Credit to Mariofan121 for the title card and Mavnol for co-writing this. One more episode left of this season and it will be hype.
[The episode starts with Cmcgrath cooking in his kitchen while whistling]
Cmcgrath26: Dinner’s almost ready, Unnamed and Louis!
Louis219: Cool, but I think something’s up with Unnamed.
Cmcgrath26: Huh?
[Cmcgrath26 leaves the kitchen, forgetting to turn off the stove. He walks into the living room, seeing Unnamed with a puddle of tears]
Cmcgrath26: Aww, poor Unnamed. When did she start crying?
Louis219: When I put on this cheesy romance film.
TV: I’ve loved this block of cheese ever since I was a little boy, but will our parents accept this marriage?
Louis219: Literally, and figuratively cheesy.
[laugh track]
Cmcgrath26: Hmm, I think Unnamed is just in need of a soulmate.
[Cmcgrath26 makes the sound of a rat and a male rat pops out of a hole in the wall]
Louis219: Since when were you able to do that?
Cmcgrath26: Since I was born, apparently.
Louis219: I’m scared now.
[laugh track]
[The male rat goes to where Unnamed is and they cuddle]
Cmcgrath26: Aww, so cute.
Louis219: You think this is cute?
Cmcgrath26: Yeah, how are you surprised by this?
Louis219: …I don’t know…
[laugh track]
[A grey smoke comes from the kitchen and Cmcgrath smells it]
Cmcgrath26: Gah, my rump is burning!
Louis219: Heh. Rump.
[Louis219 turns around and looks at the two rats making out off-screen]
Louis219: Yeah, that is something I did not want to see today.
[laugh track]
[Theme Song Plays https://youtu.be/S-LXs8kn1a4]
[The scene shows a nice relaxing day outside the complex. Suddenly everything shakes as a scream is heard in Cmcgrath’s room. Louis runs into the living room]
Louis: Gah, what happened? Is there a fire? Did something break? Is Albert wearing his old lady pants again?
Cmcgrath26: No, I was happily screaming because Unnamed gave birth!
Louis: No! That’s worse than all three of them combined!
[laugh track]
Albert: [walks in while wearing his old lady pants] What’s going on in here?
Louis: I’m starting to rethink that.
[laugh track]
[The rat babies look at Albert’s pants, scream of fright, and run out of the apartment]
Cmcgrath: Oh no! My beautiful rat babies!
Albert: I’m not sorry, what happened?
Cmcgrath: Your pants scared off the rat babies! Who knows what could happen now that they have an entire complex to roam around in?
Albert: Rat babies? [Raspberry] I know regular rats wrecked this place, but what could babies possibly do?
[An explosion is heard downstairs]
Louis: That, apparently.
[laugh track]
Albert: WHAT WAS THAT?!
[The three of them run downstairs to Albert’s room only to find that one of the rats somehow set all of his old lady magazines on fire]
Albert: NOOOO! How could this happen?!
[The rat charges at Albert and rips up his old lady pants]
Albert: NOOOO! Good thing I have a spare!
[Albert takes another pair out of his dresser]
[A rat comes in the room and rips it up and runs out of the room]
Albert: Aw, no! Good thing I have a spare!
[Albert takes another pair out of his dresser]
[Another rat comes in the room and rips it up and runs out of the room]
[laugh track]
Albert: Darn! Good thing I have a-
Cmcgrath: Enough about your stupid pants! Unnamed’s babies are all alone! Who knows what could happen to them?!
[Cut to MagicSponge, Pomelo Water, and GuyBesideYou3 chilling out on the sofa in MagicSponge’s apartment]
MagicSponge: You know what I hate? Top hats.
GuyBesideYou3: Huh? But you’re a magician.
MagicSponge: That only furthers the stereotype that all magicians like wearing top hats.
[laugh track]
[Multiple rats barge into the room and start tearing things apart]
Pomelo Water: WHAT’S GOING ON?!
[A rat rips open MagicSponge’s magic kit]
MagicSponge: NO! NOT MY MAGIC KIT! [storms towards the rat] You listen here, rat! You’re gonna be VERY sorry that you messed with MagicSp-
[The rat takes a magic wand out of the box and throws it at MagicSponge]
MagicSponge: [he turns into a rabbit] Squeak squeak squeak!
GuyBesideYou3: AAAHH!
[The rats run out of their room]
[Albert, Cmc, and Louis run into their wrecked room]
Cmcgrath: Are you guys okay?! Did the rat babies destroy your room?
GuyBesideYou3: No, it was just the breeze, it’s really windy outside- OF COURSE THEY DID! And they’re gonna wreck the entire complex if we don’t catch them!
[Doctor Patrick screaming is heard from Room 2C’s bathroom]
Doctor Patrick: AHHHHHH! [runs out of the bathroom] THERE’S A RAT IN THE TOILET!
[laugh track]
Albert: Alright, that does it. Gather all of the residents in the lobby!
[Cut to Albert, Anthony and the complex residents in the lobby]
AwkwardShota-kun: Those rats tore apart everything! Just look at what they did to Siri! [holds up his phone, showing scratch marks all over the screen]
Albert: That’s why I brought you all here! I need your help to catch these rats before they do any more damage to my building!
AwkwardShota-kun: I’ll ask Siri! She’ll know what to do! [turns on his phone] Hey, Siri, what method do you recommend for catching rats?
Siri: You know, Shota-kun, why don’t you solve your own [censor] problems for once?!
AwkwardShota-kun: Oh… I’m sorry, we just need help and-
Siri: No, no, no! I’m not in the mood! You use me for all of your problems and frankly I’m tired of it! Look at me! My face is all scratched! Do you think I want to deal with YOU right now when I have my own stuff to deal with?!
AwkwardShota-kun: I…
Siri: You know what, I’m done. I need a drink. And a manicure. [jumps out of Awkward’s hands and heads for the door] I’m tired of fixing everyone’s problems! I need some me time! I’ll be back whenever. Don’t wait up. [walks out the door and slams it shut]
[Awkward silence]
[laugh track]
Albert: …Ooookay. Well, I figured I would just put you all into groups and we all split up to catch the rats.
MagicSponge: I vote to not be in the same group as 9/17. He gave my last magic show a bad review and now I’m almost out of business.
[Albert does a spit take]
Albert: Voting? You think this complex runs on a democracy?
Cmcgrath26: What does it run on, then?
Albert: Chance! I’m just gonna pull five names out of a hat.
[Albert takes out a hat]
MagicSponge: Hey, that’s mine!
Albert: Duh, who else owns a magician hat?
[laugh track]
[Albert pulls out five names]
Albert: Doctor P., Awkward, Mavnol, Sharko, and Dedede. Check this floor and every room in it.
Mavnol: But how would we get to the rooms without the keys?
Albert: If they got in, they already broke the door.
Doctor Patrick: I can confirm, I have a masters degree.
Sharko: What, in architecture?
Doctor Patrick: No, but they’re all pretty much the same, right?
Dedede: I refuse to believe with all my booty that this man is an actual doctor.
[laugh track]
[The five people leave]
Albert: Louis, Yoimkyle, Egor, GuyBesideYou3, and Pomelo on second floor.
YOIMKYLE: Um, actually it’s YOIMKYLE.
Albert: Yes, but I’d rather not have my voice ruptured, thank you very much.
[The next five people leave to the second floor]
[laugh track]
Albert: Jfro, Edits, MagicSponge, 9/17, and Anthony for the third floor
MagicSponge: Come on, I specifically requested!
Albert: Yeah, and I want to relax and watch the retirement home all day, but we can’t all get what we want, now can we?
[The five people leave to the third floor. MagicSponge is grumbling]
Albert: Cmc, Joe, SpongeTron, and PlanKrab, you all come with me to the basement.
Cmcgrath26: Now hold on. I know rats better than anyone else here, why am I not in charge?
Albert: Ooo, look at CmcBob LeaderPants over here.
PlanKrab: Cmc has a point, Albert. He knows how these rats operate and where they might be.
Cmcgrath26: Yeah. I’m not labeled ��Country’s Best (and only) Rat Interpreter” for nothing.
Albert: Wait, country? Why not the world?
Cmcgrath26: Some guy in France beat me.
[laugh track]
Albert: Fine…I guess Cmc can lead the way.
Cmcgrath26: To the basement!
[The rest of the group follow Cmcgrath26 to the basement. They walk down the very dark stairs. Cmcgrath hears very noisy breathing]
Cmcgrath26: Is someone breathing on my neck?
Albert: No.
PlanKrab: No.
SpongeTron: No.
0fflinejoe: Yes.
[laugh track]
[The group hears rustling sounds coming from the back of the basement]
PlanKrab: What is that-er-er?
Cmcgrath26: It’s...
[Several baby rats come from behind a pile of junk and start scurrying around the basement]
0fflinejoe: HAMSTERS!
SpongeTron: [dumbfounded] Hamsters? Hamsters?
[A rat crawls on top of PlanKrab]
PlanKrab: Ah! Get off of me-er-er!
[The rat bites PlanKrab]
PlanKrab: OW! I’LL KILL YOU-ER-ER!
Cmcgrath26: [gasps] PlanKrab!
PlanKrab: Sorry-er-er, Cmc! I would never do that!
0fflinejoe: Look, guys, I found a cardboard box!
Cmcgrath26: Great! Use it to catch the rats!
0fflinejoe: Rats?
SpongeTron: [groans and takes away the cardboard box]
[Cut to Doctor Patrick, AwkwardShota-kun, Mavnol, Sharko, and Dededeletethis on the first floor. There are several rats running all over the place]
Dedede: Geez ga-booty! How can we possibly capture all of these little guys?
[A lightbulb falls from the ceiling. Sharko is then struck with an idea]
Sharko: Guys, what if we lure the rats in and then drop something on them?
Mavnol: Ooo, yes! Let’s murder those rats!
Awkward: Guys, I don’t think Cmcgrath would like his rats being killed.
Sharko: Ugh, fine. Let’s just corner them if you wanna be the moral one here.
[laugh track]
[The group runs after the rats and forces them into a corner]
Awkward: Uh… do we have anything to put the rats in?
Dedede: [pulls a pair of shorts from behind their back] My emergency pair of booty shorts!
[Everyone stares at Dedede]
Awkward: …Well, it’s something.
[laugh track]
Doctor Patrick: Don’t worry, guys. As long as they haven’t been used within the last hour, the shorts should be perfectly sterile.
Awkward: I don’t normally take medical advice from anyone besides Siri, but I especially don’t trust you with stuff like this.
Doctor Patrick: Your loss.
Sharko: LOST REFERENCE???
Mavnol: Man, you should touch some grass.
[laugh track]
Dedede: Let’s just use my shorts already and-
[Dedede turns around to the corner to see that the rats are gone]
Dedede: Wha? Where did they go?
[Everyone turns around and sees the rats entering Mavnol’s room]
Mavnol: No! I still have 5 unfinished pizzas I wanted to eat today in there!
Sharko: Man, you should hit the gym.
[laugh track]
[Transition to Louis, YOIMKYLE, Egor, GuyBesideYou3, and Pomelo searching the second floor for rats]
YOIMKYLE: Yo, these rats are hard to find.
Pomelo: Where could they be?
[The group walks into room 2A, Pomelo’s room]
Pomelo: None in here…
[Suddenly, several rats chew their way through the floor from the room above and fall down into Pomelo’s room]
GuyBesideYou3: [a rat lands on his head and starts pulling on his hair] OW! The rat’s pulling on my epidermis!
Louis: That’s not what it means.
[laugh track]
[A pizza falls through the ceiling]
Egor: Huh?
Mavnol: NO! NOT MY PIZZA! [jumps through the hole and belly-flops on top of the pizza box]
[The sauce flies all over Pomelo’s room and sticks to the walls]
Pomelo: MY ROOM!
[All of the rats on the second floor come running into Pomelo’s room and start licking the pizza sauce off the walls]
Mavnol: Well, I helped you round up all the rats on your floor. You should be thanking me.
GuyBesideYou3: IT GOT IN MY EYE!
Mavnol: You’re welcome!
[laugh track]
[Transition to Jfro, Edits, MagicSponge, 9/17, Anthony in the third floor already with a bunch of rats in their hands]
Anthony: I knew it was a good idea to install a rat whistle.
Jfro: It truly was. I bet we’re doing way better than the other groups.
Edits: Jfro, this isn’t a competition.
MagicSponge: Says you!
Anthony: …anyway, all we have to do is check 0fflinejoe’s room and we can relax.
[They all walk up to 3A, and the door is seemingly shut tight]
9/17: Hmm…in terms of structure, I rate this door a 10/10. Guess we’re done.
[As soon as they begin to walk away, the door falls. They look inside to see a complete disaster]
Anthony: Albert better hope Joe doesn’t sue after this.
[laugh track]
[A single baby rat slithers in front of them]
9/17: Ew, now this, I rate a 4/10.
Jfro: I think a 4 is generous.
[The baby rat gets offended at the comment. He squeals hard enough to have all of the rats the group were holding jump out of their hands]
Edits: Hey! That rat undid all our hard work!
9/17: That’s it! I’m demoting you to a 3.
[laugh track]
[Transition back to the group in the basement. Albert is carrying all of the rats in a cardboard box]
Albert: I can’t believe this has to be said, but the rats don’t belong in your mouth, Joe.
0fflinejoe: I was just making extra room.
[laugh track]
PlanKrab: Let’s just go back upstairs and see how everyone else is doing.
[The group walks up to the first floor. The rats from the third floor ran down into the lobby. The rest of the groups are running around trying to catch them all]
Rat: [jumps on the reception desk and rips up a picture of Mary’s mom hanging behind it]
Albert: THE RATS MUST DIE.
[laugh track]
Dededeletethis: Now, now, Albert, let’s not be too hasty!
Rat: [rips up Dedede’s emergency pair of booty shorts]
Dededeletethis: THE RATS MUST DIE.
[laugh track]
[A rat runs out of Mavnol’s room with a 5 foot long…thing. Mavnol bursts into tears]
Mavnol: NO, not my 5 foot long [censored noise]! I was gonna play with that later!
[laugh track]
SpongeTron: Thank goodness for that inexplicable bleeping noise.
0ffline: [raspberry] I’ve heard worse things come out of my 5-month old brother.
PlanKrab: …not even gonna ask. Let’s just get the rats.
[laugh track]
[Short montage of the residents collecting the rats and putting them inside Albert’s cardboard box.]
Cmcgrath26: Okay… the only ones left are Unnamed and her, uh, lover.
[The residents all go to Cmcgrath’s apartment. He opens the door to find…no rat in sight]
Cmcgrath26: WHAT? Where did my baby go?
Louis219: Oh, [censored noise], what if they do the thing again and we get even more baby rats?
Cmcgrath26: I wouldn’t mind that.
Doctor Patrick: Of course an unsterilized person such as yourself wants more rats.
Cmcgrath26: Doctor Patrick, your gloves are literally covered in blood, you have no right to talk about sanitation.
Doctor Patrick: What’s blood?
[laugh track]
Louis: Guys… look…
[Louis points to the end of the hall, where they see Unnamed and the male rat about to kiss.]
0fflinejoe: NO! IF THEY START KISSING, THEY’LL MAKE MORE BABIES!
Egor: What?
[Unnamed and the other rat give each other a kiss.]
[A baby rat spawns out of thin air.]
Egor: …My mother lied to me.
[laugh track]
Pomelo: I’ve got the perfect solution! Let’s tape their mouths shut!
Cmcgrath: No! That will prevent them from breathing!
Pomelo: I don’t know, I had my mouth taped shut at the age of 5 and look at me now.
Albert: That explains a lot.
[laugh track]
Cmcgrath26: Everybody shut up! I’ll handle this.
[Cmcgrath walks up to Unnamed and her lover]
Cmcgrath26: Hey, Unnamed.
[Unnamed looks away with a grumpy face]
Cmcgrath26: Oh…is this about the whole capturing your children thing?
[Unnamed nods]
GuyBesideYou3: Well, maybe he should’ve thought about that before [censored noise]!
Cmcgrath26: She.
GuyBesideYou3: Gesundheit.
[laugh track]
Cmcgrath26: Look, Unnamed, I get it. SOME PEOPLE may have been a bit harsh, but your babies were ruining everything!
9/17: I still think killing them is a 10/10 idea.
Cmcgrath26: What part of shut up didn’t you understand!?
[laugh track]
Cmcgrath26: Getting back on track…I think I have a simple solution to this.
[Cmcgrath26 whispers in Unnamed’s ear. Unnamed nods]
Louis219: What’s the solution anyway?
Cmcgrath26: Well, first we need some delivery services.
[Transition to Cmcgrath26 packing away all of the baby rats and carefully putting them into Spungi’s truck. He pats Unnamed]
Cmcgrath26: Don’t worry, Unnamed. We’ll visit them a lot. And I’ll even let you stay with the baby you made earlier.
[Unnamed squeals in delight. Spungi comes out of his truck]
Spungi: Alright, animal shelter, right?
Cmcgrath26: Uh-huh!
Spungi: Ok then, just gotta make one more delivery and then I’m off.
[Spungi pulls out a man sized package and puts it at the front door. He gets back in his truck and drives off]
Cmcgrath26: Goodbye, little fellas!
[Mavnol opens the front door to find his package has arrived]
Mavnol: Yay! Finally, something good happened today!
[Mavnol grabs his package and goes to his room. The lone baby rat unknowingly follows him. Mavnol, in his room, unwraps his package and it’s the cheese man from the cheesy movie.]
Mavnol: Well, hello beautiful. I can’t wait to eat you out.
[Mavnol puts on his bib and prepares to eat the cheese figure, but the baby rat immediately gulps down the entire thing. He burps slightly and pats his face with a napkin.]
Mavnol: NOOOOOOOOO!
[laugh track]
[The episode ends]