to fill her days and suggest that she takes an interest in the working conditions and welfare of the waitresses that work in the Imperial Tea Rooms, owned by James, and the source of their wealth. This is all very well, until Mary starts to realise that their working conditions aren't that great and wants to improve things for the girls; now her husband, who has been indulgent up to now, becomes quite implacable over the suggestion of increasing the wages of his waitresses, and now cracks start to appear in their marriage.
This was written by Amber Reeves who was the daughter of Maud Pember Reeves, and would have been with her mother when she was going around the homes of poverty stricken working families to research her book Round About a Pound a Week
It is unsurprising therefore that she has written this story, which has a lot to say about the working conditions and lives of these women, as well as having a feminist message for the reader.
I appreciate the intention behind the writing of the novel, however it consists of a lot of internal monologues from the various characters; I felt I was being bashed over the head with the authors attempts to make her point, (it certainly isn't subtle), and it did become a little tedious at times. I'm very glad that I have read it, and very much doubt I will ever re-read it.
March 17, 2021
She would learn that out in the world justice and mercy and pity are not easy, natural things. They must be found - fought for, insisted on. 'Mother,' she finished, 'has never fought for anything in her life.'
In an important sense, this book is about an emotional and intellectual awakening in the life of Mary Heyham: a middle-aged Edwardian woman, the mother of three grown children, and the wife of a successful business man. Published in 1914 - the very height of the Women's Suffrage movement, which was both put on hold and also advanced by World War I - the novel is also very much a 'state of play' about the changing relations between women and men. Although the storyline does focus chiefly on Mary and her marriage to her husband James, it does also address structural class differences and how they impact on women's choices and opportunities.
When the book begins, Mary's youngest daughter Rosemary is informing her mother that she has fallen in love with a suitable young man named Anthony. Mary's ambivalent reaction to this news is mostly one of dismay - both because of her daughter's young age (18), and also because of her own change of status. "What do other women do when the children go? How do they fill their days?" Her daughters, Rosemary and Laura (already married) and her husband James become aware of Mary's lassitude and low spirits, and Rosemary - who thinks of herself as a 'socialist' - comes up with a plan to address her mother's lack of purpose. Rosemary, in her youthful arrogance, decides that her mother's problem is that she has been too sheltered. Money, and her husband's protection, has insulated her too much from the hard realities and bracing challenges of life. Rosemary decides that her mother should "take up some sort of work among her father's employers" and commit herself to a new path, one that will be "revolutionary and high-minded". James, who owns a group of Imperial tea shops, takes up the idea as well. He is complacently proud of his role as an enlightened business owner, but he is willing that his wife should take notice of his waitresses and see if she can find some small means of improving their working conditions. To this end, a secretary named Miss Percival is hired and Mary makes her first tentative steps into the world of business.
Men, for her, had been creatures to be pleased and to be cared for, and men had loved her and been good to her precisely because of this attitude of hers.
When the novel begins, Mary and James are a harmonious, loving couple, but it doesn't take long for the reader to discern that this is partly because they have not previously had any grounds for disagreement or contentiousness. Mary has been the sort of soft, dutiful and compliant woman that James has found it easy to admire and feel protective of. For a modern reader, his attitude towards his wife is terribly grating. She speaks to her with jocular condescension, although he means to be affectionate:
'Tyrannous young bluestocking!' he said. "I don't think we need bother our old lady with books. It's just where books fail that we want her to come in. (. . .) I don't she's as happy as she ought to be. She's an active old thing, and it's no use her pretending that she can settle down to knitting. (...) So we thought that if she were to give some of her time to combating the firm's ruthless oppression it would be a new interest for her, besides putting an end to one of the worst excess of of the capitalistic regime!'
When Mary discovers that James's employees - the young waitresses that make up a large portion of his workforce - are not so happy and comfortably situated as he believes them to be, she suggests certain reforms. These reforms will cost money and affect the profits of the business. At this point, the trouble begins.
Miss Percival, at first a quiet, shadowy figure, is instrumental in opening Mary's eyes to the harsh reality of women's lives when they are unprotected, and distinctly not cosseted, by men. Although Miss Percival is a minor character in the story, she serves an important role. As the novel reaches its climax, Miss Percival gives an impassioned diatribe against men and their dominance over women.
I meant to open your eyes, to make you understand the connection between your luxury and the sweating of those underpaid, exhausted girls.
I hate all men when they're powerful and using their power to be cruel to women. And that's most of them - nearly always, whether they mean to or not.
I hate them most for what they've made of us. We love them and their children, so we are at their mercy.
At first, Mary seems like a frail and rather spineless woman, but she has a strong moral compass that guides her in both her reforming work and her relationship with her husband. The novel touches on all sorts of feminist and socialist issues - including the conflict between management and labour, profits and people - but it never strays too far from its central project: the enlightenment of a middle-class wife.
Although the book is more than 100 years old now, I wouldn't describe it entirely as a 'period piece'. It's actually a decent yardstick of what women have achieved in 100 years since first being granted a limited right to vote (1918), and what work still needs to be done. I read this novel as women gathered to protest Sarah Everard's murder by a policeman, a rather brutal reminder that there are still important inequalities between men and women. As a final note, current outrage at the way the Sarah Everard vigil was 'policed' has some striking parallels with the women's protests of 1910-14.
December 9, 2023
It is true then, after all, that civilisation is only a cloak for barbarism
A must-read for everyone who calls him-/herself a feminist (or is interested in any way in women's rights, gender equality). Amber Reeves Blanco White made a deep and thorough analysis of the topic, especially from the perspective of her times (the beginning of the XX century in the UK). Even after a hundred years, I was struck by some of her observations.
it saves them trouble to call us mysteries
for what are women, after all, but mere camp-followers
Throughout almost all read I was constantly annoyed or angry, I wanted to scream: "Don't patronize women!" or "Don't be so meek!" And I understand that many readers didn't like the ending. Yet, in my opinion, the story and characters were soaked in their times, culture, views. Big gestures appear mostly in movies. Life is more subtle, complex.
I also recommend reading the book by the mother of Amber Reeves Blanco White Round About a Pound a Week. Both were written more or less at the same time.
[4.5 stars]
November 11, 2017
A Lady and her Husband, first published in 1914 surprised me with the modern outlook of several of the female characters. I hadn’t realised it would be such a feminist novel – it was a really nice surprise, and the element which would make me recommend the novel to others.
According to the Preface by Samantha Ellis, Amber Reeves was a brilliant young woman, the uncompromising daughter of a suffragette and Fabian society member. The inspiration for A Lady and her Husband came from a real-life project undertaken by Amber Reeves, her mother; Maud Pember Reeves and other Fabian society women, who spent four years visiting working-class families in Lambeth to find out all they could about their lives. The result of this was Maud Pember Reeves’s book Round About a Pound a week, which is also published by Persephone books, I have an old Virago edition which I have yet to read. Ellis considers this novel very much a companion piece to that other book.
The plot of this novel is fairly simple. Mary Heyham is the wife of a prosperous business man. Mary has spent her adult life so far bringing up her children, and running her home with the help of the usual servants. She has always been the conventional little wife – the soft, unquestioning mother figure her husband James so depends upon. Now her children are grown up, they don’t have the same need of her, her son Trent works alongside James in the business, Laura is recently married, and now her youngest daughter Rosemary has announced her engagement.
Rosemary is very much a forward looking young woman of keen socialist principles. She recognises that Mary needs something to do – a challenge. Rosemary can’t help rather fearing the result of marriage for herself – afraid of becoming soft and useless. So, Rosemary enlists James’ help, and they come up with a scheme for Mary to have a look at his chain of successful tearooms – enquiring into the lives of the girls who work there. James is happy for Mary to have a diversion, expecting her to find him out to be a wonderful employer. James is a brilliantly created character – one I wanted to frequently hit over the head with something heavy. His condescension is hugely irritating, pompous and complacent – he calls his wife ‘old lady’ and doesn’t ever expect her to think too hard about anything. The following quote perfectly demonstrating his patronising attitude.
“James was detached and good-humoured, perfectly ready to talk things over with her. He seemed to think that it was really very creditable that she should have stuck to the thing like this, and taken such an interest in it. One gets rather too much into the habit of assuming that women do not care about serious things. Well then, to what revolutionary courses did she – dear little person that she was – wish to commit her wretched husband and his old fashioned business?”
Full review: https://heavenali.wordpress.com/2017/...
According to the Preface by Samantha Ellis, Amber Reeves was a brilliant young woman, the uncompromising daughter of a suffragette and Fabian society member. The inspiration for A Lady and her Husband came from a real-life project undertaken by Amber Reeves, her mother; Maud Pember Reeves and other Fabian society women, who spent four years visiting working-class families in Lambeth to find out all they could about their lives. The result of this was Maud Pember Reeves’s book Round About a Pound a week, which is also published by Persephone books, I have an old Virago edition which I have yet to read. Ellis considers this novel very much a companion piece to that other book.
The plot of this novel is fairly simple. Mary Heyham is the wife of a prosperous business man. Mary has spent her adult life so far bringing up her children, and running her home with the help of the usual servants. She has always been the conventional little wife – the soft, unquestioning mother figure her husband James so depends upon. Now her children are grown up, they don’t have the same need of her, her son Trent works alongside James in the business, Laura is recently married, and now her youngest daughter Rosemary has announced her engagement.
Rosemary is very much a forward looking young woman of keen socialist principles. She recognises that Mary needs something to do – a challenge. Rosemary can’t help rather fearing the result of marriage for herself – afraid of becoming soft and useless. So, Rosemary enlists James’ help, and they come up with a scheme for Mary to have a look at his chain of successful tearooms – enquiring into the lives of the girls who work there. James is happy for Mary to have a diversion, expecting her to find him out to be a wonderful employer. James is a brilliantly created character – one I wanted to frequently hit over the head with something heavy. His condescension is hugely irritating, pompous and complacent – he calls his wife ‘old lady’ and doesn’t ever expect her to think too hard about anything. The following quote perfectly demonstrating his patronising attitude.
“James was detached and good-humoured, perfectly ready to talk things over with her. He seemed to think that it was really very creditable that she should have stuck to the thing like this, and taken such an interest in it. One gets rather too much into the habit of assuming that women do not care about serious things. Well then, to what revolutionary courses did she – dear little person that she was – wish to commit her wretched husband and his old fashioned business?”
Full review: https://heavenali.wordpress.com/2017/...
April 14, 2017
It is London, 1913. A wealthy housewife, Mary Heyham, is depressed because her youngest child, Rosemary, is about to leave home. Mary's concerned husband encourages her to start visits to his business to cheer her up: James owns the highly profitable Imperial tea-shops, staffed by girls in "frilled aprons and green dresses" with pretty faces and trim waists. James Heyham expects his wife to be a motherly figure to his female staff:
"The thought of Mary among the workpeople, doing good to them and adored by them, was pleasant."
Unknown to James, Mary embarks on her visits with Miss Percival, a suffragette forced to work as a private secretary. Aided by Miss Percival's radical eye, Mary discovers poverty, sexual abuse, and the vicious nature of the class system. How James, Rosemary and the rest of her family reacts comes as a complete shock to Mary.
The plot unfolds slowly, making the first third of the book an easy read, but the last 200 pages a slog. Other than Mary, none of the characters develop beyond two dimensions. James Heyham's patronising and controlling character becomes tiresome after the first few chapters.
The most enjoyable sections were the observations of Edwardian domestic life: "The studio walls were cream, its paint dark purple, its furniture very subtly blue and green. When Rosemary was feeling brilliant...she could put on a rose-coloured dress and dominate the colour scheme; or, if she was restless, she could be ultra-modern and temperamental in orange and dark-green."
The Introduction by Samantha Ellis, author of last year's "How to Date a Feminist" provides a wry explanation of the origins of this work: Amber Reeves was briefly H.G. Well's mistress and Wells' based his turgid "Ann Veronica" novel on Amber Reeves. Whereas Ann Veronica ended up happily married to her middle-aged lover, Amber Reeves left Wells in order to become, amongst other things, a novelist, a senior civil servant, a teacher, an economist and stood for Parliament. Reeves, it strikes me, was more interesting than either Ann Veronica or Mary Heyham.
Persephone Press' edition is, as always, beautiful.
One for students of early feminism, capitalist exploitation and miserable marriages.
"The thought of Mary among the workpeople, doing good to them and adored by them, was pleasant."
Unknown to James, Mary embarks on her visits with Miss Percival, a suffragette forced to work as a private secretary. Aided by Miss Percival's radical eye, Mary discovers poverty, sexual abuse, and the vicious nature of the class system. How James, Rosemary and the rest of her family reacts comes as a complete shock to Mary.
The plot unfolds slowly, making the first third of the book an easy read, but the last 200 pages a slog. Other than Mary, none of the characters develop beyond two dimensions. James Heyham's patronising and controlling character becomes tiresome after the first few chapters.
The most enjoyable sections were the observations of Edwardian domestic life: "The studio walls were cream, its paint dark purple, its furniture very subtly blue and green. When Rosemary was feeling brilliant...she could put on a rose-coloured dress and dominate the colour scheme; or, if she was restless, she could be ultra-modern and temperamental in orange and dark-green."
The Introduction by Samantha Ellis, author of last year's "How to Date a Feminist" provides a wry explanation of the origins of this work: Amber Reeves was briefly H.G. Well's mistress and Wells' based his turgid "Ann Veronica" novel on Amber Reeves. Whereas Ann Veronica ended up happily married to her middle-aged lover, Amber Reeves left Wells in order to become, amongst other things, a novelist, a senior civil servant, a teacher, an economist and stood for Parliament. Reeves, it strikes me, was more interesting than either Ann Veronica or Mary Heyham.
Persephone Press' edition is, as always, beautiful.
One for students of early feminism, capitalist exploitation and miserable marriages.
January 9, 2018
Full review at http://books-n-music.blogspot.com/201.... I actually read this in ebook format through Google Books...for free! Though I understand the Persephone version has an excellently informative introduction. This was extremely readable and as one of my fellow co-hosting Literary Wives bloggers noted, very little drama in the telling of the story. I was amazed at how strongly feminist this was considering it was released in 1914! The author was actually HG Wells's mistress and gave birth to his child at age 21! I would love to read more about her. I would definitely be interested in reading more that she has written. Her writing style definitely resonated for me! As many have noted, though this husband did cheat, his wife chose not to break up the marriage as a result. Many feel that is a good thing. Having personally been in that situation, I wouldn't necessarily agree. It just depends upon each person. For me personally, if I am in a monogamous relationship, my partner had damn well better remain faithful to me...or it's over! But that's just me! :)
January 20, 2020
A bit too much exposition, but otherwise a very good read. It's no coincidence that, as Mary grows, Reeves reveals James not only as patronizing but as a gaslighter.
Reeves takes seriously both Mary's development and the plight of the waitresses, but she's not above having a bit of satirical fun with all characters. I laughed at Rosemary's socially conscious yet very expensive trousseau.
As much as I enjoyed the novel, I enjoyed Samantha Ellis' preface even more. Amber Reeves was a force to be reckoned with and I thank Persephone Books for introducing me to her. I would love to read Reeves' self-help book, Worry in Women.
And I really want a detailed illustration of the Chelsea flat, please.
Reeves takes seriously both Mary's development and the plight of the waitresses, but she's not above having a bit of satirical fun with all characters. I laughed at Rosemary's socially conscious yet very expensive trousseau.
As much as I enjoyed the novel, I enjoyed Samantha Ellis' preface even more. Amber Reeves was a force to be reckoned with and I thank Persephone Books for introducing me to her. I would love to read Reeves' self-help book, Worry in Women.
And I really want a detailed illustration of the Chelsea flat, please.
June 22, 2016
This latest release from Persephone Books is a charming and entertaining look into the life of a middle-aged British couple that has been married for twenty-seven years. When the book begins Mary is being told by her second eldest daughter, Rosemary, that she is engaged to be married. Mary tries very hard to be stoic about this announcement even though she is upset because another one of her children is flying the coup. Mary married John at a very young age and she has been a devoted wife and mother for her entire adult life. The thought that of all three of her children no longer need her makes her sad and she feels lost.
Rosemary feels so guilty that she is going to be leaving her mother that she comes up with an idea of how Mary can now occupy her time. Mary’s husband, John, owns a successful chain of tea shops and Rosemary thinks it would be a great idea for her mother to take an interest in the shop girls and find ways to improve their working conditions in the shops. Rosemary is much more liberal and progressive than her mother so she knows that this task is way outside her mother’s comfort zone. But Rosemary encourages her mother to have a life beyond her home. Mary has never ventured into the realm of social causes so she is very hesitant to agree to this little project but she does so reluctantly after her husband John talks her into it.
The real conflict in the book begins when Mary starts to form her own ideas about improving the working conditions in the tea shops. Mary wants the girls to wear more comfortable shoes, to have a proper place to eat their lunch, and she wants to increase their wages. When Mary timidly approaches John with her suggestions, his temper explodes and he berates her for what he calls her silly little reforms. Mary’s idea to increase wages for his employees is especially worrisome to John who believes that he pays his workers a fair wage. John immediately rejects all of Mary’s ideas for changing the tea shops and tells her that she is naïve and that none of her ideas are practical and would work in the real world.
There is an underlying commentary in the book on the differences between men and women and how they must recognize and learn to work around those differences in a marriage. Mary and John have had a marriage that is free of arguing and misunderstandings because she stays at home and doesn’t have anything to do with John’s business. John often comes across as condescending when he calls Mary “little mother” or “poor old thing.” He does truly care for her but he draws the line at wanting to please her when she tries to interfere with his business. Mary, on the other hand, after visiting John’s shops, better understands the plight of the poor and working classes and she approaches these issues from an emotional angle. At one point in the book she recognizes that she cannot make a rational decision free from emotion with John around so she takes a flat in London to give herself time to think.
This book was written in 1914 so it brings up many political and social issues that were relevant at the turn of the last century and which continue to be discussed into the 21st Century. Debates that have taken place during the recent elections in the U.S. have reminded us that women are still paid less than their male counterparts, the minimum wage for workers continues to be too low, and millions of Americans still do not have access to proper healthcare. Reeves has written a charming and humorous book about the differences between men and women and the perils of navigating a successful marriage. But there is also a serious side to the book that highlights issues that persistently affect the working classes and the poor.
I cannot recommend this book highly enough. If you love the titles in the Persephone catalog then you must read this book.
Rosemary feels so guilty that she is going to be leaving her mother that she comes up with an idea of how Mary can now occupy her time. Mary’s husband, John, owns a successful chain of tea shops and Rosemary thinks it would be a great idea for her mother to take an interest in the shop girls and find ways to improve their working conditions in the shops. Rosemary is much more liberal and progressive than her mother so she knows that this task is way outside her mother’s comfort zone. But Rosemary encourages her mother to have a life beyond her home. Mary has never ventured into the realm of social causes so she is very hesitant to agree to this little project but she does so reluctantly after her husband John talks her into it.
The real conflict in the book begins when Mary starts to form her own ideas about improving the working conditions in the tea shops. Mary wants the girls to wear more comfortable shoes, to have a proper place to eat their lunch, and she wants to increase their wages. When Mary timidly approaches John with her suggestions, his temper explodes and he berates her for what he calls her silly little reforms. Mary’s idea to increase wages for his employees is especially worrisome to John who believes that he pays his workers a fair wage. John immediately rejects all of Mary’s ideas for changing the tea shops and tells her that she is naïve and that none of her ideas are practical and would work in the real world.
There is an underlying commentary in the book on the differences between men and women and how they must recognize and learn to work around those differences in a marriage. Mary and John have had a marriage that is free of arguing and misunderstandings because she stays at home and doesn’t have anything to do with John’s business. John often comes across as condescending when he calls Mary “little mother” or “poor old thing.” He does truly care for her but he draws the line at wanting to please her when she tries to interfere with his business. Mary, on the other hand, after visiting John’s shops, better understands the plight of the poor and working classes and she approaches these issues from an emotional angle. At one point in the book she recognizes that she cannot make a rational decision free from emotion with John around so she takes a flat in London to give herself time to think.
This book was written in 1914 so it brings up many political and social issues that were relevant at the turn of the last century and which continue to be discussed into the 21st Century. Debates that have taken place during the recent elections in the U.S. have reminded us that women are still paid less than their male counterparts, the minimum wage for workers continues to be too low, and millions of Americans still do not have access to proper healthcare. Reeves has written a charming and humorous book about the differences between men and women and the perils of navigating a successful marriage. But there is also a serious side to the book that highlights issues that persistently affect the working classes and the poor.
I cannot recommend this book highly enough. If you love the titles in the Persephone catalog then you must read this book.
November 9, 2017
This book is so so so good, but a large part of what makes it so good is due to what also makes it so excruciating, what made me take months to read it and dread picking it up after I'd put it down: it is very insightful about how men view women, and about how women are conditioned to respond to men. Ultimately it posits the happy truth that women can break free of this world made by men for men via our own interiority and help for each other, help both personal and political, but GOD.
Reading James berating Mary, or James thinking about Women As A Class, or Mary angry at herself for crying in frustration that she wasn't skilled enough at debate to convince James of her political/moral position was really fucking painful, especially this year. It read as absolute truth, and so it read like a slap in the face. It was so familiar, and thus was so powerful, but maybe have something kinder to read after.
This book is bracing, but it's definitely not kind - that's the point. It doesn't want to be. It wants to make us confront this world of men. I'm glad to have read it in this time and in this place, because instead of coddling my anger, it said "DO SOMETHING WITH IT," but wow was it ever not a comfort read.
Reading James berating Mary, or James thinking about Women As A Class, or Mary angry at herself for crying in frustration that she wasn't skilled enough at debate to convince James of her political/moral position was really fucking painful, especially this year. It read as absolute truth, and so it read like a slap in the face. It was so familiar, and thus was so powerful, but maybe have something kinder to read after.
This book is bracing, but it's definitely not kind - that's the point. It doesn't want to be. It wants to make us confront this world of men. I'm glad to have read it in this time and in this place, because instead of coddling my anger, it said "DO SOMETHING WITH IT," but wow was it ever not a comfort read.
January 12, 2018
An excellent read exploring gender and economic justice through the lens of a housewife encouraged to look after her husband’s employees as she becomes an empty-nester, only to find herself persuadable to socialist ideals. The author expertly weaves in the political with the personal, using this marriage as a case study for how men and women function in society and relate to one another. The rant by Mary’s personal secretary about why she hates men gives me life.
January 1, 2022
Amber Reeves exposes the less than palatable realities behind the comfortable middle class lives of Mr and Mrs Heyham. Although at times the plot seems melodramatic and unlikely, it’s witty – with a bite. It’s also good to see an older woman as the heroine, especially one who is capable of changing her ideas.
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May 26, 20231914 ✅ of my 100 Years of Books Challenge
November 30, 2016
To cheer her up when her youngest child gets engaged and is about to leave her with an empty nest, Mary Heyham’s loving but horribly patronising husband and family encourage her to take an interest in the family business, a chain of tea shops. The husband has reason to regret this when she starts taking her researches seriously and wants to make all sorts of expensive changes in the business for the welfare of the waitresses.
This novel was written just before the First World War and there is already quite a modern feel to it. The author was young, resembling Mary’s daughter more than Mary herself. Her mother was a social reformer (I loved her book Round About A Pound A Week), and Amber Reeves herself was a former lover of H.G. Wells and the inspiration for the heroine of his novel Ann Veronica. I found this background more interesting than the novel, but I did enjoy it.
This novel was written just before the First World War and there is already quite a modern feel to it. The author was young, resembling Mary’s daughter more than Mary herself. Her mother was a social reformer (I loved her book Round About A Pound A Week), and Amber Reeves herself was a former lover of H.G. Wells and the inspiration for the heroine of his novel Ann Veronica. I found this background more interesting than the novel, but I did enjoy it.
January 18, 2017
Treated myself to 6 Persephone titles for Christmas. This was the first I read.
Amber Reeves had been one of the young women visiting the working-class families in Lambeth when her mother Maud Pember Reeves was writing "Round About a Pound a Week" PB No.79. It is thus unsurprising that her 1914 novel focuses on the social issues that had been preoccupying her mother.
However, it is also a novel about marriage (hence its title): in a deeply sophisticated way it describes a middle-aged couple who love each other navigating round the rock of their differences, essentially a wife who comes to realize that the waitresses in her husband's chain of tea shops are underpaid and thus starts to question her life and family relationships once she tries to do something about the girls' working conditions.
Amber Reeves had been one of the young women visiting the working-class families in Lambeth when her mother Maud Pember Reeves was writing "Round About a Pound a Week" PB No.79. It is thus unsurprising that her 1914 novel focuses on the social issues that had been preoccupying her mother.
However, it is also a novel about marriage (hence its title): in a deeply sophisticated way it describes a middle-aged couple who love each other navigating round the rock of their differences, essentially a wife who comes to realize that the waitresses in her husband's chain of tea shops are underpaid and thus starts to question her life and family relationships once she tries to do something about the girls' working conditions.
September 29, 2016
I was so delighted to get to read this I am not sure I can be objective. I've been interested in Amber Reeves since learning that she was the inspiration for HG Wells' Ann Veronica, a novel about the 'New Woman' that I read when I was new to being a woman myself and then again after I'd been a woman for a while. To my delight, Reeves was even more interesting a person than her fictional character.
Is A Lady and Her Husband great fiction? Not really. But it's a really interesting novel about marriage, ethics, gender, motherhood, and money.
I hope Persephone publishes the rest of her novels.
Is A Lady and Her Husband great fiction? Not really. But it's a really interesting novel about marriage, ethics, gender, motherhood, and money.
I hope Persephone publishes the rest of her novels.
March 15, 2020
It is a novel about marriage differences and social issues in a
straightforward but unusual plot .
A Lady And Her Husband is perhaps not a compulsive page-turner of a book, and it definitely has various ebbs and flows to the narrative, but it is still a fascinating story about differences between men and women.In the case of James and Mary ; He wanted the business to be a success, and, to his credit, an honest success; she wanted that too, but she wanted more that it should make the people who worked for it happy. How were they – James and she – going to surmount these opposing attitudes?
This allows Mary to see another side of her husband. And, like most things, if you look too closely, you’re probably going to see things you don’t want to see. And then comes the point to negotiate their new relationship.
In a twist of revelation ,Mary’s mind spins as she tries to work out how she feels about infidelity and deceit. Is it a forgivable sin? More forgivable for some than others? She also ruminates on the differences between men and women. These are things we are still grappling with in today’s society and our own relationships.
-Why did men exist? Why couldn’t they be trusted? Why couldn’t they keep away from girls? Why did girls ever want to have anything to do with them? Always these troubles on account of men!-
One of the messages I get from this book is that things don’t need to be perfect in order for one to be happy; including a marriage. A good message in a world where we constantly see images of our friends’ and neighbours’ “perfect” lives, and compare them to our own.
⭐️⭐️⭐️
straightforward but unusual plot .
A Lady And Her Husband is perhaps not a compulsive page-turner of a book, and it definitely has various ebbs and flows to the narrative, but it is still a fascinating story about differences between men and women.In the case of James and Mary ; He wanted the business to be a success, and, to his credit, an honest success; she wanted that too, but she wanted more that it should make the people who worked for it happy. How were they – James and she – going to surmount these opposing attitudes?
This allows Mary to see another side of her husband. And, like most things, if you look too closely, you’re probably going to see things you don’t want to see. And then comes the point to negotiate their new relationship.
In a twist of revelation ,Mary’s mind spins as she tries to work out how she feels about infidelity and deceit. Is it a forgivable sin? More forgivable for some than others? She also ruminates on the differences between men and women. These are things we are still grappling with in today’s society and our own relationships.
-Why did men exist? Why couldn’t they be trusted? Why couldn’t they keep away from girls? Why did girls ever want to have anything to do with them? Always these troubles on account of men!-
One of the messages I get from this book is that things don’t need to be perfect in order for one to be happy; including a marriage. A good message in a world where we constantly see images of our friends’ and neighbours’ “perfect” lives, and compare them to our own.
⭐️⭐️⭐️
June 4, 2020
4.5 stars overall.
This is not a plot driven novel, rather it is relationship driven. We get a long hard look at the marriage of Mary and James Heyham. The setting is pre WW1 London.
What surprises me a little is how much responsibility Victorian women of a higher class had in perpetuating the myth of the little wife at home, who must be protected at all costs. Of course, this is only the writing of one author and I’ll do more reading on the subject, but having recently read George Gissing’s The Odd Women, I’m getting more of a feel for the subject, although that was written over a decade earlier.
It’s definitely worth reading and as always, Persephone Books are to be congratulated on reprinting an important work.
This is not a happy read and this was more clear in retrospect, as the world was on the brink of devastation and women’s’ roles would never be the same again.
This is not a plot driven novel, rather it is relationship driven. We get a long hard look at the marriage of Mary and James Heyham. The setting is pre WW1 London.
What surprises me a little is how much responsibility Victorian women of a higher class had in perpetuating the myth of the little wife at home, who must be protected at all costs. Of course, this is only the writing of one author and I’ll do more reading on the subject, but having recently read George Gissing’s The Odd Women, I’m getting more of a feel for the subject, although that was written over a decade earlier.
It’s definitely worth reading and as always, Persephone Books are to be congratulated on reprinting an important work.
This is not a happy read and this was more clear in retrospect, as the world was on the brink of devastation and women’s’ roles would never be the same again.
April 4, 2022
No real passionate thoughts about this one. I imagine it was powerful at its time of publication, so I can appreciate it for that. I read another review where they mentioned it feels like a “dull essay”, and I can’t help but agree. It preaches for women’s rights in the workplace, and about socialism and the Suffragettes— things which have already had their effects occur within the modern age. Smart quips on the topic of women daring to step outside their traditional roles as wives and domestics had me feeling more “yes, that’s correct” rather than “yasssss slay queen Mary 💅”.
September 19, 2017
Samantha Ellis says it for me in the preface to this book: I wish I had not found "A Lady and her Husband" via H G Wells. When I read his 1909 novel "Ann Veronica", I fell in love with the heroine...
The real Ann Veronica was Amber Reeves...she never became dull and submissive.
The real Ann Veronica was Amber Reeves...she never became dull and submissive.
May 20, 2024
It is hard to review this book from a modern perspective.
But it is hard to read, using the grammar of a century ago.
Probably omly worth reading if you're studying that period or comparing literary styles.
But it is hard to read, using the grammar of a century ago.
Probably omly worth reading if you're studying that period or comparing literary styles.
October 17, 2017
2.5 stars actually.
June 6, 2018
An early feminist novel that is engaging, albeit not compelling. The bio of the author is fascinating, though.
March 1, 2021
3.5 stars
June 20, 2021
Really interesting read, very feminist for its time and to contrast with today.
January 13, 2022
This took a while to warm up but once it did was excellent. A brilliant insight into women’s life at the turn of the 20th century.
October 26, 2023
"A" for effort but the novel needs editing.
February 6, 2024
Excellent book. Written in a thought-provoking way and with lots of insight
June 15, 2016
OK it was written at the arrow-head of feminist / socialist fiction by a woman who knows her stuff, at a point in social history when the spark hit the anvil so to speak. But, it was a dull essay really. Talk about preaching to the converted. It was a tedious, worthy job that had to be done.
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