Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation" from season 8, which aired on November 9, 2011.

Mr. Krabs: Who's ready for some excitement?
SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and Pearl: We are! [Squidward is sitting idly by]
Mr. Krabs: Who is ready for some fun?
SpongeBob and Patrick: We are!
Mr. Krabs: Who's ready to look at some vacation pictures?
Patrick and Sandy: We... huh?
Mr. Krabs: [turns off lights and turns on a slideshow and turns it to a picture of a dollar] I'm sure you know this charming fellow! [changes slide to him catching money] Here's the one that almost got away! [changes slide to a pile of money] Look at these pile towers of golden green! [changes slide to the Krusty Krab] Here's how the whole thing started! [cuts to flashback]
Squidward: That will be $6.75, please. [takes money from the customer]
Mr. Krabs: [on a loud speaker] Attention! Attention, all employees of the Krusty Krab! Report immediately to the main office!
Squidward: [walks off]
Frankie Billy: Hey! What about my change?
SpongeBob: [appears from the door to Mr. Krabs' office] You called Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: That's right. You better have a seat laddy. Gentlemen! I have an announcement to make. As of tomorrow, I'm closing the Krusty Krab.
Squidward: Hallelujah! [charges out the door]
SpongeBob: [in shock gasping]
Mr. Krabs: Relax, boy! I'm just going on vacation for a few days. [moves next to SpongeBob who is still in shock] Yesiree, laddy! I think the old Krusty Krab can afford a few days in dried up while I take little Pearl to a long, overdue vacation. And I was kinda hoping, that you come along with us, SpongeBob. [echo many times] Come along with us, SpongeBob. Come along with us...For a nominal fee of course. So, what do think, boy?
SpongeBob: [smiles brightly]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? [starts shaking SpongeBob] SpongeBob!?
SpongeBob: [his eyes who are now like Magic 8 Balls show "Yes" and "Please"] Yes! Please!
Mr. Krabs: Great! We'll have some fun! [laughs and SpongeBob falls over]
[Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs' house.]
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, my dear! Are you all packed and ready to go?
Pearl: You bet your bottom dollar!
Mr. Krabs: Me bottom dollar? Why I never do that!
Pearl: It's just an expression daddy. I just mean I'm really excited! [walks outside with Mr. Krabs and spots SpongeBob] Gasp!
SpongeBob: La la la la la la la la la!
Pearl: Daddy! One of your employees is in the back seat!
SpongeBob: [singing] 🎵Going on vacation with Mr. Krabs! Going on vacation with his daughter Pearl! Going on vacation with the whole Krabs clan! La la la la la la!🎵 I'm a vaaacation man! [stops singing and spots Mr. Krabs and Pearl] Hey travel buddies!
Pearl: Daddy! I thought this was supposed to be OUR family vacation!?
Mr. Krabs: Eh... It still is! SpongeBob's... like a son to me! Plus he'll pay a top dollar to tag along.
SpongeBob: [notices Pearl walk closer to Mr. Krabs' boat] Hi Pearl! Looks like you and I get to spend some quality time together!
Pearl: You know, SpongeBob. We got an old family tradition of having our guests ride on the floor with the luggage until we leave town! [throws her suitcase at SpongeBob knocking him to the floor]
SpongeBob: [raises his arm up which is bent] I will happily honor this family tradition.
Mr. Krabs: See? You two are already having fun together! [laughs and drives off past SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick's houses]
Squidward: [laying on a chair] And there they go! Two whole days of no work and no SpongeBob! This is almost too good to be true! Nothing can possibly go wrong!
Patrick: [appears behind Squidward] Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
SpongeBob: Ow!
Mr. Krabs: Did you hear something?
Pearl: Just the sound of this vacation dying!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, cheer up pumpkin puss! We're almost there!
SpongeBob: [raises arm] Um, is time to come up yet?
Pearl: Sure, why not? Join the funeral. Super Mega Mall World? Is that where we going?
Mr. Krabs: Noooo! No. The place we are going is much better! [drives past Super Mega Mall World]
SpongeBob: Um, Mr. Krabs? Think we could make a bathroom stop?
Mr. Krabs: But we are making such great time! Try to hold it a little longer lad!
Pearl: Holly molly! We're going to Planet Rollercoaster! [Mr. Krabs drives past it] But, daddy? W-why aren't we stopping?
Mr. Krabs: [laughs] The place we are going is 100 times better than that old amusement park!
SpongeBob: Is it Bathroom Land? 'Cause I could really use a bathroom right now!
Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Bathroom Land! Oh, SpongeBob! You kill me!
Pearl: Yeah! He's a real chuckle factory. [laughs sarcastically]
Mr. Krabs: [continues driving] Ok, kids! We're just about there! Just over that hill, is the greatest sight in the sea! Now close your eyes for a big surprise!
Pearl: [closes eyes and crosses fingers] Teenage Boy Museum! Teenage Boy Museum!
SpongeBob: [closes eyes and crosses legs] Bathroom! Bathroom!
Mr. Krabs: [stops driving] Ok! We're here! You can open your eyes now!
Pearl: [she and SpongeBob open their eyes] Yay! The Teenage Boy Museum! [a wrecking ball suddenly knocks down the Teenage Boy Museum] It was right there!
Mr. Krabs: Oh... that's okay, honey. We weren't going there anyway. That's where we're going!
Pearl: Gasp!
Mr. Krabs: It's the Bikini Bottom Mint! Where they make all of the money! Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in all of your life?
Pearl: There is no way I'm going in there! I'd rather sit through the rubble of the Teenage Boy Museum! [searches through the rubble]
Mr. Krabs: Well, laddy! Looks like it's just you and me! And of course, the Mint! [hearts in eyes fly off]
[Bubble transition to inside the Bikini Bottom Mint.]
Mr. Krabs: Is this the most exciting day in you life?
SpongeBob: Not really.
Bill: Thank you all for coming to the Bikini Bottom Mint. My name is Bill. [points to his name tag]
SpongeBob: Bill? [laughs]
Bill: And yes... I am aware of the hilarious irony between my name and my job. Now, I'll be your tour guide for today. This tour will take you through the entire money process.
Mr. Krabs: You hear that, boy? [eyes in SpongeBob's face] The entire money making... process!
SpongeBob: Yeah, I... [takes Mr. Krabs' eyes off his face] ...sure did sir!
Bill: [leading the crowd] This just to your right is the first part of the dollar making process. [shows the crowd people behind the glass window operating a pressing machine] Where very special sheets of paper are prepped for...
Mr. Krabs: Guah guah guah guah guah! [starts licking the glass window]
SpongeBob: Uh, Mr. Krabs? Everyone is staring at us. [shakes Mr. Krabs] Sir, get a hold of yourself! It's just paper!
Mr. Krabs: Just paper? That's like saying the ocean is just water! Or, or the Krabby Patty's just a... a... a sandwich!
Bill: Ahem...
Mr. Krabs: Oh! [dusts off SpongeBob] Uh... uh...
Bill: [walks the crowd to a new area] And in this area here to my left, we see the process in which the sheets of silver are pressed into... [the machine then pounds the silver sheet into coins] ...shiny blank coins which are collected in back of one million pieces for the coining press.
Mr. Krabs: Wuh wuh wuh... o-o-one million [his eyes start to inflate] shiny pieces of... s-s-s-s-silver coins? [his eyes explode with the pieces flying]
Bill: They call... [gets hit in the face by pieces of Mr. Krabs' eyes and the rest hit the other tourists]
SpongeBob: Uh oh! I thought this might happen! [takes out a box that says "Replacement Eyes" and screws the eyes into Mr. Krabs and turns him on]
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Anytime sir! Oh! The tour's leaving without us! [points to Bill and the others moving forward]
Bill: [talking with the tourists]
SpongeBob: We better catch up with them before we miss something, right Mr. Krabs? [notices Mr. Krabs is gone and looks over] Gasp! [sees Mr. Krabs on the conveyor belt getting ready to be crushed by the machine] [yelling] Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: He he he he!
SpongeBob: [pushes Mr. Krabs out of the way but gets crushed instead turning into many coins] I'm not sure how I feel about this sudden change! [laughs] Good one, huh, Mr. Krabs? AHHH! [reforms back together] Watch out, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [holding a coin and moving down the conveyor belt] Hello! My name is Eugene! What's yours? [a machine with a needle makes the face on one coin and moves up towards it] Do you believe in love at first sight?
SpongeBob: [swings by and saves Mr. Krabs] Phew... that was close.
Mr. Krabs: I'd say! I almost had that quarter's phone number!
Bill: Now, this machine here is where we destroy old money by remains of shredding.
Mr. Krabs: Pretty neat, huh, boy? That's where they... [claw pops and his whole arm deflates and yells] ...Destroy money!? No! [charges to the shredder looking at the shredded money, screaming] No! Why? Why? [starts crying a fountain]
SpongeBob: [puts buckets on both sides of Mr. Krabs] It's okay, sir. I'm sure I...
Mr. Krabs: [his arms and nose pop off as he continues to cry from all ends, starting to flood the Mint]
SpongeBob: Wah oh! [his feet turn into propellers and he swims toward Mr. Krabs turning a knob on him which stops him from crying then sucks up all of the tears and tries to spit them out the window but goes through the wall instead]
Pearl: [moves the broken bricks out to see a picture and she gasps] Ah! An autograph- [but the water broke the picture's face by SpongeBob spitting all of the tears] No! [cries]
SpongeBob: [finishes spitting]
Mr. Krabs: [rocking on the ground speaking gibberish]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! It's okay! [picks up Mr. Krabs] The shredded money is recycled and turned into brand, new money! See? [shows Mr. Krabs the new dollars being made]
Mr. Krabs: It's a miracle!
SpongeBob: Yay!
Bill: [growls angrily] That is it! I have had enough of your nonsense! Guards! Show these two good for nothing dawdlers out right now...! Oh, my. [sees the guards tied up and robbers stealing all the money. Bill is afraid and his hair is deflated as he hides behind his tourists] Angry thieving criminals aren't part of this tour. Uh, take whatever you want!
Skinny Robber: Take care of them!
Muscular Robber: No problem, boss! [growls and moves toward the crowd]
Mr. Krabs: [jumps in] Oh no, you don't! You filthy dollar wrestler! [throws SpongeBob at the Muscular Robber, which has no effect]
SpongeBob: That didn't work at all! [falls to the ground]
Muscular Robber: Grrrr!
Mr. Krabs: Grrrr! [yelling] [charges at the Muscular Robber and knocks him into the Skinny Robber. Uses SpongeBob as a lasso to tie them up, then tosses them through the ceiling and into a police car. Both police officers calmly look at the robbers who were sent into their police car to jail]
Male Police Officer: That was easy.
Female Police Officer: Yeah, it sure was.
Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy!
SpongeBob: You too, sir!
Bill: [the crowd starts clapping] Clearly, I misjudged you. You are both brave citizens. And for that, on behalf of The Mint, I would like to present you both brand new extremely fine limited edition, limited-run dollar bills with your faces on them.
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Ooooooh!
Bill: [gives them their dollars]
SpongeBob: Wow! It's-
Mr. Krabs: [takes it] Mine! I haven't charge you yet for tagging along on me vacation!
Pearl: [takes dollars from Mr. Krabs] And I haven't charged you yet for taking me on this terrible vacation! Here's the two dollars I was short on those shoes. I must've maxed out daddy's credit card. [gives dollars to clerk, and takes shoes] Yay, shoes!
Mr. Krabs: [starts to cry] Shoes?!
SpongeBob: Oh, no... [puts on rain clothes, already knowing what’s about to happen]
Mr. Krabs: [bursts out bawling harder as all of his limbs come off]
[The episode ends with the Bikini Bottom Mint spraying out of Mr. Krabs' tears.]