Suction Cup Symphony/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Suction Cup Symphony" from season 6, which aired on March 6, 2008.

[Episode starts at Squidward‘s house. Squidward is playing his clarinet poorly, and SpongeBob is gardening, then he notices Squidward playing the clarinet]
SpongeBob: Sounds like Squidward ate at Mario's last night. [laughs] Good thing no one's around to notice his embarrassing... [gasps, because he sees two guys working on a bill board] Those construction workers! Squidward will die of embarrassment if they hear his dilemma! Poor Squidward, he must be in too much pain to make courtesy noises. [breathes in then puffs out his chest] I'll cover for him! Whoa! [trying to get the construction workers attention] Sorry, fellas, this sure is a noisy trowel. [makes noises] Listen to this thing! [construction workers go back to work, and SpongeBob laughs] Ah, I really should get... [Squidward plays his clarinet again, and SpongeBob tries to make the noises again. Squidward notices him]
Squidward: SpongeBob, can you keep it down? I am trying to hone my musical talent here.
SpongeBob: You mean that wasn't gastrointestinal distress?
Squidward: And you guys! [referring to the workers] Do you really think that billboard is more important than my musical genius?
Worker 1: Well, sorry, but some of us rather enjoy the Bikini Bottom Symphony Orchestra.
Squidward: [in awe] Bikini Bottom Symphony Orchestra?
Worker 1: And we find their public announcements to be quite interesting.
[other worker puts up a part that says "Original Compositions Wanted"]
Squidward: Original compositions wanted? Me, a famous composer? [Squidward imagines himself riding in a limo] Thank you, thank you! [he then walks out of the limbo and walks down a red carpet, he then imagines himself conducting, then it goes back to Squidward, he melts from the thought of it] That would be nice. [runs outside and kisses the worker]
Worker 1: Ew!
Squidward: Whoo-hooo! Yeah! Yeah!
SpongeBob: You've really made him happy.
Worker 2: I know what I've done.
SpongeBob: [confused] Okay...
[cuts to later when Squidward is writing]
Squidward: Okay. [breathes in then out] Get it together, Squidward. Put your game face on. [Squidward puts a mask on himself, that says "I'm #1!"] Ah, that's better. [picks up his pen] Take your time with this one, Squidward, old boy. [hears something outside, screams and eyes pop out of his head as he notices a sign next to the Orchestra sign that says "Due tomorrow"] Due tomorrow?! [runs around his house screaming] Only one day to write my masterpiece! [SpongeBob appears next to him]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward, we'll do it together.
Squidward: [screaming] No! [angrily molds SpongeBob into a ball and then kicks him] Get out! [the ball is already back in Patrick's form and turns to Patrick] Patrick, what're you doing here?
Patrick: Uhh... I don't know. [smiles wanly] I'm funny. [molds Patrick in a ball, then kicks him, then SpongeBob and Patrick come back in one ball, then turn back into themselves]
SpongeBob: Are you sure you don't need any help, Squidward?
Squidward: No, thank you. [drops them out the window] I am a solitary artist.
Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob...
SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick?
Patrick: I think I broke my bottom.
SpongeBob: [laughs] Broke your bottom, oh, Patrick, you're a card! [Patrick shows SpongeBob his butt] Whoa! [there are two bones sticking out of it]
Patrick: Yeah! [grunts as he sticks the bones back up his butt, making an awful crunching noise, and appear in his mouth] Ah. Much better.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, I think you should see a doctor.
Patrick: I can't see a doctor. My job doesn't provide me with health insurance.
SpongeBob: What job is that?
Patrick: Exactly.
[cuts to later where Squidward is writing, and laughing]
Squidward: I'm a genius! [peers out the window to see SpongeBob and Patrick]
SpongeBob: The doctor will see you now, Mr. Star. [SpongeBob and Patrick are playing in doctor, SpongeBob is using a blood pressure pump, to blow up Patrick, then pops him, then returns to normal, and SpongeBob stops the stop watch] Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm.
Squidward: Can't you two be quiet for one day? My composition is due tomorrow.
SpongeBob: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. My patient is very sick.
Patrick: Hey, I broke my butt.
Squidward: [rubs temples] Become famous, revenge later. Hmm. [thinking] Come on! Be inspired! [cuts to Squidward's brain where there is a rain storm going on, the storm then stops, and a rainbow comes out of Squidward's head, he grins, and then starts writing, with orchestral music playing in the background] Brilliant! [he hears Patrick screaming, he then continues writing, with the music playing again, but hears Patrick screaming again, scribbles on his paper, and his rainbow then melts]
Squidward: Noooo! [breaks down in tears] Why, why, why, oh, why?! [Patrick is hitting his knee with a hammer, and SpongeBob is timing how long it takes until he screams, he then writes something down on his clipboard, Squidward goes back to writing] Dowrgghgh! [he groans, and is interrupted when SpongeBob his looking at Patrick's mouth, then by an x-ray, then by some squeaking, he then struggles to write, but keeps getting interrupted by screaming, hours pass by and then Squidward is finally finished. Squidward appears worn out.] I did it! [kisses score] Hahahahahaha! Yes! [mad dashes out of his house] I did it! I did it! I did it! And I did it! Ha ha ha ha!
Patrick: [watching Squidward run out the door as SpongeBob sews his butt and laughs] Did what? [Squidward runs over to the stadium]
Squidward: Here you go, maestro, my masterpiece.
Conductor: [In a German composer accent] Hmm, oh, very unusual. I think we have a winner, Mr. Tentacles! [Squidward smiles, cuts to later where Squidward is about to conduct his song]
Johnny: Good evening, music lovers of Bikini Bottom. Tonight, is the premiere of a new symphony, written by one of our own, Squidward Tentacles. [Squidward walks up on stage and starts conducting his composition, everything is fine until he hears Patrick using a tongue depressor on himself. Squidward looks at his music and, much to his shock and dismay, finds out that there are drawings of SpongeBob and Patrick on it.]
Squidward: [gasps] Huh?!
[It turns out that Squidward inadvertently wrote down everything he heard from SpongeBob's doctoring. The music is then followed by Patrick hitting his own knee with a hammer and screaming while SpongeBob times his reflex]
Squidward: I wrote down everything I heard?! [gulps and looks at the audience, SpongeBob drops a brick on Patrick's leg, then an anchor]
Pilar: Oooo! That's gonna leave a mark! [Squidward sweats in embarrassment]
[SpongeBob puts on a rubber glove then squeaks a rubber duck near Patrick as he screams, then uses the x-ray, then the laugh machine, then reading magazines, then SpongeBob plays with his brain, then he's reading magazines again, then using the x-ray again, then the laugh machine, then the duck, then the magazine, then playing with the brain. This process repeats twice, second time shorter time. Throughout the performance, Squidward continued to conduct the orchestra while barely paying attention to his conducting, due to SpongeBob and Patrick distracting him with their odd procedures to each other. SpongeBob then uses the blood pressure pump to inflate Patrick, he loses control of the air in his body and starts flying around like a balloon, smacking into Squidward as the song ends]
Nazz: That poor guy. [as Patrick sits up straight on Squidward after deflating, the song comes to an end]
Squidward: Patrick, get off of me! [Patrick does so, Squidward growls at him, then looks at the audience, Squidward begins to sadly walk off the stage, but then everyone begins cheering]
Audience Member: Oh, now that's what I call music!
Shubie: That little yellow guy is awesome!
Bill: Let us not forget the tubby starfish!
Fred: Oh, yeah, but the real genius is the composer! [all chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, they really liked you! Just don't get a "swelled head." [Squidward's head begins to inflate, because Patrick is using the blood pressure pump, causing Squidward to look at him suspiciously and then we can hear an explosion as the screen cuts to black, ending the episode]