Knock Knock, Who's There?/transcript

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Knock Knock, Who's There?" from season 12, which aired on April 23, 2021.

[The episode begins at Mr. Krabs' house.]
Mr. Krabs: Now remember, boy-o, I'm trusting you to take care of me house when I'm away. House-sitting is a very important responsibility! Check the windows, [shuts the windows] and make sure the security system is always on your person. [takes out a bat]
SpongeBob: Ooh! [SpongeBob picks up Mr. Krabs' bat, shakes a little bit, and then swings it around, beating himself up.]
Mr. Krabs: [takes his bat back and throws it away] Scrap that last order. And [grabs SpongeBob] do not step foot into me bedroom! [lets go of SpongeBob] I've got me private things in there. [giggles] Ahem. Now Pearl is staying with friends, so you'll be here all alone.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Your house is in good hands with me. [notices he doesn't have hands and then sneezes which brings his hands back] See? [wiggles fingers and laughs]
Mr. Krabs: Now there's been a rash of robberies in the neighborhood, so do not [pokes SpongeBob's face three times] open the door... [leans close on SpongeBob] ...for anyone!
[Mr. Krabs leaves his house, then, SpongeBob closes the door, and sighs in relief. Then, as SpongeBob starts to walk off, he hears someone knocking at the door, and SpongeBob goes to the door again, and opens it revealing to be Mr. Krabs, who's knocking on the door.]
Mr. Krabs: I told you not to open the door... [leans too far on SpongeBob's face] ...for anyone!
SpongeBob: [as he gets up] Yes, sir! [SpongeBob slams the door shut on Mr. Krabs, and as he walks off, Mr. Krabs falls off the door onto the ground.]
Mr. Krabs: [very weakly] Ehhh...I think the boy's got it... He, he, he...
[The scene translates to a mini montage, where SpongeBob is checking all around Mr. Krabs' house, which includes a cabinet in the kitchen, inside a glass bottle, and in Mr. Krabs' toilet in the his bathroom, just to make sure there aren't any robbers, or any signs of robbery in Mr. Krabs' house.]
SpongeBob: [while checking off "Toilet" on the list of things he has to check around Mr. Krabs' house] I've checked everywhere, and no sign of robbery. [He then notices the door to Mr. Krabs' bedroom.] Hmm... Mr. Krabs' bedroom. I don't remember his door being ajar. There could be robbers in there. [he remembers one of the advices Mr. Krabs said to him in a thought bubble.]
Thought Mr. Krabs: [while poking SpongeBob's nose five times] Do not step foot into me bedroom! [the thought bubble disappears]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I won't [while showing his bare feet and wiggling his toes] step foot in your bedroom. [laughs]
[SpongeBob floats in to Mr. Krabs' bedroom using a red balloon tied to his nose, without stepping foot into Mr. Krabs' bedroom.]
SpongeBob: Seems pretty clear of robbers. [SpongeBob floats to Mr. Krabs' hammock, grabs Mr. Krabs' pillow, and smells it.] Hmm, smells like Mr. Krabs. [takes some money out of the pillow] Ohhh, no wonder. [laughs] [SpongeBob puts the money back in Mr. Krabs' pillow, notices a music box next to Mr. Krabs' hammock, and floats to it.] Better check in here, too. [SpongeBob pushes a button on the music box, that automatically opens up, to discover a Mrs. Puff figurine twirling very slowly to the music that plays in the box.] Awww, so puffy! [SpongeBob then notices, and takes out a bottle of Midnight Pincer perfume.] Ohhh... Midnight Pincer. [SpongeBob sprays himself with the Midnight Pincer perfume, making him imitate Mr. Krabs, and puts the bottle right next to the music box.] It's a very romantically raving, Mrs. Puff. [SpongeBob laughs like Mr. Krabs, and when the Mrs. Puff figurine stops twirling, she closes the music box making SpongeBob return back to normal.] He, he. Nighty night, Mrs. Puff. [SpongeBob floats away from the music box and the Midnight Pincer perfume bottle, and floats to a wall full of pictures of knots.] Wow, look at Mr. Krabs' knot collection. Ohhh, that dingle-dangle should "knot" be there. [SpongeBob laughs as he pulls the loose string off of on of the knot pictures, that actually makes all the knot pictures magically disappear. SpongeBob looks at the end of the string, and screams in fear, noticing what he has done to Mr. Krabs' knot collection. SpongeBob grabs all of the string and puts it back on the wall as large knot, made out of string. Then, SpongeBob's red balloon pops, and SpongeBob lands on the floor using his hands, instead of his feet.] I'm still not setting "foot" in here! [laughs and hears the doorbell ringing.] Woo-hoo! That must be the pizza I ordered.
[SpongeBob exits Mr. Krabs' bedroom with his hands, goes downstairs, and slides to the front door using a rug.]
Pizza guy: [off-screen] Pizza delivery! [SpongeBob looks at the pizza guy using the tiny window of the door, using his eye.]
SpongeBob: I'm not allowed to open the door. [points at the mail slot part of the door] Just slide the pizza through the mail slot. [The pizza guy looks at the pizza, and then slides it through the mail slot onto a plate that SpongeBob is holding in his hands, and then he gives the pizza guy a dime through the mail slot.] And this is for you.
Pizza guy: My third mail slot delivery tonight, [leaves Mr. Krabs' house] must be a full moon.
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob licks off all the cheese on the mail slot.] Ahhh...
[The scene translates to the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall, where the Fast Food Founding Fathers Convention (or the F.F.F.F. Convention) is going on. Mr. Krabs walks up to the doorman at the front door to the hall.]
Mr. Krabs: Ahem. I'm here for the Fast Food Founding Fathers Convention?
Doorman: Oh! You mean: F.F.F.F.? [brief short pause] That'll be ten cents entrance for you. [Mr. Krabs gasps very loudly in a very weird and creepy form.]
Mr. Krabs: Ten cents?!?! That's a rip off! [starts to walk away] I'm goin' home! [As Mr. Krabs walks away, a customer walks up to the doorman, and gives him ten cents.] The kind of crazy convention jerkin, dip dake, doof- [cheering can be heard in the background] Huh? Wha?
Doorman: Congratulations! You're our 100th person to enter! [gives the customer $1000] Here's a thousand dollars! [The customer walks into the hall with $1000, making Mr. Krabs extremely jealous.]
Mr. Krabs: Wha...?!
[The scene cuts off, and switches to a couple of live-action scenes. The first one being a live-action yellow fish, the second one being a coconut tumbling down a hill, the third one being a black & white wrestling match between two humans, and the fourth one, (while the scene zooms out), a chicken on a farm. When the scene zooms out, SpongeBob is changing TV channels on Mr. Krabs' TV, with the TV remote, while sitting on a couch, eating popcorn. SpongeBob changes the 4th TV channel to a black-and-white horror movie.]
TV narrator: Shocking Cinema now returns, with tonight's freighting feature... [An animated fish hook comes to the front door, of a house, and the Narrator speaks when the hook knocks at the door.] ...Knock Knock, You're Dead. [The narrator laughs evilly, as lightning strikes appear on the TV screen, and that made SpongeBob scream in fear.]
SpongeBob: I can't watch this! [SpongeBob turns off the TV with the remote, and sighs in relief, but then gets scared again when he hears someone knocking at the front door. SpongeBob comes out of hiding, goes to the wall beside the TV, and then slides to his right a little bit.]
Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] SpongeBob! [on-screen while trying to cover himself from the rain] Open up! I forgot me keys! SpongeBob! [Mr. Krabs notices some cheese remains on the mail slot, and smears it off the mail slot.] SpongeBob? [Mr. Krabs smells the remains of cheese, and tastes it a little bit.] What I've always suspected. [as a cow moos in the background] SpongeBob is made out of cheese! [starts to get worried] Or was made out of cheese... Ohhh...
SpongeBob: [off-screen] Who is it?
Mr. Krabs: It's me, Mr. Krabs! Open up, boy.
SpongeBob: You can't be Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs is at a convention, and he said not to open the door for anyone.
Mr. Krabs: [off-screen] But---uh---bub---open up!
SpongeBob: Oh, you sound like Mr. Krabs, robber, [looks through the little window on the door] but you look nothing like him.
Mr. Krabs: [while knocking on the door] Barnacles! Open up, yo- you- Huh. Aha! [Mr. Krabs laughs and grunts while going through the mail slot. Then, he falls into a puddle.]
Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs notices an open window and climbs towards it.] [muttering] Ugh, and I told him to check the windows, didn't I?
SpongeBob: [On the phone] Patrick, you've gotta come over to Krabs' place. Someone's trying to break in! [Patrick mumbles] Uh, SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] SpongeBob SquarePants. [Patrick mumbles again] No, you're Patrick! [a realistic close-up of SpongeBob's face] Please hurry.
Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs keeps climbing towards the window. Then, he notices Patrick jumping in puddles with his boots.] Huh? Patrick? What's that pink clown doing here? Eh, who cares? SpongeBob will never open the door for him.
Patrick: [Patrick gets to the door] Beep, beep, [Patrick removes his boots] beep.
Mr. Krabs: Great horn spoon! How's he doing that?
[Patrick puts his butt through the mail slot while SpongeBob pulls from the other side of the door. They both crash into the wall.]
SpongeBob: [laughs] Thank goodness you don't have any bones, buddy.
Patrick: Nope, all blubber. [close-up on Patrick while he laughs]
SpongeBob: [off-screen clattering] [gasps] Someone is trying to break into Mr. Krabs' house.
Patrick: Then we'd better get over there right away! [Patrick starts to walk away]
SpongeBob: We're already here. [Patrick stops walking]
Patrick: You mean you had me walk in the rain for nothing? [Patrick looks at SpongeBob with his left eye almost closed.]
[Back outside, Mr. Krabs is still climbing towards the window.]
Mr. Krabs: [grunting] I've got it. [grunts again while lightning strikes] One little bit. There we go. Huh? [lightning strikes onto Mr. Krabs. He then falls down and screams. He then lands into a puddle.]
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob and Patrick overhear Mr. Krabs] That robber doesn't sound like he's gonna give up. Let's set some traps.
[The scene translates to after SpongeBob and Patrick set up all the traps. The camera then moves to them.]
SpongeBob: Check it out, Patrick. If a robber happens to open this door, bam! This pillow will fall on their head. [The pillow gently lands on SpongeBob's head] I call it, "Soft Justice."
Patrick: Good one. [laughs] Look at mine! If a robber tries to come in through the window, they'll put their hand in this warm water, and they'll have to run to the bathroom! [laughs while clapping his hands]
SpongeBob: House all secure. Now we relax. [off-screen clattering] The robber! To the battle stations!
[Mr. Krabs then finds another window to climb through.]
Mr. Krabs: [grunting] There we go. [Mr. Krabs then sets off a trap] [screams] Midnight Pincer?! [calmly] It smells so wonderful, [screams again] but it burns! [Mr. Krabs wails and falls down into mud.]
Patrick: [Patrick opens a window and hits Mr. Krabs with a pillow.] Take that!
Mr. Krabs: [In the sewer] Desperate times call for desperate measures! [Mr. Krabs climbs out of the toilet]
SpongeBob: [off-screen] What the? [with plunger] Not on my watch! [SpongeBob uses the plunger to flush Mr. Krabs down the toilet.]
[Mr. Krabs shields himself from the rain and then finds a door.]
Mr. Krabs: The pet door. Why didn't I think of this before? [Mr. Krabs goes through the pet door] Oh, boy. [laughs] Huh? [He looks up and finds a sharp piece of cheese falling down him, getting ready to cut him. He screams and exits as the sharp piece of cheese cuts off his eyelashes.]
Patrick: [takes a bite of the cheese] Hmm, cheddar.
SpongeBob: Sharp cheddar. [a cow moos while a rim shot plays]
[The scene translates to Mr. Krabs looking at his house angrily]
Mr. Krabs: [angrily] That's it! Time to wreck this ball!
SpongeBob: No Mr. Krabs-impersonating robber will ever get into this house with us on the job. We're tough guys.
Patrick: Yeah. [SpongeBob and Patrick high-five then tickle each other while laughing]
SpongeBob: I feel like a tough guy action movie. [he turns on the TV]
Patrick: Oh the tougher the better buddy!
[The show is on while a tough guy runs into a brick wall then it explodes while the house was shaking]
SpongeBob: Oh yeah!
Patrick: Wow! Mr. Krabs sure has a awesome TV noise machine.
[While the house was shaking, Mr. Krabs was using a wrecking ball to destroy his house to get inside, he get on the top of the vehicle while there was thunder and he jumps onto the wrecking ball.]
Mr. Krabs: I'm coming in hot! Woohoo! [When he was about to destroy his house, the tough guy on the TV shoots a cannon ball from a cannon. Then the wrecking ball made a big hole and SpongeBob and Patrick noticed]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow! 3D!
Mr. Krabs: [he slams against the wall and gets off while mumbling. He gets trapped in a basket and slammed with a brick. He then starts crying] Oh, I give up. [he holds up a card] This proves I am the real Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: [grabs the card from Krabs' hand and reads it] Oh, heh heh. It says you're an organ donor.
Patrick: [stupidly]You play the organ?
Mr. Krabs: [snatches card from SpongeBob's hand] Give me that!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [guilty]We're sorry, Mr. Krabs! [They let him go from the trap]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, it's alright. I can't be mad at you for following my orders. You did good, boy-o. You too, Pat-o. [SpongeBob and Patrick run up to Krabs and hug him. He hears a banging on the door and gasps] The robber!
Pearl: [Outside, banging on the door] Daddy, open up! It's Pearl! I forgot my keys!
Mr. Krabs: [looks through peephole] Well, you sound like me daughter, Mr. Robber, but you look nothing like her. [he looks over to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are holding up the Midnight Pincer and the Mrs. Puff figurine, respectively.] Are those me private things?
Pearl: [banging on door and yelling] Daddy! Daddy!