This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Krusty Dogs" from season 7, which aired on October 9, 2010.

• SpongeBob: [has Krabby Patty meat in a container] Ooh... delicious!
• [He blows out more Krabby Patties onto a nearby table and puts them all into the freezer, then rolls up the leftover meat into a top hat then puts it on.]
• SpongeBob: [British accent] Top of the morning to ya! [laughs, then makes the meat into a version of Gary and it meows. Then makes the meat into a telephone and answers it] Krusty Krab, SpongeBob speaking! [laughs again but the telephone suddenly starts to ring and answers it] Gary? Is that you? [pause] Gary, I know you're there. I can hear you breathing! [hangs the phone up then makes the meat into a hot dog-like shape and gasps] Ooh! [boils the meat in water on the stove.]
• French Narrator: One wiener later...
• SpongeBob: [enters Mr. Krabs' office holding the hot dog] Mr. Krabs! This wiener tastes just like a Krabby Patty! Maybe we could add them to the menu?
• Mr. Krabs: I'm not impressed...
• SpongeBob: I made it with leftover ingredients.
• Mr. Krabs: Now I'm impressed!
• Frank: [enters the Krusty Krab and walks to the empty cash register] Hmm... I could've sworn that sign said "Open."
• [cuts to outside where Squidward is]
• Squidward: [takes a deep breath and sighs] Once in a while, I need to breathe in and not smell grease, or the stench of my miserably failed life... Talking to myself, again...
• [Frank looks at SpongeBob, who is showing Mr. Krabs how to make a Krusty Dog]
• SpongeBob: And then I just cooked it like this!
• Mr. Krabs: Go on.
• Frank: My! What an interesting shape! Are those for sale?
• Mr. Krabs: Why? Would you like to buy one?
• Frank: Well, that would depend on the price.
• Mr. Krabs: Would you pay the same as what a Krabby Patty costs?
• Frank: Hmm... sure, I suppose so!
• Mr. Krabs: How about double?
• Frank: Now you're talking!
• Customer: Krabby Patties again? [sighs] If only there were something else... [notices Frank eating a Krusty Dog] Hey, whatcha got there, Frank?
• Frank: It's new! Tastes just like a Krabby Patty, but it's shaped like a wiener! [walks off]
• All three customers: That sounds interesting!
• Dave: [talking to SpongeBob] Hey! I'd like to request a wiener!
• Two customers: Me too!
• All three customers: Wieners! Wieners! Wieners!
• [Mr. Krabs climbs up to the menu sign and writes "Krusty Dogs" on it in red chalk]
• SpongeBob: Squidward, what's that noise?
• Squidward: Excruciating.
• Mr. Krabs: Up here, boy! Take a look!
• SpongeBob: I can't read it from here, Mr. Krabs! What's it say?
• Mr. Krabs: It says "Krusty Dogs, only $3.99!" Or $4.99 with cheese!
• Squidward: $4.99!? That's highway robbery!
• Mr. Krabs: Avec fromage, Monsieur Squidward. Avec fromage.
• SpongeBob: My Krusty Dog! Handwritten on the menu! Oh, pinch me Squidward!
• Squidward: Pinch yourself, you ninny.
• French Narrator: The following day...
• Mr. Krabs: [runs to SpongeBob holding a ticket] SpongeBob! Three more Krusty Dogs! Pronto!
• SpongeBob: Aye, aye Captain! [dumps three Krusty Dogs in a pan of hot water]
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Three more orders of Krusty Dogs! Extra Krusty!
• SpongeBob: Wow, Mr. Krabs! We sure are gettin' a lot of orders for Krusty Dogs!
• Mr. Krabs: Yep!
• SpongeBob: Yeah, I'll get those going right after I finish cooking up these Krabby Patties!
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, forget about making those patties! Just make the wieners! [gives SpongeBob the ticket]
• SpongeBob: Just make the wieners? [follows Mr. Krabs who is holding a ladder] Um, excuse me, Mr. Krabs? Uh, w-where are you going with that ladder? Mr. Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: I'm just going to make a few changes to the Krusty Krab menu, that's all.
• SpongeBob: Changes...?
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, that reminds me! Do you have an eraser I could borrow?
• SpongeBob: Eraser?
• Mr. Krabs: [on top of the ladder] Ah, never mind. I'll just cross it off. [uses the chalk to mark out "Krabby Patties"] No more Krabby Patties!
• SpongeBob: [shocked] No more Krabby Patties...[passes out, then two paramedics put a breathing mask on him]
• Paramedic 1: Okay, just breathe normally, son.
• SpongeBob: No more Krabby Patty...
• Paramedic 1: There you go. That's it.
• Paramedic 2: There! He's startin' to revive.
• SpongeBob: I had this horrible dream that Mr. Krabs was never gonna let me cook Krabby Patties again. [sees Mr. Krabs pushing his grill out from the kitchen, much to his shock]
• Mr. Krabs: Pardon me.
• SpongeBob: [falls on the floor crying]
• Paramedic 2: We're losin' 'im!
• Mr. Krabs: [throws grill into trash heap. Cut to the scene where he's in the kitchen. The camera zooms in on his eyes] SpongeBob. SpongeBob. Wake up.
• SpongeBob: [being held in the two paramedics arms] Where am I? And what are these paramedics doing here?
• Mr. Krabs: You're back in yer old kitchen. And the pair of paramedics were here to revive ye.
• SpongeBob: I was asleep?
• Kr. Krabs: Yea, but just for a little while, so I only docked your pay for the time you were unconscious.
• SpongeBob: [looks over at the empty space where the grill used to be] Mr. Krabs, isn't that where the grill used to be? [points to empty space]
• Mr. Krabs: Maybe. But now we have this! [unveils a small hot dog cooker]
• SpongeBob: And what about my... my spatula? [tears fill his eyes]
• Mr. Krabs: I gotcha a new one! [lifts up hot dog holder]
• SpongeBob: [catches hot dog holder, accidentally pinching his nose with it]
• Mr. Krabs and the paramedics: [laugh at SpongeBob]
• Mr. Krabs: Alright! Those wieners aren't going to rotisserie themselves. Everybody back to work.
• Mr. Krabs and paramedics: [walk away] [Mr. Krabs pushes the hot dog cooker up to SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain. [he sadly taps the small cooker with the hot dog holder]
• SpongeBob: [approaches Squidward] Squidward, can I talk to you for one second?
• Squidward: I don't know. That's a pretty long talk.
• SpongeBob: Has anything ever happened at your job that made it... not as fun as it used to be?
• Squidward: Actually, yes.
• SpongeBob: Really?! What was it?
• Squidward: Being hired.
• SpongeBob: I don't know why, but things aren't just the same after Krusty Dogs were added to the menu.
• Squidward: SpongeBob, my boy, I realized long ago that there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, that could make this job any more boring, or humiliating, or demeaning than it already is.
• Squidward: [wearing hot dog suit outside the Krusty Krab]
• Billy: Look at that guy dressed like a hot dog, Mommy.
• Mom: Let that inspire you to stay in school, Billy.
• Billy: [runs back and kicks Squidward]
• SpongeBob: [approaches Mr. Krabs, who is hammering a sign to a support beam] Mr. Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob! How goes the wieners?
• SpongeBob: Eh, I was kinda wondering... could we just go back to selling Krabby Patties?
• Mr. Krabs: What on earth for?! Krusty Dogs was your best idea ever, boy!
• SpongeBob: I know. Well, I guess I sorta miss the Krabby Patties. After all, they're what gave this place its name.
• Mr. Krabs: Yeah, good point.
• SpongeBob: Yeah! Don't you think that we should… [watches Mr. Krabs dash outside and change the sign to "The Krusty Dogs"] Krusty Dogs?! Those wieners have got to go!
• SpongeBob: [serves Abigail-Marge and Dale their hot dogs] Here you are, hungry customers, your delicious Krusty Dogs!
• Abigail-Marge: They do look delicious!
• SpongeBob: Yes! [whispers into her ear] Eat one and you'll develop an unsightly skin condition.
• SpongeBob: [approaches another customer] Here's your footlong, sir!
• Jimmy: Thanks! 12 inches of deliciousness!
• SpongeBob: Yeah! You know what gives them that added flavor?
• Jimmy: No, what?
• SpongeBob: [whispers into ear] Nose hairs and recycled dental floss.
• Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
• SpongeBob: We have gotta get rid of these wieners and bring back the Krabby Patty!
• Squidward: SpongeBob, I never thought I'd be saying this, but... count me in!
• SpongeBob: Hooray!
• Squidward: [The scene bubble transitions into a customer is about to eat the Krusty Dog. Suddenly, Squidward bursts into the Krusty Krab] Help! I'm having terrible abdominal pain! I think it was the... the... [looks over at SpongeBob] Line?
• SpongeBob: [quietly] Wiener.
• Squidward: [to the customer] The wiener!
• SpongeBob: [dressed in a brown coat and beard] Ladies and gentlemen! Allow me to introduce myself. I am but a simple, old-timey gentleman. I came here for one purpose today.
• Mabel: So I said, it didn't smell so bad, but it tastes aw-
• SpongeBob: Quiet, Granny, I'm talking!
• Mabel: Oh.
• SpongeBob: And that is to loudly decry these modern, new-fangled days of wieners, and to band for a return to a simpler time. A Krabby Pattier time! [looks at customers]
• Sadie: I'm not really concerned about possible ill-health effects. How about you guys?
• Clay: Eh.
• Dennis: How about nostalgia?
• Sadie: Never heard of 'em. [continues eating]
• SpongeBob: Okay, that didn't work at all.
• Squidward: It only seemed to increase their appetite for wieners.
• SpongeBob: We need stronger tactics.
• Squidward: Right, something that would make Mr. Krabs' whole wiener thing blow right up in his face!
• SpongeBob: Yeah, blow up. [facial expression changes to happy] Squidward, that's it! [skips and laughs away]
• SpongeBob: [grabs balloons from a drawer, puts one in a Krusty Dog] Beautiful.
• SpongeBob: [serves to customer with a air pump connected to the Krusty Dog] Your Krusty Dog, sir, with extra mustard.
• Nat: Thanks.
• SpongeBob: Can I bring you something else? [silence] Okay, I guess not. Thank you sir. [walks away]
• Nat: [picks up the Krusty Dog, slowly starts bringing it to his mouth]
• SpongeBob: [watches the customer] Wait for it, SpongeBob. Wait for it. Now! [pushes down on air pump, filling up the balloon, and the hot dog]
• Sadie: Yeah, remember that, that was... Oh, my Neptune! [sees the hot dog expanding] That Krusty Dog is about to explode!
• Nat: What? Where? [the Krusty Dog explodes, shooting meat on all the customers]
• All customers: [begin screaming and angrily leaving]
• SpongeBob: Have a nice day!
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What happened in here? Where all me customers?! What are we gonna do?
• SpongeBob: Oooh! I know the answer.
• Mr. Krabs: [pops in the window looking at SpongeBob grilling Krabby Patties] Hey, SpongeBob! Have you seen Mr. Squidward?
• SpongeBob: I think he's outside on his break.
• Mr. Krabs: Perfect! And keep them Krabby Patties coming, boy!
• SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain!
• Squidward: [standing outside the Krusty Krab in a Krabby Patty suit, waving a sign saying "THEY'RE BACK!"].
• Billy: Mom, look! It's a guy dressed as a Krabby Patty!
• Mom: It's never too soon to start picking a good college, Billy. [runs back and kicks Squidward to the ground]
• Squidward: Well, I guess I was wrong again. It can always get more humiliating.